Larry Benjamin's Blog: Larry Benjamin's blog - This Writer's Life, page 14
February 18, 2013
Unbroken
So, if you read this blog regularly, or you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, or even if you just ran into me randomly on the street, you know I’ve spent the last ten months writing my third book. And if you do any of those things, you know it was called “His Name Was Jose.” (see my earlier blog post for the reason why: http://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_...).
About halfway through writing the book, I changed the title because as I wrote the story it became clear to me the story was larger than Jose. In fact, it had three other titles before I landed on the final one. The story as it unfolded, as my characters told it to me, became more than just a romance between two young gay men. It became a tale of survival, of what it takes to hold on to love and each other in an often hostile, unwelcoming world. It examines the damage we, as a society, as parents, inflict when we pin our expectations and preconceived notions of what a boy (or girl) should be/do, on our youth. It looks at how that can break us, how we can be made to feel we are broken and, most importantly, how we have the power to unbreak ourselves. Thus, the new title is “Unbroken.”
"Unbroken," which spans 40 years, opens in 1964, when protagonist, five year old Lincoln de Chabert, a gentle effeminate boy, comes home from kindergarten and announces he will marry his best friend, Orlando, when he grows up. He is told he can’t marry another boy; the news baffles him: “Why not?” he asks “You said I could do anything. You said I could grow up to be President.”
His parents spring into action determined to unbend him― his father takes him to baseball games and the movie, “Patton;” it’s a battle of wills as Lincoln is determined to be himself at all costs.
When at twelve Lincoln falls in love with the new kid, Jose, he is confused:
“I had believed their lies, had ignored my own truth. I would change they told me, just wait and see. I would want to marry a girl, have children, and a dog, and a split-level house in the suburbs just like on The Brady Bunch because that’s what all boys wanted when they grew up and left childish things behind. Time, they said, would fix me, and I’d feel as other boys felt…Time had passed and I was still…broken.”
As I got ready to send the manuscript to my publisher, I realized I needed to describe the book’s genre. I ended up describing it as, “Part romance, part coming-of-age novel, part elegy.” But I think it is nothing so much as a love letter from my 12 year old self to the 12 year old boy I fell in love with in seventh grade. A boy, I suspect, who was barely aware of my existence let alone the fact that I was in love with him. A boy who smiled at me in innocence, and changed my life. It is a love letter lost for years and-finally delivered, by the post office, to that boy, 40 years late.
About halfway through writing the book, I changed the title because as I wrote the story it became clear to me the story was larger than Jose. In fact, it had three other titles before I landed on the final one. The story as it unfolded, as my characters told it to me, became more than just a romance between two young gay men. It became a tale of survival, of what it takes to hold on to love and each other in an often hostile, unwelcoming world. It examines the damage we, as a society, as parents, inflict when we pin our expectations and preconceived notions of what a boy (or girl) should be/do, on our youth. It looks at how that can break us, how we can be made to feel we are broken and, most importantly, how we have the power to unbreak ourselves. Thus, the new title is “Unbroken.”
"Unbroken," which spans 40 years, opens in 1964, when protagonist, five year old Lincoln de Chabert, a gentle effeminate boy, comes home from kindergarten and announces he will marry his best friend, Orlando, when he grows up. He is told he can’t marry another boy; the news baffles him: “Why not?” he asks “You said I could do anything. You said I could grow up to be President.”
His parents spring into action determined to unbend him― his father takes him to baseball games and the movie, “Patton;” it’s a battle of wills as Lincoln is determined to be himself at all costs.
When at twelve Lincoln falls in love with the new kid, Jose, he is confused:
“I had believed their lies, had ignored my own truth. I would change they told me, just wait and see. I would want to marry a girl, have children, and a dog, and a split-level house in the suburbs just like on The Brady Bunch because that’s what all boys wanted when they grew up and left childish things behind. Time, they said, would fix me, and I’d feel as other boys felt…Time had passed and I was still…broken.”
As I got ready to send the manuscript to my publisher, I realized I needed to describe the book’s genre. I ended up describing it as, “Part romance, part coming-of-age novel, part elegy.” But I think it is nothing so much as a love letter from my 12 year old self to the 12 year old boy I fell in love with in seventh grade. A boy, I suspect, who was barely aware of my existence let alone the fact that I was in love with him. A boy who smiled at me in innocence, and changed my life. It is a love letter lost for years and-finally delivered, by the post office, to that boy, 40 years late.
February 8, 2013
Is Being Gay Reallly Just About Sexual Identity?
Yesterday, I posted an angry response to a post by fellow writer, Laura Susan Johnson, author of “Crush” and “Bright,” her current work in progress. Her post was in response to a gay author who, after reading excerpts from "Bright," told her gay readers were tiring of gay fiction being mostly about gay erotica and indiscriminate gay "encounters". In her post, defending her position, Laura wrote in part, “the very words "gay" and "homosexual" and "lesbian" are not only about identity, they are about sexuality.” (read the complete post here: http://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_...)
I posted a response, writing, in part, that as a writer and a gay man I was completely put off by her assertion. I put forth the notion that “being gay, lesbian, homosexual is about attraction, it’s about who you want to hold hands with, who you want to go to prom with, who you want to build a life with. Sex is an outgrowth of attraction, an expression of something. And yes, sometimes it’s just a primal urge but surely not all the time, not every time, not exclusively.”
In retrospect, my response was probably a bit harsh (I can be a bit of a hot head—especially when I care about something passionately), so after a night’s sleep I have decided to attempt to articulate my position again. As Laura explained her thinking through her characters, I think I will attempt to do the same.
In “His Name Was Jose,” the book, I’m currently finishing, the main character, Lincoln, is introduced at age 6. He lands in hot water when he comes home from first grade and announces he will marry his best friend, a boy, when he grows up. To make matters worse, he is an effeminate boy. My challenge here was how to define Lincoln as gay outside the context of sexuality (he is after all six). Later, when he is twelve he falls in love with Jose. Again the challenge was describing desire, attraction, without the element of sexual desire. That same sex attraction makes him gay but he is not yet a sexual being. What does yearning for another boy feel like at that age, the age before sex rises to consciousness? In large part because so much of the character of Lincoln is grounded in me and my experiences, it was mostly a matter of remembering. And when Lincoln does discover sexual desire, it takes an odd form. Later, at 15 when he enters into his first sexual relationship with another boy, Tony, I try to get beyond the act itself to what is drives their desire, what they get from the closeness of sex, how it makes Lincoln feel.
I think the best way to sum up my view point on what it means to be gay is to quote a passage from the book. Thirty years after he last saw Tony, Lincoln wonders where he is, what he is doing:
“I found myself thinking about Tony more and more. I remembered the two of us looking at Time magazine, at a photo of two men in San Francisco, climbing a hilly shaded street holding hands. In daylight. “Look,” he’d said, “That could be us one day.” We’d marveled at that picture, that such a place existed. Tony cut the picture out, and after carefully folding it, tucked it into his wallet. I’d like to think that he’s in San Francisco now. That he’s found a man to hold hands with. That is my wish for him. I know it was his for me.”
What do you think? How do you define being gay?
For more about me, my take on gay romance and my books, visit me at www.larrybenjamin.com
Note: You can read Laura’s follow up post here: http://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_...
I posted a response, writing, in part, that as a writer and a gay man I was completely put off by her assertion. I put forth the notion that “being gay, lesbian, homosexual is about attraction, it’s about who you want to hold hands with, who you want to go to prom with, who you want to build a life with. Sex is an outgrowth of attraction, an expression of something. And yes, sometimes it’s just a primal urge but surely not all the time, not every time, not exclusively.”
In retrospect, my response was probably a bit harsh (I can be a bit of a hot head—especially when I care about something passionately), so after a night’s sleep I have decided to attempt to articulate my position again. As Laura explained her thinking through her characters, I think I will attempt to do the same.
In “His Name Was Jose,” the book, I’m currently finishing, the main character, Lincoln, is introduced at age 6. He lands in hot water when he comes home from first grade and announces he will marry his best friend, a boy, when he grows up. To make matters worse, he is an effeminate boy. My challenge here was how to define Lincoln as gay outside the context of sexuality (he is after all six). Later, when he is twelve he falls in love with Jose. Again the challenge was describing desire, attraction, without the element of sexual desire. That same sex attraction makes him gay but he is not yet a sexual being. What does yearning for another boy feel like at that age, the age before sex rises to consciousness? In large part because so much of the character of Lincoln is grounded in me and my experiences, it was mostly a matter of remembering. And when Lincoln does discover sexual desire, it takes an odd form. Later, at 15 when he enters into his first sexual relationship with another boy, Tony, I try to get beyond the act itself to what is drives their desire, what they get from the closeness of sex, how it makes Lincoln feel.
