Taven Moore's Blog, page 50

The First Quarter Of The Book

Mixed Signals

“The first quarter of your book is set-up!” says writing advice A.

“You have to jump immediately into the action. Page 1 is already full gallop!” says writing advice B.

Who Is Right?

They’re both right! (whee, isn’t that fun?)

Explanation A

The first quarter of the book IS set-up.

It’s set-up for the world, set-up for the characters, set-up for the story.

Explanation B

It is not, however, stuff that happens before the story begins.

I realize that’s a little confusing, given the term “set-up” is generally used to mean “getting ready for” … but it’s still a good term.

You cannot cannot cannot spend that first 1/4 waiting or preparing for stuff to happen. You could, back in the day. You absolutely did, as a matter of fact. These days, though? That’s book death. You have to show me your world, character, and conflict on the FIRST PAGE. Hook me with the first line.

That’s a tall order, but it’s doable while still leaving the first quarter of the book as “set-up”.

Example

Let’s assume you’re writing a murder mystery book.

You don’t drop the reader in the MIDDLE of a murder investigation, right? But neither do you show us the sleuth making breakfast for 100 pages before someone dies.

The character has to make a decision in that first quarter of the book — the kind of decision that changes everything for them, and that once they’ve made it? There’s no way they can go back to Normalsville ever again.

They can’t make that decision on page 1, because the reader doesn’t know enough to care that they’re making it.

So, what do you do?

If you’re writing a murder mystery, you off someone quickfastandinahurry. First page, maybe. First chapter, almost certainly. You’re writing a murder mystery here. No need to be coy about the fact that someone dies. The reader already knows that. (Side note? I hate it when I read a book where the main character is supposed to be dropped into a magical world…and I’m more than a quarter into the story and NO MAGIC IN SIGHT. Is the writer thinking I’ll be pleasantly surprised when it happens? Because I bought the book FOR the magic. Stop with the dillydallying! *flails*)

The fact that someone died isn’t the story. The MYSTERY of the death is the story. So your sleuth is poking around, looking for more information … and by that 1/4 mark, the reader knows them, knows the other characters, cares about the MC and BLAMMO, now you show the MC making the decision that changes everything.

You’ve laid down the foundation for the plot (you haven’t waited till this point to give clues or add conflict, which should be in every chapter), but at the 1/4 mark, there is NO way this sleuth isn’t going to do everything in their power to find the killer. Maybe the killer kidnaps their kid or threatens their own life, or does something the MC considers unforgivable. That part’s up to the writer.

Set-Up

The first quarter of the book is set-up for that decision … not for the events of the story.

You’re setting up all the little bits and pieces in the reader’s mind that they need in order for that decision to matter.

Does that make sense?

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[Perry] Judging a Book by its Cover

Choose Volume III Cover Art Released!

DRUMROLL PLEASE ….

This is the final cover for Choose, Volume III (not yet available for purchase).

Isn’t it INCREDIBLE? Kudos to the artist, Courtney McPhail (McWin!)

 

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[Perry] Everyone Dies

Relatively long post ahead. Grab a nice, hot mug of tea and settle in =)

Do you know how to make people care about the characters in your story? It’s a big secret but I’m going to let you in on a conclusion I’ve reached.

The key is, you need to make your audience worried for your character’s safety.

It sounds so simple doesn’t it?

“But Perry, you handsome devil you, why are you bothering to tell us something that everyone already knows?” You might ask.

Well let me tell you, giving your audience a genuine fear that their favorite character won’t make it out of there alive is a damned hard feat.

For starters, if you’ve built up a big emotional investment with the audience and your main character, as an author, you don’t want the ninny to die either. I mean really? Name the last time you’ve written something, or even read/watched something where the main character was ever in genuine danger of getting squished.

When Luke Skywalker fought Vader at the end of Empire Strikes Back, were you at any point worried for the whiny bugger? Hell no. Despite the fact that he was fighting against some mysterious “master” of force powers with a fetish for breathing heavy and and wearing black, you knew that Luke would make it out of there alive. Just like you knew that Han would be saved before the series was over (even though that almost didn’t happen).

In Aladdin, the guy grabs the lamp and oh no, the cave is collapsing. There’s lava and fire and rocks falling in and all sorts of shit and he’s flying out of there desperately on his flying carpet, monkey in tow. Are you, at any point, worried that he’s not going to make it out of there? Hell no. For starters, the movie’s named after him and for seconders, it’s not even halfway into the movie by that point.

I can throw out a million more examples off the top of my head but I’ll spare you as I’m sure that you can think of just as many on your own.

The point is, the vast, vast majority of the time, you really aren’t worried about the safety of the main characters.

Sure, the supporting cast might die, in one brave sacrifice or another, and the very odd time, the main character might buy the farm at the very end where he’s got a chance to make a giant heroic gesture that’s all dramatic and will be mourned by everyone, in great detail and a public setting. But when are you genuinely afraid for the main character during the course of the story?

The authors themselves invest so goddamned much into them that they don’t dare risk them. They might scrape by on the skin of their teeth but they will. Not. Die.

To be sure, there are a lot of ways to jerk at the heartstrings and get you to shell out emotional cash for the main character but threatening to really kill them isn’t one that’s often used.

Which is exactly why, in the hands of an artist, such an act can become so poignant and memorable.

Two in particular stand out for me. George R. R Martin is notorious for one thing really in his Song of Ice and Fire series and that’s making you grow to love a character, and then rubbing them out.

I’m really not kidding.

Time after time in that series, he introduces a character that you don’t really like at the start. They’re too arrogant or cold or distant but I’ll be damned if they don’t grow on you. Brienne, Jaime, Tyrion, all characters I didn’t like at the start when I met them but as time went on they grew on me like you wouldn’t believe. Then I turn a page and they’re dead, mutilated or completely up shit creek without even a boat let alone a paddle.

It’s remarkably effective when done well but I often get an impression of a callous disregard on the part of Mr. Martin, as if they aren’t real living, breathing characters but pawns to be moved around in the game of thrones.

On the other end of that spectrum is Guy Gavriel Kay.

