Kelli Russell Agodon's Blog, page 3

Catching Up and Undoing the Art of Self-Sabotage

Welcoming Committee at my Writer's Residency
I promised 2 posts a month on this blog and I have honestly *just* been squeaking by. 

For the personal update (which I admit has been lacking from this blog), I came home from one residency in February (one, I was planning on documenting here, but haven't yet) then headed for Seattle the next day as one of Martha Silano's opening readers for her book launch (GRAVITY ASSIST!) at the fabulous poetry-only bookstore, Open Books to get a call from my husband that he was hurt and headed to the ER.

Some of you may know, my husband's a Seattle Firefighter, and during a drill he took a bad fall down a flight of stairs and ended up with a quad tendon rupture requiring surgery. Since that time, there has been a series of other things that have been going on in my life and people have said there has been a lot energy around me--but here's the thing about energy: energy is just energy until you put judgment on it. So I'm trying not to. And there have been some really magical moments--I mean magical, that I hope to share soon. But yes, there has been so much these last couple months.

A very smart woman said to me recently, "Life is just happening, don't take it personally." 

So it's been 2 months of a knockabout life and this is a long introduction to say: It's 3 am and I'm back at another writing residency disconnecting from social media and using this first day to catch up on everything I'd let slide over the last couple of months.

I have only been here a day and I'm already reminded about how much better life can be with huge moments of solitude. I haven't had many lately. I mean, I am working full-time at Two Sylvias Press and also the driver for my family since my husband can't drive due to his giant brace on his leg. And there has been so much going on, I just haven't been able to find time, or haven't had the energy to make time.

In fact, what I've seen is that in a time of stress, I (and maybe this is you too) reach for the easiest thing--social media, napping, TV/movies (guess who watched the whole series of Netflix's YOU--um, note: I started watching because I thought it was a happy show about a bookstore owner, I had no idea it was a psychological thriller--though the same thing happened to me with the film, A Simple Favor which I thought was just about a mommy blogger, similar to Julie & Julia), playing video games (or specifically "one video game." Something you may not know about me, I absolutely love the old Wii game Splatoon and still have on our TV), or just simply wasting time on the internet (aka looking at houses on the California coast you can't afford, shopping for things you don't need, doing "research" on anything from a couch to a new coffee pot). 

I realized the more I stressed I became the more: 

1) I slept (I literally came home every day after work and slept from 4-5 or 5-6, had dinner, then went to sleep again around 10 pm)

2) let things slide (many times email, always laundry, several To Do list things)

3) found a lot more moments to waste time--which at first didn't make sense to me, but I think my brain was just so overwhelmed and I was so tired, these little moments of bubblegum for the brain helped me through or maybe, I just needed to distract myself for a while. Sometimes I just stared out the window (nothing creepy to see here neighbors...)

But on the other side of those bad habits (note: napping is not a bad habit, I truly believe in the importance of sleep!) I need to acknowledge, there were a lot of things I did not let fall through. There were a ton of things I finished and did complete.

There is a reason for this. One of the things I see really make things worse for my fellow poets (and many time these are women) is self-sabotage. It's really something I try my best to avoid. And to be clear, this is in full regards to my art. I know I'm a skillful self-sabotager in other places of my life--mostly in regards to worry, irrational fears, and also putting my needs second to my family's (something I am actively trying to work on this year).

What but does "self-sabotage" really mean for me in regards to my art and how do I avoid it? It means, if my life is falling down around me, I will still put poetry, writing, and art first. If I made a commitment to a group of friends that I am going to submit my work once a week--I do. If I signed up to be in a group where I said, "Yes, I promise to show up and write a poem each day"--I do.  If a magazine writes to me with the proof of my poems and says they need the contract back in 3 days and they need my poems proofed--done.

Yes, my house may look like a ransacked mess. I may be pulling my clothes from laundry baskets or more so, the actual dryer. We may be having appetizers for dinner or I'm eating canned chili I found in the pantry. I may be driving and be so tired I have to pull over and sleep in a parking lot for 30 minutes before I get home. I may have a list of things I need to do, appointments I need to make, but when it comes to my writing life, I will be the worker bee as I love the honey, the sweetness poetry can grant me even in the toughest of time.

And I know for me, my writing is my place of flow. It's why I've been writing a poem-a-day since March (and only missed one day--Easter). It's where I can disappear from the world, or better, take my over-the-top, this-is-terrible life and turn it into art--I actually wrote a poem last month called "My Husband Falls Down a Flight of Stairs and Lives, and I Cut My Hair." Because all of this is fodder for our art. And sometimes the stress life is giving me actually makes my work better because it offers a tension in my poems--note: I am not asking for more stress and do not believe in creating drama or struggle for the sake of writing, I mean, if nothing was going on, I'd still be writing. BUT if life is going to be kooky, it's going to end up in my poems...

But I want to talk more about the self-sabotaging part of us, which can come up at any times, not just the times of stress and busyness, but all times.

There's a lot of undoing to self-sabotage. Most of it's being honest (sometimes harshly honest) with yourself if you see patterns emerging-- Do you always drop the ball an hour before the deadline? Do you let yourself off the hook with a "you wouldn't have won/been chosen/been published excuse after doing so? Do you not submit somewhere because you feel as if you're not "good enough?" Do you procrastinate then either don't do it or do it poorly? Do you make large generalizations about the literary world that validate your excuse not to try?

