Riley Murphy's Blog, page 39
July 14, 2012
Now Read more of the BDSM Blog Hop Give Away! Hosted By The Playroom Authors!
**Just click on the beautiful gal to get to all the other sites for chances to win prizes***
You might be into BDSM. If this gets your blood pumping…
If you’ve thought about doing this for your man…
Or this…
And, what better way to figure that out than to read about it. This Blog Hop is the perfect place to start. There’s prizes and give aways. So don’t forget to check all the other sites hosting this deliciously dirty event.
For mine? All you have to do is leave me a comment and at the end of the Hop I’ll be picking one commentor to win a copy of my debut novel Reclaimed Surrender. It’s that easy and best part? It doesn’t matter what part of the world you hail from. But first, I want to share my thoughts about one aspect of BDSM that really gets me thinking.BONDAGE
My Motto?
A LITTLE BDSM BONDAGE IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL
‘It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure.’ Marquis de Sade
I believe this to be true, but I don’t believe the main attraction is the pain or bondage. Those things are the catalyst that will propel the individual to their ultimate pleasure which I’d define as knowing someone has complete control over you, deciding what you’ll do, hear, touch, taste, smell and feel. It’s this kind of catharsis that brings the coveted euphoria.
Meh, don’t worry. I’m not going to go all Freud on the topic, I just think it’s interesting that some people literally have to be tied up to be truly free. Anyway, *shakes self* where was I? Oh yeah…
I want to talk about bondage as it’s a simple and tangible action that draws out a very emotional or intrinsic response. By being restrained, held captive and corralled an individual’s choice and reason is removed from the equation. Intellect is powerless to war against long repressed desires. Quite simply, the individual is free from the *self* that has held them back.
This aspect of BDSM is what I love to explore with my characters. Bondage that actually opens the mental prison cell of an individual, freeing this person, which ironically leads them to the most poignant sexual epiphany they’ll ever experience if it’s done right. It’s the how to do it right that I focus on because there is a lot that can go wrong if you’re not paying attention. Communication is the key. Honest communication no matter how embarrassing.
This is why I say bondage is good for the soul. It allows you to bare that soul to your captor/dominant/lover and when that trusted person embraces this most precious part of you there’s no feeling more empowering in the world.
What are your thoughts on bondage? Why would someone want to be tied? Or why does someone want to tie up another person? Have you done it? If so did you like it? If not, why not? I’ll spill in comments if you do. >:)
Riley
Here is an excerpt from my soon-to-be-released book, Reluctant Surrender. My hero Ethan has talked my heroine, Colin, into doing BDSM tapas. (small bites of various scenes of power exchange) In this one they’re playing Abductor/abductee.
He came directly to the table, dropping what she thought were metal keys on it. She feared the klunk had deafened her until she heard him ask, “Are you going to come out so I can have a look at you?” He collapsed to his haunches, elbows resting on his knees. “Or do I have to reach under there and pull you out?”
His hair was different, messy, and he’d changed his top. Gone was the pristine white dress shirt of a few minutes ago and in its place was a black, totally-molded-to-him T. He looked the part of a super-sexy bouncer, which wasn’t so intimidating. Why, if he weren’t scowling, she’d be creaming her jeans right now.
“Come on, we don’t have all night. The buyers will be here in less than two hours and I need to see what I’ve got to sell them.”
She was crawling toward him when his words made her pause. “Buyers?”
He lunged for her but she skittered away, going for a side exit. “I’m not for sale.”
“I think you are.”
Getting out from under the table she shot up and spun around. He was standing now too and damn him, he looked much taller but she wasn’t going to be intimidated. “I’ve got money. I can pay you better than whatever those buyers will.”
“Oh, yeah, I know how much Little Ms. Rich Bitch has in the bank. It’s not your money I want.”
Hmm. Her shoulders slumped as she held back a sigh. She was kind of disappointed they’d arrived here so fast. “So, you’ll let me go if I sleep with you?”
“Sleep with you? What I’m going to do to you doesn’t involve any sleeping and no I’m not going to let you go.”
“No?” This was a surprise twist.
