Stephanie Verni's Blog, page 65

What I Got From Listening to Glennon Doyle Melton

Last night, my book club friends and I went to listen to Glennon Doyle Melton speak at Woods Memorial Presbyterian Church in Severna Park. We purchased our tickets a couple of months ago, and I was eager to hear what she had to say. Glennon is the founder of Momastery, author, speaker, and a regular person with struggles just like the rest of us.

Beyond her very funny delivery of material and the way she related to God and Jesus on a personal, colloquial, and humorous level, she made it easy for all of us gals in the room to relate to her. A recovering alcoholic and bulimic who suffers from anxiety talked straight with us about getting over hurdles in life, dealing with the day-to-day struggles of marriage, the pressures of mommyhood, the realities and hardships of friendships, and what it means to “just be there” for someone in his or her life.

I found myself dabbing my eyes at times, as her storytelling unfolded in the most truthful and pure of ways. But what I got most from her talk was the use of the word “brutiful,” a combination of the words “brutal” and “beautiful.” Over the years, I’ve experienced some very low moments–moments I wish could have been different and moments I wish to never participate in again. We all have, whether they have been big things or little things. What you remember is to not beat yourself up–to move on, to learn from things, and to accept that life is brutiful…it has its good moments and its bad, there is no doubt.

There are a few personal things I’m working on right now in my life–the way I feel about myself, communicating my feelings in a more helpful way, the way I handle conflict with others, forgiving things others have done to me and forgiving myself for what I have done to others. I believe this is her message, and it spoke volumes to me. It makes you realize that our journey is one of improvement, and it is a constant work in progress.

Filed under: On Life Tagged: author, book club, Glennon Doyle Melton, speaker, work in progress

Porch Sitting & Writing, A Winning Combination

My summer break is finally here. As a college professor, we love our teaching, but sometimes a little down time is important. For months, people have been asking me what I’ll be doing this summer.

My answer? Reading, writing, relaxing.

There you have it in a nutshell.

And yes, I have some things to accomplish, but they will get done on my schedule.

I’m still editing “Postcards and Other Short Stories,” and I’m writing my third novel. But the beauty is, I feel no pressure. I’m on my own timetable.

Our porch at home is my little sanctuary. I love my office, its space, and the new chandelier, but in the summertime, I like to be outside as much as possible, and so my little laptop and I venture to the table on the porch where I listen to the birds chirping, the airplanes fly overhead, and the sounds of silence while I write. It’s a great time to collect my thoughts, get creative, and let things unfold as they may.

My pile of books to read is long. I’m finishing up The House on Primrose Pond by Yona Zeldis McDonough. Next up: After You by JoJo Moyes.

I hope you get to indulge and enjoy some quality time that’s all yours, too. Let me know what you’re reading; I always love a good book suggestion.

In the meantime, if you need me, you can find me on the porch. I’ve got a cold glass of iced tea waiting for you.

xx |

Stephanie Verni is the author of Baseball Girl, Beneath the Mimosa Tree, and the co-author of Event Planning: Communicating Theory and Practice

Filed under: On Life Tagged: After You, author, Baseball Girl, Beneath the Mimosa Tree, fiction, porch, porch sitting, porches, publishing, reading, relaxing, Steph's Scribe, The House on Primrose Pond, writer, writing, writing spaces

To Blink = Change

This getting older thing causes a lot of nostalgia. It really does. I’m not sure where it comes from sometimes, but it seems to creep into my life daily. The years are marked by “big moments,” and some of them come barreling along, and some sneak in quietly. Lately, it seems every time I turn around, something is changing.

First, my son got his driver’s permit. It’s exciting, but it’s one of those aspects of your life that makes you say, “I remember just yesterday he was dancing to the Wiggles.” Jeez. He’s months away from driving and two years away from college. How did we get here so fast?

Second, my daughter is about to finish her eighth grade year and become a high school student. Again, blink, and there you are. One minute she was carrying on shenanigans at her preschool, and now she’s getting ready to join the ranks of a high school freshman. She even knows where she wants to go to college. (I’ll keep that to myself, because we all know, girls are prone to change their minds.)

Third, at Stevenson University, I’ve spent 16 years teaching on the Greenspring campus, which is the original campus of Villa Julie College before we expanded and experienced so much growth under our President, Kevin Manning. As our university has boomed, and as we have expanded to three campuses, our department of Business Communication is moving to Owings Mills North into the new, state-of-the-art Academic Center. It’s bittersweet. Of course, you want to stay current and move with the times, but the Greenspring campus has been the setting of my working days for so many years now (below is a picture of the Greenspring campus).

