Sundi Jo Graham's Blog, page 43

Lies that Make You Think You’re Fat

Peer pressure is at an all time high these days. Though I don’t have a study to prove it, my common sense tells me so.

photo credit: tq2cute

Turn the TV on and you’ll see sex everywhere. Skinny chicks are at the forefront of every commercial. If they’re not skinny, then it’s probably a commercial telling you how to lose weight.

The world strives for perfection. We’re supposed to do the same, right?

There is a new diet peering around every corner. “Drink this and lose that.” “Take this pill and you’re life will change forever.” “Eat bread and you may die.” (Okay, I might have slightly exaggerated on that last one, but you get the point.)

We’re missing the key ingredient to believing the truth: being in line with the One whom created us.

Before I write any further, let me say this: I’m writing this to myself first and foremost, because I need to be reminded just like you.

I may have lost 145 lbs., but my struggles are still very real and there are still moments I find myself in bondage. I’m working my way out of one of those times as we speak.

I’m guest posting over at River of Thoughts today.

Click here to read the rest of the post…

 

Becoming a Life Changer

This is a guest post by Tammy Helfrich. She is a blogger and life changer at tammyhelfrich.com. She’s written a new eBook I’m excited for you to learn about.

Inspiring stories motivate me. It’s what drew my attention to Sundi Jo. She has an incredible story, and she is using it to help and inspire others.

I believe these stories need to be told. I look at Sundi Jo’s story and think, “If she can lose the weight she needed to, maybe I can do the same!” When we see someone who has worked hard to achieve a goal and who shares honestly about how difficult it was, we can usually relate.

The last year and a half has been about making lifestyle changes for me. Like Sundi Jo talks about in her ebook, Step Away from the Diet, I am learning to step away from them too. I have done almost every diet imaginable. I’ve lost and gained back more weight than I want to even imagine.

But, this time is different. I’m learning to eat better and to work out consistently. While my goal is to lose weight, it is more important to me to get healthy this time. I want to enjoy being with my husband and two sons for many years to come.

Sundi Jo has been a big inspiration to me. Her weight loss and outlook on life are contagious.

I call people like her LifeChangers. They’re just like us, but they decided to do something different. in the process, they change their life or the lives of people around them.

I believe in celebrating these stories. It’s why I started a series on my blog to highlight these people, and also why I expanded it into an ebook. Becoming a LifeChanger: Move Away from Ordinary is available for free when you subscribe to my blog. You can also get a copy on Amazon here.

I would love to connect with you and hear your story. Who is a LifeChanger in your life? Celebrate them in the comments below.

Why You Just Might be the Problem

You’re not losing weight. Your relationships seem to be going nowhere. You’re still at the bottom of the ladder at your job, with no hopes of climbing anytime soon. God isn’t answering your prayers. Nothing goes right in your life.

photo credit: gogoloopieGo

What if the reason things aren’t going well in life is because of you?

That may be hard to swallow at first glance, I know, but think about it for a minute.

I used to think everything bad that happened in my life was every one else’s fault. I got fired from that job because my boss just didn’t understand me. Most likely the truth revolved around the fact that I had serious issues with authority.

I was morbidly obese because my sexual abusers hurt me and forced me to eat. The truth was I chose to eat to cover up the emotions I didn’t want to deal with due to the trauma of those events. My weight problem was my fault, no one else’s.

It’s so easy to blame others for our troubles, especially God. We get frustrated because he isn’t answering our prayers. What if the problem really isn’t on God’s end, but ours?

I’m guest posting over at Grow With Stacy today.

Click here to read the rest of the post.. 

Staying Positive in the Midst of Negativity

Have you ever been so excited about a new adventure in your life that you wanted to shout it from the rooftops, or at least tweet about it?

Me too.

photo credit: cokessnlfan

You’ve waited for an opportunity. You’ve prayed about it. You told your friends about it. Then you waited for it to happen.

The day finally comes and the opportunity you’ve been seeking happens. You’re overjoyed, thrilled beyond words, feeling blessed, and super excited to share with the world.

But something strange happens when you share the news. Someone quickly rains on your parade and all of a sudden the exciting news isn’t so exciting anymore.

Have you been there?

I recently received some great news regarding an opportunity I had been hoping for. After I shared with a few close friends and my mom, of course, I shared it with some others.

That’s when the rain started coming down. My celebration abruptly stopped after the somber reply to my good news. Quickly it had turned from celebration to sadness.