I think the best way to sum up my view point on what it means to be gay is to quote a passage from the book. Thirty years after he last saw Tony, Lincoln wonders where he is, what he is doing:
“I found myself thinking about Tony more and more. I remembered the two of us looking at Time magazine, at a photo of two men in San Francisco, climbing a hilly shaded street holding hands. In daylight. “Look,” he’d said, “That could be us one day.” We’d marveled at that picture, that such a place existed. Tony cut the picture out, and after carefully folding it, tucked it into his wallet. I’d like to think that he’s in San Francisco now. That he’s found a man to hold hands with. That is my wish for him. I know it was his for me.”
What do you think? How do you define being gay?
For more about me, my take on gay romance and my books, visit me at www.larrybenjamin.com
Note: You can read Laura’s follow up post here: http://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_...
February 4, 2013
The Next Big Thing Blog Hop: T.A. Hall
As part of the Next Big Thing Blog Hop, I tagged new author and friend, T.A. Hall, whose debut novel, “Dancing Like Nobody's Watching - Contra Dance,” will be out this Spring. I am hosting him on my blog this week, so read on to learn more about his soon-to-be released debut novel.
1. What is the working title of your book?
Dancing Like Nobody’s Watching – Contra Dance
2. Where did the idea come from for the book?
The idea to write the book came to me in 1998 while caring for my partner of 10 years who was dying of AIDS. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had slipped into a slight depression. I was in my late twenties carrying an enormous amount of responsibility which I was emotionally ill equipped to handle. To have such a wholesome, fulfilling relationship deteriorate before my eyes, not through any fault of either one of us, was difficult. I didn’t think I’d ever have a relationship like that again until the day I opened an email that contained a piece of prose entitled “Happiness is a Journey” by Crystal Boyd. It inspired me to write a story that would encourage others to keep dancing (i.e. living) until their journey ends.
3. What is the genre of the book?
I am not sure exactly how to categorize it. I guess Contemporary m/m romance would be the best description.
4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
There are three main characters for which casting is of utmost importance. I could see Brian White as Jayson, the lead character; Antwon Tanner, as Thaddeus; and Lance Gross as Erik. That’s of course, IF they’d be open to playing gay characters.
5. What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?
On his quest for freedom and independence, Jayson comes face-to-face with fear, and the harsh realities of being young, gay, and black in the 80's ― when house music reigned, friendships were treasured, and AIDS ravaged an already isolated Community.
6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency/publisher?
Because of my control issues, I’ve decided to self-publish this one. I anticipate a Spring 2013 release.
7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
I actually started writing in 1998 rather feverishly, but life happened (career, graduate school, law school) and I stopped writing. Then, I lost what I’d written and saved to a thumb drive; I decided that it wasn’t in the cards for me to write the story. I later found it while cleaning my home office in 2011. Finding it was, to me, confirmation that I had to finish what I’d started. I wrote rather consistently for about a year and finished July 22, 2012. I started to cry after I typed the last word of the first draft.
8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
I really don’t think it’s like any other story, however, “Invisible Life,” by E. Lynn Harris, comes to mind. There are elements to the story that might seem similar or familiar because life tends to affect us in similar ways – either directly or indirectly, but I don’t believe THIS story’s been written, though I think it’s been lived by many.
9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?
1) An amazing partner who made me a believer in same gender love,
2) Some incredible friends who lost their battle with AIDS and received no medal for the fight, and
3) words contained in a random email I opened at work one day, that reminded me of why I am still here.
10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Lovers of 80’s and 90’s music will appreciate the trip down memory lane, as lyrics from the era are scattered throughout the story….dancing is, of course, in the title, right?
Intrigued? Watch the trailer for “Dancing Like Nobody’s Watching – Contra Dance” here: http://animoto.com/play/oFKc0dG9OkGUn...
I love the cover for this book--it has so much movemnet and promise. Check it out here: http://tahallthewriter.bravesites.com...
Well this has been fun. If you missed my previous post on my next big thing, a collaboration with Randy Ott, you can read about it here. http://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_...
Special thanks to my fellow writer and friend, Andrew. Q. Gordon, who tagged me. Read an excerpt from his latest release, “The Last Grand Master,” here: http://andrewqgordon.com/2013/02/01/w...
http://www.larrybenjamin.com/
1. What is the working title of your book?
Dancing Like Nobody’s Watching – Contra Dance
2. Where did the idea come from for the book?
The idea to write the book came to me in 1998 while caring for my partner of 10 years who was dying of AIDS. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had slipped into a slight depression. I was in my late twenties carrying an enormous amount of responsibility which I was emotionally ill equipped to handle. To have such a wholesome, fulfilling relationship deteriorate before my eyes, not through any fault of either one of us, was difficult. I didn’t think I’d ever have a relationship like that again until the day I opened an email that contained a piece of prose entitled “Happiness is a Journey” by Crystal Boyd. It inspired me to write a story that would encourage others to keep dancing (i.e. living) until their journey ends.
3. What is the genre of the book?
I am not sure exactly how to categorize it. I guess Contemporary m/m romance would be the best description.
4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
There are three main characters for which casting is of utmost importance. I could see Brian White as Jayson, the lead character; Antwon Tanner, as Thaddeus; and Lance Gross as Erik. That’s of course, IF they’d be open to playing gay characters.
5. What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?
On his quest for freedom and independence, Jayson comes face-to-face with fear, and the harsh realities of being young, gay, and black in the 80's ― when house music reigned, friendships were treasured, and AIDS ravaged an already isolated Community.
6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency/publisher?
Because of my control issues, I’ve decided to self-publish this one. I anticipate a Spring 2013 release.
7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
I actually started writing in 1998 rather feverishly, but life happened (career, graduate school, law school) and I stopped writing. Then, I lost what I’d written and saved to a thumb drive; I decided that it wasn’t in the cards for me to write the story. I later found it while cleaning my home office in 2011. Finding it was, to me, confirmation that I had to finish what I’d started. I wrote rather consistently for about a year and finished July 22, 2012. I started to cry after I typed the last word of the first draft.
8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
I really don’t think it’s like any other story, however, “Invisible Life,” by E. Lynn Harris, comes to mind. There are elements to the story that might seem similar or familiar because life tends to affect us in similar ways – either directly or indirectly, but I don’t believe THIS story’s been written, though I think it’s been lived by many.
9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?
1) An amazing partner who made me a believer in same gender love,
2) Some incredible friends who lost their battle with AIDS and received no medal for the fight, and
3) words contained in a random email I opened at work one day, that reminded me of why I am still here.
10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Lovers of 80’s and 90’s music will appreciate the trip down memory lane, as lyrics from the era are scattered throughout the story….dancing is, of course, in the title, right?
Intrigued? Watch the trailer for “Dancing Like Nobody’s Watching – Contra Dance” here: http://animoto.com/play/oFKc0dG9OkGUn...
I love the cover for this book--it has so much movemnet and promise. Check it out here: http://tahallthewriter.bravesites.com...
Well this has been fun. If you missed my previous post on my next big thing, a collaboration with Randy Ott, you can read about it here. http://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_...
Special thanks to my fellow writer and friend, Andrew. Q. Gordon, who tagged me. Read an excerpt from his latest release, “The Last Grand Master,” here: http://andrewqgordon.com/2013/02/01/w...
http://www.larrybenjamin.com/
January 27, 2013
The Next, Next Big Thing - Blog hop
I was tagged for the Next Blog Hop. Again. This time by my friend and fellow author, Andrew Q. Gordon. Fortunately, I recently began work on a fourth book with the amazing Randy Ott. More on that in a minute.
I’d like to thank Andrew (in my head I call to him as “Q” but I’m not sure how he’d take that, so we’ll stick to “Andrew” here) for tagging me. If you missed Andrew’s Blog Hop post, last week, you can read it here: http://andrewqgordon.com/2013/01/20/t... And, he has a new book, “The Last Grand Master,” releasing February 1. You can learn more about it here: http://andrewqgordon.com/2013/01/25/t...
