Heather Nestleroad's Blog, page 7
March 28, 2014
Give Peace A Chance
Daphne is working this spring break. She has a job at the mall. Last night when she arrived home she asked this question, "what do Amish people have against peace signs?" What? Yeah I have no idea. Which is of course what I said. Apparently some Amish people came in and were looking at clothing and when they saw they had peace signs on them they just left. She found this curious as I suppose I would have when I was her age. I suppose it is a little curious even now but I don't care enough about what other people will or won't wear to worry about it. Unless of course you are at an amusement park walking around in a bikini and refuse to put clothes on, then I have a problem with you. I am a firm believer that there is a reason why we have clothes and also that there is a reason why we invented houses (no I don't want to go camping with you) but that's another story.
I love this girl so much because of her curiosity. Of course she googled it. As it turns out it isn't a matter of not giving peace a chance so much as it is a matter of vanity. She felt better about the lack of purchase after that. She thought it was different and she didn't get it but then she says she doesn't understand Jewish people not wanting to finish the rest of the Bible either so...there's that too. Her outlook on these things while perhaps a bit misguided are funny.
People are interesting. Each one of us made in God's image and yet with different personalities and interests. It is perfectly natural to be curious about our differences. I think the key is to learn about others while not losing sight of who we are. Accepting others is an exercise in tolerance and love. I also believe that we can love people who are different from us while not agreeing with their choices and beliefs.
What do you suppose keeps us from accepting people who are different than ourselves? Fear? I wonder what we stand to lose. My kids are still young and learning about the world, but it is interesting when it is adults that are not accepting. Here is what I find interesting. The very foundation of our country was built on the pursuit of religious freedom. Yet we cannot say prayer in schools and we cannot have the very mention of God in print or word in government buildings. Some people are offended by my Christian beliefs and have gone to court to attempt to quiet them and the irony of the situation is that God is so much a part of our country they put God on our money. "In God We Trust" And I have not once seen any of these people refusing to spend money.
I am offended by lots of things as I am sure many of my fellow Christians are. The difference is this...I am not afraid of their beliefs as much as others are of mine. It bothers me that people who are sworn to protect what our country stands for are willing to bend and change laws to accommodate people who have a problem with the very things that our country was founded on. I'm not going to take anyone to court, I'm not going to get into a debate, and I'm not going to make anyone feel like less because they don't have the same beliefs as I do. Which would be another difference. I feel it's better if I just speak truth, pray, and leave it up to God to deal with that.
If you want to wear peace signs or a bikini that's your choice. I think bikinis belong on a beach or by a pool and not around an amusement park. I may look at you curiously and the mother in me will want to cover you up but it's your choice. Just like it's my choice to think orange is a horrible color and ranks right up there with the color of baby food peas. No good can come from it. A lot of good can come from believing in Jesus but again it is your choice to believe. Just give me the same courtesy as I choose to give you for your beliefs. Give peace a chance.
I love this girl so much because of her curiosity. Of course she googled it. As it turns out it isn't a matter of not giving peace a chance so much as it is a matter of vanity. She felt better about the lack of purchase after that. She thought it was different and she didn't get it but then she says she doesn't understand Jewish people not wanting to finish the rest of the Bible either so...there's that too. Her outlook on these things while perhaps a bit misguided are funny.
People are interesting. Each one of us made in God's image and yet with different personalities and interests. It is perfectly natural to be curious about our differences. I think the key is to learn about others while not losing sight of who we are. Accepting others is an exercise in tolerance and love. I also believe that we can love people who are different from us while not agreeing with their choices and beliefs.
What do you suppose keeps us from accepting people who are different than ourselves? Fear? I wonder what we stand to lose. My kids are still young and learning about the world, but it is interesting when it is adults that are not accepting. Here is what I find interesting. The very foundation of our country was built on the pursuit of religious freedom. Yet we cannot say prayer in schools and we cannot have the very mention of God in print or word in government buildings. Some people are offended by my Christian beliefs and have gone to court to attempt to quiet them and the irony of the situation is that God is so much a part of our country they put God on our money. "In God We Trust" And I have not once seen any of these people refusing to spend money.
I am offended by lots of things as I am sure many of my fellow Christians are. The difference is this...I am not afraid of their beliefs as much as others are of mine. It bothers me that people who are sworn to protect what our country stands for are willing to bend and change laws to accommodate people who have a problem with the very things that our country was founded on. I'm not going to take anyone to court, I'm not going to get into a debate, and I'm not going to make anyone feel like less because they don't have the same beliefs as I do. Which would be another difference. I feel it's better if I just speak truth, pray, and leave it up to God to deal with that.
If you want to wear peace signs or a bikini that's your choice. I think bikinis belong on a beach or by a pool and not around an amusement park. I may look at you curiously and the mother in me will want to cover you up but it's your choice. Just like it's my choice to think orange is a horrible color and ranks right up there with the color of baby food peas. No good can come from it. A lot of good can come from believing in Jesus but again it is your choice to believe. Just give me the same courtesy as I choose to give you for your beliefs. Give peace a chance.
March 24, 2014
An Eighteen Year Old and Welcome Spring Break!
So much has happened that I'm not sure where to begin. First I should tell you that I'm getting ready for a book signing in my home town for If I Grow A Beard, Do I Have to Dye That Too? Of course, you know how I feel about public speaking so as you can imagine I'm stoked! I have had some visions that it goes very well. Let's hope that it does and I don't embarrass myself in front of everyone.
Daphne turned eighteen. I am now the mother of a legal adult! It seems crazy to think that she is going to be going to college in the fall. She has already chosen her college and spent the night there for an admitted student weekend. She is excited for this next step in her life and we are as well. I am trying to remain supportive and yet I'm a little freaked out at the same time. On her birthday I went up to random people at work to ask if I looked older. "Do I have any extra wrinkles? Do you see any extra grey hairs?" These are questions I asked people. Other than thinking that perhaps I had lost a couple more marbles, everyone seemed to think I looked the same age as I was the day before.
This last Saturday we had her family birthday party. (Disclaimer: It is about to be revealed to you exactly how I became the way I am.) We had the party at a local pizza parlor and invited the usual cast of characters. My in-laws and my side of the family which consists of my grandma, dad, two aunts, an uncle, and one cousin for this particular party. There was a room set up with one long table with enough chairs to accommodate everyone invited. We (my husband and children and I) strategically scattered ourselves among the seating so as to be able to socialize with the guests instead of just each other. My grandma and my uncle were the first to arrive. My grandma promptly proclaims that she must sit in the booth off to the side because of her back. So she sits there and my uncle sits with her. As everyone arrived people said hello and I noticed the most ridiculous thing was happening. My in-laws all came to sit with us and everyone from my side of the family squeezed around that small table where grandma had perched herself, grabbing chairs and sitting over there and not socializing with anyone but each other through the entire party. Not even the birthday girl was acknowledged aside from a hello and happy birthday. When I realized what was happening, I started giggling at the craziness of the situation I found us in.
Through the entire party they spoke to only each other and didn't intermingle at all until they were leaving at which point they told everyone goodbye and left before we had all the cupcakes passed out. It is at times like this I wonder why we bother. At what point do we just give up and say, "you know what, I don't think it's worth it." I thought back to our wedding. I distinctly remember lighting the unity candle that united our families making us one big family and yet...that is not what I witnessed at this party. If anything I felt as though I had just witnessed a family reunion that we weren't allowed to participate in. As mentioned before we had plenty of seating at the large table that was set up for everyone. You know...the cupcakes were pretty good. I'm sorry they missed out.
Today is the first day of Spring Break for us. In case your children are in need of shots for school, I should tell you that the first day of Spring Break is a great time to get shots. Everyone is gone and it is nothing to get in and get out.
We started the morning with this statement from me to them: "Listen guys, there is a lot of work that needs to happen in this house this week and we all need to help." To which Daphne responded with, "Yeah you have fun with that I'm working every day." I looked at Scotty and said, "You really need to work on your room." He said, "Yeah I was thinking about that and I think you should buy me another laundry basket." "Why do you need another laundry basket?" "So I can get the dirty laundry off of my floor." "But you could just go down and get your clean laundry that is in your current basket and put it away so you can put your dirty laundry in it." "No I don't like that idea. I think we should do my plan." "No, just no. Go down and get your clean laundry and bring it up and put it away." And so it went. At this point I'm not sure what I've done to get these children to be so silly. (Wait don't answer that! I just remembered I'm their mom. Message received.) But I did get Daphne and Megan to do some chores today and Scotty did end up seeing things my way and put his laundry away. He says it's my fault that he is behind because I keep doing laundry. Something tells me that he is going to have my logic when it comes to certain things and I can't decide whether to be frightened or proud. I'm leaning toward proud. Heaven help us all!