If any of these sound familiar to you, you may not be a member of your self-sabotage club, you may be the president.

For me, my realization of self-sabotage came when I realized I'd finish a poem, but then blow past deadlines to submit it. There's a book of places by Washington State poets edited by our poet laureate at the time, Tod Marshall, called WA 129. It has 129 poems from Washington State poets. But am I in it? Nope. Did I have a writing date with Martha Silano and write the poem? Absolutely. Did I take a moment to submit the poem? Nope. Are all of my friends in this book? Pretty much. Am I? Not one little word.

It was kind of an eyeopener. But I think it's good to check in with ourselves and our strengths and weaknesses as poets. I love to write, but for a long time, I wasn't so good at the submitting-your-work part. So I made myself accountable. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But am I seeing my art/writing as an opportunity to step it up and be more responsible to myself? Yeah, and that's kind of the first step.  


So yeah, that's where I been. Getting by and weirdly, strangely, writing and working through it. So it's late now, the sun will be rising and I'll be headed back to bed. I spent more time on this than I thought (I was in flow!) but I guess I have had a lot on my mind. 

And note: because I promised 2 posts a month here, you can expect another in the next two days. Worker bees get things done. 

Thanks for reading and hope you're finishing #NaPoWriMo on a high note!

Cheers to a happy and good news May! 



~ Kells
 ________________ 
 www.agodon.com 
www.twosylviaspress.comKelli Russell Agodon

www.facebook.com/agodon
www.twitter.com/kelliagodon

Catching Up and Undoing the Art of Self-Sabotage

Welcoming Committee at my Writer's Residency
I promised 2 posts a month on this blog and I have honestly *just* been squeaking by. 

For the personal update (which I admit has been lacking from this blog), I came home from one residency in February (one, I was planning on documenting here, but haven't yet) then headed for Seattle the next day as one of Martha Silano's opening readers for her book launch (GRAVITY ASSIST!) at the fabulous poetry-only bookstore, Open Books to get a call from my husband that he was hurt and headed to the ER.

Some of you may know, my husband's a Seattle Firefighter, and during a drill he took a bad fall down a flight of stairs and ended up with a quad tendon rupture requiring surgery. Since that time, there has been a series of other things that have been going on in my life and people have said there has been a lot energy around me--but here's the thing about energy: energy is just energy until you put judgment on it. So I'm trying not to. And there have been some really magical moments--I mean magical, that I hope to share soon. But yes, there has been so much these last couple months.

A very smart woman said to me recently, "Life is just happening, don't take it personally." 

So it's been 2 months of a knockabout life and this is a long introduction to say: It's 3 am and I'm back at another writing residency disconnecting from social media and using this first day to catch up on everything I'd let slide over the last couple of months.

I have only been here a day and I'm already reminded about how much better life can be with huge moments of solitude. I haven't had many lately. I mean, I am working full-time at Two Sylvias Press and also the driver for my family since my husband can't drive due to his giant brace on his leg. And there has been so much going on, I just haven't been able to find time, or haven't had the energy to make time.

In fact, what I've seen is that in a time of stress, I (and maybe this is you too) reach for the easiest thing--social media, napping, TV/movies (guess who watched the whole series of Netflix's YOU--um, note: I started watching because I thought it was a happy show about a bookstore owner, I had no idea it was a psychological thriller--though the same thing happened to me with the film, A Simple Favor which I thought was just about a mommy blogger, similar to Julie & Julia), playing video games (or specifically "one video game." Something you may not know about me, I absolutely love the old Wii game Splatoon and still have on our TV), or just simply wasting time on the internet (aka looking at houses on the California coast you can't afford, shopping for things you don't need, doing "research" on anything from a couch to a new coffee pot). 

I realized the more I stressed I became the more: 

1) I slept (I literally came home every day after work and slept from 4-5 or 5-6, had dinner, then went to sleep again around 10 pm)

2) let things slide (many times email, always laundry, several To Do list things)

3) found a lot more moments to waste time--which at first didn't make sense to me, but I think my brain was just so overwhelmed and I was so tired, these little moments of bubblegum for the brain helped me through or maybe, I just needed to distract myself for a while. Sometimes I just stared out the window (nothing creepy to see here neighbors...)

But on the other side of those bad habits (note: napping is not a bad habit, I truly believe in the importance of sleep!) I need to acknowledge, there were a lot of things I did not let fall through. There were a ton of things I finished and did complete.

There is a reason for this. One of the things I see really make things worse for my fellow poets (and many time these are women) is self-sabotage. It's really something I try my best to avoid. And to be clear, this is in full regards to my art. I know I'm a skillful self-sabotager in other places of my life--mostly in regards to worry, irrational fears, and also putting my needs second to my family's (something I am actively trying to work on this year).

What but does "self-sabotage" really mean for me in regards to my art and how do I avoid it? It means, if my life is falling down around me, I will still put poetry, writing, and art first. If I made a commitment to a group of friends that I am going to submit my work once a week--I do. If I signed up to be in a group where I said, "Yes, I promise to show up and write a poem each day"--I do.  If a magazine writes to me with the proof of my poems and says they need the contract back in 3 days and they need my poems proofed--done.

