Lakeshia Poole's Blog: LakeshiaPoole.com, page 24

This Is Nothing Like the Book…

“The movies didn’t change them a bit, son. They’re all right up there. Every word is the same as when I wrote them.” ~James M. Cain

There’s something precious about the book version of a story. Sure, authors release abridged, unabridged, audio and new editions, but for the most part they stay the same. That’s one of the reasons I have been so attracted to novel-writing. As much as I love screenwriting, I’m too much of a control freak and am still learning to LET GO of my words.

I have anticipated and avoided the release of World War Z, simply because the book is SO GOOD. I knew it couldn’t follow the same format or storyline, so I tried to prepare myself over the past couple weeks. I’m usually not one of those people, but this book provided such a fresh twist to the zombie category. I’m tired of seeing the same old story-lines and new iterations of 28 Days Later (not to confuse with 28 Days which I have flipped to only end up disappointed).

I decided to finally see the movie after reading Stephen King’s open letter to fans about the CBS television version of Under the Dome. I haven’t completed the novel yet, but caught the first episode and thought it was pretty intriguing.

Apparently his readers are/were upset which prompted him to pen a few words to them:

It’s best to think of that novel and what you’re seeing week-to-week on CBS as a case of fraternal twins. Both started in the same creative womb, but you will be able to tell them apart. Or, if you’re of a sci-fi bent, think of them as alternate versions of the same reality,” says King.

What an interesting way of putting it all into perspective.

With that, I sat back, knowing that World War Z would not be the story I was familiar with.

No, I didn’t get to see the lobo, the intriguing stories of survival from China to the Great American Plains or a deep dive into the social and economic impact of the zombie apocalypse, but overall the film kept me entertained and on edge.

Stephen’s right. If I REALLY want the World War Z I loved or to finally see the Under the Dome he created, I can always pull it off the virtual shelf of my Kindle and re-read.

What do you think? What adaptations made you go running back to the novel version? 

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Fear Confession: My Writing Sucks

Lips red like slick blood from a dead man, she whispered in his ear. He, so caught up by his arousal from the mere dance of her breath across his lobe, barely recognized what she says.

“…kill him,” he managed to hear, as she clamped the thick lobe between her perfect white teeth and nudged his cheek with her slender nose like a cat proudly begging for attention.

In his best attempt to play off nervousness and the fact that he wasn’t listening, he jiggled the cubes in his highball glass the dark amber cognac swirling around. He couldn’t figure out if the heat was coming from the strong beverage he’d been sipping on or emanating from the slender, soft body pressed up against him.

I stumbled on a story I wrote years ago. Okay, technically it was only the beginning of a story, but it really drew me in. Honestly I thought maybe someone else had written it and I printed it out.

Here’s the thing, oftentimes I think my writing sucks. The characters are uninspired. The sentences seem strung along in a tangled mess. It feels like I’m trying too hard or not hard enough. I sound nothing like Flannery. Most times I’m right, especially if it’s a first draft.

However, I’ve allowed this fear to stop me at beginnings. Dozens and dozens of ‘beginnings’ sit on my computer and desk. I forget about them and rediscover them with glee like a $20 bill in a pocket. “Ooh, the things I can do with this!”

Almost every time I revisit them I realize, I’m not so bad after all. I’m not perfect–never will be–but if I start wondering what will happen next while reading, I think it’s a story worth pursuing.

I believe confessing and acknowledging fears is one of the best ways to as my mother would say ‘nip it in the bud.’

Has fear kept you and your dreams/projects/ideas/desires stuck in the beginning stage?

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A Burning Desire

“I had a burning desire to do more great roles. I didn’t want to be greedy. Just one more.” ~ Cicely Tyson, accepting her first TONY award at age 79.

Burning desire. It’s intangible, but feels so real you can almost ‘touch’ it. The phrase oozes and has always had an interesting connotation for me. You desire things you can’t/shouldn’t have. It’s selfish. It stems from lust not love. 

Desire has been on my mind a lot lately. The fire was sparked when someone posted a link to Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map in one of my Facebook groups. As I began my mapping journey, I wanted to tap into what God says about “desires.” Psalm 37 is one of my favorites, especially this verse: “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” According to scripture, God is (or should be) the CREATOR of those desires of the heart; He plants the seed.

