Devri Walls's Blog, page 2

Trust, where has it gone?

Ok, I have a beef. Half of you will share my beef and the other half will tell me that I shouldn’t judge. Feel free to tell me which half you are. [image error]

I hate, hate, HATE that I cannot just help people without having to question their motives. For example: a couple of weeks ago I was shopping. On my way out of Walmart there was a red van parked in the very back of the parking lot with a cardboard sign on the back that said, “Help, out of Gas.” There was a lady in the car while her husband stood up near the corner with another sign, stating that they was out of gas. Now, some of you are rolling your eyes. Really, Devri? And you fell for it? Ok, I kinda did. New ploy, hadn’t seen it. My husband, on the other hand, was rock solid and refused to let me help.

Today I go to the same Walmart and what do I see? The same red van, opposite side of the parking lot, wife in car happily munching on chips, husband on corner with a sign, “Out of Gas, please help.” Really? Really? What a strange and bizarre coincidence that you would run out of gas- IN THE EXACT SAME SPOT!

I am so frustrated that I cannot just trust people. I hate than I have to question everyone’s motives. And who gets screwed? The person that actually needed the help. I cannot afford to give money to everyone, so if I am going too, I want it to go to someone who is actually in need. Someone who is not working the system. It makes me mad, and breaks my heart all at the same time. Because I can’t know.

I don’t know if they are really in need, if they are really out of gas, if they have their kids sitting next to them because the situation is really that bad, or just because they have no shame and will use their own children to manipulate you. I just don’t know. So what happens? I do what most of you do. Nothing. I do give to organizations that I trust to distribute it to those truly in need. But, sometimes I just wish I could trust someone when they tell me they are in need and just help.

This is me- today.

I am having one of those days where I just cannot pretend to be like everyone else. Most the time I can. I am actually fairly good at it. I will smile, laugh, talk and you will have no idea that I am pretty much miserable. But today, I am paying the price for my dietary choices. And as my body detoxes, my Ankylosing Spondylitis kicks up. ( Yeeeahh, sounds fun huh? You’ll have to look it up.) My back is screaming at me, four Tylenol just laughed at me, (you think we take care of that? Dream on little girl) and I just want to go to bed.

But I can’t. Because I have a life and kids and obligations. If I hold on, I know it will get better. But today…. Ugh- today, I am tired of pretending. I am putting too much energy into not crying to pretend.

So, for all of you invisible dieses carriers. Lupus, MS-the list is lengthy. I understand. I know what it’s like to look great on the outside, while your insides are falling apart. And nobody knows why you’re a little snappy one day, they don’t understand that your pain level is off the charts.

That being said- to all your people who suffer in invisible silence, don’t let it beat you! I will get up tomorrow- or maybe the next day, and it is ON! My life will not be defined by my disease and I will not use it as an excuse to not accomplish my dreams.

Netflix. Love or hate?

Netflix. I have a love/hate relationship with Netflix. You see, I have never been a huge T.V watcher. I would watch maybe five to seven hours a month. So, I didn’t think it was that big of deal when we shut off the cable to trim costs. Although, I was a little bummed that my project runway days were over. ( P.S- I miss you project runway! )

And then Netflix came into my life. I have never watched so much T.V in my dang life. Helloooo Vampire Diaries. Did I watch ALL sixty six episodes over the course of two and a half weeks? Yes, yes I did. It was so bad in fact that although I always call my husband to tell him goodnight, I purposefully skipped a night because I was too embarrassed to tell him I was still watching T.V at 1:30 in the morning.. It should be noted he leaves for work at eight.

You have to understand, I have a love of a story! I have to read a book in a day because if I don’t finish it I can’t sleep. My brain tries to figure out the ending. Now Netflix has given me sixty six episodes of a story, with no commercials, and I don’t have to wait until next week to watch more. Do you see my problem? I avoided a lot of sitcoms, not because they were not good, but because the drawn out story makes me twitchy.

Put me on Netflix and I’m like a drug addict. When that ‘watch next episode button’ comes up you can here my talking to myself; “Just one more, lets see what time is it? 12:00. Well, the without the commercials the episode is only 45 minutes. I can still be in bed by one. Ok, just one more. But that’s it! No more after this one.” (Occasionally this conversation is repeated when that one is over as well)

People keep telling me new shows I need to watch on Netflix. I have started doing the mental equivalent of putting my hands of my ears and shouting, Nah, nah, nah, nah- I can’t heeeeeaaar you! It’s survival people, I’m sorry.

