Rae Gee's Blog, page 8
September 27, 2015
Confusion
Sometimes I leave this blog for a while because I feel like I have nothing to say. It happens out in the real world, too, when my brain and mouth don't co-operate and I forget what I was going to say or just can't get the right words out in time. It's the same when it comes to writing. That has a name and we call it Writer's Block.
How it sometimes feels!
Some of it comes down to a feeling of uselessness, of feeling isolated in a world that I don't connect with. There are some days when I sit and watch the news, or read a magazine, or scroll through social media and feel like I'm living on a planet that isn't my home. I wonder why people find celebrities fascinating, why wars continue to happen over the tiniest thing, or why a video is suddenly headline news. For me, there are days when none of it makes sense and it feels as though you can't see the wood for the trees.
Other times, it's a sense that my voice is too small for this world. That people don't want to listen because, to them, what I have to say is of no meaning. So why waste the time trying to verbalise my opinions to such people?
Some of it could also be down to still adjusting to a life without medication. It's not unknown for the body to take months to make the adjustment, long after the brain has made the necessary alterations.
More often than not, it's related to stress and the exhaustion that brings with it. Recently I moved house and, for the first two weeks, I could do little more than sleep and work. I'd get up, go to work, come home, and just... fade as though there was a switch deep inside of me that would flick off. It was that point where you knew you'd get nothing more done that day. Which is tough to deal with especially when there's a hundred and one things you want to do.
For me, I saw it as a chance to relax and heal. This is a new stage in life. A new place for me to be. A chance for me to sort out my old belongings and put plans in to action for the next period of this thing that we call “Life”. There's many things I want to do and now I feel like I have a fighting chance of doing them. One thing I am learning is that it takes time. Things don't happen overnight. Nor do they happen without some kind of effort on our part. Blood, sweat and tears really do lead to success, whether it's today, tomorrow, or in ten years time.
But there are also times when you just need to take it easy and appreciate what you have around you. For none of us know what tomorrow brings.
How it sometimes feels!Some of it comes down to a feeling of uselessness, of feeling isolated in a world that I don't connect with. There are some days when I sit and watch the news, or read a magazine, or scroll through social media and feel like I'm living on a planet that isn't my home. I wonder why people find celebrities fascinating, why wars continue to happen over the tiniest thing, or why a video is suddenly headline news. For me, there are days when none of it makes sense and it feels as though you can't see the wood for the trees.
Other times, it's a sense that my voice is too small for this world. That people don't want to listen because, to them, what I have to say is of no meaning. So why waste the time trying to verbalise my opinions to such people?
Some of it could also be down to still adjusting to a life without medication. It's not unknown for the body to take months to make the adjustment, long after the brain has made the necessary alterations.
More often than not, it's related to stress and the exhaustion that brings with it. Recently I moved house and, for the first two weeks, I could do little more than sleep and work. I'd get up, go to work, come home, and just... fade as though there was a switch deep inside of me that would flick off. It was that point where you knew you'd get nothing more done that day. Which is tough to deal with especially when there's a hundred and one things you want to do.
For me, I saw it as a chance to relax and heal. This is a new stage in life. A new place for me to be. A chance for me to sort out my old belongings and put plans in to action for the next period of this thing that we call “Life”. There's many things I want to do and now I feel like I have a fighting chance of doing them. One thing I am learning is that it takes time. Things don't happen overnight. Nor do they happen without some kind of effort on our part. Blood, sweat and tears really do lead to success, whether it's today, tomorrow, or in ten years time.
But there are also times when you just need to take it easy and appreciate what you have around you. For none of us know what tomorrow brings.
September 6, 2015
Post-Gig Depression
It's real, folks. Very, very real. For many people, music isn't just a passing phase. It's a way of life. It's a big deal with bands and songs meaning something to them. They go to shows. They collect merchandise. They listen to the albums so often they can quote the songs word for word. Most of all, they have a connection to the people behind that music.
And there's no better place to experience that than at a concert. It's in those hallowed venues that friends and memories are made and deeper connections are formed. The people in the venue, whether they realise it or not, are a part of something. It's in those twilight, magic music filled moments that things happen. For most, if not all of them, the concert they're attending is something very special.
But it's what happens afterwards that many people don't think about. Have you ever been to a show and come out feeling as though life is amazing? Your skin tingles, your ears ring, and your brain whirls. You feel invincible. You feel as though you can take on the world.
And then you wake up the following morning. At first, you feel great. You go through the photos you took. You hum along with the songs you sang the previous night. You look at the merch you bought. You fondly remember the friends, both old and new, that you met.
Yet it doesn't last for long. As the day wears on you feel sad. You might put it down to tiredness, aching legs, or ringing ears. Your movements become slower and eventually you find yourself sitting and staring into space. With a giant sigh, you finally admit it to yourself.
I don't feel so good. And it's not because I'm tired and aching and cranky. My brain feels sad.
It happens as the endorphins from the previous evening begin to wear off. That natural high you found, and want to keep finding, is leaving. All you want to do is grab hold of it again and never let go. It's even harder to deal with if you want to see that band again and they're not coming anywhere near you for the next few years. Suddenly the wait feels like a lifetime. You might have to go through another tour cycle with the band visiting places you can only dream of visiting. You might have to wait for another album to be released. You might even have to wait while the band take a well earned break. It can seem like a long, long time.
Post-gig depression is very real and it's important that you take care of yourself in those moments. Talk to people you went to the show with, or even people you didn't. Surround yourself with fellow fans so you relive the excitement and plan for the next one. Just never give up on the music because soon it'll be time to dance again!
