Bryce Moore's Blog, page 158

Groundhog Limerick Finalists

Sorry for the delay in getting these posted. Snow days messed with my timetable a fair bit. However, I was really happy to see the excellent entries from this year’s contest. As I said before, I’m here today to post the top 5 entries, as judged by me. That was the plan, at least. But I didn’t anticipate there being as many great entries as there were, so I’m going to up that number to 10. My blog, my rules. (I eliminated 4. One of them was great, but pretty much taken from a well known limerick, one was mine, one person submitted 2 entries so I took the one I liked the most, and one of them had the word “Groundhog” ten times . . .)

Now you get to vote. I’ll open voting for a week, so any votes cast by Thursday 2/23 at midnight Eastern time will count. There’s only one way to vote: leave a comment here on this blog entry. It’ll be easy for you to tell who’s winning. One vote per person, though I will allow entries to cast multiple votes for each family member. (In other words, if there are 5 people in your family, you can let me know all the votes from your family when you submit your vote.) Voting campaigns aren’t just allowed. They’re encouraged. Next Friday, I’ll count up the winners and announce the lucky entry.

At stake is naming rights in my current TOP SECRET project, which I still can’t tell you about. I guess I’ll just have to leave you in suspense.

In any case, without further ado, here are the finalists:

1

This rodent from old Punxsutawney

Considers himself rather brawny

But I don’t agree

Between you and me

His heart and his brain are both scrawny

2

Once an old groundhog from PA

Snuck into the garden to pray

While there on a stump

He just thought of Trump

And gave up and moved to Bombay.

3

There’s an animal hogging the news

And casting shadows on views

It’s the groundhog, of course

Our annual source

Of featherbrained seasonal clues

4

When pulling me out of a log

Let’s hope there’s not much of a fog

Shadow, I may see

Lest you pay a fee

I’m February’s fat star hog

5

Here we are at the house of Bryce

To celebrate groundhog on ice

Hit by the big truck

Head off like a puck

This poem is not very nice.

6

Fateful day this groundhog delay

Groundhogs keep winter at bay

Blinded by the light

Of shadows in sight

For his shadow was seen at midday.

7

In days of old, when Grandpa Jack was not old,

And hunting laws were not invented,

The groundhog would die,

And on his stove they would fry,

And Jack’s stomach would be most contented.

8

My friend Phil that lives in a burrow

Comes out once a year to say hello.

What he saw means more cold,

Or so I am told.

So the next six weeks I’ll forego.

9

I recently started to worry

That if things don’t change in a hurry

We’ll be doomed to repeat

Sins we thought we had beat.

Just like that film with Bill Murray.

10

There once was a groundhog from Spain

Who stepped in a trap and had pain

His shadow he saw

Six more weeks for pa,

Unless it was starting to rain.

Why Maine Needs the Maine School Library Network

Yesterday I had the chance to drive to Augusta and testify to the state legislature (specifically the Joint Standing Committee on Energy, Utilities, and Technology). There’s a bill that’s working its way through the system: LD 256. In a nutshell, it tweaks the way the Maine School Library Network (MSLN) is funded in order to ensure the network continues to operate in the years to come. Now having sat through a couple hours’ discussion on the bill, I thought it might be useful for me to give you, the people who weren’t there, a quick overview of what the MSLN does and why funding it is important.

Ready?

Back in ye days of olde, some people in the state thought it would be a good idea if blazingly fast internet (56kbps) were available at schools and libraries in Maine. Internet can be expensive, after all. Especially the fast stuff. Also, Maine is kind of a remote place, and there are areas that aren’t just “kind of”. Getting fast internet to those places would be tricky. There aren’t a whole ton of potential customers out there, so internet providers aren’t highly motivated to invest a lot of money in getting the infrastructure to those places.

But what if all the libraries and schools banded together and negotiated a contract for the whole state? Then providers would have the incentive to do just that: bring internet to the farthest reaches of Maine, because if they did, they’d get the juicy state contract. And so it was decided. A law was passed, and there was much rejoicing.

