Tansy Rayner Roberts's Blog, page 42

Galactic Suburbia 121: Live From Melbourne (Show Notes)

The Tea Salon edition in which we drink the Tabitha Blend in front of a live studio audience at Continuum XI and chat about feminist hashtags and vampire college girl romance.

LISTEN TO NEW EPISODE HERE



Kathleen Jennings drew us while we talked!

Tehani storified some of the tweets from Writing While Female.

What Culture Have we Consumed?

Alisa: Emerging Writers’ Festival: Writing while Female (How To Be A Woman in Any Boys Club); Bitch Planet, Issues 1-2; Twelve Monkeys

Alex: Cranky Ladies of History; Carmilla (based on J. Sheridan Le Fanu Novella); Veronica Mars; Radio Lab podcast catch up

Tansy: Sons of Anarchy; A-Force by Marguerite Bennett & G.Willow Wilson – AND Carmilla!

Please send feedback to us at galacticsuburbia@gmail.com, follow us on Twitter at @galacticsuburbs, check out Galactic Suburbia Podcast on Facebook, support us at Patreon and don’t forget to leave a review on iTunes if you love us!

Dogtanian’s War on Moustaches (1981)

Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds is a charming Japanese-Spanish co-produced animation series that aired from 1981 in various languages. I first came across it in England in the late 80’s where it was my original introduction to the Musketeer story.

And actually… it really could have been worse! This episodic serial is remarkably close to the tone and storyline of the original novel, the only difference being that the majority of the main cast are cartoon dogs.

Milady is, of course, a cat.

Dogtanian is a marvellously accurate version of our D’Art – youthful, impetuous and prone to getting furious and attacking people at a moment’s notice. An impoverished gentleman’s son, he marches everywhere with a chip on his shoulder, whether he is taking on a village full of bullies single-handed, or chasing down a mysterious moustached villain to demand an apology for an insult. I must say, his usual antics are a lot more sympathetic if you assume he’s about 12 years old.

Though it is a bit worrying that his parents sent him off to be a Musketeer at such an obviously young age.

The encounter with Rochefort (Mr Moustache, because apparently an eyepatch or scar is inappropriate for kids tv? Tell that to Barbie and Mickey Mouse) shows off Dogtanian’s yappy dog personality, and his country innocence which leads him to lose all his money AND get a near-fatal beating.

It does, however, feature his yellow horse quite significantly, which is always something I like in Musketeer media. Unfortunately, he’s as bad at managing his horse’s exhaustion as was Park Dal Hyang in the K-drama adaptation of the Musketeers.

When he finally arrives in Paris, Dogtanian meets Juliette (i.e. Constance), a sweet-talking maid whose voice instantly raised the suspicion of both myself and Ms10.

Is that… Minmei?

[One brief Google Search later]

IT’S TOTALLY MINMEI OMG!

Mind. Blown.

Hmm, come to think of it, Dogtanian sounds a bit familiar too…

DOGTANIAN IS MAX STERLING/LANCER/YELLOW DANCER.

“My boyfriend’s a pilot.” “So is my wife!”

I’m actually dizzy with fannish glee at this point. Damn these voice actors for working under multiple names. I was not prepared for this.

The story ambles along at a gentle pace, extending the plot far more than most adaptations.

Episode 1 is mostly about Dogtanian’s torment at the hands of childhood bullies and (eventually) his father’s plan to send him to Paris to get him out of trouble; Episode 2 introduces the Comte de Rochefort, Milady and is set in the inn at Meung; Episode 3 finally brings Dogtanian to Paris and gives him a love interest, but mostly revolves around his need to earn money and get himself a new sword. Oh AND gives him another near-fatal beating.

This cartoon is brutal.

Dogtanian ends up soaking wet and severely damaged underneath Juliette’s window, in a scene oddly reminiscent of how Rick and Minmei first met in Robotech, only without aliens and giant mecha.

Episode 4 promised actual Musketeers, which was quite exciting… but once they turned up, things got WEIRD.

Athos is the large, jolly, incredibly strong one who can beat up multiple people. Porthos is a slender, sinister Musketeer (with an EYEPATCH!) whom Dogtanian catches in the act of threatening and stealing from innocent victims.

(Porthos/Rochefort is Roy Fokker, Aramis is Lynn Kyle/Louis Nichols and Athos is Bron. I’m also looking forward to future episodes where Dogtanian has a mouse called Pip living in his house, played by Angelo Dante. Most importantly of all, Milady is Miriya Parino which means of course I must ship Dogtanian with Milady until THE END OF TIME)

While Athos and Porthos were doing my head in with their weird out of character behaviour, Dogtanian tripped over a near-perfect Aramis under a tree, who is gentle, religious and thoughtful.

Turns out that the sneaky robber Porthos is an evil doppleganger (who actually looks nothing like the real one – the real one is cheerful and friendly does not in fact have an eyepatch).

It’s a plot, of course, to ruin the reputation of the Musketeers. But that doesn’t explain the weirdness of Athos.

I do quite like that Dogtanian ends up leading an angry mob against Porthos, in an escalation of the usual duel meet-cute. It’s also adorable that when Dogtanian gets furious, his nose turns bright red. All D’Artagnans should come with this feature.

In conclusion, all the villains (except Milady) have moustaches in this story. Moustaches are evil. The Cardinal’s moustache is particularly sinister. I do appreciate how much he looks like Peter Capaldi, though. If Capaldi was a dog.

This Musketeer Media Monday post was brought to you by the paid sponsors of Musketeer Space, all 80+ of them. You guys rule! Previous posts in this series include:

Musketeers in an Exciting Adventure With Airships (2011)

Musketeers Are All For Love (1993)

Looks Good in Leather: BBC Musketeer Edition Part I (2014)

You Can Leave Your Hat On: BBC Musketeer Edition Part II (2014)

It’s Raining Musketeers: BBC Musketeer Edition Part III (2014)

Mickey Mouse the Musketeer (2004)

Musketeers Crack Me Up Seventies Style (1973)

Musketeer in Pink (2009)

Musketeers Break My Heart Seventies Style (1974)

Musketeers in Technicolor (1948)

Musketeer on Mars (2008, 2012)

Bat’Magnan and the Mean Musketeers (2001)

Russian Musketeers Own My Soul (1979)

All the Musketeer Ladies (2015)

K-Drama Musketeers Shoot Horses, Don’t They? (2014)

Robotech Rewatch 53: Rook Vs. The Red Snakes

Keep your scanner tuned to this station. Robotech is back!

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not going to finish this rewatch exactly at the point I finish Musketeer Space. That’s okay – I’m in this for the long haul! Cheers to everyone who has told me that the Mospeada/Dirt Bikes Special era of Robotech is their favourite. I like it more this time around, if that makes you feel better.

Episode 66 – Hard Times

While Rand lectures city girl Annie on the best way to lay a campfire, Lancer further challenges gender norms by setting up a woodland shower. As we all know, it’s normally girl characters who have slow meaningful showers in anime! Of course, Lancer is sometimes a girl character, so…

Rook, meanwhile, is having an emotional meltdown based largely on flashbacks to her former life as a gang member with an unsatisfactory boyfriend. She expresses this by being angry at a gross meat soft serve cone that Annie is trying to pretend is some kind of edible food.

I would be angry at people pretending badly drawn meat ice creams are real food too, Rook.

Scott, which his unerring ability to make it all about him, can tell just by looking at her that Rook is in love with someone just like he was with Marlene. Oh, Marlene.

(As it happens, he’s right, but I refuse to believe it was anything other than a good guess.)

Rook returns to the city where she used to live and is devastated to discover that her ex Romy has not been keeping up the good fight against the Red Snake gang because he’s too busy shagging her sister.

ROOK DISAPPROVING FACE.

