Mona Hodgson's Blog, page 4

12 Go-To Helps When Heartache Hits

Friends, heartache hits all of us. At one time or another.

Sometimes it feels like we’re still riding one wave of heartache when another wave hits. Seems like we may never again glimpse a peaceful shoreline.

If we live long enough you and I will stare down many harbors of heartache. The burial of a loved one. Betrayal. The loss of a career. A chronic illness. Financial disaster. The list is long.

If we live long enough you and I will stare down many harbors of heartache.
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Right now you might feel stuck in a season of sorrow. Or have a friend who is camped in a hurting place. This resource is for you.

When we’re facing mountains of mourning, having a plan of action in place can help. Think of a list of practical options as a necessary distraction filled with purpose and promise.

While there are no quick fixes for heartache, this is me coming alongside you with 12 suggestions or helps for reducing the sadness, even if it’s only for a little while, one session at a time.

While there are no quick fixes for heartache, this is me coming alongside you with 12 suggestions for reducing the sadness, even if only for a little while.
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1. Adjust Your Schedule. You may need to give yourself some space to process the present and prepare for your next steps. Choose perspective over productivity.

When faced with mountains of morning, choose perspective over productivity.
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2. Rest Yourself. Grieving is emotionally and physically draining. Lack of sleep can cheat you during seasons of stress, so give yourself permission to sleep in or take a nap.

3. Focus on Prayer. Take your heartache to God in prayer. You might try writing out your prayers. Even when you can’t find words, go to God in prayer. In Romans 8:27, we have the promise of One who intercedes for us–the Holy Spirit.

4. Take Your Grief Outside. Go for a walk. Sit in the shade or in the sun with a hat on and breathe in some fresh air. A change of scenery can serve as a healthy distraction or redirection.

5. Retreat With Your Bible. Water your spiritual roots with promises from God’s Word.

Water your spiritual roots with promises from God's Word.
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For encouragement and spiritual fortitude meditate on Scripture. These five verses are a good place to start.

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” Colossians 4:2

“If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5

6. Turn On Some Tunes. When you can’t find your voice to sing, truth-full music can soothe a sad soul. Here are three songs you might check out: Hills and Valleys by Tauren Wells, Tell Your Heart to Beat Again by Danny Goeke, and Trust in You by Lauren Daigle.

7. Choose Silence. Over-stimulation can sneak up on us, especially when our hearts are heavy. Turn off the TV and timers. Put your phone on do-not-disturb mode. Choose silence, for at least 10 minutes. Thirty minutes of silence can bring even more peace with the quietness.

8. Recruit Prayer Partners. When people know you’re hurting, they long to help. Ask them to pray for you. Knowing others are standing with you in prayer will provide the support you need the most.

9. Try Something New. You may not have the head-space for this until more time passes but when you’re able. look for a creative outlet. Rock art, watercolor, knitting, playing an instrument, join a book club–something that will make a way for expression and distraction.

When sorrow hits you may not have the head-space for this until more time passes but when you're able, look for a creative outlet.
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10. Ask For Help. God doesn’t design us to do life alone. Don’t hesitate to seek godly counsel from wise women in your circle of friends. And don’t count out going to a Christian counselor or joining a support group.

11. Forgive. Friends, family, and strangers, no doubt well-meaning, will hand out platitudes like they were breath mints to cure something as simple as bad breath. Don’t let wounding words frustrate you and fester, forgive.

12. Practice Gratitude. Keep a list in your phone of people and things you are thankful for. Add to the list at least once a day.

“I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.” Psalm 16:7

Gratitude and offering praise shifts our focus from the circumstance to our sovereign God who is at work in and through our heartache.

 

Four other posts you might find helpful . . .

9 Psalms to Bolster You on a Bad Day

When Your Plans Go Sideways: 3 Secrets to Finding Your Feet Again

12 Verses to Pray Over a Hurting Friend

7 Truths for Stabilizing Your Steps into the Unknown

One more thing . . . I’d be grateful if you would share this post with someone you know who is hurting?

The post 12 Go-To Helps When Heartache Hits appeared first on Mona Hodgson.

Embracing Your Values Cuts Out the Confusion

Am I the only one who has broken out into a sweat while trying to spit out a “No” and hold back a “Yes”? Sometimes getting it right feels…impossible.

You and I have recently crossed the threshold into a whole new year of decision making. Sigh! January provides a timely motivation to review what’s most important to us and why our values matter. That’s why I’m offering you another look at a popular post from last year, written by Becky Turner, a Personal Coach and Coach for Non-Profit Executives.

Becky Turner speaks into our decision-making process with some tips on how to cut out the confusion and angst when it’s time to voice our yes or no.

Blogger: Becky Turner

Embracing Your Values Cuts Out the Confusion 

I remember when it was a huge fashion faux pas to go out in public and not have your shoes match your purse.

Brown heels meant a brown handbag. Silver slides meant a silver clutch. White flip flops meant a white tote bag.

If time got away from me and I didn’t have time to change my purse, I was usually doing it in the car. And then heaven forbid if I showed up to an event with unmatched accessories. I felt totally not put together. I felt disconnected.

