Mary DeTurris Poust's Blog, page 40

Seven Last Words: a Good Friday reflection

Father forgive them, they know not what they do…

We see Jesus on the cross today and hear him forgiving his persecutors, forgiving us. It is a powerful scene, but it is more than just a scene out of our faith history. Jesus’ way is supposed to be our way. Forgive, forgive, forgive, even in the face of the most unreasonable suffering and injustice. Are we willing to forgive as Jesus did?

Today you will be with me in Paradise.

The “good thief” has always been a favorite of mine. Imagine in your last dying moment that you utter a few kind words and are assured by Jesus himself that you will be in heaven with him that day. It would be nice to assume that in that situation I would have taken the path of belief, like the good thief, but there is a much bigger part of me that probably would have been like the unrepentant thief, expecting mercy and miracles despite faithlessness.

Woman, behold your son…

At last a comfort in the midst of all this misery. God gives us a mother for all time. He reminds us that his mother is our mother, who, with a mother’s unconditional love, will open her arms to us when we are desperate, when we are hurting, when we are searching for peace and a way back to the Father.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Despair, despair. If Jesus can feel despair, what hope is there for me? Then again, Jesus’ moment of despair reminds me of his humanness and that gives me hope even in this dark moment. God became man, walked on earth, suffered torture and death beyond our comprehension. My God is fully human and fully divine. My God knows what it means to live this earthly life, and so my God knows my small sufferings and heartaches and will not turn His back on me.

I thirst.

The wretched physical anguish of the Crucifixion is coming to bear. It is almost too much for us to take. Jesus, water poured out for the world, thirsts. And yet in the midst of this suffering, we remember Jesus’ words to the woman at the well, the woman to whom he first revealed his identity: “…whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst.” (John 4:14)

It is finished.

Jesus has completed his mission of redemption. Darkness descends, the earth shakes, the temple curtain tears in two. We see Jesus’ anguish near its end. We should be reduced to trembling at the enormity of his suffering, his gift to us. Unlike his followers who were plunged into fear and despair at this moment, we have the benefit of hindsight. We know what is coming. We know that his Crucifixion was cause for our salvation. His death a victory. His earthly end our eternal beginning.

Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.

Jesus is going back to the Father, back to where he started before time began, but he will not leave us orphans. We patiently wait to celebrate his Resurrection, to rejoice in our unearned windfall. We wait, pray, watch, listen — hopeful, trusting, faithful. We begin our vigil now, waiting for the darkness to turn to light.

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Grace finds beauty in everything

“She carries a pearl

In perfect condition

What once was hurt

What once was friction

What left a mark

No longer stings

“Because Grace makes beauty

Out of ugly things

“Grace finds beauty

In everything

“Grace finds goodness

In everything.”  - U2, Grace

Grace is one of those elusive things. We say we want it, we kind of get it in a indefinable sort of way, and yet it can be hard to grasp, like trying to catch a cloud. We all need grace to get through this life, to get through this day, and grace comes from God, an unearned gift just for being God’s beloved. But we kind of have to want it and seek it and watch for it, or we’re very likely to miss it when it’s in our midst.

The words to the U2 song above were new to me when I heard them two days ago. (Thank you, Dennis, for sharing this lesser-known U2 song with me.) Grace seems more urgent to me as I get older. I even wear the word “grace” (over there on the right) around my neck every day (Thank you, Cathy A.), along with my Om symbol (no commentary on that, please) and my alpha and omega cross with the Chi Rho in the middle. For me it’s a lovely trifecta — grace, the mystical sound of the divine, and the reminder that Jesus Christ is our beginning and our end.

As we enter into the high holy days this week, the Triduum that will take us through absolute darkness and desperation to ultimate light and salvation, don’t forget to look for the grace present in your life right now. If you can find grace, you, too, will be able to see beauty in everything, even the cross of Good Friday, even the cross in your life today, whatever it may be.