And there's no better place to experience that than at a concert. It's in those hallowed venues that friends and memories are made and deeper connections are formed. The people in the venue, whether they realise it or not, are a part of something. It's in those twilight, magic music filled moments that things happen. For most, if not all of them, the concert they're attending is something very special.
But it's what happens afterwards that many people don't think about. Have you ever been to a show and come out feeling as though life is amazing? Your skin tingles, your ears ring, and your brain whirls. You feel invincible. You feel as though you can take on the world.
And then you wake up the following morning. At first, you feel great. You go through the photos you took. You hum along with the songs you sang the previous night. You look at the merch you bought. You fondly remember the friends, both old and new, that you met.
Yet it doesn't last for long. As the day wears on you feel sad. You might put it down to tiredness, aching legs, or ringing ears. Your movements become slower and eventually you find yourself sitting and staring into space. With a giant sigh, you finally admit it to yourself.
I don't feel so good. And it's not because I'm tired and aching and cranky. My brain feels sad.
It happens as the endorphins from the previous evening begin to wear off. That natural high you found, and want to keep finding, is leaving. All you want to do is grab hold of it again and never let go. It's even harder to deal with if you want to see that band again and they're not coming anywhere near you for the next few years. Suddenly the wait feels like a lifetime. You might have to go through another tour cycle with the band visiting places you can only dream of visiting. You might have to wait for another album to be released. You might even have to wait while the band take a well earned break. It can seem like a long, long time.
Post-gig depression is very real and it's important that you take care of yourself in those moments. Talk to people you went to the show with, or even people you didn't. Surround yourself with fellow fans so you relive the excitement and plan for the next one. Just never give up on the music because soon it'll be time to dance again!
August 30, 2015
Interview - Beyond The Break
Wales is famous for many things. Its scenery is world renowned while the country's food regularly wins awards. Many people call it their home land, including Catherine Zeta-Jones, Griff Rhys Jones and, of course, Tom Jones.
Now there's a new group of Welshmen elbowing their way into the music world. Comprised of seasoned musicians, Beyond The Break have the kind of heavy, grinding sound that fans of hard rock and heavy metal have been searching for for a long time.
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Hi, guys! Please tell us a little about yourselves.Hi! We are Paul Jones (guitars and vocal) Richard Thomas-James (guitars)Chris Francis (bass) andAled Richards (drums)
You formed in early 2015 and you already have an EP out as well as doing as many shows as possible. Your members have played with several household names including 21 Against and Catatonia. How did the band come about?We have all known each other and been different bands for years, gone out, supported each other’s bands, watched each other play live and so on. But with us being in bands there was never an opportunity for us to get together. Kind of like the timing wasn’t right like a relationship I guess. But when it did happen, we knew it was right.
You've got a really great hard rock sound, something that a lot of people seem to be crying out for. Where do you draw your inspiration from? Who are your influences? Do your past bands and endeavours play a part in your music? Or did you want to do something completely new and different?As a group we have bands we all like with wider influences from different places literally from Motown to Megadeth. There has been no conscious effort to be new and different, in all the guises we have been in, rock has been the main style. But with all our different history, which we have definitely learnt and grown from, us coming together now equals the sound we have.
The EP was recorded as live sessions. Do you feel it gives a different dynamic to the finished product as opposed to other recording methods?I think you have to find what suits you. For us, the label and producer recording live was exactly what we all wanted. We like the sound that us four make in a room with amps turned up and that’s what we want to capture. I think we have put that dynamic across.
A lot, not all, but a lot of the modern technology is about perfection and manipulation. That’s not what we are about, we are a rock band, a good rock band and the recording gives an idea of what we are about and what we sound like live as that’s how it was recorded. That’s not to say we wouldn’t record using a different format in the future, but for now, we like this process as the E.P sounds like us, four guys in a room making noise.
There's been a lot of talk about music streaming recently. What are your thoughts on that as well as the current music scene?From a fans point of view, we all listen to music and want it to be as accessible as possible. However, the days when you were paying £15 for an album after queuing up outside a shop have gone, with Spotify for example being free or £10 a month for unlimited amounts of music its obviously meaning artists are getting less money than they were previously.
It has certainly been better for us than I think we anticipated, our Spotify count continues to surprise us, and at this stage right now that exposure can only be a good thing. The challenge for us is to turn those plays into fans who then buy the EP and so on.
I think the most important thing for the UK music scene is we need to do more to protect smaller venues. It is these which provide the platform for us bands to build and grow, many iconic small venues such as TJ’s in Newport have gone, the Fleece in Bristol could be in trouble with new flats next door, we need to make sure that these places stay open so bands can earn their fans by playing live for them.
Gene Simmons says that rock is dead. Discuss.After playing to 80,000 people at download it’s a strange thing to say.
I don’t think rock is dead, every so often someone like a Gene Simmons or Billy Corgan makes these statements, but the album sales, downloads and concert takings for rock is usually top out of all genres year on year along with the success of festivals like download and Foo Fighters UK sell out stadium tour, certainly rock not as dead as people like to make out.
It is less supported by mainstream media in the UK for sure but rock has never really been in the ‘charts’ as such, yet bands spend years, their lives if lucky enough touring which is what rock bands and rock fans associate with, not expensive videos and success in the charts. There will always be rock music and there will always be people wanting to go and see a live rock show.
When it comes to music, you've been doing this for a long time. What advice would you give to people trying to break into the industry?We would probably say don’t let breaking into the industry be your aim. Aim to enjoy it, practice, write songs and play live. It’s ok to be bad at first, keep working at it, you will get better and before you know it you will get that great feeling when a song comes together (the billy tingles!) Enjoy it as much as you can, be with friends each show, travelling to shows etc and strive to be as good as you can.