“No. As of right now I own you. Every square inch of you is mine to use, abuse and sell. It’s up to you which one of those three things you don’t want to happen to you tonight. Because after everything your family has put me through, I can assure you, two of those three things I’ve definitely made time in the schedule for.”
She swallowed and her chin came up. “Which two?”
His voice went silky. “Guess.”
The room all of a sudden felt small and the tiny bed looked big and the pillar with those hooks—she tried to contain her mounting panic—scared the ever-loving crap out of her. “You’re just trying to frighten me. What could you possibly hope to gain other than money or sex from me?”
The relief she experienced when he smiled was short-lived as he said, “There it is. That snobby attitude that apparently runs through your family. Do you really think you can equate your screwed-up values with what you perceive my needs to be?” He sat down on the table and crossed his arms over his chest. “If I were you I’d start worrying because I can get laid anytime I want to and as far as money is concerned? I have enough to keep me comfortable for two consecutive lifetimes.”
“Revenge? It’s revenge isn’t it?” Knowing she couldn’t barter or beg her way out of this left one option open to her. She needed to cut and run. This might be a possibility if she could keep him talking long enough to plan a route to the door.
“Revenge is the small scale, I should think.”
She counted the strides she’d need to make, half-listening. “Really?”
“Yes, because if I only wanted revenge I would have tanked your family’s company and bankrupted them.”
Those words got her attention. “Wait, if you have the power to do all that, why are we here?”
“Because that would have been too easy on them.”
Too easy? “And what do you determine as being more difficult?”
“Their precious, spoiled princess, humbled. Either by me or some other man, until she forgets them and cares about nothing else in life. Sees nothing else but her Master while she presents to him naked on her knees every day from this day forward.”
“Master, huh? I get it.” Now she was covertly mapping out her escape route. “You have a God complex.”
“And you have a death wish.”
Her eyes flickered toward that solitary exit. She bit her lip, gauging what she needed to do to get there.
“Go ahead,” he whispered.
His quiet tone unnerved her. “What?”
“Let’s see if you can make it to the door.”
He was staring at her in such a way that she thought it best not to respond.
“Go on. If you do make it you’re free to go. I swear.”
He swore all right, he also dropped his arms as if he were preparing to launch himself off the table to go after her at a moment’s notice.
“And if I don’t make it?” she had to ask.
“Let’s just say you’ll never forget what I do to you tonight.”
July 10, 2012
BDSM IN A MARRIAGE. THE TRUTH.
At least the way I see it. Please note I am an author not a
therapist. Life coach? Occasionally, but no psychiatrist. That said, I’ve found
myself drawn into some interesting conversations with women since publishing
Reclaimed Surrender , so I’d thought I’d share one of the prevalent themes from
those conversations.
Here I am speaking on the topic with a friend of mine
who admited she wants to sprinkle a little spice in her married life.
BDSM hopeful, “Is it possible?”
Me, “Hell yeah.”
“But I’m worried if I bring up the subject with my husband he’ll
think I’m dirty.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“Well, no. Yes. I don’t know.”
“That’s why I’d recommend you discuss your needs with your
man.”
“But it’s embarrassing.”
“Hmm… So you’d rather remain comfortable and unfilled, than
brave one tough talk and have years of sexual bliss. That’s just plain crazy.”
“I keep thinking about the things I want him to do to me. If
I tell him about these things, he’ll think I’m crazy.”
Me pondering for no more than a millisecond. “Nope. I’d put
money on he’ll thank you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You want to know how I know this?”
BDSM hopeful vigorously nods.
Time to impart the pearls of wisdom. “Most men are clueless.
More’s to the point? They’re just as horny if not hornier than most
women. So by my calculations, you have a better than 80% shot of getting the
sexual deviant of your dreams if you’re willing to share your secret desires
with him.”
“I’m not sure I can. They’re so…so not proper. He’ll think
I’m a slut.”
Time to break feminine ranks here and pull reality out of
the proverbial petticoat. “He wants you to be a slut. Better yet, he wants
you to be his slut. Now, if you like the sound of that you best start talking
to him.”
“Do you think it’s wrong if a woman wants to be treated like
a slut by her husband?”
