Ruby Wax's Blog, page 6
July 2, 2014
Learning To Manage Our Ancient Whispers
I've been thinking how little we know about ourselves no matter how much has been coughed out to shrinks. Surely to understand our inner inconsistencies there must be some other influences outside our paltry life stories which some of us repeat on an endless loop tape to get to the nub of who we are.
My opinion is we need to take into consideration the influence of our ancient roots, our prehistoric past.
Like it or not, we all started as tiny one-celled protoplasm. We should look further back than our time as Homo Sapiens to understand who we are today. It wasn't all that long ago when we even began; only for the last 200,000 years have we been modern humans (hairless), before that fish, lizards and a various assortment of apes. (Not the most sophisticated of lineages.) Most of us are hopelessly unaware of the extent to which we're held hostage by our moronic beginnings.
In some ways we've come a long way i.e. standing up in high heels but as far as our emotional development we're still swimming in the pond scum. The problem is that we're unaware that part of our brains still play by the rules of 400 million years ago. I'm talking about the 'kill and mate' school of thought. As evolved as we think we are, we're still cave folk with Stone Age brains trying to deal with the complexities of the 21st century. This could be the answer to why we need so many shrinks and medication.
In the beginning things were fine, we lived in tribes with family members. We all shared the same genes so we trusted and protected each other. The bad news about this is the bit about all being related which caused infinite mutations; some of our cousins had more fingers than needed, others had their feet growing backwards. These were the days of hunter-gatherer, which lasted for many thousands of years. The men did the dirty work spearing dinner, the woman peeled roots and bulbs (before women's lib.). No one complained, mainly because they couldn't speak; language was not invented yet. The problems began when the tribes started to expand, cities grew up and civilisation developed. Now we had to make rules to control our deeper, darker desires, i.e. don't sleep with your sister. Freud tried to help us reign in our 'ids' but our baser, primordial selves are still sliming around under the surface. Repression doesn't help; that Alien inside is always lurking ready to let it rip. These days we convince ourselves we're fighting for justice to defend our beliefs. In my brutal opinion, we're simply appeasing our basic urge to kill; as in, tear the throat out of the foe, irrelevant of race, religion or political affinity. Every cell in our bodies wants to divide and conquer, why should our yearning to overthrow other countries be different?
To evolve any further we need to become conscious of these 'ancient whispers.' Underneath our mild mannered exteriors are our barbaric brothers of the past. If you act unaware of your Dark Force it will act out without you being conscious and throw grenades where you think you've done good. So when you feel the urge to tear off someone's head that got the job you always wanted, remember that we all have a savage within that seeks revenge. I even go as far as giving a little compassion to the beast within because I wouldn't have survived without him. So in essence, it took us four billion years to evolve to where we are and though we're cognitively brilliant we're still a little emotionally dwarfed, the question is could our more empathetic side catch up?
I say the first step is learning to hug your inner ape. (Perhaps the name of a new book? Maybe not).
My opinion is we need to take into consideration the influence of our ancient roots, our prehistoric past.
Like it or not, we all started as tiny one-celled protoplasm. We should look further back than our time as Homo Sapiens to understand who we are today. It wasn't all that long ago when we even began; only for the last 200,000 years have we been modern humans (hairless), before that fish, lizards and a various assortment of apes. (Not the most sophisticated of lineages.) Most of us are hopelessly unaware of the extent to which we're held hostage by our moronic beginnings.
In some ways we've come a long way i.e. standing up in high heels but as far as our emotional development we're still swimming in the pond scum. The problem is that we're unaware that part of our brains still play by the rules of 400 million years ago. I'm talking about the 'kill and mate' school of thought. As evolved as we think we are, we're still cave folk with Stone Age brains trying to deal with the complexities of the 21st century. This could be the answer to why we need so many shrinks and medication.
In the beginning things were fine, we lived in tribes with family members. We all shared the same genes so we trusted and protected each other. The bad news about this is the bit about all being related which caused infinite mutations; some of our cousins had more fingers than needed, others had their feet growing backwards. These were the days of hunter-gatherer, which lasted for many thousands of years. The men did the dirty work spearing dinner, the woman peeled roots and bulbs (before women's lib.). No one complained, mainly because they couldn't speak; language was not invented yet. The problems began when the tribes started to expand, cities grew up and civilisation developed. Now we had to make rules to control our deeper, darker desires, i.e. don't sleep with your sister. Freud tried to help us reign in our 'ids' but our baser, primordial selves are still sliming around under the surface. Repression doesn't help; that Alien inside is always lurking ready to let it rip. These days we convince ourselves we're fighting for justice to defend our beliefs. In my brutal opinion, we're simply appeasing our basic urge to kill; as in, tear the throat out of the foe, irrelevant of race, religion or political affinity. Every cell in our bodies wants to divide and conquer, why should our yearning to overthrow other countries be different?
To evolve any further we need to become conscious of these 'ancient whispers.' Underneath our mild mannered exteriors are our barbaric brothers of the past. If you act unaware of your Dark Force it will act out without you being conscious and throw grenades where you think you've done good. So when you feel the urge to tear off someone's head that got the job you always wanted, remember that we all have a savage within that seeks revenge. I even go as far as giving a little compassion to the beast within because I wouldn't have survived without him. So in essence, it took us four billion years to evolve to where we are and though we're cognitively brilliant we're still a little emotionally dwarfed, the question is could our more empathetic side catch up?
I say the first step is learning to hug your inner ape. (Perhaps the name of a new book? Maybe not).
June 26, 2014
#AskRuby 26 June 2014
Here is this week's #AskRuby , if you need any more answers let me know your questions
1. Do you think counselling helps when in the midst of depression, or is it better left til later?
To me, when you’re in the midst of depression your mind has been evacuated there’s no one at home. In those times you wouldn’t know therapy if it came up and hit you on the head.
2. @MichelHeller: best book/article/class you recommend for beginners to mindfulness? I've read #sanenewworld and I want to learn more. Thx.
“Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World” by Mark Williams. He was my professor at Oxford, one of the founders of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, a genius and humble. (Rare combo).
3. @missmusical3 : Did you experience depression as a child?
Yes, but back then no one knew that it existed, they checked my blood so many times hunting for a physical illness, I was sucked dry.
4. @elenwebbpage : having trouble reconciling planning for the future and practicing living in the present - any tips?
You have to plan for the future or nothings going to happen, you’ll grind to a halt and sometimes it’s good to be present, to give yourself a gift for all that planning.
