Josh Stern's Blog, page 191
December 23, 2011
Birthday Chili
I had come up to Stowe to celebrate a real thanksgiving day- my Date of Birth—November 26th…
Ostensibly a seemingly joyous time… The first thing I do is experience grave disappointment as not one of my FB Friends- all 3,264 of them, wish me 'happy birthday…happy bday…happy bidet…' nothing-zilcho
Until I realize at about 1 pm that my birth date has been set to 'hidden'- and my brain set to fry…….which makes me deliriously happy in a 'you're such a moron 'kind of way.
So I put it back to 'Public View" and then the fireworks begin!! Vindication and belonging rejoice!!!! As the Birthday Good Wishes come dribbling in like the semen spray of a 90 year old - Yeah well……
Being a Diabetic who only has to look at a tollhouse cookie to get a blood-sugar spike, I find solace in the next best 'allowable delicacy' ….. a Birthday Chili- the sinking lit candles remind me of that quicksand scene in one of those Indiana Jones flicks ( I think it was the 'and the Crystal Scrotum').
'Blow them out before they're completely submerged' my supportive Mum cheers…
None of my other family members make it up to celebrate—I missed drying my hands on my Nephew's face in preparing for Sabbath lunch….
So it's like Birthday in the tundra just me and the Steppenwolves, licking ourselves and I don't mean wounds…
As a Birthday bonus, I narrowly miss having to see my definitive Ex- (who crushed me hardest and vacuumed every little bit of my heart after the warranty ran out) of whom I haven't seen in a good 11 years and I wouldn't mind not seeing for time immemorial….. but in fairness, she gave me fair warning about coming in NYC for the weekend from Paris…probably as a foreign porn shoot location…..
I have this innate fuck up compass which like the magnetized North Pole would get me seeing her in the most anti-serendipitously, ill-karmic timing - The Powers that be have pawned the silver lining of the cloud that follows me….
