L.R. Lam's Blog, page 39

Ten Snaps: Barcelona

I love to travel and to share photos, but on the blog I figure I shouldn’t inundate you with all 300odd photos we took on our trip away. So here are ten shots I think best summarise my long weekend of sun in Spain.

Sagrada Familia

So much food

Interesting graffiti

Small streets

Many museums

Barcelona from the top of Park Güell

From our hotel balcony we could see and hear the live music being played on the roof of La Pedrera

 

Dali Museum in Figueres

Cervesa!

Dali Museum

 

 

Books Read in June

1. The Madman’s Daughter – Megan Shepherd. A retelling of The Island of Dr. Moreau. I found the love triangle a little tiring but otherwise really enjoyed the creepy atmosphere and will definitely read the sequel.

2. The Witch’s Betrayal – Cassandra Rose Clarke. This is a short story set before the events of The Assassin’s Curse. An enjoyable little read.

3. The World Wreckers – Marion Zimmer Bradley. This book was okay. I enjoyed the gender exploration but wasn’t particularly drawn to the plot.

4. Abomination – Robert Swindells. An excellent MG tale about bullying, parents in a cult, and friendship. Can’t recommend it enough.

5. Highland Folk Ways – I.F. Grant. Book research.

6. Lost and Found – Tom Winter. Another Team Mushens author. Very well-written, with a wry wit and loving characterization of Alfred and Carol.

7. Poltergeist over Scotland – Geoff Holder. Book research.

8. Ghoul Britannia – Andrew Martin. Book research.

Random Research: Drum Castle

Drum Castle is another Aberdeenshire castle, based near Drumoak. Clan Irvine owned it. It has a tower house from the 13th century but was greatly expanded during the Victorian era, as with most castles.

It’s also said to be haunted, though it doesn’t have as many ghost stories as other castles. One ghost is a female figure who might be Anna Forbes, wife to one of the Lairds of the castle. The castle is well-preserved and has a gorgeous library. The grounds are lovely, with 17th century rose gardens and a wee chapel which is still often used for weddings. I couldn’t find as much information on it as Craigevar, but I have a fair few photos from the two visits I’ve taken to it.

2005 visit:

With Craig’s parents. I’m posing like a statue because it was windy

Teenage us. Hehe

Always too tall for the doorways

A hobbit house! And bad fashion sense

2010 visit:

My mom and me

My mom: also too tall for the doorways

RT for a Chance to Win a Signed Pantomime!

Are you on Twitter? RT and follow me at @LR_Lam for a chance to win. Open internationally and ends Saturday at 12 BST.

RT and follow for a chance to win a signed, personalised & numbered copy of PANTOMIME! Ends Sat 29/6 12 BST. #giveaway #win

— Laura Lam (@LR_Lam) June 25, 2013

Out and About

Guest post on Strange Chemistry on my recent school visits to Dollar Academy, Keith Grammar, and Gordonstoun School

I’ve made a page about my visits and events this year, including booking information and testimonials

A review and Interview for YA Pride at More Than Just Magic

There’s another peek at my workplace, on this post at Author Allsorts you can also have a sneak peek at the first chapter snippet of Shadowplay, the sequel to Pantomime

Pantomime was featured on the DiversityinYA tumblr, which was cool!

Random Research: Craigevar Castle

With my Aunt Ginger in 2010

Over the years, I’ve been to a lot of the castles around Aberdeenshire, of which there are quite a few. I figured I’d do a series of the ones I’ve visited, as some of the details will now prove useful for a project I’m working on.

One of my favourite castles is the fairy tale Craigevar Castle. It’s near Alford in Aberdeenshire, and seems to almost sprout from the rolling foothills of the countryside. Built in the Scottish Baronial style, it belonged to the Forbes family.

This is one of the best-preserved castles. It still doesn’t have electricity, so even on a summer’s day, it’s a little gloomy inside. There’s a secret staircase connecting the high tower to the great hall, and plenty of stories about the family.