Now, onto my—and Randy’s—Next Big Thing:
1. What is the working title of your book?
In one of our early email conversations, I told Randy that I thought he was a remarkable man. He dismissed my admiration by writing back, “I'm nothing special…when you get knocked down, you pull up your big girl panties and take on another day.” We both agreed that at least for a working title, we had to use “Pull Up Your Big Girl Panties.”
2. Where did the idea come from?
Larry: Randy approached me with the idea of writing his life story. He asked if I’d be willing to help him tell his story. Once he ran down the highlights, I realized it was a remarkable story, unlike any I’ve heard or read before. I knew he needed to tell his story and I wanted to help him tell that story.
Randy: I’ve been told many times I should write a book about all I’ve been through. Up until a few months ago I sort of shrugged it off. I know I’ve survived and thrived no matter what’s been thrown at me but this is my life. I don’t know what it’s like to live any other way. It’s just what I’ve been handed.
3. What is the genre of your book?
Absolutely it’s a memoir, and maybe inspirational, with lots of humor thrown in.
4. Which actors would you chose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
Randy: I really don’t know. Probably more than one because of the physical size change. Maybe Kiefer Sutherland post weight loss/post accident.
5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
It’s a story of survival, of resilience, of one unstoppable man who survives an HIV then AIDS diagnosis, falls into depression and eats and cries and cries and eats until he weighs 347 pounds, undergoes Bariatric Surgery, loses 186 pounds, then gets into a car accident, which leaves him with a level 2 and 3 lacerated liver and spleen, 14 broken ribs, head trauma, coma and congestive heart failure.
6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency/publisher?
We’re looking to use a publisher rather than self-publishing. That’s the route I went for my first two books and it seems to work well for me.
7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
We’re actually just beginning to work on the project. We have an outline, Randy will be working from.
8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Randy: I don’t know of any quite like this off hand. I think that’s what will make it pull you in.
Larry: I have to agree. It’s a touching story of strength and resilience and determination. It’s full of drama but Randy tells it without melodrama or self-pity. And he laughs at himself and his situation. I think that’s what makes this book unique.
9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?
Larry: Just hearing Randy’s story and getting to know him over the last couple of months made me want to help tell this story. He is such a remarkable man. He’s been through so much yet he remains strong, upbeat and positive in attitude. He should be an example and an inspiration to us all.
Randy: I ran a weekly support group for weight loss surgery patients for about two and a half years. I tried to use my 186 pound weight loss to inspire the pre-op patients and recent post-op patients. I tried to show them that it takes determination but it can be done. There have been some patients who have told me that I really helped them. Several told me they wouldn’t have made it without my weekly Pep Rally. I figure if I can be such a help to our group, maybe through my book can I help others, who out there alone, with no support system them, get through the rough days so they can succeed, too.
Secondly, I only personally know one person who has lived with HIV longer than I. Knowing my status can show currently diagnosed people that it’s no longer a death sentence. You just have to find a good Infectious Diseases Doctor, find the right meds for your strain of HIV, then TAKE YOUR MEDS. I mentored a patient for a local clinic to get him on the right track. Once diagnosed, taking your meds becomes like your job. You take them as directed and never miss a dose. No excuses if you wants to live. It’s simple!
Third and last, recovery from a horrific car crash. The first trauma team doctor didn’t want to operate on me. He said it was a waste of time. A second team was willing to operate. However, that doctor said IF I survived I, most likely, wouldn’t walk or talk again. Anybody who knows me knows you can’t shut me up.
I walked in a 5K last Summer and plan to run in one this Spring. Recovery was worse than anything I can describe in a few sentences. But after 34 days in the hospital I went home. Slowly I got rid of the walker then the cane. Now I walk/run on the treadmill and outside. Recovery is in your lap. If you want it badly enough, you just have to fight like hell, Pull Up Your Big Girl Panties and take responsibility for your mental and physical well-being.
10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Randy: It’s just a feel good story about someone beating the odd 3 times and still ready to take on the day and crack a few jokes along the way.
Larry: If you’ve read either of my books, you know I have a distinctive voice. Randy has his own way of expressing himself. And the story will be told entirely from his point of view. Until now, writing, for me, has been a solitary experience, so I’m looking forward to the complexity and excitement of working collaboratively, of subordinating my voice to Randy’s.
Once again this has been fun—what’s more fun than writing about writing? Thanks for reading. We’re going to close with eth opening lines from “Pull Up Your Big Girl Panties:”
I stood speechless and watched Mother drown puppy after puppy in a galvanized bucket. She held them under the water until their helpless little bodies gave up, and stopped swimming, I knew then, I was going to have to work hard and become a fighter if I was going to survive.
I was 7 years old.
I tag another new author and friend, T.A. Hall, whose debut novel, “Dancing Like Nobody's Watching - Contra Dance,” will be out this Spring. I’ll be hosting his blog post here next Monday February 4, so stop by to check it out. For more on T.A. Hall, visit his website at: http://tahallthewriter.bravesites.com/
I’d like to thank Andrew (in my head I call to him as “Q” but I’m not sure how he’d take that, so we’ll stick to “Andrew” here) for tagging me. If you missed Andrew’s Blog Hop post, last week, you can read it here: http://andrewqgordon.com/2013/01/20/t... And, he has a new book, “The Last Grand Master,” releasing February 1. You can learn more about it here: http://andrewqgordon.com/2013/01/25/t...
Now, onto my—and Randy’s—Next Big Thing:
1. What is the working title of your book?
In one of our early email conversations, I told Randy that I thought he was a remarkable man. He dismissed my admiration by writing back, “I'm nothing special…when you get knocked down, you pull up your big girl panties and take on another day.” We both agreed that at least for a working title, we had to use “Pull Up Your Big Girl Panties.”
2. Where did the idea come from?
Larry: Randy approached me with the idea of writing his life story. He asked if I’d be willing to help him tell his story. Once he ran down the highlights, I realized it was a remarkable story, unlike any I’ve heard or read before. I knew he needed to tell his story and I wanted to help him tell that story.
Randy: I’ve been told many times I should write a book about all I’ve been through. Up until a few months ago I sort of shrugged it off. I know I’ve survived and thrived no matter what’s been thrown at me but this is my life. I don’t know what it’s like to live any other way. It’s just what I’ve been handed.
3. What is the genre of your book?
Absolutely it’s a memoir, and maybe inspirational, with lots of humor thrown in.
4. Which actors would you chose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
Randy: I really don’t know. Probably more than one because of the physical size change. Maybe Kiefer Sutherland post weight loss/post accident.
5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
It’s a story of survival, of resilience, of one unstoppable man who survives an HIV then AIDS diagnosis, falls into depression and eats and cries and cries and eats until he weighs 347 pounds, undergoes Bariatric Surgery, loses 186 pounds, then gets into a car accident, which leaves him with a level 2 and 3 lacerated liver and spleen, 14 broken ribs, head trauma, coma and congestive heart failure.
6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency/publisher?
We’re looking to use a publisher rather than self-publishing. That’s the route I went for my first two books and it seems to work well for me.
7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
We’re actually just beginning to work on the project. We have an outline, Randy will be working from.
8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Randy: I don’t know of any quite like this off hand. I think that’s what will make it pull you in.
Larry: I have to agree. It’s a touching story of strength and resilience and determination. It’s full of drama but Randy tells it without melodrama or self-pity. And he laughs at himself and his situation. I think that’s what makes this book unique.
9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?
Larry: Just hearing Randy’s story and getting to know him over the last couple of months made me want to help tell this story. He is such a remarkable man. He’s been through so much yet he remains strong, upbeat and positive in attitude. He should be an example and an inspiration to us all.
Randy: I ran a weekly support group for weight loss surgery patients for about two and a half years. I tried to use my 186 pound weight loss to inspire the pre-op patients and recent post-op patients. I tried to show them that it takes determination but it can be done. There have been some patients who have told me that I really helped them. Several told me they wouldn’t have made it without my weekly Pep Rally. I figure if I can be such a help to our group, maybe through my book can I help others, who out there alone, with no support system them, get through the rough days so they can succeed, too.