Here’s one of my favorite lines of this song, a line that can slip by unnoticed (like grace) if you’re not paying attention: “She travels outside of karma…” Contemplate that this morning. Grace travels outside of karma. Grace does not punish or seek an eye for an eye. Grace heals, grace saves, grace loves – always.

“Because grace makes beauty out of ugly things.”

Here’s the YouTube video so you can hear the whole thing:

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Missing mom, 26 years later

Today is the 26th anniversary of my mother’s death from colon cancer. What I find most unusual this year is that the grief seems a little stronger — perhaps because of where I am in my life personally and spiritually — and yet I don’t feel compelled to write anything about her. I feel like I’ve said it all, which is saying something coming from me. I miss her. But I always miss her. And I find it unbelievable that it’s been 26 years since I heard her laugh, saw her smile, smelled the scent of her. Sigh. That’s enough. Here are some photos of my beautiful mother, who was my very best friend when she died. (I wrote about her recently HERE, if you’re interested.)

I just love how happy she looks in these two photos with me, and so young:

And here’s one from her one and only trip that required a flight — Puerto Rico, and what a flight it was. Such good memories.

And one from a party she went to one night, maybe a high school reunion. So pretty.

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Albany’s new bishop sets a warm, welcoming tone

Just a few words on yesterday’s ordination and installation of Bishop Edward Scharfenberger of Albany. It was a spectacular Mass, even from the distant and somewhat obstructed view of the spiritual equivalent of the cheap seats. We were in the farthest reaches of the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, but that didn’t dampen the joyful spirit. The folks around us were a fun and chatty bunch, and we got to know them a bit seeing as we arrived 90 minutes early with our coveted tickets in order to get even one of those cheap seats. This was the place to be in Albany yesterday afternoon, and for good reason. The beautiful two and a half hour Mass was so filled with ancient ritual and uplifting words, song, and ceremony that it was impossible even for this sometimes-jaded 30-year veteran of the Catholic press not to be moved to tears. 

It happened when Cardinal Timothy Dolan was presenting Bishop Scharfenberger with the symbols of his office. He placed the miter on his head and presented him with the book of the Gospels and his episcopal ring. Finally, he handed him his crosier, the pastoral staff he will carry with him at liturgical services, and as the cardinal reminded the new bishop of his main role as shepherd, I got all teary-eyed. I love that shepherd image — complete with shepherd’s crook — and, of course, it reminds me of Pope Francis and his challenge to priests and bishops to “smell like their sheep.”

From everything I seen of and heard from Bishop Scharfenberger so far, he seems like exactly that kind of shepherd — warm and welcoming, open and joyful. (You can see him in the photo on the right stopping during the recessional procession to talk to an older woman who reached up and patted his cheek.) We are so blessed in the Albany Diocese to have this man sent to lead us after the record-breaking tenure and compassionate leadership of Bishop Howard Hubbard, who looked equally joyful as we met him on the way to the reception after Mass.

Here are some highlights from Bishop Scharfenberger’s address at the end of his ordination Mass:

“That’s one of the things they do in heaven, they celebrate! And I think the joy that we feel in our hearts today as Cardinal (Timothy) Dolan said so well is it’s not about me, it’s not about a bishop, it’s not about any one of us, it’s about our Lord, Jesus Christ. Who gives us peace and happiness and joy and mercy and forgiveness and causes each and every one of us to bring that to the world.

“Each and every one of us has the power to change that world just by simply being true to who we are and as I said when I first came to the diocese, all I ask of you is that you bring the best out of me and I will bring the best out of you.

“…I am so grateful to all of the young people here, who show by your faith and your presence that the church is young and that we have a future. And that the future is in strong hands.

“Never be afraid of God’s call. Never be afraid of being holy. Jesus is the one who will lead you. Carry that message wherever you go. I am so thankful for the people in my life in Brooklyn. You know one of the wonderful things that has been written about me has really been about my neighborhood, of Ridgewood in Brooklyn where I grew up. But my parents were the first ones to say yes, just to having me, and I have to tell you that if you want to know how a vocation gets nourished, how a vocation gets started, it starts right there at home. My earliest memories of my family in Ridgewood, we went to church every Sunday, regardless of what the neighbors did, we just went. That was my recollection of what it meant to be Catholic, to go to church every Sunday, to say the rosary, maybe not every day, but almost every day, we were taught our prayers.