We know that Romy is not a good guy because he is voiced by the same actor who played Zor Prime. And, you know, the whole shagging the sister thing. It took me ages to check the voice actor thing because Romy is not considered an overly important character in the grand scheme of things. I take great satisfaction in that.

The gang members are all acting like something out of Grease or possibly Grease II and no, I’m not going to inflict further film clips on you (but if I did it would totally be Who’s That Guy?).

Lily, Rook’s very conservatively dressed sister, tries to explain that Romy is holding back from tackling the gangs to keep the peace, not for any other reason like cowardice or having something better to do. It all sounds like the same collaborator talk we’ve been hearing about the Invid generally, but whatever.

Rand has what might be his first cool moment of the show, rolling up just after Rook has stormed off to get her own revenge on the Red Snakes, and telling Romy to close his mouth and hop on the back of his bike.

Aww, Rand.

Rook goes into a full blown challenge against the massive “Snake Eyes,” daring him to play bike chicken on a thin beam over a giant drop.

Rand uses his gun to make sure everyone plays fair – it’s clear that he has complete faith in Rook’s riding abilities, unlike Romy who tries to get her to quit.

Sadly in the face of her ex, Rook goes all mopy and ‘I’m not as bad a rider as I used to be before you taught me stuff, you big strong man, you.’ Woman up, Rook. I expect better of you.

To everyone’s shock except Rand, she does just fine at the challenge but as soon as the Invid turns up (Scott has been playing his own game of chicken with the aliens because he doesn’t have much else to do in this episode) she transforms and goes off to fight instead of worrying about her ego.

Miraculously it turns out that whatever Rook did solved the gang problem like magic (Sons of Anarchy this isn’t) and the only thing left to do is to convince Lily not to feel sorry for Rook by pretending she has a cool boyfriend. Sadly for Rook, the only immediately available candidate for Fake Boyfriend is Rand. To her shock (but let’s face it, no one else’s) he interprets her hissed command to kiss her on the cheek to lay a massive smacker all over her face.

The family weirdness doesn’t end there. As they ride off into the sunset, Rand confesses that while Rook has been playing around with the gangs, he totally met her mother and has been having chats with her about stuff. Rook doesn’t believe him but then their bike route leads them directly to a sad looking woman who is in fact, her mother.

Rook is horrified and rides off rather than have a conversation with her mum. Rand, sensitive soul that he is, yells ‘get a job’ to the mother and rides after her.

I have no idea what just happened, but it’s amazing. It looked like it was a set up because Rand really wanted Rook and her mother to talk through their issues, but no it was a thinly disguised crank call.

As she rides away, Rook decides for herself that it’s perfectly fine to leave her family because she has a new family now, and Annie basically needs her to be the big sister she failed to be to Lily.

Oh come on, like Annie wouldn’t steal your boyfriend in a hot second. You’re kidding yourself, Rook!

This weekly rewatch of classic animated space opera Robotech is brought to you as bonus content for the Musketeer Space project.

Thanks to everyone who has linked, commented, or sponsored me.

You can support Musketeer Space at Patreon.

Musketeer Space Part 55: Snow and Star Nuns, But Mostly Snow

Back from Melbourne where I had an amazing time at Continuum 11 (con report to follow when I am much less sleepy). Thank you everyone for making the con so great, and especial hooray to those who came up to talk about Musketeer Space, and who came to my reading of the first chapter in the Harmony room.

I’m SO CLOSE to finishing this book! You’re still a couple of months away from the end, but I’m about three chapters away. Eeep.

At this stage, I’m looking at keeping the end-of-project complete assembled ebook of Musketeer Space exclusive to Patreon backers for at least a year so if you want one, head on over the the Patreon page – you can support the project for as little as $1 per month.

Start reading Musketeer Space from Part 1

Missed the last installment? Track back to Part 54

Read a festive Musketeer Space prequel, “Seven Days of Joyeux.”

Main Page & Table of Contents

PREVIOUSLY ON MUSKETEER SPACE:

Conrad contracted himself to Jing-fei Su in marriage so that he could fulfil the “morality clause” in order to work for the Palace as Prince Alek of Auster’s tailor, and closest confidante. With Alek, former Minister Chevreuse (and on one notable occasion, the Duchess of Buckingham), Conrad is also a championship fleur-de-lis player. He spends most of his time protecting the Prince from political conspiracies, and being kidnapped by people who want to get information about the Prince out of Conrad’s brain. Funny story, that’s how he met Dana D’Artagnan, who he is totally going to hook up with when all of this is over. Most recently, Conrad has been staying with Buck after the Prince rescued him from a month-long abduction by the sinister Milord De Winter.

NOW READ ON!

This chapter is dedicated to Patreon supporter Scott Lynch – thanks for much for helping to make Musketeer Space happen!

Chapter 55: Snow and Star Nuns, But Mostly Snow

THEN:

Conrad had been giving Buck her space, as much as he could. Villiers House was her home, and he was very conscious of the fact that he was a guest here.

Also, they weren’t friends.

Sure, they had got along fine last Joyeux, when she was the Ambassador of Valour, palling around with Prince Alek and taking Chev’s place to help the Emerald Knights complete their final season.

They had played fleur-de-lis together, and Conrad would always, always consider her to be a teammate. But that wasn’t the same as friends. She had bonded far more closely with Chevreuse and Alek.

Buck had been acting strange since Conrad arrived. Hardly a shock since a) they barely knew each other and b) as it turned out, she was under threat of assassination.

It was like she was at least three people.

She was a tired, stressed New Aristocrat who made political plans and looked over paperwork constantly, taking calls from supporters and colleagues who had Opinions about Valour continuing to stay neutral in the war against the Sun-kissed.

She was a manic, overly-friendly jock who might grab Conrad at the oddest times and haul him into her pool or her Zero-G tank to compete tirelessly, whether they were racing through the water or sparring with poles.

She was a ghost, a pale shade of herself who muttered into her hair, darted away at any sign of company, and did not eat or drink nearly enough.

Buck was cracking up, and while there were plenty of staff and sycophantic “friends” hanging around Villiers House to address her every need, it felt like Conrad was the only person who noticed.

Chevreuse should be here. Chevreuse could deal with anything. Conrad was used to looking after one impulsive but mostly compliant Prince Consort, not this messy mishmash of What The Hell Is Going On inside Buck’s skull.

It was the extra security, he told himself. That was enough to make anyone jumpy.

It was almost a relief when the Planetary Marshal arrived, offering a discreet code at the door to prove her identity. “The First Minister wants me to revise the Duchess’s security arrangements,” she said in a clipped voice.

Conrad wondered if the Marshal even knew who he was. Dana had mentioned her as a potential ally in one of her recent texts, but did anyone official know why he was here in this house? Still, the Marshal took him at face value, and did not demand more information.

“I’ll fetch her,” he said, making sure that Gus and Lexi – two of Buck’s oldest and most long-serving personal guards – escorted the Marshal into the Room of Eggs.

It probably had some schmancy posh person name like a Receiving Salon or a Guesting Suite or whatever, but it was the blue room off the main lobby full of tiny jewelled eggs on stands, and it freaked Conrad the fuck out, but it seemed to be where Buck liked to meet official guests.

The very fact that Conrad knew that meant he was getting way too cozy around here. He wanted to go home. Paris was a yawning ache in his heart, and there was too much pollen on this planet. Pollen and oxygen and grass. Why did they need so much grass?

He found Buck upstairs in one of her listless moods. She was wrapped in a dressing gown that was far too heavy on the starchy gold brocade to look even remotely comfortable. “Marshal Felton is here,” Conrad reported.

Buck threw off the dressing gown, apparently unconcerned that she was naked underneath, and walked to her enormous wardrobe, selecting a blue doublet all embroidered with pearls. “Felton’s been involved in Milord’s detention,” she said, which Conrad already knew. “I suppose she has news for me?”