I’ve had a burning desire to tell stories for a long time–since I was nine years old. However, I’ve definitely been distracted by ‘shiny objects’ throughout this journey (ala considering writing a story a certain way to make it sell more) and ‘scary obstacles.’

This is why your map or plan is so critical. Sometimes the desires of our heart don’t come to fruition as quickly as we wish, even if we can almost taste it. I’m notoriously impatient and always end up frustrated when I try to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

Sometimes it takes 30 years to return back to that ‘one more’ AND get that coveted award.

 

PS. Can we just BASK in the divine beauty of Miss Tyson for a moment? If this is what chasing a burning desire looks like, Lord, yes, let’s do it!

 

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Hey, 30…I Ain’t Scared of You!

OK, so I have been a little scared of turning 30. My fears did not stem from “feeling old” or not being married or losing my youthful looks. The negativity that invaded my thoughts as I approached this pivotal age was the fact that I wasn’t where I thought I should be at 30.

I wasn’t a successful writer yet.

I wasn’t a millionaire yet.

I wasn’t able to take my mother on fabulous vacations at the drop of a hat.

I hadn’t been to New Zealand yet.

My group of friends seemed to be super small, which I know is a good thing but left me wondering how did the atrophy happen so quickly.

After beating myself up, complaining to my mom and a couple of friends, I eventually came to my senses.

I self-published my first book and had a lot of fun doing it. According to the reviews, some people think I did a pretty good job.

I’m making a great living–I can eat pretty much whatever I want. I love my neighborhood where I live. I have a car to get where I need to go. Sure Sallie Mae is still on my back, but after the bills are paid, I am still blessed and financially fortunate to give back to others.

I have some trips lined up and my mother conned convinced me to take a bus trip with her to Florida. I don’t like busses, but as part of the trip, I get to write about our experience together.

Daughter, it’s your day to celebrate. You’re always working hard to achieve your dreams–it’s one of the many things I admire about you…But on your birthday, I hope you can take some time for yourself, feel all the love I’m sending you, and just let the happy happen. You couldn’t deserve it more. Happy Birthday.” ~My bday card from my mother (she already know, lol)

As far as New Zealand, there’s always my Lord of the Rings DVD.

I looked up and saw all the fabulous family and friends (old and NEW) I have. I have the privilege to know some AMAZING women and men of all backgrounds, talents, abilities and they tolerate my sense of humor and over-analyzing of everything. And then there is JoJo Dancer–I got him on my birthday and he’s been a great companion ever since.

It’s hard to even allow fear to tear you down when you choose to fill your mind, heart and soul with gratefulness for what you do have. I know I can’t help but smile!

I wallowed in negative thoughts for a little while, but I chose not to stay there. That place ain’t no fun. And my mama didn’t raise no punk*. So as her card instructed, I’m going to just let the happy happen–and appreciate every moment.

 

 

*Trust me it hurt to write those double-negatives and ain’ts but it’s my birthday, so I get a break

 

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If It Ain’t One Thing…It’s Another

I grew up always hearing my mother say that phrase: If it ain’t one thing, it’s another.

I have learned the meaning of it at many points of my life. It speaks to the fact that life is full of ‘things’ that pop up in the midst of your best laid plans. As a planner, this concept is always a challenge for me. I must say I’ve learned to just ‘go with the flow’ and essentially expect for things not to go as I plan them. The truth is…it always turns out fine anyway.

This past weekend, I took a couple of days off and went to my hometown of Sandersville. The plan was to soak in the countryside and get a good first draft down for book #2. I opened Scrivener (my project management software), made some edits to the outline and perhaps even Chapter 1 and 2, but progress was slow.

You see, my mother had totally different intentions for my time off. We needed to check her Medicare program reimbursements; fix her new cell phone that all of a sudden made Verizon have horrible coverage; spend some time together; complete various wedding RSVPs & gift-shopping; execute our annual family dinner, etc. etc. etc. {I still have some left-over to-dos, btw}

Her comment: “You just need to take off a couple of weeks to come down here and fix everything.”