I encountered this same feeling in my late 20s when my daily activities did not line up with who I was or wanted to be.

I was busy doing lots of things but they were not things that mattered most to me. I was closing the deal but not taking the time to call my mom. I was getting the 3 mile run in but had no time to read the Bible. I was buying what was in front of me never thinking about the auto insurance bill due in a month and for sure not thinking about my retirement. I was staying up-to-date on all my TV shows but not taking the time to go grocery shopping so that I would have healthy food in my house.

All of those activities were satisfying for the moment but in the end I was still not put together. Worse, I didn’t know what was missing.

All of those activities were satisfying for the moment but in the end I was still not put together. Worse, I didn’t know what was missing.
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Until someone handed me Hyrum Smith’s The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management.

This book changed my life because for the first time I sat down and wrote out my values. Here is the list I created in 1997:

Value #1: I love Christ – I spend quality one on one time with Christ [through prayer and Bible study] and share Him with others.

Value #2: I have integrity – I live a life above reproach both morally and emotionally.

Value #3: I am cheerful – My attitude is upbeat and encouraging to others.

Value #4: I seek Truth – Only true understanding will set anyone free from bondage.

Only true understanding will set anyone free from bondage.
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Value #5: I love my family – I nurture the relationships with my family through prayer, contacting them and sharing with them.

Value #6: I love my friends – I nurture the relationships with my friends through prayer, contacting them and sharing with them.

Value #7: I strive for excellence – I do my best in all things so that God can be glorified.

Value #8: I am financially secure – Money is a means to an end and I handle money frugally. Debt is none or a minimum.

Value #9: I am an influencer – I seek to positively influence all those around me to either show them Christ or to bring them closer to His presence.

I seek to positively influence all those around me to either show them Christ or to bring them closer to His presence.
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Value #10: I am productive – My works will demonstrate my faith.

Value #11: I am physically fit – I avoid bad habits (i.e. fried foods) and practice good habits in eating and physical exercise.

The amazing thing about this list is when I wrote it, 95% of the values were not true in my daily life.

Oh, would I say I loved Christ or my family or my friends? Of course! But those values were not played out in my day by day, moment by moment life.

Today, over 20 years later, they are all true, 95% of the time, and my soul is at peace and my daily activities (my shoes) are matching my values (my purse.)

What about you? How are your daily activities matching up with your values?

Have you established your values?

Do you have your values in writing? In a computer file? On your phone?

If not, I encourage you to write down your values. The easiest way to determine your values might be to think a bit of a morbid thought, “What do I want people to say about me at my funeral?”

Those responses reflect your values. Those are the character traits and lifestyles you want to develop in your life.

Once you have your values list, take time to prioritize them so that when the difficult decisions come your way, you have already made that decision when the emotions were not high.

For example: If a friend were to ask me to lie for them. Loving my friends is important but not as important as my integrity. So, as much as I love them, I cannot lie for them.

Now, someone may say, “That is so wrong. Help your friend out.” My response is always I made this decision on my values and no one can judge my values.

I still have to live with the consequences [of my decisions], but I know that one of those consequences will not be the uneasy feeling I had in my 20s when my daily tasks were not matching up with my values.

I have walked with dozens of people as they have established their values and not one time did anyone say they regretted it. Rather, they are grateful because they are at peace AND at the end of each day know they are living their best life.

Becky Turner currently serves as a personal coach and as a non-profit consultant to Christ-centered ministries. Click here to learn more.

The post Embracing Your Values Cuts Out the Confusion appeared first on Mona Hodgson.

Stuff: Nose Hair Trimmers and Closet Organizers

Sometimes a hefty dose of healthy frustration is good for us, right?

No doubt you can relate to a tidbit from a recent page in my journal . . . .

July 15, 2019

According to the calendar, I’m 65 today. I don’t know where or how to begin to wrap my head around that fact.

My mother-in-law suffered a stroke nearly five weeks ago that stopped us in our tracks and turned us in circles. I was finally on a writing retreat facing a couple of days away to write on the novel. I haven’t looked at it since the call.

She was in the hospital for six days, the rehab center for twenty days, now she’s been in the assisted living home for one week. Having sold her mobile in the past two weeks, I’ve nearly emptied it and both of her sheds.

I’ve seen my mom, my step-dad, and now my mother-in-law suddenly separated from their former lives and their stuff as the result of disease and the need for more directed care. In each case, I found myself sifting through every photo, squirreled away bread wrapper, birthday card, to-do list, and unused stamp.

Drawers, cupboards, closets, sheds, and garages full of stuff. Unorganized excess. Baggage—emotional and physical saved for someone else to sift, sort, dispose of or save in an unbroken cycle of disorganization and distraction.

Baggage—emotional and physical saved for someone else to sift, sort, dispose of or save in an unbroken cycle of disorganization and distraction.
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All three essentially had their lives pared down to existence in one small room that contains the necessities. Dementia, disease, and/or looming death dictated the separation from the temporal in preparation for the eternal.

Life isn’t about the stuff! Shouldn’t be about the stuff.