“I could say here that it doesn’t matter what I think,
because it doesn’t, but I’ll answer you so we’re clear on this. My philosophy
on this is twofold. If you want it, make it happen. Change and growth are always
good things in marriage. With that said, I also believe there is nothing – I
repeat — nothing wrong with treating a person the way they want to be treated.”
“What do you mean by that?”
I stare right at her. “If you want to be spanked, tied-up,
humiliated, poked, prodded or examined by your husband and your husband’s up
for the challenge? It’s nobody’s business but your own.”
Geez. After having a discussion about how she could break the ice
with her guy I was left scratching my head. Did we or did we not, (women I
mean) have a sexual revolution? I got the memo. Anyone else?
Question is, would you rather not communicate your desires
and save yourself the perceived embarrassment or take the bite out of the big
kink sandwich and be sexually satisfied for the rest of your life?
Riley
therapist. Life coach? Occasionally, but no psychiatrist. That said, I’ve found
myself drawn into some interesting conversations with women since publishing
Reclaimed Surrender , so I’d thought I’d share one of the prevalent themes from
those conversations.
Here I am speaking on the topic with a friend of mine
who admited she wants to sprinkle a little spice in her married life.
BDSM hopeful, “Is it possible?”
Me, “Hell yeah.”
“But I’m worried if I bring up the subject with my husband he’ll
think I’m dirty.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“Well, no. Yes. I don’t know.”
“That’s why I’d recommend you discuss your needs with your
man.”
“But it’s embarrassing.”
“Hmm… So you’d rather remain comfortable and unfilled, than
brave one tough talk and have years of sexual bliss. That’s just plain crazy.”
“I keep thinking about the things I want him to do to me. If
I tell him about these things, he’ll think I’m crazy.”
Me pondering for no more than a millisecond. “Nope. I’d put
money on he’ll thank you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You want to know how I know this?”
BDSM hopeful vigorously nods.
Time to impart the pearls of wisdom. “Most men are clueless.
More’s to the point? They’re just as horny if not hornier than most
women. So by my calculations, you have a better than 80% shot of getting the
sexual deviant of your dreams if you’re willing to share your secret desires
with him.”
“I’m not sure I can. They’re so…so not proper. He’ll think
I’m a slut.”
Time to break feminine ranks here and pull reality out of
the proverbial petticoat. “He wants you to be a slut. Better yet, he wants
you to be his slut. Now, if you like the sound of that you best start talking
to him.”
“Do you think it’s wrong if a woman wants to be treated like
a slut by her husband?”
“I could say here that it doesn’t matter what I think,
because it doesn’t, but I’ll answer you so we’re clear on this. My philosophy
on this is twofold. If you want it, make it happen. Change and growth are always
good things in marriage. With that said, I also believe there is nothing – I
repeat — nothing wrong with treating a person the way they want to be treated.”
“What do you mean by that?”
I stare right at her. “If you want to be spanked, tied-up,
humiliated, poked, prodded or examined by your husband and your husband’s up
for the challenge? It’s nobody’s business but your own.”
Geez. After having a discussion about how she could break the ice
with her guy I was left scratching my head. Did we or did we not, (women I
mean) have a sexual revolution? I got the memo. Anyone else?
Question is, would you rather not communicate your desires
and save yourself the perceived embarrassment or take the bite out of the big
kink sandwich and be sexually satisfied for the rest of your life?
Riley
June 13, 2012
CAN DESIGNING AN EROTIC ROMANCE BOOK TRAILER LEAD TO DIVORCE?
I wonder. In my case here’s a conversation between Honey and I when he discovers me perusing possible candidates to use. And by peruse, I mean on the computer and not lined up in my living room.
Honey asks, “So, this is what you do all day? Stare at half-dressed men?”
My reply, “Yup.”
He shakes his head and leaves the room. I count to four and he’s back. “Really?”
I shrug. “Sure.”
His eyes narrow. “You know if I were a writer and looked at pictures of half-dressed women all day you’d divorce me.”
My eyes widen and I nod. “I know.”
He scowls. “You know?”
I nod again and you have to imagine him standing there absolutely stunned because I rarely ever agree with him.
“So you’ll stop looking at the “naked guys” when you write?
Now I’m stunned. Whatever made him think that? “No.”