Go and take a gander at his Fionavar Tapestry or The Lions of Al-Rassan.Don’t worry, I’ll wait right here till you’re done.

. . .

Okay, you’re back.

Kay tends to kill off a lot of his characters too during the course of his books, supporting cast, main characters, nobody’s really safe. But with Kay, you get the impression of such…love. It sounds odd but the death of any primary character in Kay’s works comes off as such a sacrifice, each and every one risking their lives for a highly held ideal and spending it gladly in pursuit of it.

Both methods work wonderfully. Martin’s deaths come across as abrupt and brutally real. Like real people meeting real ignoble ends. Not everyone dies a hero and not everyone gets injured diving across the street to save a little kitten about to be run over by a car. People die every day, every minute for a giant host of reasons and Martin reflects that brutal reality so well it’s scary. Just as it scares me a little how much I realize that I care for a given character but didn’t even realize how strongly they’d grown on me until I felt the pang of their loss.

Kay’s approach is the ideal and the dream. People die just as they do in real life but every life is a precious jewel lost forever to the darkness. Sacrificing their lives for a greater good, spending their lives to serve as a shining example of what people are capable of when all hope is lost. Lives spent to protect and defend an ideal, an idea, that of love and life itself.

The deaths that you run across in Kay’s works seem dreamlike. Daydreams about having your life mean something more than you’ve been able to show during the course of it. Defining life with how it ends.

It is an equally effective approach.

The point?

Both of these writers have tapped into that…darker well. Where the sheer and overwhelming reality of mortality intrudes into the dream and makes you give a shit.

Go and watch the recent Transformer movies. At what point do you find yourself worried for someone? EVER?

Sam has some tiny robot crawl into his goddamned brain and I’m not worried about him. Hell, Sam and Optimus both die in the second movie and I’m not concerned one bit for them as characters simply because I know, not suspect, but know that they won’t finish the movie with these people dead.

The shock and awe of actually permanently killing a main character that you’ve come to love with no hope of revival is a powerful tool if used right and, by itself, can do more to draw your reader closer to your characters than any lovingly crafted backstory, or tender, revealing moment of weakness or their flaws.

The emotional payoff of having your two lovers reuniting after a tumultuous time is nothing compared to what you’ll get if you kill one of them, preventing that reunion from happening.

Now, don’t get me wrong.

I’m definitely not saying to just throw the lives of your characters away for effect. That’s not it at all.

But if you’re at a point where your character might die as a result of their own choices and moral code, don’t just dismiss the moment out of hand in a blind attempt to confer a measure of invulnerability to the person due to their rank of “main character.”

If they might die, consider actually killing them and see what happens from there.

You might surprise yourself.

Related posts:

[Perry] The Power of a Good Threat
[Perry] Using An Unreliable Narrator
[Perry] Wherein Not All Things Need To Be Ambitious

I Am A Biased Reader

I do not like present tense.

There. I said it.

I’d also admit to disliking second person, but since hardly anyone tries to write in second person, it’s like saying you dislike drowning. It kind of goes without saying.

Back to present tense.

My bias is that I generally prefer close third person past tense point of view.

When I come across first person present tense, the writing REALLY has to wow me to keep me reading. Something about it keeps jarring me out of the story … and to my dismay, the number of recent books I’m finding which utilize present tense (almost always first person present tense) is growing.

I’ve even hit a book that has first person present tense … and multiple points of view.

/face, apply palm

Some Examples

Apologies in advance for the examples that I haven’t taken time to hone into GREAT examples.

Third person distant, past tense:

Tami threw the book against the wall, where it crowned a stack of similarly abused books in a growing monument to her delicate reader’s palate.

Third person close, past tense:

Tami threw the book against the wall, frustration blossoming into dark satisfaction when its spine thocked into the wall before crowning her untidy pile of hardcover betrayers.

Third person close, present tense:

Tami throws the book against the wall, eyes glinting with satisfaction as the spine snaps and it falls to crown the untidy pile of hardcover betrayers.

First person close (not going to bother with second person or first person distant), present tense:

I throw the book against the wall, frustration blossoming into dark satisfaction when its spine thocks into the wall before falling to crown my untidy pile of hardcover betrayers.

So What’s Wrong With That?

Nothing, unless you’re like me and aren’t overly fond of first person to begin with.

To read “I” did this and “I” thought that can be very jarring when those emotions are not in line with the REAL “I”. That is to say, myself.

Diary-style books rarely work for me (and yet I love Terrier) and the first person point of view typically jars me out of reading multiple times no matter how well it’s done. I’m not imagining a character acting out what I’m reading, I’m imagining that I am doing these things.

I’m getting better about first person, but the present tense almost never works for me.

It’s supposed to lend a sense of immediacy and remove the sense of “these things already happened, and thus things will turn out okay” from the reader.

All it does for ME is force me  to constantly stumble over sentences, like stones hidden in tall grass.

The Book

An example : I’m currently reading The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater (she’s most commonly known for the Shiver trilogy).

I love the premise for The Scorpio Races (man-eating ocean horses raced every year on a tiny island). I am enjoying the author’s voice, and I am REVELING in an author who seems to genuinely love horses.

But I am finding it less engrossing because of the multiple points of view, each in first person, and each in present tense. Each chapter is crowned by the PoV character’s name … but I didn’t know that at first, and shifted from a boy to a girl without any real understanding of what had just happened.

I’m going to keep going because man-eating ocean horses – HELLO – but there’s a giant part of me that wishes this book was written in third person past.

Other Points of View

That being said, Steve Hall made several comments that he wished I’d written Love’s Champion (the Dragon short story for the next Saucy Chronicle short story collection) in first person.

So I know it’s all very subjective.

Anyone else have a reader bias? Even if you know it’s not popular … some preference (or dislike) when it comes to storytelling that can make or break a book for you?

 

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New Art!

Available for your viewing pleasure on Flickr:

Clarissa’s Gift – a sketch for The Lovely Clarissa, in trade for a pair of fingerless mitts. She gave me a list of critters she liked, and I couldn’t choose just one.
Tangent Squirrel – inks, done as a random gift for some folks at work, regarding the easily-distracted nature of some of our meetings. “Squirrel!”
Sockpuppy Inks – inks, to be completed commission for a lady at work. Proceeds for the commission went to the local food bank charity.