5. @WreckReceiver : Do you think happiness is overrated?
I think happiness means getting a burst of dopamine or endorphins and it feels so good, then it’s over as quick as it started, then you spend all your time ‘chasing the dragon’ for an even bigger hit and it’s just exhausting.
1. Do you think counselling helps when in the midst of depression, or is it better left til later?
To me, when you’re in the midst of depression your mind has been evacuated there’s no one at home. In those times you wouldn’t know therapy if it came up and hit you on the head.
2. @MichelHeller: best book/article/class you recommend for beginners to mindfulness? I've read #sanenewworld and I want to learn more. Thx.
“Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World” by Mark Williams. He was my professor at Oxford, one of the founders of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, a genius and humble. (Rare combo).
3. @missmusical3 : Did you experience depression as a child?
Yes, but back then no one knew that it existed, they checked my blood so many times hunting for a physical illness, I was sucked dry.
4. @elenwebbpage : having trouble reconciling planning for the future and practicing living in the present - any tips?
You have to plan for the future or nothings going to happen, you’ll grind to a halt and sometimes it’s good to be present, to give yourself a gift for all that planning.
5. @WreckReceiver : Do you think happiness is overrated?
I think happiness means getting a burst of dopamine or endorphins and it feels so good, then it’s over as quick as it started, then you spend all your time ‘chasing the dragon’ for an even bigger hit and it’s just exhausting.
June 20, 2014
A Day In The Life in My Head
Most mornings I try to drag myself into a sitting position to practice mindfulness. I do this because if I delay and say to myself, "Later," I'll never do it. My body craves to stay prone, probably forever. But sitting up and following my breath, I can check my internal weather conditions and if I don't check in, they'll unconsciously influence everything I do in the day. It's like clearing out the attic. Once I'm sitting, the madness begins. The thoughts of why I might be anxious whirl around my brain like a hurricane; fast and furious. They're jumping to make sense of my feelings, to find some explanations like, "I didn't get invited to..." "My so called friend didn't call me back." "I didn't feed the cat." "We're all going to die." There is no priority; just endless rumination to label the feeling of fear and dread. What makes it worth sitting there is that eventually my thoughts settle down and I can start to sense the raw emotion. Once I go below the thoughts I can connect with the raw feelings. The understanding that feelings are just feelings and thoughts are just thoughts and both could be the result of anything. I may never be aware of why, so to try to think my way out is a waste of time and energy because if I focus on exactly where this feeling is in my body it eventually shifts, disperses or transforms. This sense of everything coming and going, is totally liberating and makes the whole ordeal worth doing.
Even though it seems so simple, it's hard because you have to repeat this going from the thought to the feeling over and over again and it's the repetition that builds the strength to go under the words for safety when they're particularly abusive, (they are in my case). Each time I'm aware my mind has snared me, I take the focus back to the feeling; sensing the edges, the size and even the weight. It's incredible how desperate the mind is to come up with a story line. In the end there are no explanations and we'll never be conscious of why we have them. My feelings of discomfort could be a result of having indigestion because I binged on chocolate at midnight or because of a memory or a dream. This morning I probably feel extremely anxious because of my dream last night. But rather than go over and over it with a shrink (sorry Freud) I just try to sit with the feeling because really if this is why I feel the way I do how could it possibly be of any benefit? Here's the dream for your amusement:
I've parked my car in a no parking area. My car has been completely dismantled, only the chassis is left. The guy who tore it apart tells me he'll put it together again if I pay $5,000. I refuse so he takes me to his leader who happens to be a seriously dangerous gang leader. I try to make him laugh (my only weapon) which I do by showing him how I can turn his photos of naked women into key chains. (I know it's not funny or does it make sense). He laughs as I walk away thinking, "Sucker, I got him, I won't have to pay the $5,000." As I'm leaving a group of Vietnamese boy/soldiers march by and one of the lackey's of the leader says I better pay the $5,000 or this will happen to me. He then takes out a lance and makes a small slice into one of the soldier's throat. At first it's just a gash but then his head rolls off and blood spurts out. I start to think maybe I should take this seriously and get the money so I jump into a white stretch limo with no roof and demand the driver take me to every cash point in town. It dawns on me as fear creeps into every cell that my charms didn't work and my whole family will be wiped out. I go from cash point to cash point collecting money and then decide I'll pay him back in avocados. Ok jump cut, I'm working around the clock with Chinese workers wrapping up thousands of avocados. Do you now see why I might have woken up feeling anxious?
I could have carried those sensations around with me all day reacting unconsciously reacting to everything with fear and dread. Instead I figure they're just feelings, it's probably just a result of my dream or even if it isn't let it go. I feel clearer and slightly amused by my nocturnal rantings and get on with the day.
Even though it seems so simple, it's hard because you have to repeat this going from the thought to the feeling over and over again and it's the repetition that builds the strength to go under the words for safety when they're particularly abusive, (they are in my case). Each time I'm aware my mind has snared me, I take the focus back to the feeling; sensing the edges, the size and even the weight. It's incredible how desperate the mind is to come up with a story line. In the end there are no explanations and we'll never be conscious of why we have them. My feelings of discomfort could be a result of having indigestion because I binged on chocolate at midnight or because of a memory or a dream. This morning I probably feel extremely anxious because of my dream last night. But rather than go over and over it with a shrink (sorry Freud) I just try to sit with the feeling because really if this is why I feel the way I do how could it possibly be of any benefit? Here's the dream for your amusement:
I've parked my car in a no parking area. My car has been completely dismantled, only the chassis is left. The guy who tore it apart tells me he'll put it together again if I pay $5,000. I refuse so he takes me to his leader who happens to be a seriously dangerous gang leader. I try to make him laugh (my only weapon) which I do by showing him how I can turn his photos of naked women into key chains. (I know it's not funny or does it make sense). He laughs as I walk away thinking, "Sucker, I got him, I won't have to pay the $5,000." As I'm leaving a group of Vietnamese boy/soldiers march by and one of the lackey's of the leader says I better pay the $5,000 or this will happen to me. He then takes out a lance and makes a small slice into one of the soldier's throat. At first it's just a gash but then his head rolls off and blood spurts out. I start to think maybe I should take this seriously and get the money so I jump into a white stretch limo with no roof and demand the driver take me to every cash point in town. It dawns on me as fear creeps into every cell that my charms didn't work and my whole family will be wiped out. I go from cash point to cash point collecting money and then decide I'll pay him back in avocados. Ok jump cut, I'm working around the clock with Chinese workers wrapping up thousands of avocados. Do you now see why I might have woken up feeling anxious?
