Arlene Lagos's Blog, page 16

Maurice Sendak RIP

“I think it is unnatural to think that there is such a thing as a blue-sky, white-clouded happy childhood for anybody. Childhood is a very, very tricky business of surviving it. Because if one thing goes wrong or anything goes wrong, and usually something goes wrong, then you are compromised as a human being. You’re going to trip over that for a good part of your life.”

― Maurice Sendak Author of several books including:

The Waiting Place

In the famous children’s book “Oh! The Places You’ll Go!” by Dr. Seuss there’s a section of the book that he calls the waiting place. We’ve all been there. Waiting to be next in line at the grocery store or waiting for traffic to move so we can get home. Or perhaps we are waiting for a check in the mail, or to hear back from a job interview. We often squander our time during this waiting period as if it doesn’t matter. As if this chunk of time is useless space being taken up between two real events. Something happens and then we wait….and then something else happens.

Personally, I think the greatest stuff happens during the waiting period. This is the time when we have our best thoughts, our best ideas. The time we need to reflect on past achievements or future endeavors. The time we remember to call an old friend, catch up on a good book or remember to do something we had forgotten to do. So many great things happen during that time where we feel life is stagnant. So don’t waste that time. Every moment in your life occurs for a reason; so if you are waiting for something to come, stop! You are in that stagnant period of your life for a reason. Perhaps you will have an epiphany because you have slowed yourself down just long enough to think.

In the words of Aerosmith, “Life’s a journey not a destination”.  Enjoy the entire journey, not just the parts where there are fireworks and marching bands. Enjoy the slow and steady, it’s there for a reason.

*Picture courtesy of Dr. Seuss

Puzzle Piece

Everyone, at one time or another thinks to themselves, “I don’t belong”. It is a natural fear that occurs when you feel off your game or you feel as though everyone else, “gets it” but you. Even the ones that always seem to “get it” feel lost in the shuffle some days.

To me, life is one enormous puzzle. Some of us like to be in the middle of everything surrounded by everything and everyone because it makes us feel less alone. Some of us like to stay out on the edge of life with minimal contact so that we don’t feel as overwhelmed or under a microscope.

Wherever your comfort zone may be, you are still a part of the puzzle. We can’t survive without you. We need you to help us keep the rhythm of the universe. You don’t have to be a famous celebrity or billionaire to be a part of the bigger picture. We are all connected and your puzzle piece is just as important as anyone elses.

Remember that during those days were you might feel small or insignificant.

Without you, we are not whole.

Treading Water

Have you ever felt like were stuck in the middle of the ocean treading water, looking around for a land worthy of swimming too? I felt like that for years. YEARS. I would leave the middle and take a risk towards a shore that seemed to offer a promising direction for me, only to find out that the land was barren; or full of pirates, traders and undesirables. Some places gave me inspiration but lacked direction. Some places pointed me into a million directions but there was no inspiration. So, I’d wade myself back into the water and begin to tread again until I got the strength back to swim to another shore.

This is what it feels like when you are lost and unaware of your purpose in life. I think a lot of people feel this way and it goes back to what I wrote about before regarding finding your inner voice. We don’t know who we are or what we are, so we listen to others for advice on what to do. “You should be a therapist”, “You should go to real estate school”, “sales is a rewarding career”, “have you ever tried nursing,  you are so good with people”.

What I’ve learned over the years is simple. Just because you are good at something doesn’t mean you should do it. I’d probably be a great politician, it doesn’t mean its my calling. We get so caught up in what we CAN do, that we lose sight of what we SHOULD do or even more, what we ARE HERE TO DO. I believe everyone knows what they want to do and are here to do but are afraid to admit it to themselves or to others for fear of being judged.

I don’t need to know what color my parachute is. I am aware what I can do. What I’d like to know is the color of my soul. The color of my heart. I truly believe that EVERYONE has a purpose. Even someone awful, mean and cruel has a purpose for being here even if there only purpose is to serve as a warning to others.