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[Perry] Wherein Not All Things Need To Be Ambitious

So I recently caught the Judge Dredd movie and it was about six hundred forty seven thousand times better than the original Judge Dredd movie done with Stallone all those years ago.

It’s a very simple story at its heart. In a dystopian, crime-filled future, the Judges are all that stand between all-out chaos and a semblance of order.

The main character, Judge Dredd is tasked with the assessment of a new Judge, and on that day, they end up in a mega-block called Peach Trees ruled by the sadistic drug lord (drug lady?), Ma-Ma.

When the building is locked down, they become embroiled in a desperate struggle to survive.

When I got home later that night, I did what I usually do after seeing a movie. I hopped online and browsed through a few reviews.

The reason I do this is pretty simple.

I want to know if other people felt the same way I did about various aspects of the movie. I also want to know if there were maybe things I missed that other people caught.

The reviews…were about what I expected. Most praised it for being a decent watch with good pacing and functional characters.

Others…well, here’s where things get interesting.

Some other reviewers blasted the movie, saying that it was nothing but a series of contrived meetings between the good guys and the bad guys so they could have some sort of shootout.

Umm…have you SEEN the trailer to the movie? What part of that screams out character depth and subtle plot development to you?

The people who made this movie knew exactly what sort of story they were trying to tell and they knew just how to do it.

Dredd is a straight action movie where the good guys are good guys, the bad guys are bad guys, and buildings are buildings.

See, what confuses me about the negative reviews is that nothing about the premise or the trailer really tries to pretend that this movie will be something other than it is.

If they showed me a trailer like the one for Cloud Atlas and then gave me Judge Dredd instead, I could understand the disappointment and the feeling of being let down.

The point I’m trying to make in a very (VERY) roundabout way is that sometimes, it’s perfectly okay to NOT reach for the stars. It’s important to know the limits of your material so that you don’t stretch it to the point of breaking.

Not every story needs a far-reaching plot full of intrigue and twists and turns. Not all good guys need to have a tragic past with a fatal flaw that they overcome just in time to emerge triumphant at the end of the tale. Not all bad guys need a note of sympathy to play their part in the story.

Some stories are small in scope and it’s a perfectly wonderful thing to be.

I’d far rather experience a focused and tightly paced small story instead of one that tries so hard to be something far-reaching and consequential that it just ends up buckling under the weight of its own expectations.

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[Perry] The Power of a Good Threat
[Perry] Using An Unreliable Narrator

[Jenny] The Next Big Thing - Tagged

Tami’s preface : Jenny is the “Barto” I tagged in my own Next Big Thing. She doesn’t have her own blog, so I happily offered my webspace for her soapbox. Without further ado….

What is the working title of your book?

Second Soul.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

Mythology, mainly. I took several themes from shamanistic and Pagan traditions. The World Tree of Norse mythology; the idea that shamans have a second soul; the belief that all people have a kinship with one type of animal. Then I asked myself what the modern world would be like if these things were true.

What genre does your book fall under?

Young adult modern fantasy.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters is a movie rendition?

I am terrible at remembering names (of people and movies alike). So I’ll take a pass on this question, lest I write something like, “Bart looks like that one guy who was in that thing… remember? No, not that one. The other thing.”

What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?

Rose Shannon, a girl born with a ‘second soul’ that allows her to speak to animals, struggles to understand her new-found powers and to save herself and her friends from malevolent creatures who devour the souls of kids like her.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Hopefully it will be represented by an agency. I want to do one more bout of editing and then I’ll start looking for an agent. If I can’t publish through an agency, however, I’m not adverse to self-publishing.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? May we see an introduction?

Three months for the rough draft. Though that was rough, rough, rough! I spent another two polishing it before I was willing to let anyone see the manuscript.

In this scene, Rose discovers one of her talents. After she hears a small boy calling for help, she confronts a group of bullies and tries to rescue their victim.

On the other side of the point, five boys stood around a large cardboard box that rocked violently from side to side.

“Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing!” she yelled.

All of them jumped as she stormed over, glancing at each other sheepishly. For one second, Rose dared to hope that she could grab the child and run before they realized what had happened.

Then Donnie stepped between her and the box. “Hey there, Freaky,” he sneered. “What’re you doing here?”

“None of your business. Who’s in that box?”

She tried to step around him, but he planted a big, beefy hand in the middle of her chest and shoved her back. “There’s nothing in the box,” he said. As if she couldn’t see the thing moving! “We’re gonna throw it in the river, see how far out it goes before it sinks.”

“With a kid in there! Are you nuts?”

That was crazy, even for Donnie. Estabrook might be a bully, but he wasn’t a murderer. Did he really think a small child could swim through the Penobscot’s fierce currents?

“A kid?” the boy snickered. “What makes you think there’s a kid in there, Freaky?”

Rose planted her hands on her hips. “Like I’m deaf? I could hear him begging for help halfway back to Harford’s, you idiot!”

“He’s… begging?” Donnie’s eyes began to sparkle and his buddies snickered.

At that exact moment, the child spoke up. “Help me!” he cried. “Please, let me go!”

“See? Don’t worry, sweetheart,” she said, dropping to her knees beside the box. “I’ll get you out of there. I promise.” For some reason, that set all of the boys laughing. Rose ignored them. “What’s your name?”

The shaking stopped and then a quiet voice said, “Fuzzy.”

“Fuzzy?”

What kind of a name was that?

Donnie howled with laughter, but to Rose’s surprise some of the others shuffled away from her and cast nervous glances at their leader. “Holy crap, is she seriously talking to that thing?” Jeff muttered.

“Totally,” Donnie assured him. “Didn’t you hear how she flipped out in Mr. Smith’s bio class last May?”

Oh no… Rose’s heart sank. Not that again, please.

“Yeah they’re in lab, dissecting frogs and suddenly Freaky busts in the door and starts yelling about how they’re all murderers and the frogs are screaming!”