Secondly, I only personally know one person who has lived with HIV longer than I. Knowing my status can show currently diagnosed people that it’s no longer a death sentence. You just have to find a good Infectious Diseases Doctor, find the right meds for your strain of HIV, then TAKE YOUR MEDS. I mentored a patient for a local clinic to get him on the right track. Once diagnosed, taking your meds becomes like your job. You take them as directed and never miss a dose. No excuses if you wants to live. It’s simple!
Third and last, recovery from a horrific car crash. The first trauma team doctor didn’t want to operate on me. He said it was a waste of time. A second team was willing to operate. However, that doctor said IF I survived I, most likely, wouldn’t walk or talk again. Anybody who knows me knows you can’t shut me up.
I walked in a 5K last Summer and plan to run in one this Spring. Recovery was worse than anything I can describe in a few sentences. But after 34 days in the hospital I went home. Slowly I got rid of the walker then the cane. Now I walk/run on the treadmill and outside. Recovery is in your lap. If you want it badly enough, you just have to fight like hell, Pull Up Your Big Girl Panties and take responsibility for your mental and physical well-being.
10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Randy: It’s just a feel good story about someone beating the odd 3 times and still ready to take on the day and crack a few jokes along the way.
Larry: If you’ve read either of my books, you know I have a distinctive voice. Randy has his own way of expressing himself. And the story will be told entirely from his point of view. Until now, writing, for me, has been a solitary experience, so I’m looking forward to the complexity and excitement of working collaboratively, of subordinating my voice to Randy’s.
Once again this has been fun—what’s more fun than writing about writing? Thanks for reading. We’re going to close with eth opening lines from “Pull Up Your Big Girl Panties:”
I stood speechless and watched Mother drown puppy after puppy in a galvanized bucket. She held them under the water until their helpless little bodies gave up, and stopped swimming, I knew then, I was going to have to work hard and become a fighter if I was going to survive.
I was 7 years old.
I tag another new author and friend, T.A. Hall, whose debut novel, “Dancing Like Nobody's Watching - Contra Dance,” will be out this Spring. I’ll be hosting his blog post here next Monday February 4, so stop by to check it out. For more on T.A. Hall, visit his website at: http://tahallthewriter.bravesites.com/
December 30, 2012
How to Survive Holiday Entertaining
So now that the holidays are pretty much behind us (New Year’s doesn’t count—really a day devoted to Mummers and football is a holiday in my book), I thought I’d share the secrets to successful holiday entertaining. There are, you see, rules―secret, unspoken. Until now.
Invitees
Don’t invite your relatives. You are friends with your friends for as reason—they like you and you like them. You spend time together because you want to. No growing up stories or bond of blood ties you together. There aren’t decades of buried resentment between you, or sibling rivalries.
If you must ignore my advice and invite your mother, be sure to leave something uncleaned (see “Cleaning” below). She will spot it immediately and set to work scrubbing and polishing, leaving you free of her company. Also if she can criticize your housekeeping abilities, she will be less likely to criticize the person you’ve chosen to marry/date/cohabitate with/fuck, or the fact that your dog sleeps in your bed.
Cleaning
Don’t befriend anyone taller than you—this allows you not to worry about what the top of your range hood or refrigerator looks like.
Don’t befriend anyone who has a neater, more organized house than you do. Trust me, you’ll regret having them over.
Remove from your invite list friends who have a child who is crawling. Nothing reveals that your gorgeous Brazilian Cherry floors have not been mopped in two years, faster than a 12-month old crawling across said Brazilian Cherry floors in spotless Baby Gap attire.
When having guests, clean the bathroom last. When you finish cleaning the bathroom, sit on the toilet and look around. Women are more observant than men and far more likely to both be in this position and have the time to look around. Make sure there is nothing for them to see.
Speaking of which, remove the sex toys and/or Viagra from the medicine cabinet. Make a note to find a new home for these after the party; they don’t belong in the medicine cabinet.
Cooking
Be firm about your menu and style of eating—buffet? Sit down? Cocktails on the back lawn? We prefer sit-downs with the good china and Grammy’s silver. I always politely refuse offers to contribute a portion of the meal. I like to control my entire menu including dessert and wine selection. Potluck doesn’t work for me. I know that. Everyone I know, knows that.
Mix it Up
Don’t be afraid to invite people who don’t know each other—they have you in common so chances are they will have other shared interests.
Same goes for the food. For Christmas we mixed ethnicities—Asian inspired cranberry-kumquat relish and southern Smoked Sausage Jambalaya. We like to mix the fancy with the mundane so we had served caramelized onion & orange relish in pastry shells and sliced pear on blue cheese drizzled with dark chocolate balsamic vinegar on homemade French bread alongside pigs in a blanket. What boomer doesn’t remember those from childhood and who doesn’t find comfort in biting into a cocktail frank wrapped in dough?
Remember: Grace Under Pressure
Accidents happen: glasses break, wine gets spilled. (For our commitment ceremony, Stanley was terrified of red wine stains so the entire menu was built to complement white wine and champagne.) In the event of an accident, always act gracefully and ease your unfortunate guest’s embarrassment—remember he or she feels badly enough. Did your neighbor get too enthusiastic during the toast and shatter the vintage stemware you’d coveted practically since birth and finally inherited from great aunt Fiona after falsifying her will? Shrug and say “Oh thank you—I hated those glasses. Now I have an excuse to get ones I really like!”
Relax
Really, relax—if you’re relaxed and having fun, your guest will too.
Want to know more about me? Visit: http://www.larrybenjamin.com/
Invitees
Don’t invite your relatives. You are friends with your friends for as reason—they like you and you like them. You spend time together because you want to. No growing up stories or bond of blood ties you together. There aren’t decades of buried resentment between you, or sibling rivalries.
If you must ignore my advice and invite your mother, be sure to leave something uncleaned (see “Cleaning” below). She will spot it immediately and set to work scrubbing and polishing, leaving you free of her company. Also if she can criticize your housekeeping abilities, she will be less likely to criticize the person you’ve chosen to marry/date/cohabitate with/fuck, or the fact that your dog sleeps in your bed.
Cleaning
Don’t befriend anyone taller than you—this allows you not to worry about what the top of your range hood or refrigerator looks like.
Don’t befriend anyone who has a neater, more organized house than you do. Trust me, you’ll regret having them over.
Remove from your invite list friends who have a child who is crawling. Nothing reveals that your gorgeous Brazilian Cherry floors have not been mopped in two years, faster than a 12-month old crawling across said Brazilian Cherry floors in spotless Baby Gap attire.
When having guests, clean the bathroom last. When you finish cleaning the bathroom, sit on the toilet and look around. Women are more observant than men and far more likely to both be in this position and have the time to look around. Make sure there is nothing for them to see.
Speaking of which, remove the sex toys and/or Viagra from the medicine cabinet. Make a note to find a new home for these after the party; they don’t belong in the medicine cabinet.
Cooking
Be firm about your menu and style of eating—buffet? Sit down? Cocktails on the back lawn? We prefer sit-downs with the good china and Grammy’s silver. I always politely refuse offers to contribute a portion of the meal. I like to control my entire menu including dessert and wine selection. Potluck doesn’t work for me. I know that. Everyone I know, knows that.
Mix it Up
Don’t be afraid to invite people who don’t know each other—they have you in common so chances are they will have other shared interests.
Same goes for the food. For Christmas we mixed ethnicities—Asian inspired cranberry-kumquat relish and southern Smoked Sausage Jambalaya. We like to mix the fancy with the mundane so we had served caramelized onion & orange relish in pastry shells and sliced pear on blue cheese drizzled with dark chocolate balsamic vinegar on homemade French bread alongside pigs in a blanket. What boomer doesn’t remember those from childhood and who doesn’t find comfort in biting into a cocktail frank wrapped in dough?
Remember: Grace Under Pressure
Accidents happen: glasses break, wine gets spilled. (For our commitment ceremony, Stanley was terrified of red wine stains so the entire menu was built to complement white wine and champagne.) In the event of an accident, always act gracefully and ease your unfortunate guest’s embarrassment—remember he or she feels badly enough. Did your neighbor get too enthusiastic during the toast and shatter the vintage stemware you’d coveted practically since birth and finally inherited from great aunt Fiona after falsifying her will? Shrug and say “Oh thank you—I hated those glasses. Now I have an excuse to get ones I really like!”
Relax
Really, relax—if you’re relaxed and having fun, your guest will too.