“Something about security checks,” said Conrad, keeping his eyes aside while Buck dressed. He was used to being treated as furniture by people like her. Alek was the only New Aristocrat who had ever treated him like a person and even then – he had his moments of occasionally forgetting that Conrad wasn’t a personified extension of his own requirements. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No,” sighed Buck, now elegantly dressed, though she hadn’t put a brush or a sonic wand to her tangled red-bronze hair in days, and it looked it. “Meet me at the pool afterwards. I’ll want to swim laps to clear my head.”

“Works for me.”

Conrad was not a fan of this planet, and its oddly disconcerting gravity, but he could get behind swimming in water every day of the week. It was almost as good as being in the tank – which he also got to do every day.

Oh, yeah, there were worse prisons than the Duchess of Buckingham’s personal estate. That asteroid tower where he had spent more than a month of his life very recently, for instance.

If he never met that bastard “Slate” or “Milord” or whatever he called himself again, it would be too soon.

Outside, Conrad peeled off his own clothes and stood in a pair of bright emerald trunks, poised to dive into the deep end of Buck’s glorious pool.

In the seconds before he hit the water, he heard the low ‘boom’ of an arc-ray discharging, from inside the house.



NOW:

There were worse prisons than the Church of All Convent of Carmelline, in the peaks of the Drift Mountains, but it was hard to imagine anywhere colder.

Conrad awoke with a gasp as the deep, piercing sound of the arc-ray shocked him out of the dream, as it always did. He wasn’t even sure now if what he had heard was the shot that killed Buck. Perhaps it was a chair hitting a wall, or one of the shots that Gus and Lexi got off in those last few moments.

All he remembered was plunging into the water, and when he surfaced for air, the world had been different.

He breathed hard now, separating himself from the dream – the memory – and the air hit his lungs, cold and unrelenting.

Still better than Slate’s asteroid tower, but not by much. Every time he awoke in this place, he was wrenched by desperate homesickness – for the cozy artificial atmosphere of Luna Palais, and Paris Satellite. Even for the home he had barely shared with his wife, behind her massive workshop.

Conrad would give anything to be back there, among his own people and politics, instead of here.

Hiding out in a freezing stone-walled building in a snowy mountain range, on the run from an alien maniac. With glass windows. Not temperature-controlled plexi-glass. The freezing, breakable kind of glass. It let in draughts.

Also, there were star nuns.

Though, to be fair, the star nuns were pretty great.

Conrad dressed quickly, layering the tunics and extra wool sleeves before putting on the heavy hooded scarf that the nuns insisted all men wear within their walls, for modesty.

Breakfast was served in the Sharing Hall, on the far side of the frosted courtyard. Conrad took a deep breath and pulled his hood over his face as he walked over the slippery flagstones, towards the smell of food.

A discreet cough alerted him to the presence of the extremely tiny and elderly Sister Ursa, about to make her own trek across the courtyard. Conrad doubled back and offered her his arm.

“Good boy,” she said, patting his cheek. She allowed him to help her across to the hall. After the of icy air, it almost felt warm inside, though the high glass ceiling (to allow better access to the constellations at night) let in far more cold than Conrad himself would have liked.

Oh, for a space station and plexi-glass. Conrad had never been cold in Paris, or on Lunar Palais. Cold never entered the equation there.

As they approached the tables of food, Sister Ursa released her hold on him and darted towards a prime spot of bench space, within grasping reach of a porridge ladle.

Conrad didn’t have anything like her speed, and ended up jammed between Sisters Volantis and Columba, both of whom were far more interested in breaking down the first three fleur-de-lis games of the new season than they were in allowing him to eat his breakfast.

Oh, and that was the other thing. The season. League Fleur-de-lis had started six weeks ago, without the reigning champions the Emerald Knights in the roster. Because, of course.

Conrad had been kidnapped or on the run for most of those weeks, Chevreuse had been having a baby, and Alek was waving his wife off to war while wearing a coat of proto-heirs, so of course they were never going to compete this season. There was a war on, after all. Half the teams in the league were fielding subs because their regular players had been called up to the Fleet.

They had trained up Laurel Slaughter to replace Chevreuse after her exile last Joyeux, and played a bunch of local, champions and exhibition games since then, but there were so many reasons why League was out of the question for them.

Conrad knew all that, he knew that everything that was going on at the other end of the Solar System was more important than a game with poles in a Zero-G tank, but… part of him mourned that life, the other life where he was able to prevent Alek from doing stupid things, and Chevreuse was on the ground in Paris to mitigate the Cardinal’s more destructive schemes, and the most adrenalin Conrad felt in any given week was in the tank, where he belonged.

More recently, when he was staying at Chevreuse’s, they had barely talked about the game, except for the one night they got drunk together and bitched about every single member of the current league who wasn’t them. At Buck’s, Conrad had played and practiced casually, but the screens were never tuned to this season’s official games.

Here at the convent in the fucking mountains, you couldn’t escape it, because little known fact about this particular chapter of nuns? They were really into TeamJoust. They had their own tank, and their own cinquefoil teams (divided by age group – the 60+ “Silver Tyre-Irons” were especially brutal). They watched all the games, past and present. They talked about all the games, constantly.

If sport was a religion, then these nuns had their cake and ate it too.

It no longer surprised Conrad that they had taken him in on an anonymous character recommendation from Chevreuse’s office, had given him shelter despite the deadly threats he might have brought down on their peaceful community.

Pretty clearly, the nuns of the Convent of Carmelline thought that having a real life professional fleur-de-lis player in their midst was the best thing that had happened to them in years.

“So, what was it like playing against the Dido Demons?” asked Sister Gemini from across the table. She at least leaned over and offered him a ladle of the hot herb porridge, while Sister Columba took pity on him and finally pushed the flagon of coffee in his direction.

Conrad grinned and filled his plate. “Oh, man, that game, that game almost killed me…”

Yeah, as long as he didn’t run out of sporting anecdotes, he really didn’t have too much to complain about when it came to the nuns.

After breakfast, Sister Ursa led them all in a rousing series of songs about star fields and the future of humanity. Then, Sister Magellan was called up to lead a prayer for the United Royal Fleet, and the casualties of war.

Conrad shivered, and not from the chill of the stone-and-glass hall. Dana was out there. His friends among the guards and the Musketeers alike were out there, most of them.

And Alek. Sure, Alek was supposed to be safe on Lunar Palais playing secret baby daddy, but what were the actual odds that he was going to be able to keep himself safe in a time of war?

As Sister Magellan’s prayer came to a rousing finale, there was a knock on the big double doors at the far end of the Hall of Sharing. The doors that led directly to the path down the mountain. Conrad tensed, remembering all over again that an alien assassin might have a very good reason to finish him off.

But as the nuns levered the heavy doors open, it was a woman who collapsed through them, in the torn remains of a flight suit. For one confused moment, Conrad thought it was Dana – same warm brown tones to her skin, the shaven head, the clenched fists – but this woman was taller, and shaped differently. Her face, messy with blood and what looked like plasma burn, was slightly broader than the face of the woman he had been texting every hour since he landed in this frosted convent.

The sisters came forward to help the woman, and some of them gasped as the sleeve of her flight suit came completely away, revealing tangled tattoos from her wrist, all the way up. A fleur-de-lis pattern blended into a star field, familiar because it reflected tattoos that every Sister of Carmelline wore on her limbs.

Their religious robes were designed to slide back and reveal the sacred patterns to each other, though Conrad had only seen the nuns do it once or twice, for formal ceremonies. It was too damned cold in the mountains to flash wrists and ankles if you didn’t have to.

Also too cold to make your way up a snowy staircase on a mountainside in a ripped flight suit and ungloved hands. The poor woman looked a wreck.

“She’s one of us,” Sister Magellan said. “Conrad, help us get her to the medilab.”

Well, he was the muscle around here. Him and Sister Volantis, who could probably bench press three of him, but was already moving ahead, shoving open doors and clearing the way.