To fund said law, they devised a simple plan: add a fee to each “two way voice communication” in the state. In other words, if you’re talking on the phone to another person, then you’d contribute a bit of money to the MSLN in your monthly bill. For almost 20 years, this worked like a charm. 950+ schools and libraries were able to take advantage of the program. Fast forward to today, and you’ve got a minimum speed of 100mbps, even in the far reaches of the state. Better yet, you’ve got fast internet infrastructure that keeps spreading further into the state. (“Fast” is relative, but this is Maine, folks. We’ll take what we can get.)

However, a problem. More and more people in the nation and the state aren’t using landlines anymore to talk on the phone. They’re using cell phones. No biggie, right? It still qualifies as a “two way voice communication.” Aha! But the trick is, more and more companies are shifting away from having people pay for minutes on their cell phone plan, instead throwing in the phone calls for free if the customers pay for data. Data is not a “two way voice communication,” so there’s no fee collected there.

What this means is that the funding for the MSLN has been declining. It’s about $1.5 million per year less than where it needs to be today. LD 256 aims to fix that. The same companies that collected the fee before will continue to do so (phone/cell/internet companies). But instead of charging a percentage of “two way voice communication” costs, they’ll pay a flat rate. It works out to about $1 per phone subscription per year. This is not an extravagant program. For 8 cents a month on your phone bill, all the schools and libraries in the state get to continue having solid internet speeds, regardless of how remote they are. And internet providers will still be incentivized to keep upping the speeds throughout the state.

The internet is becoming less and less of a luxury and more and more of a necessity. Slow speeds discourage businesses from moving to an area. They discourage residents from wanting to live there. They frustrate families who just want to stream movies and play games and have fun. They’re a real downer. (Just ask my son.) I can’t imagine what my son would do in school if they lost their internet connection. Sure, some of the classes would be fine. Math would still be math. But so much of his research and learning is enhanced through online research and the like. Students in our state deserve fast internet at school. And citizens who can’t have internet at home (because they live too far away from a provider or because they can’t afford it) need to have a way to access high speeds. Libraries provide that free of charge.

The MSLN is a great deal.

However, having testified and been grilled about the bill, I know there are a few questions some might have about it. Allow me to answer them.

First, why not just charge library patrons who use the internet? Why force all Mainers to fund the activity of people who need to come in and use the MSLN? After all, it wouldn’t be inordinately expensive, right? Maybe a few bucks a year or a month. Still a great deal. Perhaps, but there are two big problems with that idea:

The MSLN is only partially funded by the state. 40% of it, to be precise. The other 60% comes from federal funds. Funds that specifically stipulate they’re only available if libraries don’t charge people to use the internet. As soon as you switch to a pay for use system, those monies go away. (Hint: that would be bad.)
The MSLN is able to get as low of a rate as it does because it has such great buying power. It represents so many different libraries and schools that providers are highly motivated to work with them. As soon as some libraries or schools start to peel off and negotiate on their own (because they live in areas with plenty of internet options, for example), then that buying power gets hurt. So the rates for MSLN might go up, which in turn would motivate more organizations to look elsewhere. It turns into a slow death spiral, and nobody wants that. (Seriously.)

The second issue that kept coming up was why libraries and schools didn’t just fundraise the money to cover this on their own. After all, the difference between what the fee is currently bringing in and the money needed to fully fund the program isn’t huge. We’re talking anywhere from a few hundred per library to three thousand dollars for the bigger libraries. Surely they can find it in their budgets to cover that gap?

But once again there are two big problems with that approach:

The gap of funding is increasing each year. It’s estimated it would double this year, so that turns the money libraries would need to cough up to something more like between a thousand dollars all the way up to six thousand dollars. It doesn’t take a financial whiz to see the trend there. It’s not sustainable. Sooner or later (likely sooner), the death spiral would begin.
Most libraries in the state are locally funded, at least to an extent. And local governments are focused on local issues. What’s best for their citizens. They don’t worry about what’s happening in the County or Downeast or some other place in the state. They worry about what their tax payers are saying. The MSLN works because it operates at a state level. It takes into account the greater good. Left to local budgets, some libraries or schools would inevitably peel off . . . and we’re back to spirals of death.