I could have carried those sensations around with me all day reacting unconsciously reacting to everything with fear and dread. Instead I figure they're just feelings, it's probably just a result of my dream or even if it isn't let it go. I feel clearer and slightly amused by my nocturnal rantings and get on with the day.
June 12, 2014
Mindfulness in Parliament (Go Figure)
Last Wednesday I went to Parliament to hear Arianna Huffington speak about her new book, Thrive. I loved that we all had to go through high security, each item electrically sniffed and to make sure my mascara wasn't a weapon, to hear a talk on mindfulness. We were led through underground passages past medieval banqueting halls, past the main lobby dripping with gold, spires and stained glass Saints, (so relaxing). Finally we found the room where she was speaking; a mini version of Hogwart's dinning room; mahogany coffin walls, a serious top table looming over the pews where all the honoured guests faced each other. I was put next to Arianna (on the top table, thrilled to my core.) I thought to myself, "Ruby - pretend they haven't made a mistake with the seating". I felt like I was playing Maggie Smith about to give a lesson in wand work.
Arianna was sensational, she spoke with elegance, clarity and passion to what seemed like a roomful of stiff pin-stripped suits, though as soon as she began, their grey faces melted away, suddenly filled with blood and were transformed back to breathing human beings. Everyone was on the same page when she said, in this culture, we wear our burnout like a badge of honour; as if it's a great achievement to work 12 hours a day, on two hours sleep and then jog at 3 a.m. She said there is no such thing as work/life balance - there is only life.
My thoughts are we're only made of flesh and bone, not steel and pushing ourselves beyond all limits, you inevitably have to crash and burn. Even those who seem like they're succeeding on high octane, believe me, I've noticed with many there's a leak somewhere; maybe their kids are addicts, the wife is on meds or they've got a stroke in the making. I've seen it so many times: time will take its toll.
She spoke so articulately about the science behind the practice of mindfulness, that it isn't something fluffy but has actual physiological evidence observable in various types of brain scanners. When you practice watching your thoughts and feelings even for a few days, the cortisol decreases, which is the culprit for many problems If left on too long it won't just burn you out but can contribute to heart disease, diabetes 2, certain cancers, mental illness, memory loss and will ultimately bring down your immune system, breaking down your resistance to any disease that may be passing by. I was only a few inches away from her so I picked up she was totally at ease in her skin, no sense of anxiety, knew exactly what she wanted to communicate and was embedded in the present. If you're near someone who has a focus but is present, you pick it up and that in turn makes you present; your head gets clearer and you notice more in the 'moment'. This state then spreads from person to person like a virus. We naturally work as a social group not as individuals. This is one of the main points of mindfulness - that it isn't just about regulating your own thoughts and feelings but to use that clarity to communicate to the next person; it has a ripple effect. I call it neural wi-fi. If your mind is at ease it affects the next person which affects the room, then the neighbourhood, the town, the country and eventually the world. If each of us can hold back their trigger finger before impulsively reacting in anger it would benefit all mankind.
She said, if you introduce mindfulness in schools or at work, people sometimes ask, "What's the point of this?" You can tell them you'll get you higher grades or become more successful at business because you can stay calm in the storm. It's alright if you practice for those reasons but eventually, without being aware, you'll realise that you are much more than your job or your grades or your success. That there is a life that needs to be enriched and paid attention to and that makes life worth living
Arianna was sensational, she spoke with elegance, clarity and passion to what seemed like a roomful of stiff pin-stripped suits, though as soon as she began, their grey faces melted away, suddenly filled with blood and were transformed back to breathing human beings. Everyone was on the same page when she said, in this culture, we wear our burnout like a badge of honour; as if it's a great achievement to work 12 hours a day, on two hours sleep and then jog at 3 a.m. She said there is no such thing as work/life balance - there is only life.
My thoughts are we're only made of flesh and bone, not steel and pushing ourselves beyond all limits, you inevitably have to crash and burn. Even those who seem like they're succeeding on high octane, believe me, I've noticed with many there's a leak somewhere; maybe their kids are addicts, the wife is on meds or they've got a stroke in the making. I've seen it so many times: time will take its toll.
She spoke so articulately about the science behind the practice of mindfulness, that it isn't something fluffy but has actual physiological evidence observable in various types of brain scanners. When you practice watching your thoughts and feelings even for a few days, the cortisol decreases, which is the culprit for many problems If left on too long it won't just burn you out but can contribute to heart disease, diabetes 2, certain cancers, mental illness, memory loss and will ultimately bring down your immune system, breaking down your resistance to any disease that may be passing by. I was only a few inches away from her so I picked up she was totally at ease in her skin, no sense of anxiety, knew exactly what she wanted to communicate and was embedded in the present. If you're near someone who has a focus but is present, you pick it up and that in turn makes you present; your head gets clearer and you notice more in the 'moment'. This state then spreads from person to person like a virus. We naturally work as a social group not as individuals. This is one of the main points of mindfulness - that it isn't just about regulating your own thoughts and feelings but to use that clarity to communicate to the next person; it has a ripple effect. I call it neural wi-fi. If your mind is at ease it affects the next person which affects the room, then the neighbourhood, the town, the country and eventually the world. If each of us can hold back their trigger finger before impulsively reacting in anger it would benefit all mankind.
She said, if you introduce mindfulness in schools or at work, people sometimes ask, "What's the point of this?" You can tell them you'll get you higher grades or become more successful at business because you can stay calm in the storm. It's alright if you practice for those reasons but eventually, without being aware, you'll realise that you are much more than your job or your grades or your success. That there is a life that needs to be enriched and paid attention to and that makes life worth living
June 5, 2014
#AskRuby 5 June 2014
Here are the answers to the latest #AskRuby in full. You can send me questions to answer on twitter by tweeting @RubyWax and using #AskRuby
1. @McArevey We have/have had countless diet shows & Embarrassing Bodies clinics on TV. Where are the programmes looking at mental health?
@Rubywax It’s all about what’s in fashion and viewing figures. Obviously body mutations and over ‘cellulited’ people (want to be pc) are in and we are out. When they run out of physical atrocities then maybe our day will come.
2.@WTarps: I'm bipolar and been well on meds for 10 years. Should I still put MH disability down on job apps in case I ever relapse?
@Rubywax Once you’ve said you’re bi-polar on your CV you can’t take it off again. If you get caught lying they will burn you at the stake and take away your insurance
3. @mariloubluebell why do you think that you are so driven?