She could still remember the tiny wails of agony and despair. Even now there were nights she dreamed about it. Only in her dreams the lab door was locked and she watched, helpless, as the frogs shrieked.

“She goes crazy. Starts ‘freeing’ all the live frogs and stomping the dead ones flat.”

“They weren’t dead. Just paralyzed. I couldn’t save them.” Rose whispered, but the boys were laughing too hard to hear her.

Why was Donnie bringing that up now? While everyone watched him, Rose quietly reached for the box and cracked open one of its flaps.

A pair of green eyes stared up at her. Shock ran down her spine as she realized it wasn’t a child inside the box, it was a little orange tabby cat. Scrawny and muddy, he was basically a kitten, with huge, terrified eyes.

What other books would you compare this story to in your genre?

My husband dubbed it a cross between Harry Potter and The Hunger Games. That sounds pretentious, but it’s not because he thinks it’s going to sell a million copies! It focuses on a young shaman in the process of discovering her powers (hence the Harry Potter reference). Yet the world is much darker than Harry’s. The Great War has ended and the good guys lost. Rose’s magic awakens in a world controlled by an ancient evil, a creature that will destroy her as soon as he realizes she exists. That ‘secret rebel fighter’ angle reminded my husband of The Hunger Games.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Tami.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, Tami and I were in a World of Warcraft RP guild. She asked me to write some fan-fic with her. Previously I’d never been able to finish anything I wrote. Working with her, I did. Then she upped the ante. What about co-writing a real book?

We made great progress and learned tons of things working together. Before we could finish our manuscript, however, things changed. Tami got promoted and could no longer steal time during the day to write. The gaps between our sessions grew long. In the end, we both decided this wasn’t working and we put the project on hold.

I decided to try a novel by myself, even though in the past I’d never been able to finish anything. But the time Tami and I spent writing together had changed me. I picked up some discipline, some practice, some knowledge. This time everything fell into place – and I finished my first book.

I don’t think I would have even tried if it wasn’t for Tami. For that gift, I will always be grateful!

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

A major theme of Second Soul is the treatment of animals and the world around us. If you know everything has a spirit, how does that change the way you live? For instance Rose, the heroine, realizes at one point:

Most people would call Fuzzy ‘just’ a cat. Once you could talk to something, however, it stopped being ‘just’ anything.

I don’t have the answer to my own question – so don’t worry, the book isn’t a lecture! Every character has a different viewpoint. Take, as an example, the problem ‘If everything can talk, what should you eat?’ Two of my characters (and one of my villains) would have completely different answers.

Rose: Vegetarian. At least until I learn how to talk to plants and then… hmm… I don’t know. I don’t have time to worry about that now, though. I’m just trying to stay alive.

Bart: If everything talks I might as well eat bacon. It tastes better.

Malichek: Eat people you don’t like. That way when your meal suffers and dies, it’s all good!

Technology is another theme. Many writers treat magic and science as enemies. Natural vs unnatural. Yet if a shaman’s drum can have a spirit, why can’t a modern shaman’s cell phone talk too? And if it does, what does that imply? For my heroes technology is an ally, not an enemy. A powerful tool that their ancient adversaries don’t really understand. Technology changes the world at a breath-taking speed – and that’s one of the few advantages these kids have against a creature that’s lived for millennia.

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Yoga the Second

Recap

Continuing from Yoga the First.

Poses we’ve learned thus far:

Breathing (sit and breathe deeply and slowly)
Cat Pose (hands and knees, arch breath down on inhale, up on exhale)
Mountain Pose (standing, arms from center, swinging wide to above the head on inhale)

Today, we’re going to add Neck Rolls (not technically yoga, but so important in today’s society, when we keep so much tension in our neck and shoulders), Standing Forward Bend, and a LARGE supplement at the bottom about Corpse Pose.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Neck Rolls

Take a deep breath (I know, you’re surprised, right? More breathing!) from either a seated or standing position. I typically do this before Mountain Pose, so I’m pretty much always standing.

On the exhale, let your head fall gently forward until you can feel a little bit of pull on the back of your neck, then gently roll your head to one side, very carefully letting it weigh down until you feel the gentle pull on the opposite side of your neck.

Notice the overuse of the word “gentle” there. This should be STRETCHY but never ever painful. You do NOT want to tear or pull a muscle in your neck. There are bandaids for that, but they’re called neck braces, and no amount of bling makes them fashionable.

Feel free to hang out there for a few deep breaths if you really need it. Me? I always need it when leaning my head to the left. My right side is my tension headache side, and I give it all the extra work I can to avoid flare-ups.

When you’re ready to roll to the other side, take a deep breath, then roll your head forward and over the other shoulder during the exhale.

If you’re pretty loose, you can finish neck rolls pretty quickly. Inhale. Exhale, head down and to the side. Inhale. Exhale, head roll to the other side. rinse, repeat.

Try to hit each side 3-6 times.

When you’re ready to move on, exhale and roll your head to center, so your chin is tucked. Pull GENTLY to get a nice back of the neck stretch, then inhale back up.

You can also add some rolls around the BACK in addition to the front, but you’re more likely to cause injury rolling that way. It can feel nice if you do it carefully, though.

Standing Forward Bend

From standing (surprise, surprise) inhale your arms up and over your head, like you’re doing Mountain Pose. On the exhale, you’re going to spread your arms wide and slowly swan dive, bending at the waist and keeping your eyes forward for as long as you can, then lowering your arms to your knees, shins, toes, or the floor (depending on your flexitude).

Congratulations! You are now bent forward at the waist, with your arms reaching earthward.

You WILL feel this in the back of your thighs.

You WILL get better at this.

If you try and go too deep the first couple of times, you’re going to be hobbling for days while your thighs heal from the tearing. It’ll hurt. Be nice to your body and let it tell you when it’s time to stop pushing down.

When I started doing this pose, I was in okay shape and it still took me a week to touch the floor. Now, I can lay my palms flat, so long as I’ve been keeping up with it. If I go a few weeks without doing this pose, I’m back to barely getting my fingers on the ground.