“But you just said you’d divorce me if the shoe were on the other foot.”
“Yes, and I meant it, too.”
He crosses his arm over his chest. “How is that fair? What if I said that I’d divorce you for doing it?”
*Insert me frowning here* “Wait, are we talking about the same thing here? I don’t think so, because I wouldn’t divorce you for ogling naked women all day.” He blinks and I blandly smile. “I’d be divorcing your sorry butt for not getting anything done – I mean how many words could a writer actually get on the page using only one hand?”
Now he’s frowning.
“Only one—?” He blinks again and then gives me that dirty grin of his that I love. “Hm. I see. You do make a very good point. Carry on.”
Signed, Riley… who knows a clever woman can multitask even one handed. Heheheh
Honey asks, “So, this is what you do all day? Stare at half-dressed men?”
My reply, “Yup.”
He shakes his head and leaves the room. I count to four and he’s back. “Really?”
I shrug. “Sure.”
His eyes narrow. “You know if I were a writer and looked at pictures of half-dressed women all day you’d divorce me.”
My eyes widen and I nod. “I know.”
He scowls. “You know?”
I nod again and you have to imagine him standing there absolutely stunned because I rarely ever agree with him.
“So you’ll stop looking at the “naked guys” when you write?
Now I’m stunned. Whatever made him think that? “No.”
“But you just said you’d divorce me if the shoe were on the other foot.”
“Yes, and I meant it, too.”
He crosses his arm over his chest. “How is that fair? What if I said that I’d divorce you for doing it?”
*Insert me frowning here* “Wait, are we talking about the same thing here? I don’t think so, because I wouldn’t divorce you for ogling naked women all day.” He blinks and I blandly smile. “I’d be divorcing your sorry butt for not getting anything done – I mean how many words could a writer actually get on the page using only one hand?”
Now he’s frowning.
“Only one—?” He blinks again and then gives me that dirty grin of his that I love. “Hm. I see. You do make a very good point. Carry on.”
Signed, Riley… who knows a clever woman can multitask even one handed. Heheheh
June 6, 2012
ARE YOU A SERIAL SLUSH PILE REJECT???
Here’s some query and submissions do’s and don’ts that any practical writer can understand.
DO: Address your query to the right person and spell everything that follows correctly.
Example: Dear Ms. Smith,
DON”T: Submet gleering problims or mispel names.
Example: Deer Ms. Sm8th. (They might presume the ‘8′ is silent but why take the chance?)
DO: Introduce yourself in a professional and normal manner
Example: I’m seeking representation for my erotic urban fantasy, A Time For Lust Stations.
DON’T: Be crazy or overly familiar with this unknown person.
Example: I just finished this sucker and it’s a real pisser! Check out page 43! That backdoor ain’t in a house! *wink* *wink*
DO: Detail a nice, clean and understandable synopsis.
Example: Drillwella is an eighteen year old nymphomaniac who gets lost on the way to The Lust Station.
DON’T: Be confusing with the details.
Example: Drillwella nervously sets out on the rapid car fleeter and watched the driver, the engine sweep, and The Wish-Making Dandelion Picker, while she thought about Willhedome, waiting at the distant lust station, with its white rooms and furry beds.
DO: Present some story question that hints at conflict.
Example: Drillwella abhorred Willhedome, so maybe being lost in the worst part of the galaxy in fear of her life had an upside after all.
DON’T: Be predictable.
Example: Drillwella eventually finds her way to The Lust Station and has hours of glorious sex with Willhedome. ACK!
Hm. When you look at it like this, it seems like it should be pretty easy to go from slush pile to editor’s laptop, doesn’t it? But keep in mind that every agent/editor is different. Each one has their own pet-peeves and you’ll never be able to pinpoint or remember them all. So my thought? Since there is no rhyme or reason – fall back on the basics. A neatly typed, correctly spelled and properly structured introduction with just a hint of writer voice applied will go a long way in impressing a bleary eyed agent/editor.
So, my last do and don’t?
DO: Submit clean and well organized pages with a great story that leaves the person you’re targeting with additional questions at the end of their read.
Example: Drillwella hurriedly turned the corner and sighed with relief when she spotted The Lust Station. She stepped off the curb and would have stumbled if The Wish Making Dandelion Picker hadn’t caught her.