Fourth, even our vacation this year will be in a different setting. Sixteen years seems to be the magic number, and for 16 years we’ve been spending our vacations in Duck, North Carolina. We have enjoyed our time there, but this year, it is time for some new scenery. We are heading to Savannah, Georgia, and Hilton Head for the first time as a family.

To blink = change.

You can be nostalgic, but you can’t hang on to it. You are constantly moving and changing even when it appears you are standing still. You have to roll with it, embrace it, and realize you have to live in the present. Living in the past rarely does anyone good.

I typically do well with change, and often look forward to it. I just needed a moment to remember what was.

Now, on to what will be.

 

Filed under: On Life Tagged: Change, Change is good, don't blink, driving, embracing change, Greenspring campus, kids driving, kids growing up, moving on, Owings Mills North, Stevenson University

For Graduates: There is Always A Place For You

The approach to campus | Stevenson University | October 27, 2015

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At college and university graduations across the country, ceremonies will be chock full of great quotes, wonderful inspirational sentiments, and often excerpts of poetry. Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Not Taken,” is a popular favorite—and an amazing poem.

However, for my graduates who are about to enter the working world or continue on to graduate school, this little poem has always been one of my favorites by Anne Campbell. I share it with you now as I wish you well, hope you have wonderful successes and happiness ahead of you, and cherish the times we shared at Stevenson. Remember: there is always a place for you.

 There Is Always a Place for You



by Anne Campbell





There is always a place for you at my table,

—You never need be invited.

I’ll share every crust as long as I’m able,

—And know you will be delighted.

There is always a place for you by my fire,

—And though it may burn to embers,

If warmth and good cheer are your desire

—The friend of your heart remembers!

There is always a place for you by my side,

—And should the years tear us apart,

I will face lonely moments more satisfied

—With a place for you in my heart!






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Congratulations, graduates!
Filed under: On Life Tagged: anne campbell, class of 2016, congratulations graduates, graduation, graduation ceremonies, Poetry, Stevenson University, there is always a place for you

Be Like Stella, Writers, and Get Your Groove Back

 

I’ve taken a lot of time off from creative writing. Oh, I don’t mean the blog. I keep on doing this because, of course, I love it. And I do post an occasional Friday Fiction piece. But it’s not the same as tackling the writing of a novel.

After completing the event planning textbook in January, I needed some time away to clear my mind, teach my classes, focus on my family, and maybe even go for a therapeutic walk now and then.

But now, I’m ready to get my groove back. Like Stella from the novel by Terry McMillan, sometimes we need to get back in the swing of things.

Yesterday, my brain became unfrozen. I had become stuck within the pages of my third novel, and it was bothering me. I wasn’t liking it. I’d stopped writing because I didn’t know where the story was going to go, what it was going to do, or what it would become. But then, in a moment of utter relaxation and pure clarity, I had a vision, and I wrote the prologue. It came to me from—honestly, I don’t know from what source it came. It was as if someone held up a bright light and said, “And the story is going to start here.” It was crazy, and then Boom!, just like that, I was back in the groove.

However, the truth of the matter is this: you shouldn’t really have to get your groove back. You should stay in your zone and feel the groove all along, even if it gets a little slow and murky at times. You should fight through the writer’s block, read good stuff to inspire you, talk over the proposed plot with friends and family, and generally, just sit down and write each day. Sure, some days you will write more brilliantly than others, but who cares? You are writing. It’s what you are meant to do. I give this advice to students all the time, and yet I wasn’t taking any of it myself.

Don’t loose your groove, writers. Push through it. Keep stuff that you think is crap. Delete sentences, edit and rework paragraphs, and delete some more. Get rid of characters and ideas that aren’t working. But more than anything, stay in the groove.

You got this.

Filed under: On Life Tagged: get in the groove, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Prince, Terry McMillan, writer's block, writers, writers and writing, writing groove

Our Fairy Gardens: One in a Container, One in the Garden

For my daughter and me, springtime means it’s time to dust off our fairies and get ready to build this year’s fairy garden. In an effort to try something new, and inspired by a container fairy garden I saw displayed at Homestead Gardens, I decided to surprise my daughter with a pretty container and some new accessories to build part of our fairy garden. We actually have so much stuff, we decided to split up our fairies into the “little container fairy garden” that will be displayed on our back porch, and the one in the front garden as you enter the house.

This was our inspiration for the container fairy garden from Homestead Gardens.

