Lea Barrymire's Blog, page 25

Dear Vile: Aftercare (BDSM)

Aftercare (BDSM)From: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This article is about the sexual practice. For other uses, see Aftercare (disambiguation).

In the context of the sexual practice of BDSM, aftercare is the process of attending to one another after intense feelings of a physical or psychological nature relating to BDSM activities. BDSM experiences can be exhausting; and drain the participants of mental, emotional or physical energy. As a result, one or all participants may require emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness. Along with this, he or she may experience everything from an exhilaration to traumatization. Aftercare also may include a review or “debriefing” of the activities from experiences of both the dominant and the submissive.
Some participants may wish to be left alone or have other means of processing the experience. While the desire to be left alone could stem from just needing rest, it could also result from no longer feeling safe in the current environment or situation.
Common aftercare practices may include hugging, kissing, hair-stroking, cuddling, words of praise or gratitude, or general affirmation of an emotional bond between partners. Occasionally, more "vanilla" sexual activities such as intercourse or oral sex following an intense scene may also be considered as part of aftercare.
It is often thought in a submission/dominant relationship, only the submissive requires aftercare following BDSM activities. However, a dominant may require less, just as much, or more aftercare depending on the scene, person, experience level, and other factors. The role of submissive or dominant is unrelated to the amount of aftercare someone needs and should not be thought of as a metric in this regard.
In long distance relationships, a potentially useful practice when engaged in remote BDSM activities is to facilitate aftercare by the exchange of emotionally significant items which can be clung to for reassurance, though success of this depends on both parties' level of emotional investment in the relationship.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If you sat down and wrote a list about your needs while in a M's or D's relationship aftercare should be the first thing. It'd better be at number one, not two or three or five or six, number one. Here in a few I will explain my proactive aftercare.

You start playing or maybe you call it a session, maybe your submissive or slave is into hard impact play. Maybe you the Dom enjoys getting rough, but the submissive is really not into the rough play but goes along with to please. If your anything like me my play time can last for an hour or more. 

During this time the sub is giving all they have, physically, mentally, and emotionally. We take what is giving and then more. We want satisfaction out of our play time. Sometimes we go as far as pushing limits, just to see how far we can take our property. If we have pushed or maxed a limit we the Dominant gains a high, a rush, the adrenaline starts to flow. I have gotten so excited I have had to take a break so I could gather my thoughts, catch my breath, and the submissive is just laying there waiting not knowing what is on the Dominants mind, or how much longer the session is going to go on for. 

After play this is when the first of aftercare kicks in. Communication should be first, asking and digging for questions. We want to know where the submissive is at right now, what their thoughts are, how they are feeling. Talk about any limits that were pushed.  This is very important. We need to know if we pushed to far, what if the submissive did not like something it should be talked about, maybe there is another avenue we can take to make that part of the session different.  Many will play and give even if they are getting nothing out of it, this is done just to please. 

We should hold and cuddle while in the aftercare mode. We should praise and speak very highly of the submissive's actions. Make sure to cover every part of the scene, being sure to not miss anything.

Okay I am guilty of not going into the full aftercare mode at times, but when it does come to aftercare I am proactive. 

Proactive aftercare consists of constant praising, when something is done comment about it.  The idea is to build up, make one feel confident. We want to build up their self esteem if needed and in most cases it is needed. This is what I mean by being proactive.

If aftercare is not performed sub drop occurs and despite what most think I do believe sub drop can be prevented with the practice of aftercare. Sub drop occurs mostly when the two do not live together or the submissive is left alone.

The proper aftercare is very important and will vary from submissive to submissive. Some, after play want to be left alone for a period of time, giving them time to gather their thoughts and feelings, while some do not want any aftercare at all. 

You the submissive, if you feel this area is being neglected speak up, you have this right to insure you are being taking care of, you have the right to express your needs.

I am telling you from experience, if aftercare is giving and the proper amount, what use to be limits will soon start to fade away, what use to be inhibitions will soon begin to fade away. The more we as Dominants care and we show we care the more the submissive will want to give. 

Aftercare is a must.

What would you like Vile to chat about?If you have a question, a topic or just something you'd like to chat about leave a comment, message Vile on FB or email him. You can now leave anonymous comments below. 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vile62Email: viledesires62 (at) aol (dot) com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~More from Vile:You can find Vile at his own blog, which ALWAYS has great information and insight into his life http://thekinkyworldofvile.wordpress.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note from Lea:

Please know that I will be monitoring the comments and will not tolerate belligerence in any form. Vile is a guest and no matter if you agree with his thoughts or not you will not attack him. Healthy discussion is absolutely permitted and encouraged.

Not everyone has to like someone's kink, but they do have to accept it's validity.

Ask questions, pose problems, whatever you'd like!

RELEASE DAY: Touching Chopper: Fated Mates, Inc. Series

Story 3 in the Fated Mates, Inc. SeriesTouching Chopper
Chad 'Chopper' Deiter walks into Samantha's physical therapy office and she can't help but trip over her own feet and tongue each time she sees him. All that leather and denim sets her heart racing. When Sam shows up for her first Fated Mates date and Chopper rolls in on his motorcycle she nearly faints. What's she supposed to do? Blow off her dating service setup or the man she's been eyeing?


Excerpt:
Sam steeled her nerves, knowing she’d end up stumbling over her tongue if it was Chopper who’d just come wandering into the office. She knew by the deep-voiced humming echoing through the waiting room that it was indeed the biker. She watched Becky grin and then wink before heading out the doorway. Sam tried to stop her friend. The impish gleam in her eye let Sam know Beck was going to do something to embarrass her.“Chopper. Dude. You’re looking ripped. We were just talking about you.”“Oh. We who?” Deep, sensual and gritty. His voice dripped with southern charm and a touch of bad-boy attitude.Becky continued and Sam could tell she hadn’t gone too far from the door. “Samantha and I.”His heavy riding boots made a distinctive noise as he strode across the room and came ever closer to the office.Sam looked around for something to keep her eyes focused on. Papers? No, that wouldn’t work. She didn’t want to seem rude by not making eye contact, but his eyes were always so intense. They held her captive each time she spoke to him.“Hey, darlin’.”God, his voice made her melt. She peeked up and felt the creeping heat along her cheeks. Fuck. She couldn’t even look at him without blushing. It was good that she had naturally darker skin and for once she’d worn her hair down. At least the curtain of brown locks gave her something to hide behind.

