Rachael Eyre's Blog - Posts Tagged "media"
Why coming out matters
It's always revealing when a public figure comes out. Not what it says about them, which is self explanatory, but the wider reaction. In amongst the messages of support and the odd tirade by bigots, there are two comments to be wary of. Firstly, the "Why is this news?" school of thought; secondly, the "We'd already guessed, sticks out a mile" party.
Both attitudes are harmful in their own way. Although "Why is this news?" may have good intentions - in a perfect world, somebody's sexuality wouldn't need to be the subject of a press conference - it carries the subtext that they wish that the celebrity hadn't said it, that they and other LGBT people should shut up and go away. It's the sort of invisibility that's been forced on gay people for years, whether it's being abused for holding hands in public, gay interest magazines being hidden in the shops or doctors awkwardly referring to your "friend" when you've already introduced them as your partner.
Speaking from a position of heterosexual privilege, how can these naysayers possibly know what it's like feeling as though you're the only one in the world? There were no Ellen Pages and Tom Daleys when I was growing up - not some bygone era but the Noughties. Questioning teenagers had to turn to books or TV for their role models. While there were gay men aplenty in classic literature, lesbians were thin on the ground. Switching to TV, I saw my future career paths were either rural vet or embattled convict.
Not only do these celebrities assure LGBT people of all ages that they're not alone, the support they receive lets them know that they won't be automatically ostracised; that the people who matter will still regard them with love and respect. These gifted men and women show them they can aim for the very top and there is no need for them to feel guilty or ashamed.
The other type of sneering, the "We already knew", is equally damaging. Not only are they denying that person agency and the right to privacy - nobody "knows" anything until they actually confirm it - it smacks of negative stereotyping. Nobody's gaydar (vile phrase) is one hundred percent accurate; I defy most straight people to pick a lesbian or gay man out of a line up. If it's tricky enough for us to decide whether someone's a potential love interest or friendly and open minded, what makes these straight critics such experts? The double takes many of us receive when coming out proves there is no such thing as a gay "look" or behaviour.
So please stop undermining these brave men and women for choosing what is right over what is easy, and acknowledging to the world who they are.
Both attitudes are harmful in their own way. Although "Why is this news?" may have good intentions - in a perfect world, somebody's sexuality wouldn't need to be the subject of a press conference - it carries the subtext that they wish that the celebrity hadn't said it, that they and other LGBT people should shut up and go away. It's the sort of invisibility that's been forced on gay people for years, whether it's being abused for holding hands in public, gay interest magazines being hidden in the shops or doctors awkwardly referring to your "friend" when you've already introduced them as your partner.
Speaking from a position of heterosexual privilege, how can these naysayers possibly know what it's like feeling as though you're the only one in the world? There were no Ellen Pages and Tom Daleys when I was growing up - not some bygone era but the Noughties. Questioning teenagers had to turn to books or TV for their role models. While there were gay men aplenty in classic literature, lesbians were thin on the ground. Switching to TV, I saw my future career paths were either rural vet or embattled convict.
Not only do these celebrities assure LGBT people of all ages that they're not alone, the support they receive lets them know that they won't be automatically ostracised; that the people who matter will still regard them with love and respect. These gifted men and women show them they can aim for the very top and there is no need for them to feel guilty or ashamed.
The other type of sneering, the "We already knew", is equally damaging. Not only are they denying that person agency and the right to privacy - nobody "knows" anything until they actually confirm it - it smacks of negative stereotyping. Nobody's gaydar (vile phrase) is one hundred percent accurate; I defy most straight people to pick a lesbian or gay man out of a line up. If it's tricky enough for us to decide whether someone's a potential love interest or friendly and open minded, what makes these straight critics such experts? The double takes many of us receive when coming out proves there is no such thing as a gay "look" or behaviour.
So please stop undermining these brave men and women for choosing what is right over what is easy, and acknowledging to the world who they are.
