Mark Wilson's Blog - Posts Tagged "feedback"
Praise and Bruised Esteem
As a writer, it can be a strange old experience receiving feedback, comments or reviews on books you have written. Personally I always welcome feedback from people who have enjoyed my books. I’m also very grateful for readers who tell me about parts that left them unsatisfied or frustrated (my beta readers are great at this).
I’ve been fortunate to have been sent many good reviews and emails about sections of both books which people have identified with and kindly taken the time to tell me about their thoughts. Paddy's Daddy (a book I hated writing) in particular seems to encourage people who have had similar experiences to share them with me.
One problem. Every single positive comment makes me squirm inside. They physically hurt and serve to remind me how badly damaged I still am inside (despite my confident exterior and tremendous progress in staying on top of depression) because of childhood abuse and neglect.
In the past I would brush people’s kindness off with comments like “Na, It’s rubbish” when getting praised. I was trying to deflect the praise. What I meant was “I’m rubbish”. What they heard was “You’re a fool for liking it” or “I don’t appreciate what you’re saying”. I never do this anymore.
Now I bury and ignore the voice that tells me that I’m worthless and that everything I produce is crap, and simply say thank you, then offer them some insight into the section they liked in return and try to repay the compliment genuinely in some way. I’m new to it, this simple human exchange, but I’m learning. A small part of me is beginning to accept praise just a little and it’s a pretty good feeling.
Just a thought for today.
Paddy's Daddy
I’ve been fortunate to have been sent many good reviews and emails about sections of both books which people have identified with and kindly taken the time to tell me about their thoughts. Paddy's Daddy (a book I hated writing) in particular seems to encourage people who have had similar experiences to share them with me.
One problem. Every single positive comment makes me squirm inside. They physically hurt and serve to remind me how badly damaged I still am inside (despite my confident exterior and tremendous progress in staying on top of depression) because of childhood abuse and neglect.
In the past I would brush people’s kindness off with comments like “Na, It’s rubbish” when getting praised. I was trying to deflect the praise. What I meant was “I’m rubbish”. What they heard was “You’re a fool for liking it” or “I don’t appreciate what you’re saying”. I never do this anymore.
Now I bury and ignore the voice that tells me that I’m worthless and that everything I produce is crap, and simply say thank you, then offer them some insight into the section they liked in return and try to repay the compliment genuinely in some way. I’m new to it, this simple human exchange, but I’m learning. A small part of me is beginning to accept praise just a little and it’s a pretty good feeling.
Just a thought for today.
Paddy's Daddy