@Rubywax I was raised by immigrants who were always fleeing from one place or another. I’m sure that’s why I’m driven; to stop moving forward means annihilation
4. @BobFlowerpot how do you forgive, and what does that mean? #AskRuby
@Rubywax You forgive by letting go of the hatred and the continuous story in your head that justifies it. However hard it is to forgive, it’s easier than carrying that weight.
5. @sianysianp Thanks for Hay, I worry that CBT is being used as some miracle fix within my local area - have you seen this happening? #AskRuby
@Rubywax Nothing works for everything and there is no miracle but at least there’s something other then GP’s tossing drugs at anyone who has a bad day willy-nill. At least now you get a human face to talk to and talking plus medication really is the cure. Maybe someday you can get other therapies but one step at a time.
6. @JPeacock101 are you coming birmingham on your tour next year ;o)
@Rubywax You can see all my tour dates here http://www.rubywax.net/tour.html
1. @McArevey We have/have had countless diet shows & Embarrassing Bodies clinics on TV. Where are the programmes looking at mental health?
@Rubywax It’s all about what’s in fashion and viewing figures. Obviously body mutations and over ‘cellulited’ people (want to be pc) are in and we are out. When they run out of physical atrocities then maybe our day will come.
2.@WTarps: I'm bipolar and been well on meds for 10 years. Should I still put MH disability down on job apps in case I ever relapse?
@Rubywax Once you’ve said you’re bi-polar on your CV you can’t take it off again. If you get caught lying they will burn you at the stake and take away your insurance
3. @mariloubluebell why do you think that you are so driven?
@Rubywax I was raised by immigrants who were always fleeing from one place or another. I’m sure that’s why I’m driven; to stop moving forward means annihilation
4. @BobFlowerpot how do you forgive, and what does that mean? #AskRuby
@Rubywax You forgive by letting go of the hatred and the continuous story in your head that justifies it. However hard it is to forgive, it’s easier than carrying that weight.
5. @sianysianp Thanks for Hay, I worry that CBT is being used as some miracle fix within my local area - have you seen this happening? #AskRuby
@Rubywax Nothing works for everything and there is no miracle but at least there’s something other then GP’s tossing drugs at anyone who has a bad day willy-nill. At least now you get a human face to talk to and talking plus medication really is the cure. Maybe someday you can get other therapies but one step at a time.
6. @JPeacock101 are you coming birmingham on your tour next year ;o)
@Rubywax You can see all my tour dates here http://www.rubywax.net/tour.html
June 4, 2014
On Using Mindfulness as Party Survival Skills
I don't like parties anymore, I don't think I ever did but when you drink, the world is your oyster card. I remember in the old days throwing it back as fast as I could and thinking I was a joy to behold. I wasn't, I told the same story over and over again and didn't notice people blurring over with boredom. I spent days afterwards on the phone asking if I went too far? If you have to ask it you did.
I went to a large party a few days ago and this time was aware of why in the past I felt the need to get drunk. Maybe it's because I've been practicing mindfulness that this time I could notice with clarity what was happening and what I was feeling and thinking in the moment. When I'm with a few people and feel stressed I have the space to be able to focus my attention on one of my senses either breath, sound, taste, touch or sight and be able to cool down my chattering mind, think clearly and listen to everyone. At this party - with so many people in one room - my mind scattered so I fell straight into my old habits from way back in childhood; getting people laugh to get their approval. Why I need to do this I don't know. It could be because as a child I always thought the more people I could get to like me, the more protected I was from my parents' abuse. It would be like building a human igloo of protection. So I'm at the party moving like a starving animal hunting for attention from person to person. I usually gravitate to those I perceive as the most powerful or popular. If I can get them to like me my self-esteem goes up a mile. That feeling only lasts a few seconds because it's such hard work. While I'm mentally tap dancing for their attention, my mind is assaulting me with, "Any second they're going to find out that I'm a fraud".
I'm ashamed to write this but it's true and better out than in. The rest of the evening is spent panicking about how long I'm supposed to talk to one person and then when do I turn and talk to the next? I don't want them to turn away first: that would stab me in the heart, so I exhaust myself trying to stay interesting even if they're boring me senseless. What kind of people have the confidence to just stand there and be boring? Does this mean they're more evolved or superior to the rest of us? So, I'm standing there holding a glass and my mind is now a car crash of instructions on what to do next. (I never know why we can't sit down. Does standing mean you're a grown-up?) And then dinner starts and you're assigned to sit next to someone you don't know and have to talk to him/her for the rest of the night. Is this supposed to be fun? I'm dripping in sweat because of feeling the burden that I have to keep the conversation titillating. I found myself at this party saying, "So tell me about the diggers you invest in, in East Africa." I caught myself humped over desperately trying to keep my interest going but then thought, "I can't do this anymore" and making sure he didn't notice, I made sure I didn't upset him by letting him finish his speech about diggers, I slipped away. I suppose that is being mindful, noticing that my mind was out of commission and I wasn't really there. I left to sit in the loo to calm my racing mind. I could then clearly decide what I really felt I wanted to do. Without beating myself up about it, which would have happened five years ago, I went to bed. It turns out no one noticed I left. Sometimes it's good not to feel like you have to steal the show - you only end up with a hangover.
I went to a large party a few days ago and this time was aware of why in the past I felt the need to get drunk. Maybe it's because I've been practicing mindfulness that this time I could notice with clarity what was happening and what I was feeling and thinking in the moment. When I'm with a few people and feel stressed I have the space to be able to focus my attention on one of my senses either breath, sound, taste, touch or sight and be able to cool down my chattering mind, think clearly and listen to everyone. At this party - with so many people in one room - my mind scattered so I fell straight into my old habits from way back in childhood; getting people laugh to get their approval. Why I need to do this I don't know. It could be because as a child I always thought the more people I could get to like me, the more protected I was from my parents' abuse. It would be like building a human igloo of protection. So I'm at the party moving like a starving animal hunting for attention from person to person. I usually gravitate to those I perceive as the most powerful or popular. If I can get them to like me my self-esteem goes up a mile. That feeling only lasts a few seconds because it's such hard work. While I'm mentally tap dancing for their attention, my mind is assaulting me with, "Any second they're going to find out that I'm a fraud".