You may start out only being able to put your hands on your knees, or your shins (or a yoga block, if you’ve got one handy). Don’t berate yourself for not being “stretchy enough” — do the best you can and celebrate that you’re on the path to happy muscles. Allow yourself to bend your knees if you need to.

You will feel this in the back of your thighs, but also probably in your lower back, which is why you want to be very careful. Those back muscles don’t get a lot of workout in a modern world, so when we call on them, they tend to get torn and hurt like hell.

This pose is GREAT because we keep a lot of tension in our thighs. This allows us to release some of that and stretch out painfully shortened muscles.

Right, back to the breathing.

You were exhaling on the swan dive, and now you need to inhale again before your face turns interesting shades of purple. Inhale and raise your torso up until your back is parallel to the ground. Exhale back down. Let your eyes and head relax on the exhale.

Six yoga breaths, and when you come out of this, roll up SLOWLY and CAREFULLY so as not to twinge your back. Take your time and be safe. You’ll end standing back straight.

Corpse Pose

Some folks call this the Final Resting Pose, but who are we kidding? This is just laying flat on the ground. (And breathing).

Lay down. Let your arms flop out to your sides. Your fingers will probably curl naturally, just relax. Legs out, comfortably splayed.

Breathe.

You can modify this with a pillow under the knees and something over your eyes (useful in a bright room, since it’s difficult to relax your eyes when you’re squinting).

There are two popular modifications to this pose.

1) Mediation/Imagery

While you’re laying there breathing, imagine yourself somewhere wonderful.

Perhaps you find yourself on the edge of a beach vista, the sunlight warm against your skin and the sand between your toes. As you walk towards the gently shushing frothy ocean waves, you see a hammock strung between two palm trees. You can rest in it, feeling it sway in the salty breeze, or keep walking along the water. (And then if you’re me, you dive into the water and become a mermaid and suddenly it’s less relaxing because there are starfish to be rescued and sharks to dodge.)

Perhaps you see an old stone and marble stairwell leading down into a lush, forest scene. Greens and blues, dotted with cool shadows and yellow ovals of muted sunlight break through the foliage overhead, and the ground beneath your feet is soft with loam and fallen leaves. Around you, the sounds of the forest lift your spirits, from calling birds to singing insects, the rushing wind through the leaves rises around you like a soft blanket. (And then if you’re me, a jewel-toned fairy dragon appears and leads you off to find a band of natives, all of whom are pre-pubescent children, and who need your help to solve the mystery of …)

As you can tell, I’m not great at the Imagery thing. I start out strong, and then it all goes nutso.

2) PMR – Progressive Muscle Relaxation

This one, I’m quite good at, but it takes time.

Laying down, relaxing and breathing, you’re going to THINK about forcing your body to relax, one body part at a time, starting at your toes and leading to your head.

So!

Inhale. Exhale, focus on your feet and hands, thinking about them relaxing. They may tingle.

Inhale. Exhale, focus on your calves and wrists, thinking about them relaxing.

Inhale. Exhale, focus on your thighs and forearms, think about them relaxing.

Inhale. Exhale, focus on your hips and elbows.

Inhale. Exhale, focus on your upper arms and waist/belly/lower back.

Inhale. Exhale, focus on your shoulders and back.

Inhale. Exhale, focus on your shoulders and back again. (I have back relaxation issues, so I do this twice)

Inhale. Exhale, focus on your neck. You may adjust the angle of your head/neck here to get a better relaxation.

Inhale. Exhale, focus on your FACIAL muscles. Relax your eyes, your expression, your jaw.

Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale.

Now, start moving your fingers and your toes, and slowly come back out of the pose over the course of a few more breaths.

This one ALWAYS makes me feel awesome.

The Current Routine

So! Our new routine is:

Breathing
Cat Pose
Neck Rolls
Mountain Pose
Standing Forward Bend
Corpse Pose

Do those for a while and let me know what you think.

 

Related posts:

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The Next Big Thing (Tagged)

Tagged by the wise and knowledgeable Holly Bodger for The Next Big Thing meme. Answers apply to novel-in-edits, Choose Volume 3

What is your working title of your book?

Choose Volume III: Crossroads in the Sky

Where did the idea come from for the book?

Choose grew out of the results of polls on the site, way back when it began. Even the “castles in the sky” aspect came from a poll.

What genre does your book fall under?

It’s a fantasy/steampunk hybrid, heavy on the fantasy. Young Adult.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Fans of Choose, I HIGHLY recommend you click the links to see the photos. Do you agree? Would you cast it differently? I’d love to know!

Remora Windgates Price ….. Alyson Hannigan
“Handsome” Hank McCoy ….. Josh Holloway
Shima Jinn ….. Jared Padalecki (he’d be CG skinned for the gray/black Shinra’ere skin tone, but man does an amazing “brooding”)
Dame Vakaena ….. Thandie Newton
Mack Craft ….. Dominic West
The Voice of Bones ….. David Hyde Pierce

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

When arrival on the Bespin skycity doesn’t go as smoothly as planned, Remora and the rest of the airship pirate crew will have their resolve, courage, and wits tested by the machinations of Dame Vakaena as secrets from their past rise up to complicate their quest to prove Starbirth.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Self-published, though I did submit the entire series to Amazon as part of their Kindle Serials program.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? May we see an intro?

First draft took about a year (but before you scoff, please realize that the webserial was scheduled for most of that time. An installment would be posted along with a poll, then a week to allow readers to vote, then a week to write the next installment.)

Intro:

Remora paced the length of her cell until the sound of her boots pounding against the ship’s metal floor grew annoying enough to bother even her. Her only cellmate, the white leopard dresl she had decided to call Snow, curled in the corner. Even in sleep, the dresl woman’s ears pinned back with obvious misery.

Remora’s lips firmed. Enough was, quite obviously, more than enough. Standing around meekly while Jinn sulked was getting them no closer to an escape solution.

Moving so that she could speak through the air vent separating her cell from the next room, Remora put her hands on her hips and bent low so that the full force of her displeasure would not be lost upon her neighbor.

“Jinn Hornbright McDeaconswaggle Chattlesworth Shima, I demand that you cease this ungentlemanly behavior of ignoring me.”