The thing is, the MSLN is an awesome program. It works, and it works well. Other states look at it and are envious. It’s something Maine is doing very right, and all that needs to happen is for Maine to keep doing it. It literally helps everyone in the state, and it can keep doing that for pennies a month. Again, this isn’t proposing to increase the funding for the program. LD 256 just tries to have people continue to pay what they’ve been paying for the last 20 years. No one’s been complaining about it. The only reason it’s been changing is because pesky technology has changed the way people pay for phone calls.

So if you live in Maine and would like to see this wonderful program continue to thrive and avoid spirals of any sort, please speak up. The members of the Joint Standing Committee on Energy, Utilities, and Technology are as follows:

Senator David Woodsome (R-York), Chair
Senator Andre E. Cushing III (R-Penobscot)
Senator Mark N. Dion (D-Cumberland)
Representative Seth A. Berry (D-Bowdoinham), Chair
Representative Deane Rykerson (D-Kittery)
Representative Jennifer L. DeChant (D-Bath)
Representative Janice E. Cooper (D-Yarmouth)
Representative Christina Riley (D-Jay)
Representative Heather B. Sanborn (D-Portland)
Representative Nathan J. Wadsworth (R-Hiram)*
Representative Lance Evans Harvell (R-Farmington)
Representative Beth A. O’Connor (R-Berwick)
Representative Jeffery P. Hanley (R-Pittston)

Reach out to them and let them know you support LD 256!

Happy Birthday, DC!

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My oldest daughter turned 9 over the weekend. It feels to me like these birthday posts are happening faster and faster. Didn’t I just write about her a bit ago?

It continues to amaze me how different my kids are from each other. What they like to do. How they approach work and school and playing. Tomas and DC aren’t polar opposites or anything, but there are some things DC would happily do for hours that Tomas would rather avoid at all costs.

For a present this year, DC asked for an experience, not a thing. That by itself is a huge difference from Tomas. So she’s getting drawing lessons instead of a video game or new clothes or some other doodad. I feel bad for the artists in our schools. Tomas has been in gifted and talented for years, getting special instruction in writing and math because he qualifies for both. DC got a letter from school saying that if we had a gifted and talented program in art, she’d be in it. But we don’t, so she gets a trip to a local art museum for a day. It’s better than nothing, but it’s still a far cry from nourishing budding young artists.

Another strange thing? She asked for a birthday trifle, not a birthday cake. Apparently if you put candles in something, it counts. She’s following in the footsteps of Denisa, who prefers birthday pie. Go figure.

DC will happily help watch her sister, clean around the house, and do pretty much any chore we ask her to. Yesterday when Denisa and I were out clearing off the 18 or 20 inches of snow from our driveway, porch, and roof, she was right there with us. (Well, some of the time she was off building a snow fort, but when we needed her there, she came every time.)

MC always prefers to have Denisa put her to bed, but if Mom can’t be there, then she much prefers DC to do it than me. Maybe I have a horrible bedside manner. I don’t know. But MC and DC get along very well and happily build forts and read books and play together every day. And then DC can turn around and play with Tomas for hours as well. She’s adaptable, that girl.

I’m very proud of her, and I think she’s awesome. And if she keeps growing, she’ll tower over me, which is saying something. She’s almost as tall as Tomas, and he’s got an almost 4 year head start. Sometimes I think that makes things harder on her. She looks so grown up, it’s easy to expect her to be just as mature. But not fair to, and I have to remember that.

In any case, happy birthday DC! Hope it was a great one.

Just How Much Snow is Up Here in Maine?

I’ve talked with a number of you online or over the phone, and it seems many people outside of the state are wondering how much snow I’ve gotten up here in Maine. I don’t watch national news, so have there been reports Maine got buried?

We kind of have . . .