Conrad scooped the burned, half-frozen woman into his arms, and she nestled into him as if seeking comfort. Her fleur-de-lis tattoos ran all the way up her throat, he noticed.

In his head, he composed a text to Dana even as he carried the woman to the medilab to have her wounds seen to. Hey, Dana, today I played at being an Actual Knight, with chivalry and everything.

A text he would never send, because after the single message he had got through to Chevreuse when he was on the run, and the location she had sent back to him, he had destroyed all his comms. Flirting with Dana was going to have to wait until all this Milord business was over with, and she came to find him.

She was worth the wait.

“What is your name, dearie?” Sister Ursa asked as Conrad laid the woman on a bed. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you fixed up in no time.”

The woman’s eyes opened wide, as if startled, and Conrad saw that her eyes were grey, an odd combination with her deep brown skin. “I seek refuge.” she gasped.

“That’s what we’re here for, ducks,” said the elderly nun, patting the woman’s hand.

Conrad stepped back, wanting to get out of their way, but he could not take his eyes off the stranger on the bed.

There was something about her that seemed familiar, but he could not put his finger on why.

“Sister Snow,” breathed the patient, as the first medipatch buzzed into action, across her burned face. “My name is Sister Snow. I need you to help me…”

But she wasn’t looking at any of the star nuns, as she said those words. She was looking directly at Conrad.

You have been reading Musketeer Space, by Tansy Rayner Roberts. Tune in next week for another chapter! Please comment, share and link. Musketeer Space is free to read, but if you’d like to support the project for as little as $1 per month, please visit my Patreon page. Pledges can earn rewards such as ebooks, extra content, dedications and the naming of spaceships. Milestones already unlocked include the Musketeer Media Monday posts, the Robotech Rewatch posts, and “Seven Days of Joyeux,” a special Christmas prequel novella which was released in December 2014. My next funding milestone will unlock GORGEOUS COVER ART.

Robotech Rewatch 52: You’ve Run Out Of Protoculture

Keep your scanner tuned to this station. Robotech is back!

Episode 64 – Survival

The narrator continues to be big on telling us stuff we haven’t actually found out from the main show, such as Rook’s name (Rook Bartley, if you were wondering, though very few people in this post-Invid wasteland can afford last names), and the fact that Lancer is actually a freedom fighter who was in disguise as a rock star (though that could have been inferred from last week’s bare chest).

The gang (except Lancer who is sadly waiting by the Veritech Alpha for the rest of them to turn up) are now being chased by Invid, and Rand decides it’s time to go ‘cross country’ which means riding directly up a cliff. Unsurprisingly, while the bikes are just able to accomplish this, Lunk’s jeep is not up to the task.

When Lunk stops to gather the fallen supplies from his jeep, including protoculture energy cells, the Invid destroys them and nearly him in the process.

I missed part of this episode because my honey came home and I had to explain to him how this was an entirely different version of Robotech. He was almost as bewildered as I was in the early nineties.

Meanwhile, Rand has had a lightbulb moment about the Invid and their ability to sniff out protoculture. That’s a thing they can do! He also has another fight with Rook, largely because he’s a sexist pig and she basically hates everyone. I’m not entirely sure why she’s in the gang. She’s not a people person.

She’s also completely correct about there being something freaky in the forest but everyone thinks she’s paranoid until leeches rain down on them. Rook has a panic attack and Rand refuses to let Scott pull the leeches off her, using Link’s cigarette to burn them off instead.

Weirdly, only the girls had the leeches stuck to them. Even the leeches are sexist in this show.

After teasing the ‘city girls’ and showing off his leech whisperer skills, Rand continues to show off his wild man credentials by fishing for their lunch. When the Invid turn up, everyone hides except Rand because he just got a bite on his line and priorities, man.

Diving underwater at the last minute, Rand finds himself getting too close for comfort with the Invid as they wade through the river. Once the Invid’s gone, everyone dives in with their clothes on to rescue him and there is a mouth to mouth incident.

The Invid come back, of course, because always, and this time it’s Lancer (on yet another bike, where do they get these marvellous toys?) who rescues everyone.

Phew.

Finally properly bonded as friends, the crew have a delicious fish barbecue at the side of the river. They even do the sitcom laugh at the end.

Episode 65 – Curtain Call

Rook and Annie pull that classic scam of being helpless damsels by the side of the road (“It appears that you’ve run out of protoculture, ladies”) only to steal some poor sap’s truck.

Rand is grumpy at their moral flexibility and fair enough too considering that the truck driver was scared of losing his job. Scott doesn’t care because he is at war with everyone, including truck drivers.

Yellow Dancer is about to give a concert near a protoculture storage facility, and the chap in charge has decided to take most of the security off said facility to keep Yellow Dancer happy.

This wouldn’t be leading up to a heist, would it? Protoculture’s Eleven!

While Lunk sneaks Rand, Scott and Rook into the storage facility in the back of his stolen truck, Annie continues her career as a hustler by encouraging the crowds to jump on stage and party with Yellow Dancer.

Inside, meanwhile, Yellow Dancer reminds the security people how important it is that NO ONE gets to dance on stage with her. Courtney Cox, you are not invited, don’t even try.

Gotta say, for all the huge disparity between original Robotech and the New Generation, they definitely have the whole ‘using popular music as an unusual resource in times of war’ theme down.

While Yellow Dancer shows off her best Olivia Newton John outfits and brings techno to the post-apocalyptic wasteland, Rook gets to show off her Leverage-style cat burglary skills. They’re all pretty pleased with themselves…

But no, it’s a trap! They might have evaded the modern security systems but not the “ancient” ones that were built in which means Scott, Rand and Rook get stuck in a storm drain with water filling up to dangerous levels.

Yellow Dancer is basically a genderfluid version of Jem, isn’t she? Love that she’s managed to pick up back up singers and roadies no problem despite having spent the last several weeks hanging out in the wilderness with rebels.

Lancer’s friends have picked up the habit of referring to his separate personalities as if they are different people – Lancer being the one who came up with this plan, and Yellow being the one who is currently helping them carry it out.

Yellow is starting to worry that the others aren’t back yet. There are only so many times she can sing the same song before the crowd gets suspicious, and I think that many times is three… (to be fair, Minmei could have done it at least six times before anyone even noticed there was something wrong)

Luckily, Rand still believes in fairy tales and one secret passage later, they are free and clear!

The whole crew make their getaway in the back of a police van, thanks to a man on the inside… and using an elaborate plan involving balloons, manage to get off scot free (ha, Scott Free) with their shiny new protoculture power cells despite the inevitable arrival of the Invid. The Invid are basically Wile E Coyote to their Road Runner.

Despite the morally dubious actions of our heroes, I am starting to see the appeal of our post-apocalyptic bikie gang. They’re basically Blake’s 7 in a forest…

This weekly rewatch of classic animated space opera Robotech is brought to you as bonus content for the Musketeer Space project.

Thanks to everyone who has linked, commented, or sponsored me.

You can support Musketeer Space at Patreon.

Off to Continuum!

I am about to set off to Melbourne where I will be a guest of Continuum 11: Southern Skies. Many exciting things will be occurring there, including Twelfth Planet Press goodies at the Dealer’s Table (I will fight you all for the new Aqueduct Press stock), the first Galactic Suburbia live podcast since 2011, and oh I have five days in a hotel with only me, my laptop and a novel to finish. FUN TIMES.

Here’s my program for the weekend. There are many things I love about it, not least of which that there is an entire day reserved only for Doctor Who, and they have scheduled me and Margo to chat about crunchy squishy stuff all on our own. And two podcasts for me! So much cool. Hope to see lots of you there.

