Will Pfeifer's Blog, page 36
November 28, 2012
The X-Ray Spex Holiday Shopping Guide, Part 4: Old men's bowel problems, Take Two
Offered without comment...
Because really, what can I say to top that? Except to say that the phrase "Squish Santa's behind" is one of the most unnerving trio of words in the English language. Poot indeed.
Because really, what can I say to top that? Except to say that the phrase "Squish Santa's behind" is one of the most unnerving trio of words in the English language. Poot indeed.
November 27, 2012
The X-Ray Spex Holiday Shopping Guide, Part 3: Old men's bowel problems, Take One
As the holidays grow closer and our trip through the "Lighter Side Co." catalog continues, we discover the company's rectal obsession isn't limited to welcome mats. Here, suitable for placement right next to your family's nativity set, is the "Pull My Finger" (Registered!) Farting Santa." We can imagine the sounds of the fat man's flatulence, but sadly, the ad offers only one example of the "many merry phrases guaranteed to spread Yuletide cheer."
Even more sadly, this is the catalog's rather restrained and tasteful take on Santa-based fart comedy. Tune in tomorrow for a product even more unpleasant.
Even more sadly, this is the catalog's rather restrained and tasteful take on Santa-based fart comedy. Tune in tomorrow for a product even more unpleasant.
November 25, 2012
The X-Ray Spex Holiday Shopping Guide, Part 2: Because nothing says 'Welcome' like the smell of a dog's ass
Continuing our seasonal examination of the "Lighter Side Co." catalog, we arrive at the "hilarious" "Personalized Greetings Doormat," with its "very warm" welcome...
If you were arriving at a holiday gathering and saw this lying in front of the door, how fast would you run off in the other direction?
If you were arriving at a holiday gathering and saw this lying in front of the door, how fast would you run off in the other direction?
November 24, 2012
The X-Ray Spex Holiday Shopping Guide, Part 1: 'It's Poo-Flinging Fun!'
What with Black Friday over and the Christmas shopping season under way, you're probably feeling the pressure to somehow, against all odds, find the perfect gift for that special person.
Relax. X-Ray Spex is here to help.
Armed with the copy of "The Lighter Side Co." Catalog that arrived in the mail (completely unsolicited, I assure you) a few days ago, I'm going to offer several suggestions between now and Dec. 25 that would make the Yuletide brighter for anyone on your list.
I'm kidding of course. What I'm really going to do is share this amazingly awful collection of "gifts" with you and do my best to milk it for a few desperate laughs. "The Lighter Side" is just the latest incarnation of the Johnson Smith Company, the same folks who've been selling whoopee cushions and fake dog crap out of the backs of comic books since the 1930s. You'll be relieved to know that (a) the company is still in business and (b) they've managed to invent even less sophisticated products to sell to the rubes. I mean, there's a certain simple genius in a piece of fake dog crap, but what about that "Kickasserole" personalized casserole dish displayed on the cover above. Can you even conceive of a mind that would order such a thing, let along serve food in it?
Me neither. Let's begin, shall we? And speaking of fake crap...
I have to admit: I'm curious to read those instructions just so I can learn the rules of the "fun games" the catalog promises. More fun than throwing fake crap at my friend's head? Really?
Relax. X-Ray Spex is here to help.
Armed with the copy of "The Lighter Side Co." Catalog that arrived in the mail (completely unsolicited, I assure you) a few days ago, I'm going to offer several suggestions between now and Dec. 25 that would make the Yuletide brighter for anyone on your list.
I'm kidding of course. What I'm really going to do is share this amazingly awful collection of "gifts" with you and do my best to milk it for a few desperate laughs. "The Lighter Side" is just the latest incarnation of the Johnson Smith Company, the same folks who've been selling whoopee cushions and fake dog crap out of the backs of comic books since the 1930s. You'll be relieved to know that (a) the company is still in business and (b) they've managed to invent even less sophisticated products to sell to the rubes. I mean, there's a certain simple genius in a piece of fake dog crap, but what about that "Kickasserole" personalized casserole dish displayed on the cover above. Can you even conceive of a mind that would order such a thing, let along serve food in it?