AmazonKOBOAll Romance eBooksSmashwords

Author Spotlight- Amy Ruttan - Safe in His Hands

Bio:
Born and raised on the outskirts of Toronto, Ontario Amy fled the big city to settle down with the country boy of her dreams. When she's not furiously typing away at her computer, she's a mom to three wonderful children, who have given her another job as a taxi driver.
A voracious reader, she was given her first romance novel by her grandmother who shared her penchant for a hot romance. From that moment, Amy was hooked by the magical worlds, handsome heroes and sigh worthy romances contained in the pages and she knew what she wanted to be when she grew up.
Life got in the way, and after the birth of her second child, she decided to pursue her dream of becoming a romance author.
Amy loves to hear from readers. It makes her day, in fact. You can find out more about Amy at:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amy.ruttan.3
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/ruttanamy
Website: http://www.amyruttan.com
Blog: http://amyruttan.blogspot.com


Blurb:
Dare she place her heart in his care?
Dr. Charlotte James will do anything to save her best friend's unborn baby--even turn to her ex-fiancé, Dr. Quinn Devlyn! Their relationship ended badly after the loss of their own little miracle, and while Charlotte trusts the hotshot neonatal surgeon's amazing ability, she doesn't trust the man who buries his emotions in work....
A career-threatening injury has left Quinn at a crossroads in his life. But, working with Charlotte again in the snowbound beauty of her isolated community practice, he realizes he's been given a second chance to prove that both the baby and Charlotte's fragile heart will be safe in his hands....


Buy link: 

Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/Safe-in-His-Hands-ebook/dp/B00BZPLHAQ

EHarlequin: http://ebooks.harlequin.com/A3B0FC60-8F2B-4962-A508-CFCD41119844/10/141/en/ContentDetails.htm?ID=FA565CB7-19BB-4288-A532-FDD9AEDC6FA2

Mills & Boon UK: http://www.millsandboon.co.uk/books/medical/safe-in-his-hands.htm

Excerpts: 
Damn. What've I done?

Dr. Charlotte James had been watching the arrivals board in the Iqaluit airport for some time. She was so focused on arrivals she didn't even notice the people coming and going around her. A watched pot never boiled, or so the old saying went, but she couldn't help it. This was probably the longest she'd ever stood still. In her job there was no time to stand still. In fact, she hated it. She could be doing so many other things. Filing, for instance.

Not that she particularly liked filing. She preferred her organized chaos. However, there were a ton of files on her desk, and Rosie had been pestering her for a week to put them away. Instead, she was waiting here for his flight to arrive.

"Flight 207 from Ottawa now arriving at gate three."

The past, when it came to Dr. Quinn Devlyn, was where it needed to be: firmly locked away. She'd moved on and she had no doubt his life had, too.

He was, after all, at the top in his chosen specialty, and she was right where she'd always wanted to be.

This time Quinn Devlyn wouldn't blindside her or suck her into some crazy off-kilter distracting, albeit passionate, love affair.

No, siree.

Her life was good. Not perfect but, then, whose was? Charlotte was happy. Courage.

She spun around and saw the plane taxi in on the small airstrip, blending in with the stark, white landscape of Canada's High Arctic. The only color out there was the brightly painted houses that dotted the landscape. Her pulse thundered between her ears.

He's here.

The pit of Charlotte's stomach dropped to her knees. No. Scratch that. Make it the soles of her feet. Not since her MCATs had she felt this way, as though she was perpetually on the verge of hurling.

She was seriously beginning to doubt her sanity in bringing her ex-fiance up to Cape Recluse. It wasn't a place where she could avoid him easily. He'd be constantly underfoot and she was dreading every moment of it. Would she be able to resist him? The only time she had resisted him had been when he'd left. When their relationship had ended, she'd never wanted to see him again, but his presence here now was a price she was willing to pay to help out her friend. Get a grip on yourself.

A blast of cold air shook her from her reverie. Her gaze focused on the tinted windows, watching the passengers head across the tarmac to the warmth of the bright yellow airport building. Immediately she picked Quinn's form out of the group of passengers.

Tall and broad, even though he was huddled down under his collar against the cold. Just the sight of him made her heart beat a little bit faster, her cheeks heat and the butterflies in her stomach go crazy. Her pulse thundered between her ears like a marching band. She hadn't seen him in five years--not since he'd walked out on her--but he was making her feel like a giddy teenager again.

Don't let him affect you like this, Charlotte chastised herself. She'd moved on with her life. The wound he'd left in her heart had finally healed.

The double doors opened and he stepped into the airport, moving to the side to let more people in from the frigid cold. He set down his luggage and unwound his scarf.

Damn, he still looks as good as ever. Charlotte had been kind of hoping Quinn's fast, career-driven lifestyle would've caught up with and aged him, but he looked as sexy and charming as ever.

Even from a few feet away she could see there was a bit of gray around his sandy-brown temples, but it suited him. Made him look more dashing and debonair.


Tour long Giveaway:  $20 Amazon Gift Card & signed paperback copy ‘Safe in His Hands’

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Dear Vile: Subspace

I asked Vile to chat about what subspace really is... 

Subspace: Definition on WordIQ.com The psychological state of the submissive partner in a BDSM scene is sometimes described as subspace or sub space.
The term is unrelated to the mathematical term subspace.
Subspace is a metaphor for the state the submissive's minds and bodies are in during a deeply involving play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses such as extended adrenaline surges that can cause exhaustion. The mental aspect of BDSM also causes many submissives to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience.
Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence.
Many submissives require aftercare.