8pm Friday

The Great Debate: Time Travel is Terrible and No One Should Do It

George Ivanoff, Tansy Rayner Roberts, RJ Anderson, Narrelle M Harris

Join Known Time Travel Fan George Ivanoff, Noted Guests of Honour Tansy Rayner Roberts and RJ Anderson, and a cast of regulars in an adventure across space, time, and ridiculousness. Because time travel really is terrible, and nobody should do it.

10am Saturday

Messy Emotions

Margo Lanagan, Tansy Rayner Roberts

Does sex make science fiction soft? Or is it all about gender? Can family impact space travel? (Trick question)

11am Saturday

Readings

Tansy Rayner Roberts

[they've given me a whole hour, I'm thinking of splitting the time between Fake Geek Girl & Musketeer Space or possibly just chatting to whoever turns up about Fury Road, WHATEVER]

 

2pm Saturday

Podcast: Galactic Suburbia

Alisa Kranostein, Tansy Rayner Roberts, Alexandra Pierce

Recording live for the first time since 2011, join Alex, Alisa and Tansy for the latest episode of Galactic Suburbia.

 

8pm Saturday

Costume Parade

Judged by Guests of Honour Tansy Rayner Roberts and RJ Anderson (oh the power!)

12pm Sunday 

GoH Speech: Tansy Rayner Roberts: Fantasy, Female Writers & The Politics of Influence

2pm Sunday (2 hours)

Writer and The Critic – Podcast

Kirstyn McDermott, Tansy Rayner Roberts, RJ Anderson, Ian Mond

The Writer and the Critic is a bimonthly podcast devoted mostly to speculative fiction books, reviews and the odd bit of idle gossip. Hosted by Kirstyn McDermott and Ian Mond with special guests Tansy Rayner Roberts and R.J. Anderson. Come along and be the live audience at this specialContinuum recording. The books up for discussion will be Growing Rich by Fay Weldon and The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner … and fair warning: there will be spoilers!

6pm Sunday

Cranky Ladies of History

Tehani Wessely, Stephanie Lai, Liz Barr, Tansy Rayner Roberts

Contributors and co-editors discuss the Cranky Ladies of History anthology and their love for bad-tempered female historical women. 

9pm Sunday

SFQI

George Ivanoff, Tansy Rayner Roberts, RJ Anderson, and special surprise guests

Science Fiction truly is Quite Interesting. Join our host, our Guests of Honour, and surprise special guests on an adventure of knowledge and ridiculousness.

11am Monday

Dr Who Changed My Life

Liz Barr, George Ivanoff, Tansy Rayner Roberts, Narrelle M Harris

Small and large influences, Dr Who has changed the lives of many fans. Come to a celebration of Dr Who, fandom, and the people who love it.

2pm Monday

The Companions of Doctor Who

Liz Barr, Tansy Rayner Roberts, David McDonald, Tehani Wessely

The companions of Dr Who are well-loved, maligned, and misunderstood. Lovers of companions discuss their favourites, and the Companion Piece anthology (edited by Chair Liz Barr). Will include a book giveaway.

Musketeer Space Part 54: Mission to Valour

It’s Musketeer Day!

If you’ve been enjoying Musketeer Space, you might also enjoy “Fake Geek Girl,” a novelette about magic, friendship and uni share housing, currently available at the Review of Australian Fiction alongside a wonderful story by Stephanie Lai.

The first author newsletter for TansyRR/Livia Day went out this week. Sign up here for updates, giveaways, gossip etc.!

Many of you will be in Melbourne for Continuum – I hope to see you there!

All for one and one for all.

Start reading Musketeer Space from Part 1

Missed the last installment? Track back to Part 53

Read a festive Musketeer Space prequel, “Seven Days of Joyeux.”

Main Page & Table of Contents

PREVIOUSLY ON MUSKETEER SPACE:

Dana slept with Milord; Athos used to be married to Milord; Milord kidnapped Conrad; Buck slept with the Prince; the Cardinal wanted Buck dead; the aliens invaded; Rosnay Cho appears to be on the same side on the Musketeers right now but how long is that going to last?

NOW READ ON!

This chapter is dedicated to Kantis Väisänen. Thank you so much for your generous support.

Chapter 54: Mission to Valour

Well, this was embarrassing.

Dana had not thought it was possible to be more embarrassed this week, not after the number of reports she and Athos had been required to fill in, detailing their intimate knowledge of the Sun-kissed agent known variously as Slate, Winter, Milord, Milord Vaniel De Winter, Linton Grey, Vaniel Stonewater, Auden Snow and the Honourable Auden d’Autevielle.

Then there had been the discovery, after a week or more of intense diplomacy and attempts at translating an alien language formed mostly from light and colour, that this particular agent was wanted by his own people for crimes so grave that they would be willing to pull their troops out of Truth Space in exchange for his living body.

The question as to whether the invasion had been intended for the specific purpose of reclaiming Milord or whatever he was called in his own language – Sparkle Flash Shimmering Sunbeam or something equally untranslatable – had literally been keeping Athos up at nights.

Dana, however, was so deeply wrapped up in their shared humiliation that she could not begin to accept that possibility.

What with one thing and another, she had developed something of a thick skin about both professional and personal embarrassment. At least she had a Musketeer jacket to keep her warm.

But then there was this: being trapped in an office on the Bastion with Athos and Amiral Treville while they were arguing with each other.

The Regent, Treville and the Cardinal had all agreed that reclaiming Milord from Valour was now a mission of the utmost importance to the war effort. Special Agent Rosnay Cho had been put in charge of a mixed unit made up of Sabres and Musketeers. Porthos and Aramis had both been included in the unit. Athos and Dana had not.

Another humiliation, piled so thickly on the others that Dana barely felt it. She knew why they were being excluded, and it stung, but she could survive it.

Athos, however, refused to accept even the basic premise that when it came to Milord De Winter, he and Dana were both hopelessly compromised. He was adamant that he and Dana were needed on the mission, precisely because they knew from firsthand experience how diabolically ruthless Milord could be.

He was not prepared to leave Treville’s office until she agreed with him. Treville had dug her heels in over the issue so quickly that there were practically skid marks on the carpet.

The argument had been going for two hours and counting.

Dana had missed lunch.

Finally, Treville threw up her arms and bellowed. “He’s in custody of the Countess of Clarick’s personal guards, and a planetary Marshal! All this team have to do is collect him from detention and bring him back here – a simple operation. What the hell insight do the two of you provide that is worth the risk of putting you in the firing line of a dangerous criminal with a personal grudge against you both?”

“For a start,” said Athos flatly. “There is no risk of either of us looking at this mission as a simple operation. There is no such thing, with this man involved.”

For a moment, he and Treville stared each other down, silently. It was impossible for Dana to imagine any outcome to this situation that did not involve Athos being locked in the brig, possibly forever.

In this rare moment of silence, Dana became aware of a frantic buzzing of conversation outside the office. “Amiral Treville,” she said hesitantly.

Treville held up a hand to silence her, then turned and strode out of the office.

Athos, who obviously saw this as an excuse to cheat her way out of their confrontation, gave Dana a dirty look. She rolled her eyes at him, and followed Treville out.

“Have they started shooting again?” Treville barked at her comms officer.

“No, boss,” said Comms. “It’s just – there’s something come through on the interplanetary wire. From Gossipnode and a bunch of other sites…”

“I wasn’t aware that Gossipnode was one of the sites we track.”

“Not usually, boss,” said Comms, blushing. “It’s just – they’re saying on Valour that the Duchess of Buckingham has been assassinated.”

Dana felt cold spread through her body, starting from her neck. Athos had gone terribly still.

Buck, she thought helplessly. And then, with a burst of inner selfishness: Oh God. Conrad.

His last message to her had been flippant and ordinary. This house is too small for me AND Buck’s terrible shoe collection. I was looking for the games room, fell into her shoe cupboard & was lost for hours. Send a ball of yarn! That had been yesterday.

“You should have sent us days ago,” grated Athos, his only saving grace being that he spoke in a voice low enough that no one but Treville and Dana could hear him.