What's next for you guys? New album? Tour dates? We have just agreed to work with a company that puts shows on over Europe so we are looking to get over to Germany and a few other countries if we can. Plus, keep on working with the U.K based promoters to play shows over here. We are still writing too so have a few new songs that we hope we can make into an album.
We are humbled so far by the people who are listening to us and coming to see the shows so we hope to keep on playing good shows live and building on the start we’ve had.
We have a list of upcoming shows on our website, so if you're near to one come down!
Finally where can we find you, and your music, online?
You can find us on www.beyondthebreak.info www.Facebook.com/beyondthebreak.info Twitter @beyond_thebreakOur music is available from our store on our website, and all the usual online stores as well as Spoitfy and so on.Our video is available on Vevo and Youtube on the following links;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBW5Vvd2b4s http://www.vevo.com/watch/beyond-the-break/The-Way-It-Was/UK7P41400005
Pictures of Losing Sleep is available on 12" vinyl or as a digital download. Get your copy at:
http://store.beyondthebreak.info/
Now there's a new group of Welshmen elbowing their way into the music world. Comprised of seasoned musicians, Beyond The Break have the kind of heavy, grinding sound that fans of hard rock and heavy metal have been searching for for a long time.
~~~
Hi, guys! Please tell us a little about yourselves.Hi! We are Paul Jones (guitars and vocal) Richard Thomas-James (guitars)Chris Francis (bass) andAled Richards (drums)
You formed in early 2015 and you already have an EP out as well as doing as many shows as possible. Your members have played with several household names including 21 Against and Catatonia. How did the band come about?We have all known each other and been different bands for years, gone out, supported each other’s bands, watched each other play live and so on. But with us being in bands there was never an opportunity for us to get together. Kind of like the timing wasn’t right like a relationship I guess. But when it did happen, we knew it was right.
You've got a really great hard rock sound, something that a lot of people seem to be crying out for. Where do you draw your inspiration from? Who are your influences? Do your past bands and endeavours play a part in your music? Or did you want to do something completely new and different?As a group we have bands we all like with wider influences from different places literally from Motown to Megadeth. There has been no conscious effort to be new and different, in all the guises we have been in, rock has been the main style. But with all our different history, which we have definitely learnt and grown from, us coming together now equals the sound we have.
The EP was recorded as live sessions. Do you feel it gives a different dynamic to the finished product as opposed to other recording methods?I think you have to find what suits you. For us, the label and producer recording live was exactly what we all wanted. We like the sound that us four make in a room with amps turned up and that’s what we want to capture. I think we have put that dynamic across.
A lot, not all, but a lot of the modern technology is about perfection and manipulation. That’s not what we are about, we are a rock band, a good rock band and the recording gives an idea of what we are about and what we sound like live as that’s how it was recorded. That’s not to say we wouldn’t record using a different format in the future, but for now, we like this process as the E.P sounds like us, four guys in a room making noise.
There's been a lot of talk about music streaming recently. What are your thoughts on that as well as the current music scene?From a fans point of view, we all listen to music and want it to be as accessible as possible. However, the days when you were paying £15 for an album after queuing up outside a shop have gone, with Spotify for example being free or £10 a month for unlimited amounts of music its obviously meaning artists are getting less money than they were previously.
It has certainly been better for us than I think we anticipated, our Spotify count continues to surprise us, and at this stage right now that exposure can only be a good thing. The challenge for us is to turn those plays into fans who then buy the EP and so on.
I think the most important thing for the UK music scene is we need to do more to protect smaller venues. It is these which provide the platform for us bands to build and grow, many iconic small venues such as TJ’s in Newport have gone, the Fleece in Bristol could be in trouble with new flats next door, we need to make sure that these places stay open so bands can earn their fans by playing live for them.
Gene Simmons says that rock is dead. Discuss.After playing to 80,000 people at download it’s a strange thing to say.
I don’t think rock is dead, every so often someone like a Gene Simmons or Billy Corgan makes these statements, but the album sales, downloads and concert takings for rock is usually top out of all genres year on year along with the success of festivals like download and Foo Fighters UK sell out stadium tour, certainly rock not as dead as people like to make out.
It is less supported by mainstream media in the UK for sure but rock has never really been in the ‘charts’ as such, yet bands spend years, their lives if lucky enough touring which is what rock bands and rock fans associate with, not expensive videos and success in the charts. There will always be rock music and there will always be people wanting to go and see a live rock show.
When it comes to music, you've been doing this for a long time. What advice would you give to people trying to break into the industry?We would probably say don’t let breaking into the industry be your aim. Aim to enjoy it, practice, write songs and play live. It’s ok to be bad at first, keep working at it, you will get better and before you know it you will get that great feeling when a song comes together (the billy tingles!) Enjoy it as much as you can, be with friends each show, travelling to shows etc and strive to be as good as you can.
What's next for you guys? New album? Tour dates? We have just agreed to work with a company that puts shows on over Europe so we are looking to get over to Germany and a few other countries if we can. Plus, keep on working with the U.K based promoters to play shows over here. We are still writing too so have a few new songs that we hope we can make into an album.
We are humbled so far by the people who are listening to us and coming to see the shows so we hope to keep on playing good shows live and building on the start we’ve had.
We have a list of upcoming shows on our website, so if you're near to one come down!
Finally where can we find you, and your music, online?