All right, what do you guys think? Netflix- Heaven or Productivity Hell?

Cover Reveal!

Alright guys, here it is! The amazing cover for book two in the Solus Trilogy, Wings of Tavea! The art is done by the amazing Claudia, of Phatpuppy Art. And here is the Synopsis- Enjoy!

Kiora is rapidly learning that evil and lies come in shades of black and white and swirling greys, but nothing could have prepared her for the shock of leaving Meros.

Kiora and her protector Emane step through the pass into a world they never knew existed but were always meant to save, only to find it far worse than they could have ever imagined. Good has been forced into hiding for its own survival, while the rest of the land bows to the Shadow, a force that pushes any remaining thoughts of Dralazar from Kiora’s mind. This land is full of new creatures, each more dangerous than the last. Her visions have taken on a deadly twist, and magic, or what comes of it, was never so real. And then there is Alcander: a Tavean, their guide, and an entirely different kind of trouble.

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My indie author plea!

In my dreams this post will reach everyone and anyone that needs it and they will realize the error of their ways. In reality this post will probably only be read by those who are not in need and it will whither and die in the oblivion of the internet. Regardless, I am posting it anyway.

I am an Indie Author. What does that mean? It means I chose to go with an independent publishing house where I could keep control of my own work and have the opportunity to make a living catering to a niche market instead of fitting into the boxes the big publishing houses tell me they need me in, in order to make enough money to pay for their enormous staff and overpriced services. It was a gamble on my part, but a conscience choice.

What else does it mean? It means I am now put in a group that has a stigma on our heads. There are two stigmas; one is that the book must suck, because if it didn’t it would have been published by a traditional publisher. A view, I feel, was perpetuated by those traditional publishers in an absolute panic as indie authors outsold their authors. A view that is also, most unfortunately, perpetuated by indie and self published authors putting out garbage. Manuscripts that have not been edited, covers that are laughable and down right sad.

And now comes the stigma of being unprofessional, rude and hostile. Why? Because so many indies have lashed out against negative reviews of their work and people’s refusal to read their work because they are indie. This is what I would really like to address today. My thoughts are this; Shut up.

Ok, that wasn’t very nice. But I ask -when was the last time you saw Tom Cruise or Julia Roberts respond to a ripping review of their movie? How often do those made famous by any number of professions fight back against the negativity? Not very often. Because when they do the public does not respond well. It does not help them or their cause; it just breeds a whole new firestorm.

Indie Authors, if you cannot handle the heat get out of the fire!!! If you cannot keep your mouth shut this is not the business for you. I am new to this business. Have I been hurt?  Sure. Have I been irritated, absolutely. Would I like to give some people a piece of my mind? Yea. Can I? NO! No, no, no NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Not only do you make yourself look ridiculous you make the rest of us look bad too. Do people look at you and say, “Author Fred over here is a real jerk.” Well, ok yes, they do that too. But next they say, “Fred is an indie author. Fred is a jerk. Therefore all indie authors are jerks.” Does it suck that this happens? Heck yes it sucks. Doesn’t change anything though.

Here are my tips for a healthy indie career. Now it should be noted that I cannot yet give tips on how to not be crazy at home, because I still haven’t mastered that yet. Hubby threatened to not let me write any more if I couldn’t stop freaking out. (He’s right. Must. Figure. Out!!! ) But as far as the internet goes, I think I am good to go. Here is my list. 1.) If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. 2.)Say thank you, a lot! 3.)Love the people that love you, be kind to everyone else. 4.)Be a person, a friend. 5.)And for the love of everything holy- please please please stop calling people out. Stop ranting and setting up attacking blog posts and goodreads groups. It is not professional.

I understand it’s not always fair guys. I understand some people can be cruel. But is that any different than life? Is it really any different that you walking out of a movie and writing a blog post yourselves about how it was the WORST MOVIE EVER! You think its ok because it is impersonal to you. Well guess what, you are impersonal to them. You are an author, working in a field that was meant to be critiqued by personal and immeasurable means. It is what it is. People will unfairly hate you. Just as people will love you beyond what your book probably merited.

