Mary DeTurris Poust's Blog, page 21

Feast or Famine: finding the middle way

By the time we end our Cravings journey in a few weeks, Lent will be a few days away. Hard to believe, isn’t it? And yet, it seems so perfectly timed for this tribe. We can take what we’ve been talking about here and kick it up a notch, if we so choose. But we can also allow some Lenten wisdom to inform the journey right now, especially as we delve into Chapter 5: Feast or Famine. 

Cravings is about finding middle ground. It’s not an all-or-nothing proposition, where you have to forego favorite foods forever, or starve yourself until a headache sets in. That’s not a long-term prescription for health or happiness. But there is wisdom in the practice of fasting, and the Church gives us a beautiful template for learning how to live a balanced life. Throughout the Church year, there are seasons to fast and to feast, and there is “Ordinary Time,” when we are likely to be walking that middle way.

Whenever Lent rolls around, I suddenly find willpower I don’t have any other time of year. Why is that? Because when I combine a sacrifice — eating in between meals or sweets — with prayer and a deeper, more significant intention, I am able to hold myself to things I’d otherwise shrug off at the first sign of chocolate cake in the office kitchen or a bowl of gelato after dinner. Fasting without prayer is just a diet. Fasting or abstaining with prayer, however, elevates it to something completely different.

From Chapter 5:

The emptiness fasting creates will make us more aware of the injustices in the world and of our own comforts and supposed “needs.” Think of how often we say, “I’m starving.” Or, “I need” a cup of coffee, piece of chocolate, glass of wine, handful of nuts. Fasting helps us begin to distinguish between wants and needs, even when practiced in the most minimal ways.

Can you experiment with fasting or abstaining in some way this week — either giving up something for the entire week or for one day, depending on your age, health and ability? You don’t even have to fast from food. You could fast from Facebook or shopping or TV. Intentionally give something up and offer up the sacrifice for someone else.

A reflection from the end of Chapter 5:

So much of life

is out of balance today.

Too much, too little,

too caught up in the whirlwind.

The world insists we need

more, more, more, more,

pushing us to grab all we can.

But wait. Slow down. Stop.

There is another way.

Only by emptying ourselves out

before God will we find

fullness within ourselves.

HERE’s the link to a story I did on fasting for OSV Newsweekly a while back, in case you’re interested in more on this topic.

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Ten years later: Adele remains a powerful witness

I saw on Facebook two days ago that it was the tenth anniversary of the death of one very special parishioner of St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Delmar, N.Y.. I wrote a column about Adele after her death. Thanks to the wonders of technology, I was able to recapture the 2007 Word file. Here it is again, ten years later. (The photo to the left is one I snapped of Adele at the Peace Pole at St. Thomas after a parish school event on Oct. 2, 2004.)

Everyone at our parish knew Adele. Maybe they didn’t know her up close and personal, but they knew of her. She was a visible and ever-present fixture at St. Thomas. Her wheelchair with the “Got Jesus?” bumper sticker on the back was parked in front of the first row of pews at every Mass every weekend. When she wasn’t in church, she was praying in front of the Mary statue outside our school or in front of the tabernacle in our chapel or at any number of vigils around the peace pole.

Noah and I got to know Adele when we volunteered to help at the birthday parties our parish sponsored at Reilly House, a residence for people with physical disabilities next door to our church. Once a month we would go over and help residents with their bingo cards or give them a hand with their cake and ice cream. I thought it would be a good opportunity for Noah to learn about serving others, but it turned out to be a good opportunity for both of us to learn about being strong and courageous and joyful in the face of adversity.

Adele was all of those things. Unable to walk and with very limited speech because of cerebral palsy, she never let her physical limitations keep her from doing the things she wanted to do. Through her quiet witness and deep faith – not to mention an unflappable determination to get the rest of us to slow down long enough to figure out what she was trying to tell us — she taught young and old alike what it means to trust in God and keep on keeping on, no matter how much we might want to sit back and feel sorry for ourselves. Adele never seemed to feel sorry for herself, even if others may have felt sorry for her.

Many people in our society — a society bent on creating perfect babies who we assume will grow into perfect adults — probably looked at Adele’s circumstances and figured that hers was not a life worth living, but if you knew Adele, you would also know that her life, with all of its limitations and struggles, was a rare gift.

