Jennifer Fraser's Blog: How I Became an Unlikely Whistleblower, page 5
December 5, 2015
Heart-Breaking Review of Teaching Bullies
By Amazon Customer on November 17, 2015
I had to stop reading after the first chapter. I had tears welling up in my eyes remembering what my youngest son had to go through. Being verbal abused/degraded with other basketball players and being denied an opportunity to compete for junior varsity; a right he and others earned. Hearing parent feared retaliation against their kids if they complain. Seeing and experiencing the walls of silence and protection go up. As a parent being denied access to people to report this abuse. Sitting in front of the athletic director as he said the worse things about my son. Feeling helpless and realizing the parents were right about retaliation. Knowing that there were adults who were willing to hurt my son for voicing concerns about abuse. Realizing how many parents and teachers were willing to look the other way. This happen in 1998/1999. Jennifer’s book is talking and identifying teacher bullies/abuse that has been around for years. This book should be reading for all parents whose children play sports. All teachers need to read to be part of the solution not part of the cover up. Coaches should read it to remember who they are coaching and why they are coaching. Jennifer talks about the psychological and physiology effects of bullying and abuse on young men and boys. Her book is must read and should inspire all of us to fight bullying and abuses in our school and playing fields.
Review by Author and Anti-Bullying Advocate
5.0 out of 5 stars
Critical Questions for Parents and Educators
By HS on September 16, 2015
In Teaching Bullies, Dr. Jennifer Fraser identifies the essential, moral question of the 21st Century:
How do we prepare our children for a tough, cruel, global society, where ISIS runs amok, social media aggrandizes dangerous behavior, and governments control their citizens through intimidation?
Do we abuse our youth by “toughening them up” using degrading techniques or do we empower them with the life-enhancing ability to choose fearless and determined independence?
In my opinion, the latter holds more value.
Coaches are responsible for the development of student character. Dr. Fraser makes an effective case that the goal of prep school athletics, believe or not school administrators and alumni, is not about winning championships. It’s about 360 degree, community-based child-rearing.
Whole brain child neuroscience teaches us how teenaged brains function, how they can be wounded, and how they can be healed. Dr. Fraser posits that we may not be able to prevent abuse in society but we can equip ourselves and our children to minimize the damage and to claim ultimate victory over those who would destroy us for institutional preservation purposes.
She demonstrates how the freedom to choose our response to aggression gives us transformative power. When we decide to fight for our dignity using our knowledge and skills, we cannot hear the taunts from Trumpish courts chanting “loser.” Instead, we possess the power to redefine the situation and to move into more healthy and rewarding situations. Even those who find themselves in the most traumatic situations can reach for meaning in their lives and discover sturdy hope.
I realize this may sound arrogant as my traumas and those of high school athletes are, after all, first world problems and healing is accessible to all of us. But, Dr. Fraser’s book and its many references to the work being done by neuropsychiatrists makes me wonder if perhaps my personal and professional emphasis on intervention and prevention was not misplaced.
Power structures always insist on the demonization of others. Perhaps child and civil rights advocates would better spend their energy making legal systems responsive and providing greater accessibility to the therapies that have been proven effective? I do not have the answer to this question, but Dr. Fraser’s journey stimulated the query.
And. Isn’t that why we read heart-wise books like Teaching Bullies — to identify patterns and create strategies that work?
Thank you, Dr. Fraser, for your courage in sharing your thought-filled journey.
Harriet Showman
writer and creator of invisible-i-am.com book and artwork
former executive director, Children’s Trust Fund of South Carolina
Review by author of Bravery, Bullies & Blowhards
Abusive coaching has long-term effects.By Lorna Stremcha on November 22, 2015
Teaching Bullies Zero Tolerance on the Court or in the Classroom chronicles 14 teen lives as they maneuver their way through the arduous grievance process set by schools and courts. Jennifer Fraser Ph.D. shows the emotional effects abusive coaching/teaching has on a young mind.
She clearly demonstrates through documentation and testimony how some student athletes perceive their coaches as “God like” and the dangers of such a mindset.