Life isn’t about the stuff! Shouldn’t be about the stuff.
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And yet … I am surrounded by, weighed down by so much stuff! Closets, sheds, and garages full of it. And the piles grow with every family death and distribution.

This morning, Lord, I’m out on the patio. Listening. Seeing Your beauty … Your creation. Cardinals, hummingbirds, and finches sing, flutter, sip, fly free unencumbered, returning to a simple nest or constructing a new one.

Aunt Alma just texted me a “Happy Birthday! I love you!” Tears stung my eyes. Yesterday, Mom had no response to my news that it was my birthday today.

Here’s one of my lightbulb moments: This life isn’t about the accumulation of things for the sake of surrounding myself with stuff.  This life is about establishing, nurturing, and growing relationships. It’s about accumulating moments and memories. A life worth living is centered around Jesus; a life grounded in His love and grace, mercy and leading.

This life is about establishing, nurturing, and growing relationships. It's about accumulating moments and memories.
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Lord, I am sick of butting up against strength-sapping, temporal stuff. I desire to serve You with my whole and undivided heart. Help me, shake off the rest. Help me sift, sort, and organize our stuff like a good steward. A resource to be used by and for You in establishing and growing relationships.

You ready for a little irony? For my birthday, I bought or am buying two things for myself:

A closet organizer.
A nose-hair trimmer, attributed to the relationships category.

Thanks for letting me rant a bit as I chew on my life lessons.

Now it’s your turn . . . 

What issue do you aspire to resolve following your recent or upcoming birthday?

The post Stuff: Nose Hair Trimmers and Closet Organizers appeared first on Mona Hodgson.

Freeing the Cross From Clutter

In April, I returned to one of my favorite places to retreat–Mount Hermon Christian Camp, nestled in the California redwoods. Home of the Mount Hermon Christian Writers’ Conference held annually the weekend before Easter. I was there this year as a mentor for children’s writers.

Early Palm Sunday morning, I walked to one of my go-to sites for retreat on the Mount Hermon grounds. Victory Circle.

The empty seats are a big draw for my soul seeking solitude. The amphitheater-style seating faces a lush forest of towering redwoods. Front and center stands a cross. Thus the name of this tucked away refuge–Victory Circle. Because of the cross, not only can we have victory over sin, but God’s grace covers any circumstance and our freedom in Christ trumps fear.

That Palm Sunday morning when I looked up at the cross, the view had changed since my visit Saturday morning.

A long table flanked the cross. A water bottle sat in front of the cross. And a cut piece of firewood stood on one arm of the cross. That wasn’t right!

Someone had added clutter to the cross.

Disgraceful!

Indignation knotted my insides.

Who would do such a thing? Probably kids messing around on Saturday night.

Fueling my indignance to a fever pitch, I marched down the steps to declutter the cross.

When I reached up to remove the log from the arm of the cross, the Spirit of God whispered into my spirit, “Who would do that? You, my child. You struggle with adding clutter to My cross and all that I accomplished there.”

As I returned the piece of firewood to a nearby pile, my heart ached with conviction. I hadn’t set the table, water bottle, or firewood in front of or on the cross, but I was nonetheless guilty of adding clutter to Christ’s cross.

My list of litter included self-sufficiency, self-righteousness, and indifference–all of it takes away from the complete work Christ did on the cross placing the focus on my finite kingdom rather than on God’s eternal Kingdom

Perhaps you can relate to my struggle, cluttering the cross with self.

Father God, I confess my tendency toward self-reliance. Thank You for your saving and sustaining grace. Teach me to more consistently lean into You and walk in the way of the work You finished on the cross. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

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Do Your Shoes (Activities) Match Your Purse (Values)?

Friend, do you ever teeter or stumble in your decision making? Ever break into a sweat while attempting to spit out a “Yes” or “No”?

Many thanks to Becky Turner, my friend, coach and virtual assistant, for speaking into our hectic schedules and harried lives with this post. She’s leading a cheer for you and I to add breathing space and intentionality into the choices we make.

Blogger: Becky Turner

Do Your Shoes (Activities) Match Your Purse (Values)? 

I remember when it was a huge fashion faux pas to go out in public and not have your shoes match your purse.

Brown heels meant a brown handbag. Silver slides meant a silver clutch. White flip flops meant a white tote bag. If time got away from me and I didn’t have time to change my purse, I was usually doing it in the car. And then heaven forbid if I showed up to an event with unmatched accessories. I felt totally not put together and disconnected.

I encountered this same feeling in my late 20s when my daily activities did not line up with who I was or wanted to be.I was busy doing lots of things but they were not things that mattered most to me. I was closing the deal but not taking the time to call my mom. I was getting the 3 mile run in but had no time to read the Word. I was buying what was in front of me never thinking about the auto insurance bill due in a month and for sure not my retirement. I was staying up-to-date on all my TV shows but not taking the time to go grocery shopping so that I would have healthy food in my house.

All of those activities were satisfying for the moment but in the end I was still not put together and really didn’t know what was missing.

All of those activities were satisfying for the moment but in the end I was still not put together and really didn’t know what was missing.
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That was until someone handed me Hyrum Smith’s The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management.