For the first time in hours, she heard Jinn’s voice. Granted, it was a strangled, choked version of his typically calm bass, but it warmed her heart to hear him at all. “With all due respect, Miss Remora, the Shinra do not have middle names.”

“An oversight I fully intend to rectify,” Remora declared. “It may take some time for me to find the perfect name, but I do feel those were all rather impressive first attempts.”

An awkward silence fell, followed by a tense and uncomfortable response. “In truth, Miss Remora, I do not feel that any of them would be the middle name of my choosing, were my people given to choosing middle names.”

Remora stifled a smile at his obvious dismay. “Don’t be absurd, Jinn. One is never permitted to choose one’s own middle name. Don’t worry. I believe that I shall be quite good at naming things, given half a chance.”

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Comparison is difficult, partially because I’m still reading on the genre to get an understanding of the genre today (rather than the genre when I was buying books at Half-Price Books during high school).

Many YA books these days are focused on relationships (most of them romantic). Choose is foremost an adventure story, so comparing to authors like Tera Lynn Childs with Oh My Gods isn’t quite right. The “flavor” of Remora’s voice in particular is quite like The Parasol Protectorate by Gail Carringer, but that also is a heavy romance book, and not YA in any case.  Choose doesn’t have the gritty realism of Boneshaker by Cherie Priest nor is it as surreal as The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland In A Ship Of Her Own Making by Catherynne Valente.

In truth, I’d say it’s closest to the anime Full Metal Alchemist, but Choose is (sadly) not illustrated.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

My husband is always an inspiration. In addition to that solid bedrock, the readers of Choose kept me going. It’s hard to stop writing when you’ve got such lovely people threatening you bodily harm if you stop witing.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

The book is LADEN with homages–tiny nods here and there to various movies, books, anime, and cartoons that helped Steven and myself become who we are today. Some of those homages are obvious enough to be picked out by clever readers, but over half of them are so vague that only Steven and I know they’re there.

Tag, You’re It!

I get to tag five folks to fill this out on their own blogs, and I wish it was closer to ten. My five are:

Arleen Barros - Romance writer, often with fantasy aspects. She should blog more often than she does. (HINT, HINT)
Ted Atchley - Christian fantasy writer, who also blogs about sports and politics.
Charlie Hills - Fantasy. Also a book on dieting. Also, his blog has an alarming amount of beard photos. You have been warned.
Faith Williams - All I know is she’s calling it “The Princess Book” and honestly, what more does one really need to know?
“Barto” – No link because no blog, but I’m hoping she’ll let me post her response here. I was priviledged to crit a draft of her first book and it is AMAZING. I want to help her get the word out.

Rules of The Next Big Thing:

*Use this format for your post *Answer the ten questions about your current WIP (work in progress) *Tag five other writers/bloggers and add their links so we can hop over and meet them.

Ten Interview Questions for the Next Big Thing:

What is your working title of your book?
Where did the idea come from for the book?
What genre does your book fall under?
Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? May we see an intro?
What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Who or what inspired you to write this book?
What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

Include the link of who tagged you and this explanation for the people you have tagged. Be sure to line up your five people in advance.

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Editing Your Own Writing

Prefacing this post — the lovely and talented Anna from TooManyAnnas (a long time friend) asked me to help out with a guest post about self-editing. She didn’t even cringe when she saw how long it was going to be. That’s grace in the face of fire right there, folks. She’s got it up as a two-parter, but last time I did a multi-part series, someone staged a minor mutiny on the blog so I’m going to learn from my mistakes. *grin*

Editing Your own Writing

Lovely to see you all so bushy-eyed and bright-tailed on such a sparkletastic morning.  (Would anyone like some coffee?)

Anna’s asked me to help her out with a guest post on self-editing.

First off, self-editing is difficult. Period. It gets easier, and then it gets harder, and I’m really hoping it gets easier again after that, because right now it seems like I can’t write a sentence that doesn’t  want editing.

But! I can help you past that first hurdle by showing you a few simple-and-common mistakes made in writing.

Everyone Needs Editing

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, realize that everyone’s writing could use editing. The better you get at reading critically, the more often you’ll catch errors even in published material.

There’s no such thing as perfect writing.

By that same token, needing editing in no way indicates that you’re a rubbish writer and you might as well go sell shoes or train elephants instead of rubbing verbs together.

You write for yourself.

You edit for your readers.

Our Sample Text

Anna and I collaborated (okay, okay, she did most of the work) to get a sample of some in-need-of-fixing writing. Take a second and read through it, then we’ll get down to the business of editing

“This is awesome, Captain Mortenson!” yells the steamship gunners as they fly over another piece of wreckage.The wreakage was a terrible sight because its another boat who hadn’t made it. “You’ve got an odd understanding of awesome,” the captain then added. He watched as a Horde mortar went saling over the boat. “Hold on boys!”

Anrietta, a human fighter, watched the various crewmembers  as they hustled about, preparing to land on this so-called new continent. The ship was sailing fast. And everyone seemed to be picking up the excitement, as they all waited to see what awaited them over the next few days of exploration.

She approaches a random infantryman and then nods at him. “So do you know what’s out there?”

“Nobody knows what’s out there, Lady, other than Horde,” he said.

“Oh, well, I guess we’ll find out,” she replied. She felt very excited, and couldn’t wait to get to where they were going.

All good? Great, now let’s start picking apart our patient. *hands you all surgeon’s masks*

Tense

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar. It was tense.

BADUM-che!

We’ve got:

“yells the [...] as they fly over”
“… then added. He watched as …”
“waited to see”
“…she approaches as random…”

All those tenses smooshed together into a single unhappy time paradox.

Pick a tense.

In general (and this is a VERY STRONG opinion, so naturally people ignore it and do whatever they want) use past tense.

There are a LOT of new books out that use present tense, particularly in the Young Adult category. I personally dislike reading present tense, as I find it jarring and off-putting after having read past tense for so long.

Since I’m the one stitching up this patient, I’m going to say that during editing, everything shall be past tense.