I'm ashamed to write this but it's true and better out than in. The rest of the evening is spent panicking about how long I'm supposed to talk to one person and then when do I turn and talk to the next? I don't want them to turn away first: that would stab me in the heart, so I exhaust myself trying to stay interesting even if they're boring me senseless. What kind of people have the confidence to just stand there and be boring? Does this mean they're more evolved or superior to the rest of us? So, I'm standing there holding a glass and my mind is now a car crash of instructions on what to do next. (I never know why we can't sit down. Does standing mean you're a grown-up?) And then dinner starts and you're assigned to sit next to someone you don't know and have to talk to him/her for the rest of the night. Is this supposed to be fun? I'm dripping in sweat because of feeling the burden that I have to keep the conversation titillating. I found myself at this party saying, "So tell me about the diggers you invest in, in East Africa." I caught myself humped over desperately trying to keep my interest going but then thought, "I can't do this anymore" and making sure he didn't notice, I made sure I didn't upset him by letting him finish his speech about diggers, I slipped away. I suppose that is being mindful, noticing that my mind was out of commission and I wasn't really there. I left to sit in the loo to calm my racing mind. I could then clearly decide what I really felt I wanted to do. Without beating myself up about it, which would have happened five years ago, I went to bed. It turns out no one noticed I left. Sometimes it's good not to feel like you have to steal the show - you only end up with a hangover.
May 29, 2014
#Ask Ruby 22 May 2014
Here are the answers to the latest #AskRuby in full. You can send me questions to answer on twitter by tweeting @RubyWax and using #AskR
mark langford @langford_mark
@Rubywax #AskRuby what are your reading? apart from tweets...
I’m reading books about the brain to figure out how to make mine better; they make me feel like I’m feeding it. I like David Eagleman’s stuff.
MillyMollyMandy @Amandastock1
@Rubywax will you be doing another tour? Please come to Chelmsford! #askruby
I’m going to be at the Edinburgh Festival August 1-7 then starting another tour in September www.rubywax.net/tour . I will tour until hopefully I hit every crevice and protrusion in the UK. I am a driven woman.
Rosemary Channin @RosemaryChannin
@Rubywax What were the best and worst parts of the Oxford Mindfulness course? I'm thinking of applying at some stage #AskRuby
The best bit was I had Mark Williams as a professor who is one of the founders of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy so I learned from the horse’s mouth. The worst bits are trying to write a dissertation with some confidence when you know you got a D in English in High School.
Sooper8 @Sooper8
@Rubywax #askruby Is Mindfulness a radical political ideology ? And if not , should it/could it be?
Absolutely not. Practicing mindfulness sharpens up your mental muscles so you can pay ‘attention’ to what you want to focus on. Not easy when your brain is going 2,000 miles on hour dragging you through an endless list that never ends.
Charlotte Warwick @teacakeuk
@Rubywax #askruby Do you think they'll ever repeat 'Girls on Top'? I loved that show!!
I hope not, we were not in our right minds.
miss musical @missmusical3
@Rubywax Do you think being in the public eye makes your mental health issues harder to deal with? #AskRuby.
It’s hard to deal with mental illness whatever eye you’re in; public or private. First, you feel you have to hide it and when you do get busted for having it they burn you at the stake metaphorically.
Pete Burns @PeteBurnsICON
@Rubywax what are your views on ECT #AskRuby
What works for one person can seriously screw up the next. I have friends who had Electro convulsive therapy and got over their depression then other’s who disappeared in a fog.
lee boyle @slowliving1
@Rubywax hey Ruby, would you recommend long-term medication for depression? #AskRuby
Who am I to say? Each man for him self. If you have a real mental disease (I don’t mean you’re a little sad) then I say you need as much as a diabetic needs insulin. I wouldn’t tell them to not take it and it’s the same with depression. With depression I’d add the therapy, you need both.
Kenny D-S @Kipplewinker
#AskRuby What is your favourite silent movie? #unusualquestionputtoacelebrity
“The Artist” . You didn’t even realize no one was moving their lips with no noise coming out.
mark langford @langford_mark
@Rubywax #AskRuby what are your reading? apart from tweets...
I’m reading books about the brain to figure out how to make mine better; they make me feel like I’m feeding it. I like David Eagleman’s stuff.
MillyMollyMandy @Amandastock1
@Rubywax will you be doing another tour? Please come to Chelmsford! #askruby
I’m going to be at the Edinburgh Festival August 1-7 then starting another tour in September www.rubywax.net/tour . I will tour until hopefully I hit every crevice and protrusion in the UK. I am a driven woman.
Rosemary Channin @RosemaryChannin
@Rubywax What were the best and worst parts of the Oxford Mindfulness course? I'm thinking of applying at some stage #AskRuby
The best bit was I had Mark Williams as a professor who is one of the founders of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy so I learned from the horse’s mouth. The worst bits are trying to write a dissertation with some confidence when you know you got a D in English in High School.
Sooper8 @Sooper8
@Rubywax #askruby Is Mindfulness a radical political ideology ? And if not , should it/could it be?
Absolutely not. Practicing mindfulness sharpens up your mental muscles so you can pay ‘attention’ to what you want to focus on. Not easy when your brain is going 2,000 miles on hour dragging you through an endless list that never ends.
Charlotte Warwick @teacakeuk
@Rubywax #askruby Do you think they'll ever repeat 'Girls on Top'? I loved that show!!
I hope not, we were not in our right minds.
miss musical @missmusical3
@Rubywax Do you think being in the public eye makes your mental health issues harder to deal with? #AskRuby.
It’s hard to deal with mental illness whatever eye you’re in; public or private. First, you feel you have to hide it and when you do get busted for having it they burn you at the stake metaphorically.
Pete Burns @PeteBurnsICON
@Rubywax what are your views on ECT #AskRuby
What works for one person can seriously screw up the next. I have friends who had Electro convulsive therapy and got over their depression then other’s who disappeared in a fog.
lee boyle @slowliving1
@Rubywax hey Ruby, would you recommend long-term medication for depression? #AskRuby
Who am I to say? Each man for him self. If you have a real mental disease (I don’t mean you’re a little sad) then I say you need as much as a diabetic needs insulin. I wouldn’t tell them to not take it and it’s the same with depression. With depression I’d add the therapy, you need both.
Kenny D-S @Kipplewinker
#AskRuby What is your favourite silent movie? #unusualquestionputtoacelebrity
“The Artist” . You didn’t even realize no one was moving their lips with no noise coming out.