This book changed my life because for the first time I sat down and wrote out my values. Here is the list I created in 1997:

Value #1: I love Christ – I spend quality one on one time with Christ and share Him with others.

Value #2: I have integrity – I live a life above reproach both morally and emotionally.

Value #3: I am cheerful – My attitude is upbeat and encouraging to others.

Value #4: I seek Truth – Only true understanding will set anyone free from bondage.

Only true understanding will set anyone free from bondage.
Click To Tweet

Value #5: I love my family – I nurture the relationships with my family through prayer, contacting them and sharing with them.

Value #6: I love my friends – I nurture the relationships with my friends through prayer, contacting them and sharing with them.

Value #7: I strive for excellence – I do my best in all things so that God can be glorified.

Value #8: I am financially secure – Money is a means to an end and I handle money frugally. Debt is none or a minimum.

Value #9: I am an influencer – I seek to positively influence all those around me to either show them Christ or to bring them closer to His presence.

I seek to positively influence all those around me to either show them Christ or to bring them closer to His presence.
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Value #10: I am productive – My works will demonstrate my faith.

Value #11: I am physically fit – I avoid bad habits (i.e. fried foods) and practice good habits in eating and physical exercise.

The amazing thing about this list is when I wrote it, 95% of the values were not true in my daily life.

Oh, would I say I loved Christ or my family or my friends? Of course! But those values were not played out in my day by day, moment by moment life.

Today, over 20 years later, they are all true, 95% of the time, and my soul is at peace and my daily activities (my shoes) are matching my values (my purse.)

Today, over 20 years later, they are all true, 95% of the time, and my soul is at peace and my daily activities (my shoes) are matching my values (my purse.)
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What about you? How are your daily activities matching up with your values?

Have you established your values? Do you have them in writing? In a computer file? On your phone? If not, I encourage you to write your values down. The easiest way to do that is to think a bit of a morbid thought, “What do I want people to say about me at my funeral?” Those are your values. Those are the character traits and lifestyles you want to develop in your life.

Once you have your values list, take time to prioritize them so that when the difficult decisions come your way, you have already made that decision when the emotions were not high.

Once you have your values list, take time to prioritize them so that when the difficult decisions come your way, you have already made that decision when the emotions were not high.
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For example: If a friend were to ask me to lie for them. Loving my friends is important but not as important as my integrity. So, as much as I love them, I cannot lie for them.

Now, someone may say, “That is so wrong. Help your friend out.” My response is always I made this decision on my values and no one can judge my values.

I have to live with the consequences but I know that one of those consequences will not be the uneasy feeling I had in my 20s when my daily tasks were not matching up with my values.

I have to live with the consequences but I know that one of those consequences will not be the uneasy feeling I had in my 20s when my daily tasks were not matching up with my values.
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Since that time, I have walked with dozens of people as they have established their values and not one time did anyone say they regretted it. Rather, they are so grateful because they are at peace AND at the end of each day know that they are living their best life.

 

Becky Turner currently serves as a non-profit consultant to Christ-centered ministries, primarily in the pro-life movement. She’s been blessed to minister around the world and experience God’s work in the villages of Africa, the high-rise apartments of Moscow as well as the streets of downtown Atlanta and Houston.

The post Do Your Shoes (Activities) Match Your Purse (Values)? appeared first on Mona Hodgson.

5 Ways to Encourage a Caregiver

I’m welcoming my friend and fellow Books & Such client, Sarah Forgrave, back to my blog. Sarah is the author of Prayers  for Hope and Healing. and Prayers of Hope for Caregivers, her latest book.

Caring for someone with health needs can be emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. Sarah has spent considerable time, both as someone struggling with serious medical issues and as the family member of a chronically ill patient, and she understands the many challenges caregivers face. I’ve asked Sarah to share a few ways we can best come alongside a friend or family member in a caregiving role.

 

 

 

 

 

5 Ways to Encourage a Caregiver

by

Sarah Forgrave

Eight years ago, I supported my sister through a heart transplant and housed her in the month afterward. Three years ago, my son faced a life-threatening infection that sent us to the ICU. In both cases, I poured out care for those I love—family members facing incredible need—but I also carried a huge amount of needs myself.

When I look back, I’m filled with memories of friends and family who stepped in to help. If you have a friend going through a season of caring for a loved one, you may feel helpless to know how to best support her. Here are some specific ways that come to mind.

1. Pray right now.

So many times I’ve told someone, “I’ll pray for you,” but then later forgotten. Whether you’re with your friend in person or not, pause and pray immediately when the words, “I’ll pray for you,” are on the tip of your tongue.

Whether you’re with your friend in person or not, pause and pray immediately when the words, “I’ll pray for you,” are on the tip of your tongue.
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If circumstances aren’t right to pray with her immediately, let her know you’ll pray, and then schedule a reminder on your phone. When you pray later, follow up with a brief message to encourage your friend and let her know you were thinking of her.

Click here to read Mona’s post, 12 Verses to Pray Over a Hurting Friend.