But how much snow do I have specifically? That’s hard to tell. My house is in a spot where the wind blows a lot. This means I get plenty of places with huge drifts and plenty of places where I can see bare ground. (One of these bare ground places is right on part of my driveway, which is always a perk when I have to clear it after a storm.) So I can’t say exactly how much snow I have. Parts of my lawn are easily five feet. Parts are probably only a foot or so. Overall, I’d guess there’s about three feet out there, and more is falling down now.

Last week the kids had a late start, an early dismissal, and a complete snow day. Today is another snow day, as we’re in the middle of a blizzard. Another foot or more is forecast for Wednesday into Thursday. The storms just seem to have lined up and are pouring in, one after the other. It reminds me of my first winter in Maine. Back then, I didn’t have a snow blower. That made life much more difficult. (Although the other day, my snow blower about died, which sent me into a panic. It had a bunch of frozen slush inside it, and I hadn’t realized that and tried to start it. That didn’t go well on the engine. I used a hair dryer on the thing and brought it back to normal, thankfully.)

Really, I love snow, and the more the merrier, as far as I’m concerned. We have a shed full of wood and a wood stove able to heat our house on its own, so I don’t have to worry about losing power. But I do worry about some places in the area losing power. Not everyone has that stove and that wood. So I’m very much anti-power loss. But as long as the snow stays light and fluffy, it works out okay.

Though the kids might be in school until July . . .

Television Review: Lemony Snicket

It took us a bit longer than I would have liked. (Sometimes persuading the entire family they want to watch a certain show can be difficult. There’s a fair amount of compromise that has to happen to keep everybody happy.) But the family and I finished the Netflix adaptation of A Series of Unfortunate Events. It’s the first season, which covers the first four books of the series.

I wasn’t completely sure what I thought of it at first. It had a unique style to it: very imaginative, with a different sort of humor. I wasn’t sure if they would be able to stick to that consistently or not. But the show grew on me as it went on. I came to appreciate and understand the style it was going for, and I think in the end it did a fantastic job of it.

So what is the style exactly? It’s hard to describe. Deadpan humor, and lots of it. Visually, the show is very impressive right off the bat. Set design is imaginative and varied from book to book. A lot of it looks to be done digitally, but it feels like they played that up some. Sort of the Pee Wee Herman “I meant to do that” approach which makes it all better.

Acting is great. Neil Patrick Harris does a super job as Count Olaf, but the show can’t ride on his work alone. The two older kids do a really good job selling it too. And then there’s the surprising role of Lemony Snicket himself, played by Patrick Warburton (of Kronk and David Puddy fame). He weaves in and out of the storyline, narrating the events and commenting on what’s happening on the screen. It feels strange at first, but by the end his sequences are some of my favorites.

Another shout out to the music. There are a few musical numbers peppered throughout the show, and they’re a lot of fun to listen to. Same wit and dry humor as the rest, and always a pleasant surprise.

The whole family has enjoyed the show. Even MC watched it, though I’ll admit it’s pretty intense for a 3 year old at times. There’s no way I would have had Tomas watch it at that age. Clearly I’m slacking off as a parent. (Or just realizing that not everything that happens in the family can be dictated by what’s age appropriate for a three year old.)

If you haven’t already checked out the show, I definitely recommend it. It’s unique, which is more than can be said for many shows. It starts a bit slowly, and it will take you a little to get a feel for what to expect, but once you do, I think you’ll love it.

The Advantages of a 110 Inch Screen

Yes. I’m still going on about how awesome my new home theater system is. It’s been a dream of mine for a long, long time. And the greatest thing about it is that there are perks that keep showing up that I didn’t even think about when I was dreaming.

Case in point? Groundhog Day. I’ve seen this movie many many many time. (I should probably add a few more “many”s to that, just to be fully accurate.) So you’d think that when I saw it on a big screen, there wouldn’t be much that would feel different to me.

You’d be wrong.

