Larry Benjamin's Blog: Larry Benjamin's blog - This Writer's Life - Posts Tagged "bats"
The Corporatorium: Bats (Episode 11)
Welcome to Episode 10 of my funny, absurdist serial on working in Corporate America. Take a break from your day and give it a read. Guaranteed to make you giggle.
Missed Episode 10, Excelleration? