Robin Helweg-Larsen's Blog, page 19

Stephen Kampa, ‘Someone Else’s Gift’

Always to long for someone else’s gift—
To blow that blistering alto sax, to lift
Into the flash-bulbed air

For a reverse slam dunk while stunned guards gawk,
To have a punster’s cheek or porn star’s cock,
To capture, share by share,

Gold-plated Wall Street fame, to meditate
Beyond nirvanic depths or radiate
Beatitudes of prayer

Like any frescoed saint, even to make
A perfect triple-decker dark-fudge cake
Or master the éclair—

Means answering a roguish shout we follow
Down some smashed-bottle alley to a hollow
Recess, a doorway, where

If luck has tailed us on that lonely walk,
When we knock, because we have to knock,
No one will be there.

*****

‘Someone Else’s Gift’ was first published in Literary Matters, and then in Best American Poetry 2024. As I was unable to capture the original indentation, I have taken the liberty of introducing line spaces as an alternative way of clarifying the structure; it will sound the same when read aloud… – RHL

Stephen Kampa has three books of poems: Cracks in the Invisible (Ohio University Press, 2011), Bachelor Pad (Waywiser Press, 2014), Articulate as Rain (Waywiser Press, 2018), and World Too Loud to Hear (Able Muse Press, 2023). He teaches at Flagler College in St. Augustine, FL and works as a musician.

Photos: “Dreams” by яғ ★ design is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.
“Dark Alley #2 [Explored]” by _Franck Michel_ is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Short poem: RHL, ‘Sassy, Classy’

Easy to be young and sassy;
add experience, and it’s classy.

*****

I have absolutely no idea what inspired this couplet. Be that as it may, it was published in The Asses of Parnassus in October – thanks, Brooke Clark!

Photo: “Cece 220223 (1)” by ceciliajaner is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.

Odd poem: Brian Bilston, ‘Brie Encounter’

the skies are gruyere since she left me
i’ve never felt so danish blue
caught between a roquefort and a hard cheese
i stilton’t know what to do

don’t give edam about the future
now my babybel’s walked out the door
can’t believe i’ve double gloucester
i camembert it any more

i’ve ricotta get myself together
and build my life back caerphilly
cheddar tear for the final time
say goodbye to us and halloumi

*****

Brian Bilston is “the Banksy of the poetry world”.
You can find a daily poem on Facebook, and his books here.

Photo: “Cheese, cheese, cheese” by kurafire is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.

Weekend read: Maryann Corbett, ‘A Valediction: of Maintenance Work’

Time was, we spent our muscle and our nous
propping an aging house
against the pummeling of its hundred years.
Clean paint, neat gardens, upkeep rarely in arrears,
sober as Donne. Yet now each year afresh
burdens us with new failings of the flesh:

Legs that once mounted ladders without qualm
tremble. Nor are we calm
confronting pipework; torsos will not shrink,
backs bend, or shoulders fold to grope below a sink.
Hands shake; eyeballs glaze over. What appalls
is that our bodies buckle like our walls:

plaque in arteries, soot in chimney stacks,
stubborn and troublous cracks
in teeth, in plaster. House! Ought we to call
ourselves—and you—new poster children for the Fall,
for that hard doctrine grumbling down the ages
that Sin’s to blame, with Death and Rot its wages?

Entropy as theology—would Donne
jape at it? Wink and pun
as in his randy youth? Or solemnly
robed in his winding sheet, sing Mutability,
spinning into the praise of God in Art
the fact that all things earthly fall apart?

Or pull from air some bit of modern science,
yoking (even by violence)
thermodynamics, shortened telomeres,
transplants, genetics, sex, the music of the spheres?
Strange physics and wild metaphors—all grand,
but Rot and Death, plain woes we understand,

are better fought with checkbooks than with verse.
We’ll sit, these days. We’ll nurse
our beers, while able bodies stir their dust.
A distant siren whines—we sigh; it whines for us.
Let plumbers, painters, carpenters begin
this season’s round of battling Death and Sin.