It was a lot of fun sharing this time together, being creative, and hunting for the items we wanted to add to this year’s garden. If you haven’t built a fairy garden with your daughter, I highly suggest it. When we reminisced on how we got started with this annual project, it all started with a Hallmark Christmas movie we watched called “Christmas With Holly,” about a little girl who loses her mother and has to live with her three uncles. Along the way, Holly meets a toy store owner who happens to have a beautiful fairy house, and she believes her mother may be a fairy watching over her from that toy house. That was it. My daughter and I were so enamored with the story that we decided to create our very own fairy garden.

If you’re wondering if fairy gardens do, indeed, have magical powers, I happen to believe they do.

Fairies are invisible and inaudible like angels. But their magic sparkles in nature. —Lynn Holland

The Container Fairy Garden Photos

Outdoor Fairy Garden in the Front Garden

Filed under: On Life Tagged: building a fairy garden, Christmas with Holly, fairies, fairy, fairy gardens, fairy stories, Hallmark Channel, Homestead Gardens, magical fairies

What Failure Taught Me, With a Nod To Author Markus Zusak

As part of the final in Magazine Writing, I asked my students to reflect on certain aspects of the course, including the readings, their writing, and the lessons learned, as well as their ability to construct a well-written response to a writing prompt. This year’s students were asked to reflect on writer Markus Zusak’s wonderful Ted Talk for Question #1 (Zusak is the author of the acclaimed novel, The Book Thief). I asked them to consider their own failure(s) or something that they are afraid to do that could possibly lead to failure. I got a lot of interesting answers, but most of them discussed how failure has led to other things—better things and personal growth. As Zusak notes in his talk, it was writer Samuel Beckett who said, “Fail again. Fail better.”

When looking back on my life, I have failed at things a multitude of times. I’ve failed at communicating properly, at telling people how I really feel, at being kind all the time, at motherhood, wifehood, daughterhood, sisterhood, and the list goes on and on. But there’s one particular failure that stands out to me and changed me, and it ironically happened in a classroom in college.

I was taking a course called Communication Process, and my topic, one that was given to me (as I would never have chosen it myself), was communication apprehension. Its proper definition is as follows: “Communication apprehension is an individual level of fear or anxiety associated with either real or anticipated communication with another person or persons.” Yup. Lucky me. I got that topic.

The irony of being charged with researching that particular topic was two fold: (1) that I had to present my findings in a 12-minute speech to the class, and (2) that I actually suffered from communication apprehension.

I was never comfortable being in front of a crowd as just me, standing and speaking in front of people. It was the reason I ticked off my 8th grade chorus teacher when she asked me why I didn’t audition for the play. “Because I don’t want to be on stage,” I said. “It’s too much stress.” Looking back, what a chicken I was.

Nevertheless, the more I researched communication apprehension, the more I began to suffer from it. I could feel my elevated heart rate every time I had to go to the library and find another source to suit the needs of the rubric. (And that was in the days when there was a card catalogue and no Internet).

When it came time for the presentations, the teacher also chose the order. I was second from last. In a class of 35, that was an eternity to wait, and a long time for communication apprehension to build. When I finally got my chance to get up and speak, I froze. Completely. I made my way along, until I could no longer take it. My hands were buzzing, my knees were knocking, my heart was causing all kinds of trouble in my chest, and I felt as if I could pass out. I asked to get a drink, and she allowed me to go in the hallway and calm down. When I came back into the room with questionable stares and few smiles, I became even more uneasy. The bottom line is this: I couldn’t finish my speech. I failed, and then felt humiliated by my failure.

I got away from the course by the skin of my teeth with a “C” because my other grades had been so good, but I’d never felt failure like that before. As a cheerleader in high school, I should have been used to being in front of crowds, but public speaking was a whole different game altogether.

When I came home after that spring semester and sat with my mother on the back porch, I told her that I might have to change my major—again. I had already switched from business to communication, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do. With solid coaching from my mother, I dared to try it again. Her advice: “Just be sure if you have to present again, you pick something you really know…something you are passionate about.” It was great advice, as long as the professor didn’t pick the topic for you.

I conquered that fear of public speaking by talking about the new part-time job I had just secured at the Baltimore Orioles in the new course I was taking, Business and Professional Communication. Standing at the podium in front of a large lecture hall in front of 100 of my fellow classmates, I went second and delivered a good speech, much to my own pleasant surprise.

That time, I didn’t fail. That prior failure made me never want to fail like that again.

I won’t lie—getting up and speaking in front of a large crowd still makes my heart go pitter-patter, but my years of teaching and standing before a group of students has made the process that much easier.