Daphne turned eighteen. I am now the mother of a legal adult! It seems crazy to think that she is going to be going to college in the fall. She has already chosen her college and spent the night there for an admitted student weekend. She is excited for this next step in her life and we are as well. I am trying to remain supportive and yet I'm a little freaked out at the same time. On her birthday I went up to random people at work to ask if I looked older. "Do I have any extra wrinkles? Do you see any extra grey hairs?" These are questions I asked people. Other than thinking that perhaps I had lost a couple more marbles, everyone seemed to think I looked the same age as I was the day before.
This last Saturday we had her family birthday party. (Disclaimer: It is about to be revealed to you exactly how I became the way I am.) We had the party at a local pizza parlor and invited the usual cast of characters. My in-laws and my side of the family which consists of my grandma, dad, two aunts, an uncle, and one cousin for this particular party. There was a room set up with one long table with enough chairs to accommodate everyone invited. We (my husband and children and I) strategically scattered ourselves among the seating so as to be able to socialize with the guests instead of just each other. My grandma and my uncle were the first to arrive. My grandma promptly proclaims that she must sit in the booth off to the side because of her back. So she sits there and my uncle sits with her. As everyone arrived people said hello and I noticed the most ridiculous thing was happening. My in-laws all came to sit with us and everyone from my side of the family squeezed around that small table where grandma had perched herself, grabbing chairs and sitting over there and not socializing with anyone but each other through the entire party. Not even the birthday girl was acknowledged aside from a hello and happy birthday. When I realized what was happening, I started giggling at the craziness of the situation I found us in.
Through the entire party they spoke to only each other and didn't intermingle at all until they were leaving at which point they told everyone goodbye and left before we had all the cupcakes passed out. It is at times like this I wonder why we bother. At what point do we just give up and say, "you know what, I don't think it's worth it." I thought back to our wedding. I distinctly remember lighting the unity candle that united our families making us one big family and yet...that is not what I witnessed at this party. If anything I felt as though I had just witnessed a family reunion that we weren't allowed to participate in. As mentioned before we had plenty of seating at the large table that was set up for everyone. You know...the cupcakes were pretty good. I'm sorry they missed out.
Today is the first day of Spring Break for us. In case your children are in need of shots for school, I should tell you that the first day of Spring Break is a great time to get shots. Everyone is gone and it is nothing to get in and get out.
We started the morning with this statement from me to them: "Listen guys, there is a lot of work that needs to happen in this house this week and we all need to help." To which Daphne responded with, "Yeah you have fun with that I'm working every day." I looked at Scotty and said, "You really need to work on your room." He said, "Yeah I was thinking about that and I think you should buy me another laundry basket." "Why do you need another laundry basket?" "So I can get the dirty laundry off of my floor." "But you could just go down and get your clean laundry that is in your current basket and put it away so you can put your dirty laundry in it." "No I don't like that idea. I think we should do my plan." "No, just no. Go down and get your clean laundry and bring it up and put it away." And so it went. At this point I'm not sure what I've done to get these children to be so silly. (Wait don't answer that! I just remembered I'm their mom. Message received.) But I did get Daphne and Megan to do some chores today and Scotty did end up seeing things my way and put his laundry away. He says it's my fault that he is behind because I keep doing laundry. Something tells me that he is going to have my logic when it comes to certain things and I can't decide whether to be frightened or proud. I'm leaning toward proud. Heaven help us all!
January 29, 2014
Winter, Treadmills, and Kevin James
This has been a hard winter. The weather has been far more winter-like than I enjoy. Subzero temps and so much snow that I almost long for the color green. With the loss of Linus adding to the hardship of the winter it is safe to say that we are ready for spring to arrive.
We have missed a great deal of school due to the weather and when we get these unexpected days off we tend to spend them watching movies and reading books. Yesterday we had one of these days and as I woke up, I thought of how I had sat much of the last three days due to the weather and not being able to get out. It occurred to me that perhaps my muscles and bones were starting to atrophy. I decided to get up and get on the treadmill to get some exercise. It has been quite some time since I exercised, so I started out on level two. I started out pretty strong for being so weak. But then I started feeling quite weak.
I was walking up and down small inclines and thinking how useful it would be when we take our trip to the sandy beaches this year. I was encouraging myself that this was good to be exercising my muscles this way when ...I started feeling a bit nauseous and light headed. I had five minutes left and I was not going to make it. My thoughts then turned to whether I would throw up or pass out first. I stopped it and got off and sat down (if I insert here that I sat on the Bowflex do I get extra exercise points?). My son brought me water, asked if I was going to be ok, and then got back to the business of Minecraft. As I am trying to cool myself off and considering if this is in fact what it means to be a heart attack waiting to happen the phone rings.
I pull myself to standing and walk slanted to answer the phone. It was a woman wanting to set up an appointment with my husband and me. As the room was currently spinning and I was noticing the amount of sweat pooling on my back I informed her that I was going to need a minute as she caught me figuring out that I was in fact alarmingly out of shape and that I was having flash backs to every Kevin James movie I'd ever seen when he had to do any physical activity ever. I checked the calendar made the appointment and got off the phone.
It was at this point that my eldest daughter came downstairs and I informed her that I was a heart attack waiting to happen and that she gets the exact amount of exercise I do so she may be too. I then told her to go get on the treadmill. She declined and went after some Frosted Flakes for breakfast. I went after some oatmeal because....fiber. I also used a packet instead of making it myself from the large container so who are we kidding here, I wasn't going for completely full. I also worked on drinking my bottle of water, also known as the stuff that saves you when you are having a breakdown on a treadmill, also you know...fiber...it needs water. So I'm having breakfast and trying to convince her to exercise with me and she says she can't because she has to work that night and she needs to be able to move. When she finished breakfast she promptly when upstairs to shower and get ready for the work she had coming in seven hours.
I finished breakfast and soon went to finish my last five minutes on the treadmill. After which I did a couple of things on the Bowflex and a few crunches. Later when I talked to a friend on the phone I told her about my exercise adventure. I also told her that someone had once again asked me to go to zumba. I told her that there was no way I'd be able to keep up in a zumba class if I can't finish thirty minutes on a treadmill and while I knew that in schools they have defibrillators in many hallways I had never seen one in the church where these zumba classes take place.
I had very good thoughts about getting started on physical fitness this year. Those thoughts were trumped by Ben and Jerry's and the fact that everyone sends us fudge for Christmas and I eat when I'm sad. It's a starting point this last adventure on the treadmill though. I may get introduced as the fat cousin at my cousin's wedding this next month but I think that is OK. Everyone should be looking at the bride anyway. Plus it would be a shame to be dieting when we go to the wedding. Rumor has it they are having a dessert bar and who wants to miss out on that? That being said I think we have more snow coming and there is a very good chance that we are not finished with the unexpected days off from school. Perhaps instead of spending the entire time sitting and reading two books this next time I'll read a bit while I walk on the treadmill. Even more sad than missing out on the dessert bar is being wildly out of shape and not being willing to make a change.
We have missed a great deal of school due to the weather and when we get these unexpected days off we tend to spend them watching movies and reading books. Yesterday we had one of these days and as I woke up, I thought of how I had sat much of the last three days due to the weather and not being able to get out. It occurred to me that perhaps my muscles and bones were starting to atrophy. I decided to get up and get on the treadmill to get some exercise. It has been quite some time since I exercised, so I started out on level two. I started out pretty strong for being so weak. But then I started feeling quite weak.
I was walking up and down small inclines and thinking how useful it would be when we take our trip to the sandy beaches this year. I was encouraging myself that this was good to be exercising my muscles this way when ...I started feeling a bit nauseous and light headed. I had five minutes left and I was not going to make it. My thoughts then turned to whether I would throw up or pass out first. I stopped it and got off and sat down (if I insert here that I sat on the Bowflex do I get extra exercise points?). My son brought me water, asked if I was going to be ok, and then got back to the business of Minecraft. As I am trying to cool myself off and considering if this is in fact what it means to be a heart attack waiting to happen the phone rings.
I pull myself to standing and walk slanted to answer the phone. It was a woman wanting to set up an appointment with my husband and me. As the room was currently spinning and I was noticing the amount of sweat pooling on my back I informed her that I was going to need a minute as she caught me figuring out that I was in fact alarmingly out of shape and that I was having flash backs to every Kevin James movie I'd ever seen when he had to do any physical activity ever. I checked the calendar made the appointment and got off the phone.