One weekend not too long ago, we went to Mass and learned that Adele had died. She had been suffering with cancer, something most of us didn’t know because in typical Adele fashion she didn’t want people making a fuss. On the casket at her wake was a Rosary made of pink roses at one end and a barren crown of thorns at the other. That was Adele’s life in miniature: She willingly, perhaps even gladly, accepted the many, many thorns that came with the roses.

Both Noah and Olivia asked to go to Adele’s wake and funeral even though their day-to-day connection to her was confined to little more than a wave or a smile. Olivia took the prayer card and wrote, “I love you. I miss you,” on the back of it. For my children, and most of the children at our parish school, Adele praying in the Mary Garden just outside their classroom windows was a living example of the faith they learned about inside.

Our pastor compared Adele to the prophets. He talked about how prophets usually don’t want to be prophets, how the job is more often burden than blessing, and how a true prophet, no matter how many times he or she is kicked down, gets back up and carries on with the job of spreading God’s word.

Adele was a true prophet, and we all benefited from her willingness to take on a burden that most of us could not fathom. Without saying a word she sent us a clear message about faith, hope and love. A life can’t have more worth than that.

This Life Lines column originally appeared in a March 2007 issue of Catholic New York.

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Don’t miss your moments

My reflection from Give Us This Day:

St. Paul’s story of conversion always sparks a little jealousy in me. Probably not the appropriate reaction, but let’s be honest: wouldn’t we all like a blinding light and God’s voice from heaven setting us on the right path once and for all? I know I would. There would be no more wondering, no more doubts, no more confusion about whether I’m doing God’s will or my own. Few of us get that kind of wake-up call, and those of us who do often miss it because we’re busy looking for one that is more interesting or less difficult.

We say we want change, but we want it on our own terms, a transformation of our own making. We’re not necessarily looking for a transformation on God’s terms because that can be uncomfortable and challenging and sometimes downright painful. But, as Paul learns, this is where the real work and the real progress begin. Even with Paul’s remarkable and unmistakable conversion moment, however, God doesn’t give him every answer or mark out every turn ahead. Paul is instructed to go to Damascus, where he “will be told about everything appointed for [him] to do.” And he does. Just like that. No further questions asked.

If God were to give us a Paul conversion moment, would we rush to meet it and go wherever it led, or would we hesitate, calculate, and perhaps look for a better offer? Do we miss our moments?

This reflection appeared in the January issue of Give Us This Day. If you’re not already a subscriber, click HERE and check it out. I’m so honored and grateful to be part of the GUTD family.

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Happy anniversary to me and my blog

It was nine years ago today that I launched this blog. Although it looked very different when it started out and I posted much more frequently, the overall style and substance of Not Strictly Spiritual have remained the same. I have shared my struggles, my stories, my opinions, and quite a few recipes, covering everything from the ridiculous to the sublime. Thank you to all of you who have visited this site over the years, especially those of you who come back time and again. Even if we have never met in person, you are special to me, and I am grateful.

I launched this blog on Jan. 24 because it was the Feast of St. Francis de Sales, patron saint of journalists and writers. This is a special day for me, not only because of my blog-iversary but because it’s my professional feast day, having worked in the Catholic press in one form or another for just about 33 years. (How did I get this old?!?)

In my very first blog post, I shared one of my favorite prayers, written by St. Francis de Sales. This one used to hang on the mirror in my bathroom as a daily reminder, and it has made it into at least one of my books, maybe more. I’ve lost track. Here it is again:

Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life;

rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise,

God, whose very own you are,

will lead you safely through all things;

and when you cannot stand it,

God will carry you in His arms.

Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;

the same everlasting Father who cares for you today

will take care of you then and every day.

He will either shield you from suffering,

or will give you unfailing strength to bear it.

Be at peace,

and put aside all anxious thoughts and imagination.

                                                                        — St. Francis de Sales

 

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Sane eating and healthy living

I’m late, I’m late for a very important date! I’m so sorry this week’s Monday post has been delayed. I had to move offices at my workplace, and it threw off my entire day. Forgive me for lagging behind.