The castle wasn’t quite as pink when I first went the first summer I visited Scotland, in 2005. It used to be harled in cement, but it was causing a lot of damp, so they recently reharled it in the traditional limestone. You can see the difference in these two photos, taken during different visits:

2005

2010

By the Gatehouse

There’s a few good stories about the castle. Sir Red John, a man with a temper as fiery as his hair and ruddy colouring, once caught a member of the rival Gordon clan sneaking up to visit his daughter. They dueled about the bedroom, and Red John forced him from the tower to fall to his death. I borrowed a bit of this story for the tale of the Phantom Damselfly shared in the Pavilion of Phantoms in Pantomime. This murdered Gordon supposedly haunts the halls, as well as a phantom fiddler.

There’s another interesting tale, though I didn’t find out about it at the castle, but by researching Pantomime. Sir Ewan Forbes, the 11th Baronet of Craigevar Castle, was born Elizabeth Forbes-Sempill. He may have been born with an intersex condition, for after an “uncomfortable upbringing,” he began living as a man as an adult, and studied medicine at the University of Aberdeen, traveled Europe, learned the harp, and recited Doric poetry. He didn’t officially change his gender until he was 40, in 1952, and requested an amendment to his birth certificate, and then he married his housekeeper. There was a court case about inheritance, since as a male he stood to inherit, but not as a female. Wikipedia describes it thusly:

“The re-registration passed without much public comment, and the issue of his gender would remain a private one until 1965. That December, his elder brother Lord Sempill died, leaving daughters but no sons, and thus posing a problem of inheritance. The barony was able to be passed through the female line, and so could pass directly to Sempill’s eldest daughter Ann, whilst the baronetcy – along with the bulk of the land – would have to pass to the first male heir.The family had assumed that Ewan would inherit, as the younger brother. However, this was challenged by his cousin John Forbes-Sempill, who argued that the 1952 re-registration was invalid. This would mean that Forbes was still legally considered a woman, unable to inherit the title, and so it would pass to John Forbes-Sempill.

At the time, gender re-registration was permitted in a limited set of cases; the leading case, decided in 1965, had held that re-registration of this form was only permitted when “the sex of a child was indeterminate at birth and it was later discovered … that an error had been made”. The challenge was taken to the Court of Session, where the case was heard in great secrecy – no papers were publicly filed, and the judge sat in a solicitor’s office rather than in open court to hear the case. However, the records of the case have recently been made available via the National Archives of Scotland. They show that a total of twelve medical experts were called to give evidence, and their testimony was taken by the court to indicate that Forbes was a physical hermaphrodite, which would accord with the legal requirement of “indeterminate at birth”. However, the medical evidence was not conclusive; Professor Martin Roth observed in evidence that he felt Forbes’ condition was closer to that of a transsexual, and Professor John Strong described the medical tests involved as “not wholly conclusive”. The judge ruled in favour of Forbes, though it has been suggested that the judge desired to ensure the estate and the title was inherited by the “right” candidate, and was flexible with his judgement in order to obtain this result. The ruling was appealed to the Lord Advocate, who referred the matter to the Home Secretary, James Callaghan. Callaghan finally ruled in December 1968 that Forbes was the rightful holder of the title, confirming the court’s decision.

The level of secrecy of the case, which was criticized by some contemporary observers, meant that it was not properly recorded or published, and the exact facts of the argument were not known for some time. As a result, whilst it sharply differs from later rulings such as Corbett v Corbett [1970], it was not able to be considered as precedent in later judgments on the legal recognition of gender variance.”

He died in 1991 and was the one to give Craigevar Castle to the National Trust of Scotland.

An interesting and beautiful castle.

And so I’ll leave you with this photo of 16-year-old me, who found a cat and some German children when I visited in 2005:

A Few Links

Just a flying visit with a few links of me out and about on the web:

1. I have a guest post on Gay YA called The Grey of Gender: Intersex and Gender Variant/Non-Binary Characters in YA

2. I participated in SF Signal‘s Mind Meld on LGBT Themes in Fantasy and SF – Recommendations

Books Read in May

I am J – Cris Beam. An excellent book on transgender FTM teen, J, and his quest for acceptance and finding himself. Read for the LGBT-read-a-thon.