You can find us on www.beyondthebreak.info www.Facebook.com/beyondthebreak.info Twitter @beyond_thebreakOur music is available from our store on our website, and all the usual online stores as well as Spoitfy and so on.Our video is available on Vevo and Youtube on the following links;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBW5Vvd2b4s http://www.vevo.com/watch/beyond-the-break/The-Way-It-Was/UK7P41400005
Pictures of Losing Sleep is available on 12" vinyl or as a digital download. Get your copy at:
http://store.beyondthebreak.info/
August 21, 2015
When It Becomes Too Much
TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide
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Eight carriages.
One hundred and twenty tons.
20 miles per hour.
It would have been so easy.
One last breath.
One last heartbeat.
Before the void had swallowed me whole.
I'd just read something that had left me debating my future. In a matter of moments, the crushing blackness of depression had changed me from happy-go-lucky to tired and weary, settling over me as quickly as the coming of winter. My heart and soul ached and my eyes stung with tears. Suddenly everything I was working towards felt pointless and I wondered why I was wasting my time.
Standing on the platform at Queensway Station, I realised how easy it would be to just step out into nothing. It would have erased so many problems. The feeling of hopelessness would have been snuffed out in the flash of a Tube train's headlights.
As I waited for those lights to pierce through the darkness, other thoughts began to cross my mind.
The train driver. How will they feel?My family.My friends.The million and one other things I want to do with my life.The things I want to say to people before my time's up.The words people have said to me in recent months.
The tears continued to well up. The pain in my body was all to real, the dulled emotions I was feeling causing me to feel heavy and ill.
I wanted it to end.
I couldn't take it any more.
I'd already suffered for so long, the constant up and down of my moods grinding me down. Life, in that moment, was awful and, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the break I needed. My life was useless and hopeless. Why bother continuing? Why not just end it?
There's the rumble of an oncoming train. The warm rush of air in the tunnel. The bright orbs at the front of the train appear from the darkness.
I take a deep breath and watch as it closes in on the platform. This was it. I could do it. Wipe it out and go somewhere better.
The whoosh of the train racing into the station. The squeal of the brakes. Taking a deep breath, I took a step forward and boarded. A moment later the doors hissed closed behind me. I shut my eyes and leaned against the plastic wall before placing a hand over my heart.
I'm still here. That beating in my chest is the reason I'm here. It wasn't time to go yet.
~~~
If you're affected by anything written in this post, please speak to someone. Please speak to me if you feel comfortable doing so. You can get in touch via Twitter and Facebook or through the Contact tab at the top of the page.
You can also find a list of helplines (sorted by country) on this website.
Look after yourself and don't let anyone dictate to you what your life should be like. It's your life. Live it as you see fit.
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Eight carriages.
One hundred and twenty tons.
20 miles per hour.
It would have been so easy.
One last breath.
One last heartbeat.
Before the void had swallowed me whole.
I'd just read something that had left me debating my future. In a matter of moments, the crushing blackness of depression had changed me from happy-go-lucky to tired and weary, settling over me as quickly as the coming of winter. My heart and soul ached and my eyes stung with tears. Suddenly everything I was working towards felt pointless and I wondered why I was wasting my time.
Standing on the platform at Queensway Station, I realised how easy it would be to just step out into nothing. It would have erased so many problems. The feeling of hopelessness would have been snuffed out in the flash of a Tube train's headlights.
As I waited for those lights to pierce through the darkness, other thoughts began to cross my mind.
The train driver. How will they feel?My family.My friends.The million and one other things I want to do with my life.The things I want to say to people before my time's up.The words people have said to me in recent months.
The tears continued to well up. The pain in my body was all to real, the dulled emotions I was feeling causing me to feel heavy and ill.
I wanted it to end.
I couldn't take it any more.
I'd already suffered for so long, the constant up and down of my moods grinding me down. Life, in that moment, was awful and, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the break I needed. My life was useless and hopeless. Why bother continuing? Why not just end it?
There's the rumble of an oncoming train. The warm rush of air in the tunnel. The bright orbs at the front of the train appear from the darkness.
I take a deep breath and watch as it closes in on the platform. This was it. I could do it. Wipe it out and go somewhere better.
The whoosh of the train racing into the station. The squeal of the brakes. Taking a deep breath, I took a step forward and boarded. A moment later the doors hissed closed behind me. I shut my eyes and leaned against the plastic wall before placing a hand over my heart.
I'm still here. That beating in my chest is the reason I'm here. It wasn't time to go yet.
~~~
If you're affected by anything written in this post, please speak to someone. Please speak to me if you feel comfortable doing so. You can get in touch via Twitter and Facebook or through the Contact tab at the top of the page.
You can also find a list of helplines (sorted by country) on this website.
Look after yourself and don't let anyone dictate to you what your life should be like. It's your life. Live it as you see fit.
August 15, 2015
An Ode To My Family
Families are strange creatures. Some are wonderful. Some are... not so wonderful.
Mine. Mine are wonderful and I know that I'm very blessed. Through the hardships and the occasional disagreements there's light and love. Each of them has their flaws, as they do their strengths. They've been through soul crushing lows and sky-high heights. Even though we sometimes don't want to talk to one another, there's always a connection there.
My mother is one of those women who's steered us through thick and thin. While she still might not understand that headphones mean we're listening to something and therefore can't hear her, she's done everything she can to make us happy. Even in times when we had no money, her love kept us going. She's taught us so much in how to live, guiding us when it's needed and being there when things get tough. No matter where we are in the world, she's made sure there's always a place for us to call “Home”.