It was at this point that my eldest daughter came downstairs and I informed her that I was a heart attack waiting to happen and that she gets the exact amount of exercise I do so she may be too. I then told her to go get on the treadmill. She declined and went after some Frosted Flakes for breakfast. I went after some oatmeal because....fiber. I also used a packet instead of making it myself from the large container so who are we kidding here, I wasn't going for completely full. I also worked on drinking my bottle of water, also known as the stuff that saves you when you are having a breakdown on a treadmill, also you know...fiber...it needs water. So I'm having breakfast and trying to convince her to exercise with me and she says she can't because she has to work that night and she needs to be able to move. When she finished breakfast she promptly when upstairs to shower and get ready for the work she had coming in seven hours.
I finished breakfast and soon went to finish my last five minutes on the treadmill. After which I did a couple of things on the Bowflex and a few crunches. Later when I talked to a friend on the phone I told her about my exercise adventure. I also told her that someone had once again asked me to go to zumba. I told her that there was no way I'd be able to keep up in a zumba class if I can't finish thirty minutes on a treadmill and while I knew that in schools they have defibrillators in many hallways I had never seen one in the church where these zumba classes take place.
I had very good thoughts about getting started on physical fitness this year. Those thoughts were trumped by Ben and Jerry's and the fact that everyone sends us fudge for Christmas and I eat when I'm sad. It's a starting point this last adventure on the treadmill though. I may get introduced as the fat cousin at my cousin's wedding this next month but I think that is OK. Everyone should be looking at the bride anyway. Plus it would be a shame to be dieting when we go to the wedding. Rumor has it they are having a dessert bar and who wants to miss out on that? That being said I think we have more snow coming and there is a very good chance that we are not finished with the unexpected days off from school. Perhaps instead of spending the entire time sitting and reading two books this next time I'll read a bit while I walk on the treadmill. Even more sad than missing out on the dessert bar is being wildly out of shape and not being willing to make a change.
January 13, 2014
A Day Gone Bad and a Goodbye to Linus
There are days in this life that we wish we could get a do over. It is not yet five on a Monday morning and I am wishing it were Sunday so I could restart that day and try again. And yet I'm not sure what I could have done differently other than not opening my front door.
A simple act really. Just opening the door to let my cat out so that he can get some fresh air and stretch after napping on the couch beside me most of the afternoon. But this one act would set a course for the day that I'm not sure reveals the best of me. Perhaps only revealing my cowardice.
A stray dog that looked to have some pit bull in him was at my front door earlier in the day. I had only noticed him when my son's friend came over to play. I told the dog to go home. He didn't and stuck around. I posted on facebook asking for anyone who might know the owner. He stood on my porch shaking and howling before disappearing. I didn't see him. I thought he had run off in search of home, although I venture a guess that he had no home or not one that wanted him back as he looked hungry and was not wearing a collar.
My cats are indoor/outdoor cats. They like to come in and rest but they also like to go out and play and feel the fresh air and roam around the yard. This had never been a problem before. The number of times I have opened my door to let cats in or out are too numerous to count. It would be like trying to number the stars.
Close to ten years ago my mother lost her battle to cancer on a July evening during a lightening storm. The following April on Easter my cat Lucy was found having been hit by a car. We had had Lucy for four years. We got her as a kitten and she was our cat Gabby's best friend after she decided to let her stay. Gabby was not happy about the addition to our family at first. Lucy was a great mouser and when I was pregnant with my son both she and Gabby followed me everywhere guarding me even if I went to the restroom. When she died we were devastated and it only compounded our grief over losing my mom.
My husband not one to want us to be hurt took us to a coworker's home a couple months later and let us pick out a kitten from her litter. We sat among the kittens and Linus was ours from the moment I first held him. Linus we were told was a girl. Which is when our adventures with Linus began. We named "her" Lilly and took "her" home. When I took "her" to the vet you can imagine their surprise that we had named this cat Lilly. As it turned out Lilly had testicles and was a boy. Linus had long hair and we never looked for ourselves. I then had to come up with another L name on the spot and Linus' identity crises ended.
Linus has been with us since 2005. He quickly became my buddy. He liked to be where I was. Often sleeping at the foot of my bed or sleeping on my favorite white couch beside me. Sometimes he would lay on my kitchen counter in front of the window and when we told him to get down he would look at us like he had no idea what our problem was. One evening I even found him investigating the washer and dryer. He was so funny and full of life which he helped to breathe into us after suffering a few tough losses.
I opened my front door. I stood there at the door to make sure he didn't want to come back inside. Then I noticed he was looking at something and his hair started sticking straight up. I turned to see the stray coming out of the igloo we keep on our porch for the cats. I told him to come back inside but he wouldn't, his eyes fixed on the dog. I told the dog to go. The the cat jumped and bounced out off the side of the house and took off to the neighbor's house with the dog chasing him. I tried to find a number for help but I couldn't see straight. I grabbed my shoes and ran to get a baseball bat and took off to find my cat at the neighbor's house being circled by the dog. I rang the doorbell and asked for help. The came out to help and the dog attacked. I hit the dog on the back with the bat but he wouldn't let go. Eventually we got them separated and I got my carrier and we got Linus in it and carried home. The neighbors got the dog tied up and called for someone to come take the dog away.
We kept him in the carrier until my husband got home and we took him to the vet. Linus was in shock and cold. We warmed him up and gave him pain meds and well...they tried everything they could but only Jesus could save him. So He took him home.
Our four legged friends become a part of our families. Often times they are like one of the kids or one of our closest confidants. That is what Linus was for us. I imagine what it is like for him in Heaven. Running around with Lucy even though they never met and driving my mother crazy. The sadness we feel over the loss of him is like a hole is inside us and it won't close or perhaps like being punched so hard and the ache just won't go away.
If only I hadn't opened the door. If only I had called to have someone take the dog earlier in the day. I kept thinking maybe someone would claim him. I kept thinking if I call and have him taken away they may kill him. I didn't want to end him I only wanted him to go away and I thought eventually he would, that he had. And for this moment and for this week I am going to wish I had called and wish I could have shot that dog the moment I opened the door. I'm going to wish I had ended the dog and my cat were still here to lay on the couch beside me and follow me upstairs and lay in my closet. This week in my grieving I am not going to feel sympathy for the dog who killed my cat, my friend, my four legged kid, my confidant. And yet even as I type that I know that even if I did have a gun, I'm not sure I could have just shot the dog when I opened the door and what does that say about me?
"All things have been handed over to Me by My Father; and no one knows the Son except the Father; nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and anyone to whom the Son wills to reveal Him. "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.… Those passages from Matthew are what I cling to. I will continue to go to my Father and seek his comfort and peace. Please pray for us.
A simple act really. Just opening the door to let my cat out so that he can get some fresh air and stretch after napping on the couch beside me most of the afternoon. But this one act would set a course for the day that I'm not sure reveals the best of me. Perhaps only revealing my cowardice.
A stray dog that looked to have some pit bull in him was at my front door earlier in the day. I had only noticed him when my son's friend came over to play. I told the dog to go home. He didn't and stuck around. I posted on facebook asking for anyone who might know the owner. He stood on my porch shaking and howling before disappearing. I didn't see him. I thought he had run off in search of home, although I venture a guess that he had no home or not one that wanted him back as he looked hungry and was not wearing a collar.
My cats are indoor/outdoor cats. They like to come in and rest but they also like to go out and play and feel the fresh air and roam around the yard. This had never been a problem before. The number of times I have opened my door to let cats in or out are too numerous to count. It would be like trying to number the stars.
Close to ten years ago my mother lost her battle to cancer on a July evening during a lightening storm. The following April on Easter my cat Lucy was found having been hit by a car. We had had Lucy for four years. We got her as a kitten and she was our cat Gabby's best friend after she decided to let her stay. Gabby was not happy about the addition to our family at first. Lucy was a great mouser and when I was pregnant with my son both she and Gabby followed me everywhere guarding me even if I went to the restroom. When she died we were devastated and it only compounded our grief over losing my mom.
My husband not one to want us to be hurt took us to a coworker's home a couple months later and let us pick out a kitten from her litter. We sat among the kittens and Linus was ours from the moment I first held him. Linus we were told was a girl. Which is when our adventures with Linus began. We named "her" Lilly and took "her" home. When I took "her" to the vet you can imagine their surprise that we had named this cat Lilly. As it turned out Lilly had testicles and was a boy. Linus had long hair and we never looked for ourselves. I then had to come up with another L name on the spot and Linus' identity crises ended.
Linus has been with us since 2005. He quickly became my buddy. He liked to be where I was. Often sleeping at the foot of my bed or sleeping on my favorite white couch beside me. Sometimes he would lay on my kitchen counter in front of the window and when we told him to get down he would look at us like he had no idea what our problem was. One evening I even found him investigating the washer and dryer. He was so funny and full of life which he helped to breathe into us after suffering a few tough losses.
I opened my front door. I stood there at the door to make sure he didn't want to come back inside. Then I noticed he was looking at something and his hair started sticking straight up. I turned to see the stray coming out of the igloo we keep on our porch for the cats. I told him to come back inside but he wouldn't, his eyes fixed on the dog. I told the dog to go. The the cat jumped and bounced out off the side of the house and took off to the neighbor's house with the dog chasing him. I tried to find a number for help but I couldn't see straight. I grabbed my shoes and ran to get a baseball bat and took off to find my cat at the neighbor's house being circled by the dog. I rang the doorbell and asked for help. The came out to help and the dog attacked. I hit the dog on the back with the bat but he wouldn't let go. Eventually we got them separated and I got my carrier and we got Linus in it and carried home. The neighbors got the dog tied up and called for someone to come take the dog away.
We kept him in the carrier until my husband got home and we took him to the vet. Linus was in shock and cold. We warmed him up and gave him pain meds and well...they tried everything they could but only Jesus could save him. So He took him home.
Our four legged friends become a part of our families. Often times they are like one of the kids or one of our closest confidants. That is what Linus was for us. I imagine what it is like for him in Heaven. Running around with Lucy even though they never met and driving my mother crazy. The sadness we feel over the loss of him is like a hole is inside us and it won't close or perhaps like being punched so hard and the ache just won't go away.
If only I hadn't opened the door. If only I had called to have someone take the dog earlier in the day. I kept thinking maybe someone would claim him. I kept thinking if I call and have him taken away they may kill him. I didn't want to end him I only wanted him to go away and I thought eventually he would, that he had. And for this moment and for this week I am going to wish I had called and wish I could have shot that dog the moment I opened the door. I'm going to wish I had ended the dog and my cat were still here to lay on the couch beside me and follow me upstairs and lay in my closet. This week in my grieving I am not going to feel sympathy for the dog who killed my cat, my friend, my four legged kid, my confidant. And yet even as I type that I know that even if I did have a gun, I'm not sure I could have just shot the dog when I opened the door and what does that say about me?
"All things have been handed over to Me by My Father; and no one knows the Son except the Father; nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and anyone to whom the Son wills to reveal Him. "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.… Those passages from Matthew are what I cling to. I will continue to go to my Father and seek his comfort and peace. Please pray for us.
January 11, 2014
Applebee's and Seinfeld
We were recently snowed in for a week making our Christmas vacation from school three weeks off instead of the customary two. While I am not a fan of snow in any amount I am a fan of a three week break. Telling myself each day that the days off were God's way of telling me He loves me best. The first three days were golden and while the final two days were equally as pleasing I had started to resign myself to the fact that we were never going to leave the house again.
My husband being in the line of work he is in had to go to work no matter what level of travel status we were. I will be honest here and tell you that there were days we just stayed in our pajamas. Other days we just hung out in sweats. My hair was never styled and my make up never put on. For what purpose would they have served? If you can't relax and be real with the people in your house then who can you? Laundry was done, meals were prepared and a great deal of movies were watched and some intense games of Scrabble were played. I found myself in a place of contentment that told me that I could stay that way forever. We were living in a frozen tundra what did we need to leave for? My husband could bring home supplies. We never had to leave again. We would go through our lives as hermits and that was that.
Until Friday after lunch when...my husband deemed it safe to take our son and his friend sledding. He was off work for the day and couldn't wait to take the boys to have some fun. I stayed behind with the girls. One of my girls has a part time job and had to go to work later in the afternoon so we were staying behind so she could get ready and my other daughter and I could well ...do much of what we had been doing for three weeks...sit and relax.
When my husband returned he as well as my daughter (the one who did not have to go to work heretofore to be referred to as the traitor) decided we would all be venturing out. Sticking a monkey wrench into my hermit lifestyle plans. It is an interesting thing to go out when you have been in for a week. Mind you I had stepped onto the porch but that is as far as I had gone. After all everyone has to have snow cream sometimes right? But we went out out. Out of the house, into the car, and onto the road not just venturing out of the house but into town. It was an odd feeling. The air was so fresh. We took our oldest to work and then asked Megan where she wanted to go.
We ended up at Kohl's where we bought nothing. Then we went to Hobby Lobby where we bought nothing but found so many things we wanted. We ended at the restaurant that no one wants to go to alone and apparently everyone in the county decided to go to also, Applebee's. We walked into a crowd resembling the Tickle Me Elmo fiasco of the 90's. I walked up to the hostess to give her my name and she directed me to another hostess to put my name on her list first. This has never happened at any time to us when we have gone here. All of a sudden I'm in an episode of Seinfeld.
Megan and I stayed to wait out the 20-25 minutes is was supposed to take to get seated while the boys went to look at an electronics store. So I look at Megan and say, "Two lists? Why are there two lists? Do we have to make our way up the first list to get onto the other list? Are they even communicating with each other? Do they have walkies? Is it 20-25 minutes to get seated or just to make it onto the list inside the restaurant?" Megan looks up at me and says, "I don't know." "You don't know? Hey! I see someone I know. I think I'll go ask her, she was here before us." I then get a glare and "Sure just leave me here alone." "Fine I'll stay here but don't you have questions?" "No." She says. So I stand there contemplating what is happening. Watching the people come in and not once watching the hostesses communicate with each other. My daughter sees an opening on the bench and we go sit down.
"Seriously? Have you seen them talk to each other? We've been here almost a half an hour. Two lists! What is this New York? Why do they need two lists?" A blank stare. "Well I'm going to go up and ask where we are." I go up to the hostess. "Excuse me can you tell me where we are on the list? Heather party of four?" She responds with, "Which person did you give your name to me or the other lady." "The other lady." (I knew there was a problem with this system.) She looks up and down the list and finally finds us. She points and say, "Well you are here and I am right up here." I retreat to my seat. "You are here? What is she a map of the mall? Time? I need to know a time! How much longer? That was the question." All things that I am saying in my head of course at this point because Megan apparently doesn't realize we are in the middle of a Seinfeld episode in my mind.
When we finally get seated I tell my husband about being in a Seinfeld episode. He smiled indulgently at me and by the time our food arrives nothing else exists. A meal provided by someone who isn't me is a beautiful thing to all of us. After dinner we walked the dying mall and it does not occur to me that I have left my umbrella in the restaurant until it is time to go home. When I arrived I noticed they are still just as busy because like I said EVERYONE in the county decided to go to Applebee's after a long winter's nap. I retrieve my umbrella and find people I know. I stopped to say hello and then asked if they were going with the two lists thing. They replied that they were and I went into my bit. They smiled...apparently I'm the only one who thought it was like being in a Seinfeld episode.
Now that I can see the road and see the grass outside. I can't help but wonder if my attitude about leaving the house this last week was a wake up call. Now that I'm free to leave of my own volition I can see how I can get sucked into the mentality that I never have to move again from the comfort and confines of my own home. While I did take a break and enjoy time with my family is that enough? I communicated very little with the outside world and I was happy. This is a frightening thought. How can you make a difference if you settle in? How can you share the love of Jesus if you aren't communicating with anyone except the people in your house? While I believe that everything starts at home it is only when we branch out that we can change. I didn't write one word while on my break and maybe I could have gone the rest of my life never writing again. Just sitting on my couch watching the world go by without me. But then I wouldn't be able to make a difference at all in the world and you can't do that without going out into the world or at least writing to them.
So now that the deep freeze is over and Applebee's is hopefully back to normal we are going out. We are venturing into town and looking at the world around us. Noticing the Seinfeld bits that are waiting to happen in restaurants and I'm back to the laptop to share our stories and taking a break from my break on my favorite couch. Stay tuned.
My husband being in the line of work he is in had to go to work no matter what level of travel status we were. I will be honest here and tell you that there were days we just stayed in our pajamas. Other days we just hung out in sweats. My hair was never styled and my make up never put on. For what purpose would they have served? If you can't relax and be real with the people in your house then who can you? Laundry was done, meals were prepared and a great deal of movies were watched and some intense games of Scrabble were played. I found myself in a place of contentment that told me that I could stay that way forever. We were living in a frozen tundra what did we need to leave for? My husband could bring home supplies. We never had to leave again. We would go through our lives as hermits and that was that.
Until Friday after lunch when...my husband deemed it safe to take our son and his friend sledding. He was off work for the day and couldn't wait to take the boys to have some fun. I stayed behind with the girls. One of my girls has a part time job and had to go to work later in the afternoon so we were staying behind so she could get ready and my other daughter and I could well ...do much of what we had been doing for three weeks...sit and relax.
When my husband returned he as well as my daughter (the one who did not have to go to work heretofore to be referred to as the traitor) decided we would all be venturing out. Sticking a monkey wrench into my hermit lifestyle plans. It is an interesting thing to go out when you have been in for a week. Mind you I had stepped onto the porch but that is as far as I had gone. After all everyone has to have snow cream sometimes right? But we went out out. Out of the house, into the car, and onto the road not just venturing out of the house but into town. It was an odd feeling. The air was so fresh. We took our oldest to work and then asked Megan where she wanted to go.