This week we’re tackling chapter 4, Freedom by the Forkful, and taking a closer look at willpower, sane eating, and the ways our need for love and peace in our lives can keep us tied to high-fat comfort foods that make us feel good for the moment but drag us down over the long haul. I can see that at play in my own life these days. Back when I wrote this chapter of Cravings years ago, I was working out of my house and able to make time and space for my daily meditative morning ritual of “mindful oatmeal.” In addition, I’d often take time out of my day to chop up some veggies and make a green drink or start a pot of soup or  do some other prep so I could have a healthy, home-cooked meal ready by dinner time. Although life was still hectic, our diet seemed to have a good measure of sanity. When I began working outside the house 18 months ago, however, all of that changed. Aside from cutting out my mindful oatmeal routine, I have become much more reliant on pre-made foods, easy meals, and take out, none of which leave me feeling very healthy and happy after the eating is over. The reality is that eating healthy can take a lot of time and energy. It’s easier to eat fattening comfort foods. And so our challenge now is deciding if we’re worth the time it takes to do the shopping and chopping, prepping and planning required to create balanced meals in a peaceful atmosphere. No more eating on the go, munching in the car, standing at the counter with one hand in a bag of chips as you scroll through emails. (Guilty here!)

To be honest, the winter months don’t work in our favor on this front. I know here in upstate New York the cold, gray days make me less likely to stop at the store on the way home to pick up fresh produce and other ingredients I need to whip up something healthy. On nights like tonight, when sleet is pinging against the windows, I’m much more likely to serve up a big bowl of pasta or order in a pizza. So we have to find ways to make it easier to do what’s good for us. Can you use your lunch hour to run out and grab some healthy ingredients for dinner rather than eating at your desk? Can you make a couple of meals ahead of time on the weekend, so you have something ready to go on a busy weeknight? Can you look at your schedule and plan a menu that will be realistic when all those events marked on your calendar roll around? I know I’m a great one for planning a healthy menu filled with lots of fresh veggies and unusual grains, but, come midweek, I can be found digging around in our basement freezer and pantry, hoping to find a bag of frozen string beans and a box of rice pilaf instead. Best laid plans…

This week, take some time to look at your calendar and your fridge and put together some meals that are fresh and healthy but not so hard to make that you’ll give up before you get started. Look for nights when you’ll have time to eat in peace and at a nice slow pace. Make the cooking itself part of your mindful practice. And never underestimate the power of simple foods — a side of fresh steamed broccoli with a squeeze of lemon, a plate of roasted carrots and cauliflower, a bowl of brown rice or a plate of salad piled high with healthy toppings. What’s your favorite healthy food?

 

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Maybe your hunger for more is a good thing

When I saw today’s entry in my book of reflections, I knew I had to share it here. Wanting more, wanting to move forward, wanting to change, not accepting the status quo…It’s all good. See for yourself.  This page is taken from Peace in Our Hearts, Peace in the World: Meditations of Hope and Healing by Ruth Fishel.

 

 

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Mirror, mirror: discovering your true self

Week three. Time is flying! How are things on your end? Here’s my weekly update:

It was a SUPER stressful week, especially the weekend. To be completely honest with you, I’m in a terrible place right now, mentally and spiritually. Things have not gone as planned. Famous last words. So why does that still catch me by surprise and throw me off course? That’s the million-dollar question for me. And I’ll tell you right now, when things don’t go well and when things get stressful, I turn up the heat on myself. I pull out my worst “tape,” push my internal “play” button and let it rip. It’s not pretty or healthy, and it certainly doesn’t take me where I want or need to go, but it’s comfortable and familiar, the road most travelled, and so I take it. Even when I know I’ll regret it later, even when I know it’s likely to lead me to other unhealthy decisions — like eating the wrong food or staying up too late or skipping prayer time. This is why I’m head cheerleader for the tribe, because I have endless experience with this struggle. I’ll tell you this, however: Although I often feel history repeating itself in my life, the time I’ve spent working on my habits, journaling, and becoming more mindful have made me more aware. Even when I’m not following the Cravings “rules,” I’m well aware of where things have gone off track and how I might pull it back. The trick is getting from awareness to action.

This week, as we delve into chapter 3, we’re going to be focusing a lot on those tapes we tend to play, the words we say in our head, or maybe even out loud as we stand before the mirror. I always say that if I loved my neighbor as myself, it would be very bad news for my neighbor! I say things to myself, about myself that I would never say to or about anyone I cared about, or even about a total stranger. Why do we do that? Why is that comfortable? And how can we begin to backtrack to the place where those thoughts were created so we can dig them up, toss them out once and for all, and replace them with something that will lift us up rather than tear us down?