Dad is a guy of few words. Unless it's to crack a joke. One of his favourite things is making us laugh. Even now that we're all grown up, he still loves nothing more than seeing us smile. He's taught us to hang pictures, build furniture, drive cars and do a myriad of other things that would otherwise require the skills of someone more professional. He made sure that our sixteenth birthdays heralded the arrival of our adult passports. No longer we were tied to travelling with our parents; he and Mum wanted us to know that the world was our oyster and that we should grab it with both hands.
Finally, there's my two little brothers who've grown into men I'm honoured to know. They make me laugh on a daily basis as well as including me in all that they do. Well accustomed to my mood swings, they'll check several times to make sure I really don't want to go and do something and try to persuade me that going out is for the good of my health. I know that, no matter what, they'll always be there for me just as I'm there for them.
They're my family and, no matter what we go through, I'll always be there for them. Whether your family are blood or one you've built from the friends that surround you, love them. Cherish them. Treasure them.
Mine. Mine are wonderful and I know that I'm very blessed. Through the hardships and the occasional disagreements there's light and love. Each of them has their flaws, as they do their strengths. They've been through soul crushing lows and sky-high heights. Even though we sometimes don't want to talk to one another, there's always a connection there.
My mother is one of those women who's steered us through thick and thin. While she still might not understand that headphones mean we're listening to something and therefore can't hear her, she's done everything she can to make us happy. Even in times when we had no money, her love kept us going. She's taught us so much in how to live, guiding us when it's needed and being there when things get tough. No matter where we are in the world, she's made sure there's always a place for us to call “Home”.
Dad is a guy of few words. Unless it's to crack a joke. One of his favourite things is making us laugh. Even now that we're all grown up, he still loves nothing more than seeing us smile. He's taught us to hang pictures, build furniture, drive cars and do a myriad of other things that would otherwise require the skills of someone more professional. He made sure that our sixteenth birthdays heralded the arrival of our adult passports. No longer we were tied to travelling with our parents; he and Mum wanted us to know that the world was our oyster and that we should grab it with both hands.
Finally, there's my two little brothers who've grown into men I'm honoured to know. They make me laugh on a daily basis as well as including me in all that they do. Well accustomed to my mood swings, they'll check several times to make sure I really don't want to go and do something and try to persuade me that going out is for the good of my health. I know that, no matter what, they'll always be there for me just as I'm there for them.
They're my family and, no matter what we go through, I'll always be there for them. Whether your family are blood or one you've built from the friends that surround you, love them. Cherish them. Treasure them.
August 7, 2015
The Make Up
Last year I had a break up. After a decade long relationship, I decided it was time to move on from my favourite band and find someone else to love. How did it go?
Well...
It started out great! Even before the break up, I had another love lined up. They would become my new favourite band and I'd go to their concerts, buy their CDs, and collect their merch. We'd be happy together as we followed one another around the world. It would be the perfect romance, a blend of life and music.
Only it didn't work out as well as I thought it would. It didn't take long for the cracks to start appearing. I changed to love my new band and tried to fit in with their world.
But, just like my first love, things began to fall apart. We argued over things. I called them “narcissistic”. They told me I needed to “Lighten up”. So I lightened up and began to take their humour in good faith. I began to enjoy who they were. I even began to listen to some of their deep cuts, eagerly laying my hands on the rarities and long lost shows.
Yet, at the same time, I felt that I didn't fit in with them. There was something that wasn't quite... right. It wasn't them and it wasn't me. We just weren't a good team and I didn't feel like I was being true to myself. I'd allowed myself to get wrapped up in their hype. There was no way our relationship was going to work.
So I wandered away, made that call and went back to my ex-favourite band. I feel comfortable with them, accepted even. I feel like I don't have to prove anything to be a part of them. I can just be... me. And that's important.
Sometimes we want to be a part of something. We want to be a part of a group or a gang. We want to feel accepted and loved. Sometimes we even change to fit in with a particular group. We feel that we have to in order to be someone or to be accepted.
But it doesn't have to be that way. The most important thing is you and what you want. And if you have to take time away from something you love in order to find out where you're supposed to be in this world, then that's perfectly fine. You may never find a place where you feel at home. Or you may feel perfectly fine by yourself, drifting along alone. Whatever you choose to do is the right choice for you.
For now, I'm going to have a honeymoon with my first love again. Who knows, it might invite my second love and create a musical threesome. Have a great weekend, y'all!
~~~
Rae is the author of the award winning Veetu Industries series. Her latest book, a Cold War post-apocalyptic thriller titled "A Second Past Midnight", came out in April. When she's not writing, she loves anything to do with music. Obviously. All of her books are available from Torquere Press.
Well...
It started out great! Even before the break up, I had another love lined up. They would become my new favourite band and I'd go to their concerts, buy their CDs, and collect their merch. We'd be happy together as we followed one another around the world. It would be the perfect romance, a blend of life and music.
Only it didn't work out as well as I thought it would. It didn't take long for the cracks to start appearing. I changed to love my new band and tried to fit in with their world.
But, just like my first love, things began to fall apart. We argued over things. I called them “narcissistic”. They told me I needed to “Lighten up”. So I lightened up and began to take their humour in good faith. I began to enjoy who they were. I even began to listen to some of their deep cuts, eagerly laying my hands on the rarities and long lost shows.
Yet, at the same time, I felt that I didn't fit in with them. There was something that wasn't quite... right. It wasn't them and it wasn't me. We just weren't a good team and I didn't feel like I was being true to myself. I'd allowed myself to get wrapped up in their hype. There was no way our relationship was going to work.
So I wandered away, made that call and went back to my ex-favourite band. I feel comfortable with them, accepted even. I feel like I don't have to prove anything to be a part of them. I can just be... me. And that's important.