“My family always supported me throughout my life and when I said I was thinking about becoming a priest instead of becoming an airline pilot, didn’t say I should have gone the other way, but supported me all the way. You know, I think being a pilot and being a priest is about lifting people up, right? So it’s kind of connected, you know? But that’s what all of us are here for, to lift one another up in the Lord, to let the Lord be a part of our life and to let his joy just come out of us.”

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Finding God amid the scaffolding and noise

I realized yesterday that I’m a bit like a homing pigeon when it comes to visiting New York. No matter where I am in Manhattan, I always end up back at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, which is like home base for me. Back when I was a reporter for Catholic New York, I used to cover Cardinal John O’Connor’s Sunday Masses there with regularity, along with lots of other events, from the unusual (Andy Warhol’s memorial Mass complete with Liza Minelli and Grace Jones) to the the sublime (meeting Mother Teresa after a Mass marking the anniversary of Cardinal Terence Cooke’s death.)

After Dennis and I had wandered around the upper West Side for a while, including a misty morning stroll through a muddy but decidedly spring-infused Central Park, it was still too early for most stores or museums to be open. Where to go…where to go…St. Patrick’s Cathedral, of course, which is completely covered in scaffolding — inside and out. Although I feel bad for the tourists coming to New York to see it for the first time, there was something intriguing about getting a glimpse of it this way, and, based on the completed work that is already visible, it’s going to look fantastic when the restoration is complete.

At first, as we walked along the outer edges of the cathedral, trying to avoid wires and boards and construction workers, I wondered aloud why they would even bother to keep the cathedral open under such conditions. But eventually we made our way to the Lady Chapel at the back of the cathedral, which remains untouched (at least as of now) by the restoration project. We knelt down in prayer, as other visitors did the same — the old lady with the scarf tied tightly around her head, a shopping bag on her arm; the young business man in the fashionably cut suit; the tourist with backpack and camera marking his outsider status. One by one, they drifted in and out, genuflecting, kneeling, praying, making the Sign of the Cross. And it made me smile. 

Then as we worked our way back to the Fifth Avenue entrance, weaving between clusters of high school students and folding chairs where pews should be, I caught sight of a man in the midst of the mayhem with Rosary beads dangling from his hands as he sat staring up at the scaffolding. A few rows back was another middle-aged man with head in hands, obviously lost in prayer. Near a side altar, someone placed a bouquet of flowers in front of the statue of St. Joseph, despite the fact that poor Joseph’s face was completely covered by boards.

The beauty of the quiet spiritual calm in the middle of the noisy physical chaos stopped me in my tracks. Yes, the cathedral was mostly filled with tourists snapping selfies, but there were plenty of other people who had come not for the architectural grandeur or the possibility of seeing Cardinal Timothy Dolan but for a respite from the struggles and sorrows and stresses of their lives. Outside the cathedral is a sign that reads: “In a city that never sleeps everyone needs a place to pray.” Amen. Even if it’s a place covered in scaffolding.

 

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Italy 2014: Food-faith pilgrimage is filling up fast. Sign up today!

It’s hard to believe that in just about six months we’ll be departing for Rome on our 13-day food-faith pilgrimage, Italy: A Feast for Body and Soul. Since I last updated you, we’ve had an exciting development. In addition to a great group of people from throughout the New York-New Jersey region, with a few from more far-flung places, we will also have a priest traveling with us. My good friend Msgr. William Benwell, vicar general of the Diocese of Metuchen, N.J., has signed up as a pilgrimage participant but has agreed to say Mass every day for those who would like to attend. In addition, his knowledge of Siena, Assisi, and Rome is like getting an added spiritual bonus. We are blessed to have him coming along with us. 

