Nate Briggs's Blog - Posts Tagged "alfie"
Sunday Literary Life: April 9
Sunday Literary Life – April 9
The disclaimer at the beginning of Alfie states that any resemblance to known reality is coincidental – but that is not quite true. The characters do not duplicate anyone in the known world, but Jonah's church is my church. Or, more accurately, it stands in for all the churches I knew growing up. It does not represent ALL Bible churches, since any kind of broader generalization is dangerous. But I know what I know about the congregations I was forced to attend and the theological views described in Alfie are a true and faithful report of those places.
They were all “Full Bible”. All independent. Many with unpaid clergy. All tiny (sometimes my father found himself preaching to less than 10 people). And all tribal in the sense that everyone was assumed to be in agreement. But often, while everyone agreed what the Scriptures SAID – there was occasionally disagreement on what the Scriptures MEANT.
Once the “burning rubber of error” grew too strong (Garrison Keillor’s phrase) there could be Schism – and the subdividing of Bible congregations is so common I felt compelled to offer a short description, along with the implications for a teenage boy expected to marry “within the tribe”:
“By the time he turned seventeen — a high school senior, accomplished self-gratifier, and secret agnostic — Jonah was still being dragged to services five times a week, and was feeling well and truly trapped at the same time the Church of the Last Word faced the most deeply-felt crisis in its short history. It was, itself, a schismatic church. A splinter group which had broken off from the Uptown Church of Christ back in the 1960s.
“Now — after years of Scriptural sniping, a running battle in which Bible verses were lobbed back and forth like grenades — four families split off from the Last Word to form the Church of the Last Word (Reformed and Non-Instrumental) — clumsily renovating an old convenience store: where they met to pray and frailly sing while sitting on folding chairs.
“The thunderheads of disagreement had been building for some time. But, when the split came, it was all over in a couple of weeks…There was no turning aside. The “splitters” split, and left only about 120 people to carry on the Gospel work in Jonah’s building: people not only being asked to attend frequent services, but also to work as volunteers: cleaning and maintaining the place without pay.
“The Splitters Splitting hit Jonah particularly hard, because it was assumed — from the time he was a child — that, like most children of strictly religious orders, he would choose a wife from his own tribe. He couldn’t look forward to any kind of happiness in the Afterlife if he didn’t. His “brothers and sisters in Christ” were certain that — after the savage battle of Armageddon — members in good standing in the Church of the Last Word would be the only ones welcomed into the arms of Jesus, since only their understanding of the Bible was totally complete and correct. Everyone else on the entire planet, all of whom were “misbelievers”, would be cast into the lake of fire — and that would be that.
“Heaven would be very cozy: populated by only about a hundred people, and — if Jonah wanted to be numbered among the Saved — he would have to choose a wife from the young women who were left after the reckless Splitters of the Last Word (Reformed and Non-Instrumental) had broken away.
“Earlier in his teen years, Jonah had assumed that he might have six, or seven, options if he was somehow forced to marry within his church. Now, on the verge of graduating from high school, his options had been reduced to just two…the Phlipp sisters were Bible aristocracy. You could tell by the obscurity of their Bible-derived names: Huldah (from the Second Book of Kings), Makeda (from the Second Book of Chronicles), and Apphia (from the book of Philemon).
“Although Biblically satisfying, the names were not very practical for day to day use, so — by accident or by practice — they had been distilled down to Huldie, Mackie, and Alfie. All were young women of impeccable righteousness: although it was generally agreed that it was Alfie who had the edge in looks, and personality.
“Unlike her sisters, who were very heavy across the waist, she could be said to have an actual figure. No matter how Biblically she dressed, it was also hard for her to hide the fact that she probably had very photogenic breasts.
“But now she was married, leaving Jonah to be mated with one of the others if he couldn’t manage to get out of town.”
The disclaimer at the beginning of Alfie states that any resemblance to known reality is coincidental – but that is not quite true. The characters do not duplicate anyone in the known world, but Jonah's church is my church. Or, more accurately, it stands in for all the churches I knew growing up. It does not represent ALL Bible churches, since any kind of broader generalization is dangerous. But I know what I know about the congregations I was forced to attend and the theological views described in Alfie are a true and faithful report of those places.
They were all “Full Bible”. All independent. Many with unpaid clergy. All tiny (sometimes my father found himself preaching to less than 10 people). And all tribal in the sense that everyone was assumed to be in agreement. But often, while everyone agreed what the Scriptures SAID – there was occasionally disagreement on what the Scriptures MEANT.
Once the “burning rubber of error” grew too strong (Garrison Keillor’s phrase) there could be Schism – and the subdividing of Bible congregations is so common I felt compelled to offer a short description, along with the implications for a teenage boy expected to marry “within the tribe”:
“By the time he turned seventeen — a high school senior, accomplished self-gratifier, and secret agnostic — Jonah was still being dragged to services five times a week, and was feeling well and truly trapped at the same time the Church of the Last Word faced the most deeply-felt crisis in its short history. It was, itself, a schismatic church. A splinter group which had broken off from the Uptown Church of Christ back in the 1960s.
“Now — after years of Scriptural sniping, a running battle in which Bible verses were lobbed back and forth like grenades — four families split off from the Last Word to form the Church of the Last Word (Reformed and Non-Instrumental) — clumsily renovating an old convenience store: where they met to pray and frailly sing while sitting on folding chairs.
“The thunderheads of disagreement had been building for some time. But, when the split came, it was all over in a couple of weeks…There was no turning aside. The “splitters” split, and left only about 120 people to carry on the Gospel work in Jonah’s building: people not only being asked to attend frequent services, but also to work as volunteers: cleaning and maintaining the place without pay.
“The Splitters Splitting hit Jonah particularly hard, because it was assumed — from the time he was a child — that, like most children of strictly religious orders, he would choose a wife from his own tribe. He couldn’t look forward to any kind of happiness in the Afterlife if he didn’t. His “brothers and sisters in Christ” were certain that — after the savage battle of Armageddon — members in good standing in the Church of the Last Word would be the only ones welcomed into the arms of Jesus, since only their understanding of the Bible was totally complete and correct. Everyone else on the entire planet, all of whom were “misbelievers”, would be cast into the lake of fire — and that would be that.
“Heaven would be very cozy: populated by only about a hundred people, and — if Jonah wanted to be numbered among the Saved — he would have to choose a wife from the young women who were left after the reckless Splitters of the Last Word (Reformed and Non-Instrumental) had broken away.
“Earlier in his teen years, Jonah had assumed that he might have six, or seven, options if he was somehow forced to marry within his church. Now, on the verge of graduating from high school, his options had been reduced to just two…the Phlipp sisters were Bible aristocracy. You could tell by the obscurity of their Bible-derived names: Huldah (from the Second Book of Kings), Makeda (from the Second Book of Chronicles), and Apphia (from the book of Philemon).
“Although Biblically satisfying, the names were not very practical for day to day use, so — by accident or by practice — they had been distilled down to Huldie, Mackie, and Alfie. All were young women of impeccable righteousness: although it was generally agreed that it was Alfie who had the edge in looks, and personality.
“Unlike her sisters, who were very heavy across the waist, she could be said to have an actual figure. No matter how Biblically she dressed, it was also hard for her to hide the fact that she probably had very photogenic breasts.
“But now she was married, leaving Jonah to be mated with one of the others if he couldn’t manage to get out of town.”