Sometimes we want to be a part of something. We want to be a part of a group or a gang. We want to feel accepted and loved. Sometimes we even change to fit in with a particular group. We feel that we have to in order to be someone or to be accepted.
But it doesn't have to be that way. The most important thing is you and what you want. And if you have to take time away from something you love in order to find out where you're supposed to be in this world, then that's perfectly fine. You may never find a place where you feel at home. Or you may feel perfectly fine by yourself, drifting along alone. Whatever you choose to do is the right choice for you.
For now, I'm going to have a honeymoon with my first love again. Who knows, it might invite my second love and create a musical threesome. Have a great weekend, y'all!
~~~
Rae is the author of the award winning Veetu Industries series. Her latest book, a Cold War post-apocalyptic thriller titled "A Second Past Midnight", came out in April. When she's not writing, she loves anything to do with music. Obviously. All of her books are available from Torquere Press.
August 1, 2015
Chasing Your Tail
The creative process can be a lot like a dog (or cat if your cat is like that!) chasing its tail. It can seem like fun at the beginning because you're going round and round and getting dizzy but, man, you just can't catch the end of that tail!
Every creative person has been there. You come with an amazing idea and start working on it. Sooner or later, you hit a brick wall. It could be a creative, financial or time related wall. But it happens.
Then the chase begins. Mortality and a feeling of time being lost may rear its ugly head. Another idea relating to your original one may strike. Hopelessness might settle in. You may begin to panic and wonder how you're going to finish it. You stand up and once more try to work on that crazy, brilliant idea you had.
Yet you feel like you're getting nowhere. You feel like you're running in circles while the goal you want to reach stands just mere inches from you. No matter how much you reach or how hard you stretch or how fast you run, you can never reach it. It always, inevitably, seems to stay just out of your grasp.
Finally, you tire and it's in these moments that the best ideas seem to appear. Once you're taking care of yourself you find that the ideas begin to flow. You may find a way to get that financial backing. That niggling plot line may correct itself. Shows may seem to book themselves. But none of it would have been possible without your own hard work.
How do you survive “The Chase”? Learning to look after yourself is one way. Again, that's something that many creative people don't do. We seem to trudge on, fighting through illness and life problems to get to the end product. We grind on until we can't take it any more. Learning to look after yourself is something I'm only just learning to do. If I want to sleep, I sleep. If I want to drink a gallon of tea and eat ALL the biscuits, then I do. I've even learned to say “No”, something I haven't done in a very long time. If I want to write something completely random and off the wall, I do. While I keep my eye on the end product, this is a freeing experience. And a nap in the middle of the day never hurt anyone!
Do something else, anything else. I've got some phone calls to make. But there's an eight hour time difference and waking someone up in the middle of the night just ain't cool. So I've sorted part of my wardrobe, taken a nap, and now I'm writing this.
Create, even if it's not what you want to be working on. Stretching the imagination in another direction can lead it to where you need to be.
Talk. Call a friend and brainstorm with them.
Try, as much as you can (and no matter how frustrating it may be), to enjoy the journey. You'll get there whether it's tomorrow or next year. You can do it!
July 24, 2015
There's No Business Like Show Business
What do you think of when someone says “London's West End”? Do you think of the shopping? The night life? The museums?
Or, do those three words conquer up images of bright lights, grease paint and old theatres?
The West End plays host to nearly fifty theatres, with names like the Adelphi, the Vaudeville, and the Lyceum to pique the imagination. Tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of people have walked the boards of some of these historic buildings and it would take several lifetimes to work through all the different productions.
There's a magic to this part of London, one that I've never experienced in any other theatre district. The draw of the lights and the sound of the music coupled with elegant old buildings and beautiful costumes have left a mark on the city. And while the shows may have changed from Vaudeville to musicals there are some things that have stayed the same.
One of those is the musical side of the shows and it's something that London does well. Recent years have seen a rise in musicals about... musicians. From Queen's “We Will Rock You” to Carole King's “Beautiful” to the Beatles “Let It Be”. They're shows that we revel in, lapping them up, singing along and, ultimately, lining up for repeat shows. “We Will Rock You” opened in London in 2002 and ran up until 2014. It's played in nearly twenty countries, including a year long run at the Paris Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas and a current tour on board the Royal Caribbean cruise ship, Anthem of the Seas.
So why have we fallen in love with musicals about musicians? For me, it's a mix of nostalgia and the love of music. I wasn't born when Beatlemania swept the world. I was too young to remember when Queen took over the Live Aid stage. Carole King, thankfully, has a much more prominent place in my memories thanks to my parents love of her “Tapestries” album (as do both the Beatles and Queen. Both bands were played to us extensively when we were young and my brothers and myself have a love for them.).
For people of my generation, and younger, the shows are a chance to see the bands our parents grew up to. It's a moment when we can see the songs performed by a live band (albeit not theband) and sing along. Normally in the company of our parents. It's a chance for us to bond and talk and find a common thread in a life that can be so fractured and lonely. The music brings us together and helps us find a language that we all speak.
There needs to be more of these musicals about musicians. We love them. We love the artistry and the performances. We love the stories they tell and we love to sing along with songs that we thought had been forgotten. It's good for the heart, it's good for the soul, and it's good for the world.
July 21, 2015
Mordark - Spain's Dark Metal Secret
One of the things I love about being a writer is that I get to meet some truly wonderful people. Whether it's on the bus or via social media, the friendships that have been formed are ones that going to last a long time. And one of the common bonding subjects is music.