2. Ask how your friend is doing, and then listen.

So many times people ask a caregiver how her care recipient is doing, but they forget to check in on the caregiver herself. She’s likely pouring out everything she has day after day, all while being expected to keep normal life afloat. What a gift you could give her by simply asking how she is doing.

So many times people ask a caregiver how her care recipient is doing, but they forget to check in on the caregiver herself.
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When she answers, remember the age-old advice, “You have two ears and one mouth for a reason.” Sometimes when we’re not sure what to say, we dominate the conversation to avoid awkwardness. Be willing to step outside your comfort zone. Ask your friend how she’s doing and then truly listen. Try not to jump in with your thoughts, but let her do the talking.

3. Buy a thoughtful gift.

If your friend is caring for someone with physical needs, she’s probably had to put herself on the backburner. Think of creative gifts that will soothe or help her during this season. Here are some ideas:

– Heated eye mask or neck pillow (especially if she’s providing care outside of her home)

– Gift cards for carryout or meal delivery

– Uplifting book or devotional

4. Show up and help.

Asking how you can help may create more stress for your friend, especially if she’s overwhelmed and busy. The best thing might be to show up with a plan in mind. If you know she hasn’t been able to clean her house for months, show up with a bucket of cleaning supplies and get to work. It might feel awkward at first, but I guarantee she’ll appreciate it.

The best thing might be to show up with a plan in mind.
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If she’s struggling to put meals on the table, show up with a pre-prepped freezer meal she can reheat later, or set up a meal delivery schedule with friends.

5. Do what you can.

If time is tight and your life is busy, do what you can. Send a quick text with a prayer typed out or a simple note that says, “I’m thinking about you today.”

Don’t underestimate the power of any gesture, big or small. Your friend is likely facing loneliness and exhaustion each day. Your message or gift could make a world of difference in reminding her she’s not alone.

Don't underestimate the power of any gesture, big and small.
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About Prayers of Hope for Caregivers

Sarah shares what she discovered in her caregiving journey—peace through prayer, solace in Scripture, and unending hope from a Heavenly Father who never stops loving you. Each heartfelt prayer and devotion is intended to help you navigate the complex set of emotions that come with caregiving.

The post 5 Ways to Encourage a Caregiver appeared first on Mona Hodgson.

7 Questions to Help You Define Your Dating Relationship

You’re not married, but you’re dating. Or you’re thinking about going out with someone. Or maybe you have a gut feeling you shouldn’t be seeing the guy you’re seeing. Let’s chat.

Who you date or hang out with can determine who you marry, which dictates the direction your life takes. That decision is huge and life-changing.

Who you date or hang out with can determine who you marry, which dictates the direction your life takes.
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So I have seven questions worth considering in any dating relationship. These points to ponder help push fluttery feelings into the backseat for a bit, turning the driver’s seat over to some fundamental facts. I hear you: “Where’s the romance in facts?”

Well, here’s a fun fact … I actually write inspirational historical romance novels. Love stories are my favorite. I’m a romantic at heart. But here’s a little something I’ve learned in my nearly five decades of marriage to Bob … real romance isn’t fashioned out of feelings, but reinforces the foundation of a healthy relationship.

The dating kind of romance often lives and breathes in a dreamy (or needy) state of mind. That phase might prompt all kinds of romantic gestures. Roses. Salted caramels. Table manners. Wearing a clean shirt. Trimming the mustache.

The dating kind of romance often lives and breathes in a dream (or needy) state of mind.
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All of that is good stuff, but is it reliable evidence of a boyfriend worthy of a white dress and marriage vows? Or breakfast?

Nope.

While I’m not a licensed psychologist, I’m not without some street cred.

• Big sister to three girls.

• Mother of two daughters.

• Grandmother to one grand-girl.

• Aunt to fourteen females, and counting.

• And hubby and I will celebrate 47 years of marriage in August.

Here’s what you need to know:

1. Am I in a give-and-take relationship, or am I doing all the giving, compromising, and apologizing?

A healthy relationship is reciprocal, not one-sided. A healthy relationship is rooted in respect, in valuing the other person. Again, a two-way street. Do you feel valued and respected, or used? If he’s not someone you can respect, lace up your running shoes.

A healthy relationship is reciprocal, not one-sided.
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2. What are five adjectives I would use to describe the guy I’m seeing? (He’s not listening and neither is his mother, so be honest.)

Here are some examples: kind, moody, respectful, mean, honest, a liar, positive, controlling, compassionate, apologetic (bad sign if he’s always trying to make up for bad or addictive behavior). When you weigh the five adjectives, do they come out positive or negative?

3. Does the guy I’m dating encourage me to become my best self, the person God designed me to be?

In a healthy relationship, it isn’t all about him. In a healthy relationship he cheers you on in your growth and personal pursuits. If he feels threatened by or jealous of your realistic interests, family, and friends–if you’re feeling isolated–press the pedal to the medal, and don’t look back!

4. In a picture of our relationship, how would I draw the two of us?

Are you standing behind him, following his lead and feeling like you don’t have a say in the matter? Ever. Are you moving ahead of him, having to drag him along? In a healthy relationship, most often you are moving forward side-by-side, both giving and receiving respect and being heard.

