Barbara Venkataraman's Blog: A Trip on the Mobius Strip, page 26
December 23, 2014
Book giveaway!
I am giving away five copies of my newly-released paperback book, "A Trip to the Hardware Store & Other Calamities". This award-winning book of humorous essays will raise your spirits and leave you smiling!
This giveaway is exclusively on Goodreads and ends 12/30 at midnight. Happy Holidays!
This giveaway is exclusively on Goodreads and ends 12/30 at midnight. Happy Holidays!
December 22, 2014
Free e-book promotion-Check it out!
My award-winning e-book, "A Trip to the Hardware Store & Other Calamities" is free now on Amazon through December 24th! Happy Holidays to all!
http://www.amazon.com/Hardware-Calami...
http://www.amazon.com/Hardware-Calami...
December 17, 2014
MRS. GRAMMAR PERSON WRITES IN VERSE
Fear not, Gentle Writer, for Mrs. Grammar Person, hearing your sighs and seeing your furrowed brows, is delighted to offer her assistance once again. She knows the source of your consternation, the impetus for your aggravation; more absurd than an irregular verb is the mixed-up sound of an irregular noun. When mouse becomes mice and louse becomes lice--it's truly enough to make you think twice. These three nouns are also offbeat: tooth becomes teeth, goose becomes geese and foot becomes feet.
But some nouns don’t change, and that is just fine, for no matter how many, a swine is a swine. Other animal nouns that are equally clear are moose, sheep and fish, bison, tuna and deer. Alas, Mrs. G.P. cannot grant all of your wishes, for sometimes fish can also be fishes.
Before spending time berating ourselves, we must figure out how elf became elves. Some nouns end with 'f' and change into 'v', so Henry VIII had six wives, don't you see? Each wife had a scarf, six scarves did they have, worn around their necks and not on their calves. I cut food with a knife, though I own many knives, a dog has one life, while a cat has nine lives. I buy bread by the loaf, I can't eat many loaves, but two or more oafs will never be oaves. Fluff and stuff never change, thank heavens for that, like a dog is a dog, but never a cat.
The next three nouns are really quite mild, and clearly address each man, woman, and child. Men, women, and children is the rule you must ken, to understand that the plural of ox is oxen.
The next three are tricky--stick with it, please--or you'll never understand appendices. With appendix, index, and matrix, you'd never guess, but the plural of each ends with "c-e-s".
The next nouns are Latin and make quite a fuss, and include such strange words as nucleus. Mrs. G.P. regrets very much that she might make you cry, but the plural of nucleus is nuclei. Please focus your mind and you'll learn by and by, that the plural of focus is always foci. A cactus can blind you if you're poked in the eye, for nothing hurts more than sharpened cacti. A mushroom's a fungus and healthy to try, but more than one type is known as fungi. Yes, your head hurts, we know--too much stimuli.
More Latin for you, these nouns are more rare, the plural's the form that gives them their flair. Mrs. G.P. prays she won’t make you feel dumb when she tells you that data are comprised of datum (media/medium, bacteria/bacterium). Likewise, criteria is more than one, but the singular form is criterion.
Our crisis averted, no more crises today, Mrs. G.P.'s diagnosis is that you'll be okay. Her analysis complete, she finishes up with a flourish, and hopes that her rhymes weren't too amateurish. Changing person to people is our final odd duck and now Mrs. Grammar Person has run out of luck. You're happy to leave her for nothing is worse, than listening to Mrs. G.P. composing in verse!
But some nouns don’t change, and that is just fine, for no matter how many, a swine is a swine. Other animal nouns that are equally clear are moose, sheep and fish, bison, tuna and deer. Alas, Mrs. G.P. cannot grant all of your wishes, for sometimes fish can also be fishes.
Before spending time berating ourselves, we must figure out how elf became elves. Some nouns end with 'f' and change into 'v', so Henry VIII had six wives, don't you see? Each wife had a scarf, six scarves did they have, worn around their necks and not on their calves. I cut food with a knife, though I own many knives, a dog has one life, while a cat has nine lives. I buy bread by the loaf, I can't eat many loaves, but two or more oafs will never be oaves. Fluff and stuff never change, thank heavens for that, like a dog is a dog, but never a cat.
The next three nouns are really quite mild, and clearly address each man, woman, and child. Men, women, and children is the rule you must ken, to understand that the plural of ox is oxen.
The next three are tricky--stick with it, please--or you'll never understand appendices. With appendix, index, and matrix, you'd never guess, but the plural of each ends with "c-e-s".
The next nouns are Latin and make quite a fuss, and include such strange words as nucleus. Mrs. G.P. regrets very much that she might make you cry, but the plural of nucleus is nuclei. Please focus your mind and you'll learn by and by, that the plural of focus is always foci. A cactus can blind you if you're poked in the eye, for nothing hurts more than sharpened cacti. A mushroom's a fungus and healthy to try, but more than one type is known as fungi. Yes, your head hurts, we know--too much stimuli.
More Latin for you, these nouns are more rare, the plural's the form that gives them their flair. Mrs. G.P. prays she won’t make you feel dumb when she tells you that data are comprised of datum (media/medium, bacteria/bacterium). Likewise, criteria is more than one, but the singular form is criterion.
Our crisis averted, no more crises today, Mrs. G.P.'s diagnosis is that you'll be okay. Her analysis complete, she finishes up with a flourish, and hopes that her rhymes weren't too amateurish. Changing person to people is our final odd duck and now Mrs. Grammar Person has run out of luck. You're happy to leave her for nothing is worse, than listening to Mrs. G.P. composing in verse!
December 15, 2014
MRS. GRAMMAR PERSON MAKES A TOAST
Fear not, Gentle Writer, Mrs. Grammar Person will not abandon you, despite the fact that it is the busiest time of year and she hasn't finished making her cookies. Nay, Mrs. G.P. knows that if grammarians don't remain vigilant and make every effort to ensure clear communication, then civilization will surely fall. And, while many civilized people prefer to use the word insure instead of ensure, Mrs. G.P. assures us that ensure is preferable, unless, of course, you sell insurance.
As it is the season for childlike wonder, Mrs. G.P. stops to wonder why childlike connotes a return to happier times, while childish is an insult used for adults who embody the worst aspects of childhood, such as whining, tattling, or tantrums. This is indeed a mystery, one that we don't have the capability to solve, although we surely have the ability to use both words correctly. The words ability and capability are often used interchangeably, but are not the same. Capability usually means extremes of ability or potential ability, while ability refers to a current level of achievement or skill. Likewise, the word capacity may refer to a talent one was born with, while ability is a skill one must learn. Isn't it addictive to learn the nuances of grammar and word usage? Some would say it's addicting, and although Mrs. G.P. would applaud the sentiment, she would disagree with the word choice.
Not wanting to start an argument, our favorite grammarian would defuse the situation by offering the person one of her addictive home-baked delicacies. Her only wish is for good grammar to be diffused across the land, but, if she cannot have good grammar, she will settle for good cheer, especially during holiday time.
Speaking of time, Mrs. Grammar Person always spends some time answering e-mails from her devoted fans, as well as those from sometime grammarians, whom she refers to as dabblers. It has been some time since Mrs. G.P. received such an e-mail, but it did happen again sometime yesterday. This particular dabbler proclaimed there to be no difference between the words, everyday and every day and challenged Mrs. G.P. to prove otherwise. Always up to a challenge, our favorite phonetic fanatic rolled up her metaphorical sleeves and wrote:
My Dear Sir,
It is not an everyday (ordinary, daily) occurrence for me to receive a request such as yours. If it happened every day, then I would have no time for my baking. Everyday is an adjective, while every day is an adjective followed by a noun. Whenever you are unsure as to which form to use, may I suggest that you substitute each day and, if that makes sense, then every day is the correct choice.