Yes, my house may look like a ransacked mess. I may be pulling my clothes from laundry baskets or more so, the actual dryer. We may be having appetizers for dinner or I'm eating canned chili I found in the pantry. I may be driving and be so tired I have to pull over and sleep in a parking lot for 30 minutes before I get home. I may have a list of things I need to do, appointments I need to make, but when it comes to my writing life, I will be the worker bee as I love the honey, the sweetness poetry can grant me even in the toughest of time.

And I know for me, my writing is my place of flow. It's why I've been writing a poem-a-day since March (and only missed one day--Easter). It's where I can disappear from the world, or better, take my over-the-top, this-is-terrible life and turn it into art--I actually wrote a poem last month called "My Husband Falls Down a Flight of Stairs and Lives, and I Cut My Hair." Because all of this is fodder for our art. And sometimes the stress life is giving me actually makes my work better because it offers a tension in my poems--note: I am not asking for more stress and do not believe in creating drama or struggle for the sake of writing, I mean, if nothing was going on, I'd still be writing. BUT if life is going to be kooky, it's going to end up in my poems...

But I want to talk more about the self-sabotaging part of us, which can come up at any times, not just the times of stress and busyness, but all times.

There's a lot of undoing to self-sabotage. Most of it's being honest (sometimes harshly honest) with yourself if you see patterns emerging-- Do you always drop the ball an hour before the deadline? Do you let yourself off the hook with a "you wouldn't have won/been chosen/been published excuse after doing so? Do you not submit somewhere because you feel as if you're not "good enough?" Do you procrastinate then either don't do it or do it poorly? Do you make large generalizations about the literary world that validate your excuse not to try?

If any of these sound familiar to you, you may not be a member of your self-sabotage club, you may be the president.

For me, my realization of self-sabotage came when I realized I'd finish a poem, but then blow past deadlines to submit it. There's a book of places by Washington State poets edited by our poet laureate at the time, Tod Marshall, called WA 129. It has 129 poems from Washington State poets. But am I in it? Nope. Did I have a writing date with Martha Silano and write the poem? Absolutely. Did I take a moment to submit the poem? Nope. Are all of my friends in this book? Pretty much. Am I? Not one little word.

It was kind of an eyeopener. But I think it's good to check in with ourselves and our strengths and weaknesses as poets. I love to write, but for a long time, I wasn't so good at the submitting-your-work part. So I made myself accountable. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But am I seeing my art/writing as an opportunity to step it up and be more responsible to myself? Yeah, and that's kind of the first step.  


So yeah, that's where I been. Getting by and weirdly, strangely, writing and working through it. So it's late now, the sun will be rising and I'll be headed back to bed. I spent more time on this than I thought (I was in flow!) but I guess I have had a lot on my mind. 

And note: because I promised 2 posts a month here, you can expect another in the next two days. Worker bees get things done. 

Thanks for reading and hope you're finishing #NaPoWriMo on a high note!

Cheers to a happy and good news May! 



~ Kells
 ________________ 
 www.agodon.com 
www.twosylviaspress.comKelli Russell Agodonwww.facebook.com/agodonwww.twit...

#AWP19: Need a break? My Favorite Things in Portland

Note: You can see this sign from the Old Town VooDoo Donuts and it's located at: 3rd Street between Burnside and Ankeny, if you're looking to do your own photoshoot. 


If you need a break from AWP and just want a few places to visit, here are a few of my favorite things in Portland.

Note: And if you're happy to walk, you can start at WildFang then head to the Trifecta to the Poet Introvert (if you do this, I'd suggest skipping Sizzle Pie and eating at the Teahouse), then end at VooDoo Donuts for Dessert all in order as they are all pretty much 





The Trifecta (I Read, I Wore, I Ate):
Powell's Books (biggest indie bookstore --yes, you must go here, the poetry section will blow your mind alone)
    1005 w. burnside st., Portland

Buffalo Exchange (across the street, cool consignment shop for men and women)
     1036 W. Burnside St., 

Sizzle Pie: Delicious pizza and salad and great for vegans/vegetarians
       926 W Burnside

How to do this? Go to Powell's until you're *just* about hungry. Then cross the street to Buffalo Exchange to pick up a cool vintage sweater, shirt, or hat. Once you're done, head over to Sizzle Pie for lunch (Pro tip: if it's sunny and they are busy, there is outside street seating all down the street (it may not look like their seating as it's a bit down, but it is.) 



The Poet Introvert (I Need Me/Quiet Time):

Lan Su Chinese Garden:  In the middle of this wild and weird city is one of the most beautiful secrets, this garden. This feels like a private, yet interactive, meditation room. Take all your anxiety and distress and watch it fade away here. This is probably my very favorite place in the city.

And if you visit here, you MUST eat at the Teahouse. Another incredible experience, the menu is a poem on its own. I have eaten most everything on this menu and have never been disappointed. This place is often overlooked, but it is truly one of Portland's gems. 

Pro Tip: Order the mooncake, no matter what.

Address: 239 NW Everett St, Portland,

The Sweet Tooth (I'm Hungry & I'm a Tourist):

VooDoo Donuts: You will hear that they are overrated especially from the locals, but this is the stop you make just before you leave so you can have donuts and feel as if you left nothing in Portland overlooked. 
22 SW 3rd Avenue

ProTip: BRING CASH, they do not take cards. 

Also, if you want shorter lines and a place to sit, hope a Lyft or Uber to: Voodoo DoughnutDavis –  1501 NE Davis Street, Portland-- across the bridge. Same donuts, less touristy location, shorter lines, places to sit, and a giant pink VooDoo mural outside in the parking lot to pose by.