In a healthy relationship, most often you are moving forward side-by-side, both giving and receiving respect and being heard.
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5. Is he self-centered or God-centered?

Just because a man (or boy) calls himself a Christian or a man of faith … just because he can talk the talk, doesn’t mean he is in a life-giving relationship with God. His relationship with God doesn’t have to look like yours, but if it’s important to him, you’ll recognize some characteristics of a Jesus-follower.

Just because a man calls himself a Christian or a man of faith, doesn't mean he is in a life-giving relationship with God.
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In Micah 6:8, we see three character traits that God calls important. We should too. “What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

6. Does the relationship empower me, or does he make me feel powerless?

To the general population, physical abuse may be the most obvious and reportable form of abuse. The evidence is usually visible and somewhat quantifiable, but physical abuse and sexual abuse have evil sisters. But emotional or verbal and spiritual abuse also ranks high in the tactics of an abuser. Narcissist. Control-freak! Making you feel less than, not enough.

Physical abuse and sexual abuse have evil sisters.
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But wait … I have more to say, abusers are shape-shifters–charming and generous one minute, mean and degrading the next. You know what to do with your running shoes. Get someone to help you run.

Abusers are shape-shifters--charming and generous one minute, mean and degrading the next.
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7. Based upon my answers to questions 1-6, would I call our relationship constructive or destructive?

How would you define your current dating relationship? If you can’t honestly say it’s healthy, let go. And if you’ve ever used the word toxic (or even thought it) to describe the relationship, it’s a destructive relationship. Lose his number. Unfriend him. Be brave, end it.

I get that none of us are perfect. We are all in process. But you and I are talking about unhealthy patterns versus pliable hearts. The ability to differentiate  between the two is a sign of wisdom.

Merriam Webster dictionary describes wisdom as the ability to discern inner qualities and relationships, insight; good sense.

Here’s what the Bible says about wisdom:

“Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding.” Proverbs 3:13

“I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths.” Proverbs 4:11

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5

Father God,

Help me humble myself before You and seek Your wisdom. Help me make brave choices so I can live and breathe in Your blessings.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

Would you do me a favor, and share this post?

 

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12 Verses to Pray Over a Hurting Friend

Your friend is hurting, and you feel helpless. If you’ve passed your eighth birthday, you likely know what that feels like. And it seems that I daily find myself looking for ways to best serve a hurting friend.

One friend recently returned to the ring fighting cancer in a third round of chemo. Another friend navigates a new normal after burying her husband last year. Yet another writes her son in prison. One friend battles betrayal. Another takes it one day at a time in a rehab center. Yet another wrestles with crippling anxiety. And the list goes on.

We can’t fix their hurting or erase their heartache. But that doesn’t excuse us from doing what we can to ease the pain. Some. Even if it’s only for a fleeting moment.

In an upcoming post, I’ll talk about a variety of things we can do to reach out to the broken, but today let’s zoom in on prayer.

Oswald Chambers says, “Prayer does not fit us for the greater work; prayer is the greater work.”

Prayer is our starting line.

If you’re like me, you take comfort in knowing a friend is praying for you. Peace washes over me when I know I have a sincere prayer partner standing with me in a storm.

And Isaiah 40:8 shows us where to stand. “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.”

We can hold a hurting friend, cry with her, wash her dishes, pick her kids up from school, and fix a supper but when we pray Scripture over her, we’re giving her a gift that God will sink deep into her soul and give it strong roots.

We can cry with a hurting friend, fix a supper, wash her dishes but when we pray Scripture over her, we're giving her a gift that God will sink deep into her soul and give it strong roots.
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Here are 12 of the verses I pray over my suffering sister-friends. I’ve included a sample prayer as well.

God is Present

Isaiah 41:10

“So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Father God, thank You for your presence with Allison. Replace her fear with fortitude. You alone are righteous and almighty, uphold her, Lord. Strengthen her and send her all the help she needs. Thank You! It’s in Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

God Saves

Psalm 34:18

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

God is Compassionate

Psalm 116:5

“The Lord is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.”

God Provides Peace

Numbers 6:24-26

“The Lord bless you

and keep you;

the Lord make his face shine on you

and be gracious to you;

the Lord turn his face toward you

and give you peace.”

God Gives Favor

Psalm 84:11

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

the Lord bestows favor and honor;

no good thing does he withhold

from those whose walk is blameless.”

God is a Fortress

Psalm 62:5-7

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God;

my hope comes from him.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

he is my mighty rock, my refuge.”

God Grants Wisdom

Isaiah 33:6

“He will be the sure foundation for your times,

a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;

the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.”

God is a Refuge

Psalm 9:9-10

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,

a stronghold in times of trouble.

Those who know your name trust in you,

for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

God Hears Our Prayers

Psalm 17:5-7

“My steps have held to your paths;

my feet have not stumbled.

I call on you, my God, for you will answer me;

turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.

Show me the wonders of your great love,

you who save by your right hand

those who take refuge in you from their foes.”

God Restores the Weary

Isaiah 40:29

“He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.”

God Supplies Needs

Philippians 4:19

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

God is the Source of Hope

Psalm 25:5

“Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Do you pray Scripture  over hurting friends? What are some of the verses you use?