All the best,
Mrs. Grammar Person
As you might imagine, Mrs. G.P. has heard nothing further from him, not even a thank-you, but, no matter, she has much to prepare and her mind wanders farther from the rules of grammar than she would care to admit. She must choose between baking and wrapping gifts, but since decisiveness is among her many talents, she bustles off to wrap gifts. To her consternation, she notes that the pajamas she bought for her niece are marked inflammable but that the incense she bought for her yogi is marked flammable. What unnecessary confusion! To clarify, Mrs. G.P. writes identical cards to attach to the packages. The cards make it clear that each gift will catch fire quite easily.
Exhausted from so much activity, Mrs. Grammar Person sinks into an overstuffed chaise lounge in her drawing room. Her furniture is a soothing rose color because chintz makes her dizzy. She is startled to hear the doorbell ring and, flustered, she rushes to answer it. Who is it, but her new friend, Mr. Syntax, holding a bottle of champagne wrapped with a bow. With a broad smile and a happy glow, our favorite grammarian invites him in.
"I hope you'll pardon the intrusion," the gentleman says, shyly. "But I was in the neighborhood and wanted to bring you a holiday gift. Something as bubbly as you are."
Mrs. G.P. notices that this is no ordinary champagne, but, in fact, the most expensive French variety. She hesitates to take the bottle.
"But, Mr. Syntax, I cannot accept something so valuable. It's too much…"
Looking crestfallen, Mr. Syntax replies, "Mrs. G.P., I consider your friendship invaluable and this is but a token of my appreciation." He looks so sad that even his moustache droops.
Our favorite grammarian has an idea. "I cannot accept this expensive gift, but I am happy to drink it with you."
"Brilliant!" he replies, bouncing back to his old self. He pops the cork while she fetches the champagne flutes.
They sit next to each other in front of the fire crackling on the hearth.
"To a beautiful friendship!" says Mr. Syntax, raising his glass.
"To a wonderful new friend!" says Mrs. Grammar Person. Glasses clink and delicate champagne bubbles float away, right into the new year.
As it is the season for childlike wonder, Mrs. G.P. stops to wonder why childlike connotes a return to happier times, while childish is an insult used for adults who embody the worst aspects of childhood, such as whining, tattling, or tantrums. This is indeed a mystery, one that we don't have the capability to solve, although we surely have the ability to use both words correctly. The words ability and capability are often used interchangeably, but are not the same. Capability usually means extremes of ability or potential ability, while ability refers to a current level of achievement or skill. Likewise, the word capacity may refer to a talent one was born with, while ability is a skill one must learn. Isn't it addictive to learn the nuances of grammar and word usage? Some would say it's addicting, and although Mrs. G.P. would applaud the sentiment, she would disagree with the word choice.
Not wanting to start an argument, our favorite grammarian would defuse the situation by offering the person one of her addictive home-baked delicacies. Her only wish is for good grammar to be diffused across the land, but, if she cannot have good grammar, she will settle for good cheer, especially during holiday time.
Speaking of time, Mrs. Grammar Person always spends some time answering e-mails from her devoted fans, as well as those from sometime grammarians, whom she refers to as dabblers. It has been some time since Mrs. G.P. received such an e-mail, but it did happen again sometime yesterday. This particular dabbler proclaimed there to be no difference between the words, everyday and every day and challenged Mrs. G.P. to prove otherwise. Always up to a challenge, our favorite phonetic fanatic rolled up her metaphorical sleeves and wrote:
My Dear Sir,
It is not an everyday (ordinary, daily) occurrence for me to receive a request such as yours. If it happened every day, then I would have no time for my baking. Everyday is an adjective, while every day is an adjective followed by a noun. Whenever you are unsure as to which form to use, may I suggest that you substitute each day and, if that makes sense, then every day is the correct choice.