Please, for my own good as well as your own, be nice! Be nice to the readers, nice to the book bloggers, nice to the tweeps posting about your work. They are not perfect, neither are you.

Stop it!!!

Reality. It’s a funny word, and one I am beginning to question. Everyone has their own reality based on their own life, their experiences, and where they are standing. Even if an event is viewed in the same way, it is taken differently. And yet somehow we all walk around with the belief that our reality, or our perception, is the only reality. That we are ‘right’ regardless of anyone else’s opinion.

And now with the internet and its ability to let you comment on everything and anything. Often anonymously, opinions are voiced as if they are gospel. Realities laid out as if they are scripture. And with so much anger and so vehemently.

This blog post went on for another four paragraphs. But my husband tells me it doesn’t sound very nice. Which is unfortunate because this is my second attempt. The first one he told me I shouldn’t post either. Sigh.

SO- this is what I would like to say. Stop judging each other. Stop yelling at others via the internet. Please. And since that is all I am going to be able to clear past the drill sergeant over here, that is all.

Michael ONE-day blog tour!

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Today I am participating in a one day blog tour for Aaron Patterson’s sequel to Airel. Have you guys read Airel yet? It is SHOOTING up Amazon’s charts! And here is number two in the series, Michael. It’s loaded with love, angels, demons and great action. Check it out! 

You can buy Michael, Book 2 in the Airel Saga HERE

 

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Make sure to leave a comment below! The blog with the most comments will win a Kindle Fire, which I would love to have!

This is a really fun blog hop- check out all the other blogs that are participating!

 

Why do you need to charge me??

Alright, this is not about writing.. at all! But this is my blog and that gives me free reign, BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Today I am going to rant about something totally ridiculous that makes me crazy. Are you all ready for this?

Lets say you go out to eat. You order a, hamburger lets say. Then you ask if they can cook it medium? Sure. And then you ask, "Can I get extra tomatoes on that?" Sure, but it will be an extra dollar. WHAT?!

Ok listen, I know you are a business, I know you need to make money. Believe me, I get it. I own my own business, the little stuff adds up. However, and this is my giant however. When is the last time you heard an order go like this?

"May I have a hamburger please, medium well."

"Sure."

"And take off the lettuce."

"Sure, that will reduce the price of your burger by 50 cents."

"Really? Great, also take off the tomatoes and pickles."

"No problem, that is minus another 1.50. Congratulations, your 6 dollar burger is now only 4!"

"YES!!!"

No, that will never happen. They will charge you for every single topping, even if you take them all off, every time. If you asked them what discount you'll be receiving for your missing vegetables they would look at you like you were an alien.

Now, lets say I walk in and the people before me have taken off their tomatoes, lettuce and whatever else the crazy people have decided doesn't taste good on a hamburger, and I ask for an extra tomato. What in the name of this great wide earth makes them think they need to charge me for it! Seriously people!

Alright, I am done. You may now go on with your life of removing items from meals, getting no credit for it, and paying for things you didn't eat. While the rest of us have to pay for what you already paid for and left in the back.

Why I love this. AND…. COVER REVEAL!

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. The stress level was running a bit high in my neck of the woods. But I am breathing again and moving on.(I keep repeating that to myself.) And in my now, much calmer state I had an epiphany I wanted to share with you.

There was a time where my lack of artistic and crafty talent left me quite upset. I wanted to draw so badly when I was little I could taste it! Despite the fact that I clearly had other talents, it was all I wanted and it would make me so sad that I couldn't. Now, when I say I "couldn't do it" I am SO not kidding. This girl can't draw a straight line with a ruler. And sadly, I am being quite literal about that statement. Still can't. I am sure it would be wildly amusing to watch me try. I see beautiful things in my head, but when I bring a pencil to paper it looks a little like a second grader did it. As I got older I finally gave up, realizing that; no matter how badly I wanted it, it was never going to happen.

Then came the crafting. My mother is pretty good at it, as are 90 percent of the people I know. They make goods for their homes, repurpose furniture, decoupage their little hearts out. I tried for a long time. Because again, I could see in my mind this beautiful thing. And yet, try as I might it just never came out how I saw it. It was never as perfect, as symmetrical, or as artistic as everyone else's. SIgh- one more thing I couldn't do. So, I threw the towel in there as well, realizing that it didn't make me happy so I wasn't going to stress about it.