Have you ever been high, I am not talking about getting drunk. The word high, the numbing feeling, you were there but you were not there.

Sub-space is reached at times during heavy play, long or intense sessions. Submissives or slaves are able to reach sub-space at times if they are with a partner they trust. Even with trust, though, sub-space is not obtainable every time.

Play. Real play, most of the time is a pure mind-fuck. The not knowing, the guessing. Lets face it, if your going to play you are not going to go over every detail before play, what fun would that be? This type of play is fun and can be very intense. While during play the Dominant should stay in vocal contact at all times to insure you are not blowing by any limits. Although you are keeping them guessing safety, should be your first concern.

So you have your pet tied to the bed, spread eagle, cuffed, blindfolded, gagged, they have no idea what you are about to do, you have taking away one of their main senses their sight. They have lost the ability to move or speak, their mind is racing. They feel your hand lightly touching them, you're touching where ever you want, their mind begins to wonder, their heart begins to race.

They feel the hot wax being dripped onto their breast, their stomach, not knowing where the next drop will hit. Their adrenaline begins to rush through their body, their endorphins are being released, they are starting to feel numb inside and out. They cannot control their thoughts or their fears.

Fear is a natural feeling, fear is the unknowing.

As you insert a vibrator and turn it on, maybe a butt plug at the same time, their mind is trying to register everything that is happening and it cannot. One step further now the ear plugs, you have now taking away the ability to see and hear. If they are gagged they cannot speak.

When sub-space is reached it is a natural high, even if they were able to move, meaning untied, they would not be able to. You could even untie her and she would still not be able to move. In their mind and thoughts they are moving but there is no control, the limbs feel very heavy. They now feel every light touch, be it just your fingers a feather, or a flogger. The wax you are dripping is felt one thousand times more.

I remember at one time Arianna went into sub-space, but she became giggly, her words were making no sense just off the wall stuff. She could not finish a sentence, or concentrate on any thoughts, she was just out there.

Once sub-space has been reached the pain factor goes up as well, this is why it is very important to stay in verbal contact while playing. If the submissive was not able to take any pain before subspace the pain tolerance will go up. If the submissive enjoyed a little pain before tipping to subspace they'll be able to take a lot more. Be very careful increasing impact play at this point. They are no longer able to let you know if something hurts or not. It's all going to feel different. OR, it may be the exact opposite. It all depends on the submissive and their reaction to subspace.

During sub-space if you should choose to have sex and the submissive reaches an orgasm it will truly blow their mind. All the adrenaline and endorphins have to go someplace.

Yes sub-space can be very intense and fun. The main thing to remember is as the Dominant should not be disappointed if sub-space is not reached every time during play, because honestly it is not going to happen. Just play and have fun, if it happens run with it. I guarantee it will bring both of you closer and closer. Trust is very important, once you have that trust you have the world in your hands.

Lea's Note:
Here's my two cents on this. IF you are playing with someone and you find your self floating, disconnected, euphoric and extremely sensitive mentally or physically you've probably reached some level of subspace. Now, I'm not talking sensitive because you've talked him into spanking you. I mean your skin feels like it's double or tripled in nerve endings. Tell your partner. Make sure you drink some water and cuddle. If you're irritable the next day, weepy, feeling really out of it... tell your partner. Subspace can really influence you hours later. A good cuddle session will help a lot. But make sure you TALK. 

I've asked that Mr. Vile will talk about aftercare which is absolutely necessary for playtime!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~What would you like Vile to chat about?If you have a question, a topic or just something you'd like to chat about leave a comment, message Vile on FB or email him. You can now leave anonymous comments below. 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vile62Email: viledesires62 (at) aol (dot) com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~More from Vile:You can find Vile at his own blog, which ALWAYS has great information and insight into his life http://thekinkyworldofvile.wordpress.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note from Lea:

Please know that I will be monitoring the comments and will not tolerate belligerence in any form. Vile is a guest and no matter if you agree with his thoughts or not you will not attack him. Healthy discussion is absolutely permitted and encouraged.

Not everyone has to like someone's kink, but they do have to accept it's validity.

Ask questions, pose problems, whatever you'd like!

Tattoo Tuesday- Scott King

Welcome Scott King to Tattoo Tuesday


I'm 36, 6 foot 2 inches, live in Leicester UK and am a fitness model dj/radio presenter for Demon 107.5 FM. Every Sunday UK time 2pm til 4pm. Click live on the real player to hear my show.

I was a ladies hairdresser for top salons in my city as a young man. I loved it, had a great time doing the London thing with all the top guys. Then I found boxing. Google Scott king boxing to find out more also YouTube Scott king boxing and see some videos of the old me. I was a gent in this sport, then I retired and changed the way I looked @ the world after losing my mum. Little Jean who adopted me from 7 days old, who I miss so much @ 36 and to feel alone. She made me the man I am today.. I miss you every day mum..i Ijust hope you are proud of the man I have become. xxx


I am a fun loving guy- kind, good to be around. I love to challenge myself on a day to day basis. I'm always am true to myself and other. I can break dance..lol not as good as when I was 17 but it still keeps me fit....I was in a dance crew...for many years haha

I love tattoos. Ink is my world and I have lots more, I mean lots more, ink to be done. So with my artist we are planning something special. I live in a city in the UK called Leicester city. I work with charity's. And are in the process of putting a calendar for children with cancer together, as children are our future.


I have no regents on any ink work just always improvements. My advice, think and plan your ink AND don't rush. It takes years to develop. My tattoos are the story of what I stand for as a man. A life story which is ever changing. The words describe feeling. Strength, hope, honour, and wellbeing ..and a man's quest through life with obstacles on the way and the way to true happiness. I live my life through the law of attraction and practice positive living, and through my body I express my life through ink. And I cant wait to get more inked. Well lots more...I love it.