All the best,
Mrs. Grammar Person
As you might imagine, Mrs. G.P. has heard nothing further from him, not even a thank-you, but, no matter, she has much to prepare and her mind wanders farther from the rules of grammar than she would care to admit. She must choose between baking and wrapping gifts, but since decisiveness is among her many talents, she bustles off to wrap gifts. To her consternation, she notes that the pajamas she bought for her niece are marked inflammable but that the incense she bought for her yogi is marked flammable. What unnecessary confusion! To clarify, Mrs. G.P. writes identical cards to attach to the packages. The cards make it clear that each gift will catch fire quite easily.
Exhausted from so much activity, Mrs. Grammar Person sinks into an overstuffed chaise lounge in her drawing room. Her furniture is a soothing rose color because chintz makes her dizzy. She is startled to hear the doorbell ring and, flustered, she rushes to answer it. Who is it, but her new friend, Mr. Syntax, holding a bottle of champagne wrapped with a bow. With a broad smile and a happy glow, our favorite grammarian invites him in.
"I hope you'll pardon the intrusion," the gentleman says, shyly. "But I was in the neighborhood and wanted to bring you a holiday gift. Something as bubbly as you are."
Mrs. G.P. notices that this is no ordinary champagne, but, in fact, the most expensive French variety. She hesitates to take the bottle.
"But, Mr. Syntax, I cannot accept something so valuable. It's too much…"
Looking crestfallen, Mr. Syntax replies, "Mrs. G.P., I consider your friendship invaluable and this is but a token of my appreciation." He looks so sad that even his moustache droops.
Our favorite grammarian has an idea. "I cannot accept this expensive gift, but I am happy to drink it with you."
"Brilliant!" he replies, bouncing back to his old self. He pops the cork while she fetches the champagne flutes.
They sit next to each other in front of the fire crackling on the hearth.
"To a beautiful friendship!" says Mr. Syntax, raising his glass.
"To a wonderful new friend!" says Mrs. Grammar Person. Glasses clink and delicate champagne bubbles float away, right into the new year.
December 13, 2014
"A Trip to the Hardware Store"--now available in paperback!
My award-winning book of humorous essays, "A Trip to the Hardware Store & Other Calamities", is now available in paperback--and just in time for the holidays! Where else can you find so many laughs for under $6.00? Check it out:
http://www.amazon.com/Hardware-Calami...
http://www.amazon.com/Hardware-Calami...
December 12, 2014
"Death by Didgeridoo" is free until 12/16!
"Death by Didgeridoo" is free until 12/16! Spread the word! :-D
December 9, 2014
Expert Advice From a Voiceover Actor
Please welcome Carrie Lee Martz, acclaimed actress, voiceover artist extraordinaire, and one of my favorite people! She is here today with advice on how to get started in the voiceover business. Enjoy!
http://www.carrieleemartz.com/blog/ho...
http://www.carrieleemartz.com/blog/ho...
December 8, 2014
MRS. GRAMMAR PERSON IS AMUSED
Fear not, Gentle Writer, Mrs. Grammar Person is out of the doldrums and no longer feels dull, listless, or in low spirits. The word "doldrums", from the Old English word dol, means foolish or dull, but you may rest assured that Mrs. G.P. would never think you foolish for feeling dull. No, she would try to raise your spirits in the same way she raises her own--with the most delightfully entertaining words imaginable.