May 28, 2014
Forgiveness Without Tears
I woke up this morning with that agony that fills your body when you're deep in the depths of despair. There are people who think emotional pain isn't as bad as physical pain but here's the rub, there's empirical evidence that physical pain and emotional pain are registered in the exact same region of the brain. In other words, your brain can't tell if you're suffering from heartache or someone stabbed you with a knife and both hurt.
My opinion is that the feeling comes first and then the mind scrapes around for some explanation (usually it's wrong.) It grabs anything that's happened or might happen, "I must be sad because no one answered my email. I feel heart-broken because my daughter didn't get a part in the school play. I hurt because someday I'm going to die. One of those must be the reason for my pain."
So I'm sitting there, literally because I'm doing 20 minutes of mindfulness. I can feel exactly where the pain arises accompanied by my mind working overtime to explain the pain; a part of me knows I'm just in pain and I'm filling in the blank as to why. It could be because of my pervious night's dream or some imagined horror or it could be because I'm slowly coming off my anti-depressants. I'm doing it because I know that there's a 65% chance of preventing relapse for those who practise mindfulness and want to see if I'm in that group. I may not be but for God's sake, I studied it, I should practise what I preach. P.S. I won't feel any shame if I have to go back on them as I know it's nothing personal, I just might be in the minority who need to be medicated.
Later that day, I was supposed to do a Pilate's class and inside I'm going, "No way. I can't do this." I dragged myself up anyway and went to the class. I tried to pay attention to the area I was exercising in my body without my mind dragging me back into endless rumination. To me Pilates is moving meditation in that you focus on a specific area in the body and automatically the voices get quiet. You can't be engaging one of your senses and having a chattering mind at the same time. I can feel how my mind wants to snare me back and I'm gently trying to take my focus back down into my body; it's like a battle.
Near the end of the class, the instructor did something she's never done before. She took hold of my entire leg and told me if it was OK to let it go, let her take the weight. Now, I don't usually trust anyone to take hold of any part of my body but I've known her for 20 years so I thought, "Ok, let's give it to her."
She held it and moved it without my muscles trying to grab it back for a change. Then she held the other leg and I have to say that this surrender, this feeling of being vulnerable was something I've never experienced before. When she placed both legs on the ground it occurred to me how I live my life contracting, holding onto my body most of the time to protect myself. It's similar to when you poke a starfish or insect and it retracts it's extremities. I imagine everyone, maybe without realizing, is holding onto them selves, clenching their muscles around them like armour and probably that constriction is reflected in the mind. Fear could be the reason we contract ourselves physically and mentally. I don't remember a time when I could just lie on the floor and not obey the impulse to get up. My mind usually grabs onto something I have to do immediately accompanied by shame if I just lie there and not move.
As I feel myself sinking into the ground, I get a feeling that slow waves of warm syrup are pouring through me. I then actually feel that burning you get around your eyes when tears well up. I I haven't felt this for decades, probably because of medication. When I start to congratulate myself for these feelings, I lose the sensation and go back into my head. Then when I focus inside again and get that feeling of nothingness, just drifting in warm water I start to hink this could be a sign of coming off medication, this could be that think called 'feelings.' If the sacrifice is to feel pain once in awhile, to get a hit of this sunlight might be worth it.
When I finally got up I realized I had to get to a party (as if the world would stop if I didn't go) a mere hour before getting on the train to Exeter to do my show. I got lost on the way in the car and dripping in sweat I found the venue. I thought it was going to be a small gathering but there was a large roomful of socialites (rich, blonde and thin) all sitting at tables listening to someone talking about the need to feed African people. I thought I was going to a birthday party. I had no idea we were there to save people. I gave my friend the birthday present anyway. (It wasn't her birthday). Everyone laughed thinking I did it to be funny. No, I did it because I didn't want to miss an event in case I would be forgotten. I had to hold myself back from giving myself a spurt of anger because I didn't stay on the floor and just calmly get up in time to catch my train. This becoming aware and breaking old habits is such a hard thing. I just try to forgive myself and think maybe, maybe next time I can stay on the floor a little longer.
My opinion is that the feeling comes first and then the mind scrapes around for some explanation (usually it's wrong.) It grabs anything that's happened or might happen, "I must be sad because no one answered my email. I feel heart-broken because my daughter didn't get a part in the school play. I hurt because someday I'm going to die. One of those must be the reason for my pain."
So I'm sitting there, literally because I'm doing 20 minutes of mindfulness. I can feel exactly where the pain arises accompanied by my mind working overtime to explain the pain; a part of me knows I'm just in pain and I'm filling in the blank as to why. It could be because of my pervious night's dream or some imagined horror or it could be because I'm slowly coming off my anti-depressants. I'm doing it because I know that there's a 65% chance of preventing relapse for those who practise mindfulness and want to see if I'm in that group. I may not be but for God's sake, I studied it, I should practise what I preach. P.S. I won't feel any shame if I have to go back on them as I know it's nothing personal, I just might be in the minority who need to be medicated.
Later that day, I was supposed to do a Pilate's class and inside I'm going, "No way. I can't do this." I dragged myself up anyway and went to the class. I tried to pay attention to the area I was exercising in my body without my mind dragging me back into endless rumination. To me Pilates is moving meditation in that you focus on a specific area in the body and automatically the voices get quiet. You can't be engaging one of your senses and having a chattering mind at the same time. I can feel how my mind wants to snare me back and I'm gently trying to take my focus back down into my body; it's like a battle.
Near the end of the class, the instructor did something she's never done before. She took hold of my entire leg and told me if it was OK to let it go, let her take the weight. Now, I don't usually trust anyone to take hold of any part of my body but I've known her for 20 years so I thought, "Ok, let's give it to her."
She held it and moved it without my muscles trying to grab it back for a change. Then she held the other leg and I have to say that this surrender, this feeling of being vulnerable was something I've never experienced before. When she placed both legs on the ground it occurred to me how I live my life contracting, holding onto my body most of the time to protect myself. It's similar to when you poke a starfish or insect and it retracts it's extremities. I imagine everyone, maybe without realizing, is holding onto them selves, clenching their muscles around them like armour and probably that constriction is reflected in the mind. Fear could be the reason we contract ourselves physically and mentally. I don't remember a time when I could just lie on the floor and not obey the impulse to get up. My mind usually grabs onto something I have to do immediately accompanied by shame if I just lie there and not move.
