Raf Adams's Blog - Posts Tagged "ego"
I realized I lived a life not true to myself for twenty years. I don't like my job, I have financial responsibilities especially because of a newborn child, I am confused to find my inner self, what do I need to do?
Hi Raf, I am Chinese and reading your book makes me feel very relaxed, comfortable and probably hit me in the right time in my life. All along I am alive, I felt living someone else’s life and I lost my true self twenty years ago in pursuit of my external self. Until recently I have founded that I do not like this job, I don’t like working from 9 to 5 but I need to support my family, have a stable income and support to educate my kids who just came into this world. I am confused now to find your inner self, I cannot find a way out, what do I need to do?
The first and most important thing is to develop your self-awareness further about where you are today, the ‘’Suit’’ you are wearing and develop insight about what you like or don’t like in your life and career. This means being honest with yourself and evaluate objectively every area of your life. For example when you look at your career, ask yourself ‘’is this me?’’ and wait a few moments to find the answer within you. If the answer is no, there is something you need to change. You can do this in all areas of your life, your relationships, your hobbies, your activities. Like many of us including myself, realizing that only having just a job for money is not satisfying, can take many years. So the fact that you have that realization is the first step to discover your inner self. The next step is not to make a change immediately, you have responsibilities to take care off with your family and kids and maybe a mortgage to pay. So stay with your level of awareness for a few weeks and even 2-3 months or longer. Do your job as you normally do BUT in the meantime, start to reflect on your life and career. So keep your current reality, even though your job is not a pleasant one and use that time to do soul searching for a few months. Ask yourself questions such as; what would bring happiness in my life, what is great work, what do I love to do and if I would get paid for it would be ideal. What is my passion in life? If I am at the end of my life, would I have any regrets? Take some time (can be 2-3 months or longer) to do that to grow your inner self. Once you have more clarity on what you want inside, you have to try to match this with your external reality. This is very important if you want to live a fulfilling life. Now I know this is not an easy task, not easy at all. Also especially because you are Chinese. For some Chinese who are grown up in a traditional family or have a traditional wife, it might be much more difficult to change. I am not sure about your situation?
(for those who are not Chinese, if your environment is very traditional, not open for change – if people close to you will or might resist the fact that you will do soul searching, do this journey alone first. In the Chinese context, status, your job title, the company you work for, the career you have is how you ‘’show face’’ to others and how well you have done in life. Therefore a family might resist for a Chinese to change because the family might lose face to others.)
Once you have more clarity on what you want within you (and this might be something totally different than what you do today, this might be a totally different area in which you have no expertise) you have to slowly start moving in that direction, while keeping your current job. For example, set up a website if you want to sell products online, start meeting entrepreneurs if you want to run your own business, do research about your area of interest. If you are interested in more areas, explore all areas. In some areas you might lose interest, in some areas your interest will grow. In my case when I was in your position in 2008, I had no idea what I wanted, who I was and I had financial obligations and I had negative beliefs that I could not be successful as a public speaker because I am originally as shy person. Today 5 years later all has come into place and I make money as an author, speaker and facilitator and love my job and make a good living out of it. The transition itself however is not easy. It’s a journey of self-discovery and finding out what your purpose is in life? This is a big question so take your time for it.
Once you have explored several areas of your interest, look into which area you can match with business so you can make a living out of it (it took me 2 years to realize and find out). In the beginning you might need to compromise on the financial part, maybe not but first explore what you love to do and then match that with how you can make money out of it, that will come secondary. This is how you align your Monk with your Suit and that is the journey towards happiness.
When you make decisions or start exploring, ALWAYS follow your heart and intuition even though it doesn’t make sense for your mind. Life itself is designed as a journey towards self-discovery and your intuition will be your guide. At the end of the day no one can tell you what your purpose is, but as Steve Jobs said at Stanford in his speech: ‘’keep searching, don’t settle’’.
I hope this helps. I welcome your comments and questions. Good luck to you.
Raf
The first and most important thing is to develop your self-awareness further about where you are today, the ‘’Suit’’ you are wearing and develop insight about what you like or don’t like in your life and career. This means being honest with yourself and evaluate objectively every area of your life. For example when you look at your career, ask yourself ‘’is this me?’’ and wait a few moments to find the answer within you. If the answer is no, there is something you need to change. You can do this in all areas of your life, your relationships, your hobbies, your activities. Like many of us including myself, realizing that only having just a job for money is not satisfying, can take many years. So the fact that you have that realization is the first step to discover your inner self. The next step is not to make a change immediately, you have responsibilities to take care off with your family and kids and maybe a mortgage to pay. So stay with your level of awareness for a few weeks and even 2-3 months or longer. Do your job as you normally do BUT in the meantime, start to reflect on your life and career. So keep your current reality, even though your job is not a pleasant one and use that time to do soul searching for a few months. Ask yourself questions such as; what would bring happiness in my life, what is great work, what do I love to do and if I would get paid for it would be ideal. What is my passion in life? If I am at the end of my life, would I have any regrets? Take some time (can be 2-3 months or longer) to do that to grow your inner self. Once you have more clarity on what you want inside, you have to try to match this with your external reality. This is very important if you want to live a fulfilling life. Now I know this is not an easy task, not easy at all. Also especially because you are Chinese. For some Chinese who are grown up in a traditional family or have a traditional wife, it might be much more difficult to change. I am not sure about your situation?
(for those who are not Chinese, if your environment is very traditional, not open for change – if people close to you will or might resist the fact that you will do soul searching, do this journey alone first. In the Chinese context, status, your job title, the company you work for, the career you have is how you ‘’show face’’ to others and how well you have done in life. Therefore a family might resist for a Chinese to change because the family might lose face to others.)
Once you have more clarity on what you want within you (and this might be something totally different than what you do today, this might be a totally different area in which you have no expertise) you have to slowly start moving in that direction, while keeping your current job. For example, set up a website if you want to sell products online, start meeting entrepreneurs if you want to run your own business, do research about your area of interest. If you are interested in more areas, explore all areas. In some areas you might lose interest, in some areas your interest will grow. In my case when I was in your position in 2008, I had no idea what I wanted, who I was and I had financial obligations and I had negative beliefs that I could not be successful as a public speaker because I am originally as shy person. Today 5 years later all has come into place and I make money as an author, speaker and facilitator and love my job and make a good living out of it. The transition itself however is not easy. It’s a journey of self-discovery and finding out what your purpose is in life? This is a big question so take your time for it.
Once you have explored several areas of your interest, look into which area you can match with business so you can make a living out of it (it took me 2 years to realize and find out). In the beginning you might need to compromise on the financial part, maybe not but first explore what you love to do and then match that with how you can make money out of it, that will come secondary. This is how you align your Monk with your Suit and that is the journey towards happiness.
When you make decisions or start exploring, ALWAYS follow your heart and intuition even though it doesn’t make sense for your mind. Life itself is designed as a journey towards self-discovery and your intuition will be your guide. At the end of the day no one can tell you what your purpose is, but as Steve Jobs said at Stanford in his speech: ‘’keep searching, don’t settle’’.
I hope this helps. I welcome your comments and questions. Good luck to you.
Raf
