James Langston's Blog, page 2
February 22, 2013
Abusive Husbands - What to do
The Will to Succeed
WHY MEN ABUSE AND BATTER WOMEN
• They use violence and emotional abuse to control their families.
• Believe that they have the right to behave in whatever way they choose while in their own home.
• Think that a ‘real’ man should be tough, powerful and the head of the household. They may believe that they should make most of the decisions, including about how money is spent.
• Believe that men are entitled to sex from their partners.
• Don’t take responsibility for their behavior and prefer to think that loved ones or circumstances provoked their behavior.
• Make excuses for their violence: for example, they will blame alcohol or stress.
• Report ‘losing control’ when angry around their families, but can control their anger around other people. They don’t tend to use violence in other situations: for example, around friends, bosses, work colleagues or the police.
• Try to minimize, blame others for, justify or deny their use of violence, or the impact of their violence towards women and children. (Better Health Channel article – “Domestic Violence: Why Men Abuse Women”)
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WHY WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
• SURVIVAL: Fear about her own and her children’s safety if she leaves.
• ECONOMIC DEPENDENCE: Can she survive on one income?
• FEAR: Of being alone, fear that she cannot cope with home and children by herself.
• PARENTING: Wanting a father for the children.
• RELIGION: Pressure to keep the family together.
• FAMILY: Extended family pressure to keep the family together.
• LOYALTY: If he had cancer, she’d stick by him.
• RESCUE: If she stays, she can “save” him and help him “get better.”
• FEAR OF HIS SUICIDE: He says he’ll kill himself if she leaves.
• DENIAL: “It’s really not so bad.”
• LOVE: She loves him, and he is quite often loving and lovable when he’s not being abusive.
• IDENTITY: Many women feel that they need a man in order to be complete.
• SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT AND HUMILIATION: She doesn’t want anyone to know.
• LOW SELF-ESTEEM: After years of being criticized by her abuser, she believes that it must be her fault, she must deserve it, and she’ll never find anyone better, “a little love is better than no love at all.”
• SEX ROLE: “That’s just the way men are.” (Employee Assistance article – “Why to women stay in abusive relationships”
Help lines for advice and support:
1. In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). On the web it’s www.thehotline.org
*** (The Hotline is a nonprofit organization that provides crisis intervention, information and referral to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends and families.) ***
2. Worldwide: visit www.hotpeachpages.net (International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies) for a global list of help lines, shelters, and crisis centers.
For a safe place to stay:
In the US: visit www.womenslaw.org for a state-by-state directory of domestic violence shelters in the U.S.
*** (In 2001, the WomensLaw.org website was launched to provide state-specific legal information and resources for survivors of domestic violence.) ***
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
WHY MEN ABUSE AND BATTER WOMEN
• They use violence and emotional abuse to control their families.
• Believe that they have the right to behave in whatever way they choose while in their own home.
• Think that a ‘real’ man should be tough, powerful and the head of the household. They may believe that they should make most of the decisions, including about how money is spent.
• Believe that men are entitled to sex from their partners.
• Don’t take responsibility for their behavior and prefer to think that loved ones or circumstances provoked their behavior.
• Make excuses for their violence: for example, they will blame alcohol or stress.
• Report ‘losing control’ when angry around their families, but can control their anger around other people. They don’t tend to use violence in other situations: for example, around friends, bosses, work colleagues or the police.
• Try to minimize, blame others for, justify or deny their use of violence, or the impact of their violence towards women and children. (Better Health Channel article – “Domestic Violence: Why Men Abuse Women”)
[image error]
WHY WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
• SURVIVAL: Fear about her own and her children’s safety if she leaves.
• ECONOMIC DEPENDENCE: Can she survive on one income?
• FEAR: Of being alone, fear that she cannot cope with home and children by herself.
• PARENTING: Wanting a father for the children.
• RELIGION: Pressure to keep the family together.
• FAMILY: Extended family pressure to keep the family together.
• LOYALTY: If he had cancer, she’d stick by him.
• RESCUE: If she stays, she can “save” him and help him “get better.”
• FEAR OF HIS SUICIDE: He says he’ll kill himself if she leaves.
• DENIAL: “It’s really not so bad.”
• LOVE: She loves him, and he is quite often loving and lovable when he’s not being abusive.
