Barbara Venkataraman's Blog: A Trip on the Mobius Strip - Posts Tagged "middle-age"

She and I used to be so close, it seemed like we could read each other's thoughts. We knew all the same people, had the same hobbies, and enjoyed the same books--even our politics lined up. But that was before. When I saw her recently, she felt like a stranger. My first thought was, "Oh my God, you look so old!" I didn't say anything, of course, but she knew what I was thinking, it was all over my face. She looked so unhappy, too. I tried to smile and cheer her up, but she wasn't buying it.

Then, I decided to give her a pep talk about the good things in her life that had only come with the passage of time: the long friendships, the deep appreciation for nature, the poignancy of life itself. And how, when she was young, she couldn't understand the connectedness of everything, and how we are here for a higher purpose--to care for each other and lift each other up, to embrace a philosophy of loving kindness and compassion.

I explained that age isn't important at all, it's wisdom, knowledge and experience that matter.

I really thought I was getting through to her, making her see what life was all about, but then she spoke. She looked me right in the eye, those eyes with crow's feet imprinted on them, with an age spot on the left cheek, and said, "If you don't get me some Botox and a laser peel, sister, you'd better just cover all the mirrors in the house."

So I covered all the mirrors.

It all started with a loud sneeze. One minute I was chatting on the phone, and the next I was down on all fours, chanting “ow ow ow OW!” I had never thrown my back out before and I wondered if I would ever get off the floor. From this new perspective, I realized that I could now “keep my ear to the ground” and my “nose to the grindstone” with no effort at all. Eventually, the spasm subsided and I crawled to the bathtub to take a hot bath.

A few days later, a physical therapist recommended back exercises for me. Her favorite was “wall-sitting.” Wall-sitting is simply standing with your back to the wall and then bending your knees until you resemble a human chair. Then you stay that way as long as you can. She also recommended a half hour of Pilates. I vowed to wake up early every day to fit all of that in.


The next week I went to the dentist for a check-up. He told me that, at my age, I should brush twice daily, floss, use a Water Pik (like a pressure cleaner for your teeth) at night and then stimulate my gums with a rubber-tip between each tooth, front and back. I vowed to stay awake a half hour later every night so I could fit all of that in.


The next week I went for my annual check-up. My doctor told me that, at my age, I should be doing 30 minutes of aerobic exercise three times a week and also working out with weights to keep up my bone density. He added that if I wanted to remain flexible, I should start doing Yoga. I decided to give up my lunch hour and also wake up an hour earlier on the weekends so I could fit all of that in.


The next week, I went to the dermatologist for a check-up. She told me that, at my age, I should stay out of the sun at all costs and slather myself with sunscreen any time I saw the light of day. So, I bought a case of sunscreen and vowed to spend an extra fifteen minutes getting ready every morning so I could fit that in as well.


After a month of my new routine, I was so sleep-deprived that I started combining things so I could stay in bed longer. I became the “Queen of Efficiency.” I flossed my teeth while I practiced being a human chair; I rubbed sunscreen on while I jogged in place and I stimulated my gums with a rubber pick while holding a Yoga pose of a tree. Instead of lifting weights, I juggled the cans of beans as I was making dinner and carried the dog out of the kitchen. Finally, after I started doing deep knee bends while I brushed my teeth, I found I didn’t have to wake up early anymore. This getting older stuff is totally manageable; I don’t know why everyone complains about it. Excuse me, I feel a sneeze coming on…