Nelson Lowhim's Blog, page 105

Another Sad Day

The city of Nice is a beautiful place to visit. My first book, Tree of Freedom was based there. Sad to hear about what happened there on the Promenade de Anglais. There are fewer things more tragic than the killing of innocents. Of any innocents. 

So it goes. But I think that I'll stick to my memories of Nice. It was a gorgeous city in the summer, and its pebble beach was always filled with great people. I remember the Australian tourists we met there, how kind they were. I remember the locals always willing to help. I also remember a French Commando telling me that he wanted to kill all the Muslims (while holding his cross). Not saying any of the latter case is indicative of the entire nation, but it's not in a vacuum either. 
My liberal friends still look at France as the wise country that stayed out of Iraq, and indeed they were that for that situation. But they were always into Empire-lite. [2] This point cannot be lost. So thoughts go out to the innocents. Even those beneath French bombs, even as their screams won't be heard and the word "atrocity" will not be used for them. 

[1] I'd try to be better, but I too am influenced by how much attention is paid by my fellow citizens to certain tragedies. And no, I'm not even talking about the terror attacks by non-state actors in other countries, but rather about all attacks on the innocent. Yet, it's hard to blame people for caring more about places they haven't been to. No, that's not the point. The main point of contention is that there's no context added (and thus everything done to add context looks like "excuses"). Sad thing is that those on the left (center) sound the same as those on the right seem to take this to heart and call for the "ending" of ISIS etc. Genocide. Again, I'll be there to call out the Nazis whenever I can, no matter their ilk. 
[2] I think I mentioned how people around me ask "What did France do?". It has done plenty. None of that is in a vacuum either. 
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Spokane as a Place for Inspiration: Art, What is it Good For?

Now, most people don't think inspiration when they think on Spokane. But it can provide those moments where the mind can wander. [1] Recently, I went out to buy some milk, and instead I found myself wandering some second story gallery. It held some amazing pieces, and when compared to the plethora of realistic or impressionistic pieces I've seen in the area, it was a breath of fresh air. 


None of this was done in some sort of hodge podge way. It was not as if it was a mural. No, it was simply part of the DNA of each piece. This alone was an impressive, as each subset was something that was impressed. 
Much less impressive was when I met the artist's mother: you see the artist has an affliction that did not allow them in public, or out of a room, and the mother was busy touting the work. I'm afraid to say that when she started to explain each piece to me—the thought process that went into each one—my middle class bearings spoke up and a distaste for each arose.
See, she told me about one painting, where, after a police shooting, the artist cut the newspaper clippings, then the printed out statements of almost every internet comment on the incident and pasted it onto this large (20'x20') canvas to serve as the background. Then, after drawing lines to connect some of the words and similar sentiments, the artist then filled in the sections (from the lines) with different shapes. The kind of shape, the color and the number of them all came down to statistics the artist found about the incident (from total shootings like this one, to the number of the said gun in the world etc etc). Even placement of said symbol was considered only after a statistic was informed. 
And the shape to statistic relationship, though it changed every piece, was also based on how much the artist felt that statistic applied to the overall situation. The more it played a part, the larger or more complex the shape. Dots, for example, were related to the range of said police department's weight (found online). 
This is an interesting method and yet I still did not care for it. I think it has to do with the fact that I've always learned and treated data and art as two separate things. And even though computers have made data more beautiful, it has usually been so that we can understand data better. To hide data in this odd way, was too much for me. 
I left the mother after she had finished explaining herself, annoyed that I had fallen in love with art that had such an unconventional methodology. As I walked back and felt some self-hatred for hating it just based on how it was created (what did I know about art), I still managed to retain most of my revulsion for the pieces. 
Nevertheless, even that revulsion was enough to write a story. Art is a funny thing. So is writing.



[1] Important for that next book to come out, isn't it?
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On XKCD, Feeling "Old", & True Hope.

The only thing about this article that makes me feel old is the disconnect between me and the zeitgeist (to include people my age). Though that isn't directly connected with feeling old, it is a variable in feeling old. Any how, I'm thinking on this XKCD comic. Suppose growing older is fine. But I, for one, see this as a great thing. I don't want the next generation to be as stupid about 9-11 as we have been.