We ended up at Kohl's where we bought nothing. Then we went to Hobby Lobby where we bought nothing but found so many things we wanted. We ended at the restaurant that no one wants to go to alone and apparently everyone in the county decided to go to also, Applebee's. We walked into a crowd resembling the Tickle Me Elmo fiasco of the 90's. I walked up to the hostess to give her my name and she directed me to another hostess to put my name on her list first. This has never happened at any time to us when we have gone here. All of a sudden I'm in an episode of Seinfeld.
Megan and I stayed to wait out the 20-25 minutes is was supposed to take to get seated while the boys went to look at an electronics store. So I look at Megan and say, "Two lists? Why are there two lists? Do we have to make our way up the first list to get onto the other list? Are they even communicating with each other? Do they have walkies? Is it 20-25 minutes to get seated or just to make it onto the list inside the restaurant?" Megan looks up at me and says, "I don't know." "You don't know? Hey! I see someone I know. I think I'll go ask her, she was here before us." I then get a glare and "Sure just leave me here alone." "Fine I'll stay here but don't you have questions?" "No." She says. So I stand there contemplating what is happening. Watching the people come in and not once watching the hostesses communicate with each other. My daughter sees an opening on the bench and we go sit down.
"Seriously? Have you seen them talk to each other? We've been here almost a half an hour. Two lists! What is this New York? Why do they need two lists?" A blank stare. "Well I'm going to go up and ask where we are." I go up to the hostess. "Excuse me can you tell me where we are on the list? Heather party of four?" She responds with, "Which person did you give your name to me or the other lady." "The other lady." (I knew there was a problem with this system.) She looks up and down the list and finally finds us. She points and say, "Well you are here and I am right up here." I retreat to my seat. "You are here? What is she a map of the mall? Time? I need to know a time! How much longer? That was the question." All things that I am saying in my head of course at this point because Megan apparently doesn't realize we are in the middle of a Seinfeld episode in my mind.
When we finally get seated I tell my husband about being in a Seinfeld episode. He smiled indulgently at me and by the time our food arrives nothing else exists. A meal provided by someone who isn't me is a beautiful thing to all of us. After dinner we walked the dying mall and it does not occur to me that I have left my umbrella in the restaurant until it is time to go home. When I arrived I noticed they are still just as busy because like I said EVERYONE in the county decided to go to Applebee's after a long winter's nap. I retrieve my umbrella and find people I know. I stopped to say hello and then asked if they were going with the two lists thing. They replied that they were and I went into my bit. They smiled...apparently I'm the only one who thought it was like being in a Seinfeld episode.
Now that I can see the road and see the grass outside. I can't help but wonder if my attitude about leaving the house this last week was a wake up call. Now that I'm free to leave of my own volition I can see how I can get sucked into the mentality that I never have to move again from the comfort and confines of my own home. While I did take a break and enjoy time with my family is that enough? I communicated very little with the outside world and I was happy. This is a frightening thought. How can you make a difference if you settle in? How can you share the love of Jesus if you aren't communicating with anyone except the people in your house? While I believe that everything starts at home it is only when we branch out that we can change. I didn't write one word while on my break and maybe I could have gone the rest of my life never writing again. Just sitting on my couch watching the world go by without me. But then I wouldn't be able to make a difference at all in the world and you can't do that without going out into the world or at least writing to them.
So now that the deep freeze is over and Applebee's is hopefully back to normal we are going out. We are venturing into town and looking at the world around us. Noticing the Seinfeld bits that are waiting to happen in restaurants and I'm back to the laptop to share our stories and taking a break from my break on my favorite couch. Stay tuned.
January 2, 2014
A New Year and Some Straight Lines
A new year. How can it be that it is 2014 already? I remember 1996, or I should say that I remember one thing very clearly about 1996. I became a mother. I am one of those people who when I think of the 90's, I think it was only ten years ago. Perhaps that is part of the problem. It wasn't just ten years ago.
My oldest daughter is seventeen. She will graduate from high school this year. In preparing for this event, I started cutting t-shirts into squares in an effort to make a t-shirt blanket for her. Yes I own a sewing machine, no I do not use it much. When my girls were little I thought I should learn to sew. A very kind lady from our church then helped me to make beautiful dresses and things for my girls. This lasted...well a short time. Raising two girls nineteen months apart became very busy and my sewing machine got put away for several years. It made a brief appearance to make a Halloween costume for my son several years ago as the thing he wanted to be was not sold in stores. Again with that costume I had help.
This week my sewing machine was brought out from under my bed and placed on a table in the family room to start the process of making a t-shirt blanket that I am not at all prepared to make both talent wise and emotionally. As I sit here this morning at my desk I realize I am dragging my feet. It it one step in the process of letting go and she woke up this morning not feeling well. How can she possibly be this old? In my mind's eye I can see her in her pig tails and footy pajamas carrying her teddy bear.
But then how fair is that? I myself was once a little girl in pig tails and footy pajamas carrying a teddy bear. Yet here I am a grown woman married with children and although I wish I could keep her with me forever, I know it isn't to be. It is not for me to clip her wings but to encourage her to spread them out and fly. To soar amongst this life and seek and find all that God has planned for her. For me to attempt to keep her is going against what my calling is as her mother.
Next year she will be in college and while she won't be far away she has spent her winter break telling everyone that this is our last Christmas together as next year she will be gone at college. I think it is her way of preparing herself for what is coming. Although I did have to burst her bubble and tell her the dorms close for break and she will be home for about a month for winter break in college.
I'm not prepared and yet I know that within the next few minutes I will be in there sewing the t-shirts together. I will look at the representation of her school career with fond memories and a curiosity of the ones she will create in college.
Life is a journey. Parenthood is a journey. We aren't necessarily prepared for any of it but it is comforting that we don't have to go through any of it alone.
So I have some sewing to do today. I don't remember how to get thread on that bobbin thing that goes inside the machine, I apparently should have gotten some sort of stabilizer so the t-shirts don't stretch when I sew them, and I am not exactly sure that this is going to go well. But I'm going for it. I'm going to start sewing my straight lines just as I am trying to walk a straight and narrow path. After all...how hard can it be?
My oldest daughter is seventeen. She will graduate from high school this year. In preparing for this event, I started cutting t-shirts into squares in an effort to make a t-shirt blanket for her. Yes I own a sewing machine, no I do not use it much. When my girls were little I thought I should learn to sew. A very kind lady from our church then helped me to make beautiful dresses and things for my girls. This lasted...well a short time. Raising two girls nineteen months apart became very busy and my sewing machine got put away for several years. It made a brief appearance to make a Halloween costume for my son several years ago as the thing he wanted to be was not sold in stores. Again with that costume I had help.
This week my sewing machine was brought out from under my bed and placed on a table in the family room to start the process of making a t-shirt blanket that I am not at all prepared to make both talent wise and emotionally. As I sit here this morning at my desk I realize I am dragging my feet. It it one step in the process of letting go and she woke up this morning not feeling well. How can she possibly be this old? In my mind's eye I can see her in her pig tails and footy pajamas carrying her teddy bear.
But then how fair is that? I myself was once a little girl in pig tails and footy pajamas carrying a teddy bear. Yet here I am a grown woman married with children and although I wish I could keep her with me forever, I know it isn't to be. It is not for me to clip her wings but to encourage her to spread them out and fly. To soar amongst this life and seek and find all that God has planned for her. For me to attempt to keep her is going against what my calling is as her mother.
Next year she will be in college and while she won't be far away she has spent her winter break telling everyone that this is our last Christmas together as next year she will be gone at college. I think it is her way of preparing herself for what is coming. Although I did have to burst her bubble and tell her the dorms close for break and she will be home for about a month for winter break in college.
I'm not prepared and yet I know that within the next few minutes I will be in there sewing the t-shirts together. I will look at the representation of her school career with fond memories and a curiosity of the ones she will create in college.
Life is a journey. Parenthood is a journey. We aren't necessarily prepared for any of it but it is comforting that we don't have to go through any of it alone.
So I have some sewing to do today. I don't remember how to get thread on that bobbin thing that goes inside the machine, I apparently should have gotten some sort of stabilizer so the t-shirts don't stretch when I sew them, and I am not exactly sure that this is going to go well. But I'm going for it. I'm going to start sewing my straight lines just as I am trying to walk a straight and narrow path. After all...how hard can it be?
December 24, 2013
Finding the Meaning in Blank Christmas Cards
I have never made Christmas cards online before. Last year I went to a store and made them in the store. Before that I had a friend who took our pictures and she designed our cards for us and I ordered them from her. This year was unique as we never found time to have our pictures taken. My only option was to use pictures we already had.
