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How a Misbelief About Love Can Be a Guiding Light for Your Romance Characters

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

Today’s post is by romance author and book coach Trisha Jenn Loehr (@trishajennreads).

We’ve all learned about how our protagonist needs a fatal flaw, as well as internal and external goals. A character’s fatal flaw: the thing they need to overcome during the story to successfully accomplish those goals. This fatal flaw manifests in various ways in the character’s life: in their actions, reactions, thoughts, emotions, and their choices. It also manifests in their relationships.

When it comes to writing a romance novel or love story, this fatal flaw may actually be the misbelief about love that the protagonist needs to unlearn so they can finally grab hold of their happily ever after.

What is a misbelief about love?

A misbelief about love is the character’s incorrect understanding about themselves and love that is blocking their ability to have a successful romantic relationship and get their happily ever after. Often, it not only hinders the character from being able to accept love but makes even the idea of love or romance seem like an impossibility.

The misbelief about love is what causes the main internal conflict blocking the character’s successes in life and relationships—and causes external conflict between love interest characters that forces them to grow, learn, and change.

The correction of the misbelief about love is not only the romance novel’s main plot—the romantic relationship between the love interests—but also the novel’s theme. Once a character unlearns their misbelief about love, they will prove the theme or point of your story and get their happily ever after ending.

What are common misbeliefs about love?

Misbeliefs about love can be somewhat generic sounding, or they can be super specific. It really depends on your character and the story you want to tell. Some common misbeliefs about love that you’ll find in romance novels are:

Love isn’t worth the risk (because it hurts or doesn’t last).I’m not worthy of love. / I don’t deserve love.I’m not good enough for that person I love. / They deserve someone better than me.I’m too broken for love.Love makes everything else too complicated.Love will get in the way of my goals.

As you look at this list of common misbeliefs about love, are you seeing how they might cause conflict in romantic relationships? Or color the way a character sees the world and influence their actions or words? And can you see how the opposite of these misbeliefs might be the point your story is trying to make?

How does a misbelief about love show up on the page?

A character’s misbelief about love colors informs the character’s interpretations of what other characters say or do, their interpretations of circumstances, and the choices they make and reactions they have to people and events.

Sometimes these responses and choices are conscious—the character is aware of why they are saying or doing what they are saying or doing.Often, these responses or choices are more subconscious. They are reflexes because the character hasn’t yet taken the time or put in the effort or energy to dig deeply and understand themselves.What causes misbelief about love?

A misbelief about love, like other core beliefs, is formed by a character’s identity and life experiences. Digging into characters’ backgrounds is where you can add more layers to create depth to those characters and their psyches—and understand where their misbeliefs about love came from.

Consider your character’s:

EducationCultureFamily history and structureFormative events during their childhood—both positive and negativeExperiences with community and religionSocio-economic statusAccess to food and housingFriendships and past romantic relationshipsExperiences of loss, grief, pain, and fear

Identify two or three key aspects or significant events that have had the greatest influence on your character and have resulted in their misbelief.

For example:

A man who grew up watching a dysfunctional marriage: His mom earnestly loved his dad and was abused for it and hurt even more if he tried to stand up for her. So he may have the misbelief that love hurts or is dangerous. If his father said cruel things like “you’re no better than me,” he might be afraid to allow himself to love someone because of the misbelief that he will hurt whomever he loves.If a woman grows up feeling she needs to earn love: She may learn the misbelief that she doesn’t deserve love, that being loved requires effort. This may lead to her morphing herself into whatever she thinks her current partner wants rather than being herself.If a woman sees her mother marry, divorce, mourn, and marry again repeatedly: She might learn the misbelief that love doesn’t last and decide to never put herself in a position to be hurt.Layering misbeliefs (and course corrections) about love on the page

When you understand your love interest characters’ misbeliefs about love, you can layer it into the story, showing how the misbelief is getting in the way of achieving their goals. Then, you can layer in opportunities for your characters to learn and grow. By seeing what successful relationships look like and having other characters question them or challenge them on their choices, characters can learn to correct their misbeliefs.