Same goes for those who use 9-11 as a bludgeon against everyone. They will die out, and luckily the newest generation seems to have the gall to mock it at every turn. Here's to the future, then. 
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A Horror

A horror has unfolded on the streets of Dallas. Thoughts out to the slain and the injured. I heard about it as soon as it happened on my Twitter feed. It was interesting to see such an act unfold through social media sites and to, in real time, hear people's reactions.

Now, I'm a proponent of the theory that internet comments aren't useless, they're the id of our people. But it was troubling to hear people talk about the BLM as if they were the issue. The common view is that they are just trouble makers [3] and some even called them a terrorist group. Well, I for one am glad that some people are using that term because it just goes to show how baseless it is (and confirms the view that the mainstream—like those in power—uses it so that they can only bludgeon the oppressed, nothing more). That no one even takes a moment to see what exactly BLM stands for (non-violence, btw) is a sad statement to the unthinking products of our educational system.
Meanwhile, from less right wing members of society (the just be quiet! group) were calling for BLM to stand down, or somehow blaming them for this. There were also countless claims that BLM people were cheering these deaths. I have yet to see this, and wouldn't put it past the rights agents provocateurs of carrying these out on their own (to say nothing of the few bad apples who should taint an entire peaceful movement). Still, this was used as another example of how/why to bludgeon minorities.
Right.
I know when oppression is about to be stepped up, so I will certainly stand by BLM in any shape or form from now on. This doesn't make one anti-LE. No, it makes one human. Your thoughts on the matter?




[1] I'm of the mind that the gun control that simply looks to limiting the assault rifle is the antithesis of what real liberalism is. That is, it's looking at a very small sliver of gun-related deaths and not tackling the broader issue. Sure, the military-grade weapon makes for better headlines, but that's it. The fact is that it's too minor to care about. The other deaths through handguns should be more closely examined. And I dare say that for those liberals (I'll use the term loosely) who want to ban military grade weapons, this is mainly an issue because these events tend to hit middle class (and while) more often. Now, I'm not saying that it's possible that the proliferation of such guns aren't an issue, as it does increase the potential of more violence (it's just that it isn't coming through in stats). I'll also say that the right wing argument for these shootings (that we would feel/be safe in such situations if we all had guns) has been put to rest. All it takes is a little bit of training to cause damage. 
[2] Oh, I've written about this, and you can read the books, but this is a bit too much, the view (even from those "thank you for your service" people) that we're trigger happy crazies. 
[3] Don't let anyone fool you, it's the same shit they said about MLK in his time, nevermind the white washing of that great man's views and actions by our mainstream media.
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Back from a Break in Boston