*****

Maryann Corbett writes: “Last summer, Clarence Caddell was just beginning work on a new magazine, The Borough, and was planning a second issue while the first came together. He had in mind an issue centered on Donne, and he commissioned me to contribute a poem. I’d read the wonderful biography Super-Infinite: The Transformations of John Donne by Katherine Rundell not many months before, so a lot of the life was fresh in my mind–but it was also the season of endless repair that is the eternal truth of owning a house that’s 113 years old.  It wasn’t hard to pull together a poem about the woes of home ownership with tidbits that “everyone knows” about Donne–his worldly-to-holy conversion, the familiar line about his yoked-by-violence metaphors–under an allusive title, and in a stanza form a bit like one of his. (Alas, this blog can’t show you the indents that would best imitate Donne’s way of laying out a poem. You’ll have to imagine all the trimeter second lines indented and the hexameter fourth lines hanging out farther left.) In the end, Clarence had to use the poem to fill out his first issue, so it sat alone, unassisted by an issue theme.”

Maryann Corbett earned a doctorate in English from the University of Minnesota in 1981 and expected to be teaching Beowulf and Chaucer and the history of the English language. Instead, she spent almost thirty-five years working for the Office of the Revisor of Statutes of the Minnesota Legislature, helping attorneys to write in plain English and coordinating the creation of finding aids for the law. She returned to writing poetry after thirty years away from the craft in 2005 and is now the author of two chapbooks and six full-length collections, most recently The O in the Air (Franciscan U. Press, 2023). Her work has won the Willis Barnstone Translation Prize and the Richard Wilbur Award, has appeared in many journals on both sides of the Atlantic, and is included in anthologies like Measure for Measure: An Anthology of Poetic Meters and The Best American Poetry.

Photo: “House Repairs” by JessNityaJess is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

Susan McLean, ‘Home Economics’

Like other teenage girls in ‘65,
I learned to knit, embroider, and crochet,
so if I’m teleported back in time
a century or two, I’ll do okay.

I learned the way to wrap a package neatly,
to tie a range of plain and froufrou bows,
to minimize my body flaws discreetly,
using the cut and pattern of my clothes.

I also learned to iron, hem, and baste,
to sew on zippers, trim, and appliqué,
to choose a hairdo that would suit my face—
and nothing that I ever use today.

*****

Susan McLean writes: “In the mid-Sixties, the times were changing, but the education of teenage girls was not. In junior high school home economics classes, which girls were required to take, the girls were trained in sewing and cooking skills as preparation for their future roles as wives and mothers. The ideas that men might need to know any of those skills or that women might have full-time careers were not considered. In addition to teaching girls domestic skills, the classes served to reinforce the gender roles and expectations of the time (which had not changed significantly from those of the previous few centuries).

“I slightly overstate my case when I say that I never use anything now that I learned in the two years of sewing classes I took. I still wrap a package and sew on a button occasionally, but I had learned both of those skills well before I took the classes. And even when I was taking the classes, I was already determined to have a career of my own. I petitioned successfully to be allowed to skip the cooking classes so that I could take art classes in their place (though, ironically or not, I am now an enthusiastic home cook). I didn’t mind learning various sewing skills, which had an artistic side, but I had no interest in spending a lot of time using them afterwards, and the view of my options that the classes conveyed was quite dispiriting. No one foresaw how radically the roles of many women would be changing soon afterwards. But I am very glad that they changed.

“The rhymed quatrains that the poem is written in are a standard poetic form, though the mix of slant rhymes with true rhymes suggests an underlying dissonance that ties in with the poem’s themes. The poem originally appeared in the online journal Umbrella and was later published in my second poetry book, The Whetstone Misses the Knife.”

Susan McLean has two books of poetry, The Best Disguise and The Whetstone Misses the Knife, and one book of translations of Martial, Selected Epigrams. Her poems have appeared in Light, Lighten Up Online, Measure, Able Muse, and elsewhere. She lives in Iowa City, Iowa.
https://www.pw.org/content/susan_mclean

Photo: “Home Economics Class at Elgin Court School, St. Thomas, 1961” by Elgin County Archives is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

RHL, ‘Boy With Scab’

The boy he’s always been still takes delight
In testing scabs on elbows, knees,
To see if fingernails can assert their right
To lift with satisfying ease
The lid from off the mystery healing box
And see the flesh beneath the skin
Where the wise body-mind slowly unlocks
Corpuscles and white pus within.
The hint of pain, like some itch that you scratch,
Is fun alongside look-and-see.
What does the boy do with that useless patch,
The scab? Easy: autophagy.

*****

Curiosity is a useful aspect of intelligence. This poem first published in Lighten Up Online (aka LUPO). Thanks, Jerome Betts!