I laughed because it was funny and sad. My mother is 70 and raising my young nephew. That is an extraordinary amount of responsibility and ‘things’ she has to do–in addition to trying to understand this technology-driven world. What’s second nature to me, is downright confusing to her. And I completely understand.

On my last day off, I became a little frustrated. I was nowhere near my word goal. I begin complaining–not just about the work-in-progress, but everything. It seemed like every time I had a little extra cash, I had to give it away to some individual/organization. It seemed like every time I made plans to enjoy myself or devote my time to my project, someone was calling for an event for me to attend. I was in full, bratty, it-ain’t-fair mode. In the midst of it, a paraphrased version of one of my favorite scriptures came to me:

Don’t be weary in well-doing…

This rebutted every complaint I could think of.

First of all, God acknowledges that well-doing can be hard, draining work, but you can’t stop. Second of all, it makes you consider the seeds you’re sewing and appreciate your ability to be a blessing. These aren’t just random things that come out of the blue. There is a purpose for each person, experience, word and thing that comes into our life. Sometimes we get caught up in the ‘why me?’ and how–thinking and complaining about how things should have gone vs. seeing that they’re turning out better than we could have imagined. 

As important as writing a book is to me, it is not my life. In fact those ‘things’ help to make me a better, authentic storyteller.

I love my mother, and I am thankful to be the friend and daughter she needs to walk her through these annoying and trying times.

I’m sure you’ve probably felt the same way before. It seems like there is always SOMETHING going on/wrong/off-track.  I encourage you to not only remember that phrase that continuously popped up like a defense around my heart and mind: Don’t be weary in well-doing.

At the time, the latter promise of the scripture wasn’t as pronounced, but I felt a certain peace. Because you know what happens if you don’t get weary? When you don’t give up in the middle of if-it-ain’t-one-thing-it’s-another?

in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

So I’m not as worried about my self-imposed deadlines anymore. I figure, every thing (accomplishments, failures, interruptions, love, promotions, disappointment) happens at the time it is to happen.  There will ALWAYS be something to potentially worry about, but I choose not to worry. I choose to have faith that this thing is happening for a reason and I accept the idea that I don’t have a full, 100% clear picture outcome of this thing. So far in my life, those things = good.

How do you cope with unexpected ‘things’ that arise?

 

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They Tried to Put Me In a Box…

My first in-person Ryan Leslie encounter in 2008-ish. He was so gracious and kind. I’m pretty sure this was Take #9.

“They tried to put me in a box. It’s impossible!!” via @RyanLeslie

This mantra is one of my favorites from the talented, creative entrepreneur Ryan Leslie aka R. Les. I attended his Black Mozart concert stop in Atlanta and am still energized from the performance. He mentioned how at one time he wasn’t able to fill up the Center Stage theater and how thankful he was for the SOLD OUT audience.

It’s true. I remember around 2008, when a Ryan Leslie Atlanta stop meant an awkward performance in a DJ booth at Sutra Lounge. He spent most of the night chatting with fans and taking multiple pictures with people like me, as the champagne sat idly on ice. There was no bottle-popping–outside of water.

Later in 2009, he opened for Jazmine Sullivan at the Tabernacle and I couldn’t wait to finally see him live on a real stage. He rocked it OUT, but the crowd reaction was lackluster. I remember my friend and I saying: Man, these people just don’t know Ryan Leslie.

I’ve been in love with Ryan Leslie’s artistry and entrepreneurial spirit since stumbling upon this YouTube video:

And this gem.

While on-stage he talked about how people tell him he’s underrated. Yes, goodness!! As I anticipated the concert, I told anybody that didn’t even ask what I was doing this weekend. Most of them were curious, “Who’s Ryan Leslie?”

Even though he’s produced for some top stars and consistently delivers high quality albums, I can’t remember the last time I heard him on the radio. I don’t think any of his albums have went gold or platinum. Despite being multi-talented and hard-working, R. Les has yet to meet these hallmark measures of success.