Wow I've been addicted since my first ink session. Pow ...Booom That was it. I've made it apart of my life.

Goals? Just to be happy with my self/friends /family...and all who show me love will come right back to you.


I was a semi pro boxer. Google (Scott king boxing) and @ 35 thought it was time to finish ..so I retired, but still remained fit..I've always had a passion for sport and fitness, and a friend @ the gym asked if I would like to compete in a fitness competitions and I thought is was a wind up @ first. And he was honest and said no Scott your in great shape. Look in to the world of fitness sport modeling...so I did ..and to be honest, it has given me the same buzz as boxing did when I first started. The athletes who compete @ this level are incredible. The diets and training programmes are on another level. And adjusting to this sport was hard. All the different sides ..I had to learn like I was starting all over again.

My first competition was the north east beach body finals witch I came 2nd.......I loved every minute....of it on stage with the best body in the north of the country UK

My second comp was the Miami pro European championships ...and to be in this final was a great in site to the top level. And from this show I have to say my body was in league with all the other athletes but my work on stage presence needs to be improved...poses- posture- classic swagger...it all about owning the stage ...standing out.......so no I'm taking stage classes and working on my total look. On stage. This is key..


Stephanie Pantling is my friend and she took my first picture...which brings me to all my family and of fans on my model page as she posted my first ever picture on the net .

If I was a super hero I would love to be Spartan warrior......with the power to heal...........to see others in pain is my weakness ...the over whelming response not being able to comfort....the ones you love and the feeling of helplessness



 I would like to work in film...and try my hand @ acting ...my friends think this is another possible goal...I'd love to be a villain's accomplice...or the hero that saves the day ..lol in a gang film

My favourite tv shows are ..Green Arrow/and Small Ville

My comfort food is chocolate...and hariboz...being a single father me and my son love nothing more then kicking back watching a film with goodies. I am a normal guy that does the same as most guyz with there kids


My favourite books are the Law of Attraction. And positive thinking and way of life books...I'm also a romantic ...yes ....and I would love to be on the front cover of a best selling book lol

Quick questions:
Bottle or Can: bottle

Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate

Motorcycle or Muscle Car: muscle car

Morning or Night: night owl

Roller Coaster or Bumper Cars: bumper cars

I would just love to say follow your heart and always have a go @ want ever you want to achieve in life...have no regrets...life is for living ...and what we give to the world will always come back...one love. Love yourself. But I mean in a way of just being happy with who you are, not what everyone else wanys you to be. Live for you be happy with you. No money in the world, job, house, car, etc., all this means nothing if your not happy with you. Love you for the amazing person you are. Give love and love will come back to you.

What things do I value most in my life. I value my family and friends. And all the people who are close to me with all the love I have to give. I have a son Connor who is 8 years old he is my world a father's love for his child is unconditional to see his face and happiness is what I live and breathe for..I value love ...what we put out to the world comes back. Honesty and to be true to myself no matter what I do. I'm just me a real guy with all the same life issues as every one else I'm not perfect in any way. But am real.

Find Scott:
www.facebook.com/ScottKingModel
twitter @scottkingmodel
 for bookings scottking2012@hotmail.co.uk


I would like to shout out:
To my loving lost mum there is no day I don't think about you mum I hope you are so proud of the man I have become..

AND to:

https://www.facebook.com/TheInkedGuys
https://www.facebook.com/AymanInkedGuy
https://www.facebook.com/HOTSNAPZ
https://www.facebook.com/stephanie.pantling 

Spanking and Why You Should Want It

Spanking is an art. Spanking if fun. And, of course spanking is sexy as hell.

Spanking can be very erotic and it can be playful. I have an ass fetish that is out of this world. I hate to see my wife leave but I love watching her go.

Let's talk spankings. Some of you are already shaking your heads. You say, "well I don't enjoy being spanked". Sure you do. Imagine while washing dishes your hubby has walked up behind you and gave you a tap on the ass cheek, and you felt a rush through out your body, excitement. Go ahead, nod.

If Spanking is done correctly it can cause a woman to orgasm. While being spanked endorphin's are released in the same manner when you reach a vaginal orgasm. Endorphins, when released, can be minimal or just mind blowing in quantity. That is why some orgasms are better than others.

Many key factors come into play, foreplay being one. Sexual stimulation. Taking the time to please each other. How many erogenous zones your getting tapped. Oh, and if your mind is actually engaged in the sex or making a shopping list. Spanking can do a few things. It can focus the mind on the lower region, increase the amount of endorphins in the blood stream, engage large portions of the skin, increase sensitivity, engage nerves and increase blood flow to the pussy.

Now, I am not speaking about bending you over the bed and just going to town. It has to start out with light taps, and continue until you find your comfort zone. Erotic spanking is more about finding and keeping you on the edge between pain and pleasure. See below for positioning and hints.

The body has pressure points all through out. This is why if feels so good when you get a massage, especially a deep tissue massage, because they are hitting those pressure points and putting you in a relaxed state of mind. Spanking can do the same thing, but in a more erotic way.

Spanking is also a good way to spice up your bedroom time, most men will jump at the chance to do a little rough play. The truth is most men are scared to bring somethings up when it comes to sex. A huge part is feeling guilty, or fear of rejection or being judged. This is true. 

On the other side of the fence you do have the Ward Clevers, who are prudish when it comes to sex, crawl on top, bust a nut roll over and go to sleep. You end up busting out the vibrator the next day when he goes to work.

The key is to keep your man happy, I am not saying it does not work both ways because it does. You the woman have needs as well, but it has to be a give and take. Most men really get off on rough sex. We have a sexual thought about every twenty seconds. Yes it is true. So at times you need to step out of your comfort zone and give a little.

Men like to be asked when it comes to sex. You may have to dig for answers but asking is the key never assume anything. Many people, for what ever reason, when they first meet someone are afraid to express their wants and needs. If you enter into such a relationship it is doomed before you even get started, it is like lighting a fuse. Eventually it's going to burn itself out and you're left with nothing but ash.