Photo: “War Stories” by Noël Zia Lee is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Poems on poems: Ogden Nash, ‘The Collector’

I met a traveler from an antique show,
His pockets empty, but his eyes aglow.
Upon his back, and now his very own,
He bore two vast and trunkless legs of stone.
Amid the torrent of collector’s jargon
I gathered he had found himself a bargain,
A permanent conversation piece post-prandial,
Certified genuine early Ozymandial
And when I asked him how he could be sure,
He showed me P. B. Shelley’s signature.

*****

Ogden Nash‘s teasing take on Shelley’s Ozymandias is collected in ‘The Old Dog Barks Backwards’.

Photo: “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone” by skittledog is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

Unforgettable nonsense: Anon, ‘I Eat My Peas With Honey’

I eat my peas with honey;
I’ve done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.

*****

The staying power of well-turned nonsense rhymes is testament to the value of rhythm and rhyme for keeping something intact, perfectly remembered. The poem’s joke is well done, with a good punchline; but the word-for-word memorability comes from the magic of verse.

The Poetry Foundation recognises this poem as having been recited in the American comedy/quiz show ‘It Pays to Be Ignorant‘ on 2nd February 1944 (or more likely 7th February 1944), you can hear Harry McNaughton read it here, and my guess is that he (or another of the show’s writers) was the author. Apparently some people have thought it was written by Shel Silverstein (1930-1999), but this is denied by his Estate and its archivists. Others in the US have stated it is by Ogden Nash. In the UK it has been labeled as Spike Milligan’s. It is an object lesson in optimistic (i.e. false) attribution. But even in Arnold Silcock’s collection ‘Verse and Worse’ (Faber & Faber, 1952) it is only credited to Anonymous… whose birth was a long time ago, and whose death is not expected any time soon.

Photo: “I eat peas with honey – Day 101 of Project 365” by purplemattfish is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

Resources, updated: 50 formal-friendly poetry magazines

It can be difficult for a formalist to find a home for their poetry. Some of the best-known and longest-established poetry magazines have either changed (often under a new editor) from being receptive to being hostile towards formal verse (e.g. Ambit, in the UK); others are receptive, but only to already well known poets (e.g. Poetry, in the US). For what it’s worth, here is a list of places where I have been able to publish 400 of my own uneven and very varied pieces (plus several where I’m still unpublished, but you may be a better fit), with some comments about what is appropriate for where.