R. Les in his element. Do you really need mass popular appeal to feel like this? To get this crowd reaction?

Ya’ll know it’s easy for me to get business inspiration from anything, so NATURALLY while rocking out to his language-barrier breaking song Gibberish, I thought about Seth Godin and tribes. Our participation throughout the entire set made me a happy member of the R. Les tribe. My friend and I felt like we were part of a movement, something special.

Who cares if everybody doesn’t know him? Does it really matter if he doesn’t get those spins on the radio? He seems quite fulfilled on stage. I know I’m a very satisfied tribe member fan. I buy his stuff on blind faith, simply because I KNOW he’s going to make sure the experience is worth my time and money. I’ve attended every show in Atlanta knowing that he’s going to pour it all out whether the audience cheers or not. And I do things like I’m doing now–I GUSH about how great the dude is to any and everybody.

I love offering and having THAT KIND of support for artistry and innovation.

I’m not gonna lie, I look at the bestsellers lists sometimes and part of me wants to be on it–heck it’s even on my vision board. I wrote about how I thought maybe I should make my work grittier, sexier, do SOMETHING that would hopefully lead to more sales. Maybe I should tweet/Facebook more. Perhaps I should just jump on this Young Adult, wait no, New Adult genre/subcategory bandwagon and brand myself better. Add a vampire or zombie?

Seth’s blog post on organizing the first 1,000 changed my whole perspective.

…instead of yelling at strangers all day trying to make a living, coordinating a tribe of 1,000 requires patience, consistency and a focus on long-term relationships and lifetime value. You don’t find customers for your products. You find products for your customers.” via Seth Godin Blog

Sometimes I read so many articles and talk to so many people that I’m left thinking: If it takes that, I don’t even want to do this anymore! Some of these ideas and theories push me to go further away from what I LOVE doing and who I do it for. Chasing after trends and tweaking what I do to make everybody happy takes time away from focusing on those who already like my stories. Creating for 1,000 people who genuinely like my style seems like an efficient and effective approach; it’s a win-win for me as an artist and the recipient. 

Interestingly enough, R.Les recently talked to The Wall Street Journal about how he went from a Harvard student (at 16) to a music entrepreneur. And guess what he talked about?

I think the music industry is going to shift to people who are playing to the audiences that are genuinely interested in them. We’ll be able to build a sustainable lifestyle even if you just have 1,000 fans. If you just have 1,000 fans that are willing to pay you $100 a year  for all of your music, plus a couple of tickets to a show, you’re living a middle class American lifestyle.”

In this writing journey the fear and weight of trying to relate or connect with all audiences is overwhelming. I have big dreams as a creator, but I don’t have to be a millionaire. The peace and AMAZING feeling of doing what I love, encouraging others and being able to care for myself and my family, that’s priceless. Technically all I have to ‘worry’ about is the doing what I love part. I’ve talked about how God OWNS the process and what happens to the book after completion. He’s also already promised me He will provide food, shelter, clothing and my children will never beg for bread.

And yet people will tell you to do a thousand random things that they think will make you more money. They’ll measure your success by followers, fans, rankings and page views in an imperfect formula. Don’t let them put you in a box. They don’t have your purpose, talent or vision and there is no template for fulfilling YOUR destiny. You definitely should learn from mentors and seek advice, but you have to consistently and courageously follow your own path. Consider the FULL picture and legacy of your efforts–not just the immediate dollar signs.

Make money, don’t let that money make you {always wanted to say that, LOL}.

I’m curious, have people tried to box you in? How do you stay on your own path in the pursuit of your dreams? Add your two cents below. 

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Maybe It’s Just Me: I Like the ‘New’ Game

I’m still mad that when UPN died, the CW chose The Game and whatever that bootlegged show with Duane Martin & LisaRaye was called instead of Half & Half. Yes, I still want to know if Spencer and Mona became the loving couple I knew they could be. Heck, I’m still bitter that the CW thinks they’re better off ratings-wise with their current line-up. Seriously?

Anyway…

I’ve actually never been a huge fan of Derwin and Girl, Melanie, so maybe that’s why I reacted differently to the departure of Tia and Pooch.

I’m glad. 

It’s like a fresh start to a cycle of drama and egotistical behavior being rehashed and recycled over and over again. Honestly, they had progressed so far away from their original characters, dreams and goals (in a bad way) that for me, it didn’t make common sense. I could go on and on about how their characters–and Miss Tasha Mack–had devolved.