Retail Therapy (Bring Your Inner Feminist to Your Outer Wardrobe):

Wildfang Clothing Store:
I put this last (or first depending if you want to go to all of these places) because it's a feminist clothing store and if you're not into cool clothing, this may not be your place. 
I have numerous items from here and I love them, their style, their mission, and supporting this store. Yes, things cost more because when you actually produce good clothes that do not hurt others, you sometimes pay a bit more. And they do a lot of good in the world, this is from their About Me page:

In 2013, we set out to create a home for badass womxn everywhere. It started with the “radical” belief that a womxn has the right to wear whatever the hell she wants and be whoever the hell she wants.

And speaking of rights, in 2018 alone, we raised over $400k for charities that support reproductive, immigrant, and women’s/human rig
I think they are incredible, and I've already got several dozen Seattle friends addicted to their stuff (and I know it's working because I got a Carrie Fisher candle for my birthday!)

1230 SE Grand Ave, Portland
ProTip: When in doubt, get the WILD FEMINIST t-shirt. 
______________________


Final thoughts on Portland:

Portland is one of my favorite cities. It usually warmer than Seattle (though always have layers on and a warm jacket) and if you're looking for material to write about, it's all around you. Old Town Portland is probably my favorite part of the city and gritty and fun, it's relatively safe but be aware and keep your face out of your iPhone, and there is always a lot going on. 

The NW has a huge homeless problem that we are trying to make better, but you will see it firsthand. If you have never been here, you may be shocked. If you live here, you may have huge opinions about it. But it's something I just want to share here so you realize--yes, we see it, we know it's an issue, but neither Portland or Seattle has really created any solution to what is happening and the rising cost of living in the Northwest isn't making anything better. But if I gave you this info without acknowledging it, I wouldn't feel right because it is a huge part of our cities.

I find whenever I'm in Portland and especially in Old Town, someone interacts with me--all the interactions have ended up okay, but there have been some odd moments (Note: not all the interactions have been homeless/drug user related, there is just an energy to this city I can't describe, but it usually shows itself by feeling as if you're in one big impromptu improv event.)

An example of what I'm talking about is once I was standing at a crosswalk and a man jumps out of nowhere, puts a cup of "water" ?? (I hope) over the head of a friend I was with and then directly in front of my face and yells, "You are hypnotized!" before deciding we were not hypnotized and wandering away. While these moments make me laugh afterward, the "that was weird" part of the trip, they remind me to tell you to keep your eyes open and do travel with a buddy, especially if you're a woman.

Again, I have been to Portland numerous times without incident, but every. single. time. It's something. Someone wants to dance with me on a sidewalk, someone is yelling something my direction from across the street, someone is shouting "let me hold your kneecap" out a car window, someone is blowing bubbles at everyone who passes by, someone has decided to ask random people their favorite type of shoe. It's both inspiring and tiring. It's "I'll use this in a poem" and "I think we're done here." 

So if you're from a small town or a city where people keep to themselves, this may feel different and maybe a bit uncomfortable. 

But there is also someone willing to help you, offer ideas of where to eat, and point you in the right direction. The people of Portland have always come through for me. And it's why I keep coming back.

Ultimately, be safe. Have fun. Make good choices. 


~ Kells 
________________ 
 www.agodon.com 
www.twosylviaspress.comKelli Russell Agodon

www.facebook.com/agodon
www.twitter.com/kelliagodon

AWP 2019: Tips from an Introvert #AWP2019 #AWPTips

Someone once told me I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies. Read: I need alone time, but I am friendly.

AWP has a way of playing a number on people like me. We love meeting other poets, but we get tired and overwhelmed easily. Sometimes we may overhug people in awkward moments (been there, done that.) 


Here is a visual of my energy. This is why AWP can get overwhelming...



As someone who has a love/hate relationship with AWP, let me share a few of my secrets as someone who has been attending on and off since 2004.

1) Know your limits and be honest about them: For me, this is saying, "I can't make any definite plans, but if you find yourself free, text me." 

What this means is, I don't know what I'm going to feel until the moment, so while I love you and want to spend time with you, I may make 1 or 2 definite dates, but mostly, I will need to play the entire conference by ear. Sometimes I just need to rest (read: hide) in my hotel room. Sometimes I actually want to go out. But I don't know until that very exact moment it's happening.

Text me and ask, "Hey, you free? Want to meet me at X" and I will be there or I will be in my hotel room resting. 



2) Decide on a few things to do (or not) but leave room for the magic.

There was one AWP, I went to a panel for the entire day. Sometimes, I'd find myself in a panel I hated and I'd think, "well, I'm stuck here." Note: You are never stuck anywhere. If you aren't sure you want to be somewhere--sit in the back near a door. Have a second option to attend if your first doesn't work out.

But also, don't make plans. !

I know, who would say that? But some of my best moments happened just because I wasn't sitting in a room listening, but I was wandering around the bookfair. All of sudden, there is the poet of my dreams and s/he/they are signing books. Heart stops. My moment. 

Had I been sitting in a panel that was average, I would have missed it. So let synchronicity happen.


3) Speaking of the bookfair-- The bookfair has become SO LARGE, you actually need to spend A LOT of time there... AND it's worth it.