Consider three kinds of moments to layer into your story:

Moments that seem to confirm your character’s misbelief about love.Moments that cause your character to question their misbelief about love.A moment that forces the character to choose what to believe, and ultimately forces them to correct their misbelief about love.

Understanding your character’s misbelief about love and their arc of change is tough work. It’s layered. It takes time and lots of thinking and lots of revising.

Once you have a clearer idea of who your character is, what they believe, why they believe it, and how it’s causing conflict in their story (both romantic and otherwise), you’ll feel more equipped to write a romance story with a compelling character arc.

Christian publisher launches secular fiction imprint focused on romance

Just as secular publishers are launching Christian-living imprints, Christian publishers are launching their own crossover efforts.

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New science fiction publisher: Factorial Books

The founders of an aerospace company have launched Factorial Books, a new digital publishing company based in London.

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There’s now a wearable e-reader: Sol

It looks like a chunky pair of sunglasses. The tagline: “Get lost in a good book again.” It connects to your existing Kindle library.

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New books podcast from Reese’s Book Club

Bookmarked with Danielle Robay will “bring together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese’s Book Club and beyond.”

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Links of Interest: June 18, 2025

The latest in trends, culture & politics, and AI.

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Claiming Headspace for Your Writing Life: Lessons from Aikido

Today’s post is by writer and book coach Barbra A. Rodriguez.

A Chinese proverb that gets bandied about states that a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Holding onto that concept can be important early on as an author.

By harnessing two principles used in the Japanese martial art of Aikido, you can flesh out that proverbial advice into an effective overall mindset to make space for your writing life, while shoring up self-confidence in your literary skills along the way. I’m among the practitioners of this self-defense art who prioritize the outlook these principles tap into, which comes from traditional Japanese ways of doing things.

Commitment and grace

One principle, called Take Musu Aiki (tah-kay moo-soo eye-kee), is partly about using martial arts practice to learn to “harmonize your energy” with situations (the aiki part). This sometimes involves stepping toward an opponent in a way that is risky, but gives you leverage for moving into the center of what’s happening. Doing so requires in-the-moment courage, reminiscent of that used by the samurai active in Japan for roughly a millennium. To stay alive during a medieval conflict, samurai had to quickly address each opponent. This made it important to aim well with the steel swords (katana) often favored in close combat, and have a whole-hearted commitment to each stroke.

As a developing writer, it’s just as important to have a committed attitude (called kokorogake in Japanese) and claim the time and resources you need to make progress on writing goals. It’s about being dedicated to something over time. Ultimately, committing to the craft—whenever and in whatever ways you can­—is about developing the habit of the writing life you want. The bravery involved partly reflects acceptance of being a writer in progress, because finding what writing practices work well for you will likely take trial and error.

Giving yourself the grace to fit writing into life as you can do so also taps into another word, and the broader definition, of Take Musu Aiki. Beyond having a harmonized energy approach, the musu part is about “rebirth.” It’s about manifesting oneness with the particulars of the moment you are in. That is, realistically having a whole-hearted involvement includes making moment-by-moment adjustments to stay connected to current realities.

For a Japanese warrior on a 1500s battlefield with hundreds or thousands of others, this in-the-moment courage was about having the flexibility to adjust their movements and sword strokes to fit the moves of the specific opponent before them. One writer might tap into this flexible approach when letting go of writing plans on a morning to take a friend to a doctor’s appointment. For another developing author, going with the flow might involve saying no to an upcoming concert with their partner to finish a chapter, in exchange for a weekend trip a few months away.

True victory is self-victory

Aikido practitioners also call on the concept of Masa Katsu A Gatsu (mah-suh kaht-soo ah gaht-soo), or True Victory Is Self-Victory, to stay connected to the bigger picture during a situation. The principle is about finding a holistic perspective to addressing an attacker. The focus moves beyond the short-term goal of defeating the person attacking you. Instead, self-victory is found by mastering factors inside of you, like a fear of being injured, or a sense of self-importance, that get in the way of engaging as effectively as possible with an entire situation. It’s about tapping into the courage to connect your beliefs and actions.