The members of Mordark are one such group of friends. They've recently put out a new CD and they're one of the hardest working metal bands I've ever met. They took time out from their busy schduele to drop by and answer some questions.
Hi, guys! Please introduce yourselves.Hi, I'm founder guitarrist of the band. I'm at the voices too, by now.Hello, Im Raul González, vocals and bassist of the band.Hi, I'm Dyna, I'm the drummer.Hi, I’m Sandy and I play keyboard.
Your band is Mördark. How long have you been playing together and where did you form?
Henryk: as a guitarist and creator of my own band I've been for fifteen years in the band, Dyna is here since 2007, and Raul is here since 2012.
Describe your music to us in five words.
Beasts, madness, blood, darkness, and paganism.
Where does the name Mördark come from and what does it mean?
Mördark name come from a legend created by me (Henryk), Mördark was an ancient warrior who was betrayed, in middle age, dark age. He came from the other side searching a revenge.
You have a really great classic metal sound to your music. Who, or what, inspires you? Where do you draw the inspiration for your songs from?
Wow! Thank you, Rae! Well, we find inspiration in old black metal school, power metal, thrash metal, and old legends came from ancient people from Europe.
What do you think of the metal scene at the moment?
Dyna: well, new rising of pagan metal and extreme metal, it’s awesome, is nice to hear songs about Viking gods, but much of new bands don’t have any personality. Same riffs all the time, and, no guitar solo? No way.
Raul: I think they have potential but they don’t have that essence from 80`s or 90's, they try to get it but they don’t have an own personality, as Dyna said.
Henryk: actually, there are very good new bands, but most of new bands repeating same, kids of today don’t know to listen to music, you only have to switch on the TV and you will know what I mean.
Sandy: I dunno, I guess there are lots of promising new bands coming out but not really any Metallicas or Iron Maidens. Maybe it’s because metal is quite old now (about 45 years?). I guess it’ll never be big again like it was in the 70s and 80s but it’s important for new bands to form and up and coming bands to keep trying. New bands are always good.
How do you find the reception to Mördark in your home country? Is there a lot of interest in you? What's the Spanish metal scene like?
Well, I have to speak truth, I have to say we don’t have any support. All is “we don’t like black” or“your band sounds poorly” well, we don’t have money to go to a studio, we make all that we can, if they don’t appreciate our band, also, we'll have to give to other people like you to enjoy. Very few people in Spain helped us, we want to thanks to them the only support we have in our country.
Who would be your perfect line up be?
Well, our formation is perfect now, but we need another guitarist. Someone like, but Abbath from Immortal would be awesome!
A lot of people are interested in the instruments you use as well as the recording process. Where did you record your current album and who mixed it? What gear do you use?
Well, we recorded the album at home, with our pc, our gear is a Jackson Kelly guitar, a Daytona bass with double pickups, a Marshall 100watts guitar amps, a single drum set, a Mustaine Zoom pedal, a distortion pedal for guitar, and the software, Adobe Audition, VST plug-in as amplitube metal, ampeg, VST powerdrumkit, that last its free, and amazing. Oh, and keyboards, Sandy used her keyboard.
Where can we find you, and your music, online?
You guys can find us in youtube, in this link https://www.youtube.com/user/mordarkceuta is our channel! And on www.mordark.jimdo.com . Find us on facebook, too.
Finally, do you have anything to say to anyone who wants to break into the music industry?
Patience, don’t give up, and have a good time, enjoy the music, guys!
The members of Mordark are one such group of friends. They've recently put out a new CD and they're one of the hardest working metal bands I've ever met. They took time out from their busy schduele to drop by and answer some questions.
Hi, guys! Please introduce yourselves.Hi, I'm founder guitarrist of the band. I'm at the voices too, by now.Hello, Im Raul González, vocals and bassist of the band.Hi, I'm Dyna, I'm the drummer.Hi, I’m Sandy and I play keyboard.
Your band is Mördark. How long have you been playing together and where did you form?
Henryk: as a guitarist and creator of my own band I've been for fifteen years in the band, Dyna is here since 2007, and Raul is here since 2012.
Describe your music to us in five words.
Beasts, madness, blood, darkness, and paganism.
Where does the name Mördark come from and what does it mean?
Mördark name come from a legend created by me (Henryk), Mördark was an ancient warrior who was betrayed, in middle age, dark age. He came from the other side searching a revenge.
You have a really great classic metal sound to your music. Who, or what, inspires you? Where do you draw the inspiration for your songs from?
Wow! Thank you, Rae! Well, we find inspiration in old black metal school, power metal, thrash metal, and old legends came from ancient people from Europe.
What do you think of the metal scene at the moment?
Dyna: well, new rising of pagan metal and extreme metal, it’s awesome, is nice to hear songs about Viking gods, but much of new bands don’t have any personality. Same riffs all the time, and, no guitar solo? No way.
Raul: I think they have potential but they don’t have that essence from 80`s or 90's, they try to get it but they don’t have an own personality, as Dyna said.
Henryk: actually, there are very good new bands, but most of new bands repeating same, kids of today don’t know to listen to music, you only have to switch on the TV and you will know what I mean.
Sandy: I dunno, I guess there are lots of promising new bands coming out but not really any Metallicas or Iron Maidens. Maybe it’s because metal is quite old now (about 45 years?). I guess it’ll never be big again like it was in the 70s and 80s but it’s important for new bands to form and up and coming bands to keep trying. New bands are always good.
How do you find the reception to Mördark in your home country? Is there a lot of interest in you? What's the Spanish metal scene like?