In chapter 3 I talk about the two sides of this, the fact that sometimes I am ever-so-grateful for my physical health, my material comfort, and the many blessings I have had over the course of a very privileged lifetime, one not without traumatic and devastating losses and crises, to be sure, but overwhelmingly blessed. And then there is the shadow side, the times when I look at myself, not just physically but on every level, and see nothing, absolute failure, zero, worthlessness. Unfortunately, I spend an inordinate amount of time on the shadow side, where my faults and flaws are magnified as in a fun house mirror and any potential reminders of anything good are drowned out by the drumbeat of self-loathing. It’s not pleasant, that’s for sure, but since I was a little girl, it’s been home for me, the place with which I am most familiar, the persona that feels most comfortable: failure, reject, misfit, lost soul. And that’s where I am today. It’s one reason this blog post is so late. How do I tell my tribe that I’m mentally and spiritually MIA? I guess I just did. Maybe some of you will identify with it; maybe some will think, What am I doing hanging out with this nutcase?!?

If you missed On Call with Wendy Wiese, listen here!

Our Cravings Tribe and the reVolution-not-resolution journey we’re on for the next few weeks — or maybe for ever! —  were the focus of On Call with Wendy Wiese on Relevant Radio yesterday afternoon. It was a great conversation. Thank you, Wendy, for making the time for this topic. If you missed it, you can listen on playback at the link below.

 

 

 

 

https://relevantradio.com/programs/on...

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Week two: getting beyond the dieting delusion

We are one week into our journey! How are you doing? Is it easier or more difficult than expected? Are you feeling any shifts — emotionally, physically, spiritually? I know it’s early in the game, but sometimes the push-off can be dramatic, making us aware of our habits and triggers. And awareness is a big part of this transformation process. Take a look back at your journal from this past week, if you’ve been keeping one, and see what your days looked like. I’ll give you a few insights into mine:

Things were not as peaceful or as mindful as I would have hoped. Home life was crazy; work was crazier. And sometimes I am my own worst enemy, making things more difficult than they need to be by getting in my own way. I plan to go for a walk but I haven’t taken the time to get out my winter boots and hat, so before I can go anywhere I have to dig through boxes in the basement and through baskets in the hall closet. By the time I was ready to leave I was frustrated and about ready to quit. I get up early to do some yoga, but struggle to get the Apple TV going because I never commit the dreaded remote-control routine to memory. I pack breakfast and lunch to take to the office but race through work at such a frantic pace that I forget to stop for breakfast at all. I did manage to eat my lunches more mindfully this week, even when I was splurging and eating a big plate of eggs and grits with friends in the office dining room on Friday. Laughing with them and being away from my desk was as nourishing as the delicious food, a reminder that what feeds us is not necessarily confined to our plate. In fact, most often it has nothing to do with what’s on our plate!

This past week I definitely feel like I had a few take-aways:

Spend more time prepping things so taking a walk, doing yoga, sitting down to meditation, packing lunch does not become an ordeal.
Get to bed earlier so I’m not tempted to hit the snooze button when I should be getting up to pray or exercise or sit in silence.
Continue with my new routine of listening to some select books on CD as I drive to and from work. It’s definitely making a difference and giving me an extra dose of daily peace along with a good kick in the spiritual pants.
Accept that my life is simply going to be chaotic much of the time. With three busy kids, a very busy job, lots of chores around the house, the reality is that my daily life is often going to be noisy and not-so-mindful, and that’s okay. The goal is not to make my life silent so I can be mindful but to make myself mindful so I can maneuver my way through the daily minefield. It’s all in my perspective. The journal writing, spiritual reading, and silent time is helping me remember that.

Now we begin week two, Chapter 2 of Cravings: Dieting Delusion: Food Is Not the Enemy. As we move through this chapter, stop to think about the diets you’ve tried over the course of your lifetime. I’m sitting here shaking my head as I write this just thinking about some of the crazy plans I’ve tried over the years. In the end, none of them really worked. Why? Because those were just temporary patches, surface changes not meant to last, and everything hinged on the almighty scale. Sometimes it still does. Which is why I’m here, and maybe why you’re here.