• IDENTITY: Many women feel that they need a man in order to be complete.
• SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT AND HUMILIATION: She doesn’t want anyone to know.
• LOW SELF-ESTEEM: After years of being criticized by her abuser, she believes that it must be her fault, she must deserve it, and she’ll never find anyone better, “a little love is better than no love at all.”
• SEX ROLE: “That’s just the way men are.” (Employee Assistance article – “Why to women stay in abusive relationships”
Help lines for advice and support:
1. In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). On the web it’s www.thehotline.org
*** (The Hotline is a nonprofit organization that provides crisis intervention, information and referral to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends and families.) ***
2. Worldwide: visit www.hotpeachpages.net (International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies) for a global list of help lines, shelters, and crisis centers.
For a safe place to stay:
In the US: visit www.womenslaw.org for a state-by-state directory of domestic violence shelters in the U.S.
*** (In 2001, the WomensLaw.org website was launched to provide state-specific legal information and resources for survivors of domestic violence.) ***
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
Church Attendance: Should I or Shouldn't I?
Okay I'm Saved ... Now What?
Each week we spend roughly 40 – 50 hours sleeping, 35 – 60 hours working, 15 – 25 in entertainment (e.g., television, movies, and recreation), 17 – 18 eating, and 5 – 8 in personal hygiene.
Yet, we invest only about 1.5 hours in church attendance or fellowship with other Believers.
Why such disparity? The reasons vary, but ultimately it boils down to our being ignorant to the tremendous blessings, strength and support we receive each time we fellowship with others of like faith (Mat. 18:20).
Sadly, this disparity has allowed the thief an unabated, yet slow and methodical invasion (“stealing,” “killing,” and “destroying” (Jn. 10:10)) into the lives of untold Christians.
Although some may argue that this is my personal summation, I do know it is far easier to take from the holder a priceless possession when they do not recognize the value, than when the value and worth is realized.
Let me ask you three simple questions regarding church attendance, 1) “Why should we attend?” 2) “Where should we attend?” and, 3) “How often should we attend?”
Let me preface my response by saying this; no person is an island unto their self. If the Lord needed His three disciples, Peter, James and John, in the Garden of Gethsemane; this should tell us how much we need one other.
First and foremost our reasons and motives for attending church must line up with the Word of God.
If not, we can easily find ourselves trapped in a religious works mentality and never experience what true worship and service means.
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
Each week we spend roughly 40 – 50 hours sleeping, 35 – 60 hours working, 15 – 25 in entertainment (e.g., television, movies, and recreation), 17 – 18 eating, and 5 – 8 in personal hygiene.
Yet, we invest only about 1.5 hours in church attendance or fellowship with other Believers.
Why such disparity? The reasons vary, but ultimately it boils down to our being ignorant to the tremendous blessings, strength and support we receive each time we fellowship with others of like faith (Mat. 18:20).
Sadly, this disparity has allowed the thief an unabated, yet slow and methodical invasion (“stealing,” “killing,” and “destroying” (Jn. 10:10)) into the lives of untold Christians.
Although some may argue that this is my personal summation, I do know it is far easier to take from the holder a priceless possession when they do not recognize the value, than when the value and worth is realized.
Let me ask you three simple questions regarding church attendance, 1) “Why should we attend?” 2) “Where should we attend?” and, 3) “How often should we attend?”
Let me preface my response by saying this; no person is an island unto their self. If the Lord needed His three disciples, Peter, James and John, in the Garden of Gethsemane; this should tell us how much we need one other.
First and foremost our reasons and motives for attending church must line up with the Word of God.
If not, we can easily find ourselves trapped in a religious works mentality and never experience what true worship and service means.
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
A Mother's Work is Never Done!
The Will to Succeed
The Will to Succeed gives a “through the eyes” glimpse into the emotions, thoughts, decisions, and highs and lows of a mother’s life. Although the consequences of a wrong decision, no matter how slight weigh heavily on her, she presses on – faithful, strong and determined.
Encapsulated in the eight chapters of this book, you will experience the uniqueness of life through the eyes and heartbeats of eight mothers and its ensuing oddities and uncertainties.
Although a compendium of ideas, thoughts, career fields and family structure is found among these mothers, one common thread connects them – commitment.