Timeless – Alexandra Monir. A time travel YA fantasy/romance. Afraid it wasn’t quite my thing.

The Crane Wife – Patrick Ness. I love Ness’s writing to pieces, but this one didn’t quite work for me, either. I didn’t like any of the characters. Still gorgeously written, though.

The Falconer – Elizabeth May. Are you jealous? You should be! I’m friends with Elizabeth May so I got a sneaky peek at this highly-anticipated fantasy. And it’s very, very good.

One of Us: Conjoined Twins and the Future of Normal – Alice Domurat Dreger. Dreger wrote another book on the history of intersex conditions, Hermaphrodites and the Medical Invention of Sex, so I was interested in her other work. Very good insight into how conjoined twins and other people of atypical anatomy view themselves versus how the medical field and society view them. Lots to think about. I’ll do a more in-depth review at some point for a Random Research blog post, since I’m thinking of picking up that blog series again.

Amber House – Kelly Moore, Larkin Reed, Tucker Reed. I find it sweet it was co-written between a mother and her two daughters. Set in a big house with secrets in North Carolina, it has a great Southern Gothic feel. I didn’t find it remotely creepy, but enjoyed it a lot.

Blood & Guts: A Short History of Medicine – Roy Porter. Pretty self-explanatory. Research for a book. May feature in a Random Research post later.

Haunted Castle of Scotland – Martin Coventry. More book research! Takes an in-depth look at the Green, White, Grey, and other coloured ladies rumoured to haunt castles around the country, as well as looking at how they might tie into Celtic myths and history. Also mentions phantom pipers, bloody lairds, secret skeletons, and all manner of creepy goodness. May feature in a Random Research post later.

After Publication: The Roller Coaster Doesn’t End

Getting published is always the goal, the end goal, what you aim for during all those nights and mornings of typing away at the keyboard. You spend so much energy thinking about finishing the book, writing the query letter, getting the agent, getting the publishing deal. You’ve done edit after edit, you’ve imagined and then seen the cover, you’ve held the ARC, and then, finally, the final copy of the book.

But then what?

It’s like preparing for something mystical and magical. It’s your book birthday. Your book wedding day, almost. This is the moment you’ve been daydreaming about, working towards, wishing for more than anything else. This is your dream coming true.

It’s wonderful. You have a launch party, perhaps. You drink champagne. You sign books and you feel like a Proper Author. You’ve made it. You sneak into a bookstore and just stare at the book on the shelf, trying not to cry. You see your Amazon rankings shoot up the lists the first couple of days. And even though you know—you know—not to get your hopes up too much, you do anyway. You get fan mail. You’re on top of the world.

And then, the buzz dies down. The rankings slip. Fewer reviews trickle in. The world has gone on to other new and shiny books. People are still reading you—but most are not reviewers. They’re not as likely to tweet to you that they enjoyed your book or post a review. They read it. They liked it. Or they didn’t. They go on to another book and you’ll never know. You didn’t realise how much you’d grown to rely on those little messages of encouragement. Now, you doubt yourself.

All that fear you’ve been able to defer before the book coming out comes crashing down. You’d distracted yourself with working on that book blog tour which took your every spare moment. You focused on the logistics of the launch parties, and keeping on top of your email.

You might be doing well, you think maybe you are, but you don’t really know. You’re a newbie. Should you be doing more marketing? What kind is best? You send some emails to magazines; you arrange some school visits. Is that enough? What’s considered success? Are your publishers disappointed, or are you in line with their expectations? What the hell are your numbers, anyway? You’re afraid to ask. Is it considered rude?

And then, if you have a two-book deal, that second book is now due pretty soon. You try to focus on that, but you’re still whirring from being an author with a book coming out to an author with a book out there now. It hits you at the oddest moments—when you’re brushing your teeth, and you pause, mint-flavoured foam in your mouth, absolutely terrified. Anybody can now get into your brain, read a piece of yourself. Negative reviews come in, and you’re weak and look at them sometimes, and they chip at your confidence and that second book.