“Careful,” he hissed close to her ear. “You’re smarter than I thought…”
DON”T: Be boring or too precise.
Example: Drillwella hurriedly turned the corner and with a sigh
Riley
DO: Address your query to the right person and spell everything that follows correctly.
Example: Dear Ms. Smith,
DON”T: Submet gleering problims or mispel names.
Example: Deer Ms. Sm8th. (They might presume the ‘8′ is silent but why take the chance?)
DO: Introduce yourself in a professional and normal manner
Example: I’m seeking representation for my erotic urban fantasy, A Time For Lust Stations.
DON’T: Be crazy or overly familiar with this unknown person.
Example: I just finished this sucker and it’s a real pisser! Check out page 43! That backdoor ain’t in a house! *wink* *wink*
DO: Detail a nice, clean and understandable synopsis.
Example: Drillwella is an eighteen year old nymphomaniac who gets lost on the way to The Lust Station.
DON’T: Be confusing with the details.
Example: Drillwella nervously sets out on the rapid car fleeter and watched the driver, the engine sweep, and The Wish-Making Dandelion Picker, while she thought about Willhedome, waiting at the distant lust station, with its white rooms and furry beds.
DO: Present some story question that hints at conflict.
Example: Drillwella abhorred Willhedome, so maybe being lost in the worst part of the galaxy in fear of her life had an upside after all.
DON’T: Be predictable.
Example: Drillwella eventually finds her way to The Lust Station and has hours of glorious sex with Willhedome. ACK!
Hm. When you look at it like this, it seems like it should be pretty easy to go from slush pile to editor’s laptop, doesn’t it? But keep in mind that every agent/editor is different. Each one has their own pet-peeves and you’ll never be able to pinpoint or remember them all. So my thought? Since there is no rhyme or reason – fall back on the basics. A neatly typed, correctly spelled and properly structured introduction with just a hint of writer voice applied will go a long way in impressing a bleary eyed agent/editor.
So, my last do and don’t?
DO: Submit clean and well organized pages with a great story that leaves the person you’re targeting with additional questions at the end of their read.
Example: Drillwella hurriedly turned the corner and sighed with relief when she spotted The Lust Station. She stepped off the curb and would have stumbled if The Wish Making Dandelion Picker hadn’t caught her.
“Careful,” he hissed close to her ear. “You’re smarter than I thought…”
DON”T: Be boring or too precise.
Example: Drillwella hurriedly turned the corner and with a sigh
Riley
**Disclaimer: If you listen to me you’re not a serial slush pile reject. Your nuts. Just sayin’
How To Capture A Reader From Page One
One way is to focus on gaining the reader’s emotional investment in your characters right from the start. I think in terms of taking the bling out of the story. As in remove the guns, murders, stalkers or mayhem and imagine your hero/heroine having a cup of coffee in a regular old kitchen three weeks after the carefully constructed jeopardy has been removed. Would your characters be interesting to listen to without the bling to shine them up? I’m inclined to think, if the answer is no – then there was no emotional connection between the reader and your characters to begin with because bling or no bling your reader should care about them.
To me external conflict and/or revelations do work to draw a reader into being invested in the story on some level. But not a deep level. I mean, if I’m only paying attention to what is happening to these people because there’s gunfire and a bad guy around every corner – the characters are replaceable and could be anybody. And as a reader that’s invested the time to get to know them? I want those characters to be better than just anyone. I want them to be people I care about and would listen to even if they’re only having a coffee together.
So remove the guns, the bad guy and the bling. Strip your characters down to being the people they are and make them interesting before you fancy them up.
Riley
To me external conflict and/or revelations do work to draw a reader into being invested in the story on some level. But not a deep level. I mean, if I’m only paying attention to what is happening to these people because there’s gunfire and a bad guy around every corner – the characters are replaceable and could be anybody. And as a reader that’s invested the time to get to know them? I want those characters to be better than just anyone. I want them to be people I care about and would listen to even if they’re only having a coffee together.
So remove the guns, the bad guy and the bling. Strip your characters down to being the people they are and make them interesting before you fancy them up.
Riley