Just back from a break in Boston (some pics here for some of it). I've written a few things and I'll duly post them up. Publishing (of my personal stories and books) will be erratic in the coming months as it looks like we're in for a big move. Or big life change. Big enough that I have a sense of trepidation in my gut. Nothing crazy but it will take me away from that which I love—and away from deadlines of a few books some of you have wanted. Sorry. Downtown Boston
Nevertheless, I will try to post the shorts that I have written in the past year and are still lingering in written form. Some were even written in the past few days on this short vacation of mine. Thing is, vacation can be great for cutting yourself from the usual zeitgeist (of checking the news, the email), but coming back from that slight hiatus has not been as refreshing as I hoped.
Don't get me wrong: the trip was fine. A positive note was that I have managed to finish quite a bit of reading. The bookstore above, The Brattle , was a joy to visit and wander through. [1] I picked up two books that were interesting to read, but nothing more. Beowulf was a joy, of course, but mainly because I finally struck it from my to-read pile. It was not that great of a saga or tale or what have you. The little enjoyment I got was from the historical aspect of it and how some of the views held then are still held today. [2]
The other book I read was an Irish tale, Sweeney Astray . This too only held my interest as a historical artifact. I'm not sure why these stories fell so flat with me. Probably more of a statement about myself as a writer, and where I stand today amongst the canon (as a reader and writer) than anything. It troubles me, though, that I've connected with so few pieces of work recently, while also throwing overboard so many that I previously held dear ( Conrad , for example). [3] Me looking like I know something about art, but let's be honest, this is really just a middle class aspirant looking at a trophy case of the powerful. Lucky me, then. 
Luckily, I've been reading The Sympathizer . About a Vietnamese refugee, it's at least poking holes in the normal views I find abhorrent, and I recommend you read it today. But I have yet to finish it, and some of it falls flat as well. I'll withhold judgement until it's done, then.  The views they'll allow a peasant these days!
I've mentioned how essays have grabbed my attention as a writer and how James Baldwin has been the standard. I've been looking for someone contemporary who comes even close, and I have not found anything as incisive as Baldwin's writing. I've reading Cynthia Ozick and though her intelligence is clear, her ability to not stand above or outside of the status quo is saddening—even when she berates others for the same. So it goes, but where are all the brave writers? Why am I surrounded by courtiers?  [4] Chinatown, one of the best neighborhoods in BostonBut I digress. I came back to the world of news and tweets and the Greek Chorus and, just as with the more permanent forms of writing, I was let down by tribal thinking and cowards marking their spot amongst the throngs. The big news is Hillary's email scandal.  Boston Sky on Fire
My conservative friends are stuck on trying to charge Hillary [5] while my center left friends are making holy the statements of the FBI. No where do you see someone even question the idea of National Security, or what it's for. If you haven't been paying attention, it's only a bludgeon to be used against whistleblowers and to keep the people at bay. Sleeping on the Airport Floor. Thanks Obama!
As for turning it against power? Ha! It's there to keep these organizations insulated from the people and to keep power and to keep the people scared enough that they will open their wallets and pay for whatever contraption or ritual is said to be their savior from evil. No one, however, is questioning that aspect. The high priests of "National Security" are here and we cannot question what they do because... Oh wait, there's no answer to that. 
Meanwhile, at least the British have a way to bring their leaders to talk about their war crimes and lying to get them into war. But even the Iraq war is being subject to revisionism. Not that this is new, but it seems pretty early in the game to do so. Meanwhile, the War on Terror [6] continues unabated and innocent people die hideous deaths for... oh yeah, that elusive "National Security". 
And with Trump, we have a buffoon who wants to ban Muslims, and yet no one seems able to take him down in the mainstream media. That's because, since he is successful within their framework, they are stifled. Case in point: his comments on Saddam. Hillary went against this with some crocodile tears about the people Saddam killed. Where were these tears when her husband carried out a medieval siege on Iraq? Or the backing when Saddam was a brutal strongman? Or the other brutal strongmen we back? Is anyone taking this seriously?
Then there's another strand of people: those on the left who seem pissed enough with the system to want to vote for Trump, just so they can watch the country burn and have it rebuilt sooner. Please don't . Watching a country burn, to say nothing of your own, is not pleasant. And most likely those who burn will be down below. We the people, in other words. 
And amongst all this craziness, I must be more silent than before. Ah well. I'll be on the lookout for some contrarian positions from the usual suspects, but from the mainstream and my Facebook page, I'm not holding my breath. Your thoughts on the whole mess? 




[1] I think used bookstores simply have this aspect to them that make them joys to wander. 
[2] A little like reading about Sparta. You can can only approach this as a pseudo-anthropologist. 
[3] Tipping such large sacred cows always carries the risk of the cow falling upon the tipper—me. But I am still doing it, for I know not how else to grow as a writer. And in reality, all of them are falling short of anything I hold in esteem as I read more and more about history and their place in it. 
[4] More jealousy, on my part, I suppose, but come on. Let's just try not to spout the party line verbatim when it comes to being a center of left liberal. Ah, I'm asking for too much. 
[5] Not a hint of irony at all the crap Bush-Cheny pulled off, to include actually outing a CIA agent's identity. 
[6] Damn near the best thing anyone in power ever thought of to keep themselves in power.
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Elitist?

The word elitist has been used to label many things. Usually an out-of-touch group of people at the top. I personally never liked it, but there have been enough changes to it that it seems to mean something specific. [1] These days it means the cosmopolitan elite. Those globe-trotters who are as home in New York as they are in other major cities. 