Would you do me a favor and share this post?

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Owning Your True Value

I’m excited to introduce you to my friend, Sharon Jaynes. I’ve asked my sister from AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association) to share truths with us regarding the disparity between how we see ourselves and owning our true value, our identity in Christ.

Don’t miss the giveaway at the bottom of the post.

Do you remember the day you came to saving faith?

Perhaps you’re still considering a relationship with Jesus.

Or perhaps you can’t even remember a time when you didn’t know Him.

For me, it was on a summer night when I was fourteen years old.

When I think about how God brought me out of a home filled with alcohol, rage, and hostility into this wonderful relationship with Jesus, I’m amazed. The sheer wonder of it stokes my passion for Jesus and gratitude to God every time I tell it.

But here’s what you need to know. Just because I became a Christian when I was fourteen, does not mean that my feelings of inferiority, insecurity, and inadequacy went away. I was still a girl who felt worthlessness. When I made the decision to believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, those feelings did not dissolve like springtime snow.I didn’t even know those chains were there. I simply knew that something wasn’t quite right.

I was being held hostage by my self-perceived deficiencies and didn’t even know it.

I was being held hostage by my self-perceived deficiencies and didn’t even know it.
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After the initial excitement of making a commitment to Christ settled down a bit, I actually felt a little worse about myself.

I’d added a new “I’m not good enough” to the list of my inadequacies. I’m not a good enough Christian, I decided. I can’t memorize Scripture like other people or pray like other Christians. I keep struggling with the same old insecurities. I know God loves me, but I don’t think He likes me very much. Why should He? I don’t like me much either.

I know God loves me, but I don’t think He likes me very much.
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The problem was, as the song says, I was stuck on a feelin’. I walked through life prodded by my emotions rather than led by the Truth.

Through the years, I learned to compensate for my insecurities and self-perceived inadequacies. However, if you had seen me as a teenager—my achievements and accomplishments—you would have never known that I felt that way about myself.

Even though I had the borders of the puzzle in place with the promise of heaven, I felt like I was missing key pieces to complete the picture.

From the time I was fourteen until I was in my early thirties, I always felt like there was something wrong with me spiritually. I had an uneasiness—like I had walked into a movie twenty minutes late, trying to figure out what was going on.

I wondered why I struggled to live the victorious Christian life. By my mid-thirties, I had a wonderful husband, an amazing son, and a happy home life. I attended Bible studies and even taught a few. But in my heart, I knew something wasn’t quite right. Have you ever felt that way?

I was stuck in my spiritual growth and the harder I spun my wheels, the deeper they sank in the muck and mire of the land of in-between—saved from slavery of Egypt but never quite making it to the Promised Land. Then God brought another woman into my life to shimmy the plank of truth under my tires and help me get on my way.

God wants to show you truths about your true identity, His timeless sufficiency, and your pre-ordained destiny that flesh and blood cannot reveal.

God wants to show you truths about your true identity, His timeless sufficiency, and your…
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He sits by the well waiting for you to show up—to dip down deep and pour out the affirmation you’re thirsting for—affirmations that call you to let go of the hindrances that hold you hostage, take hold of the promises that set you free, and live bold with that faith you’ve always longed for.

He’s looking for women and men who are not only willing but hungrily yearning to step outside of the quiet, settled, predictable faith and into the boldly believing, courageously confident, and miraculously powerful adventurous faith. Those who will take hold of what they’ve already got—of what Jesus has already taken hold of for them.

• You are chosen. (Ephesians 1:4)

• You are dearly loved. (Psalm 100:5)

• You are holy. (Ephesians 1:4)

• You are reconciled through Christ’s life. (2 Corinthians 5:18)

• You are justified by Christ’s blood. (1 Corinthians 6:11)

• You are free from condemnation through Christ’s death. (Romans 8:1)

• You have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16)

• You can do all things through Christ. (Philippians 4:13)

Today, take hold of these truths and allow God to transform your mind.

You are not meant to simply hang on by the skin of your teeth until Jesus comes or calls you home. You are meant to let go of the past, move forward in the present, and live bold!

You are meant to let go of the past, move forward in the present, and live bold!
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If you’re ready to believe you are who God says you are, leave a comment and say “I’m ready.”

Mona here: Amen and amen, Sharon! Thank you.

Today’s post was adapted from Sharon’s book, Take Hold of the Faith You Long For: Let go. Move forward. Live bold.

It’s time for a GIVEAWAY on Facebook!

What am I giving away? Three of Sharon’s My True Identity in Christ Prayer Cards.  Laminated, two-sided, and full of Scriptural affirmations.

How do you enter the drawing? Go to my Facebook Author Page, look for the post showing the prayer card and talking about the giveaway, then comment on that post. Friday, 3/8, at 5:00 pm (MST), I’ll draw 3 names from the comments and each of the 3 winners will receive a prayer card.

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Writer Interrupted

Hi, friends!

After a ten month hiatus, I’m writing again and I’m back on social media more regularly. I missed connecting with you.