I went online picked out a card and placed the pictures in the picture spots. I previewed the card and placed the order. I then received a phone call from my husband. Vaughn: "Did you have some trouble with the online program honey?" Me: "No I don't think so? It said it would be ready tomorrow." Vaughn: "Yeah, they are printing now and they are blank."
Sixty. That would be the number of example cards that have no pictures and the wrong name that I had printed by mistake.
What I hadn't done was hit the save button before sending them. I didn't think I needed to save them as I didn't feel I would need to order more. No that is the key, you have to hit save, then preview, and then place the order. Information that would have been helpful the first time around.
Technology is not my friend. I think this may be proof. I have one of the blank cards I stuck in my purse to show my friends how brilliant I am. Just another clip from the Christmas card files.
All of this got me to thinking about how hard we try to have everything perfect...especially at Christmas. Christmas cards have been our "thing" for several years. We even had themes for our cards. People would look forward to seeing what the theme of the year would be. It was a lot of pressure.
The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. Presents are counted and wrapped. We search for the perfect gift to give to everyone on our list. The menu is planned to the last detail. We set out cookies and milk for Saint Nick. What does any of it have to do with Christmas? In a hundred different ways at any time during the course of a year we can show the people we love that we care simply by giving our time.
The spirit of Christmas has nothing to do stockings or trees or menus or cards. You can write Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, or any other salutation you like but Christmas was then, is now, and will always be a celebration of the birth of Jesus our Savior. What part of that isn't worth keeping in Christmas? Our Father gave his Son to us to save us and people want to take Christmas and turn it into something else. Without Jesus there is no reason to celebrate December 25th. Without Jesus there isn't a a gift. Jesus IS the gift. What are you searching for in a store that you have not already been given?
As I think about that blank card, the card without pictures, I realize that I have already been given the best gifts of all. Jesus gave me a family and a life. Without those pictures my life is like the blank card...incomplete and empty. Without Jesus I have no life.
This Christmas as you set out your milk and cookies and unwrap your gifts, remember the best gift of all. The gift of Jesus. Luke 2:10-12 But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. "This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
This is good news indeed and worthy to be celebrated and honored. It is a happy holiday. It is Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ.
I went online picked out a card and placed the pictures in the picture spots. I previewed the card and placed the order. I then received a phone call from my husband. Vaughn: "Did you have some trouble with the online program honey?" Me: "No I don't think so? It said it would be ready tomorrow." Vaughn: "Yeah, they are printing now and they are blank."
Sixty. That would be the number of example cards that have no pictures and the wrong name that I had printed by mistake.
What I hadn't done was hit the save button before sending them. I didn't think I needed to save them as I didn't feel I would need to order more. No that is the key, you have to hit save, then preview, and then place the order. Information that would have been helpful the first time around.
Technology is not my friend. I think this may be proof. I have one of the blank cards I stuck in my purse to show my friends how brilliant I am. Just another clip from the Christmas card files.
All of this got me to thinking about how hard we try to have everything perfect...especially at Christmas. Christmas cards have been our "thing" for several years. We even had themes for our cards. People would look forward to seeing what the theme of the year would be. It was a lot of pressure.
The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. Presents are counted and wrapped. We search for the perfect gift to give to everyone on our list. The menu is planned to the last detail. We set out cookies and milk for Saint Nick. What does any of it have to do with Christmas? In a hundred different ways at any time during the course of a year we can show the people we love that we care simply by giving our time.
The spirit of Christmas has nothing to do stockings or trees or menus or cards. You can write Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, or any other salutation you like but Christmas was then, is now, and will always be a celebration of the birth of Jesus our Savior. What part of that isn't worth keeping in Christmas? Our Father gave his Son to us to save us and people want to take Christmas and turn it into something else. Without Jesus there is no reason to celebrate December 25th. Without Jesus there isn't a a gift. Jesus IS the gift. What are you searching for in a store that you have not already been given?
As I think about that blank card, the card without pictures, I realize that I have already been given the best gifts of all. Jesus gave me a family and a life. Without those pictures my life is like the blank card...incomplete and empty. Without Jesus I have no life.
This Christmas as you set out your milk and cookies and unwrap your gifts, remember the best gift of all. The gift of Jesus. Luke 2:10-12 But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. "This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
This is good news indeed and worthy to be celebrated and honored. It is a happy holiday. It is Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ.
November 26, 2013
Perimenopause?
One word for you...Perimenopause. I didn't know that was a thing. That's a thing?!? I learned of this at church on Sunday. I was talking to a friend and she told me about perimenopause. The prequel of the actual event if you will. It's like I've been waiting for The Lord of the Rings but really should be waiting for The Hobbit instead. I've never watched The Lord of the Rings but I did see The Hobbit. I had no clue what was going on.
Apparently I really don't know what is going on. Perimenopause is a thing and I could be in it and not even realize it. No hot flashes yet. Is there such a thing as cold flashes? Winter is approaching and I am getting colder and colder. I have to keep a sweater the weight of a Sherpa blanket at work so I don't freeze to death. I told the teacher I work with currently that if the blood freezes in my veins I will not be able to get my work done. I need to work. I have a kid going to college next year. Needless to say the heat got turned up.
I am pretty sure that having a kid going to college might be enough to throw you into perimenopause if you aren't already there. I also have a feeling that I am going to be needing to make more frequent trips to the store for hair color although that wasn't one of the symptoms when I looked it up. Actually when I looked it up, the symptoms sounded very similar to regular menopause. Leading me to the conclusion that menopause be it peri or other lasts forever, call it different names if you want. I feel just like my oldest daughter did when she started her period and asked me how long she was going to have to deal with that. A bit like I'm being punked actually.
Seriously? It isn't enough that we have PMS and spend days hemorrhaging every month for decades now this? Men have it so easy and I think we should investigate this further because I think the serpent that convinced Eve to eat that apple was a male. Adam ate the apple and men still get to stand up to pee. Which granted as a busy mother I kind of like that I have an opportunity to sit down a few times a day but still... PMS, Menstruation, Perimenopause, AND Menopause? Enough is enough.
According to the symptoms I'm going to get hot, have sore breasts, have irregular periods, need Poise pads and I'm going to get cranky. That sounds like fun, huh?
As I sit here and contemplate my "impending doom" it occurs to me how my girls must have felt. I am also reminded of what I told them, "Even though you can't control what is happening to your body, you can control your reaction to it." I can choose how I react. Just as I choose how to spend my day every day, I can choose my mood. It doesn't matter what is happening or not happening I get to choose. I can choose to be happy in spite of myself. Something else I have said to my girls, "How about you try to have a good day in spite of yourself. You might find you like having them and stick to it."
I'm a react first and think about it early person. I have questions that I don't have clear-cut answers for but that is ok because I'm also reminded that I don't have to go through this alone. Just as I haven't gone through anything else in life alone. God was, is, and always will be there and so I guess bring it on perimenopause. We've got this covered too. All I need is a big dose of God and some fans, pads, Ibuprofen, and....
Apparently I really don't know what is going on. Perimenopause is a thing and I could be in it and not even realize it. No hot flashes yet. Is there such a thing as cold flashes? Winter is approaching and I am getting colder and colder. I have to keep a sweater the weight of a Sherpa blanket at work so I don't freeze to death. I told the teacher I work with currently that if the blood freezes in my veins I will not be able to get my work done. I need to work. I have a kid going to college next year. Needless to say the heat got turned up.
I am pretty sure that having a kid going to college might be enough to throw you into perimenopause if you aren't already there. I also have a feeling that I am going to be needing to make more frequent trips to the store for hair color although that wasn't one of the symptoms when I looked it up. Actually when I looked it up, the symptoms sounded very similar to regular menopause. Leading me to the conclusion that menopause be it peri or other lasts forever, call it different names if you want. I feel just like my oldest daughter did when she started her period and asked me how long she was going to have to deal with that. A bit like I'm being punked actually.
Seriously? It isn't enough that we have PMS and spend days hemorrhaging every month for decades now this? Men have it so easy and I think we should investigate this further because I think the serpent that convinced Eve to eat that apple was a male. Adam ate the apple and men still get to stand up to pee. Which granted as a busy mother I kind of like that I have an opportunity to sit down a few times a day but still... PMS, Menstruation, Perimenopause, AND Menopause? Enough is enough.
According to the symptoms I'm going to get hot, have sore breasts, have irregular periods, need Poise pads and I'm going to get cranky. That sounds like fun, huh?