From Chapter 2:

Even today, the control myth can take hold of me. I can feel totally confident and positive about myself and my life if my clothes fit a little bit loose and the scale shows me the right number. A few pounds in the wrong direction an my mood, my day, my life can take on the aura of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, not only with my looks but with just about everything. And that’s the crux of what we’re dealing with here. Whether we have to lose a hundred pounds or ten pounds, our self-worth should not — cannot — hang on a number or a diet plan. It has to be rooted in something deeper, something true, if we can ever hope to put a stop to these endless efforts to mold ourselves into someone else’s image of beauty or health or perfection. The first step toward that freedom is the acknowledgment, in the words of Alcoholics Anonymous, that only “a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

This week, as you keep your journal and take note of your moods and foods, start paying more attention to your beliefs about yourself. What is the tape that plays on endless loop in your head? Does your self-worth teeter from one extreme to another based on superficial changes or events? What are your triggers? Can you push pause when you feel things starting to head in the wrong direction?  Try to pull yourself back from the brink. Breathe, say a quick prayer, grab your journal, go for a walk, do something to shift the playing field and try a different approach. After all, the old ways haven’t been working, right?

If you have a minute, check in and let me know how you’re doing here in the comment section. If you have questions, feel free to ask them. If you don’t have Cravings and you need more information, tell me that as well. And if you just have a story to share, please do so.

Oh, and before I go, I have to announce the winners of the book giveaway! Two people were randomly selected from those who filled out and submitted the online form for official membership in the Cravings Tribe. Each will receive a copy of my book Everyday Divine: A Catholic Guide to Active Spirituality.  I will contact you directly by email to get a mailing address. And the winners are….drumroll, please…

Amy S. of Lafayette, La., and Kathleen A. of Lakewood, Pa. Congratulations!

And, now, here’s your musical inspiration for the week. I wanna see you be BRAVE!

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Recalculating: the story of my spiritual life

I think there are two kinds of people: those who trust their GPS implicitly and those who don’t. I fall into the latter group, always second guessing the instructions and striking out on my own as Katniss—yes, our GPS is named after the heroine in the “Hunger Games” series—patiently but insistently gives commands: turn left, take the second exit, stay right. More often than not, I respond with comments of my own: Are you crazy? Do you know how many lights are on that road? Never on a Saturday! And so Katniss is forever “recalculating.”

Last week, I contradicted her so many times in my effort to avoid traffic on the way to Chiara’s gymnastics class that she stopped giving instructions completely. I stumped her, something I considered a personal victory. It was as if she’d shrugged her shoulders (if she had shoulders) and said, “You’re on your own.”

Unfortunately, I travel down the spiritual pathway the same way I travel down the actual highway, always asking for guidance but looking the other way when the bright purple line on the road map veers off in a direction I don’t particularly like. Send me a sign, I pray, but when a subtle sign appears instead of the flashing neon marquee in the sky I had hoped for, I look right past it for a better sign, a route that’s easier to follow, a spiritual path with less traffic and fewer obstacles. I imagine God recalculating my route, trying to pull me back on course.

Every once in a while, when I’m driving my car in parts unknown, I find myself so utterly lost that I can do nothing but surrender and obey Katniss’ directions. In that moment of complete helplessness, I have to put my total trust in the GPS because there’s no other way out or through. Sadly, God doesn’t fare much better than Katniss in my world. I ignore and contradict him until I’m so hopelessly lost and confused that the only thing I can do is fall back exhausted into his arms and beg for undeserved mercy and guidance.

Why does it take a crisis or desperation to lead me to a place of complete trust? Why don’t I realize in the day-to-day moments of “normal” life that trusting the little signs along the way will keep me from running into one dead end after another. Following the path God marks for us with people and places and events that shine like beacons along the way will always get us to our destination, even when it seems like we’re taking the long way around, even when spiritual and emotional mudslides and boulders, earthquakes and fog threaten to keep us stuck where we are.

My kids and husband have asked why I bother to turn the GPS on at all if I have no intention of listening to it. They raise a good point. I think I like the security, the knowledge that there’s always back up, if I run off course. And so it is with God. Although I like to go my own way, careening from one wrong choice to another, I like to keep God in my back pocket, knowing I can fall on my knees at a moment’s notice and resort to the usual wailing and grinding of teeth that often defines my prayer life.

This year, as I begin anew (again) and reflect on where my journey has taken me over the past 12 months and where I might be headed, I want to let go of my need to be in the driver’s seat, at least when it comes to my spiritual life. I want to give God the wheel and trust that the sign that tells me to take the road less traveled, the road marked with detours and warnings, maybe be the surest route after all because its true north is grounded in God.

As for Katniss, I’m making no promises.

This column originally appeared in the Jan. 5, 2017, issue of Catholic New York.

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