May 17, 2018, I was on my way to Kona, Hawaii, where I teach for YWAM (Youth with a Mission). For two weeks. Tough gig, I know. And one I count as a big blessing and look forward to every year.

The week of the 21st I would teach on writing children’s literature. The following week, my students would walk with me around the world of fiction writing.

I tucked my rolling computer case full of teaching supplies between the two purple suitcases in the back of my car. I’d slipped the file folder of notes for my nonfiction book for women between my laptop and course files.

Family members in transition lived with us the first three months of 2018. This getaway to Kona, though a business trip, would be the reset button I needed to concentrate on my own writing during the windows of downtime before and between my weeks of teaching.

As I drove the highway between my house and I-17 toward Phoenix, my plans for the day played in my head. First stop, Starbucks in Camp Verde for a chai latte. On to Olive Garden for minestrone soup, salad, and breadsticks before settling into a hotel room with my work-in-progress writing project. Several hours of uninterrupted writing stretched out before me. I sighed with delight.

We all know plans can change. We get interrupted.

Seven fresh roundabouts dotted Highway 260.

I was several yards away from the final roundabout before the freeway onramp, when I noticed the traffic backed-up all the way around the circle. The pickup truck in front of me stopped. My car rolled to a stop.

A quick glance at the rearview mirror told me the dump-bed pickup behind me wasn’t stopping. Couldn’t stop in time.

It didn’t. And the impact shoved my car forward, sandwiching it between two Ford pickups.

Not only did I not have any life-threatening injuries, I didn’t detect any immediate or obvious physical damage. I made the calls to 911, my hubby, and our auto insurance company.

As the shock of the trauma wore off, however, I began to experience the increasing effects of whiplash, and having put all my weight onto my right foot and the brake pedal. I was in no shape to make the trip to Kona, and the car carrying my luggage was totaled.

You know all about changes in your plans. All about life as you know it being interrupted. For most of us, alterations and adjustments are an everyday occurrence, happening in varying degrees and with wide-ranging consequences.

Finally, a date night with your hubs and the babysitter cancels at the last minute. Your company has merged or the store that employs you is closing, and you’re no longer needed. A house-fire or a devastating flood destroys your house. Your spouse doesn’t want to be married anymore. Medical tests confirm that the cancer is back, and the patient is your precious child.

Disruptions and distractions—the lesser ones and the bigger ones—can lead us down a path of frustration and futility, if we let them. But I didn’t want to give my auto accident that kind of power. Nor did I want the experience to be pointless. That’s not God’s way. He breaths redemption and purpose into every kind of brokenness. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Under God’s direction, King Solomon expressed it this way in Proverbs 19:21: “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”

I knew I wasn’t alone on that highway with the truck drivers, gawkers, deputy Marshal, and EMTs. Nor was I alone in the doctor’s offices, in my physical therapy treatments, in my communications with the insurance company, or in the search for a replacement vehicle. The Lord, who is my strength, was with me.

What happens in our day-to-day life may not fit perfectly or at all with the plans we made, but God is never caught off guard in our storms or in our seasons of redirection. He is a God of purpose and promise. Not only does God have a plan and a purpose for me and you, He has the ability to bring His divine plans and purposes to completion, no matter our circumstances. (Philippians 1:6)

That’s a truth to celebrate. And embrace.

I grew up when and where hymn-singing took place in church and in our home, and one of my dad’s favorites was “Count Your Blessings.”

That’s what I did that day and every day that followed, I counted my blessings.

Just to name seven of them . . .

I was alive, breathing and functioning.
I suffered no broken bones. Just mad muscles, pinched nerves, teeter-totter tendons, stressed ligaments, and jostled joints.
Neither of the other two drivers were injured.
A body shop owned by a couple in our small group from church was situated less than a quarter mile away from the scene of my accident and helped us out with the process.
My physical therapist for the next several months was a 28-year-old gift from God, with whom I shared an immediate connection.
My hubby was able to purchase the pickup truck he’d been wanting.
The season that followed my auto accident provided me with a good reason to take a leave of absence from writing and from social media.

The journey toward healing gave me the time necessary to gain greater perspective and prepare for whatever God had for me to do next.

What if the substitute situations that show up in our tough times have already been planned for and designed, according to God’s purposes?

Here’s my short list of suggestions for you if you’re in the middle of a tough time or are facing one.

Look for the blessings and list them.
Let friends and family help you and pray you through it. Prayer partners are invaluable.
Give yourself grace, and take a break from the routine, if you need to.
Lean into Jesus, our Savior who suffered for us and now intercedes for us. (Romans 8:34)
Listen to the song, “Count Your Blessings.” Doing that will lift your spirit. Might even start some toe tapping.

Thank you, friends, for taking this journey with me. Read more about the nonfiction book in the works and about my next novel in an upcoming e-newsletter and on my Facebook Author Page. Let’s stay connected!

How can I best pray for you? Comment on this post or private message me.

* An excerpt from “Count Your Blessings,” lyrics written by Johnson Oatman, Jr. in 1897 and set to music by E. O. Exell (Hymn of Faith, Tabernacle Publishing Company, Wheaton, Illinois, 1980).

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