Want to know more about me? Visit: http://www.larrybenjamin.com/
December 19, 2012
The Next Big Thing Blog Hop
My fellow m/m romance author, Dev Bentham, tagged me in The Next Big Thing Blog Hop and I couldn’t be more thrilled. If I’m writing about writing, I don’t actually have to write, right? And as luck would have it, I actually do have a next Big Thing I’m working on. I’m working on my third book less than a year after publication of my first book, What Binds Us. (Carina Press released Deb’s and my debut novels on the same day last March. If you missed Deb’s Next Big Thing post, you can read it here http://www.devbentham.com/)
1. What is the working title of your book?
His Name was José. But already I have another title in mind because as I near the end of the book, I realize the story is larger, bigger than just the one main character.
2. Where did the idea come from?
Back in June, All Things Queer in South Africa (@AllThingsQueer.co.za) posed a question on Twitter: “How old were you when you first realised you're gay/lesbian/bi/trans/queer?”
I thought back to “the moment,“ and quickly tweeted: “I was 12 & in 7th grade. He was the new kid. His name was Jose. He walked into 4th period music, smiled & changed everything”
Over the next few days I thought about that tweet a lot and about Jose and how, without meaning to, or even knowing it, he changed my entire life. Because I’m a dreamer, I began to imagine what would have happened if he’d been like me. And because I’m a writer, I started to write that story. This created two challenges—first I had to remember my 12 year old self (Lincoln in the book) and how I felt at that moment of discovery, a life changing moment. Second, I had to create Jose. Outside of his physical resemblance to the real Jose and the feelings he evoked, Jose of the book’s title is wholly fictional, as is their love story which spans nearly forty years.
3. What is the genre of your book?
I think it’s a difficult book to categorize. The easy choice here is contemporary m/m romance but I’ve read reviews that claim my books are less romance than literary fiction. I really I think I’d like to just create a new category. While my books always have a romantic angle, they encompass much more, so I think the romance category is too narrow and a little misleading. Also, for me the words are as important as the story which is why I tend to describe myself as a wordsmith rather than a writer. I try to tell a good story but really I just want to create something beautiful. In the end, I don’t care so much about its genre as that it’s good writing that readers enjoy.
4. Which actors would you chose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
The main characters in “Jose” are black and Puerto Rican and that creates a challenge—at least for me—to name two actors who could play them. As described in the book, both Jose and Lincoln have distinctive looks; looking at the current roster of actors that I know, I can’t think of any who would be right for either one. Let’s hope when I sell the movie rights some creative casting director will be able to fill the roles!
5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
You want me to describe my book in one sentence? Have you not read either of my books? I can’t describe anything in one sentence, but I’ll give it a shot.
When Lincoln comes home from kindergarten and announces he will marry his best friend, Orlando, when he grows up, his parents spring into action determined to unbend him; it’s a battle of wills as Lincoln is determined to be himself at all costs.
6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency/publisher?
It will be represented by a publisher, although I guess I should tell my editor about it. Wonder if she reads my blog….
7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
It typically takes me about a year to write a book. I start with an idea then develop an endpoint and work towards that. I like to think of the story as the skeleton, then I add flesh which is characters and events in the story. Then I build the connective tissue which ties it all together. It’s a creative, chaotic process but it works for me. I started “Jose” in June, planning to complete the first draft before Thanksgiving. Now I’m thinking January. While I’m anxious to finish it, I find my books are better if I don’t rush the story but rather let my characters reveal the story to me at their own pace.
8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
I don’t know that there are any other books I’d compare it to. Certainly there are hundreds of other m/m romances out there but with “Jose,” as with What Binds Us and Damaged Angels, I tried to move the characters’ relationship out of the romantic bubble and into the “real” world. In “Jose,” I toss them up again parents who are unhappy with their relationship, the demands of jobs and family and just the general challenge of being gay and out in a predominantly straight world. And, while the cast is integrated, the main characters are Puerto Rican and black, come from the Bronx and aren’t involved with gangs, which you don’t see a lot in m/m romance.
9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?
There was a lot inspiration here. First I think I inspired myself. This is in a very real sense my story. It’s a story of a sissy kid who learned to stand up for himself, to fight for himself when no one else would. And the real Jose inspired it. At 12, I thought he was the handsomest boy in the world. But he was also smart and kind. He was one of the few kids who didn’t bully me or make fun of me. In the book, I try to highlight that quality. In the book, he takes a stand and stands up for Lincoln until Lincoln learns to stand up for himself.
And it was inspired by all the parents who wish their gay children weren’t. Lincoln endures a series of small abuses at the hands of his parents who think they are doing good by trying to “make a man of him.” And finally all the gay kids out there who think there is something wrong with them, who think it will never get better. I wanted to write a story to show them that it does get better but it only if we make it better by coming out, by standing up, by fighting back.
Finally standing up to his parents when he is a freshman in college, Lincoln writes:
“My entire life, I’d swallowed their edits, and punishments, and tiny cruelties like so many bitter pills. I was finally done swallowing pills.”
And when Jose finally stands up to his mother, demanding she accept him and his love for Lincoln, he tells Lincoln:
“I’m just sick of this shit. You know, when I was done fighting the fact that I loved you, that I was gay, I thought I was done fighting. But now, I discover the fighting has just begun.”
10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
The book opens with the protagonist at age six and picks up again when he falls in love with Jose at twelve. To describe what desire feels like at twelve, what attraction feels like at twelve, was a challenge but it also allowed me to explore romantic love outside of sexual desire and then the explosiveness of sexual discovery when Lincoln finally figures out what exactly it is he wants from Jose.
With “Jose,” which is written in the first person, I wanted to create the sense the narrator was flipping through a box of old photos and stopping at random photos each of which stirs a memory—some more complex than others, some telling a story, some just describing a depth of feeling, or an event. The approach allowed me more flexibility in the story so the protagonist can jump forward and backward in time. It adds complexity to the story but it also allows the reader a peek into what is coming.
This has been great fun for me—I hope it has been for you too. I tag the fun and fabulous Debbie McGowan, author and publisher of Beaten Track Publishing.
Debbie’s Blog http://ow.ly/geceO (look for her Next Big Thing Blog post around 12/27) and her website is here: http://ow.ly/gec64
I also tag, Drake Braxton, author of MISSING, which is at the top of my to-read list. You can find Drake’s blog here http://ow.ly/gebUw (look for his Next Big Thing Blog post around 12/27).
For more about me and my writing, visit: www.larrybenjamin.com
Thanks for reading and have a wonderful holiday!
1. What is the working title of your book?
His Name was José. But already I have another title in mind because as I near the end of the book, I realize the story is larger, bigger than just the one main character.
2. Where did the idea come from?
Back in June, All Things Queer in South Africa (@AllThingsQueer.co.za) posed a question on Twitter: “How old were you when you first realised you're gay/lesbian/bi/trans/queer?”
I thought back to “the moment,“ and quickly tweeted: “I was 12 & in 7th grade. He was the new kid. His name was Jose. He walked into 4th period music, smiled & changed everything”
Over the next few days I thought about that tweet a lot and about Jose and how, without meaning to, or even knowing it, he changed my entire life. Because I’m a dreamer, I began to imagine what would have happened if he’d been like me. And because I’m a writer, I started to write that story. This created two challenges—first I had to remember my 12 year old self (Lincoln in the book) and how I felt at that moment of discovery, a life changing moment. Second, I had to create Jose. Outside of his physical resemblance to the real Jose and the feelings he evoked, Jose of the book’s title is wholly fictional, as is their love story which spans nearly forty years.
3. What is the genre of your book?
I think it’s a difficult book to categorize. The easy choice here is contemporary m/m romance but I’ve read reviews that claim my books are less romance than literary fiction. I really I think I’d like to just create a new category. While my books always have a romantic angle, they encompass much more, so I think the romance category is too narrow and a little misleading. Also, for me the words are as important as the story which is why I tend to describe myself as a wordsmith rather than a writer. I try to tell a good story but really I just want to create something beautiful. In the end, I don’t care so much about its genre as that it’s good writing that readers enjoy.
4. Which actors would you chose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
The main characters in “Jose” are black and Puerto Rican and that creates a challenge—at least for me—to name two actors who could play them. As described in the book, both Jose and Lincoln have distinctive looks; looking at the current roster of actors that I know, I can’t think of any who would be right for either one. Let’s hope when I sell the movie rights some creative casting director will be able to fill the roles!