Stop treading water and swim to the shore that calls to your heart. I did and after all these years, I have finally caught my breath.

Your Inner Voice

For the first 36 years of my life I had been competing with outside voices telling me who I am, what I am, and what I will do with my life. It starts with parents, then siblings, friends, teachers, bosses and before you know it, you have lost yourself in the shuffle.

For the last year I have finally started to listen to myself. My inner voice had been quieted by the dreams other people had for me. I woke up one day and thought to myself, “I don’t remember dreaming about working in a cubicle in a building with bad lighting?”

Nobody grows up and dreams about being a salesperson or a truck driver. We grow up wanting to be artists, doctors, superhero’s and ballerina’s. Somewhere along the way our voices our silenced, why?

I’ve been a writer since I was old enough to hold a pen. I’d leave scrap paper with scribbled thoughts all over the house. I typed up poems on typewriters, and printed out short stories on computers back when all we had for programs was Dos 2.0 and the paper would get stuck and you’d have to crank it to get it out. I took creative writing in college, wrote plays, screenplays, musicals and even published a poem in the National Library of Poetry’s Anthology, River of Dreams.

Yet, this is the first year of my life that I’ve ever considered myself a true writer. I think my inner voice fell silent on my own ears. I’ve spent so much time believing what others thought I should be, or what I believed to be the more responsible avenue, that I ignored my calling.

Today I take my voice back. I am a writer.  I don’t care that I’m not a best-selling author. Maybe I will be one day, maybe I won’t. Either way, it doesn’t define me. I define me. I don’t care if I’m not a millionaire or that I don’t have a 401k. I will survive, I will find a way and I will do it as a writer and nothing else.

Intuition vs. Psychic Ability

Where does intuition end and psychic ability begin?

I walked into a deli one day when living in Manhattan and felt like I was going to throw up. I immediately left. My roommate told me two days later that the place was held up at gunpoint mere hours later.

Have you ever walked into a room and felt that someone in that room was giving off negative energy? Or visited someplace with a friend and knew instantly that it might have been a bad idea?

When does your intuition become a psychic ability?  Here’s the scariest scenario I’ve ever experienced (I have many witnesses to attest that this in fact happened.)

When I was a teenager I went to a friend’s house party for Halloween. My three girlfriends and I arrived early around 6pm. On the way there, we got pulled over by a police officer. He said we were going a little fast and to take it slow. He said, “I’m giving you a warning”. Something about the way he said it gave me a chill. As if he was WARNING me not to go where I was going. Of course, he couldn’t have possibly known where we were going because the party was a few towns away so I shrugged it off and drove to the party.

A few hours into the party everything is going great, people are showing up, the beer is flowing and everyone is happy. Except that for some reason I am staring out the window and everything around me starts moving in slow motion. I feel this shiver up my spine and my heart starts racing. Then everything goes quiet and without any words, something tells me “GET.OUT.NOW”  The minutes following that moment, were frantic. I was a lunatic running from friend to friend begging and pleading them to get in the car, telling them we had to leave.

They were stupefied. It was Saturday. It was 8:15pm. We were at the greatest party. “What is wrong with you?” they kept asking. I wondered too, but I didn’t hesitate. Everything in my being said GET.OUT.NOW. One friend refused to leave and I literally physically forced her into the car. She was furious. As we pulled out of the street at 8:22pm I was bombarded with profanities and yelling from three very unhappy partygoers. They didn’t understand, hell, I didn’t understand. But I knew that the minute we turned off that street and onto the highway, my feeling left me.

I dropped off my unhappy passengers and went home to bed, crying my eyes out and wondering if perhaps my mind had finally tipped. The next morning I awoke to my mother asking me to come downstairs and telling me the phone had been ringing off the hook all morning. One of my friends came by with flowers. Several had called. The television was on and the news report was a breaking story that read something like this, “Shots rang out at 8:35 on XYZ street last night in XXX Town, leaving two men shot and in critical condition”. That was the party we were at. Shots rang out at 8:35. We left at 8:22pm. The two men shot were standing next to my friends. THey were talking with them before they left.