For a brief moment I started to feel the sadness myself, but then quickly realized I was taking on the emotions of another person and losing focus on the reasons I had to count my blessings.

Renewing Our Minds

I didn’t write off his feelings of sadness, but I didn’t soak in them either. Instead, I acknowledged his feelings and then encouraged him

I made the decision to focus on the many others that celebrated with me versus the one that didn’t. My mood was better for it.

It’s so easy to get in the habit of allowing others to dictate our feelings. If someone is sad, we often begin to feel sad. The same goes for anger, bitterness, and many other emotions.

The Bible gives us instructions on how to renew our mind. It’s just a matter of putting it into action – something I’m still trying to make happen.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

There’s an old SNL skit called “Debbie Downer” played by Rachel Dratch. Debbie and her family members sit around the table making small talk. Through each piece of conversation, Debbie Downer manages to find something negative to throw into the mix, followed by a “wah-wah” sound and a muted trombone.

The mood in the room eventually matches that of Dratch’s character and soon everyone becomes a downer.

Though the skit was hilarious, the truth behind it isn’t. The truth is if we’re not renewing our minds, we’ll eventually conform to the patterns of those Debbie Downer’s in our lives.

Thinking on Such Things

If you put me on a deserted island and I had the choice of two books, I’d pick the Bible first and Tommy Newberry’s book, The 4:8 Principle, second.

In Newberry’s book, he teaches the principles of renewing your mind. He reminds us to think on things that are lovely, pure, admirable, praiseworthy, and excellent.

You can’t think 4:8 thoughts and be a Debbie Downer at the same time. (Tweet that)

He didn’t have to go far to do the research on the power of thinking on such things. Philippians 4:8-9 is pretty clear.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Take a conscious look at those around you. Do they lift you up or bring you down? Do you walk away from them feeling better or do they wear you out? If yes, to the latter I recommend pulling the tooth as quickly as possible, or at least decreasing the amount of time you spend with them.

You’ll be better for it, and so will those around you.

How have you had to deal with the Debbie Downer’s in your life? Leave a comment below…

Why Your Answer to Overcoming Pain, Illness, and Addictions Are Found in this Book

I love to read. If I’m not reading a book, I’m usually talking about one.

I also love to say yes when someone asks me to review a book. Afterall, there’s nothing better than getting a free book, right?

A couple of weeks ago I received a book in the mail with a letter thanking me for offering to review the advanced copy. My first thought was, Crap! I don’t have time to read this book by the date she needs it. I’ve got to stop offering to review books. 

The worst part? The author’s name rang a bell but I couldn’t for the life of me remember where I had met her, or when I had agreed to review the book. Shh.. don’t tell her that. I hesitantly pulled the book from the package and after reading the title, something in me felt urged to read it.

Dr. Rita Hancock asked this question on the back cover, “What’s keeping you from total wellness?” It caught my attention. From the moment my eyes hit the first page, I knew God was going to use this book to change the lives of so many, including mine.

Radical Well-being: A biblical guide to overcoming pain, illness, and addictions, describes so many things I worked through during the year I spent at the Table Rock Freedom Center, a discipleship program for women. From focusing on inner healing to believing the truth about who we really are, this book took me on a journey of emotions I wasn’t expecting.

We believe too many lies about who we are.

Everything we think isn’t truth, especially the lies that our past tells us. Small childhood events can turn into adult traumas and before we know it life has spun out of control. It doesn’t have to be that way though. Stress and lies don’t have to control our lives if we don’t allow them to.

There is more to each of us than meets the eye.

It’s easy to forget there is more to us than just the body, or the mind. Our mind, body, and spirit are connected. One doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to without the other.

It’s possible to see life through God’s eyes.

The prince of the world, also known as the accuser, is continually whispering lies to us. The next thing you know we’re falling into some type of harmful behavior, whether drug addiction or overeating. What if we stopped believing the lies that cause us to do these things and traded those for the truth God wants us to know?

As Dr. Hancock writes,

You have to know what you are to know what you’re not.

We can’t just take a few thoughts captive.

We have to take them all captive. Whether bitterness is taking root, or the need to be in control is our top priority, there is something deeper inside that needs to be changed. Forgiveness is the answer to bitterness, but how do you get there? It might be easier than you think.

There is healing in your future.

Your true identity is waiting to be revealed. Emotional and physical healing are waiting to happen. If you think physical problems aren’t related to emotional issues, there is so much to learn.