5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
You want me to describe my book in one sentence? Have you not read either of my books? I can’t describe anything in one sentence, but I’ll give it a shot.
When Lincoln comes home from kindergarten and announces he will marry his best friend, Orlando, when he grows up, his parents spring into action determined to unbend him; it’s a battle of wills as Lincoln is determined to be himself at all costs.
6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency/publisher?
It will be represented by a publisher, although I guess I should tell my editor about it. Wonder if she reads my blog….
7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
It typically takes me about a year to write a book. I start with an idea then develop an endpoint and work towards that. I like to think of the story as the skeleton, then I add flesh which is characters and events in the story. Then I build the connective tissue which ties it all together. It’s a creative, chaotic process but it works for me. I started “Jose” in June, planning to complete the first draft before Thanksgiving. Now I’m thinking January. While I’m anxious to finish it, I find my books are better if I don’t rush the story but rather let my characters reveal the story to me at their own pace.
8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
I don’t know that there are any other books I’d compare it to. Certainly there are hundreds of other m/m romances out there but with “Jose,” as with What Binds Us and Damaged Angels, I tried to move the characters’ relationship out of the romantic bubble and into the “real” world. In “Jose,” I toss them up again parents who are unhappy with their relationship, the demands of jobs and family and just the general challenge of being gay and out in a predominantly straight world. And, while the cast is integrated, the main characters are Puerto Rican and black, come from the Bronx and aren’t involved with gangs, which you don’t see a lot in m/m romance.
9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?
There was a lot inspiration here. First I think I inspired myself. This is in a very real sense my story. It’s a story of a sissy kid who learned to stand up for himself, to fight for himself when no one else would. And the real Jose inspired it. At 12, I thought he was the handsomest boy in the world. But he was also smart and kind. He was one of the few kids who didn’t bully me or make fun of me. In the book, I try to highlight that quality. In the book, he takes a stand and stands up for Lincoln until Lincoln learns to stand up for himself.
And it was inspired by all the parents who wish their gay children weren’t. Lincoln endures a series of small abuses at the hands of his parents who think they are doing good by trying to “make a man of him.” And finally all the gay kids out there who think there is something wrong with them, who think it will never get better. I wanted to write a story to show them that it does get better but it only if we make it better by coming out, by standing up, by fighting back.
Finally standing up to his parents when he is a freshman in college, Lincoln writes:
“My entire life, I’d swallowed their edits, and punishments, and tiny cruelties like so many bitter pills. I was finally done swallowing pills.”
And when Jose finally stands up to his mother, demanding she accept him and his love for Lincoln, he tells Lincoln:
“I’m just sick of this shit. You know, when I was done fighting the fact that I loved you, that I was gay, I thought I was done fighting. But now, I discover the fighting has just begun.”
10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
The book opens with the protagonist at age six and picks up again when he falls in love with Jose at twelve. To describe what desire feels like at twelve, what attraction feels like at twelve, was a challenge but it also allowed me to explore romantic love outside of sexual desire and then the explosiveness of sexual discovery when Lincoln finally figures out what exactly it is he wants from Jose.
With “Jose,” which is written in the first person, I wanted to create the sense the narrator was flipping through a box of old photos and stopping at random photos each of which stirs a memory—some more complex than others, some telling a story, some just describing a depth of feeling, or an event. The approach allowed me more flexibility in the story so the protagonist can jump forward and backward in time. It adds complexity to the story but it also allows the reader a peek into what is coming.
This has been great fun for me—I hope it has been for you too. I tag the fun and fabulous Debbie McGowan, author and publisher of Beaten Track Publishing.
Debbie’s Blog http://ow.ly/geceO (look for her Next Big Thing Blog post around 12/27) and her website is here: http://ow.ly/gec64
I also tag, Drake Braxton, author of MISSING, which is at the top of my to-read list. You can find Drake’s blog here http://ow.ly/gebUw (look for his Next Big Thing Blog post around 12/27).
For more about me and my writing, visit: www.larrybenjamin.com
Thanks for reading and have a wonderful holiday!
November 26, 2012
On Gay Sons, Mothers & Fiction
My mother and I share a difficult, strained relationship. Lately, she has taken to ending our rare conversations with “I love you.” I dutifully respond, “I love you, too,” when in fact I want to ask: Do you? Do you love me? Do you even know who I am?
One Christmas a few years ago—one of the last we spent together as a family—my mother suddenly blurted, “You know I’ve only ever told one person you were gay.” Her words, like a sniper’s bullet tore a hole in my heart, all feeling draining away. That she said this without apparent malice did not lessen the hurt.
I know from my own experience, the relationship between mothers and their gay sons can be tricky, and painful. I’ve mentioned before that my experiences, emotions, and relationships often form the basis for my fiction. So, I thought I’d look at how my own mother has influenced my work and the way I portray mothers. Not surprisingly, the mothers in my writing all contain an element of my mother’s personality.
There are two different mothers in What Binds Us . Thomas’s mother is loving, and supportive, and means everything to Thomas, while Mrs. Whyte is so distant and formidable even her husband and sons call her Mrs. Whyte. Thomas’ mother becomes by default a surrogate mother to Dondi and Matthew in much the same way my own mother used to mother whoever we hauled home as she mothered us.
“In what alternate universe?” my friend, having met my mother, asked when I mentioned that Thomas’ mother was based on my own mother. “Thomas’ mother was not at all like your mother,” she insisted.
I was confused because Thomas’ mother was loving and supportive, just like my own mother. And then I realized, my friend only knew this newer, other mother, this changeling who’d replaced the mother of my youth.
The mothers in Damaged Angels cover a broader spectrum of motherhood and mothering styles, from the indifferent, absent mother of the hustler Jordan in “2 Rivers”―
It was as if his pregnant mother, feeling the pains of labor while out for an afternoon stroll, had simply squatted behind a bush, pulled up her dress, and birthed him. Then, the delivery made, had stood up, smoothed her hair, straightened her dress, and continued her walk, leaving the infant Jordan where he lay.
―to the domineering, overprotective mother in “Spam,” who, when her adolescent son attempts to escape her influence by descending into madness, simply follows him.
“Spam” was based on an incident involving my older brother and his best friend at the time, a boy named Angel. The incident has always intrigued me. I simply exaggerated it and took it to an outrageous conclusion. What I wanted most with writing “Spam” was to capture the insularity of Billy’s experience. He eats cereal with boiled milk and thinks nothing of it. My mother always boiled milk for our cereal; I was a freshman in college before I learned that cereal was meant to be eaten with cold milk.
The mother in “Chance’s Hand” is actually an amalgamation of main character Chas’ mother and father, merged into a single nagging, disappointed voice at the other end of the phone. Chas, slowly collapsing under the weight of his mother’s demands and expectations, describes his childhood:
Growing up seemed less a preparation for adulthood than a slow chafing away of childish desires (I want to be an astronaut, a painter), a flaying of the ego…a learning to do what was expected, be who you were expected to be.
Most telling of Chas’ relationship with his mother is a scene in which she questions whether or not he intends to leave his fiancé:
“Well, you can’t mean to abandon her. You gave her your grandmother’s ring!”
“No, Mother. You gave her my grandmother’s ring.”
In “The Seduction of the Angel Gabriel,” Gabriel frames his childhood for Malcolm by telling him the story of his mother’s attempted suicide.
Malcolm can see it now: a mother’s desperation; a child’s fear; and everywhere red blood, the color of loss. Although it was a man that he held in his arms, it was a child whose tears he wiped away.
Here, too, like Alfred Hitchcock, my mother makes an appearance in the form of her prom picture, which sits on a shelf in my office and which, in the story, Gabriel finds in Malcolm’s pristine white apartment:
He is holding an old black-and-white photograph of a slender young girl in a strapless gown with voluminous skirts leaning against a stone wall. Both girl and wall are drowned in moonlight.
In rereading these stories I can pinpoint the exact nature of my relationship with my mother at the time the story was written. Perhaps through writing mother-son relationships, I hope to understand my own relationship with my mother. Or maybe I just find mothers interesting characters because they are different, other, unknowable. Child birth seems to change women. In the farcical, “Howdy Billy, Cabbage Ma’am,” Billy writes:
“I once met a woman who had three sons, all of whom she named Pablo―Pablo Jose, Juan Pablo, and finally Pablo Pablo. Something must happen to women when they are carrying children.”