As I sit here and contemplate my "impending doom" it occurs to me how my girls must have felt. I am also reminded of what I told them, "Even though you can't control what is happening to your body, you can control your reaction to it." I can choose how I react. Just as I choose how to spend my day every day, I can choose my mood. It doesn't matter what is happening or not happening I get to choose. I can choose to be happy in spite of myself. Something else I have said to my girls, "How about you try to have a good day in spite of yourself. You might find you like having them and stick to it."
I'm a react first and think about it early person. I have questions that I don't have clear-cut answers for but that is ok because I'm also reminded that I don't have to go through this alone. Just as I haven't gone through anything else in life alone. God was, is, and always will be there and so I guess bring it on perimenopause. We've got this covered too. All I need is a big dose of God and some fans, pads, Ibuprofen, and....
October 21, 2013
Stress, Stuff, and Finding the Blessings
I've been a bit on edge. A bit stressed. Slightly off my game. I'm getting old. The realization of that is apparent in the fact that I use enough John Freda products I should own stock. Medium Chocolate Brown. That's my color for those keeping track at home.
Three years ago my husband and I started the Total Money Makeover and from that point on I have been coloring my own hair. In the process I learned that foam is the way to go. It is less drippy and way more fun to use. This however, is not the source of my stress.
My daughter did indeed total her car. We are now down a car until we can save up enough money to buy her another car outright. We did have insurance, but the minimum as it was a cash car and my husband believed that Dave would say use the emergency fund to fix the car instead of paying high premiums for a cheap kid car. Hence the reason we are not paying to fix a car that would cost more to fix than we paid for it.
I'll admit it. I had gotten spoiled. She had been driving herself and her sister to school this year and I liked it. Don't get me wrong I worried like crazy. If they didn't text me to tell me they arrived safely I was a mess and prayed all morning not to get a phone call that something horrible had happened to them. I loved being able to just drive my son and I down the road to go to school. It was nice. I also enjoyed having her go pick up food when I didn't feel like cooking too.
The only upside to this is that now that I will be driving them all to school again I won't have to worry about them driving in the winter. (According to all of the people who love winter it is supposed to be a bad winter this year. Well bad for me and good for them with lots of that cold white stuff I hate.) One more point in the favor of moving to the Sunshine State.
So that has been going on and my stomach has been a mess for a year. A year would be correct. You read that right. I just don't go to doctors. They have needles and tests and I have no time for that. I would, as mentioned before, be the poster child for what not to do in life. I did go to the doctor and just as I thought, they wanted to do tests and poke me with needles. This did not help with my stress or my stomach. As far as I know I'm going to be fine as long as I am OK with giving up spicy food, greasy food, and caffeine. All reasons I didn't want to go to the doctor. I love Mexican food. I love crinkle cut french fries. I love coffee drinks that don't taste like coffee.
My day job has been stressful this year. Lots of changes and adjustments have needed to be made. I have done a lot of subbing and while I think it may just be helping me overcome my fear of public speaking (at least in front of the five year old sec) I am not a licensed teacher. I am also having a bit of withdrawals from the lack of copies and laminating that have been a part of this year. The kids are great and they haven't ganged up on me and tied me up and taken over the school yet so I think maybe I might be doing at least that much right. Also I have not had to buy a ferret yet but I have had to use my whistle. (Kindergarten cop references do earn me extra points right?)
My new book is in editing. With a December release quickly approaching. While I love all of what goes into this exciting chapter of my life it is hard juggling everything at once. Also, with the threat of being too transparent, I do want it to be wonderful. I want you all to love it and get some of what God is teaching me out of it.
It doesn't seem so bad when you look at it in writing. It doesn't seem very stressful at all from the outside looking in. I am very thankful to have all of these stresses in my life. When I stop and take a deep breath I thank God for each and every one of them. A wise woman told me recently that it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks what you are going through is stressful or not. It is stressful to you. That is what matters. No one else is going through it, you are.
We are down a car but we didn't have another driver last year. My kid is fine and that is all I care about. It will take a while but the metal box with wheels can be replaced. Thank you Jesus!
My stomach is a mess and I had to go to the doctor, maybe it is a wake up call to take better care of myself. Also maybe with the new diet I can lose some weight. God may just have more in store for me yet. Thank you Jesus!
Kindergarten is different and a bit stressful this year. I have a job I love and work with some of the best people I have had the pleasure of meeting and I am learning a lot from them. I am lucky. Thank you Jesus!
I have a second book coming out. How cool is that? God decided to use my fingers to type his words and allowed me to be a part of something bigger than I could ever have thought possible. There are no words to describe how thankful I am for that. I hope my experiences and my life can be used as a witness to further the kingdom. Thank you Jesus!
We all have stuff. Big stuff and little stuff and just plain pain in the rear stuff. I guess what I'm learning is, it is just stuff. Everything has a season. The key is to not let our stuff define us but define our stuff. Look at the stuff and figure out what God is trying to teach us through it. Only then can we see it for what it really is and only then can we move that mountain out of the way to get to the next step. God has a plan. It is time we start moving the stuff out of the way and get to the blessing.
Three years ago my husband and I started the Total Money Makeover and from that point on I have been coloring my own hair. In the process I learned that foam is the way to go. It is less drippy and way more fun to use. This however, is not the source of my stress.
My daughter did indeed total her car. We are now down a car until we can save up enough money to buy her another car outright. We did have insurance, but the minimum as it was a cash car and my husband believed that Dave would say use the emergency fund to fix the car instead of paying high premiums for a cheap kid car. Hence the reason we are not paying to fix a car that would cost more to fix than we paid for it.
I'll admit it. I had gotten spoiled. She had been driving herself and her sister to school this year and I liked it. Don't get me wrong I worried like crazy. If they didn't text me to tell me they arrived safely I was a mess and prayed all morning not to get a phone call that something horrible had happened to them. I loved being able to just drive my son and I down the road to go to school. It was nice. I also enjoyed having her go pick up food when I didn't feel like cooking too.
The only upside to this is that now that I will be driving them all to school again I won't have to worry about them driving in the winter. (According to all of the people who love winter it is supposed to be a bad winter this year. Well bad for me and good for them with lots of that cold white stuff I hate.) One more point in the favor of moving to the Sunshine State.
So that has been going on and my stomach has been a mess for a year. A year would be correct. You read that right. I just don't go to doctors. They have needles and tests and I have no time for that. I would, as mentioned before, be the poster child for what not to do in life. I did go to the doctor and just as I thought, they wanted to do tests and poke me with needles. This did not help with my stress or my stomach. As far as I know I'm going to be fine as long as I am OK with giving up spicy food, greasy food, and caffeine. All reasons I didn't want to go to the doctor. I love Mexican food. I love crinkle cut french fries. I love coffee drinks that don't taste like coffee.
My day job has been stressful this year. Lots of changes and adjustments have needed to be made. I have done a lot of subbing and while I think it may just be helping me overcome my fear of public speaking (at least in front of the five year old sec) I am not a licensed teacher. I am also having a bit of withdrawals from the lack of copies and laminating that have been a part of this year. The kids are great and they haven't ganged up on me and tied me up and taken over the school yet so I think maybe I might be doing at least that much right. Also I have not had to buy a ferret yet but I have had to use my whistle. (Kindergarten cop references do earn me extra points right?)
My new book is in editing. With a December release quickly approaching. While I love all of what goes into this exciting chapter of my life it is hard juggling everything at once. Also, with the threat of being too transparent, I do want it to be wonderful. I want you all to love it and get some of what God is teaching me out of it.
It doesn't seem so bad when you look at it in writing. It doesn't seem very stressful at all from the outside looking in. I am very thankful to have all of these stresses in my life. When I stop and take a deep breath I thank God for each and every one of them. A wise woman told me recently that it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks what you are going through is stressful or not. It is stressful to you. That is what matters. No one else is going through it, you are.
We are down a car but we didn't have another driver last year. My kid is fine and that is all I care about. It will take a while but the metal box with wheels can be replaced. Thank you Jesus!
My stomach is a mess and I had to go to the doctor, maybe it is a wake up call to take better care of myself. Also maybe with the new diet I can lose some weight. God may just have more in store for me yet. Thank you Jesus!
Kindergarten is different and a bit stressful this year. I have a job I love and work with some of the best people I have had the pleasure of meeting and I am learning a lot from them. I am lucky. Thank you Jesus!
I have a second book coming out. How cool is that? God decided to use my fingers to type his words and allowed me to be a part of something bigger than I could ever have thought possible. There are no words to describe how thankful I am for that. I hope my experiences and my life can be used as a witness to further the kingdom. Thank you Jesus!
We all have stuff. Big stuff and little stuff and just plain pain in the rear stuff. I guess what I'm learning is, it is just stuff. Everything has a season. The key is to not let our stuff define us but define our stuff. Look at the stuff and figure out what God is trying to teach us through it. Only then can we see it for what it really is and only then can we move that mountain out of the way to get to the next step. God has a plan. It is time we start moving the stuff out of the way and get to the blessing.