But the main thrust of the article is if they behave as a tribe, even as they disparage others as acting tribally. Do they? Well, the article dismisses any diversity in these groups as superficial, and I think that's horrendously unfair. [3] Certainly the ability to bring so many people from different parts of the world counts for something. However, if they are insular enough to stay away from "the others", then this is a problem—especially for a political system such as ours. 
And yet the situation remains that all the logic of our society says if you get well to do, you go to certain schools (or other avenues of networking and advancement) to try and increase those chances. Given inequality being what it is, how does that ever get resolved? In other words, isn't inequality the underlying problem? And pointing to the top (especially if it's conservatives doing the pointing) at some cabal of diverse but aloof group is a little disingenuous.
Nevertheless, he does have a good observation about people in rich areas being more than willing to eat at Afghan restaurants but not willing to live next to a building that houses immigrants or refugees. Same goes for those who send their children to private schools. [4] But this, again, is a matter of attacking inequality, the totality of money and basically siding with other (real) liberal issues. Would Douthat be willing to do that? 
What are your thoughts?

Update: Well, someone else said it better than me. So it's my duty to post it here . Read Graydon's (in the comments, just ctrl-F it) reply. Spot on. Oh, and here too. 

[1] The older definition I know, is one simply against those who speak differently and have actual power. Usually I heard it in the south to disparage liberals. So perhaps there was some class-divisions built into it back then {a}.

[2] Again, most people in elite circles that I know are not for austerity in any form. Only those spouting empty words like "the government should tighten its belt like a family etc" are causing this harm. And, unfortunately, most of these people (Stateside) are the ones suffering from the ill effects of the same policies they're calling for. So even amongst those up top there isn't agreement. 
[3]  If anything it shows the similarity in structure of the organizations people work for and what roles are required of them. Mainly, one could argue that those up top have agreed to worship the current power and gods (money in a neoliberal world) and are fanatical in their faith. Hard to see others decrying the underlying motive here, which would be the first thing to tackle. 
[4] Not that everyone in this group is this perfect representation of liberal ideas. But even I have admonished myself for not helping out more with the Black Lives Mater movement and other threats to rock the boat in which I am quite comfortable (relatively speaking, not intellectually). Indeed, I think many in my shoes act too silent. 

{a} Memes always seem to grow and change as the people who use them change them to adapt to reality. This makes me wonder when I look at history and try to study any beliefs held. One thing is certain: they are not stationary, but one must still pin it down to a certain point in time. A vector, then must be added to it. 
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A Spider Bites

I had one of those dreams last night. It was a ferocious one, and something I had not experienced in a long time. The details, as they usually are with these ephemeral lives lived, have since evaporated. but the emotional scars remain, and that alone is worth talking about.


There I was, being hunted, somehow considered a traitor by my fellow citizens. How or why I cannot recall—my words of wisdom were drowned out by others' yelling—but the insidious feeling that enveloped me, like an acidic grip around my heart I can still remember.

I do believe that things had so fallen apart that there was a full-blown insurgency in our country. There was also a gun battle which, I think, we had just won. The air was still electric as I leaned up against some barrier with my hands. Out crawled a spider and bit my hand—ravenously. I tried to throw it off, smash it, and I managed to do so.

But the sting throbbed through my hand, and I woke up, trying my hardest to shake off the spider. It was gone. Or perhaps never there. And yet there I was, awake, and the pain of the sting still remained. Strong. I looked at between my thumb and forefinger, where the pain was focused, looking for a bite mark. I even used my phone light, certain that I had been victim to a real bite. But nothing. I looked throw the bedsheets for a spider, or a sharp object, but there was still nothing. My SO stirred, and so I turned off my phone light.

Oh the tricks the mind plays on you. And of all those tricks, this one seemed like an especially harsh one, as well as one I hadn't experienced in many years.

Except now that I'm older—the shadow of youth's expected invincibility long gone, the fossilization of my neurons a fact of life [1]—this experience seemed to breathe life into me.