“Howdy Billy, Cabbage Ma’am,” was inspired by a single extraordinary sentence my mother once spoke. In fact that exact sentence appears in the book and baffles protagonist Billy as much as it baffled me:
“The Jews,” my mother announced, “love hard-boiled eggs.”
Later when Billy’s mother’s secret is revealed in a semi dark room, he says:
I confronted both my mothers at once.
Quite often in speaking to my mother I feel as if I am trying to reach two different women―the changeling and the original woman she was. I long, most, for the mother she was.
As I was working on this post, my mother called, unexpectedly, from Maryland, where they’d gone to spend Thanksgiving with my cousin. “Good morning,” she trilled, “I just called to check on you and see how your morning was going?”
What? Huh? Who are you? I wanted to ask. Then I realized it was simply my mother, the changeling.
Buy What Binds Us http://www.amazon.com/What-Binds-Us-e...
Read the first story from Damaged Angels : http://www.amazon.com/Damaged-Angels-...
Buy Damaged Angels : http://www.amazon.com/Damaged-Angels-...
One Christmas a few years ago—one of the last we spent together as a family—my mother suddenly blurted, “You know I’ve only ever told one person you were gay.” Her words, like a sniper’s bullet tore a hole in my heart, all feeling draining away. That she said this without apparent malice did not lessen the hurt.
I know from my own experience, the relationship between mothers and their gay sons can be tricky, and painful. I’ve mentioned before that my experiences, emotions, and relationships often form the basis for my fiction. So, I thought I’d look at how my own mother has influenced my work and the way I portray mothers. Not surprisingly, the mothers in my writing all contain an element of my mother’s personality.
There are two different mothers in What Binds Us . Thomas’s mother is loving, and supportive, and means everything to Thomas, while Mrs. Whyte is so distant and formidable even her husband and sons call her Mrs. Whyte. Thomas’ mother becomes by default a surrogate mother to Dondi and Matthew in much the same way my own mother used to mother whoever we hauled home as she mothered us.
“In what alternate universe?” my friend, having met my mother, asked when I mentioned that Thomas’ mother was based on my own mother. “Thomas’ mother was not at all like your mother,” she insisted.
I was confused because Thomas’ mother was loving and supportive, just like my own mother. And then I realized, my friend only knew this newer, other mother, this changeling who’d replaced the mother of my youth.
The mothers in Damaged Angels cover a broader spectrum of motherhood and mothering styles, from the indifferent, absent mother of the hustler Jordan in “2 Rivers”―
It was as if his pregnant mother, feeling the pains of labor while out for an afternoon stroll, had simply squatted behind a bush, pulled up her dress, and birthed him. Then, the delivery made, had stood up, smoothed her hair, straightened her dress, and continued her walk, leaving the infant Jordan where he lay.
―to the domineering, overprotective mother in “Spam,” who, when her adolescent son attempts to escape her influence by descending into madness, simply follows him.
“Spam” was based on an incident involving my older brother and his best friend at the time, a boy named Angel. The incident has always intrigued me. I simply exaggerated it and took it to an outrageous conclusion. What I wanted most with writing “Spam” was to capture the insularity of Billy’s experience. He eats cereal with boiled milk and thinks nothing of it. My mother always boiled milk for our cereal; I was a freshman in college before I learned that cereal was meant to be eaten with cold milk.
The mother in “Chance’s Hand” is actually an amalgamation of main character Chas’ mother and father, merged into a single nagging, disappointed voice at the other end of the phone. Chas, slowly collapsing under the weight of his mother’s demands and expectations, describes his childhood:
Growing up seemed less a preparation for adulthood than a slow chafing away of childish desires (I want to be an astronaut, a painter), a flaying of the ego…a learning to do what was expected, be who you were expected to be.
Most telling of Chas’ relationship with his mother is a scene in which she questions whether or not he intends to leave his fiancé:
“Well, you can’t mean to abandon her. You gave her your grandmother’s ring!”
“No, Mother. You gave her my grandmother’s ring.”
In “The Seduction of the Angel Gabriel,” Gabriel frames his childhood for Malcolm by telling him the story of his mother’s attempted suicide.
Malcolm can see it now: a mother’s desperation; a child’s fear; and everywhere red blood, the color of loss. Although it was a man that he held in his arms, it was a child whose tears he wiped away.
Here, too, like Alfred Hitchcock, my mother makes an appearance in the form of her prom picture, which sits on a shelf in my office and which, in the story, Gabriel finds in Malcolm’s pristine white apartment:
He is holding an old black-and-white photograph of a slender young girl in a strapless gown with voluminous skirts leaning against a stone wall. Both girl and wall are drowned in moonlight.
In rereading these stories I can pinpoint the exact nature of my relationship with my mother at the time the story was written. Perhaps through writing mother-son relationships, I hope to understand my own relationship with my mother. Or maybe I just find mothers interesting characters because they are different, other, unknowable. Child birth seems to change women. In the farcical, “Howdy Billy, Cabbage Ma’am,” Billy writes:
“I once met a woman who had three sons, all of whom she named Pablo―Pablo Jose, Juan Pablo, and finally Pablo Pablo. Something must happen to women when they are carrying children.”
“Howdy Billy, Cabbage Ma’am,” was inspired by a single extraordinary sentence my mother once spoke. In fact that exact sentence appears in the book and baffles protagonist Billy as much as it baffled me:
“The Jews,” my mother announced, “love hard-boiled eggs.”
Later when Billy’s mother’s secret is revealed in a semi dark room, he says:
I confronted both my mothers at once.
Quite often in speaking to my mother I feel as if I am trying to reach two different women―the changeling and the original woman she was. I long, most, for the mother she was.
As I was working on this post, my mother called, unexpectedly, from Maryland, where they’d gone to spend Thanksgiving with my cousin. “Good morning,” she trilled, “I just called to check on you and see how your morning was going?”
What? Huh? Who are you? I wanted to ask. Then I realized it was simply my mother, the changeling.
Buy What Binds Us http://www.amazon.com/What-Binds-Us-e...
Read the first story from Damaged Angels : http://www.amazon.com/Damaged-Angels-...
Buy Damaged Angels : http://www.amazon.com/Damaged-Angels-...
November 22, 2012
It's Thanksgiving--Time to Buy More Stuff
I start this Thanksgiving more pissed off. I am sick of all of these Black Friday sale ads. It’s as if Black Friday has become Gray Thursday. The message they are sending seems to be, “you don’t have enough, let alone enough to be thankful for. Hurry up and finish that pie and come buy more stuff so next year you’ll have something to be grateful for.”
Irritated, I decided to take stock—not of my stuff but of what I have to be thankful for:
My partner, Stanley, who at midnight was painting the trim in the kitchen because he knows I wanted the kitchen “done” by Thanksgiving.
The maturity that comes with age so that at 12:01 I wasn’t yelling, “You’re painting now?”
A brilliant canine cardiologist who has given Coco a better quality of life, and us more time to enjoy her company.
A job that pays the bills and allows me to work with some truly wonderful people.
Parents who are still with us and healthy. To say nothing of a mother who provides great material for my writing. (More about next when I blog about mothers and sons.)
Carina Press & Bold Strokes Books, both of whom published my first two books this year.
All the readers who took time to not only read my books, but who also took the time to write to me.
Social media—Twitter and Facebook have allowed me to connect with hundreds of people around the world, as a result I’ve had virtual conversations with people in Britain, Australia, Nigeria, and Canada.
Debbie McGowan and Nigel, new friends, both of whom support and amuse me from across the pond.
Good friends Lloyd and Sandy, who will sit at our table tonight and share with us the food we so lovingly prepared.
I may not have everything, but I have everything I need and for that I am really, truly grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Irritated, I decided to take stock—not of my stuff but of what I have to be thankful for:
My partner, Stanley, who at midnight was painting the trim in the kitchen because he knows I wanted the kitchen “done” by Thanksgiving.
The maturity that comes with age so that at 12:01 I wasn’t yelling, “You’re painting now?”
A brilliant canine cardiologist who has given Coco a better quality of life, and us more time to enjoy her company.
A job that pays the bills and allows me to work with some truly wonderful people.