Treville straightened her back and gave Athos a chilly look. “Head down to Chaillot Station and inform Agent Cho to make room for two more. If you come back to Paris in a body bag, I’ll blow up that ship of yours myself.”

Athos gave her a flinty glare. “They burn bodies on Valour,” was all he said before he walked away.

Dana offered Treville an apologetic smile, adorned with all the embarrassment she had left, which was basically scraps at this point. “We’ll end this war,” she said with all the fervour of a newly minted Musketeer captain.

“Yes,” Treville sighed. “But with Athos involved, you’ll probably have started three more by the time I see you again.”

Rosnay Cho had a new Moth fighter. Not the same Moth fighter as before, but one even newer. This one had a name – the Ryan Mac – and it was absolutely beautiful, gleaming silver like a beetle. A beetle made out of stars.

Life, Dana D’Artagnan decided, was entirely unfair.

Ro looked singularly unsurprised to find Athos and Dana joining her for the final briefing at the dock on Chaillot Station while their ships were detailed by a group of dedicated and highly caffeinated engies.

Planchet’s transfer to the Musketeers had come through three days after Dana’s promotion. She waved cheerfully at Dana from the fin of the Buttercup before sliding all the way under to check the couplings on the power spheres.

“Is it true?” was the first thing Athos asked Rosnay Cho. The two of them had bonded during the hellish week of translation, as they both liked to say exactly what they thought and not bother with any pesky diplomacy.

“We think so,” said Ro between gritted teeth. “All we’re getting is news reports at this point – we haven’t been able to make contact with Villiers House or with local law enforcement.”

“Was it him?” Dana asked, because she could be as streamlined and efficient as the rest of them.

Ro gave her a steady look. “Our sources assure us that the agent known as Milord is still under guard, on private land on the other end of the continent. It’s possible that this assassination is unconnected to his detention.”

Porthos blew out an unbelieving breath, and even the two Sabres who made up the party muttered ‘ha’ to each other.

“Our mission is the same,” said Ro. “We collect the target from his detention, and we bring him here to the Bastion. It’s not our job to investigate the assassination of the Duchess, however tempting it might be.”

Dana raised her eyebrows, silently calling bullshit on that one. “But?” she invited.

“But,” said Ro, giving her a smirk. “Turns out we have a little more manpower than we originally planned on, so I’ll make that call when we hit Valour orbit. In the mean time – saddle up, buttercup. A lot of space miles between here and there.”

Her first mission as a Musketeer. Dana was playing it as cool as she could, but she was pretty excited as they all went to their individual ships, even though she caught Aramis mouthing the words ‘saddle up, buttercup’ in silent delight.

“Ready to go, Cap,” said Planchet as Dana stepped into the cockpit, and the pigtailed engie came forward to help her with the helm and harness.

Wish me luck, papa, Dana thought as they flew in formation out into space.

Buttercup at least was delighted to be flying again. Space space! Here we go!

The look on Planchet’s face – delight that they were finally doing this, both of them, together – mirrored Dana’s own. And if it helped to distract her from the fact that Conrad Su had not replied to her recent text messages, then all the better.

After several days leaping and recharging their way along the Solar System, they were only a few hours out from Valour when the message chimed into the Morningstar.

Aramis blinked at the screen, which was not even on the list of what she had expected.

PRIORITY ONE CALL FROM LUNAR PALAIS, followed by a series of ominous looking high security codes.

“Captain-lieutenant Aramis,” said Bazin from where he stood plugged into the wall of the cockpit. “There is a priority one…”

“Yes, Bazin, thanks, I can see it.” Aramis hesitated only a moment before stabbing at a button to bring up the call. “Morningstar.”

It was not a surprise to see the sharp, intelligent face of Chevreuse filling her screen – the surprise was the origin of the call.

“Why are you in Paris?” Aramis demanded. “What’s wrong?”

The other woman rolled her eyes. “Apart from the obvious, you mean? I’m here to sit on a royal friend of ours so he doesn’t go raging across the galaxy on an unsanctioned killing frenzy.”

Oh. That made sense. Chev would have had time to fly to Lunar Palais from the Daughters of Peace once she heard the news about Buck – and royal exile or no royal exile, of course she would not leave Prince Alek to deal with the news on his own.

Chevreuse was a good friend to have in bad times, always. “This line is secure,” she said now in that brisk, no-nonsense way of hers. “At least, if it’s not then no line ever can be. Are you heading to Valour?”

Aramis didn’t ask how Chevreuse knew that. Her ex-girlfriend had spent her whole career being a wickedly effective information hub. “Special team,” Aramis replied, assuming Chev knew the particulars. She must only be asking to let Aramis knew that she knew. “Collecting a package.”

“Yes, well that could be trickier than you think,” Chevreuse frowned. “Can you do me a favour?”

“Always,” Aramis said automatically, then hesitated. “As long as it’s not treasonous or anything.”

Chevreuse gave her an exhausted look. “As if I’d ask you commit treason before breakfast.”

“Shoot.”

“Do your people know how Buck died?”

Aramis stared at Chevreuse through the screen. She was all bright white bobbed hair and business suit – very professional. “No. Information’s been pretty sketchy, mostly gathered from the news sites, and it’s not supposed to be relevant to our mission.” Collect Milord, take him back to the Bastion, that was it, that was all they were supposed to do.

Chevreuse leaned in, her bright blue eyes trouble. “Aramis, darling, I can’t emphasise enough how relevant this information is to your mission.”

“So tell me.”

“Marshal Felton paid a call on Buck, forty minutes before the staff at Villiers House reported her murder.”

Aramis blinked at her. “Marshal Felton. Jan Felton?” She had never met a stuffier, more rule-abiding person in her life. “That can’t be right.”

“There were witnesses who corroborated the security records, but all evidence concerning Felton’s presence in the house was deleted within six hours of the time of death.” Chevreuse choked a little over the word ‘death’ and Aramis wanted to reach through the view screen and hug her.

“What can I do? We’re not going to have much leeway on the planet if you want us to expand the investigation…”

“No need,” Chevreuse said, getting more of a hold on herself. “That’s not the favour I require. There’s one witness who can’t be bought, can’t be silenced, and I know exactly where he’s hiding now because I sent him there. I need you and your ridiculously loyal crew to find him, keep him safe. And I need you to promise you will, Aramis, because without that promise I’m not sure how long I can stop the Prince Consort attempting to do it himself.”

Aramis nodded briskly. “Send me the coordinates, Chev. If your witness is who I think it is, I know a Musketeer who is going to be very pleased to hear it.”

Conrad Su must have escaped Villiers House after Buck was killed. No wonder Chevreuse and the Prince were so desperate to secure him. They had already lost one friend this week.

“Good,” said Chevreuse with a grin. “I have a soft spot for your little D’Artagnan, since she sent me the best bloody personal assistant I’ve ever had. Kitty is a marvel.”

“And how’s the baby?” Aramis asked, to keep Chevreuse on the line a little longer. It seemed like a million years since they had talked.

Chev actually looked startled – it was rare that Aramis was able to ruffle her. “How did you know about that?”

“Is it a secret? I would have thought Montbazon would be shouting it to the sky – he’s always wanted an heir, hasn’t he?”

Aramis didn’t know Chevreuse’s husband all that well – one New Aristocrat high-up government official was much the same as another. Chev had always kept them as separate as possible, for job-related discretion more than embarrassment about having a girlfriend on the side. Whatever she and Montbazon had, it had always been a matter of convenience and pragmatic friendship rather than romance.

“He was happy to acknowledge her,” Chevreuse said, sounding surprisingly flustered. This was fun. “He’s not the biological father, though.”

Aramis smirked, leaning her chin on her hands. “Really? Tell me more.”

Chevreuse narrowed her eyes. “Oh look,” she said brightly. “Signal’s breaking up.”