I was amazed at how much easier it was to spot details that I’d missed before. People in the crowds that come into the scene later on. Side characters you spot that you didn’t spot otherwise. For example, did you know that in the hospital scene where Phil is trying to save the panhandler, you can see the kid who falls from the tree later on? He’s got a broken leg, and his mom is filling out paperwork. (Because Phil wasn’t there to catch him. Get it?) How awesome is that? And that was on a standard DVD. I can’t wait to watch a movie on Blu-ray.

The big screen also makes things a lot more intense. We watched episode 6 of Lemony Snicket last night, and that was just thrilling. The house falling into the lake? Incredible. (The surround sound system worked really well for that too.)

I know that in theory it shouldn’t make a huge difference. After all, I can watch a movie on my iPad and use headphones, and I can put the screen pretty close to my face and have the same net effect as a big screen, right?

Nope. That’s what I’d thought ahead of time, but I was just wrong wrong wrong. Your mind knows what size that screen is. It knows that the scary thing on the screen is actually just about two inches tall. But when the scary thing is four feet tall? Big difference.

It’s not the same as watching it in the theaters, but it’s awfully close. I want to watch Lord of the Rings on the thing. Or Star Wars. Or some Marvel. Ghostbusters! The number of movies I’ve got on my “rewatch soon” pile is so long.

I’m loving it. Everybody should do this!

Library Radio/Podcasting with Bryce: An Interview with Pete Hardy

The beginning of the semester is well past, and it’s high time my radio/podcast show started up again, right? Right. We did a series of interviews with authors on campus at the end of last semester, and we’re finally starting to post them week by week. Today’s interview is with Peter Hardy, an author and mathematics professor and all around great guy.

Check it out!

Fun with Speeding Tickets

Actually, scratch that title. Speeding tickets are not fun. I’ve had this theory for years and years, but until yesterday, I wasn’t able to actually see it at work. Until yesterday, I’d never gotten a speeding ticket.

But all good streaks must come to an end, I suppose. The sad thing is that, in this case, I wasn’t even aware I was speeding. I was on my way to Augusta to take Tomas to an orthodontist appointment. It’s a road I’ve traveled many times. Often enough that I feel like I instinctively know what speed I can go on each part of the road. It’s 55 for most of the first while, with a few 40s and 45s thrown in now and then at intersections.

I’d just passed one such intersection. I’d gone down to 45 or so through it, and then I was on my way back up to 50-55 once I was past it. I wasn’t in a rush. Just driving. So when I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the flashing lights, I figured the cop must have been after someone else. I pulled over to let him pass by, but he slowed down behind me. I was still trying to figure out why. Was my registration out of date? Had I cut someone off and not realized it?

He asked me how fast I was driving. I hadn’t really been watching my speedometer, but I guessed 45-50. He told me it had been 55, and I was in a 40mph zone. I wondered (in my head) when exactly he’d clocked me, and where I’d been. Not that I protested. I hadn’t been looking actively, and he said he had, so there you go.

I was hoping for a warning. That could happen, right? But I got a ticket instead. On my way back from Augusta, I paid attention to the stretch of road I’d been on, and I realized my problem. The speed limit doesn’t go back up to 55 for about a half mile after the intersection. Whoops.

Lesson learned.

Too bad the tuition was $137.

Here’s hoping it’s another couple of decades before I make that mistake again.

A Patriotic Win in Patriots’ Country

I realize the majority of the football world hates the Patriots. And I’m still primarily an Eagles fan, but I’ve been willing to adopt the Patriots as a secondary team. (This isn’t the Cowboys, people.) For one thing, I’m already a Yankee fan in Red Sox nation. I’m not giving an inch on that ground, but this is an NFC/AFC split. I can afford to show some love for the home team. (Plus, I think Tomas will have an easier time loving the home team if his dad is pro-Patriot. I’m raising him as a Yankee fan in Red Sox nation. It’s good to make some concessions now and then so he doesn’t have an impossible time with his friends at school.)

(And yes, I find it amusing that the universe has contrived to make it possible for me to be a fan of both the Yankees and the Patriots. What can I say? Maybe I just tend to have a soft spot for the teams that are generally hated. But I’m not becoming a Lakers fan. Period.)