Me neither. Let's begin, shall we? And speaking of fake crap...
I have to admit: I'm curious to read those instructions just so I can learn the rules of the "fun games" the catalog promises. More fun than throwing fake crap at my friend's head? Really?
November 22, 2012
Great Moments in Comics History, Part 8
Luke Cage wants his money, honey.
Hero For Hire #8, April 1972, written by Steve Englehart, pencils by George Tuska, inks by Billy Graham, colors by Andrea Hunt, letters by John Costanza.
November 18, 2012
Great Moments in Comics History, Part 7
Skinny gambles a stamp.
Too many comic books to mention. Artist unknown, writer unknown.
Too many comic books to mention. Artist unknown, writer unknown.
November 7, 2012
Well played, America...
... well played.
November 5, 2012
Movies I Watched in October
Didn't watch quite as many movies this month, what with all the returning TV shows distracting my easily distracted mind, but I did manage to catch quite a few new (to me, at least) horror movies during October...
I'd seen "Stanley Kubrick's Boxes" before, but gave it another look when it was released as a bonus feature on the new "Full Metal Jacket" Blu-ray (one of the last discs, alas, that I received in my now defunct tenure as the Register Star's Movie Man). It's a fascinating little doc from author/director Jon Ronson that examines the jaw-dropping amount of research Kubrick did before firing up the cameras on his (mostly later) movies. The boxes, preserved until recently at his estate, contained everything from photos of various hats for the "Clockwork Orange" droogs to fan letters (both positive and negative) to tons of material for his never-filmed epic "Napoleon."
I had high hopes for this vintage Tigon release about the teenagers in a village slowly (but surely) becoming devil worshippers, but despite its killer rep, I thought it was disappointing. Some nice atmospherics and a few genuinely unnerving scenes, but in the end it didn't seem to add up to much -- in fact, it didn't really seem to end. After only a few weeks, I can barely remember it. That can't be a good sign, right?
Part of Turner Classic Movies' always enjoyable lineup of October horror. It's been a long time since I saw this Karloff classic, and though it's deliberately paced and lacking in the vintage shocks of the other Universal outings, it still manages to build a mesmerizing mood and conjure up a genuinely creepy atmosphere. Karloff is great, of course, but so is the exotic-looking Zita Johann as the object of his affections. And the ending -- which involves some ancient hocus pocus -- is pretty surprising and well executed.
Another Universal classic, albeit one from long after the studio's Pre-Code glory days. It's a polished production, to be sure, with a top-notch cast -- Lon Chaney Jr., Claude Rains, William Warren, Ralph Bellamy, Bela Lugosi and, as the woman who tells poor Lon what happens when the wolfsbane blooms, the memorable Maria Ouspenskaya. Lacks the sense of dread that made "The Mummy" and other early Universal efforts so memorable, but it's still a hell of a lot of fun.
The last in the series of "Whistler" movies that TCM was using to fill its Saturday schedule, this is also the one that's missing the main reason I watched 'em -- star Richard Dix, who always brought an element of awkward tension to his roles as an amnesiac psychopath, two-timing husband or whatever else the B-movie happened to call for. "Return" focuses on a husband whose wife goes missing on the eve of their marriage and the increasingly unbelievable web of conspiracy that explains what the heck happened. Not great by any means, but it's fast-paced, short and just goofy enough to be entertaining.
The undisputed oddball champ of the month, "End of the Road" is the sort of movie that could only have been made at the tail end of the 1960s. Stacy Keach stars as a catatonic college grad who is taken to "The Farm," an out-of-the-way asylum presided over by Dr. D, played by James Earl Jones in a way that "over the top" barely begins to hint at. Eventually, Keach is released and sent to teach at an equally strange college, where he becomes uncomfortably close to a professor/Boy Scout leader and his browbeaten wife. Things get even stranger from that point until the whole movie ends in a nerve-wracking abortion sequence that earned it an X rating. Not for all tastes, but undeniably powerful and absolutely one of a kind. "End of the Road" had slipped into obscurity (and legend) until the folks at Warner Bros., bless their twisted little hearts, released it this year on DVD. The retrospective feature (with plenty of interviews) is worth watching, too.