We will arrive in Rome on Oct. 7, 2014, and head straight for Montecatini Terme, a spa town in the Tuscany region. That will be our base for day trips to Florence and Siena. From there we will move to Assisi for a wonderful two-day visit in this beautiful and special city that was home to Sts. Francis and Clare. Our Assisi stay will also include a lunch and wine tasting at a local agritourismo. We then head to Rome for three nights in a  magnificent hotel that is walking distance from St. Peter’s Basilica but also in the midst of everyday Italian life — near bustling piazzas and restaurants, churches and historical sites. We get to spend three wonderful nights in Rome with a full schedule of all the important things  you won’t want to miss — papal audience, Vatican museum and Sistine Chapel, a walking tour of the main sites — as well as lots of free time for exploring on your own. Finally, we head to the south of Italy, where we will be based in Salerno in a  hotel overlooking the water. The southern portion of our pilgrimage will include visits to Pompeii, Naples, the Amalfi Coast, Sorrento, Massa Lubrense (the town where my grandfather was born), and the Isle of Capri. These last few days will also include some spectacular extras, such as a cooking class and olive oil tasting in Giffoni, a Mass and dinner at a monastery, and a boat ride to the mystical Blue Grotto off Capri.  We will depart from Naples airport on Oct. 19, 2014, full of wonderful food, spiritual sustenance, and a lifetime of memories. As you can tell, I’m a tiny bit excited about this pilgrimage. If you are reading about this trip for the first time today, please click HERE to see the full itinerary and the all-inclusive details.

If you’ve been thinking about this pilgrimage, now is the time to send in your registration. Spots are going fast (I am so happy to say), so don’t delay. If you have questions, feel free to email me through the “Contact” tab on this website, or call Melani at Travel Overtures directly through the information on the online registration form.

 

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Have you hugged your colon today?

Once a year — usually during March, which is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month – I parade out a photo of my fine-looking colon to get your attention. (Yes, that is my actual colon above, as it appeared during my most recent colonoscopy, which was a little more than two years ago.)

No one likes to talk about colon cancer or colonscopies. OK, no one but me and Katie Couric. Be thankful I limit my coverage to still photos. Why am I so passionate about something that many people (wrongly) feel ashamed to talk about? Because I would rather talk about this disease and pay attention to this disease than die of it, which my mother did just about 26 years ago at the ripe old age of only 47.

If caught early, colon cancer is a curable disease. If not caught early, it will kill you. Sometimes very quickly. My mother had months not years, and not very good months considering what they did to try to save her. So, for your health, for your family, for anyone who cares about you, go get a colonoscopy as soon as you can if you are over 50 and have never had one, or if you are under 50 but have a family history of colon cancer or any diseases of the colon. It is not as bad as you would imagine. Really. I’ve had three so far and the advances they’ve made in the prep work that needs to be done is remarkable. The first two experiences were like night and day, and I can honestly say that I do not fear the next test, which will come up again in November. (I’m on a two-to-three year cycle of tests. Thanks, mom.)

In addition to getting a test to makes sure you don’t already have colon cancer or the polyps that can lead to cancer, you can also take some steps to try to prevent colon cancer. Increase fiber, decrease meat. Yes, that’s right. Cut down on meat. Do you think that’s just some vegetarian propaganda? Think again, and then read this article. Red meat is no friend to the colon. Cut it out or at least cut it down. High fat diets aren’t so great either. Click HERE to read about dietary suggestions for colon health.

If you want more information on the signs and symptoms of colon cancer, testing, prevention and more, go to the American Cancer Society by clicking HERE. Now, go call your doctor and make an appointment before I put up photos of someone’s unhealthy colon just to scare you.

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April 2 Connecticut event: “You Can’t Fail Lent”

“You Can’t Fail Lent: Learning to see these 40 days as  journey, not a test.” That’s what I’ll be talking about on Wednesday, April 2, when I head to Darien, Conn., to speak to the Women’s Circle of St. Thomas More Parish. The event, which is open to the public, includes a brunch and will be held at the beautiful Convent of St. Birgitta, 4 Runkenhage Road, Darien.