It took a few minutes for the pain to die down. I rolled over, checked for spiders one more time and fell asleep.


[1]It's a mind I've gotten used to, one which enjoys rituals and can't absorb as much as it once could. It also means that I have to be wary of becoming like so many other adults I know: the ones who won't change their minds or their beliefs, no matter the evidence.


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Brexit

Well the news is here , and with all the hysteria going on, it seems that we'll have to wait and see what happens. But out of all the cries of wolf, there are a few that are legitimate . I'm no expert, but this is the age of the internets and I'll throw my two cents in (in that sense, it's very good to make observations and take screenshots, this is humanity playing out the same song all over again). Some of it backed by the experts. For example, all the cries about the pound falling seem overblown. It's not a big deal when the country has debt in its own currency.
First, I've usually tried to stay away from the issue with the generational divide and how a lot of older people seem to have lead-addled brains that make them seem out of touch with reality. No, I won't stoop to that level since I know plenty of older people who are level-headed, kind, and reasonable. But it appears that the same issue there is playing out here: in the end old people voted to leave and young people voted to remain. [1]
I know some people who are angry enough with the older generation here in the States as to swear that their legacy will be ashes. I'm not so harsh, but I do think that the more they fight change , the worse off they will leave this country. Again this is not a hard and fast rule, but rather a trend. I know of one person my age who thought the old were voting with wisdom and should be listened to. I, of course, disagree with that (and I cannot emphasize that this is a matter of majority, not all the older generation). 
That being said, there is also a chance that the UK will now break, being that Scotland voted for staying with the EU, why wouldn't they leave? Ah well, suppose that's what the older generation wanted all along. So it goes, but this all seems more a matter of symbolism (that matters, just not so horribly) to me. 
The xenophobia is what worries me. From stories I've heard, this has been going on for a while. Even nice Brits would get visibly annoyed at Polish people in their midst. Sad to see it all come to a head. Also sad to see that the UK was essentially taken in by lying grifters. Will we be next? Seems that lying and doubling down lends certain people actual credibility. [2] It could just be that older people, who are known not to have good gut instinct about this kind of thing—and my time at 911 shows that they are easily swindled—were simply misled. If so, we need to adjust democracy to make up for this, otherwise it's foolish to base the entire thing on complete lies [3].
Then, the fallout will have some people being blamed, and of course, the old lefty might get it pretty bad in the main presses. At least Cameron had the decency to resign. He'll be a moron vis a vis history, for certain. Funny to see what happens, though.

Update: Here's another good take. To simply mark off the result as something wrong with the those who voted against it would be unwise. I too think the technocratic elites should take much of the blame, being that they don't care for certain people, then act surprised when those people don't believe their words (boy who cried wolf and all):

"And the Northern areas that came in strongly for Leave have been left behind as London and environs prospered. It is simplistic, although it will nevertheless be a popular stance among the elites, to depict the Leave vote as yet another proof that technocrats should be in charge. In fact, the very reason that so many UK citizens rejected the dire warnings of what was in store for them if they dared press the red Leave button was that those experts devised and implemented the neoliberal policies that have increased inequality, reduced their economic stability and accelerated political and social change." 
Update2: Just when I want to be magnanimous towards the older generation, they go and say things like this . Really? You're going to focus on memes you don't like? Then consider them beyond anything your generation ever did? If we even say that the older generation didn't care for taking pictures of themselves, how about all the other selfish (and brutal) things they did? So, please, spare us the sky is falling tripe. The kids are fine.

[1]Of course, my question is with actuarial tables as they are, why not hold on for 5 years then do another vote?

[2] I dare say this is a bug of human evolution. Even I have faced off with people who claim something I know to be false, but if they don't back down, there's a moment when you wonder, really?

[3] I know I go on about national myths and all, and those are horrendous. But this seems to be a thing now. Note our conservative, "Thanks Obama" talking heads also make sure to sell things like gold to older people (and not honestly).

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What's In A Photo?

It was after a short but enjoyable hike that we caught this sunset at the edge of Liberty Lake here in Spokane, WA. This idyllic scene was captured: swallows and seagulls in the air, a deer jumping out of the reeds, and that summer chill just settling in. 