Sometimes it takes inner healing to break through and be set free. I know it worked for me, even if it did feel awkward when I first started.

I wasn’t expecting to have the reaction to this book that I did, but at the end of each chapter I found myself asking God to show me if there was something standing in the way of not only my physically healing in areas, but if there was still emotional healing that needs to take place. I’m not sure what journey he is preparing to take me on, but I have a feeling there are still some things he wants to show me.

I usually don’t go this in-depth about a book, but this isn’t just another book. It’s truth, grace, healing, and so much more wrapped into one. It’s an opportunity to heal from your past and move forward to a better future.

I can’t thank Rita enough for investing the time into writing this book (affiliate link), as I know that each person willing to pick it up and read it cannot walk away without being changed in one way or another.

Is God showing you an area in your life where you still need healing? Please share in the comments below….

A New Year of Intentional Living

One word. Since 2011, it’s changed my opinion on making New Year’s Resolutions. I don’t make them anymore. Instead, I narrow my focus on one simple, yet life changing word, or as the folks over at One Word 365 put it,

One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live. One word that you can focus on every day, all year long.

Last year my word was radical, inspired by David Platt in his life-changing book, Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream.  (affiliate link) It’s been a word I’ve both loved and hated.

Living that word out has caused me to step outside of my comfort zone, abandon myself, speak the truth of the Gospel, and so much more. It brought pain, tears, laughter, and I know without a doubt that lives were changed, especially mine.

This year my word is intentional. It means to do things on purpose; be deliberate. Sometimes I struggle to be present in an age of urgency, but I’m setting out to change that. Though I want to make plans for my future, I want to live in the moment as well.

Relationships are required.

At times I tend to check out in the middle of a conversation. Not because I’m not interested or want to be rude (okay, sometimes I’m really not interested), but because my mind goes elsewhere.

I’ve always been a daydreamer. From the time I was a little girl I used daydreaming as a way to escape from my reality. Today, however, my reality is great. My past doesn’t define me. God is doing incredible things and I want to savor the moments.

I have amazing people in my life who have invested countless hours into my growth. I want to be intentional and do the same with them. Not only that, but I need to work on being present with those who aren’t my closest friends. I want my reactions, my words, my presence to show others that I care and am invested in them, even if it’s only for a five-minute conversation.

Time is of the essence.

I struggle with impatience. I don’t particularly like to wait or be late for things. Sometimes, though, my lack of patience causes me to be in too big of a hurry.

For instance, I eat fast. I usually have my food done before others have finished half of theirs. This means I don’t take the time to savor and enjoy what’s in front of me. As a person who has struggled with weight all of her life, this isn’t a good habit to have.

I want to be intentional about enjoying my food, soaking in the flavors and the conversation that goes with eating meals around the table with friends and family. This goes back to the being intentional in the relationships part.

I want to be still enough to “smell the roses”. Better yet, I want to be quiet enough to listen when God is trying to speak to me instead of trying to put him on speaker phone while I run errands, then wonder why my mind is tired.

So, today is the beginning of living a new word. 365 days of living intentionally. 8765.81 hours of living on purpose, for a purpose greater than myself.

Feel free to hold me to the agreement. I love accountability. Oh.. and if we’re in a conversation and my eyes glaze over, feel free to kick me under the table and tell me to stop daydreaming, unless of course it’s a really good dream.

What about you? What one word would you like to live out in 2013? Share in the comments below… 

Vintage Dreams

Writing is an art. Storytelling is an art. I love to do both, so why not share with you?

Jeff Goins has challenged me recently to step out of my comfort zone and share with the world, so here goes it. I wrote this short story sitting in my favorite coffee shop last year. It’s been sitting in an Evernote file since then, but now I’m sharing it with you.

photo credit: billy hara (creative commons)

Enjoy.

She glares at the back of his plaid, wrinkled shirt, staring at his salt and pepper hair as the bottom of the coffee cup tilts with his head. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t look back. For three hours she’s been sitting in the tiny coffee shop and he hasn’t moved an inch. She wonders if he even knows she’s there.

The phone rings and interrupts their productive silence. A quick stare confirms he is indeed aware of her existence. She talks and nods as to confirm to the recipient on the other end of the line that she indeed cares about their conversation. The truth is, she doesn’t. Caring seems to be far from her radar.