I’m especially looking forward to this event because I get to spend the night at the convent, which overlooks the inlets of the Long Island Sound. I’ll try to post some pictures and spiritual reflections once I’m back.

If you would like to attend the event, please call Patty at St. Thomas More Parish at 203-655-3303. Tickets for the brunch are $40 per person.

 

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My breakup with Facebook. Why I hit “delete.”

Ever since joining Facebook a few years ago, I’ve been fairly addicted. Okay, super addicted. I loved my Facebook world. Too much. We definitely had a love-hate relationship, Facebook and I. Some sort of weird, dysfunctional co-dependency. I’d “deactivate” on occasion to give myself a brief respite from Facebook’s demand for more and more of my time and energy, but I’d always come back, usually sooner than I’d planned. I couldn’t stay away. Until this week, when I decided to leave Facebook for good. I didn’t just deactivate; I hit “delete,” which means I cut the ties completely.

Deactivating your account is a bit like leaving home on a vacation. When you return, everything is exactly as you left it. Sure, some newspapers may have piled up around your door and the mail is spilling out of the box, but otherwise, your life there is completely unchanged. Deleting your account is like burning the house to the ground, which is what I did. I threw a match on my Facebook life and left with nothing but the clothes on my back. Trust me, it’s wasn’t easy. Although I had already gone through a shedding of 350 “friends” I didn’t really know, I still had 300+ more. I had pictures and messages, stories on my timelines and tags from friends. It was in many ways a zen exercise for me, like blowing away the giant sand mandala I had created bit by bit, status update by status update over the past few years.

Here’s what I saw as my basic Facebook problem: When I first joined, I didn’t have an author page. (I am keeping my professional presence on Facebook thanks to the work of an invisible alter ego, so if you want to follow my blog posts and other writing-related updates, you can go HERE and click “like.”) Anyway, when I first joined, I accepted every single friend request from family and friends but also from total strangers. I was joining to promote books, or so I thought. But very quickly Facebook became less about work and more about connecting with relatives and friends. Suddenly I wasn’t so thrilled to have 600 strangers seeing my photos and reading about my personal life. And try as I might to get people to move from my personal page to my professional page, it just didn’t work. The only way to fix the problem — and to end my addiction to this time suck of a hobby — was to wipe the slate clean.

So far I haven’t experienced the DTs over this breakup. There have been flashes of regret as I realize I only know how to contact certain people through Facebook, or, like this morning, when I looked for a photo only to realize it existed only in my Facebook world. So there are issues, and my alter ego isn’t nearly as much fun as I’d like her to be, but she gets the job done.

If and when I return to Facebook, which will be months down the road or maybe never, it will be in a severely limited way, with only close friends and family in the inner circle. But, to tell you the truth, there’s something mighty freeing about erasing my entire existence, at least in one small sphere. If only other problems in life were so easily fixed.

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Pope Francis: Why He Leads the Way He Leads. And how you can learn to lead like him.

After Pope Francis recently shared the story of reaching into his confessor’s casket and stealing the cross off his Rosary beads, I sent my husband, Dennis, this email message: “Every time I think I can’t love this pope more, he says something crazy and ups the ante.” And that is absolutely the truth. From the moment Pope Francis stepped out onto the balcony, waved to the crowd and asked for a blessing, I knew – I think we all knew — this man was someone special. Almost every word and action after that has built on our initial hunch. I have often said that if ever I needed proof of the Holy Spirit alive and well in the Church today, the election of Pope Francis is it.

But how has this seemingly simple, albeit brilliant, man managed to change things so dramatically without changing any specific teaching at all? One year ago, who would have guessed we would see the pope featured on the cover of Rolling Stone – and Time and Vanity Fair and The Advocate? It was unthinkable just a few short months ago, and yet here we are. How did we end up here?