14 Magazine – UK: 14-line poems… sonnets etc.
32 Poems – US
Alabama Literary Review – US: lyrical, positive; only takes snailmail submissions (unless you have a genuine need for email)
Alchemy Spoon – UK
Allegro – UK: contemporary, looking for more formal submissions than they receive
Amethyst Review – US: “with a connection to spirituality and the sacred”, meaning very Christian
Amsterdam Quarterly – Netherlands, English-language: must address the issue’s theme
Asses of Parnassus – Canada: short, witty, formal poems, snarky is fine, hosted on Tumblr.
Bad Lilies – UK
Bewildering Stories – Canada/UK/US: speculative and science fiction pieces
Blue Unicorn – US: prefers formal but will take other work
Bombay Literary Magazine – India
The Borough – Australia: new in 2024, committed formalist
Brazen Head – UK: ideas-rich
Carmen et Error – UK: “a poem and a mistake”…
Cerasus – UK
Chained Muse – US: prefers classical themes
Consequence – US: addressing the impact of war
Consilience – UK/US/Canada: poems on science (themed)
Crow and Cross Keys – UK: speculative, gothic, folk… should sound as good as it reads
Dawntreader – UK: “myth, legend; in the landscape, nature; spirituality and love; the mystic, the environment”
Empty House – US: abandoned spaces (mental and physical), historical sense
Eye To The Telescope – US: SF, themed: Nov 2024 is “(Non-)Binaries”
Grand Little Things – US: “Returning versification to verse”
Griffith Review – Australia: themed
iamb – UK: audio recordings
Juniper – Canada: would like to see more formal submissions
Libretto – Nigeria: prefers African/Afro-American/Afro-European/post-colonial pieces
Light – US: large biannual issue, also the home of weekly topical light verse
Lighten Up Online (LUPO) – UK: light formal verse, quarterly
Lyric – US: “Founded in 1921, The Lyric is the oldest magazine in North America in continuous publication devoted to traditional poetry.” Lyrical, positive… flowers and countryside.
Magma – UK: themed (‘Ownership’ for November 2024)
Metverse Muse – India: publishes simple traditional verse. No website. The email for editor Dr. Tulsi is metverse_muse@yahoo.com
New Criterion – US: conservative
New Verse Review – US: new in 2024, impressive
Obsessed With Pipework – UK: “strangeness and charm… prefers dreams to deathbeds”
Orbis – UK: (Editor may suggest/request multiple edits, but will accept your decision.)
Orchards Poetry Journal – US: more rural than urban
Oxford Poetry – UK
Penwood Review – US: religious streak
Poetry Porch – US: lyrical
Pulsebeat Poetry Journal – US: more urban than rural
Rat’s Ass Review – US: irreligious streak; whatever appeals to the editor, including NSFW things you can’t get published elsewhere.
Rattle – US: large print circulation, a variety of different opportunities
Road Not Taken: The Journal of Formal Poetry – US: hard to find online because of its name, but a good small publication for formal and semi-formal verse.
Shot Glass Journal – US: max 16 lines, equally weighted between US and international poets
Snakeskin – UK: probably the longest-established poetry zine in the world; has no interest in submission bios, only in the poems; likes work that begins light and becomes heavier.
Sonnet Scroll – US: a sonnet-specialized alcove on the Poetry Porch
The HyperTexts (THT) – US: an enormous assemblage of verse from all times and places; the editor’s personal preference for formal and leftist verse doesn’t rule out selections by Walt Whitman or Ronald Reagan! The works are mostly republications, but if you have a body of strong work the editor may be interested in creating a page for you.
Think – US: formalist, conservative, Christian
Verse-Virtual – US: a monthly publication for a caring community of poets
Visions International – US: I’m not sure what the status is of this magazine these days, or who is editing it…
and finally:
Wergle-Flomp Humor Poetry Contest, No Fee – US: $3,750 in prize money

This list doesn’t include magazines not relevant for me (like Mezzo Cammin: An Online Journal of Formalist Poetry by Women), or that moved away from formalism and no longer publish me (like Ambit, and Star*Line), or that have unfortunately folded (14 by 14, Better Than Starbucks, Bosphorus Review of Books, Candelabrum, The Rotary Dial, Unsplendid), or that show no apparent interest in formal verse in current issues despite their guidelines (3rd Wednesday, Westchester Review).

And there must be a lot of worthy magazines that I simply haven’t run across – let me know!

And of course, as ever, don’t just fire off a handful of poems at random – read some samples online, determine the magazine’s orientation and moods, check whether the editor wants anything particular, note whether they love or loathe attachments, etc…

Good luck!

Photo: “Magazines” by theseanster93 is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.

Unforgettable nonsense: Samuel Wilberforce, ‘If I Were a Cassowary’

If I were a cassowary
On the plains of Timbuctoo
I would eat a missionary,
Cassock, bands, and hymn-book too.

*****

Yes, cassowaries are from Australia and New Guinea, and Timbuktu is in Africa… but so what? The rhymes are too good to ignore. ‘Bands’, btw, refers to the pseudo-necktie thingies that priest-types and lawyer-types affect in some countries – little cloth flaps, plural because you wear two of them.

The probable author is Bishop Samuel “Soapy Sam” Wilberforce, best known nowadays for debating  Thomas Henry Huxley on evolution in 1860. Huxley (Aldous Huxley’s grandfather) was commonly referred to as ‘Darwin’s bulldog’. Wilberforce is remembered for his question as to whether it was through his grandmother or his grandfather that Huxley considered himself descended from a monkey. Huxley is said to have replied that he would not be ashamed to have a monkey for his ancestor, but he would be ashamed to be connected with a man who used his great gifts to obscure the truth.  Apparently everyone enjoyed the debate, and they all went off happily to dinner together afterwards.

Cassowaries are more formidable than either Wilberforce or Huxley. Standing over six feet tall, capable of running at 30 mph (and good swimmers in rivers and sea), and able to leap and strike chest-high with razor-sharp 5-inch talons, they are omnivores not to be confronted. Yes, they might well eat a missionary. Also, the cassowary’s bands are more impressive.

Photo: “Cassowary at the Budapest zoo” by brenkee is marked with CC0 1.0.