Here's why--while sitting in on a panel, may feel like "wow, I am learning important things," walking around a bookfair actually connects you with people and publishers and poets and presses. You will make connections, you will learn about the presses you want to publish you, and you will meet the editors behind the scenes.

This is SO important as a poet or writer. You will have the opportunity to hold the books they publish, look at the covers, read the words and decide if this is a press you'd want to have publish your work. 

So take the time. Buy books. Support presses and poets. Look at the books and educate yourself in what kind work presses publish. Ask questions. Present your best self. Be professional. Learn about all the presses and what they do.


4)  Trust your instincts.  You will meet poets that you immediate like and you will meet writers who make you feel bad about yourself. Know the difference. There will be times when poets say weird things or hug you one too many times--understand, that is our awkwardness in full-force and it's not meant to be weird, it's just people who aren't used to large events trying to appear "normal"--these people are okay. But know, there are people who don't want the best for you, who make you feel ugly and small--stay away from them. In fact, run away, and know that's their stuff and not yours.


5) JOMO!: It's okay to hang out in your room by yourself or to hang with your roommate or a friend or two. JOMO means "the joy of missing out"--it's okay *not* to be at every reading or event. It's okay to say at 8 pm, "Well, it's my bedtime."

Several times, I've walked away from "elite" parties, from the who's-who's in poetry to order room service in my room with a few good friends. Yes, I missed out meeting Miss Fancypants and I missed out on meeting the man with the good hair who could publish my book. Who cares.

Some of us just don't network. It's okay. You don't have to. You don't have to dance with gross people to get a book contract and you don't have to blow smoke up the ass of someone you don't like. You can actually attend AWP, hang with your friends, buy a few books, learn about a few presses, and be okay.

One of my favorite memories is celebrating a friend's birthday in our hotel room. They comped us champagne, I learned Cobb Salad is my favorite "go-to" food and we ate dessert in 2 queen sized beds. My fedora ended up in the window on the champagne bottle.

So know, if you skip "the party of the year" as my friend used to say in high school--it's okay. You missed nothing. Because you don't have to be everywhere and with everyone. Sometimes it's just better to kick back and "miss out." And sometimes, that's really where the joy is.


6) You may question what you are doing as a poet/writer, feel out of place, feel inadequate, feel as if no one likes you, etc--all of that is normal and most of that is in your head.

AWP is a lot to take in. If you are a sensitive type like me, you may feel like "what am I doing here?" and "I really do not fit in." First--you do. And second, "we are here because we are writers and we love books and creating."

Once when I was at AWP DC, all my Seattle friends were out and on dates, so I found myself completely alone in a DC hotel bar. I was like the sad dog who wandered around but couldn't find her pack so she sat at the bar alone (wait, dogs don't do that...) I felt awkward and alone. This was really before FB or any time where I could do a bizarre post--Hey, I'm alone at the south end of the bar, I'll buy you a drink if you cure my loneliness..." 

Someone I knew saw me and said, "Hey come sit with us." I did and immediately spilled my wine like a big loser, but she laughed and cleaned it up. No one made me leave for being a klutz. I sat and talked about nametags and listened to stories. I felt not alone.

So I guess I include this to say--you may find yourself alone, but you are not alone.

AND if you see someone who is alone, invite them in.

Also (pro-tip here): have a list of phone numbers of friends to call/text who may find themselves in similar positions. Say "text me if you're falling apart" or "text me if you need a friend."

Sometimes, even not being there in person is enough, just getting notes from someone that says, "hey, I love you" or "You've got this" or "Maybe an early bedtime?" ;-) Even if you're alone, but you're connecting with someone--even on your phone, you feel less alone.

And that matters.

So there we are. My tips.

Also, eat well and drink water. Be kind and polite. Do not misdirect your anger/uncomfortableness/fear onto anyone else. Talk to people, but don't take up their whole day. Have meaningful moments. Do AWP the way that is best for you. Take care of yourself and if that means reading your room alone, that is absolutely fine.

And mostly, DO NOT look at others' nametags when you're talking to someone because it feels if you don't want to be there and you're looking for someone better.

So as they Stephen Still says, "love the one you're with."

Happy AWP, friends. Be kind, be supportive, and get your rest! It will all be okay.

P.S. If you are from a state that does not have legal marijuana and you decide to partake, do *not* eat the whole cookie. Only a small piece of any edibles at first. They can be pretty strong... Otherwise, have fun, friends. 

xo
~ Kells 
________________ 
 www.agodon.com www.twosylviaspress.comKelli Russell Agodon

www.facebook.com/agodon
www.twitter.com/kelliagodon

In Answer to "Will I Review/Share Your Book on my Blog" -- Book Reviews/Blog Features

Dear Friends,

I started getting this question a lot since I've restarted my blog:
"Will you feature/share my book on your blog?"

My most honest answer is--I don't know. I can give you a definite maybe.

I love to read and discover new books, new poets, new writers, but I can't guarantee if you send me something it will end up on my blog. I may try to do an every-so-often "Mail Call" where I photograph books and post them here. I'm trying to figure out the best way to share poets without losing my time/mind in doing so. Share books but keep it simple, needs to be my motto here! 


But if you want to send me your book, you can. If you want to add me to your review copy list, please do.

Presses or poets are welcome to send me review copies anytime to this address:

Kelli Agodon
PO Box 1524
Kingston, WA 98346


I can't guarantee anything, but if you want to send it my way, feel free.