And the perfectly clear subspace signal which had transmitted her footage all the way from Lunar Palais dissolved into a burst of grey static.

“That was fun,” Aramis announced to Bazin, who was giving her one of his patented judgy android expressions. “Can we set up a secure line between us and the Buttercup? I need to chat to Captain D’Artagnan about boys.”

You have been reading Musketeer Space, by Tansy Rayner Roberts. Tune in next week for another chapter! Please comment, share and link. Musketeer Space is free to read, but if you’d like to support the project for as little as $1 per month, please visit my Patreon page. Pledges can earn rewards such as ebooks, extra content, dedications and the naming of spaceships. Milestones already unlocked include the Musketeer Media Monday posts, the Robotech Rewatch posts, and “Seven Days of Joyeux,” a special Christmas prequel novella which was released in December 2014. My next funding milestone will unlock GORGEOUS COVER ART.

Robotech Rewatch 51: Cool Rider

Welcome to the Robotech Rewatch, in which I try to pretend I don’t still really resent the New Generation for not being the Southern Cross.

In my defence, there was VERY LITTLE closure to the Second Robotech War. And when I first watched this, there was no internet to tell me what had happened.

I wrote an essay to work through my feelings about that.

Okay, hovertanks to the back, my darlings, it’s all about biker gangs and swirly organic aliens now. POST APOCALYPTIC BIKER GANGS.

Episode 61 – The Invid Invasion



Our Stalwart Excitable Narrator has a lot to explain this time around – all about how the Invid Regis turned the Earth into a wasteland hunting out the Protoculture and everything is terrible. But surprisingly little about what the hell happened to Dana and her friends. Thanks for nothing, Stalwart Excitable Narrator.

The good news is that a whole bunch of ships are heading to the Earth from Admiral Hunter’s expedition, ready to reclaim their homeland. It’s awesome. We’re finally going to – oh, no, none of these people are anyone we know. The crew are mostly young adults who were born in space, and none of them are descended from our Original Cast.

Marlene is obviously our main character and possibly the daughter of Rick and Lisa based on her voice actress. THIS IS NOT TRUE, DAMN IT, SHE’S JUST RANDOM. Marlene is love with Dramatic Blue-Haired Guy aka Scott Bernard, who wants her to marry him. No way this is going to turn into a tragic backstory or anything.

Ms10: The women’s skirts are too short for comfort

Me: Don’t worry, they’re all about to die.

Ms10: Phew!

Off Commander Bernard goes to be a big damn hero. Robotech ships go pow!

Unfortunately, the main ship is damaged and ends up struggling with re-entry. A fleet of Invid turn up just in time to blast the ship and everything goes to hell.

Scott is understandably devastated to lose his entire crew and his girlfriend. There we go with the instant tragic backstory!

When he lands, he gets very angry at the trees and grass of Earth (yes, it all grew back since Dana’s generation, apparently the Invid did that too, or possibly the protoculture). At this point, we’re getting a lot of monologuing and imaginary postcards to Admiral Hunter, who was obviously quite important to Scott.

Unfortunately, this planet is trying to kill him. First rain, then a random lighting strike throws a tree at him. Oh, he’s so miserable!

I like Scott so much more than I ever used to. The mangst!

“I suppose the Earth could be tolerable as long as there isn’t any of that electricity shooting out of the sky.” Optimist.

OMG he has a cool bike (AKA a Cyclone) parked in his little spaceship. That’s convenient! He’s also having hallucinations of his commander. If Scott didn’t keep telling us that Admiral Hunter would turn up any minute (spoiler: he never does) I would really be enjoying this.

Ms10: it’s the futuristic leather jacket!

Me: Yep, it’s Grease 2 all over again.

Ms10: why is everyone on bikes?

Me: Living in the future.

Ms10: Oh that’s why they need the jackets.

Scott runs out of grass and forest very quickly and scoffs at the desert landscape. Screw you, Admiral Hunter, you never bragged about this crappy bit of the planet!

Enter Rand: a scrappy lad on his own recently-scavenged Cyclone who looks a lot like a redheaded Rick Hunter. He’s so in love with his new bike that he really doesn’t want to chat to Scott even after he rescues him from the Invid Shocktroopers.

The narrator is really excited that these two are going to win back the Earth. Neither Scott nor Rand are especially convinced, and neither am I. But I’m pretty sure I like Rand.

Episode 62 – The Lost City

For someone who never turns up, we sure hear a lot about Admiral Hunter. The narrator and Scott are equally obsessed with him.

Scott tries to seduce Rand into joining his rebellion by promising to teach him how to turn his bike into other configurations. Rand has no idea why anyone would want their Cyclone to turn into anything but a bike, because bikes are awesome, shut up.

Rand is my favourite and my best.

Scott discovers that random peasants in trucks seem to know his tragic backstory for no apparent reason. That’s weird.

Enter: Annie, the super creepy little girl who keeps trying to get older men to express romantic interest in her. We don’t know yet how she fits into anything.

Rand and Scott arrive to find Annie weeping all over the road because her “boyfriend” (ew) Ken is refusing to leave town with her. Seriously, she looks about 8 and acts like she’s 16 or possibly 35 – she’s a serial sexual harasser. She makes no sense. Is she like a really short adult? I want her to be more like Molly from the Runaways and she’s just not.

They arrive in a sinister town with sinister people and apparently some survivors from Scott’s Expeditionary Force are there somewhere. It’s all very suspicious.

But the important thing is that the Invid Regis is voiced by Azonia. Woo!

Scott, Rand (with Annie sharing his Cyclone) are lured across a bridge to an even more sinister ruined city in the middle of a lake. They find destroyed hovertanks and cyclones… it’s not a junkyard so much as a graveyard. Like that episode of Doctor Who where they had to rebuild a TARDIS from the bits of other TARDISes.

And oh look, Annie’s creepy adult boyfriend Ken has retracted the bridge, and now the Invid are popping up out of the water and they’re totally surrounded.

This is going to be a short series.

Annie is ridiculous and awful and keeps trying to storm off. Rand rides after her to try to stop her and she basically accuses him of sexual harassment (physician heal thyself!), then grabs some massive guns and starts shooting at the Invid as well as random other bits of the city.

Okay, I like her slightly more when she’s holding a bazooka.

Rand and Annie are in dire straits, but a mysterious red Cyclone (let’s call her Cool Rider) arrives out of nowhere, transfigures, and shoots the hell out of the Invid, rescuing them far more effectively than Scott, who rolls in late.

SCOTT: I want to thank you, soldier, for saving our lives…

Cool Rider leaves without a word. Because she’s just that cool.

The townspeople kick Scott and the others out because they’re happy being collaborators and don’t want to stand up to the Invid. Scott judges them all and stomps off in a strop. Because he has been living on Earth for all of five minutes, and is an expert in everything.

As they ride away, Rand tries to lighten Scott up by teasing him about his girlfriend. Bad move! Marlene’s dead, Rand, how could you not know that? Bad friend.

In the distance, Cool Rider takes her helmet off and shakes out long blonde hair. I cannot emphasise enough how much I believed she was Dana Sterling at this point, and how excited I was for the next episode to reveal this important fact.

Rook, I love you, but if you had turned out to be Dana, this story would have meant so much more to me.

Sigh.

Episode 63 – Lonely Soldier Boy

Time to meet Yellow Dancer, a famous singer apparently following in the footsteps of Minmei, though their music is completely different, more soft rock than teen pop. And of course, Yellow Dancer has a definite genderqueer edge to her…

Ms10: Is that a girl?

Me: (expecting an in depth conversation about gender presentation) It’s complicated… I’m think it’s a male character dressed up as a female singer.

Ms10: That’s not that complicated.

Yellow Dancer is, by the way, voiced by the same artist who was Max Sterling. When she’s attacked in a bar, a blonde woman in red (Rook!) comes to her rescue and the two of them kick a bunch of ass.