*bangs gavel*

Subject-Verb Matching

More verbs? Oh yes. More verbs.

“… yells the steamship gunners … “

The steamship isn’t yelling. The gunners are yelling. Or, more precisely, a single gunner is probably yelling, as I’d be surprised to find them all so very well synchronized without a great deal of practice.

Re-writing to clarify a bit (leaving out the word “steamship” as it’s an adjective and just muddies the water when we’re trying to compare verbs and subjects):

The gunners yell. (correct!)
The gunner yells. (correct!)
The gunners yells. (*sad trombone*, incorrect!)

We have a “single” verb and a “plural” subject in the original. One of those has to be changed to match, and in this case it makes the most sense to single-fy the subject.

Make sure your subject matches your verb. Don’t be afraid to reword the sentence and simplify it so that you can SEE the subject/verb pairing.

Spelling

I really don’t need to go through this one, do I? At LEAST do spellcheck. At best? Make sure your homonyms are correct. Hammer the common mistakes into your brain.

It’s (it is) vs its (the thing that belongs to it)
Their (belongs to them) vs they’re (they are) vs there (over yonder)
Raiders (multiple people who raid) vs Raider’s (the thing that belongs to a raider)

These are common mistakes because they’re confusing. Don’t convince yourself that you can get away with not understanding them. Memorize them by rote if you have to.

Even TheOatmeal agrees: (note, links probably not safe for work with regards to language)

How To Use an Apostrophe
10 Words You Need to Stop Misspelling

Our example has a few misspelled words and an abused “its”. Those should be fixed in editing.

“The wreakage was a terrible sight because its another boat who hadn’t made it”

Similarly, Commas

Please, stop abusing commas.

Yes, they take work to fully understand how and when to use them.

No, they are not magical unicorn punctuation, far beyond the comprehension of all but the most skilled writers.

In our example, we’ve got at least three abused commas.

“The wreakage was a terrible sight because its another boat who hadn’t made it”
“And everyone seemed to be picking up the excitement, as they all waited to see what awaited them over the next few days of exploration”
“She felt very excited, and couldn’t wait “

Ignoring the utter cringeworthiness of that first sentence, a comma between “sight” and “because” would at least make it sound a little less robotic when read aloud. This one’s arguably an opinion comma.

In the second and third examples, the commas are unnecessary. They’re about as useful as commas in the middle of a word, which is to say that they’re so bad they’re actively confusing.

Not every “and” needs a comma, and not every place you want the reader to pause needs a comma. Learn the rules so that you break them less frequently.

I’m begging you, on behalf of your comma-sensitive readers.

Stilted Dialogue

How often do you greet a friend by name?

So why, do you reckon, our gunners would address the captain using his name?

“”This is awesome, Captain Mortenson!””

No, stilted-speech gunner, this is not awesome. This is the writer trying to tell the reader what the captain’s name is.

How do you find stilted speech?

Easy, read it aloud. If it sounds like you’re reading a terrible script … you probably are.  Note that direct reference of a character’s name is only one way in which speech may be stilted. The read-aloud fix finds most of them.

If Ands and Buts Was Candies and Nuts…

Try really (really really) hard to not start sentences with “And” or “But”.

Yes, writers do this and get away with it.

However, most of the time, the sentence is stronger without it. Furthermore, rigid grammar holds that you’re not supposed to do it anyway.

“The ship was sailing fast. And everyone seemed to be picking up the excitement,”

In this case, ‘the ship was sailing fast” is a short enough sentence (and not impactful enough to deserve being such a short sentence) that you could turn that period into a comma and make it all one sentence.

Alternately, just drop the “And” to find the second sentence stronger immediately.

Other Useless Words

There’s actually a whole list of words that are almost always useless.

“Very,” for example. In almost every case, it is latched onto a more useful adjective and isn’t pulling its own weight.

“Very”
“Pretty” (as in “kind of,” not as in “beautiful”)
“That”
“And then”
“was” or “is”

These are danger words.  Search for them and make them earn their place if they’re staying.

“She felt very excited…”
“She approaches a random infantryman and then nods at him”

In the first example, the “very” isn’t adding anything. In the second, think about the actual order of action. Is she nodding while she’s approaching? Use “and”. Is she nodding when she’s done approaching? Go for “, then”.  Either solution tightens the writing up a notch.

Sentence Flow

Short sentences are choppy and impactful.

Long sentences are slow and fancy.

Use shorter sentences for heart-pumping action and longer sentences for beautiful descriptions.

“The ship was sailing fast” is a waste of a great, short, impactful sentence because it’s not really important.

Use the flow of sentences and paragraphs to manipulate your readers — do you want their heart pumping? Work that flow!

Another example is the first paragraph of the sample, which  should be broken into  two paragraphs at the point where the captain speaks. 1) because  new speakers always get their own paragraphs but 2) because we’re shifting the focus from the gunner to the captain and we want the reader to shift along with us.

Each paragraph should only do or describe one thing. Zoom way out in your document so that you can’t read the text any more. Your paragraphs should mostly be medium-sized, with very few giant blocks of text and equally few teeny-weeny one-line impact paragraphs.

Weak Action

This is more than just sniping bad use of “to be” verbs … it’s also looking for TELLING instead of SHOWING.

In our example, we’ve got:

“The wreakage was a terrible sight “
“watched the various crewmembers  as they hustled about, “
“She felt very excited, and”
“the ship was sailing fast”

Don’t tell me the character felt excited. Don’t tell me she’s watching crew members hustle about. Show me her excitement and let them hustle without the extra burden.

In the top one, find an ACTIVE verb to describe the sight of the wreckage. In the bottom one, don’t tell me the ship WAS sailing, just let it sail.

Repeated Words

Repeat words as little as possible. This is another one that reading aloud finds more often than reading silently, especially if you’re the writer.

In our example, we’ve got “wreckage”, “boat”, “waited”, and “excitement” being used in various incarnations, multiple times. “Wreckage” in particular is an excellent word … but using it multiple times dilutes the impact of it.

Let’s try to find some alternative phrasings in the rewrite, shall we?