As I watched the news story, I knew right away that the feeling I had was tied directly too it. I never knew what was going to happen or when or to who, just that we weren’t suppose to be there. So I ask you again, intuition or psychic ability? Please comment or share your own stories, I’d love to hear them.

Ardor:Love

An Excerpt From “Ardor: Love” book #2 of the Beyond Earth Series

coming soon to a book shelf near you…

I got into bed and pulled the covers up over my head as if to hide from the

world for just a moment. I tried so hard to go to sleep but it was

impossible. I kept thinking about him on the couch downstairs. Nothing

but some wood floor beams between me and a man I had just spent the last

few months with on the most intimate journey of my life.

Now I am here, a few feet above him. I couldn’t breathe. He was so close, just a

staircase away from me. I stared at the ceiling and counted back from a hundred in

hopes of calming my desire to talk to him but it was too much to bear. I

slowly walked down the steps and into the living room. I looked over

carefully just to catch a glimpse, but what I found was him standing next

to the bed staring back at me.

Red of Destiny

Red of Destiny

I can hear you calling me

thine ears bleed red of destiny

pounding grows with breathes I take

drowning in a conscious lake

Unfolding fast, I dare not ask

as to why the Devil tempts me so

let it go, or let it grow

who’s to know

 the seeds I’ll sow

Validate Me!

WHY DO WE CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK OF US?

Maybe you think that winning the lottery and having tons of money will prove your worth? Or perhaps becoming a big business executive with a flashy suit and a corner office with a view of the city will do the trick. Will that finally show them? Show them all that you’re better? That you’re not average like the rest of us?

Maybe someone will take a picture of you and post it all over the internet like “Ridiculously Photogenic Guy” and you’ll become famous just because of your beautiful face! They won’t be laughing then.

Maybe if you cut your hair like that girl from that movie and you color it like that other girl; maybe if you buy those jeans and drive that car and live in that house you will finally be seen for who you really are!

I know, you should invest in that expensive make-up that will make you look years younger! Buy those shoes that what’s-her-face has and then go out on the town and let everyone see how fabulous you are! Then you can post pics of that new fabulous you all over facebook. Then surely everyone will know how wonderful you really are and you’ll get 100′s of likes on your facebook page!

But then, why do you care? Do you want a pat on the back? An award? Your picture on the front page of the New York Times with a four page story outlining why everyone should know and love you?

Why do we work so hard to feel validated by people we don’t even know? Stop looking outside of yourself for proof that you are awesome. If you are reading this right now, let me save you the anguish of breaking your back trying to impress the world. YOU ARE AWESOME. WHY? BECAUSE. JUST BECAUSE.

Stop trying so hard to entertain the world; do what makes YOU happy. If you are doing something, anything that doesn’t involve your own personal happiness, then you should evaluate why you are doing it at all.

Now take a deep breath and relax. There is a plan for you. Stop trying to force it. It will come when its time. In the meantime, consider yourself validated just for being you.

Blink Once

Blink Once

Into you I glare with eyes wide open

Colors fade and shadows fall behind

Weathered and aged passed expiration

Hope flickers but pain remains, resting behind tired eyes

 

Blink once, then twice, then close them hard

Avoiding truth- a reality that has seen better days

Recalling what was once a flower in bloom

Now in its place a wilted weed

 

Into you I glare with eyes half open

Color has gone, shadows fall behind

Who are you looking back at me?

With sad eyes and haunting past

I do not recognize you

 

Blink once, then rub the eyes

In hopes the illusion will fade

Leaving the wilted weed behind

Showing only the once young flower within

 

Into you I glare with determination

Colors? This time a rainbow shines behind

Not weathered, dignified. Not wilted, just at rest

Still blooming inside, I have not died, just changed my form

I see you glaring back at me what once was there for all to see

I’ve been with you through it all you see, for you are me.