Parents who are still with us and healthy. To say nothing of a mother who provides great material for my writing. (More about next when I blog about mothers and sons.)
Carina Press & Bold Strokes Books, both of whom published my first two books this year.
All the readers who took time to not only read my books, but who also took the time to write to me.
Social media—Twitter and Facebook have allowed me to connect with hundreds of people around the world, as a result I’ve had virtual conversations with people in Britain, Australia, Nigeria, and Canada.
Debbie McGowan and Nigel, new friends, both of whom support and amuse me from across the pond.
Good friends Lloyd and Sandy, who will sit at our table tonight and share with us the food we so lovingly prepared.
I may not have everything, but I have everything I need and for that I am really, truly grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
November 1, 2012
I Have Super Powers. I Can Control the Weather
I have super powers. I can control the weather.
Yes I, too, was shocked at first but clearly it’s true. I’m a powerful gay super hero according to chaplain John McTernan who maintains that Hurricane Sandy (and other recent natural disasters is the result of God’s wrath against the LGBT community and its allies. (Read the article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10...)
Seriously, though, a heterosexual mother glues her 2 year old's hands to a wall and beats her into a coma and...nothing happens. But I take it up the butt and suddenly houses become unmoored and land on New Jersey roadways? There’s war in the world. And cancer. Kids all over the world go to bed hungry night after night, Romney made millions while laying off hundreds and thousands and I am the reason for a random hurricane? Really? Seriously? Do these idiots really think God cares what I do--or don't do--with my dick?
If anyone is bringing on the wrath of God it is these people preaching hate and intolerance in His name. To say that because I am gay, I am wrong, a mistake, an abomination is the supreme statement of human arrogance--it is to challenge God Himself--it is saying that He has made a creative mistake. To me that is deserving of earthquakes, of hurricanes, of wars.
Yes I, too, was shocked at first but clearly it’s true. I’m a powerful gay super hero according to chaplain John McTernan who maintains that Hurricane Sandy (and other recent natural disasters is the result of God’s wrath against the LGBT community and its allies. (Read the article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10...)
Seriously, though, a heterosexual mother glues her 2 year old's hands to a wall and beats her into a coma and...nothing happens. But I take it up the butt and suddenly houses become unmoored and land on New Jersey roadways? There’s war in the world. And cancer. Kids all over the world go to bed hungry night after night, Romney made millions while laying off hundreds and thousands and I am the reason for a random hurricane? Really? Seriously? Do these idiots really think God cares what I do--or don't do--with my dick?
If anyone is bringing on the wrath of God it is these people preaching hate and intolerance in His name. To say that because I am gay, I am wrong, a mistake, an abomination is the supreme statement of human arrogance--it is to challenge God Himself--it is saying that He has made a creative mistake. To me that is deserving of earthquakes, of hurricanes, of wars.
October 22, 2012
What My Dogs Have Taught Me
Enalapril, digoxin, proin, lasix, Vetmedin, Rimadyl, spironolact, Viagra.
That list above isn’t a random list. It’s a list of all of the meds our 14 year old Lhasa Apso takes on a daily basis. We saw her cardiologist last week and his parting words to us were, “Go ahead and spoil her.” It took awhile for the meaning of those words to sink in.
I’ve had dogs for nearly 20 years, yet I’ve never really written about any of my dogs—or my relationship with them. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, or you’ve read either of my books, you’ll know that there is very little I haven’t written about; my head is an open book. Yet the dogs—my dogs, or rather my relationship with my dogs—is the one thing I haven’t written about. I’m not sure why—perhaps I fear I’m not a good enough writer to do justice to the experience of sharing your life with a canine companion. Or perhaps I don’t have the words to express an inexpressible attachment. Yet, having dogs has made me a better person; they have taught me so much. In honor of them—of all dogs, everywhere—I have compiled a list of what my dogs have taught me:
1. Always be yourself. Toby, our 8 year old Silky Terrier, isn’t a perfect dog. But he is the best dog he knows how to be.
2. Never bite when a bark will do. ‘Nuf said.
3. When life knocks you down, get back up. Coco started fainting as a result of her heart condition. She would suddenly fall over on her side or her back legs would buckle under her. She would fall to the floor, rest a moment then get up and go back to what she was doing.
4. Never give up. When our current dog, Toby, suffered a ruptured disk in his neck, he became paralyzed from the neck down. Not only could he not walk, he had no control of his bowels or his bladder. It took six months, a brilliant surgeon and thousands of dollars but he recovered. He never gave up be a part of the family, though. Until he could walk, he crawled.
5. Don’t waste your time and energy on anyone not interested in knowing you. Coco greets every person she sees. If they put out a hand for her to sniff, or reach down and pet her, she will charm them; if they don’t, she moves on.
6. Demand equal treatment. Nothing sets off a dog riot more quickly in our house than giving one dog a treat and not the other, or petting one more than the other.
7. Be open to love and it will find you, even if you’re not looking. When my roommate brought home a 10-month old Yorkie. I was mad; I didn’t want a dog. We named him Channing, after Carol, but I made it clear he wasn’t my dog. One night he nosed open my bedroom door and jumped onto my bed. For the next ten years he slept tucked in against my stomach. For weeks after he died, I’d get up during the night and realizing he was not in his regular spot beside me, I’d go look for him. Then I’d remember.
8. Love who you want, as hard as you want, for as long as you can. The last thing Channing did before he died was turn his head to look for me. “Oh good,” his eyes seemed to say, “You’re here. I knelt in front of him and held his gaze until the light in his eyes went out.
9. That dog you think you rescued may, in fact, rescue you.
www.larrybenjamin.com
That list above isn’t a random list. It’s a list of all of the meds our 14 year old Lhasa Apso takes on a daily basis. We saw her cardiologist last week and his parting words to us were, “Go ahead and spoil her.” It took awhile for the meaning of those words to sink in.
I’ve had dogs for nearly 20 years, yet I’ve never really written about any of my dogs—or my relationship with them. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, or you’ve read either of my books, you’ll know that there is very little I haven’t written about; my head is an open book. Yet the dogs—my dogs, or rather my relationship with my dogs—is the one thing I haven’t written about. I’m not sure why—perhaps I fear I’m not a good enough writer to do justice to the experience of sharing your life with a canine companion. Or perhaps I don’t have the words to express an inexpressible attachment. Yet, having dogs has made me a better person; they have taught me so much. In honor of them—of all dogs, everywhere—I have compiled a list of what my dogs have taught me:
1. Always be yourself. Toby, our 8 year old Silky Terrier, isn’t a perfect dog. But he is the best dog he knows how to be.
2. Never bite when a bark will do. ‘Nuf said.
3. When life knocks you down, get back up. Coco started fainting as a result of her heart condition. She would suddenly fall over on her side or her back legs would buckle under her. She would fall to the floor, rest a moment then get up and go back to what she was doing.
4. Never give up. When our current dog, Toby, suffered a ruptured disk in his neck, he became paralyzed from the neck down. Not only could he not walk, he had no control of his bowels or his bladder. It took six months, a brilliant surgeon and thousands of dollars but he recovered. He never gave up be a part of the family, though. Until he could walk, he crawled.
5. Don’t waste your time and energy on anyone not interested in knowing you. Coco greets every person she sees. If they put out a hand for her to sniff, or reach down and pet her, she will charm them; if they don’t, she moves on.
6. Demand equal treatment. Nothing sets off a dog riot more quickly in our house than giving one dog a treat and not the other, or petting one more than the other.
7. Be open to love and it will find you, even if you’re not looking. When my roommate brought home a 10-month old Yorkie. I was mad; I didn’t want a dog. We named him Channing, after Carol, but I made it clear he wasn’t my dog. One night he nosed open my bedroom door and jumped onto my bed. For the next ten years he slept tucked in against my stomach. For weeks after he died, I’d get up during the night and realizing he was not in his regular spot beside me, I’d go look for him. Then I’d remember.
8. Love who you want, as hard as you want, for as long as you can. The last thing Channing did before he died was turn his head to look for me. “Oh good,” his eyes seemed to say, “You’re here. I knelt in front of him and held his gaze until the light in his eyes went out.
9. That dog you think you rescued may, in fact, rescue you.
www.larrybenjamin.com
Larry Benjamin's blog - This Writer's Life
The writer's life is as individual and strange as each writer. I'll document my journey as a writer here.
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