Trees, Meet Forest

Now that your head is spinning in a delightfully drunken sort of way, inebriated by the fizzy bubbles of commas and verbs, let’s step back a bit and take a look at the bigger picture.

The last thing you want to do is spend a ton of energy revising text that you’re just going to delete anyway.

Skulls Are Not Like Hopscotch

Within a single scene, you should only have a single point of view. Even if you are using third person (he said, she said) instead of first person (I said), you are still technically following a single character around.

If you imagine the story as a movie camera … you only get one shot per scene, and the camera should stay next to the main character for that scene.

(This is one of those breakable rules … but you should break it for IMPACT and ARTISTRY and not LAZINESS, okay? Okay.)

In our example, we start very briefly with our gunners, then swap over to the captain, and finally end up following Anrietta. The brief bit with the gunners is forgivable. Sloppy for a story opener, but we slide quickly into the captain’s point of view.

It’s the swap from the captain to Anrietta that’s a big nononever.

Anrietta has a name. I’m assuming she has a name because she’s important, and I’m assuming she’s important because she’s the main character.

When editing, we will move that camera away from it’s seasick swaying across the ship’s deck and keep it firmly and obviously at Anrietta’s side.

Setting Details

Speaking of the ship … is our example on an airship or a water ship?

Not sure? That’s because the writer wasn’t clear.

Full stop.

It does not matter if the writer has this incredibly detailed mental image of the airship, complete with brass fittings and cannon’s leering from openings in the hull like boys passing an exotic dancer’s club, the only thing that matters is the mental image of the reader.

If the reader didn’t get the details they need, the writer is at fault.

Please don’t fix this problem by over-detailing everything. The reader may not NEED a super-detailed image of the ship. They DO, however, need at least a basic understanding of whether they’re in the sky or on the sea.

When I edit this, I’m going to make sure it’s obviously an airship.

Start Strong

You should start new stories/chapters with a BIG HOOK. Start strong, get your readers excited or interested immediately.

We … um … start off with a random excited npc shouting out something forgettable.

Heh. What say we fix that in editing?

The Biggest Picture

Sometimes, a scene needs serious help. In that case, pull your despair from the brink and make a list.

What is the purpose of this scene?

Note that if you don’t have a good answer, you might consider cutting the whole kaboodle rather than futzing about with verb tenses and commas. Everything you write should propel either the story or character forward (ideally, both).

In this case, we want to do the following:

Meet Anrietta
Establish ship under enemy fire (minor)
Establish purpose – new island found, need to land on it

We didn’t do a great job of that, did we? I mean, we TOLD you the ship was under fire, but the overall tone was one of bright excitement. There’s very little tension about the whole “people are shooting at us” thing, and the reader probably couldn’t tell me much about Anrietta at this point.

Even ignoring all the little fiddly bits, we didn’t do the BIG stuff right.

The Importance of Distance

Self-editing is more difficult than editing someone else’s writing, because it’s yours.

These are word-pictures that you’ve painted from glorious scenes in your mind. In your head, the characters are witty and beloved, the world is rich and lush, and the action is heart-stopping.

Unfortunately, it’s possible your writing has a character who is sarcastic and grating, a world that is cardboard thin, and action that reads more like an awkward puppet show.

Until you can set aside your own mind-picture and see only what actually made it to your canvas, you’re going to have a difficult time editing your own writing.

Distance is the key.

You can achieve distance through time — set a piece aside and edit it after you’ve got weeks or months between you and your original mind-picture.

You can also achieve distance by reading the story aloud.

It is amazing to me how often reading a story aloud will show flaws in sentence structure, stilted verbiage, repeated phrasings, and just-plain-not-what-I-meant-to-say wording.

It’s time consuming. Even your dog is going to stare at you like you’ve gone nutters when you start reading aloud.

Do it. You’ll be amazed at the difference.

Don’t Panic

Okay, that was one helluva crash course on editing.

Please, do not panic. You’re not going to be manually running through this list for everything that you write.

Why? Because you’re going to get BETTER. You’re going to internalize some of this stuff. You’re going to go through a period where you eyeball every comma like you caught it with its hand in your wallet. Then, one day before you even realize it, you’re just going to look at a sentence and know when there’s something wrong with it.

It won’t be immediate, but you’ll stop consciously thinking about subject/verb matching, and you’ll just know the right one to use. You’ll see the errors and you’ll have the tools to fix them.

More

There’s always more that can be learned on this subject. We barely touched on sentence structure and flow, and we didn’t even get into voice or style or characterization. We won’t even TOUCH on plotting.

Don’t sweat it. Write. Practice. Get better. You will develop your own style as you practice. Learn one thing at a time and remember … you write for yourself, and you edit for your readers.

If you want readers to enjoy your writing, you’ll learn how to edit.

Final Results

So, what might our sample text look like if it were edited? Specifically, if it were edited by Tami?

Half-frozen fingers tangled in the steamship’s rigging, Anrietta braced herself against the salty sea wind. This might be her last chance to find out what clouds tasted like, and she wasn’t going to miss it.

Looking down past the deck to the frothing waters far below, the tangled and broken wreckage of yet another ship passed beneath them, bright Alliance banners flying in an ignored warning to turn back while they still could.

“Get down from there!” shouted a voice that Anrietta belatedly realized was aimed at her. She recognized her infantry captain on the deck and stuck her tongue out at his distant, blurry face.

As if he could see her tiny act of insubordination, he lifted his arm in a gesture of command that she couldn’t ignore.

She sighed and began to clamber down the icy rigging just as the entire ship shook from a direct hit by a Horde mortar. Shouting rose from the deck and she lost her grip, fingers burning as she scrabbled for a hold.

She caught her grip just as their ship turned away from the attackers, slicing neatly through a puffy cloud bank. At the last moment, she remembered to open her mouth. Anrietta tasted cloudstuff, freezing droplets coating her face and tangling her long black hair into stinging ropes.

They broke through the darkness of the cloud and back into the light of day, and she saw it.

The new continent.

A broad grin spread across her face and she shouted out, “Land, ho!”

Clouds, Anrietta thought as she stared at that tiny spot of green on the horizon, taste like adventure.

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