Anyway. So last night the fam and I went to a Superbowl party. These were serious Patriots fans. There were Patriots hats. Shirts. Pants. Socks. For all I know, Patriots underwear was in there somewhere. I didn’t check. But this was a 100%, unapologetic bastion of Patriots’ strength.

The feelings of my family kind of ranged the spectrum. I was looking forward to the game, as always. Denisa loves a few sports, but mainly just the Olympics. Tomas was excited for the game, the food, and the commercials. DC was . . . less than enthused, but looking forward to the food. MC was just happy to be going someplace new.

When I showed up, I asked everyone what they wanted out of the game. It was pretty much universal: a blowout. I said I wanted a close game where the Patriots won. “Ideally,” I said, “I’d like another game like the Seahawks/Patriots game a few years ago. Something we can remember for years to come.” They agreed that was a great game, but they said that game had shaved years off their lives. They’d rather be happy throughout the whole game.

I stuck to my guns. Close games are just so much more fun to win.

The game begins, and the food flows like queso. We consumed so many calories, I think I could have hooked the house generator up to my arteries and run the place for a few hours. (Seriously. I felt so sick when I went to bed. When you go from a pretty tight diet with little sugar and then ambush your body with muddy buddies, queso, chips, guacamole, root beer, pulled pork, coleslaw, baked beans, chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter balls, ice cream, and chocolate sauce in mass quantities . . . you’re yearning for a burning. I skipped breakfast this morning. Just too stuffed. Gained 2.2 pounds yesterday.)

But those of you who watched the game can guess what the spirit in the party was like after that first half. Lady Gaga’s show had plenty of energy, but the mood in the room was broody. Worried. “Come on guys,” I said. “They just need a good stop. They’re only down by 3 scores. They have a whole half to come back.”

I have plenty of experience with these self pep talks. I’m a BYU fan, remember?

But then the third quarter happened, and things looked even worse. 28-3? 25 points down?!? The biggest Superbowl comeback ever was 10 points. Even when the Patriots managed to score a touchdown, they couldn’t make the extra point. It just seemed like One of Those Nights. They had been doomed from the beginning. Out played. Out coached. Out executed. They try for an onside kick. They fail. Ugh.

That fourth quarter is going to stay with me for a long time to come. Even as an adoptive fan, it was exciting. In a situation like that, you want to believe it’s possible, but you’re still in containment mode. You don’t want to let yourself get your hopes up. The Patriots score another field goal. Whoopity doo. They’re still down 16 points with 9:44 to go. Sure, they’re technically within 2 touchdowns, if they managed to get the 2 point conversion both times. The way they’ve been playing, that’s just not going to happen.

And then they stop the Falcons and manage to get a touchdown. Better yet, they get the 2 points. Down 8 points with 5:56 to go. And still you’re fighting to keep your head on your shoulders. A single field goal puts this game away. Matt Ryan makes a 39 yard pass on the first play of the Falcons’ drive. 2 plays later, it’s a 27 yard completion. They’re on the Patriot’s 22 yard line, for crying out loud! They could just kick a field goal right this second and end the game!

We interrupt this game recap for a quick life lesson. If you’re ever in a situation where you can win a game outright, do it. Don’t try to win style points. Get the W and move on. Yes I suppose they could have missed the field goal. It would have been a 39 yard attempt. Matt Bryant is their place kicker. He makes 85.6% of the field goals he attempts. At 30-39 yards, he makes 90.7% of them. Sure, I guess you could argue that if you go for it right that second, and he misses, then the world will think you were a bonehead, especially when you’d just had such success with long passes. But they didn’t go for it. Instead, Ryan got sacked for a 12 yard loss, followed the next play by a holding penalty on Atlanta. Suddenly they’re out of field goal range completely. Remember: minutes before, when they’d started the drive on their 10 yard line, they’d had one goal: get into field goal range and kick it through the uprights. They’d checked off the first item on that list. If it had been 4th and 3 on the Patriots’ 22 yard line, the game would have been over with a Falcons’ win. But it wasn’t. It was 1st and 10 on the Patriots’ 22 yard line, and that ended up making a huge difference. They went for a touchdown instead of simple victory.