Will be thinking more about this! Thanks for your interest and understanding. 


~ Kells
 ________________ 
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www.twosylviaspress.comKelli Russell Agodon

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What I Reading & Watching...Recommendations!

Due to snow and me also being home sick, I've read and watched a lot more than normal.

Here are a few of my favorite finds--

What I've Read:



Beth Ann Fennelly's HEATING & COOLING: 52 Micro-Memoirs

I love books I can just sit down with and finish --or-- read a couple little of these vignettes a day. Thoroughly enjoyed this book. Beth Ann is funny, poignant, and seems like someone you just want to hang out with. (Note: I did meet her at AWP one year and she was just wonderful--that kindness and graciousness comes through in her writing.) She has always been one of my favorite poets, so this was just a treat to read. I love how she looks at life and brings it onto the page. 




SYCAMORE by Kathy Fagan

Now to be honest, this was a reread for me, I read Sycamore a few months after it came out (it came out from Milkweed Press, March 2017), but I haven't put it back on the shelf yet and every once in a while, I open it up and read it from front to back. Kathy Fagan makes me want to live in her poems. Kathy is also poignant yet funny. She is smart with sound, wordplay, and yet, her craft and narrative and style always keeps you grounded and enjoying the moment.



Movies/Documentaries/TV:



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The Big Sick (free streaming on Amazon Prime)
I could probably watch anything Kumail Nanjiani is in. But this film, based on his real life was just a great way to spend the evening. And even though it's called The Big Sick, it's not depressing and sad, actually thoughtful and charming is how I'd describe it.

The movie is based on how a true-life experience that happened between him and his wife, Emily V. Gordon, who did get sick in real life. (By the way, I saw an interview with Kumail and Emily, and she is absolutely adorable --here they are on CBS Sunday Morning (which is another favorite show of mine)



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Right now, my favorite documentary is BILL MURRAY STORIES: Life Lessons Learned from a Mythical Man. It's based on all the "urban legends" of Bill Murray stories--crashing a wedding, showing up at party, etc. etc.

If you like Bill Murray or just want to think about living you life in a more playful, whimsical manner, you'll enjoy this. Currently, my favorite movie I've seen this year. And it's free and streaming on Netflix.




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Grace & Frankie: Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin crack me up. I've watched all 5 seasons and Season 6 coming in 2020. We need more shows featuring older women living their lives. I adore these two. 




YOU: also streaming on Netflix, a Netflix original. Freakin' creepy, but I'm still watching. I started watching because I thought it was about a bookstore owner. It is! But dang, he's dark and not just poet-dark, but watch-your-back dark. His love interest is a writer, so I appreciate the literary aspect of this. Only on Episode 4, we'll see if I make it through the whole series. 



~ Kells
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Waiting for the World to Melt: Snowpocalypse in the NW = Impromptu Writing Retreat

So... after calling Cliff Mass our local (and probably best) meteorologist, "Cliff Mass Hysteria" because everyone in the Northwest was freaking out about the upcoming snowstorm, I realize, I underestimated the amount of snow we would get and how long many of us would be stuck in our homes.

Oops.

Seattle is easy to make fun of because of how we react to the snow (I mean, I've been making fun of us all week), but I saw this visual on Twitter (I wish I knew who made it) and it kind of explains why snow shuts down the region--



We have a ton of hills and microclimates. We aren't prepared for any of this. I haven't gotten mail since last Friday. There have been no deliveries in my neighborhood of any kind--FedEx, Amazon, UPS. My Blue Apron order is stuck in Oregon. And I'm working from home. 

Now, if I were a normal person, all this lack of connection and the ability to leave my house may wear me down. But I am not your normal person, I am a poet, so for me, this snowstorm meant I was just given empty days to work on my poems and manuscript.

To me, this week has felt like a writing retreat. Since Friday I have woken up and read or revised my manuscript. I have lived in lounge pants and thermal shirts. I have napped when I wanted and snacked my way through the day. I took a few walks but mostly, moved around the house thinking about titles for my manuscript, making notes in journals, and sitting down with my printed copy of my manuscript and making notes through it.

Today and yesterday, because we pretty much knew we weren't going to make it to work, I did Two Sylvias tasks, such as design a book cover and write some prompts for our April NaPoWriMo event. I ate chili and for dessert had dark chocolate chips and peanut butter on a spoon--ah yes, my glamorous life.

But here's the thing, how often does the world grant us time?

I'm sorry Seattle, it's going to snow hard and you are all going to have stop what you're doing and stay home. You just can't leave the house, most of us can't. So enjoy. Read. Write. Do all the things you say you never have enough time to do. Go for a walk, it's gorgeous out. Play a board game. Do a jigsaw puzzle. Make popcorn and watch a movie on the couch. Nap. 

I know if I had to be somewhere--catch a flight, had a family member in the hospital, etc--this would be a different story. But my life is basically portable right now. We planned to work from home if there was snow, we are. I have enough food to last me another week--I mean, right before the snow started I stopped by my mum's and she gave me 12 cans of tuna fish, I kind of feel set for anything.

And while my emergency preparation skills leave much to be desired (I was the one who bought pistachios, potatoes, and swiss cheese for the big snow event and not much else--though Friday morning after seeing a few snowflakes and thinking--um, I may be screwed-- I did drive up and buy 25 logs for our woodstove "just in case"), I realize, I am actually quite happy at home working on poems. 