Mrs. G.P. is sensing a scintilla of sympathy and an iota of interest from you, her devoted admirers, so she will explain her method lickety-split. She will not shillyshally (procrastinate) or dilly-dally (delay) or lollygag (dawdle) another minute, although she does not wish to proceed in a way that's willy-nilly (disorganized) or pell mell (in a recklessly hurried manner). Nor does she wish to start a brouhaha (an uproar) or, worse, a hullaballoo (condition of noisy confusion). Mrs. G.P. fears that all of this jibber jabber (talk in a rapid and excited way that is difficult to understand) could give you a case of tintinnabulation (the sound of ringing), or worse, a headache. She would not want to leave you befuddled (confused) or flummoxed (bewildered) because of too much gobbledygook (meaningless or nonsensical language). On the other hand, Mrs. Grammar Person does not believe in mollycoddling anyone; she believes that would be feckless (irresponsible) of her and cause some scuttlebutt (gossip, rumors) among her fellow grammarians, some of whom (Mrs. G.P. hates to say it) tend to bloviate (speak pompously or brag).
Far be it from Mrs. Grammar Person to pull any shenanigans (foolish behavior) or engage in any form of skullduggery (deception or trickery). Au contraire! She simply wants you to enjoy the same mellifluous (sweet-sounding) words she does, laughing at how silly some of them sound.
As Mrs. Grammar Person sits by her pond pondering the pollywogs (which she refuses to call tadpoles), her mind drifts and she wonders whether a rose by any other name would truly smell as sweet. She leaves that to you to decide, for it is late and Mrs. G.P. must skedaddle (hurry off) as she has a dinner engagement with her new friend, Mr. Syntax. Until the next time, Mrs. Grammar Person bids you adieu!
Mrs. G.P. is sensing a scintilla of sympathy and an iota of interest from you, her devoted admirers, so she will explain her method lickety-split. She will not shillyshally (procrastinate) or dilly-dally (delay) or lollygag (dawdle) another minute, although she does not wish to proceed in a way that's willy-nilly (disorganized) or pell mell (in a recklessly hurried manner). Nor does she wish to start a brouhaha (an uproar) or, worse, a hullaballoo (condition of noisy confusion). Mrs. G.P. fears that all of this jibber jabber (talk in a rapid and excited way that is difficult to understand) could give you a case of tintinnabulation (the sound of ringing), or worse, a headache. She would not want to leave you befuddled (confused) or flummoxed (bewildered) because of too much gobbledygook (meaningless or nonsensical language). On the other hand, Mrs. Grammar Person does not believe in mollycoddling anyone; she believes that would be feckless (irresponsible) of her and cause some scuttlebutt (gossip, rumors) among her fellow grammarians, some of whom (Mrs. G.P. hates to say it) tend to bloviate (speak pompously or brag).
Far be it from Mrs. Grammar Person to pull any shenanigans (foolish behavior) or engage in any form of skullduggery (deception or trickery). Au contraire! She simply wants you to enjoy the same mellifluous (sweet-sounding) words she does, laughing at how silly some of them sound.
As Mrs. Grammar Person sits by her pond pondering the pollywogs (which she refuses to call tadpoles), her mind drifts and she wonders whether a rose by any other name would truly smell as sweet. She leaves that to you to decide, for it is late and Mrs. G.P. must skedaddle (hurry off) as she has a dinner engagement with her new friend, Mr. Syntax. Until the next time, Mrs. Grammar Person bids you adieu!
Check out my guest blog post!
Check out my guest post on, "Acting Up", a blog about life and lessons learned through the eyes of an actress. Carrie Lee Martz is a very talented actress and the narrator of my Jamie Quinn mysteries. Thanks, Carrie!
http://www.carrieleemartz.com/blog/gu...
http://www.carrieleemartz.com/blog/gu...
December 3, 2014
Check out this great review of my audiobooks by Mason Canyon!
What a beautiful blog! Check it out:
Thoughts in Progress-A place for my mind to gather its images
http://masoncanyon.blogspot.com/2014/...
Thoughts in Progress-A place for my mind to gather its images
http://masoncanyon.blogspot.com/2014/...
A Trip on the Mobius Strip
Whenever I see something funny or weird that you can relate to, I will share it. Anything that will make you smile, or shake your head, or wiggle your ears. I'd like to see that, by the way...
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