Rachael Eyre's Blog - Posts Tagged "new-writing"
How to Train a Damsel
From time to time I'll be using the blog to try out short pieces. This one practically wrote itself.
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How to Train a Damsel
A damsel can be any gender, age, colour or creed. It doesn't matter. They're yours.
Be gentle at first. You need to win their trust. They've waited a long time for somebody like you.
Remember their likes, hobbies and dreams. They'll never have met anyone as thoughtful and attentive. Go for spontaneity and romantic gestures. They'll know you're somebody special.
Meet their parents. Bond with them. Be the in law they crave after so many black sheep.
Don't allow them to talk about past relationships. Why do they even remember them? They're with you now, aren't they?
You don't laugh at the same jokes. Their opinions differ from yours. This is not to be tolerated.
Why should they spend time with other people? You're the only friend they need.
Ask them why they need a separate social media account, phone or bank balance. What are they planning?
They may not socialise, engage in favourite pastimes or alter their appearance without your permission.
You can say and do whatever you like to them, with no repercussions. They've brought it on themselves. If they were different, you wouldn't need to correct them.
You are free to leave them at any time; you can easily find another model. They may not attempt another relationship themselves. They still belong to you.
If you had children together, use them as weapons. You are their keeper, after all.
Your damsel is yours, to cherish and destroy. Never let them go.
**
A relationship is founded on mutual love, respect and trust. One without these qualities is not a relationship.
**
How to Train a Damsel
A damsel can be any gender, age, colour or creed. It doesn't matter. They're yours.
Be gentle at first. You need to win their trust. They've waited a long time for somebody like you.
Remember their likes, hobbies and dreams. They'll never have met anyone as thoughtful and attentive. Go for spontaneity and romantic gestures. They'll know you're somebody special.
Meet their parents. Bond with them. Be the in law they crave after so many black sheep.
Don't allow them to talk about past relationships. Why do they even remember them? They're with you now, aren't they?
You don't laugh at the same jokes. Their opinions differ from yours. This is not to be tolerated.
Why should they spend time with other people? You're the only friend they need.
Ask them why they need a separate social media account, phone or bank balance. What are they planning?
They may not socialise, engage in favourite pastimes or alter their appearance without your permission.
You can say and do whatever you like to them, with no repercussions. They've brought it on themselves. If they were different, you wouldn't need to correct them.
You are free to leave them at any time; you can easily find another model. They may not attempt another relationship themselves. They still belong to you.
If you had children together, use them as weapons. You are their keeper, after all.
Your damsel is yours, to cherish and destroy. Never let them go.
**
A relationship is founded on mutual love, respect and trust. One without these qualities is not a relationship.