And my auto insurance deductible isn't worth me trying to drive somewhere right now. So I'm settled in with my stash of pistachios and yesterday we found those gold chocolate coins someone had put in my stocking in December in the pantry and I thought--it's a late Christmas miracle!

So yeah, that's my update. I'm still here. I'm writing and waiting for this to pass. But otherwise, happy and revising. Otherwise, waiting for the world to melt. 



xo
~ Kells 
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Love Letter Contest: Winner Receives a Tiffany & Co. Paloma Picasso Love Ring (No Fee & Deadline April 30, 2019)

I get a ton of press releases, announcements, and emails about new books, but every once in a while, one stands out.

This one stands out for a few reasons--the first is a "Win a Tiffany & Co. ring" got my attention.
The second is there is no fee to enter.
Third, the authors connected the contest with their new book (which came out yesterday)
Fourth, all I had to do was cut and paste!
While I was posting this to share an opportunity, I also realize the smart marketing behind this and appreciate that as well.

Anyway, authors thinking outside the box and you can win a Tiffany ring if you write the best letter, a win/win.



IS YOUR LOVE LETTER SWOON-WORTHY ENOUGH TO WIN A TIFFANY RING?New York Times Best-Selling Authors Share Tips to Win The 2019 Love Letter Contest In the era of online dating, Cupid's age-old trappings like hand-written love notes have fallen by the wayside. But this timeless display of affection will never go out of style. Given the rarity, a love letter could be just what you need to win over that crush, rekindle the romance, or even show your squad-love for Galentine's Day. When was the last time you told someone you loved how you really felt?  Where do you even begin?
Luckily, expert writers Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek have your back.   This husband and wife team of New York Times best-selling authors are sharing insight and advice to communicating love in the digital age.  
Whether it's platonic or romantic, Heyn and Marek will show your audience secrets to crafting the perfect love letter, the three things every lover note must have, and the complexity of communicating love in the age of Tinder. They also have examples of hilarious "worst ever" letters that encourage the audience to respond with their own "worst evers."

ABOUT THE 2019 LOVE LETTER CONTEST:
To celebrate the release on Feb 5 of their new book, How to Fall in Love, Heyn and Marek are on a nationwide search to find the perfect love letter. The 2019 Love Letter Contest runs until April 30, it is totally free to enter, and the winner will be announced on May 15. 

The winner will receive:
A rose-gold Tiffany Paloma Picasso Love Ring  (valued at $500).A framed, gorgeously hand-written copy of their letter.Your winning letter shared (if the winner chooses) with our entire social network.Participating is easy. All you need to do is:
Bare your soul in writing (okay, that part might not be all that easy).Send your love letter to us at thestoryplant@thestoryplant.com.That's it! (You might, of course, want to share the love letter with the person you were writing it to, but that's entirely up to you.)To see the complete set of contest rules, click HERE.



ABOUT AUTHORS DALMA HEYN & RICHARD MAREK:Husband and wife team Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek are the authors of How to Fall in Love. Heyn is the author of the New York Times best-seller The Erotic Silence of the American Wife, Marriage Shock and Drama Kings.  Her books, published in 35 countries, have been best-sellers both here and abroad. Richard Marek is one of the most accomplished book editors and publishers of his generation, working with writers James Baldwin, Thomas Harris, and Robert Ludlum, among many others. He is the author of Works of Genius and has ghostwritten a number of best-sellers.ABOUT THE BOOK, HOW TO FALL IN LOVE:
Releasing February 5 from The Story Plant,  How to Fall in Love  is a provocative love story for the digital age. The story opens when Cupid, the once-revered god of love, learns the heavens are downsizing and he will be let go. In the age of Tinder and online dating, his job is deemed expendable. Cupid manages to buy a little bit of time by asking for one more chance to show that he can orchestrate a love for the ages . . . but the clock is ticking.  Will Cupid be able to prove his worth before it's too late?  

~ Kells
 ________________
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During the Super Blood Wolf Moon Lunar Eclipse, I Find Myself in a Poem

I watched the lunar eclipse on Sunday and it always amazes me how much lunar events get my adrenalin flowing. I was actually trying to watch an episode of Friends from College, but once the lunar eclipse it was immediately forgotten and all lights were turned out.

I was taking photos of the moon through my telescope with my iPhone. We brought the telescope outside and the moment I looked up, a shooting star. It was one of those moments where everything feels perfectly choreographed for my bliss. 

When the moon turned red, so many more stars appears and everything had that crisp look which is hard to explain but the night sky felt as if someone had used the "sharpen" tool in Photoshop, making sure each pinprick of light was detailed and perfectly placed.

As the eclipse went on, I thought--I should be writing. I have this weird superstition about monumental moments--New Year's Eve, lunar eclipse, birthdays, solstice, Day of the Dead, etc--that I should be writing on these days because it's a nod to the universe that yes, this is my passion and if you see me writing on these days, it means it's what I should be doing with my life (and hey universe, if you see this, send me some good luck and inspiration too). 

I realize this doesn't really make any sense, but it's a strange belief I've carried since I was younger. On New Year's, let me start the year by reading a poem or writing one, on my birthday, let me be laughing so it carries on through the year.