Three years ago when I was asked to represent our faculty and to speak at our Baccalaureate celebration for graduation, I accepted because I didn’t want to let the students down. I wanted to give them a good speech. Despite that there were 500+ people in the room, I used that energy to have some fun while I spoke from the podium. Plus, our university president was there, and when he saw me shaking it out before we processed into the gym and onto the stage, he told me his own best advice about public speaking. He said, and I will always use this tip for as long as I have to speak in public: “You never want to sit down when you’re done talking and say to yourself, ‘I could have done better.’ That’s what motivates me to give a good speech.”

I really loved this advice.

 Looking back on that college classroom at the age of 19, I can say it was that failure that made me become a more serious student. With the acquisition of my job at the Orioles, I learned how to budget my time, get my studies done, and work a job that had incredibly demanding hours. My grades got better, my work ethic became stronger, and I developed a drive I didn’t know quite existed in me.

Whereas Zusak ended his talk with a quote NOT from a writer, I’ll take the other course and close with one from J.M. Barrie that is, surprisingly, not a depressing one. Barrie says, “We are all failures – at least the best of us are.”

Filed under: On Life Tagged: Baltimore Orioles, college, communication apprehension, failure, fear of public speaking, Markus Zusak, public speaking, The Book Thief, what failure taught me

The Day After Mother’s Day: The Debate Over Who Works Harder—Stay-at-Home Moms, Working Moms, or Part-Time Moms? Debunking the Myth

Too often I hear moms battling it out over who works harder—the stay-at-home mom, the working mom, or the part-time mom. I’ve seen moms look down their noses at others for the time they put into their work, whether that work takes place in the home, in the office, at a computer, or at a variety of other professional places. As we celebrated Mother’s Day yesterday, moms everywhere were heralded for their devotion to their children, for their unending love for the job at hand, and for doing the hardest work on the planet—parenting.

Despite all that celebrating, I think it’s time for moms everywhere to stop beating each other up. The bottom line is that being a mom is challenging, whether you’re balancing dishes or earning a degree or fighting for a promotion. As someone who has been lucky enough to experience all three aspects of motherhood, I’m sorry to say, there’s just no easy way out. No matter how you slice it, the job comes with its advantanges and its disadvantages.

I spent some long days alone when my kids were small trying to figure out how to fill the time from when my husband left in the morning until he came home at night; when my kids got a little older and I decided to work part-time, I had to balance the house, the kids, and the job; and, in 2008, when I became a full-time faculty member at a university, I had not only to balance the kids and the job, but I also had to go back to school to earn a Master’s of Fine Arts degree. To say I didn’t sleep much is putting it lightly.

Each and every one of those jobs requires a sacrifice of some kind, whether it meant giving up a good career to raise the kids and being a masterful juggler, to balancing work and home with a part-time job, to throwing myself into my work and hoping my kids will understand why I could only spend one day with them on the weekend as I pursued a career in the field of education.

Ladies—moms everywhere—it’s time to stop beating each other up. In this wonderful United States of America, we have the divine privilege of choice and what works best for our families. If your family relies on your salary to keep the family afloat or if you are a career woman, then the choice may be to work and bring in an income and advance your career. If your family needs a little money on the side or you just want to stay busy in a part-time capacity, then that choice may suit you. Or, if you have the wonderful luxury of staying at home with your children, you may decide that meets the needs of the family best.

The bottom line? Who are we to judge another woman’s choice? What we should be doing is praising that woman for all that she does for her kids and her family. We all make choices in life—some good ones, some fair ones, and some really, really bad ones—but ultimately, it’s that mom’s choice and not ours.

Mommies everywhere, here’s my advice: if you want to be happy with the decisions you make to raise your children, stop comparing yourself to others. You are uniquely you and your family is uniquely yours.

Captured this moment at Fenway Park…my son with his arm around his sister during batting practice.

My kids love me just as much now with my full-time job as a professor as they did when I stayed at home and played with Legos or took them to the park; and, when I worked part-time in different capacities I had to balance “office time” with “play time.” Between my husband and me and along with some wonderful grandparents, we have always found a way to make things work. My children have seen what it takes to be committed to something and want to succeed in a career. They understand the sacrifices I have made and continue to make sometimes. But they are loving, good kids, and luckily for me, they totally get it and understand.

It’s time to adopt the attitudes of our kids and respect and encourage one another instead of trying to tear each other down.

If you don’t believe this is a real discussion that can rip friendships apart, I’m here to tell you otherwise. It can. It has. It does. Plus, all you need to do is GOOGLE working moms vs. stay-at-home moms. You’ll be amazed at the multitude of articles that continue to barrage the Internet.