If you are in a committed relationship what goes on behind close doors should be just mind blowing sex, down to earth sweaty fucking. This is time to play, this is time to release all that tension. This is the time to get your rocks off. You can do what ever you want, it is only the two of you.

Sex is meant to be fun, it is meant to be exciting, uninhibited. What goes on behind closed doors stays there. To give yourself 100% will only bring satisfaction. 

People say sex is a small part of a relationship and that is the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard. To some women it may play a small part but go back to the sexual thoughts a male has. If you do not believe me hit the google button. Lea Note: I think more women give up instead of trying to get anything out of sex because they're left behind more times than not with a non-communicative partner.

Many people for what ever reason fall into a sexual routine, that gets fucking boring and quick. Both need to experiment on a regular basis, if you do you will see steady changes for the best. 

Which brings us back to spanking...

Spanking is meant to be fun, I really and truly get off on spanking. I myself never spank as a form of discipline. Although I have once and Arianna had a hard time sitting for a couple of days.

Most husbands do not want to get rough with their wife, either out of guilt or again rejection. The wife should make a statement during sex, something to this effect 'tonight is your night you can do anything you have ever wanted to do'. The husband's brain will go nuts. This breaks the ice, the barrier that has been up for a very long time. Most husbands want to make love and most women just want to be fucked.
Lea Note: I burst right out loud. I want this on a T-shirt

The wife should feel comfortable talking to her husband, not all men are open to kinky sex, but if she explains it as a need more than a want , most of the time he will go along with it. Now I did say most, not all.

The male may feel somewhat uncomfortable the first couple of times. If the female enjoys something she should be vocal about it. The more pleasure she is getting the more he will get out of it.

Spanking is an art, and I have made women cum while being spanked. Does it happen every time? No, it doesn't just like sub-space.

The male should instruct his partner to bend over the bed or on a table palms down, legs spread shoulder width apart. Instead of a straight impact spank, the hand should be in an upward movement, this allows for full hand contact. Start lightly. If the female is comfortable it may help to loosen things up if she plays with herself a little to get that stimulation going. I myself like to stand to the side and wrap one arm around so I can play with the pussy while spanking with the other hand. Switching from cheek to cheek, if you just spank one side after a while she will not get the same effect.

Over the Lap spanking is very easy and erotic. Position her over your lap so your swings and contact are comfortable for you. Use the same upward motion insuring full hand contact, if you do not have the full hand it feels more awkward, and is less stimulating. 

Some light pain equals pleasure, more pleasure once the endorphins begin to release, then comes the orgasm.

Try hitting different areas. Such as the clit: very light rapid spanking to clit can cause a mind blowing orgasm. NOTE: I did say light. Nipples are the same with light pinching and pulling, he can then try spanking the nipples a little, I have met some women who just get off on that.

To bring the sting out just a little I love to use baby oil, a little on the palm of my hand and 'smack'. It sounds louder than it hurts.


NOTE: No belts! At least not in the beginning. You have no control of the belt and most of the time you miss the intended target, If you are going to spank to punish then yes, by all means get your belt, but for play it is not good. Those little paddles you get from Walmart with the bouncy ball attached those make awesome paddles, and for three bucks. Riding crops can be picked up at a feed store for 5.99, never buy that shit from a BDSM site.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~What would you like Vile to chat about?If you have a question, a topic or just something you'd like to chat about leave a comment, message Vile on FB or email him. You can now leave anonymous comments below. 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vile62Email: viledesires62 (at) aol (dot) com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~More from Vile:You can find Vile at his own blog, which ALWAYS has great information and insight into his life http://thekinkyworldofvile.wordpress.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note from Lea:

Please know that I will be monitoring the comments and will not tolerate belligerence in any form. Vile is a guest and no matter if you agree with his thoughts or not you will not attack him. Healthy discussion is absolutely permitted and encouraged.

Not everyone has to like someone's kink, but they do have to accept it's validity.

Ask questions, pose problems, whatever you'd like!

Tattoo Tuesday- Jennifer Tanner

WelcomePhotographer Jennifer Tannerto Tattoo Tuesday
OK, you guys are probably asking me WHY I'm featuring Jenn... but it's because she's one of my favorite people right now. LOL She's the photographer that shot that beautiful pic of Jeremy Mooney that you can see on 'Angling for Love' AND I'm working with her for at least two other covers... so, meet Jen and say 'Hi'


In 4 sentences...
"I crave exploration, adventure and possibility. I become bored easily. I adore my family, my friends and my church. I'm not too proud to apologize, but I'm pretty sure I'm right."

What first interested you in photography?
"When I realized that I saw things differently through the lens..life looks so much clearer and more in focus. It's all about seeing the "truth" the "real."


Living or non living subjects?
"Working with people/models is just interesting on so many levels. Dealing with someone on such a personal and open level is a huge high. For some reason, people open up and become who they really are when I have a camera on them. I adore that! I do admit that travel photography is my first love, although, so much of my travel photography includes complete strangers in the frame...something about capturing a person in their environment."

Favorite part of working with people and taking pictures?
"Again, I have to say that it's the truth part. It's the telling the story thing that gets me. My favorite thing in the world is to catch a shot that actually tells a story. I love those moments when I go back through my work and find that "gem" that you can look at and immediately know that there's a lifetime of stories there with that subject."


Favorite medium?
"Digital! Hands down! Just so much more flexible."

Any tats?
"No, I don't have any tattoos personally, but I love them. Some of my favorite people have them. Ha! If someone loves something enough to make it a part of their body forever then you have to respect that."

Jeremy Mooney
Life plans?
"Wow! That's a big question..I'm pretty much living my dream right now. I'm so thankful for that. I just sit back in wonderment sometimes at the people that have come into my life and the opportunities that I have been given. It amazes me. I am an extremely blessed woman and I don't take anything for granted. What I want is just more of the same!! If I could spend three weeks out of the month traveling on an assignment I would be beyond happy."