But during the lunar eclipse, I realized that even though I wasn't physically writing a poem, I was experience one. I was in the middle of a poem looking out. Insert shooting star. Insert the moment you hear your neighbors laugh because they are out on their patio with a drink watching as well. Insert telescope zooming on a crater. 

I now want to write the poem to create the feeling I had on Sunday. I want to be lost in a poem and not know it's a poem. Maybe that's life. Maybe it's when we're mindful. Maybe this is something I need to think about more when the reader is reading my poem, is she lost in the poem and looking out, shooting star filled, or is she just lost? 

Who knows if we are the poet or our life is the poem? Who cares to find out?

To future lunar events, 
xo


~ Kells ________________ 
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From the Time Machine: Notes from a Talk with Poet Mary Oliver (April 2008)

With the recent death of Mary Oliver, here's a blog post I did in 2008 about a small lecture I attended with Mary Oliver at Pacific Lutheran University...





NOTES FROM THE TALK AND READING WITH MARY OLIVER AT PLU - EARTH DAY 2008Finally, my notes from the Mary Oliver talk and reading on April 22nd, 2008 at Pacific Lutheran University.

The Talk-- Mary Oliver & The Writer's Story--

First, Mary Oliver's talk was fantastic. It wasn't really advertised to the public and so there were only 40 of us in the room. Mostly students, some alumni, some professors, but there were more empty chairs than not.

If you remember, only a few months ago the Mary Oliver in Seattle was sold out and people were asking if they could come dressed as a tree and stand in back. Oh, if only these people had Google alert or were on the Mary Oliver mailing list because, well, they missed out...again.

The talk was an audience participation Q&A. It started out with crickets (no one wanting to talk and the pressure of the first question), but once it started rolling, questions were asked for about an hour and Mary thoughtfully answered them.

Here are what notes I have from the talk--

First question "How did you come into writing poetry?"

The answer was that her life wasn't perfect and "I needed another world than what I was living in...the world of nature, the world of poetry...and I cherished the top that I could do something myself."

She said it was her 3rd book where she felt she had finally achiever her own voice.

The problem with poets? "They think of it as a profession instead of a calling...it takes a long time to get a voice."

How she feels about changing the facts in poems or writing things that aren't true--

"Since gender didn't matter, I changed "sister" to "brother" in one of my poems and I don't have a brother, but the imaginary fiction served the poem."

Her said, "Your own story really isn't so important." (What's important is the story of the poem.)

Other quotes--

"Poetry is politics, too."

"There is a connection with holiness because when you are alone with nature, you're with something greater than yourself."

"There's a part of us that is beyond the material."

*

She is awake every morning. She said, "I missed one day this year of sunrise--I want to see the sun come up."

* * *

I asked her about what her writing schedule was and if she wrote every day.

She said, "I believe very much in discipline." She also believes in the scheduling of writing and keeping a notebook. She says as poets we must be "attentive to everything in this world." "The more attentive we are, the more alive we are."

* * *

When someone asked "Why should we read or write poetry since it's not read by many?"

Mary Oliver replied, "Why breathe, why laugh, why love?"

"There is something in us poems give comfort, healing to. They give a way to praise. It is an enrichment to one's life and perhaps [by reading and writing poetry] we'll get kinder."

"I try to write poems that give comfort. I try to write very accessible so more people can understand them, feel it as their own experience."

"Poetry has an absolute intellectual & spiritual effect on people."

To the question "Why write poems?" -- "What else are we going to do?"

* *

When asked how to be a better poet she said, "read it [your poem] as if you haven't written it. Read the poem as if you haven't seen it before."

* *

To what is your revision process--

"I write quicker and cleaner now than I ever did, but I still throw things out. . .I go through 40 drafts of a poem."

She said she uses a computer last because "A computer makes it look too good before it is done."

She said, "Know your process." And "I kill adjectives and commas--I want it to work faster. Adjectives are egotistical, they want to be noticed. Study what you've done to see if it works or not."

* *

When asked about who she reads she said that "Whitman was the finest poet this country's had." Also reads Keats, Shelley, Blake, Yeats, Robert Bly, Neruda, Galway Kinnell, and others.

* * *

Question: What is your definition of a great poem?

Her answer "One that has endured."

* * *

On her book "Thirst" she said, "I was trying to voice my won quest for the feeling and the wanting."

She said, "I think there are many divine sense that we get things from."

* * *

Question: As a poet, what's your biggest regret?

Answer "I don't' have any." She said she is very happy with her life as a poet and living with her art. She said, "Art is an essential hallway into a spiritual life."

* * *

Question: What did you have to give up?

Mary Oliver: "I never looked or thought I'd get material things. I had a $100 car I used to stop by hitting a brick wall...it was a wonderful life."

(BTW, that wasn't said sarcastically, she loved her life as a young poet.)

* * *

Many many more people came for the reading which filled their theatre. We had tickets for the "overflow" room, where we watched her live on a giant screen (no fooling-- we referred to it "smell-o-vision"). She answered questions after the reading to the audience, but they were more likely to be short answers and nothing as thoughtful as she gave to the students.

While the reading was lovely, I found her talk absolutely incredible and inspiring to me as writer. I left feeling full and satisfied (and it wasn't just from the delicious Italian restaurant we ate at or the Tiramisu). A fantastic night and I was thankful to have my three wonderful friends there to share it with me.

A joyous ride home in the rain and the question to all,

"Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life..."
~ Kells 
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www.twosylviaspress.comKelli Russell Agodon

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