The emotional effects abusive coaches have on athletes are likened to the abusive effects a child experiences growing up in a violent household.
The ball players in Teaching Bullies, much like a child living in a violent home, fall prey to depression, embarrassment, and worry, to name a few. The social effects are much like an individual that experiences workplace abuse/bullying are, but not limited to; isolation, low self-esteem, withdrawal, and trust. Although the 14 athletes are subjected to such abuses and ostracized for taking a stand they muster the courage it takes and should be role models.
Everyone deserves the right to feel safe and be treated with respect in our schools whether in the classroom or on the court. Jennifer’s book is a must read for anyone that cares about the education system.
Teacher Reviews Teaching Bullies
Dr. Jennifer Fraser’s book: Teaching Bullies: Zero Tolerance in the Court and in the Classroom is excellent. Her writing is smooth and professionally flows putting everything out there. It brings out so many more questions about society and life. Abuse is horrific and terrifying. The victims are “attacked” yet again by our courts for speaking up. Strange society we are. How can we change the “system”?
Review by UBC Director
building better and more accountable models throughout many of our schools
By Jane Hutton on October 22, 2015
Jennifer’s well-researched approach and personal truth about this critically important topic creates a powerful story, The book is both an academically rigorous document, as well as a tale of family and professional courage. Through specific and heart-wrenching experiences, she makes a strong case and an impassioned plea for action. I hope we all hear the message, building better and more accountable models throughout many of our school, civic and judicial systems, protecting our children as the highest guiding principle. I thank Jennifer and her family for standing up and speaking out!
Parent Reviews Teaching Bullies
Teaching Bullies tackles subject matter that NEEDS to be discussed by parents, schools and ultimately lawmakers.
By Kathryn Slakov on October 14, 2015
The author explores the power teachers and coaches have over our youth and the damage that can be done when that power is abused. Emotional or verbal abuse is hard for anyone to fend off but children are particularly vulnerable and as such need to be more protected by society. The author makes this issue tangible for the reader by using her own personal experiences both as a teacher and as a parent. She tells the story of how ongoing verbal abuse endured by high school athletes (and her own son) at the school where she herself was a teacher was dismissed despite the concerted efforts of parents and in particular 14 courageous student-athletes who came forward to document their experiences. Teaching Bullies, well researched but still very accessible, explores the vulnerability of the adolescent brain and the permanent damage that this type of abuse can lead to .
Having personally experienced (from my own teenage years) the negative power and influence teachers can have over their students and the resulting scars that can be left I highly recommend this book and hope it initiates greater awareness and in the end positive change to the justice system.
Parent of Child Bullied by Teachers
5.0 out of 5 stars
providing sad real example of how even much younger athletes still … Aug. 8 2015
By George Stockus
An important read for coaches, teachers, school administrators, government education regulators and sports psychologists.
Anyone associated with sport can appreciate the positive life lessons in hard work and constructive minded coaching. However what happens when lines are crossed, and coaching masked as tough-minded is destructive, abusive? Dr. Fraser explores real life implications of lines crossed and institutional short-comings in addressing such problems. High profile NCAA cases have maybe elevated this conversation some but Dr. Fraser goes further, providing sad real example of how even much younger athletes still endure bad and harmful coaching experiences in high school or club sport levels. Systemically we must do more to protect kids.
Both of his children were among the twelve students who spoke to the Toronto Star.
http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2015/03/14/teachers-bullying-scarred-us-say-student-athletes.html
Lawyer Reviews Teaching Bullies
Dr. Fraser is to be commended for writing an accessible down to earth guide to understanding the multi dimensional nature of the harm that occurs when teachers bully students. This is not a topic we see yet, either in the literature or in popular books, although the press around the teacher bullying that has happened at some leading US universities indicates that public interest in it is wide, likely based on the reality that it is an all too common experience for students.
Parents will want to read this book to understand more of their own and their children’s experiences. When a child comes home from school complaining of peer bullying, the system around them has grown to provide at least some support. The child is no longer ostracized, at least by the adults, in the school system. Complaints are often taken seriously. But when a child expresses concern, either verbally or through behaviour, about the bullying conduct of a teacher, it is much less clear how a parent should respond. Therefore, Dr. Fraser’s book is an important guide to the literature on harmful impacts.