When Scott and Rand walk into the bar, they find Rook in mid-brawl. Scott recognises her from their fight and refuses to let Rand jump in because she can obviously handle herself. (Okay, nice once, Scott) He only changes his mind when it’s about five again one, and even then, Rook bitches him out about butting in.

Yellow Dancer emerges from the shadows and is properly grateful to the boys. Rand dissolves into fanboy incoherence because he needs an autograph like, now.

Another new character, Lunk (an obvious reincarnation of Ben Dixon, sharing the same voice artist and many of the same character traits), is a large fellow in a yellow headband being chased by a biker gang despite the fact that there is rubble everywhere, so obviously being on foot would be a serious advantage.

Scott rescues him too, just for the hell of it, though Lunk is no more grateful than Rook was. Turns out Lunk has friends who need to be rescued and he’s too much of a coward to do it himself, so Scott heroes up AGAIN and zooms off to do it.

Properly shamed, Lunk borrows a bike and leads the rest of them off, posse-style, while the narrator gets a bit hot and bothered with Wild West analogies. Annie is getting hot and bothered too, and declares that Lunk is the man for her.

Seriously, Annie is such a creepy stalker, no matter how old she is.

Rook and Rand have obvious romantic chemistry, Robotech-style, which means they’re pissing each other off with everything that comes out of their mouths – she’s a know it all nag and he’s an overgrown adolescent with a slight hint of sexism. Yes, basically they are Rick and Lisa.

Lunk, like everyone else, seems to know that Scott is a member of the REF, and wonders if he’d be capable of flying a Veritech.

Sweetie, you had him at “Veritech.”

Annie is suspicious of Yellow Dancer hanging out with the combatants (the two of them are waiting in the car together) until Yellow Dancer assures her with a very pissed off expression that she has no romantic interest in any of the dudes.

I respect that Yellow Dancer is well aware of how creepy Annie is.

After their battle, Lunk decides to ditch his friends and join the posse, official-like. Annie is sad because she promised herself she’d never marry a soldier – given that Lunk very politely turned her down thirty seconds earlier for being too young for him, this is a good thing all around.

The surprise is that Yellow Dancer wants in too.

Scott: Don’t be ridiculous. This is no job for a cocktail lounge chorus girl.

Yellow Dancer: There’s a lot more to me than meets the eye.

Scott: The only thing I see is a woman in a slinky outfit.

Yellow Dancer: Wrong on both counts, mister. I’ve got something to show you…

To everyone’s shock, Yellow Dancer turns her back, slowly strips out of her corset, wipes off her makeup and reveals herself to be a man. A hot, shirtless man.

Thereby breaking Rand’s little fanboy heart, and making everyone else feel kinda sexually confused. Oh, anime. You went there. Yeah you did.

I do feel that Yellow Dancer – now revealed to be Lancer – was better clad for battle when wearing the corset.

This weekly rewatch of classic animated space opera Robotech is brought to you as bonus content for the Musketeer Space project.

Thanks to everyone who has linked, commented, or sponsored me.

You can support Musketeer Space at Patreon.

Friday Links Directed Twilight & All She Got Was This Cupcake

It’s Friday! This week, I’m excited about my new short story publication “Fake Geek Girl” in the Australian Review of Fiction, and also my new author newsletter which you can sign up for here.

Next week I will be in MELBOURNE where I am Guest of Honour at Continuum! Eeeee!

This interview with successful women in the film industry about the terrible statistics about how many women directors get to work in film and television is fascinating, depressing and oh, so relevant. It’s not the sexism to your face that kills your career, it’s what happens behind your back, and what is actually built into the system… gah.

I really loved this essay about Real Genius, and why it’s still such an important (and beloved) film about geekery, 30 years later. I have a soft spot for Real Genius largely out of nostalgia – it’s one of my partner’s favourites and he basically courted me with 80′s movies until I moved in with him – but this essay reminded me of all the reasons why it’s not just funny and cute, but genuinely great. And not just because of Val Kilmer’s hair!

The Mary Sue has a good piece on the lack of Black Widow merch – the gender-obsessed marketing of toys is one of my pet topics but even I’m sick and tired of it now because it doesn’t get any better (Disney you make me sad). Still, this is a great piece about the economics behind the issue. When we have Natasha Romanov lunch boxes, the culture war will be ours. (I notice no one even talks about the lack of Scarlet Witch merchandise, are we supposed to wait until she’s been ignored through a second movie too?)

I don’t usually rec fanfic (maybe I should!) but this is an cute piece about Donna Noble, Ianto Jones and Pepper Potts at a conference, swapping war stories about their terrible “bosses”: Never Have I Ever, by st_aurafina

Here’s a couple more Fury Road updates (check back to my Mad Max As Feminist Ally post from time to time, I’ve been gathering all the good ones there at the end of the article):

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD by Liz Bourke at Sleeps With Monsters (Tor.com)

MAD MAX: BEYOND PATRIARCHY — ON FURY ROAD’S (2015) VISUAL RHETORIC AND APOCALYPTIC SOCIAL REBIRTH by Shaun Duke at Totally Pretentious.

“Fake Geek Girl” & Review of Australian Fiction

Holly Hallow is the lead singer of a band called Fake Geek Girl. You might have heard of them – at the very least, you’ve probably seen the vid of “Witches Roll Dice, Bitches,” which went viral last summer, and there are quotes from their classic song “Someone Is Wrong On the Internet” all over Tumblr and Mirrorweb.

If you go to Belladonna University, there’s no question that you’ve heard of the band. They play every Friday night down at Medea’s Cauldron, and whether you’re in the College of the Real or the College of the Unreal, you’ve seen my sister screaming out at you from one of the flyers posted around campus.

“Fake Geek Girl,” by Tansy Rayner Roberts, Review of Australian Fiction Vol 14 – Issue 4

So this is exciting! I was invited to contribute a story to Review of Australian Fiction this year, and I took the opportunity to write a novelette that has been burning a hole in my brain for ages – a story about share houses, university life, magic, fandom and friendship. I’m really proud of “Fake Geek Girl,” and very attached to the characters – I plan to be writing more in this world, because I can’t possibly be done with Hebe, Holly, Sage, Juniper and the rest of them.

Even better, I was given the opportunity to choose the emerging writer whose story would be paired with mine in the issue! No pressure, right?

I asked Stephanie Lai, one of the contributors to Cranky Ladies of history. I was delighted that she agreed, and wrote a story that I am entirely in love with.

“The Dan Dan Mian of the Apocalypse” is a story about a young woman whose family are managing (just) to keep their small town Chinese restaurant going even though the world has ended. Water magic, family recipes, and what makes a superhero, all wrapped up in beautiful writing.

She checks her status bars as she yawns, to see if anything happened overday. Her PV levels are okay, and her water levels are where she expects them to be. She still has a tiny bit of gas left, nothing stolen while she slept. They can use the wok today, get some real wok hei going in the dry fry.

Bunyip is waking up as she rolls her blinds up and pulls out her flours: pinch of salt and weights of flour and dash of macadamia oil and finally, last of all, most precious, the water, so hard to come by. She kneads the dough firmly, counter-clockwise; listens to the clop of camel hooves outside and a braying in the distance. The ferals have come close in the night, perhaps. She wonders if anyone caught one.

Good eating in a country town, though fridges are rare, now, and Clara prefers to keep her energy for lighting. So if there’s fresh camel going, she’ll take it for the menu tonight.“The Dan Dan Mian of the Apocalypse,” by Stephanie Lai, Review of Australian Fiction Vol 14 – Issue 4

Review of Australian Fiction puts out an issue featuring new work by two Australian writers every two weeks. You can buy the new issue in mobi & DRM-free ePub format for $2.99. Subscriptions cost $12.99 for 6 issues.

Book available at Tomely