October 6, 2013
When Fears Come True, God is There
On Friday we left a little later than normal for school. My daughter turned to go to her school and I turned to go to mine. I went in was getting situated when I realized I left my homework (a.k.a. laminating I took home to cut out) on the coffee table. I live maybe three minutes from the school I work at so I got back in the car and went to pick it up. As I was getting out of the car at school for the second time all the sirens started flying passed the school. Police cars and ambulances flew down the road. A co-worker who was walking in at the same time as I was informed me that there had been an accident in front of the high school. She had called her daughter and she was fine and told me to call my girls.
My hear sped up. When she described where it was located I knew it wouldn't be my kids. They would be coming from the other direction. I tried calling both girls' phones...no answer. I texted both girls....no answer. The school and my surroundings began to blur. All reason left me and my heart dropped to the point of not being able to function until I knew they were ok. I eventually went to the room that co-worker works in and asked her to call and find out if my kids were ok. Her husband happens to be the principal at the high school. It should be noted here that I had tears in my eyes and I may have looked a little crazed. She called and my kids were fine. No students were involved in the accident.
Saturday my oldest daughter was up early and out the door going to breakfast with my husband before going to take the SAT. My husband worked at a flu clinic and was home late morning. My son left with his cub scout leader to go sell popcorn around 11:30. A little after 1:00 PM I left with my middle child to head to the next town over to get lunch and look for a book she wanted for a book club at school. We went to a hamburger place and ordered our food. We got our drinks and ketchup and sat down to wait for our food. I checked my phone. My husband was calling. I answered the phone and I heard the words I had feared hearing from the moment my daughter started driving. His words were "Daphne has been in an accident. You need to call the cub scout leader and ask if Scotty can hang out with them for a little while, then you need to get in the car and drive home." My stomach turned over. I called the scout leader, asked for our food, and we got in the car and started driving home.
I was calculating which way to get home. Deciding which route would get us home the fastest. I drove without speaking. Megan didn't speak either. KLOVE is all I usually ever listen to on the radio and it was on. I started singing along with the music as I prayed that my child was going to be OK. I knew she wasn't in the hospital and that was a good sign. As we got closer to home I called to see if they were home or still at the scene. They were still at the scene. We went there. As we approached we saw lights and a large truck but couldn't make out what kind of truck. It was a tow truck and my girl's cute little car was on it. She was standing next to her father. There were other people there. I didn't stop to talk and barely noticed they were there. I blew right past them to grab a hold of my child and pull her close.. Her sister taking in the scene was terrified and looked on.
Shortly after we arrived, we left. Daphne riding with her father and Megan riding with me. We got home first and Megan broke down, crying in fear and relief that her sister was OK. They arrived shortly after. We got the story. She was turning left and was hit by someone and pushed into another car. Her airbag deployed. She is bruised on her chest and neck and her glasses had been knocked off and thrown onto the floor. Her knee is bruised. She is stiff and sore. She is afraid. She is scared to leave the house. We made her leave the house with us today and go to church and a festival.
We have told her stories of all the wrecks we have had. Sometimes deer jump out at you twice in two weeks. (We eventually moved. That was a big enough of a sign for me that we should move.) Sometimes people behind you don't pay attention and they slam into you from behind. Sometimes accidents just happen. It is OK to be scared but it isn't OK to stop living out of fear. We don't own a horse and buggy and besides that horses are just as unpredictable as other crazy drivers. My grandfather was killed by a horse. We aren't going to get a horse plus I don't think the cats would like a horse if they don't like other cats.
Her car is out of commission which means I will be driving everyone to and from school for awhile. I don't know how long she will be without her car. I don't even know if it can be repaired. It looks like a lot of damage and her car is an older car. I don't care about the car. A car can be replaced. My child can not and the level of thankfulness that God protected my child and she is here is immeasurable. I just need my child to be able to release her fear. I need her to trust that God will protect her just as he did Saturday afternoon. I need to be able to release my own fears even though I sang praises to God all the way home and there is no limit to the amount of grace and love and protection He has shown, I need to be able to let her get behind the wheel of a car and not be scared.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave your nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6. God never left her and he has never left me. Even when we haven't been strong or courageous. Even when we have been afraid and terrified. We have been all of those things. The range of emotions have taken their toll but I am placing my trust in my God who will never leave us. In the God who will heal us from this just as he has healed us from the trials of our past. Our God is faithful, we will be too. If I could, I would ask you to pray with us and for us as we heal and as we help our daughter move pass this and her fear as well as our own. The next few days we will be finding out what happens next and if her car can be repaired or if we go searching for another one. Also pray for the person who hit her. Thank you for your willingness to pray.
My hear sped up. When she described where it was located I knew it wouldn't be my kids. They would be coming from the other direction. I tried calling both girls' phones...no answer. I texted both girls....no answer. The school and my surroundings began to blur. All reason left me and my heart dropped to the point of not being able to function until I knew they were ok. I eventually went to the room that co-worker works in and asked her to call and find out if my kids were ok. Her husband happens to be the principal at the high school. It should be noted here that I had tears in my eyes and I may have looked a little crazed. She called and my kids were fine. No students were involved in the accident.
Saturday my oldest daughter was up early and out the door going to breakfast with my husband before going to take the SAT. My husband worked at a flu clinic and was home late morning. My son left with his cub scout leader to go sell popcorn around 11:30. A little after 1:00 PM I left with my middle child to head to the next town over to get lunch and look for a book she wanted for a book club at school. We went to a hamburger place and ordered our food. We got our drinks and ketchup and sat down to wait for our food. I checked my phone. My husband was calling. I answered the phone and I heard the words I had feared hearing from the moment my daughter started driving. His words were "Daphne has been in an accident. You need to call the cub scout leader and ask if Scotty can hang out with them for a little while, then you need to get in the car and drive home." My stomach turned over. I called the scout leader, asked for our food, and we got in the car and started driving home.
I was calculating which way to get home. Deciding which route would get us home the fastest. I drove without speaking. Megan didn't speak either. KLOVE is all I usually ever listen to on the radio and it was on. I started singing along with the music as I prayed that my child was going to be OK. I knew she wasn't in the hospital and that was a good sign. As we got closer to home I called to see if they were home or still at the scene. They were still at the scene. We went there. As we approached we saw lights and a large truck but couldn't make out what kind of truck. It was a tow truck and my girl's cute little car was on it. She was standing next to her father. There were other people there. I didn't stop to talk and barely noticed they were there. I blew right past them to grab a hold of my child and pull her close.. Her sister taking in the scene was terrified and looked on.
Shortly after we arrived, we left. Daphne riding with her father and Megan riding with me. We got home first and Megan broke down, crying in fear and relief that her sister was OK. They arrived shortly after. We got the story. She was turning left and was hit by someone and pushed into another car. Her airbag deployed. She is bruised on her chest and neck and her glasses had been knocked off and thrown onto the floor. Her knee is bruised. She is stiff and sore. She is afraid. She is scared to leave the house. We made her leave the house with us today and go to church and a festival.
We have told her stories of all the wrecks we have had. Sometimes deer jump out at you twice in two weeks. (We eventually moved. That was a big enough of a sign for me that we should move.) Sometimes people behind you don't pay attention and they slam into you from behind. Sometimes accidents just happen. It is OK to be scared but it isn't OK to stop living out of fear. We don't own a horse and buggy and besides that horses are just as unpredictable as other crazy drivers. My grandfather was killed by a horse. We aren't going to get a horse plus I don't think the cats would like a horse if they don't like other cats.
Her car is out of commission which means I will be driving everyone to and from school for awhile. I don't know how long she will be without her car. I don't even know if it can be repaired. It looks like a lot of damage and her car is an older car. I don't care about the car. A car can be replaced. My child can not and the level of thankfulness that God protected my child and she is here is immeasurable. I just need my child to be able to release her fear. I need her to trust that God will protect her just as he did Saturday afternoon. I need to be able to release my own fears even though I sang praises to God all the way home and there is no limit to the amount of grace and love and protection He has shown, I need to be able to let her get behind the wheel of a car and not be scared.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave your nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6. God never left her and he has never left me. Even when we haven't been strong or courageous. Even when we have been afraid and terrified. We have been all of those things. The range of emotions have taken their toll but I am placing my trust in my God who will never leave us. In the God who will heal us from this just as he has healed us from the trials of our past. Our God is faithful, we will be too. If I could, I would ask you to pray with us and for us as we heal and as we help our daughter move pass this and her fear as well as our own. The next few days we will be finding out what happens next and if her car can be repaired or if we go searching for another one. Also pray for the person who hit her. Thank you for your willingness to pray.