Well, I have to speak truth, I have to say we don’t have any support. All is “we don’t like black” or“your band sounds poorly” well, we don’t have money to go to a studio, we make all that we can, if they don’t appreciate our band, also, we'll have to give to other people like you to enjoy. Very few people in Spain helped us, we want to thanks to them the only support we have in our country.
Who would be your perfect line up be?
Well, our formation is perfect now, but we need another guitarist. Someone like, but Abbath from Immortal would be awesome!
A lot of people are interested in the instruments you use as well as the recording process. Where did you record your current album and who mixed it? What gear do you use?
Well, we recorded the album at home, with our pc, our gear is a Jackson Kelly guitar, a Daytona bass with double pickups, a Marshall 100watts guitar amps, a single drum set, a Mustaine Zoom pedal, a distortion pedal for guitar, and the software, Adobe Audition, VST plug-in as amplitube metal, ampeg, VST powerdrumkit, that last its free, and amazing. Oh, and keyboards, Sandy used her keyboard.
Where can we find you, and your music, online?
You guys can find us in youtube, in this link https://www.youtube.com/user/mordarkceuta is our channel! And on www.mordark.jimdo.com . Find us on facebook, too.
Finally, do you have anything to say to anyone who wants to break into the music industry?
Patience, don’t give up, and have a good time, enjoy the music, guys!
July 19, 2015
When The Candle Burns Out
Your skin feels as though it's been sliced open and salt poured into the wounds. You alternate between wanting to sleep and being wide awake. You wake up at 5am but want to go back to bed at 10am. Your stomach can't hold anything. You feel... hopeless, a failure, a person who's not fit for the world.
Yet this is the reality for some people who suffer from mental health issues. I refuse to call it a “problem” because I don't let it stand in the way. For me, it's another mountain to conquer. It doesn't define me, nor will I let its label be the one thing people know me by. I'm a daughter, sister, friend, author, photographer, impromptu comedian and sometimes poker dealer (For the record, I deal blackjack better than I do poker). At the moment I'm also having a love affair with my bed (some things never change!).
But I'm still learning to live in this brand new body. My energy levels are still all over the charts, as is my concentration. I can go for weeks without having a problem before having a run of bad days. And it's learning how to deal with those bad days that's the hard part.
When the sickness began to rise a couple of weeks ago, I put it down to the heat and the high humidity. It was the same with the almost constant exhaustion and need to sleep. Ditto with the refusal to eat and drink. And then when I did get to bed, I couldn't sleep. Too hot to do anything.
Then I began noticing other things. I couldn't settle in to any one task. Work of any kind was becoming an impossibility. I'd get up to fetch something only to get halfway across the room and forget what I'd gone for. The sheer frustration was making me cry.
Slowly it dawned on me. What I was feeling wasn't a direct result of the weather (although some of it was. I'm not great with British summers. Other summers, yeah, bring it on. But British summers with their unpredictable weather and high pollen counts can be a nightmare). What I'd most likely done was use one little word way too often.
“Yes.”
I'd say “yes” to this project and “yes” to that project. I'd said “yes” to one idea and “yes” to another. In amid it all I'd forgotten that I now need to regulate myself. Suddenly I couldn't burn the candle at both ends and run at a million miles an hour. Suddenly I needed to take time out and relax. I was horrified. But I know that I have to do it in order to build up the strength for some of the projects I want to work on. Even if it's napping on the sofa with the cat, I have to stop and listen to my own body because, if I don't, then I'll be right back to square one. And that's a frightening prospect.
One day I know I'll be able to run at a million miles an hour. One day I know I'll be able to light the candle at both ends. But first I've got to learn how to do it again.
Yet this is the reality for some people who suffer from mental health issues. I refuse to call it a “problem” because I don't let it stand in the way. For me, it's another mountain to conquer. It doesn't define me, nor will I let its label be the one thing people know me by. I'm a daughter, sister, friend, author, photographer, impromptu comedian and sometimes poker dealer (For the record, I deal blackjack better than I do poker). At the moment I'm also having a love affair with my bed (some things never change!).
But I'm still learning to live in this brand new body. My energy levels are still all over the charts, as is my concentration. I can go for weeks without having a problem before having a run of bad days. And it's learning how to deal with those bad days that's the hard part.
When the sickness began to rise a couple of weeks ago, I put it down to the heat and the high humidity. It was the same with the almost constant exhaustion and need to sleep. Ditto with the refusal to eat and drink. And then when I did get to bed, I couldn't sleep. Too hot to do anything.
Then I began noticing other things. I couldn't settle in to any one task. Work of any kind was becoming an impossibility. I'd get up to fetch something only to get halfway across the room and forget what I'd gone for. The sheer frustration was making me cry.
Slowly it dawned on me. What I was feeling wasn't a direct result of the weather (although some of it was. I'm not great with British summers. Other summers, yeah, bring it on. But British summers with their unpredictable weather and high pollen counts can be a nightmare). What I'd most likely done was use one little word way too often.
“Yes.”
I'd say “yes” to this project and “yes” to that project. I'd said “yes” to one idea and “yes” to another. In amid it all I'd forgotten that I now need to regulate myself. Suddenly I couldn't burn the candle at both ends and run at a million miles an hour. Suddenly I needed to take time out and relax. I was horrified. But I know that I have to do it in order to build up the strength for some of the projects I want to work on. Even if it's napping on the sofa with the cat, I have to stop and listen to my own body because, if I don't, then I'll be right back to square one. And that's a frightening prospect.
One day I know I'll be able to run at a million miles an hour. One day I know I'll be able to light the candle at both ends. But first I've got to learn how to do it again.