Everything inside of her screams to reach out to the stranger in the room, believing if he knew how she felt, perhaps he could rescue her from the pain. The pain that eats away every second of every day. She wonders if he got one glimpse into her eyes if he would see that her smile is simply a facade. She hides it from the world. Won’t he see it? Won’t someone pay attention?

Perhaps he is the one. Maybe he is the guy that will sweep her off her feet and take the reality of shame away. If only he would look back once more.  He tilts his head again for another sip of coffee and loses himself in the world of spreadsheets and emails. Another person in the world that doesn’t understand.

For a moment, however, she pretends he does. He drops his napkin from the vintage cafe table and as he reaches down to pick it up, sees her. He smiles and says, “Hello.” She returns the greeting. This time their eyes lock and blue and green hues meet for what seems like an eternity. His eyes spell understanding as hers spell relief. Over coffee they spill details of their lives as though they’ve known each other for years. His spreadsheets disappear and cupped hands over hers take their place. Bliss.

She’s told him everything and yet he stays. Secret after secret is revealed and the harder they become to share, the more his gentle smile wipes her fears away. Could it be love? She wants it to be. Does he want the same? She gets her answer, as he stands, takes her hand and pulls her close. They dance to Sinatra and the world disappears around them. It must be love.

The phone rings and she takes a double look as the reality of her surroundings shock her. Another daydream. She nods again on the other end of the line, as his footsteps grow distant. His plaid shirt fades and soon he is out of sight. It’s gone. Her dream of rescue is over. All that’s left is an empty coffee cup and the overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

Perhaps tomorrow will again bring a glimpse of light.

Get Free Books For You and a Friend

Merry Christmas to you. I hope this Christmas is the best for you yet.

It’s not everyday I write about causes I believe in, but today is that day. Before I tell you about this awesome ministry, I want to tell you about the free books waiting to be in your hands.

photo credit: jeff goins

What you get

a digital copy of Jeff Goins’ book, Wrecked (in three eBook formats)
a digital copy of Kingdom Journeys by Seth Barnes (in three eBook formats)
Wrecked Action Guide
Kingdom Journeys Discussion Questions

That’s over $94 worth of free stuff ($47 for both you and a friend) just for being generous.

FYI: I’ve read both of these books and they are AMAZING!

Jeff Goins, an amazing writer, idea guy, and friend of Jesus, is leading a vision trip to Guatemala next year, and he needs your help. He and his team will be working with orphans and church planters.

Between now and January 2, 2013, you can give a tax-deductible donation to Adventures in Missions and get the four digital bonuses mentioned above for yourself and a friend — for free!

How it works

Make a donation to Adventures in Missions for their upcoming Wrecked trip (any amount you’d like to give).
Forward your email receipt to  wreckedadventures@gmail.com .
Follow the instructions you’ll get via email to get access to the gifts.
Forward that email to one friend so they can sign up, too.
That’s it! You’ll get access to an exclusive page where you can download the two free books plus the two bonuses.

Want To Go on the Trip?

Jeff says there are still a few more spots left for the trip. If I wasn’t going to Moldova in March, I would be on board in a second. Check out the details here.

Would you consider helping Jeff and his team today?

Your gift is tax-deductible and will support the upcoming vision trip to Guatemala, where they will work with orphans and church-planters. If you have any questions, you can contact Jeff via email at jeff@goinswriter.com. This offer expires Jan. 2, 2013. Go here to make a gift now.

The Art of Grieving

I miss her. She was a mentor, a friend, a confidant. I sat under her authority, confided in her with some of my deepest, darkest secrets, and shared many laughs with her.

photo credit: grungetextures (creative commons)

It seems as though one day she was here and the next she wasn’t. I would like to say the change happened overnight, but it really didn’t. It was a gradual process – little things here and there.

I’d get a check in my spirit, but I’d brush it off because I thought she could be trusted. I should’ve listened to my gut, but I didn’t.

Yesterday I was bitter. I didn’t want to talk about her. I didn’t want to think about her. I certainly didn’t want to forgive her. One minute I was furious and the next I found myself missing her terribly.

I’m realizing something though, in the midst of this pain. I’m hurting the right way. I’m grieving.

Grieving Is a Process

It may not look normal as your emotions go up and down, but it is. One day you may be angry, the next your heart is breaking, followed by denial that your relationship no longer exists.

Go through the process, but don’t rush it. I realized recently I’ve been doing this. It’s been three months and I’ve tried to convince myself it should be over already. I should move on and be done with it. That’s not how grieving works.

