James Langston's Blog - Posts Tagged "husbands"
Abusive Husbands - What to do
The Will to Succeed
WHY MEN ABUSE AND BATTER WOMEN
• They use violence and emotional abuse to control their families.
• Believe that they have the right to behave in whatever way they choose while in their own home.
• Think that a ‘real’ man should be tough, powerful and the head of the household. They may believe that they should make most of the decisions, including about how money is spent.
• Believe that men are entitled to sex from their partners.
• Don’t take responsibility for their behavior and prefer to think that loved ones or circumstances provoked their behavior.
• Make excuses for their violence: for example, they will blame alcohol or stress.
• Report ‘losing control’ when angry around their families, but can control their anger around other people. They don’t tend to use violence in other situations: for example, around friends, bosses, work colleagues or the police.
• Try to minimize, blame others for, justify or deny their use of violence, or the impact of their violence towards women and children. (Better Health Channel article – “Domestic Violence: Why Men Abuse Women”)
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WHY WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
• SURVIVAL: Fear about her own and her children’s safety if she leaves.
• ECONOMIC DEPENDENCE: Can she survive on one income?
• FEAR: Of being alone, fear that she cannot cope with home and children by herself.
• PARENTING: Wanting a father for the children.
• RELIGION: Pressure to keep the family together.
• FAMILY: Extended family pressure to keep the family together.
• LOYALTY: If he had cancer, she’d stick by him.
• RESCUE: If she stays, she can “save” him and help him “get better.”
• FEAR OF HIS SUICIDE: He says he’ll kill himself if she leaves.
• DENIAL: “It’s really not so bad.”
• LOVE: She loves him, and he is quite often loving and lovable when he’s not being abusive.
• IDENTITY: Many women feel that they need a man in order to be complete.
• SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT AND HUMILIATION: She doesn’t want anyone to know.
• LOW SELF-ESTEEM: After years of being criticized by her abuser, she believes that it must be her fault, she must deserve it, and she’ll never find anyone better, “a little love is better than no love at all.”
• SEX ROLE: “That’s just the way men are.” (Employee Assistance article – “Why to women stay in abusive relationships”
Help lines for advice and support:
1. In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). On the web it’s www.thehotline.org
*** (The Hotline is a nonprofit organization that provides crisis intervention, information and referral to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends and families.) ***
2. Worldwide: visit www.hotpeachpages.net (International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies) for a global list of help lines, shelters, and crisis centers.
For a safe place to stay:
In the US: visit www.womenslaw.org for a state-by-state directory of domestic violence shelters in the U.S.
*** (In 2001, the WomensLaw.org website was launched to provide state-specific legal information and resources for survivors of domestic violence.) ***
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
WHY MEN ABUSE AND BATTER WOMEN
• They use violence and emotional abuse to control their families.
• Believe that they have the right to behave in whatever way they choose while in their own home.
• Think that a ‘real’ man should be tough, powerful and the head of the household. They may believe that they should make most of the decisions, including about how money is spent.
• Believe that men are entitled to sex from their partners.
• Don’t take responsibility for their behavior and prefer to think that loved ones or circumstances provoked their behavior.
• Make excuses for their violence: for example, they will blame alcohol or stress.
• Report ‘losing control’ when angry around their families, but can control their anger around other people. They don’t tend to use violence in other situations: for example, around friends, bosses, work colleagues or the police.
• Try to minimize, blame others for, justify or deny their use of violence, or the impact of their violence towards women and children. (Better Health Channel article – “Domestic Violence: Why Men Abuse Women”)
[image error]
WHY WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
• SURVIVAL: Fear about her own and her children’s safety if she leaves.
• ECONOMIC DEPENDENCE: Can she survive on one income?
• FEAR: Of being alone, fear that she cannot cope with home and children by herself.
• PARENTING: Wanting a father for the children.
• RELIGION: Pressure to keep the family together.
• FAMILY: Extended family pressure to keep the family together.
• LOYALTY: If he had cancer, she’d stick by him.
• RESCUE: If she stays, she can “save” him and help him “get better.”
• FEAR OF HIS SUICIDE: He says he’ll kill himself if she leaves.
• DENIAL: “It’s really not so bad.”
• LOVE: She loves him, and he is quite often loving and lovable when he’s not being abusive.
• IDENTITY: Many women feel that they need a man in order to be complete.
• SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT AND HUMILIATION: She doesn’t want anyone to know.
• LOW SELF-ESTEEM: After years of being criticized by her abuser, she believes that it must be her fault, she must deserve it, and she’ll never find anyone better, “a little love is better than no love at all.”
• SEX ROLE: “That’s just the way men are.” (Employee Assistance article – “Why to women stay in abusive relationships”
Help lines for advice and support:
1. In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). On the web it’s www.thehotline.org
*** (The Hotline is a nonprofit organization that provides crisis intervention, information and referral to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends and families.) ***
2. Worldwide: visit www.hotpeachpages.net (International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies) for a global list of help lines, shelters, and crisis centers.
For a safe place to stay:
In the US: visit www.womenslaw.org for a state-by-state directory of domestic violence shelters in the U.S.
*** (In 2001, the WomensLaw.org website was launched to provide state-specific legal information and resources for survivors of domestic violence.) ***
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries Bookstore