Most people don't know...
"I'm pretty open...usually people know everything about me pretty fast! But, that's a loaded question...if there's something that most people don't know then I probably want to keep it that way."


Superhero power?
"I would love to be able to be invisible. I could really see the truth that way and wouldn't need a camera to do it. My weakness would probably be my desire to be in the middle of what's going on, which makes invisibility impossible."

Favorite TV?
"I usually don't even turn on my television unless it's for football games. I'm one of those girls that gets up on Saturday morning to watch ESPN Game Day...love me some Herbie! Give me a football game and I'm happy."
Steffen Hughes
Comfort item?
"Hmmmm...Italian food, tequila, favorite sweat pants."

If there were no limitations on $?
"I would be on the road all the time. I would see everything that there is to see and meet as many people as I could. The world is big, big, big place and it's full of fantastic people and beauty. I can't seem to get enough of it. Unlimited plane tickets, endless beaches, old castles, villages that are off the grid, street food, grand resorts...that's my dream."


Reading?
"I am a ravenous reader. Most of the time I have 3 or 4 books going at once and they usually have nothing to do with each other. I don't have a particular genre that I enjoy more than another. I do love Southern authors, tho...Pat Conroy's words are music to me. For the deeper stuff, I go for C.S. Lewis and Joseph Campbell. For spiritual and devotional material I read Tim Keller and John Piper and I read my Bible daily."

Beer
Chocolate
Muscle Car
Naughty boys...of course!
Morning or night??? Ummm, whatever I need to be on any given day!
Not really into roller coasters or bumper cars....give me a helicopter ride or a swim with sharks! That's more my style!

Everybody hit me up on Facebook or you can go to my website @ www.jennifertannerphotography.webs.com

Well, of course hit up Lea Barrymire! :p

Loving Dangerously Scavenger Hunt and Blog Hop

My awesome author friend, A.M. Griffin is celebrating the imminent release of her third Dangerously book with something REALLY FUN!
I love science fiction. I have since I was a young girl and read Hitchhiker's Guide... now I like a taste of sex with my science and fiction. LOL
For my giveaway, which happens to be sci-fi stories I've written... I want you to tell me in the comments what your favorite smexy sci-fi or futuristic story is. I'm looking to replenish my TBR pile and letting you do the leg work. LOL

So, to win an ebook copy of Maggie's Abduction AND Cain's Salvationleave me a comment, with your email addy... and at least ONE science fiction or futuristic erotic romance that you've enjoyed or someone you know has enjoyed...

Good luck... now onto the fun Grand Prize info:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Do you know your sci-fi movies? Books? Each stop has a quote and you get to figure out which book or movie it is from and enter the GRAND PRIZE giveaway. Check it all out at the end of this post...


After aliens invade and conquer Earth, Eva is transported to a distant slave trading planet. Escape and freedom are her only priority, but none of her martial arts training prepared her for what she faces. She finds herself enslaved to the warrior King Taio. Eva’s drawn to this sexy alien male who ignites her heart and body.
Taio is disgusted with the idea of owning a slave—until now. From the moment he sees her, he knows Eva is his for the taking. Torn between lust and duty, Taio knows nothing will stop him from protecting his little warrior.
Publisher’s Note: This story was previously published elsewhere under the title Taken: Eva and has been revised for Ellora’s Cave.

Reader Advisory: Eva’s sexual awakening includes brief female/female exploration.

Ellora’s Cave: http://www.ellorascave.com/dangerously-mine.html
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Dangerously-Mine-ebook/dp/B00AO5CWSY/
Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dangerously-mine-am-griffin/1113984147?ean=9781419939631

GRAND PRIZE A.M. Griffin Swag-tastic pack:Tote bagShirtCoffee mugMouse padFlash driveNotebookSigned cover flats for all 3 booksTrading cardsBookmarkPen
eBook copy of Wired in Sin from Lea Barrymire$10 Amazon Gift Card from Danica AvetSwag pack from The Jeep DivaeBook copy of Arctic Destiny from Anya RichardseBook copy of an Alien Affairs book from Kate Hill$10 Amazon Gift Card from Booked and Loaded BlogGuitar Pic Ribbon Bookmark from Free eBooks Galore$20 Amazon Gift Card from eBook Indie Covers

Handmade Ribbon Bookmark & $5.00 Amazon or B&N Gift Card from Bookworm Bridgette's World
Blog Hop Sci-Fi Quote Instructions: Each stop contains an awesome quote from a science fiction book or movie. They are all found on out-of-this-world photos. Figure out what movie or book the quote is from and post in the Rafflecopter. DON’T post as a comment on the blog stop! That’ll give away the answers.Have fun and good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Sensual Saturday- Alex Carreras

Welcome Alex Carreras to Sensual Saturday...check out his newest


Blurb:
When Steve Wilkinson asks his boyfriend, Nate, of one year for his hand in marriage, he expects smooth sailing on the cruise ship, Destiny. And why shouldn’t he? But if that’s the case, why does Steve feel like he’s swimming against the strongest of tides with no shoreline in sight, instead?

All Nate Montgomery wants is a relaxing five-day cruise of the Western Caribbean culminating in a commitment ceremony with the man he loves, which should prove easy being surrounded by the people he loves…Or so he thinks.

But for some reason, destiny has taken another course, leaving the couple to maneuver the seemingly turbulent waters without the use of a lifeboat. But when sex, pregnancy, excessive alcohol consumption, affairs, and the revelers from the Friends of Dorothy meeting come crashing together all on one ship, anything is possible, even a wedding…or two?

A Siren Erotic Romance



You can find Alex on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alex-Carreras-Author/239750179416579

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ STORY EXCERPT

“Dad, you’re alive,” Josh said while Brittany waved at Steve and Nate from the deck chair, stretched out and sunning her long limbs.

“Hair of the dog?” she suggested, barely lifting her head.