But it’s not all doom and gloom by a long shot. You still get wonderful things through that make you giddy. Someone sends you a photo of the book somewhere far away—Hawaii, New Zealand, in airports, which, even though it’s in the same country, somehow feels just as magical. Airports! You hold onto these moments, keep them close, to comfort you when you’re scared again.

You finish the second book. You send it off. You wait.

And now what?

 

That is where I am, right now. Trying still coming to terms with being out there. I didn’t expect to find it quite so scary. I think it takes a lot of people by surprise. It’s the post-book blues. It’s all the uncertainty. It’s realising it’s not like your daydream because this isn’t a daydream—this is real life.

I thought I was alone in being so very freaked out after Pantomime came out. And then after the fear subsided a bit, the strange feeling of being deflated. Then I started talking to other authors, and realised pretty much all of them felt the same way. But people seem pretty quiet about it online. Maybe it’d be construed as complaining—you got your dream, why are you moaning?

Don’t get me wrong—I’m still over the moon that I’m published and I’m out there. But I wish I’d anticipated this. The nerves, the occasional blind panic, the comedown of achieving that dream. When you’re doing all those first steps, you never think much about what happens after. I’ve mentioned this before on this blog—it’s like you’re afraid to imagine that far ahead.

And now I’m here. And it’s weird.

I now worry I’m not writing quickly enough, to keep up the career momentum. Are my next book ideas good enough? Will anyone like them? I just threw out half of a broken book to start from scratch. I feel in some ways back at square one, like I’m learning to write all over again, and that has thrown me, too.

So I’m airing all my anxieties here. If you’re a hopeful author and you stumble across this, it might happen to you once you achieve that dream. It might not. I have diagnosed anxiety—probably should have seen this coming, especially considering I was working full-time and studying part-time while this all went down (hindsight: not my brightest idea). Other authors out there—did you feel this? How did you cope?

Me? I’m throwing myself into other projects. I can’t do much to control sales, or reviews, or any of that. But I can write more words, and so I’ll do it all over again. Back to square one.

Flabbergasted #23 and My Desk

As an addendum to the previous blog entry – evidently I’m number 23 in bestsellers in Glasgow airport! So each store has different numbering, which is one mystery solved. Very exciting! My gasts are still flabbered.

Last Thursday, the new desk I ordered finally arrived, and my valiant husband put it together since I’m useless. I tweeted a photo in excitement and fell into a conversation with Stephen Aryan, Jennifer Williams, and Lou Morgan about workspaces and how we love to be nosy and see where and how others work. Stephen already put up his post, so head on over!

So here are some higher quality photos of my desk, rather than the slightly blurry one I took with my phone last week.

Here’s the larger view. I’ll focus on the things you don’t see in the next photo. It’s against the fireplace because, well, we live in a tiny flat and this is the only spare wall in the front room. I drew the koi drawing myself, and below it is a Hokusai woodblock hand print from 1819 of Japanese magicians (which I still need to get framed properly at some point). The books on the top shelf are vintage books I bought at an antique shop that were the centerpieces at my wedding. The bottom two shelves are blank because quite often, my cats jump onto them. Next, from left to right we have some space copies of Pantomime and the ARC, topped with a lovely pantomime card my friend Kim Curran got me. Then there’s my husband’s uni workbooks, some candles and figurines and my dad made the “LOVE” sign back when he owned a sign business. Next to that are some spare notebooks and some nice tins that hold a variety of stuff.

And here’s a closer view. My Kindle in its green case, my Livescribe notebook, my laptop propped up on James Jean artwork print books and Taschen Magic and Circus books (research for Pantomime and Shadowplay). Another notebook is my mousepad (though I think I might buy this mousepad for extra nerd power). I always have tea or coffee to hand, a pen holder, sticky notes, and my phone. This is where I’ll be doing most of my writing from now on.

As a bonus, here’s a peek at my bookshelves, taken a few months ago as part of the Pantomime blog tour. This is the wall opposite the desk.

If you share your workspace on your blog, let me know at @LR_Lam on Twitter!