In closing, from me to you, whether you work full-time, part-time, in the home, or perhaps are retired and are enjoying motherhood from a different perspective, Happy Belated Mother’s Day.

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, you’re doing a great job.

Don’t let anyone allow you feel otherwise.

Filed under: On Life Tagged: mom discussion, mommyhood, moms, Mother's Day, professional moms, raising kids, working moms vs. part-time moms

Saturday Style: Women in Hats

My favorite fashion blogger, Suburban Faux Pas, in a gorgeous dress topped off with a hat. Photo credit: Instagram|Suburban Faux-Pas

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Summer is around the corner, and it’s time to think about getting yourself that perfect hat. Whether it’s a straw one, cotton one, or a ball cap, you will want to protect your face from the harmful rays of the sun. Along with getting yourself a good pair of sunglasses, you will want to purchase the right hat for your face shape that also goes well with your hair.

The six-year run of Downton Abbey made me fall in love with hats all over again. Watching Mary, Edith, and the rest of the ladies on Downton, made me miss the completeness a hat can bring to fashion and your own personal style. Don’t be afraid to go for it–and buy a hat that suits you and can be worn with multiple outlets. Or, buy a few, and mix them up accordingly. On our trip to Napa Valley, I noticed a woman with a great outfit on, topped off with a big, floppy hat and a huge flower. It really made her stand out among the crowd.

So…go for it. Find your style. Get yourself a hat this season. Wear it well. Remember, as Coco Chanel said, “Fashion fades; only style remains the same.”

Another picture of Suburban Faux Pas in a hat. Photo credit: Instagram | Suburban Faux-Pas

 Another favorite fashion blogger, chictalk, and her hat style. Photo credit: Instagram | Chictalk 

One of my favorite beach hats.

My daughter and me…glasses and a hat.

I’ve had this big, black hat for years and I still love it.

Filed under: On Life Tagged: coco chanel, Fashion, Featured, hats, style, summer hats, sunglasses

In Honor of Teacher Appreciation Week & A Thank You to My Students

In the laundry room on Pointer Ridge Drive in Bowie, Maryland, where I grew up, my parents hung my large blackboard I got for Christmas. The laundry room was a good size, and the perfect place for me to set up my schoolroom. My aunt had given me a grade book she used when she was a teacher, and at the age of eight, I began practicing to be a teacher by writing on the board, planning lessons, and marking the imagined students’ grades in my grade book.

Mrs. Schuman and Ms. Cosby were my fourth grade teachers, and I watched how they conducted the class. I wanted to be just like them…teaching, interacting with the students, and grading papers.

When we moved to the Annapolis area and I attended Severna Park High School, it was Ms. Susek I adored. She taught the Creative Writing class I took, and I loved every second of it. Ms. Susek encouraged our creativity, expanded our knowledge by suggesting good pieces to read, and helped us tweak our short stories and poems. Mrs. Sheppard taught us Maryland history, and I recently ran into her in Severna Park. Guess what? She remembered me. That’s one heck of a teacher.

In college at Towson University, there were several professors who loved what they did, from Brenda Logue who taught communication courses to Barry Moore who taught film, and their excitement for the topics they instructed was contagious. But it was Dr. George Friedman, my graduate school professor, who made me love writing so much that I knew—at some point—I was going to publish something. Additionally, the way George conducted his class with respect and a sense of imagination and pure fun has always led me to ask the question in my own classroom: What would George do? Asking myself this question always leads me to the right answer.

Finally, there is the case of my mother who taught middle school until she retired. Seeing her influence her students in positive ways, watching how kids react when they run into her in Annapolis as adults now and give her big hugs and thank her for being their teacher—all off this touched me and made me want to pursue the occupation.

Two weeks ago, I was promoted to full professor at Stevenson University. I cannot tell you how touched and honored I am to have achieved that status. I’ve worked hard, but I wouldn’t do any of it if it weren’t for the students. They make coming to work pleasurable. They also made me realize that at the age of eight, I had pretty good instincts to know what was going to bring me joy as a career. And I couldn’t be happier.

To my public relations writing class this semester—you all made me teary when I walked in the room and you applauded my promotion. I will never forget that moment. Thank you so much.

To teachers everywhere—I appreciate what you do every single day. It’s a tough job that requires tons of work inside and outside the classroom, as well as sacrifices of your spare time. But what you do is important—and it touches many people’s lives whether they tell you or not.

 

 

Filed under: On Life Tagged: Annapolis, Featured, Mister Rogers, Severna Park High School, Stevenson University, teacher, teacher appreciation week, Teachers