Then this week I realized what it was about these activities that drew me too them in the first place. I wanted to CREATE! I mean really create something beautiful and new. Something that I could hold in my hand and say, "I did this! This right here, is what I thought of and created it." For years I thought that I was not blessed with the abilities to make it so.

But now, ooooooh now- I have finally figured out why writing makes me so happy. I bet you can guess. YES! Because I can CREATE! Not just a decoupaged box that sits on my shelf. I can create people, things, situations. Entire worlds are at the mercy of my creative whims. There is no limit to what I can write. If I can see it, think it or imagine it, it can be mine. I can type it down, tweak it and twist it until my creation is perfect. Until it is exactly what I wanted. And for the first time I can step back and look at my creation and say; yes, it is good. I am a writer now, and I can't shut it off. I will not make it stop. I will keep creating and dreaming and seeing. I will be that creator that I always wanted to be.

And now, guess what? I have a cover reveal for you all! Below is the Cover to my upcoming creation, Wings of Arian. Enjoy!! 

Spread Love, Not Hate

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. It has struck me how grossly inaccurate that little saying is. We have used it in the past to bind ourselves up, to shield our minds and our hearts against the words that try to tear us down. But the ugly truth is; words have the potential to hurt us far worse than being harmed physically.

Physical wounds heal. It may take days, or weeks. But the cuts will heal, bruises will fade and the skin will return to its normal perfect state. But words; words are destructive. They slice to the core. Even as the outside heals, the inside festers and putrefies under the damage. The infection takes up residence in the brain where it continues to replay those words that cut us over and over again. We even make new words as the infection grows, eating us from from the inside out. Words, are dangerous. Words, are powerful. And bullies wield them like swords.

As a victim of bullying I have special experience with this type of word putrification.  For years I was teased and harassed. Told I was fat, and ugly and worthless. Day after day riding the bus to school, and then back again, was my own living hell. It carried on into junior high where one girl in particular bullied me relentlessly. My parents, trying to protect me, called the school. The girl was taken into the office, talked to, and then waited outside class for me to come out. When I did, she promptly slammed my head into the locker and told me if I ever said anything to my parents again, there would be worse. To be honest, the head slam into the locker was the least painful thing I experienced. Because that pain eventually left me. But those words, played back for years.

At 33 years old I still fight old demons. Remnant demonic words whispered and taunted by childhood bullies. You're fat, you're ugly, you're not worth it!! I am stronger than some, and grateful for it. Because of that, I have fought against these words, trying to lessen their hold on me. Others are not so lucky, and spiral into those hateful words, sinking into a deep hole so great that they never climb out. Others see only one way out of the hole and take their lives. I can't say that I never thought about it. Not seriously enough to carry through with it, but yes, the thoughts were there.

In this age of the internet, bullying has gotten worse. Not only do the bullies peruse it looking for their victims, intent on infiltrating every part of their life's. But now others, who would not consider themselves bullies are participating. The lack of face to face contact looses their tongues. People think that they can, and should say whatever they want about whoever they want. Passive aggressive, and down right aggressive attacks are being launched on Facebook, Twitter, and blogs. Those biting words you offer to the world so carelessly are just as hurtful and painful as the children on a school bus mercilessly taunting a little girl. They still burn and fester. And you do not have the right to wield your words so carelessly. You have no idea what the impact of your words will be. Will it prevent that person from a greatness they might have achieved without your poison running through them? Will it cause them to cut their lives short? Will it turn them into bullies themselves, perpetrating your work ever onward?

Please, help us heighten the awareness of bullying. Can you make someone stop bullying? Not always. But, use your words! Those words have just as much power for good, as evil. Speak up, do good! Help us spread love. I know that the only antidote I found powerful enough to truly break through the festering infection from the bullies' words, was the love of my husband. A man who has patiently repeated over and over to me how beautiful I am, how wonderful I am, and that I am capable of anything. He has fought this battle with me for nearly ten years. Now, the voices in my head are merely whispers most days. Thanks to my husband and the power of his words giving me the strength to wage the battle myself. Be that antidote to those around you, lift them up. Words are a great responsibility, be ever mindful of how you use them.