Claiming his own deck chair, Steve tossed down his towel and sunscreen, unable to bend due to the thumping in his head. Making love to Nate had helped, but the two aspirin he’d taken would do the trick when their medicinal effect kicked in. “Where’s the rest of the crew?”

Josh pointed toward the pool, chatter and splashing filling the air. “Bartholomew, Andy, and Rodrigo are over there, Mom’s at the bar and Lou’s at the buffet….again.”

Brittany placed her hand on her bare stomach. “I’ve never seen anyone eat so much, and I have two brothers.” She stuck out her tongue.

“Still not feeling well?” Steve asked while stripping off his T-shirt and flopping onto the chair by Josh.

“A little better.”

Nate unbuttoned his white linen shirt. “I’m glad. It’s never any fun when you’re sick, but on vacation it’s always worse.”

“I’m sure it’ll pass.”

Josh nodded and grinned. “I’m sure it will.”

Slipping on his sunglasses, Steve rested his head and inhaled the warm salty air. “Now this is the life.”

Nate mumbled in agreement, throwing his shirt onto the floor. A loud burst of laughter came from the pool. Nate looked toward the action, shielding his eyes from the sun with his left hand. “It looks like the boys are getting along with Rodrigo. I admit he’s a real charmer.”

Carly approached wearing a generously cut red bikini, unlike Brittany’s bikini that looked like it was made for a Barbie doll instead of a woman. Carly rattled the ice cubes in her large plastic cup. “Everyone gets along with Rodrigo.” She cleared her throat. “Everyone except Steve, that is.”

Steve lifted his head, the aspirin finally alleviating his headache. “I just met the guy, Carly. Would you please give me a chance to get to know him?”

“Head still hurting, sweetheart?” Carly sat at the bottom of Josh’s chair, swatting his feet to the side. “I heard you two were the center of attention at the disco last night.”

Steve met Carly’s judgmental gaze. “I didn’t go to any disco?”

Brittany released a jolt of laughter as Nate clapped and laughed.

Steve jerked his head between the couple. “What in the hell is so funny?”

“Dad,” Josh began, sitting up, “you don’t remember leading the crowd doing your best YMCA?” He shook his head. “What is it about gay men and the Village People?”

Flicking water over the sunbathers, Bartholomew answered Josh’s question, waddling up like an overfed penguin. “Honey, you have a construction worker in faded tight jeans, an Indian showing nothing but skin, a chocolate colored delectable cop, and a Harley hunk hiding a hard-on in leather chaps. I can’t believe you have to ask that question, sunshine.”

Nate hooted. “Have you already hit the bar, Bartholomew?”

The stout man with abundant chest hair struck a pose. “Are you insinuating that I’m a drunk?”

Nate lifted both hands, palms out. “Would I do a thing like that?”

Handing Bartholomew a plastic cup filled with a slushy pink liquid, Andy interrupted. “After you’re done defending your little habit, would you please take this because my fingers are about to freeze off.”

Bartholomew snatched the drink from Andy. “Carly, would you mind switching boyfriends? Mine’s getting a little testy in his old age.”

“Maybe for the afternoon,” Carly mused, crossing her legs at the knees. “But you have to promise to bring mine back without a scratch.”

“I never make promises I cannot keep.” Bartholomew winked and sipped from his drink, the pink slush contaminating his dyed mustache.

“Carly, my beautiful mujer.” Rodrigo jogged up, water sluicing down his muscular, permanently tanned body. “You know I don’t mind suffering a few scratches.” He arched a groomed eyebrow. “Just as long they’re given in the name of love.”

Bartholomew and Andy melted where they stood as Josh and Steve groaned under their breath. Josh shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I’m learning so much about my parents this week,” he said. “Things I wish I didn’t know.”

Brittany swatted at Josh’s arm. “With parents as cool as yours, how did you end up being such a tight ass?”

“Plenty of squats,” he shot back, jokingly.

Want to read more? http://www.bookstrand.com/cruising-into-destiny-commitment-ceremony

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ADULT EXCERPT

He allowed his lover to win.

Steve watched as Nate jumped the rocks jutting into the sea, and raced along the last stretch of secluded beach, before ducking into the mouth of the cave, disappearing. Slowing to jog and shifting his daypack higher onto his shoulder, Steve entered the dark cave, nothing but a grotto. The rush of water covered his feet and swirled around his ankles as Nate enveloped Steve into his strong and powerful arms, his lover’s urgent crushing kiss stealing the breath he didn’t have. Kissing back and inhaling through his nose—fighting away a second of light-headedness—Steve felt Nate tear at the front of his Speedos to unleash his cock.

“I need you.” Nate’s declaration echoed from off the walls and reverberated in Steve’s chest.

Tangling tongues and chewing lips, Steve pushed his swim trunks down to around his knees, his cock arching and rock hard in Nate’s palms. Nate stroked long and hard, paralyzing Steve with lust. He tore away from Nate’s mouth. “Fuck, that feels so good,” Steve moaned, wondering how much time they had before the tide consumed the space around them, forcing them out into the open. Taking Nate’s engorged cock with both hands he squeezed, the head flushing to a deep purple. “We have to hurry.”  Steve bent and lapped the drop of pre-cum that surfaced from Nate’s slit. “Are you ready?” he asked.

Of course Steve knew that he was.

Nate reached over Steve’s shoulder and into the bag, removing the lubricant. He poured a generous amount onto his fingertips and then to his cock directly from the open bottle. Steve spun, resting the pack on the only remaining spot of dry sand and widened his legs. He reached overhead to steady himself against the rock as he felt Nate’s slick fingers pushing into his cleavage and readying his aching hole. Steve sucked in air as Nate pushed in one digit and then two and stretched. “I–I–I want your dick,” Steve stammered, desperation tearing at his soul.

Reaching around Steve’s waist and wrapping his arms around his chest, Nate’s rigid cock teased Nate’s cleavage before plunging into Steve’s sensitive flesh. Steve forced himself to breathe through the initial stabs of pain and waited for the inevitable rush of pleasure. He arched his back, forcing his weight against Nate’s slow ride. “You feel so big…so good,” Steve managed through ragged breaths.