As I feel myself sinking into the ground, I get a feeling that slow waves of warm syrup are pouring through me. I then actually feel that burning you get around your eyes when tears well up. I I haven't felt this for decades, probably because of medication. When I start to congratulate myself for these feelings, I lose the sensation and go back into my head. Then when I focus inside again and get that feeling of nothingness, just drifting in warm water I start to hink this could be a sign of coming off medication, this could be that think called 'feelings.' If the sacrifice is to feel pain once in awhile, to get a hit of this sunlight might be worth it.
When I finally got up I realized I had to get to a party (as if the world would stop if I didn't go) a mere hour before getting on the train to Exeter to do my show. I got lost on the way in the car and dripping in sweat I found the venue. I thought it was going to be a small gathering but there was a large roomful of socialites (rich, blonde and thin) all sitting at tables listening to someone talking about the need to feed African people. I thought I was going to a birthday party. I had no idea we were there to save people. I gave my friend the birthday present anyway. (It wasn't her birthday). Everyone laughed thinking I did it to be funny. No, I did it because I didn't want to miss an event in case I would be forgotten. I had to hold myself back from giving myself a spurt of anger because I didn't stay on the floor and just calmly get up in time to catch my train. This becoming aware and breaking old habits is such a hard thing. I just try to forgive myself and think maybe, maybe next time I can stay on the floor a little longer.
May 21, 2014
Mindfulness - wake up and pay attention!
I just spent three days at an incredibly expensive hotel, which I would never have paid for but Ed (husband) won it in a raffle. I can only relax knowing that I'm not paying - it's part of my heritage. So I'm sitting here jaw-dropped, looking at a mile long drive, lined with gigantic horse chestnut trees, pastures of horses, a story book sky and what am I thinking? I'm thinking about how angry I am that someone in London fixing my bathroom has put in a shower tray rather than a flat-tiled floor. I'm sitting in this perfection, attempting to practise being mindful, focusing on the beauty before my eyes but no, I'm dragged back to the shower tray saga and getting more and more angry. I'm trying with all I've got to not hate myself for being so shallow. (The self-forgiveness is a big part of mindfulness). I try to bring my attention to the physical sensations of rage rather than dwell in my unanswerable ruminations on why the plumber is an idiot and I need to kill him.
If I concentrate on exactly where that feeling of anger is in my body, the words start to fade and change and even dissolve. At first I feel that old familiar burning ball in the middle of my stomach, my jaw-ache from the Reptilian grimace and the throbbing hot metal bar across my eyes. This sensation is as familiar to me as the taste of chocolate. It's so familiar I almost love the taste. It dawns on me, sitting in this blissful English setting, that maybe the shower tray isn't what's making me angry but my habit of feeling anger. Duh! Suddenly I realise that when the shower tray ordeal gets resolved, I'll replace it with another problem that pisses me off. I get it that I'm addicted to the feelings and the explanation (words )comes in later. How great it would be if I was in the habit of feeling joyful, I probably would have a stream of positive thoughts like, "Gee, aren't I lucky to be able to afford a shower tray?" Or "It's so great so-and-so didn't call me back, now have more 'me' time?"
What keeps me practising mindfulness is even though each time I'm face-to- face with my own heart of darkness, I know (see brain research) that I'm incrementally unwiring the neurons that lock me into my habits. I picture one neuron unwiring after another. This is just an image not an actuality). Even in my imagination, I have to be patient because we have 100 billion neurons so I know it takes time. I have to admit (a positive thought) that there has been progress. In the past, I would have hunted down the shower tray guy and torn him from limb to limb. About an hour later, I would have suffered the remorse that goes with the limb tearing. Then I'd be sick with a bad hang-over of the poison I just flung.
So, I sit here feeling of the anger change shape and intensity and with it the words that I have glued on. As I get some space in my brain rather than the red mist, I focus my attention on a branch of a tree in front of me. I really see it without commenting on it and gradually the thoughts demonically creep in, "Why did he put in a shower tray?" So, I gently send my focus back down again to the location of the anger and the words disperse and then back to the branch in its clarity and then the thoughts come back and this is mindfulness in action.
If I concentrate on exactly where that feeling of anger is in my body, the words start to fade and change and even dissolve. At first I feel that old familiar burning ball in the middle of my stomach, my jaw-ache from the Reptilian grimace and the throbbing hot metal bar across my eyes. This sensation is as familiar to me as the taste of chocolate. It's so familiar I almost love the taste. It dawns on me, sitting in this blissful English setting, that maybe the shower tray isn't what's making me angry but my habit of feeling anger. Duh! Suddenly I realise that when the shower tray ordeal gets resolved, I'll replace it with another problem that pisses me off. I get it that I'm addicted to the feelings and the explanation (words )comes in later. How great it would be if I was in the habit of feeling joyful, I probably would have a stream of positive thoughts like, "Gee, aren't I lucky to be able to afford a shower tray?" Or "It's so great so-and-so didn't call me back, now have more 'me' time?"
What keeps me practising mindfulness is even though each time I'm face-to- face with my own heart of darkness, I know (see brain research) that I'm incrementally unwiring the neurons that lock me into my habits. I picture one neuron unwiring after another. This is just an image not an actuality). Even in my imagination, I have to be patient because we have 100 billion neurons so I know it takes time. I have to admit (a positive thought) that there has been progress. In the past, I would have hunted down the shower tray guy and torn him from limb to limb. About an hour later, I would have suffered the remorse that goes with the limb tearing. Then I'd be sick with a bad hang-over of the poison I just flung.
So, I sit here feeling of the anger change shape and intensity and with it the words that I have glued on. As I get some space in my brain rather than the red mist, I focus my attention on a branch of a tree in front of me. I really see it without commenting on it and gradually the thoughts demonically creep in, "Why did he put in a shower tray?" So, I gently send my focus back down again to the location of the anger and the words disperse and then back to the branch in its clarity and then the thoughts come back and this is mindfulness in action.
May 18, 2014
#AskRuby 15 May 2014
Here's this week's #AskRuby in full. You can send me your questions by tweeting at me (@RubyWax) and tagging your questions #AskRuby.
aurnla @vghijkl
@Rubywax what is the best moment of your life? #AskRuby
Getting into and getting out of Oxford - meaning graduating and getting to wear the bat cape.
Julie Lockey @MadamJooJoo
@Rubywax do you think performing helps depression/anxiety or is mindfulness the tool to help you perform if that's what you love? #AskRuby
Performing has nothing to do with depression, it’s like saying does juggling help diabetes. It’s a disease, you can’t function whatever you do for a living, let alone stand on a stage.
Mindfulness helps me cool my engines before I go on stage so my nerves don’t eat me alive.