In his new book, Pope Francis: Why He Leads the Way He Leads, author Chris Lowney unpacks those questions and not only shows us how Pope Francis became the leader he is today but how we can bring some of those leadership qualities into our own lives, whether we are CEOs, parents, pastors, mechanics, parish council presidents, or anything in between.

Chris is a former Jesuit seminarian, a former director at J.P. Morgan & Co., and current head of Catholic Healthcare Initiatives, so he’s got a lot of bases covered when it comes to understanding Jesuit spirituality and corporate leadership combined. He lays the groundwork by taking readers through the Spiritual Exercises that form all Jesuits, including Pope Francis, in a clear and unintimidating way. In fact, it’s so well done, I guarantee you’ll be wondering how you can get a month off — or at least a week — so you can do your own Ignatian retreat.

In the pages of this book, we begin to get a glimpse of what makes Pope Francis tick and why he has become such a beloved figure in such a short time. Namely, he leads by showing. He has “dirty feet,” as Chris writes, sharing stories from people who knew him back in the seminary and can attest to the fact that Pope Francis has never been above it all. He has always been willing to live “with the smell of the sheep,” as he has challenged priests and bishops to do.

As I read this book, I found myself thinking it should be required reading for every pastor. Then I quickly expanded that to every priest and every member of a parish staff. Before long the list grew to include diocesan staff, new college graduates, my teenage son, my husband, and just about everyone I know who is Catholic and wants to be  a.) a better boss  b.) a better employee  c.) a better parent  d.) a better student  e.) a better parish leader  f.) a better person. Yeah, pretty much everyone.

Early on in the book, when Chris talks about Pope Francis’s personal credo, something he wrote before his ordination to the priesthood but has kept with him to this day, he gives readers a challenge: “Record in about 200 words, less than a page, your deepest beliefs and aspirations about yourself, your key relationships, humanity, God, and your role in the world.”

I dare you to take up that challenge this Lent. And then, as Chris suggests, take it out every few years and re-read it to see what’s changed.

Pope Francis: Why He Leads the Way He Leads offers readers a balanced approach to leadership in everyday life, reminding us to accept our flaws and to strive to be our best self in spite of them, to “plunge in” and be willing to do the same hard work we ask of those on our team (or in our family), but to remember to take a step back and withdraw into prayer and silent reflection, to carve out time from our busy schedules to see where we’ve been, where we’re going, and what we might be missing along the way.

“Our life is a journey, and when we stop moving, things to wrong.” The final chapter begins with those words of Pope Francis from the day after his election in 2013. So much of Chris’s book focuses on this theme of journey, directly and through stories and anecdotes, interviews and examples. Life is a journey, leadership is a journey, faith is a journey. Nothing is static, really.  But how and whether we choose to embrace that journey and adapt to the hills and valleys we find along the way will determine how we lead, how we follow, how we learn, and how we teach.

Chris writes:

Implicit in Pope Francis’s journey imagery is an important conviction. Outsiders would consider the papacy the pinnacle of the Catholic clerical profession: a destination, the end point of a lifelong quest. But Pope Francis, who rails against careerism as leprosy, sees it merely as another step on a journey, a shared journey no less, between leader and led, or, more accurately, between leader and companions. When greeting the world for the very first time as Pope Francis, out on the balcony of St. Peter’s, he said, “Now let us begin this journey.” That wasn’t the “papal we”; “us” really meant us. Pope Francis looks forward to what we might build together.

As I finished up Chris’s book and posted on Facebook about the blog tour, I heard from a priest I know – vicar general in his diocese – who told me that his bishop loved this book and gave him a copy as well. I took that as a great sign. Many people see Pope Francis and love what he’s doing but wonder how that’s going to translate and trickle down to the day-to-day life of parishes back home. If people are reading Chris’s book in an effort to adopt Pope Francis’s leadership style, we may start to see changes in our local churches sooner rather than later, and to that I can only say, Amen!

Tomorrow the blog tour heads to Catholic Business Journal. Be sure to check that out.

 

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