So after a friend encouraged me to give the show another try, I checked it out. And I actually liked it–like I want to watch it.

I’ve seen a lot of comments from fans that they want the previous main characters to return (as if TV isn’t a business) and I can imagine what that feels likes. Perhaps, the safest way to transition would have been for BET to create a spin-off. Too late for that now.

I will say the main thing that excites me about the ‘new’ iteration of The Game, is the new relationship of the featured characters. I hope they don’t rush it. So far, they’re going a little too fast. Maybe it’s the Scandal-effect?

GREAT television is built upon the journey of great relationships. Slow it down BET, please. It’s so obvious you want them to be together and essentially replace your previous main characters. However, have you noticed how MOST of your fan-base doesn’t want that to happen? Let them grow, love, hate, fail, succeed at their own pace. 

The blueprint has been laid. TV viewers have rooted for couples to get together forever–it’s a tried and true technique. The only thing is you can’t force it on us. Show us the chemistry and tension and trust me, our hope for things to work out will come. In fact, we might hang around for a few seasons based purely on this hope.

In case you need a better explanation, here are some of my favorite TV relationships that required faithful viewership.

Dwayne Wayne & Whitley Gilbert  – Yes, their last names are required. This unlikely duo seemed doomed from the start, but you know what, I held out hope for season after season. I was quite happy that Dwayne Wayne lost interest in Denise–that was just boring! Dwayne and Whitley, though? The hilarious and realistic scenarios this couple overcame kept me entertained and in love with A Different World.

Jim & Pam - It began the moment he knew exactly the flavor of yogurt she loved, even though she was engaged. Between awkward confessions of love, moves, other loves, hilarious weddings and so many moments, I still start cheesing when I see them on-camera. I’m still in denial that after this season, I won’t get to see what happens next for this extra – ORDINARY couple.

Spencer & Mona - Well you already know how I feel. And I don’t know how things turned out. I think it would have been awesome. Ugh.

Kyle & Max - Talk about love & hate from the get-go. There was nothing like the banter between these two. The tension only grew as they denied the connection and attraction we all saw. It was exciting to see them fight the force and give into it . There was never a doubt in my mind that these two were made for each other. Yet, I enjoyed watching them discover that fact.

William & Joan - Girlfriends is another show that I’d hoped for a better end, but yeah. I didn’t have much hope for William and Joan transitioning from friends–in fact two very compatible friends–to a relationship. They just didn’t have that extra umph that takes you beyond a platonic relationship. And yet, they tried. At times awkward, I still enjoyed their {failed} relationship because it was authentic.

Amy & Sheldon – The ability of the Big Bang Theory to translate nerdiness and awkwardness in all levels of life is hilarious and brilliant. Enough said.

Jay & Tamiko…or Austin – Roomie.Lover.Friends is by far one of my favorite web shows out there. When I really think about it, the series is pretty much all about the beginning, continuance and ending of relationships. I’m not sure what will happen and I’m actually on the fence about who I think Tamiko should be with, so you know what? I keep watching and waiting for season 2!

I could list couple after couple that I have rooted for, cried with, laughed about, etc. To me that’s what makes television interesting–that ability to connect with the characters on an emotional level because we all need and want a little love.

Who are some of your favorite TV couples?

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Faith Beats Fear: The Final Four Edition

 

I’m not a big basketball fan, so I haven’t been following all the March/April Madness. Perhaps I’ve been bitten by the bug as the Final Four takes over my town this weekend or the Jimmy V 30 for 30 episode, Survive and Advance on ABC. (Can I just say, I wish I had cable some days purely because of ESPN and The Walking Dead? I almost cry on almost every 30 for 30 episode.) Sports Illustrated named the win “the greatest moment in college basketball history in the 20th Century.”

I was born in 1983 so I didn’t get to see NC State’s fairytale journey to the Final Four. Well, the fictional team in the Village series is also known as the Wolfpack and Jimmy V’s faith was just amazing, so I felt it only made sense to feature some of those words.

To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.

Watch his full ESPY speech.