Lin Thomas @twitwitty
How can I convince my daughter that cognitive therapy is preferable to the drugs she's been taking for 6 years. #AskRuby
It isn’t preferable to drugs. If you have actual mental illness and not just moody; you need both. If drugs alone worked no one would have a relapse. CBT helps you recognize your thoughts might not be reality but only your habits of thinking.
becca moody @moodybecca
@Rubywax how did you build mindfulness into your daily life without forgetting about it? #AskRuby
It becomes like brushing your teeth, if I don’t do it, I get that red mist in my head, meaning I’m clogged with thoughts and not thinking clearly.
Also it helps me regulate my own madness. When I’m anxious but can’t do anything about it, like waiting in a queue, rather than kill the person in front of me, I just focus on breathing.
Sharon Hamblett @nerinecreations
@Rubywax #AskRuby just wondered as it's mental health week. Do you suffer from anxiety attacks and how do you deal with them?
I focus on the feeling rather than ruminating about why I’m anxious; there is never an answer, you just get more anxious. When you focus on raw sensation, the cycle of despair stops.
Kat @Kowareta_Doll
@Rubywax do you think mindfullness/compassionate focus is becoming the next CBT. Used to treat all even if it doesn't work for all #AskRuby
It doesn’t work for all - who says it does? Nothing works for all.
Fiona Beddow @FionaBeddow
@Rubywax #AskRuby I wondered what drew you to a neurochemical science degree instead of psychology-or maybe you've already got one of those!
To me we are who we are because of genes, neural connections, chemicals, mommy and daddy’s input, experiences and the culture we’re born into. Sometimes I think psychology might be the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and they may be totally wrong.
Mona @Lisalot82
@Rubywax #askruby if you've not been out of your house in ages, how do you manage to get out?
You can find Cognitive Based Therapy on the internet; find one you like but don’t give up. Or call ‘Sane’ or ‘Mind’.
@Rubywax #AskRuby How can I detect my reasons for hoarding and how can I fight depression by myself?
Get help for the depression, you can’t do it by yourself. Don’t even think about the hoarding until you’ve dealt with your depression. You can figure out the hoarding once you’re well because it’s a symptom of something much bigger.
Christopher Cheatle @Chrishaux 2h
#AskRuby My wife thinks you are very funny. Who makes you laugh more than most?
Joanna Lumley, Joanna Lumley and Joanna Lumley.
NHA Party @NHAparty
.@Rubywax Hi Ruby - are u worried about this govt's poor record on mental health? We are. It's a total mess: http://nhap.org/mental-health-mess-goverment/ … #AskRuby
Yes. The biggest problem gets the least amount of money. Do they think this is going to go away? Most of the world’s problems stem from mental illness why can’t they get this in their heads.
bebe sanders @bebesanders4
@Rubywax what positives does comedy bring to your life in relation to anxiety? #ask ruby
Mainly it causes anxiety to turn things to comedy or perform it. On the other hand you get a good feeling when people clap.
aurnla @vghijkl
@Rubywax what is the best moment of your life? #AskRuby
Getting into and getting out of Oxford - meaning graduating and getting to wear the bat cape.
Julie Lockey @MadamJooJoo
@Rubywax do you think performing helps depression/anxiety or is mindfulness the tool to help you perform if that's what you love? #AskRuby
Performing has nothing to do with depression, it’s like saying does juggling help diabetes. It’s a disease, you can’t function whatever you do for a living, let alone stand on a stage.
Mindfulness helps me cool my engines before I go on stage so my nerves don’t eat me alive.
Lin Thomas @twitwitty
How can I convince my daughter that cognitive therapy is preferable to the drugs she's been taking for 6 years. #AskRuby
It isn’t preferable to drugs. If you have actual mental illness and not just moody; you need both. If drugs alone worked no one would have a relapse. CBT helps you recognize your thoughts might not be reality but only your habits of thinking.
becca moody @moodybecca
@Rubywax how did you build mindfulness into your daily life without forgetting about it? #AskRuby
It becomes like brushing your teeth, if I don’t do it, I get that red mist in my head, meaning I’m clogged with thoughts and not thinking clearly.
Also it helps me regulate my own madness. When I’m anxious but can’t do anything about it, like waiting in a queue, rather than kill the person in front of me, I just focus on breathing.
Sharon Hamblett @nerinecreations
@Rubywax #AskRuby just wondered as it's mental health week. Do you suffer from anxiety attacks and how do you deal with them?
I focus on the feeling rather than ruminating about why I’m anxious; there is never an answer, you just get more anxious. When you focus on raw sensation, the cycle of despair stops.
Kat @Kowareta_Doll
@Rubywax do you think mindfullness/compassionate focus is becoming the next CBT. Used to treat all even if it doesn't work for all #AskRuby
It doesn’t work for all - who says it does? Nothing works for all.
Fiona Beddow @FionaBeddow
@Rubywax #AskRuby I wondered what drew you to a neurochemical science degree instead of psychology-or maybe you've already got one of those!
To me we are who we are because of genes, neural connections, chemicals, mommy and daddy’s input, experiences and the culture we’re born into. Sometimes I think psychology might be the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and they may be totally wrong.
Mona @Lisalot82
@Rubywax #askruby if you've not been out of your house in ages, how do you manage to get out?
You can find Cognitive Based Therapy on the internet; find one you like but don’t give up. Or call ‘Sane’ or ‘Mind’.
@Rubywax #AskRuby How can I detect my reasons for hoarding and how can I fight depression by myself?
Get help for the depression, you can’t do it by yourself. Don’t even think about the hoarding until you’ve dealt with your depression. You can figure out the hoarding once you’re well because it’s a symptom of something much bigger.
Christopher Cheatle @Chrishaux 2h
#AskRuby My wife thinks you are very funny. Who makes you laugh more than most?
Joanna Lumley, Joanna Lumley and Joanna Lumley.
NHA Party @NHAparty
.@Rubywax Hi Ruby - are u worried about this govt's poor record on mental health? We are. It's a total mess: http://nhap.org/mental-health-mess-goverment/ … #AskRuby
Yes. The biggest problem gets the least amount of money. Do they think this is going to go away? Most of the world’s problems stem from mental illness why can’t they get this in their heads.
bebe sanders @bebesanders4
@Rubywax what positives does comedy bring to your life in relation to anxiety? #ask ruby
Mainly it causes anxiety to turn things to comedy or perform it. On the other hand you get a good feeling when people clap.
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