I really liked "The Avengers," but I enjoyed this Marvel movie just about as much, thanks to the wonderfully evocative World War II atmosphere, Chris Evans' appealing performance (both as scrawny Steve Rogers and buffed-up Cap) and, most of all, the good-natured, back-to-basics feel of the whole thing. Very funny without being resorting to snickers or sarcasm, it was completely entertaining from opening credits to that last bit in the 21st century. Bonus points for including a flying wing, the Howling Commandos and that whole Busby Berkeley-inspired musical montage.
It being Halloween month and all, Amy and I tried to sample a few classic ghost stories before Oct. 31 rolled around. This was the best, a classic Hollywood production with Ray Milland almost (but not quite) too cool for school as a composer who buys a house with his sister (the always fun Ruth Hussey) only to discover that it's -- gasp! -- haunted. Not very scary, but loaded with atmosphere and a few nice twists and turns. Plus, it's from an era when Hollywood seemingly could not make a movie that wasn't beautifully designed and photographed.
I'd heard good things about "Looper," and I was definitely not disappointed when I ponied up my dough and sat down in the theater. Clever, exciting and surprisingly poignant, it shows what happens when a strong cast (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt, Garrett Dillahunt, Paul Dano, Jeff Bridges and whoever that creepy kid was -- he was excellent!) works with a smart writer/director (Rian Johnson) who's got a great concept. I won't spoil any of the surprises except to say that "Looper" goes in directions I never expected and ends in a way I didn't see coming. This should be a huge hit when it arrives on home video. The re-watch factor will be through the roof, and not just because it's a time travel movie.
Wound up the month with another ghost story DVRed off TCM, and though this one came highly praised in all my horror film guides, I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as "The Uninvited." It's creepier, to be sure (it would have to be with those damn kids) and Deborah Kerr delivers a typically fine performance, but in the end, it just didn't come together into anything with any impact. Too bad.
I'd seen "Stanley Kubrick's Boxes" before, but gave it another look when it was released as a bonus feature on the new "Full Metal Jacket" Blu-ray (one of the last discs, alas, that I received in my now defunct tenure as the Register Star's Movie Man). It's a fascinating little doc from author/director Jon Ronson that examines the jaw-dropping amount of research Kubrick did before firing up the cameras on his (mostly later) movies. The boxes, preserved until recently at his estate, contained everything from photos of various hats for the "Clockwork Orange" droogs to fan letters (both positive and negative) to tons of material for his never-filmed epic "Napoleon."
I had high hopes for this vintage Tigon release about the teenagers in a village slowly (but surely) becoming devil worshippers, but despite its killer rep, I thought it was disappointing. Some nice atmospherics and a few genuinely unnerving scenes, but in the end it didn't seem to add up to much -- in fact, it didn't really seem to end. After only a few weeks, I can barely remember it. That can't be a good sign, right?
Part of Turner Classic Movies' always enjoyable lineup of October horror. It's been a long time since I saw this Karloff classic, and though it's deliberately paced and lacking in the vintage shocks of the other Universal outings, it still manages to build a mesmerizing mood and conjure up a genuinely creepy atmosphere. Karloff is great, of course, but so is the exotic-looking Zita Johann as the object of his affections. And the ending -- which involves some ancient hocus pocus -- is pretty surprising and well executed.
Another Universal classic, albeit one from long after the studio's Pre-Code glory days. It's a polished production, to be sure, with a top-notch cast -- Lon Chaney Jr., Claude Rains, William Warren, Ralph Bellamy, Bela Lugosi and, as the woman who tells poor Lon what happens when the wolfsbane blooms, the memorable Maria Ouspenskaya. Lacks the sense of dread that made "The Mummy" and other early Universal efforts so memorable, but it's still a hell of a lot of fun.