Several of the mothers are married. Some are single, and others widowed or divorced. One mother is a military spouse; the other an Admiral in the Navy.
Yet, each one is doing her best to love, protect and provide for her family.
Someone once explained motherhood to me with these words, “At a sporting event two types of people are gathered, spectators and participants. Anyone can be a spectator, just say whatever comes to mind, either for or against the contest or the contestants.”
“However, it takes a special warrior to be a participant. You are no longer in the stands, high and safe above the crowd. Now you are face-to-face with your opponent in the arena of life, fighting, striving, getting knocked down, getting dirtied but refusing to quit – those are the real mothers!”
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
The Will to Succeed gives a “through the eyes” glimpse into the emotions, thoughts, decisions, and highs and lows of a mother’s life. Although the consequences of a wrong decision, no matter how slight weigh heavily on her, she presses on – faithful, strong and determined.
Encapsulated in the eight chapters of this book, you will experience the uniqueness of life through the eyes and heartbeats of eight mothers and its ensuing oddities and uncertainties.
Although a compendium of ideas, thoughts, career fields and family structure is found among these mothers, one common thread connects them – commitment.
Several of the mothers are married. Some are single, and others widowed or divorced. One mother is a military spouse; the other an Admiral in the Navy.
Yet, each one is doing her best to love, protect and provide for her family.
Someone once explained motherhood to me with these words, “At a sporting event two types of people are gathered, spectators and participants. Anyone can be a spectator, just say whatever comes to mind, either for or against the contest or the contestants.”
“However, it takes a special warrior to be a participant. You are no longer in the stands, high and safe above the crowd. Now you are face-to-face with your opponent in the arena of life, fighting, striving, getting knocked down, getting dirtied but refusing to quit – those are the real mothers!”
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
Are you in love?
34 Years and Still in Love
How do you know if it is true love or simple infatuation? How do you know if that “goose-bump” feeling is real or not?
It is not a “falling in love” as much as it is a growing in love.
Falling in love may be a single emotion, but that single emotion can cause so many hormonal, chemical and emotional changes that it’s almost unbelievable.
However, evolution and the hormone oxytocin have found ways to make those who truly are in love fall in love forever.
It has created stages, where each experience of falling in or out of love is a process of falling in love.
Stage 1 – Appreciation
Stage 2 – Infatuation
Stage 3 – Attraction
Stage 4 – Impression
Stage 5 – Conviction
Stage 6 – Reaffirmation
Stage 7 – Ready to love
Once you understand where you are in the stage of love, you can make your steps more meaningful and purposeful toward building a happy future together.
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
How do you know if it is true love or simple infatuation? How do you know if that “goose-bump” feeling is real or not?
It is not a “falling in love” as much as it is a growing in love.
Falling in love may be a single emotion, but that single emotion can cause so many hormonal, chemical and emotional changes that it’s almost unbelievable.
However, evolution and the hormone oxytocin have found ways to make those who truly are in love fall in love forever.
It has created stages, where each experience of falling in or out of love is a process of falling in love.
Stage 1 – Appreciation
Stage 2 – Infatuation
Stage 3 – Attraction
Stage 4 – Impression
Stage 5 – Conviction
Stage 6 – Reaffirmation
Stage 7 – Ready to love
Once you understand where you are in the stage of love, you can make your steps more meaningful and purposeful toward building a happy future together.
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
Why Pray?
Okay I'm Saved ... Now What?
So often we relegate prayer to a special time we set aside to bring our financial, physical, spiritual, emotional, or material needs to the Lord.
And, while this is right and proper, our primary reason to pray should be to talk to our Heavenly Father. And then to hear what He has to say to us (whereby we build a servant-to-Father relationship)!
As breathing is essential to the natural body, so is prayer to our spiritual life. In fact, prayer is akin to breathing – you do either to live.
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
So often we relegate prayer to a special time we set aside to bring our financial, physical, spiritual, emotional, or material needs to the Lord.
And, while this is right and proper, our primary reason to pray should be to talk to our Heavenly Father. And then to hear what He has to say to us (whereby we build a servant-to-Father relationship)!
As breathing is essential to the natural body, so is prayer to our spiritual life. In fact, prayer is akin to breathing – you do either to live.
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