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L. Michelle vs. Lakeshia Poole

I came up with the pseudonym L. Michelle circa 2000. At the time I worked as a teller and when things became super-slow at the drive-thru, I brainstormed and perfected my author signature. I dreamed of being a writer one day and it would be important for me to have a dynamic and beautiful signature for book signings, right?

Holding on to these scribblings and dreams of an 17-year-old, when I decided to publish my fiction online, I went with that name: L. Michelle. I continued holding on to my alter ego when I self-published my e-book and paperback. (In fact you’ll still see it here and there as I slowly, but surely transition).

Then one day as I promoted my book on Facebook, a high school friend asked: Keshia, is this your book? 

It dawned on me I was causing confusion and devoting so much energy to building this brand awareness for L. Michelle. There was a feeling of falseness that accompanied this realization. I also acknowledged how many potential book sales I was missing out on simply because I had failed to tap my network.

So I asked my mother: Do you think I should go by my real name?

Her answer: Why not?

Why not the name made popular by a precocious, funny, fictitious little girl known as Rudy Huxtable?

Why not the name that’s so flexible it’s prefixes go from A to Z?

Why not the name that my 8 year-old brother recommended at my birth because it was similar to a girl he had a crush on?

Why not my last name inherited from my beloved father–my first role model for so many things, including storytelling?

Why not just be me?

Can I just say when I decided to begin the process, I felt this weight slowly being lifted? I had been unknowingly hiding behind this L. Michelle chick. You see this isn’t the first time I’ve had a bit of a ‘hang-up’ related to my name.

I will never forget my junior year as part of a lively African-American Literature class. Somehow we stumbled on the topic of names. I told my professor that I would likely use my middle name on my post-grad resume–Lakeshia carried too much ‘ethnic’ baggage. Studies had shown how so many resumes went to the trash simply because of name-bias. I needed  a job.

Professor Miller in lots of fervor & debates over a few days encouraged me to trust; to not count myself out before even trying to be authentically who I am. I took his advice and pretty much landed interviews with every company I submitted my résumé.

So was I doing the same thing in sharing my stories with the world? Was I expecting my work to be trashed, thus completely separating myself from it in anticipation of failure?

Writing is a scary, transparent process. One of my biggest fears is the judgement that comes from people thinking my characters/plots = me. Once I wrote a short story about a girl who became pregnant her freshman year and aborted the child, thinking that’s what the father wanted. He didn’t. She was devastated. Their relationship was never same.

The friend that I allowed to read it looked at me with concern and pity. I assumed he didn’t like it and wanted to know what he thought of the piece. He seemed at a loss for words.

Finally, he said, “I didn’t know this happened to you.”

It took a LOT of convincing and repeated denials to convince him it wasn’t my story. I just wanted to talk about what happens when people make major assumptions and decisions.

That was the first time I realized that the words I put forth and the people I ‘create,’ could possibly be perceived as  a reflection of ME. 

I didn’t want to be judged. With L. Michelle, I could blame her. You know, she’s like my Sasha Fierce–she does things, says stuff Beyonce is too coy and innocent to even think to do.

That my friend, was FEAR. I didn’t believe in myself. I completely overlooked the blessing that I could imagine something, put it on paper and it come across as authentic to those who read it. I cared too much about my ego instead of being the writer I so deeply desire to be. Instead of being Lakeshia Poole: the artist, storyteller, publisher, writer, web-weaver; simply the girl who writes about imperfect people making imperfect decisions and living imperfect lives but keeping the faith, finding love and redemption along the way.

I may pick up L. Michelle again…who knows.

But ya’ll, it really feels good to be just Lakeshia Poole. 

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You Want Me to Jump?

Thanks to my friend Ann for sharing and encouraging me to LEAP.

 

I saw this on Facebook and thought YES. That’s how I look when I’m peeking at an opportunity. I think the most memorable thing about jumping, for me, is how it feels. There is absolutely nothing like the swell in your chest and the nerves that go all over the place–that feeling can either push you away or over. Harness the adrenaline, close your eyes if you have to and jump, baby.

Thanks to my friend Ann for sharing and encouraging me to LEAP.

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