Josh Stern's Blog, page 174
January 24, 2013
Oque te motivou ha escrever este livro?
is that pig latin? iyay ikelay otay itewray….how’s that? Pretty impressive eh? it’s like riding a bicycle into a garage door
Thank u for making alot of people laugh out loud. U made my day. So thank u and never change.
Thanks so much….now fuck off…kidding…I’m howling…just too funny- Only good things
January 19, 2013
Twin hydroceles have nothing to do with pimping your motorboat
One day, after a particularly lengthy bout of 21 hour internet self-abuse…and sitting on a particularly hard chair, which felt as if my prostate was being cattle branded; I chanced to feel something amiss downstairs in the ballsacal area…It was if I was a DC Comic superhero from the 60s where a freak lab experiment of a new experimental ray had increased the size of my left ball at least 20 fold….
Realizing there must be collateral properties to this newfound , I quickly bounded up the stairs to the roof of my apartment building to fling off the edge to test my flying ability…getting winded at floor 19 was actually a good thing as it tempered my enthusiasm with a ‘what if’ scenario of not being able to fly and being able to maintain an unpainful erection for over 4 hours, with no need to call my medical physician„,scratch the blast off
After much trial and error, which was exclusively error. I surmised that it was indeed just an ignominiously large ball and a painful one at that… So I had to buy a new pair of pants with the kind of rise that would be all the envy of an assisted living facility or worn down at my knees up i the barrio..and I learned to walk like a Frankenstein, if he had peed his pants. I could no longer ride a bike or do yoga but that was more due to the fact that I develop Tourettes during Warriors l and ll
It did make a lovely addition in the bulge category of any swimsuit competition and it was quite egregious in a pair of jeans especially the skinny kind…my morning amusement was to get onto a crowded subway car and stand in front of the hottest chick who was sitting down, so her nose would be just inches away from what could only be construed by those not in the know as: ‘porn star proportions’
Yes it was a happy life, idyll days of carefree subway travel..the kind with young girls running out at the next stop and me filling their vacant seat…but i was scared of what the cause of this monster could be….
Enter Tansky the Harvard-trained Urologist
I had met Tansky at the gym, he was a friend of a Hampton’s share buddy of mine who seemed to collect rare breeds of weirdness on his travels…Tansky had this well-coiffed professional helmet of hair that seemed to be a calling card with the educated set..having no medical insurance I had to be sneaked in for an impromptu ultrasound
January 7, 2013
if Karma is a Bitch, why is she never in heat....
Fast is a lifestyle where you see things before the first blink and do things right or wrong accordingly… leaving hindsight in the rearview mirror. When you’re up all night, all you want for breakfast is to be coddled with something warm and Bailey’s but If you have to bite the bullet, just don’t ask for a side order of shotgun and suicide is really just for those people who can’t help but order substitutions off the menu….
I enjoy deep, lasting, meaningful relationships with Women, because I am a BDSM devotee…..I hope I missed my last chance for happiness….. I just hate all those false alarms and whereas Charity begins at home,…..and ends at the wall adjoining your fucking asshole of a neighbor, some places are just made for potty training…like the food court at the mall
Sex without friction, is about as much fun as a Boy Scout Jamboree , without a butane flamethrower