Anyway. At that point, it felt like a totally different game. The Patriots were in it to win it. They were moving the ball at will. But they still needed the touchdown and the 2 point conversion, and you still couldn’t help but doubt. The whole room erupted when they got the touchdown, and we went crazy with that conversion.

You can only imagine what happened when the Patriots scored the winning touchdown in overtime. MC was running around the room yelling “Did we get a touch? Did we get a touch? We wonned! We wonned! Go BYU!” (I’ve trained her well.) There was a resounding roar from the entire room. High fives. Chest bumps. Tears. Tomas declaring himself to be a Patriots fan from now on. It was everything you’d want a victory to be. We even set off fireworks after it all.

And so I ask you. Which would you rather watch? A complete blow out where your team dominates from start to finish, or a game where your team makes the biggest comeback in Superbowl history, in the only Superbowl game to go to overtime?

I’ll take the nail biter, every time.

Groundhog Limerick Contest

Faithful readers will remember that five (five!) years ago, I ran a groundhog Haiku contest here on my blog. It was well received, with a big campaign effort by some of the contestants. It came right down to the wire, and I had a  lot of fun with it.

For this year’s Groundhog Day party, I decided to bring back the poetry, but to keep things lively, I switched the poetry format. That’s right, folks: limericks!

I made the stipulation that they had to be clean. No dirty groundhog limericks on my watch, people. But other than that, the sky was the limit. I wasn’t sure how many of my party goers would enter, but I was really happy to get 10 entries in the space of about 15 minutes. Limerick’s aren’t the easiest things to write off the cuff. Harder than haikus, at least.

So once again, let’s have a contest. I’m going to follow the pattern I set five years ago. This post will collect all entries for the contest. You can enter as many times as you like. I’m going to leave this open for a week. A week from now, I’ll select the top 5 entries and create a new post just for them. At that point, you all get to vote for which one you like the most.

But a contest wouldn’t be a contest without a prize. I gave away naming rights in my latest novel last time (TARNHELM, for those of you playing along at home.) So I’ll do the same thing this time. The winner can name a character in my current work in progress, which is top secret for now, but which will hopefully not be top secret in the very near future. Simple and straightforward. Win the contest. Have your name (or a name of your choosing) in my book. (I reserve the right to veto any names, assuming they’re not your legal name . . .)

For a refresher for those of you aspiring poets, here’s a quick rundown of what a limerick is. And without further ado, I present to you the entries so far:

Here we are at the house of Bryce

To celebrate groundhog on ice

Hit by the big truck

Head off like a puck

This poem is not very nice.

When pulling me out of a log

Let’s hope there’s not much of a fog

Shadow, I may see

Lest you pay a fee

I’m February’s fat star hog

Groundhog groundhog groundhog groundHOG

Groundhog groundhog groundhog groundBOG

Shadow shadow GROUND

Shadow shadow ROUND

Groundhog groundhog groundhog groundlOG.

Fateful day this groundhog delay

Groundhogs keep winter at bay

Blinded by the light

Of shadows in sight

For his shadow was seen at midday.

There’s an animal hogging the news

And casting shadows on views

It’s the groundhog, of course

Our annual source

Of featherbrained seasonal clues

Once an old groundhog from PA

Snuck into the garden to pray

While there on a stump

He just thought of Trump

And gave up and moved to Bombay.

There once was a groundhog with a beard

Who said “it is just as I feared!

Two owls and a hen

4 larks and a wren

Have all built their nest in my beard!”

In days of old, when Grandpa Jack was not old,

And hunting laws were not invented,

The groundhog would die,

And on his stove they would fry,

And Jack’s stomach would be most contented.

There once was a groundhog from Spain

Who stepped in a trap and had pain

His shadow he saw

Six more weeks for pa,

Unless it was starting to rain.

There once was a groundhog named Phil

Who lived in a hole in a hill.

He ate and he ate

Until he felt great,

But Denisa wanted to kill.