For a writer following this practice, a key first step is to consider the core reasons why you want to write in the first place. Important external reasons might include building your professional reputation, making money, and/or leaving a tangible legacy for your loved ones. Dig a little deeper, and you might also find a core internal reason that can serve as a touchstone for writing forward on hard days. Chances are you’ll also find an internal reason connected to whatever external rewards turn out to be priorities.

Once you have this bigger picture touchstone in mind, you’ll be better able to address challenges, such as fears that arise about whether others will accept your honesty on the page, or getting rejection letters from agents. And you’ll more easily turn away from projects that don’t fit your newly defined purpose or belief system.

A single thing to follow

Finally, Yamamoto Tsunetomo, who took the tonsure in 1700 (went into the priesthood after his feudal lord’s death), told a young samurai that the best approach to development was finding a single thing to follow in each samurai he studied: “For example, one person for politeness, one for bravery … and one for readiness of mind.” Similarly, you can learn about approaches to writing time, mindset and more by studying several authors, and combining their varied approaches to craft and business. In my case, I’m a fan of Anne Lamott, both for her practical tips in Bird by Bird that include accepting “shitty first drafts,” and her broader wisdom. I love her take on making something sacred in Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace. To be in sacred relationship with something, Lamott shared, simply requires focusing your attention on it, and doing so with loving intention.

Viewing writing endeavors as a way to bring more sacredness into your life might help you as well. That approach ties into one translation of that Chinese proverb mentioned earlier from the Tao Te Ching, which is that “a thousand-mile journey begins where one stands.” Or, to paraphrase the founder of Aikido, Morihei Ueshiba, heaven begins right where you are standing.

How Writing Romance Has Made Me More Creative

Today’s post is by author and book coach Susanne Dunlap.

If you think of creativity as a freewheeling and boundless activity, adding rules may seem counterintuitive. But research shows that blank canvases (whether they’re literal or figurative) can actually hinder creativity by allowing your thoughts to drift to the most familiar and least original places.

By comparison, “constraints force us to move away from what is obvious,” said Zorana Ivcevic Pringle, a senior research scientist at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and the author of The Creativity Choice. “They help us put our creative energy to productive use.”

—From the Well newsletter of the New York Times, Tuesday, June 3, 2025

There are those who will instantly agree with the observation above, and those who will view it with skepticism. Once upon a time, I might have fallen into the latter group.

But ever since I started challenging myself to write romance (Regency romance, to be specific), I have come to understand that putting boundaries around your creativity can actually stimulate it rather than inhibit it.

For me, it has largely to do with having a container for my story. I was never an outliner. I used to be a pure pantser, just charging in with a vague idea and spilling whatever came to me onto the page. I’ve become more of a plantser now as I’ve developed a deeper and more nuanced understanding of story structure and its purpose for a reader. But the romance genre pushed me to go beyond my comfort zone in embracing those structural boundaries.

So what are the constraints in romance that can inspire a writer to be more creative, more ingenious? 

First constraint: a happily ever after

In romance, that happy ending is a requirement. You cannot kill off one or other of your protagonists and call it a romance. You can call it romantic, certainly, but readers of romance are looking for that feel-good ending—even if they’ve wept along the way as the protagonists go through their trials and tribulations.

The reason this constraint forces a writer to be more creative is that it’s an ending the reader already knows is coming. And from the very beginning, they probably also know who will be involved, which two people are going to end up together despite all appearances.

This forces a writer to dig deep into the characters to create believable reasons why they don’t come together immediately when the chemistry is clearly on the page. It makes a writer find ways to incorporate backstory that gradually reveal the pain or difficulty that has caused one protagonist to feel unworthy and the other to be untrusting, for instance.

It also makes it imperative that emotions and thoughts are clearly on the page. Characters have to act in ways consistent with what’s going on inside of them, but if the reader doesn’t know what that inside motivation is, actions can feel arbitrary.

I have certainly had to push myself to convey more interiority to the reader skillfully, to show it rather than tell it—which involves much soul-searching and many rewrites.