Nowhere is this more needed and less understood than in the realm of sports coaching. Teaching Bullies will educate and empower parents to stand up for their children and make it much easier to hold the bullies, and the administrations that surround and support them, to account.
Fewer teachers will bully after they read this, as they will understand power dynamics much better. But teachers should read this book, even if they themselves do not bully so that they will be able to name bullying behaviour as harmful when they see it in their colleagues.
Our education systems currently demand that bullying students be held to account, but do not deal effectively with bullying teachers especially if they are coaches. The whole school may turn out for an important game. If teacher-coach bullying is routine, one of the reasons it exists is because of the role of collegial bystanders. Fraser’s book looks at the normalizing of bullying in sports and the challenge in speaking up for students and their parents when the bully is the teacher-coach and part of a school system.
Administrators will want to read this book both to understand the phenomenon and to help them to protect themselves and their institution from potential liability as these pathways open up as a means used by desperate parents to protect their children.
Mental health professionals will seek out this book as they are the ones who must handle the aftermath, as children who were bullied by revered teachers and teacher-coaches decades ago end up in their offices with unresolved psychological issues stemming back to the harm that was inflicted at that time.
Policy makers will be interested in this book. The governance of education and educators has dealt now with peer bullying and although there is more work to be done, it is at the implementation stage in many jurisdictions. But there is no systemic approach to protecting children who are victimized by their teachers. Even in jurisdictions where teacher conduct is effectively scrutinized too often coach behaviour is excused. And when it too is regulated, independent schools remain outside the regulatory framework in many jurisdictions. Policy makers will find this book a useful introduction and guide to the reason for concern as well as to the literature and press on the issue in the North American and British context.
Dr. Fraser uses her skill as a story-teller to draw the reader in with personal experiences but she keeps us there with research and strong analysis. This book should be an essential resource for any parent or educator seeking help in learning how to avoid the harm caused by teacher bullies.
Patricia Lane Lawyer*/Mediator/Arbitrator
Former Pro-Athlete Reviews Teaching Bullies
It’s time to Teach Bullies (especially Coaching Bullies & Teaching Bullies) that’s it’s NOT COOL, not to BE KIND!
By Living With Compassion on August 8, 2015
♥…as a former Professional Athlete, who played Baseball @Ucla, and had the Privilege of being mentored by Coach Wooden (*Ahem* Who won 10 National Championships, with only Love, Discipline, & Kindness), it hurts my Heart that young people are the recipients of emotional & physical violence, at the hands of those who have SO much influence & leverage over their Academic & Athletic careers!
What Doctor Fraser lays out in ‘Teaching Bullies: Zero Tolerance On The Court’ is an amazing story of what happened to 14 Brave young Souls, who had the courage to (like Apple says) “Challenge The Status Quo”. She explains the particulars, and delves into the Psyche of the Athletes, of the Parents, of the Institutions (who collectively contribute to the culture), and even the Authors of violence, themselves!
If you’re the recipient of perpetual hazing (aka bullying), you need this book! If you’re the Parent of a child in that situation, you need this book! If you’re a new Parent who wants the best for their Children, you need this book, and if you’re an Author of violence that wants a way out, you also need this book! Thank You Doctor Fraser for illustrating the challenges we face, sharing your personal story, offering Compassion, and delving into policy adaptations to address the issue of ‘Teaching Bullies’. May we all learn to #BeKindAndListen
Teacher Reviews Teaching Bullies
By Margot G. MacDougall on September 27, 2015
Dr. Jennifer Fraser's book: Teaching Bullies: Zero Tolerance in the Court and in the Classroom is excellent. Her writing is smooth and professionally flows putting everything out there. It brings out so many more questions about society and life. Abuse is horrific and terrifying. The victims are "attacked" yet again by our courts for speaking up. Strange society we are. How can we change the "system"?
How I Became an Unlikely Whistleblower
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