Bucking and grinding, Nate angled and licked along Steve’s spine and then sank his teeth into Steve’s shoulder.

Steve released a strangled cry, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

Nate lapped the sore spot. “You taste so good,” he said, kissing. “Hot and sweet like the man you are.”

Meeting his lover’s urgent thrusts, Steve welcomed the wave of lust that overtook him, lost in his lover’s skillful lovemaking. The sounds of the surf crashed around them as their moans ebbed and flowed much like the tide. More and more, Nate’s searching hands found the intimate spots of Steve’s body, working them over and driving Steve wild. In one, two, three thrusts, Nate screamed out as an orgasm racked his body, Steve, too, shooting his load as Nate’s hot juices filled him completely. The men met physically and spiritually praising their need for each other’s flesh. Finally mustering the energy to speak, Nate pulled out from Steve, caressing his buttocks along the way. “We have to get back and get out of this place or we’re going to drown in here,” Nate said.

Steve shook his dick, squeezing out the last bit of cum. He bent and retrieved his Speedos, tucking himself away. He turned to see the fire that still raged in Nate’s deep green eyes. “I can never get enough of you, you know that?” Steve leaned in and brushed a kiss over Nate’s fleshy lips, warm and wet. “Never enough.”

“I’m counting on it,” Nate mumbled heatedly through a kiss, “until death do us part. For eternity.”

Want to read more? http://www.bookstrand.com/cruising-into-destiny-commitment-ceremony

Your Husband Is Not Dominant?

Your Husband is not Dominant ~Lea's Note: I asked Vile to write out some information for those of us that have significant others that don't understand, or have a tough time with our submissive sides. Enjoy and share...
This happens all too often, something late in life triggers the woman’s feelings. She wakes up one morning with all these weird thoughts, usually sometime in their mid 30′s to early 40′s. Anything could trigger it, something from their past, talking to people, reading, or even a movie.

Back in the day I use to see a lot of married women who were married. Yup they would either come over to my place or they would rent a room. It had nothing at all to do with sex, not in anyway.. These women had desires to be tied up, spanked, humiliated. Some just wanted to be talked to about the lifestyle. When I say a lot I am talking several. Many had talked to there husbands about their feelings. While some could not, because they felt dirty-- something had to be wrong with them. Or there husbands told them they were sick, they needed help-- "get away from me".


What you women are feeling is perfectly normal. Nothing is wrong with you.
Seriously wow... Okay let me get this straight, from my point of view here. If you've been married for many years sex is really pretty boring, foreplay is a thing of the past and it is now a job. The truth is you're having sex maybe twice a month if that, at about 15 minutes maybe shorter because someone is missing the game. Instead of trying to have a greater understanding of her feelings, he push's her away especially if she's voiced the need for 'something different'. She is no longer normal. She is a freak.

I really hope there are a few vanilla guys reading this, because it gets better. And the next little bit is for them.

Your wife has gone through a transformation. She is burning up inside, and you're worried about the fucking Nicks game, seriously? Your wife has turned into most every mans' dream. When is the last time you told your wife, hey come here and suck my cock, go to the bedroom and spread, I want to fuck your ass, or you have the need to just put her on her knees and face fuck her. Tie her up, spank her. These are things husbands get girlfriends for, but here you have a wife who will do anything you want ANYTHING.


What you're wife is feeling is perfectly normal. Nothing is wrong with her.
What does she want in return? You to spend some time talking, be a little firm with her, give her a few task to do during the day, call and check up on her. Hold her at night. She's asking for an hour a day now instead of the fifteen minutes you gave her. She's asking for greater communication so she can express her feelings.

Really? So why not watch the Nicks while getting head? What can be better than that? She will be anything you want: your wife, friend or your whore.

If you guys are not willing to bend, guess what? They're going to stray, begin to talk to someone else who has a greater understanding of their needs, what they're feeling, why they feel this way.


What they are feeling and asking is perfectly normal. Nothing is wrong with them.
As a matter of fact the medical profession is just now coming around and they are accepting the BDSM lifestyle. It is no longer a perversion.

Here is a just few little tricks to begin the transformation, in some cases you can train your husband to be more Dominant.

You as submissives or slaves can do things as well, to feel like you want. Pick simple task to do, things you think need to be done, point out what you have done. Make him tell you what he wants for dinner that morning. Make it clear you made the car payment, paid the cable bill, sweep and moped, dusted everything you do.

Start dressing a little more provocative, be more vocal during sex- I am not talking screaming or yelling- tell him  what you like. During sex talk to him, tell him tonight he can do what ever he has wanted to do without question. You already trust him, so being hurt is not part of the process.While watching TV just out of the blue start to masturbate, being casual about it. Come one now what man can resist that? Unzip his pants go to town or while in bed just do it without a thought. You don't have to wait for him to ask you to give him head. Do things that are spontaneous.

Although sex is not the base of a relationship, it does play a huge part. You can start the process of giving up control without hubby even knowing it. If you are questioned about anything your answer would be "I have the need". Your answer could be "well, I don't know I just have this submissive feeling". It will either raise an eyebrow or it will make him think.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Nothing is wrong with you.

Now on the other side, if your married to a Jehovah witness minister, eh, maybe look into buying some good toys, and just keep your thoughts a fantasy.

Maybe a few of these things will help…..

Vile


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~More from Vile:You can find Vile at his own blog, which ALWAYS has great information and insight into his life http://thekinkyworldofvile.wordpress.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note from Lea:

Please know that I will be monitoring the comments and will not tolerate belligerence in any form. Vile is a guest and no matter if you agree with his thoughts or not you will not attack him. Healthy discussion is absolutely permitted and encouraged.

Not everyone has to like someone's kink, but they do have to accept it's validity.

Ask questions, pose problems, whatever you'd like!