The last in the series of "Whistler" movies that TCM was using to fill its Saturday schedule, this is also the one that's missing the main reason I watched 'em -- star Richard Dix, who always brought an element of awkward tension to his roles as an amnesiac psychopath, two-timing husband or whatever else the B-movie happened to call for. "Return" focuses on a husband whose wife goes missing on the eve of their marriage and the increasingly unbelievable web of conspiracy that explains what the heck happened. Not great by any means, but it's fast-paced, short and just goofy enough to be entertaining.
The undisputed oddball champ of the month, "End of the Road" is the sort of movie that could only have been made at the tail end of the 1960s. Stacy Keach stars as a catatonic college grad who is taken to "The Farm," an out-of-the-way asylum presided over by Dr. D, played by James Earl Jones in a way that "over the top" barely begins to hint at. Eventually, Keach is released and sent to teach at an equally strange college, where he becomes uncomfortably close to a professor/Boy Scout leader and his browbeaten wife. Things get even stranger from that point until the whole movie ends in a nerve-wracking abortion sequence that earned it an X rating. Not for all tastes, but undeniably powerful and absolutely one of a kind. "End of the Road" had slipped into obscurity (and legend) until the folks at Warner Bros., bless their twisted little hearts, released it this year on DVD. The retrospective feature (with plenty of interviews) is worth watching, too.
I really liked "The Avengers," but I enjoyed this Marvel movie just about as much, thanks to the wonderfully evocative World War II atmosphere, Chris Evans' appealing performance (both as scrawny Steve Rogers and buffed-up Cap) and, most of all, the good-natured, back-to-basics feel of the whole thing. Very funny without being resorting to snickers or sarcasm, it was completely entertaining from opening credits to that last bit in the 21st century. Bonus points for including a flying wing, the Howling Commandos and that whole Busby Berkeley-inspired musical montage.
It being Halloween month and all, Amy and I tried to sample a few classic ghost stories before Oct. 31 rolled around. This was the best, a classic Hollywood production with Ray Milland almost (but not quite) too cool for school as a composer who buys a house with his sister (the always fun Ruth Hussey) only to discover that it's -- gasp! -- haunted. Not very scary, but loaded with atmosphere and a few nice twists and turns. Plus, it's from an era when Hollywood seemingly could not make a movie that wasn't beautifully designed and photographed.
I'd heard good things about "Looper," and I was definitely not disappointed when I ponied up my dough and sat down in the theater. Clever, exciting and surprisingly poignant, it shows what happens when a strong cast (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt, Garrett Dillahunt, Paul Dano, Jeff Bridges and whoever that creepy kid was -- he was excellent!) works with a smart writer/director (Rian Johnson) who's got a great concept. I won't spoil any of the surprises except to say that "Looper" goes in directions I never expected and ends in a way I didn't see coming. This should be a huge hit when it arrives on home video. The re-watch factor will be through the roof, and not just because it's a time travel movie.
Wound up the month with another ghost story DVRed off TCM, and though this one came highly praised in all my horror film guides, I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as "The Uninvited." It's creepier, to be sure (it would have to be with those damn kids) and Deborah Kerr delivers a typically fine performance, but in the end, it just didn't come together into anything with any impact. Too bad.
October 29, 2012
Great Moments in Comics History, Part 6
David Letterman hits a guy with a giant doorknob.
Avengers #239, Jan. 1984, written by Roger Stern, art by Allen Milgrom and Joe Sinnott, letters by J. Novak, colors by C. Scheele, edited by Mike Carlin
October 21, 2012
Great Moments in Comics History, Part 5
While Little Orphan Annie, Dick Tracy, Tarzan and Cheetah look on, Snuffy Smith kills Rex Morgan, MD, with a double-barreled shotgun.
The Mad "Comic" Opera from Mad #56, July 1960, script by Frank Jacobs, art by Wally Wood.
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