The Five Stages of Grief

Not everyone goes through each stage and some stay in one longer than the other. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance take place, but not necessarily in that order.

As you may have guessed, I think I’m in the anger stage. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m looking forward to acceptance, but it will come with time and I need to be okay with that. So do you.

Where you are right now doesn’t mean you’ll be there tomorrow.

Stop Rushing

I’m a go-getter. I like to-do lists. There’s something about marking a task off that energizes me, but there are some things we can’t just check off.

Pay bills. Check email. Schedule tweets. Get over it.

I have to remind myself it doesn’t work this way. Rome wasn’t built in a day and our emotions weren’t either. Taking the time to work through each grieving stage, if necessary, is vital to true healing. Any other way is simply a band-aid used to temporarily cover our wounds.

If there is something you need to grieve today, or perhaps you’re in the middle of the process, I encourage you to keep going. Journal about it, talk to a friend, pray. Let me know how I can pray for you – I’d be honored.

How do you handle the grieving process? Any words of wisdom to share? Leave a comment below…

Doing The Unthinkable: How You Can Survive Without Technology

What is the first thought that comes to your mind when you think about forgetting your cell phone? Do you start to panic? Do your palms get sweaty? Do you think of all the things you will miss out on if you’re without this lifeline for 15, 20, even 2 hours?

photo credit: slightly everything (creative commons)

I get it. We live in an age where we have to be connected to everyone, everywhere, all the time. Or so we think.

What if we actually gave ourselves permission to disconnect?

The other day I had plans to meet a friend for dinner and a movie. Since we were meeting at Panera for dinner, I decide to go a couple of hours earlier to have a change of scenery and finish up some work.

As I reached for my bag I realized I had forgotten my cell phone. I could feel a slight panic coming on and my thoughts started to race, going something like this:

I must have my phone. What if someone calls? What if my mom needs something? I won’t be able to check my email during the movie. I can’t check in on Foursquare and let others know I’m at Panera. I have to go home and get it. I need it.

Then I took a deep breath, closed the car door and kept walking towards the entrance. I gave myself permission to go without it. I had survived 18 years without a cell phone. I could survive 5 hours.

As I sat down and the reality hit me that my communication with the world would be “cut off” for the next five hours, I actually felt relieved. I was actually excited. For the next several hours, the only way people could talk to me was face to face.

What does that little silent fit in the parking lot tell me about where we’re at in this age?

We really need to disconnect so that we can reconnect. (Tweet that)

Disconnecting Allows Us To be Present

I sat over dinner with my friend ad had a deep, meaningful conversation. I was fully present in the conversation, not looking over to see who just posted on Facebook, who replied to my tweet, or what the latest news on the Chicago Cubs was. (Yes, I’m a Cubs fan. Please send hate mail to the St. Lois Cardinals Headquarters.)

Eye contact was better. Engagement was more powerful. There were no interruptions. Just two people having a conversation, the way it used to be.

You Have Permission To Not Be Everywhere

You’re only one person. Though there are certainly benefits to the increasing technology we have, there are disadvantages as well. People expect you to be everywhere, all the time.

Sometimes this means calling you again, if you didn’t answer the first time. Other times it’s leaving a text after the voicemail that says to call.

We live in an age of urgency and it’s ruining our lives. (Tweet that too)

Who says we have to be in a hurry? Where is the rule book that tells us we have to be everywhere?

Tell your boss it’s Saturday and you’re not answering emails or texts. Tell your friends you’ll call them back when you get time. Tell people if they want you to call them back, then leave a voice message and you’ll make it happen.

We’re Not As Important As We Think We Are 

When I got home, of course I went straight to my phone. I wanted to know what I had missed.

Four text messages and a Facebook message were displayed on the screen. That was it. Nothing urgent. Nothing that called for my immediate attention. No one needed my advice. Nothing that was important enough for me to drive back home and get the phone I thought I couldn’t live without.

My family was still in tact. My business hadn’t folded in a matter of hours. I still had the same friends I did before.

I didn’t miss a thing.

Actually, I gained. I got the perspective that I need to realign my priorities. I need to be more present in all of my relationships. If I’m going to keep living fully alive, some things need to change. I need to remember that I lived without technology once and I can certainly do it again.

What about you? Is it hard for you to be present? Can you stand the thought of going without your phone? Leave a comment below…