Second constraint: a well-defined structure

My writing ambitions were born way back when I was in my 20s and a huge devotee of Virginia Woolf and other literary authors. I still love reading those books, the ones where you just pause and reflect and enjoy the sheer beauty of the prose.

Many of those authors also experimented with structure, subverting the expected storytelling formulae. In the hands of brilliant writers, these experiments can be thrilling.

But a true romance has a structure that has been honed over time and proven to create the narrative drive that keeps readers turning the pages. Handled clumsily, the structure can truly feel like a formula a reader has seen over and over again.

So that’s the challenge: Adhere to the expected beats—meet-cute, growing desire, midpoint of love, complications and thrusting apart, grand gesture that gets them back together, etc.—in a way that satisfies the reader and makes the underlying formula feel new and surprising. (For anyone who wants a very detailed discussion of the beats, I recommend Romancing the Beat by Gwen Hayes.)

Rising to that challenge has been fun and rewarding, and again, pushed me to dig deep and be more creative.

Third constraint: reader expectations

I’ve heard so many aspiring writers say they’re writing to satisfy themselves, to be that solitary genius in a tower who doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, they’re going to write that story they’ve had in their hearts for years and years.

And to them I say, go for it.

But the reality is that unless someone reads your book, you haven’t really achieved your fond goal. And if you have any aspirations to write romance, meeting reader expectations, putting yourself squarely in the shoes of the reader and how they will experience your story, is imperative right from the beginning.

Romance readers are voracious, and they know what they want. Once they find an author who delivers that for them, they will read everything that author has to offer. But to enter that privileged cohort, you really need to understand what’s going to satisfy the readers of your particular subgenre.

For instance, in my subgenre—Regency romance—readers don’t tolerate historical inaccuracy and characters whose actions are far outside the bounds of what would have been considered proper at the time.

How does knowing that stimulate my creativity? Since I don’t relish or want to create passive female protagonists, I need to find believable ways in which a woman at the time would have pushed the boundaries and what conditions in her life might have enabled her to do that—to name just one example.

In romantasy, the rules of your fantasy world have to not only be consistent, but they must also directly affect the course of the romance itself.

As to small-town, mob, western, billionaire, or any other of the dozens of popular romance sub-genres, you’d better have done your research by first of all reading the comps, taking note of what distinguishes the most popular of them, and paying attention to all that as you write.

Fourth constraint: series

I don’t know of any successful romance author who has not written a series. A series can be more or less connected—everything from stand-alone novels linked by setting to novels that work their way through an entire extended family’s love lives.

This is closely related to the previous constraint: meeting reader expectations. If you’re lucky enough to strike a chord with readers and they decide to read your next book and it’s absolutely nothing like the first one, they probably won’t like it.

A series also helps you develop an author persona, to “brand” yourself. The style of the covers, the titles, etc. tell readers at a glance what to expect, that when they pick up that second or third book, they’ll probably enjoy it just as much as the first.

I thought I couldn’t possibly write a series. What I discovered, though, was that not only could I do so, but that there are added joys to returning to characters you’ve already introduced in previous books but hadn’t developed fully. Also, for Regency romance, not having to start afresh with research means the writing can be quicker.

What this discovery also pushed me to do was to think about those important subsidiary characters with a view to their possibly becoming protagonists in the next book. That means making them more complex, giving them meaningful backstory, and more.

Final thoughts

I would urge any writer who secretly yearns to write in the romance genre not to look at it as an easy way to get a book written, but as a rewarding challenge in craft and storytelling. Shake off the negative associations that have caused romance to be looked down on by some. Excellent writers work in the genre. You can write a good book that fulfills all the requirements of a romance. It’s up to you. And the wonderful thing is that readers are eager to get their hands on what you’ve written, provided you treat their expectations and the constraints of romance with respect.

You might surprise yourself, as I did. Embracing the limitations of romance unleashed my creativity and made the words pour out of me and onto the page.

New imprint: Nation Books

The progressive magazine The Nation is partnering with OR Books to launch Nation Books.

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New agent at Trellis Literary Management

Alyssa Morris has joined Trellis.

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