You see, as I was taking this photo, my better half was also taking photos, as were several other people. Thing is now with a camera in our pockets and good photos available at our fingertips, we've passed the age of photos as memory. 
This is what photos used to be: a way to make a stamp of a memory. Something to be treasured. When I was younger there was some random survey that claimed that the first thing people would save from a fire would be their photo album. Hard to see the reason for such risk today. Photos aren't simply about memory. [2]
Why else was I taking so many pictures? I'm not a professional photographer, so complete perfection isn't the point, and yet I still took more than I would care to go through in the future. And my SO also took just as many. [3]
Fact is, given that most of these were going to be shared with loved ones, friends, and yes the general public [4] I realized there was a dual purpose for this medium. I most likely wouldn't look back at this picture and think much of it, not in 10-20 years. But at the moment, I could take a picture of an experience, share it and allow someone loved to share with it too.
But it has to be my picture, for some reason. I couldn't ask a stranger to take this picture for me (unless it was with me in it). No, here we have a moment of mine into which I'm allowing others. And as superficial as this is (the mine part, especially, for so many others were taking this photo as to render it trite—if we are to consider originality alone). 
Whether it's personal (message to family) or public (placed up on my instagram account), was besides the point. The picture was now the medium to transfer a little bit of self or an experience by the self.
But it's not only that: all this is in the context of whatever mask I've presented to others. So my family sees one person and associates a jackass who likes sunsets when they get the picture [5] while the people following my instagram see this picture within the context of the stream of whatever else I've presented them.
And as Vonnegut said: "We are what we pretend to be." Those masks, whatever I think of them, are me, as far as others are concerned. It's important to put up something worthwhile, or good. Hence the need to take that photo and send it.
In the future, when we're uploading our exact emotion-state (or mask of it) onto some stream on the internet, this will all seem a silly medium, but it's good to think about it: about the ubiquity of photos and how we react to that glut of images—and the ease with which we can publish them. 




[1] Seriously, go to r/ weathergifs and watch a few sunsets in hd: there is a lot they have in common. 
[2] Certainly, they're partially about memory, and they're now used to remember codes or other things, and of course, the picture with an ailing relative/friend and so forth. That can never be taken away, but their ubiquity requires that they're used as something else now.

[3] Currently we suffer from a glut of photos. So many that we need to delete, and yet we don't, even as our hard drives spill over them (and videos as well)

[4] That mass standing in for humanity, or rather the Greek Chorus, that are the likes and loves we get for placing such picture on our wall or stream wherever.

[5] And plausibly some pleasure—as much as I get it when I see them enjoying something beautiful—from seeing me enjoy a moment in life.

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And Then July Was Upon Us

I'm in the midst of getting notes [1] transferred to documents on my computer and seeing where they all fit, but there's been a little bit of a stasis in my motivation and the muse has not been so kind as to visit me.


Tough times, these, and I'll spare you a first world meme, but I've been striving to make the little spare time I have to write worthwhile—even if I draw a blank when writing, and then don't have the time to come up with the energy for transferring old notes. I hope that this recent drawing of mine will do the trick. It's not great, but I dare say there's some beauty to it.

I only hope that it will allow me to write more. So here goes...





[1] I think I've mentioned this new take on writing. I was going to go all old school and get some typewriter, but I decided that it did not make sense, as I've never completely enjoyed such a method. So I went even more old school and wrote in old fashioned pen and paper. No, not any fancy journal, simply the good old fashioned yellow legal pad. Tell you the truth, though it now seems to make complete sense, and I may say things like the tactile variable of this kind of writing makes it much more visceral, that was not my initial reason.
The main reason was because I had read a Paris review interview by the Late Great James Baldwin, and he claimed to only ever to write by pen for it gave him shorter more declarative sentences. Being that I thought (and think) Baldwin to be one of the best {a}writers of the previous century, I decided to do the same.

{a} by best I mean most clear concise sentences and most insightful view of the world. There are plenty of famous writers from the previous century who had clear concise, or even fanciful sentences but offered no real insight into anything.





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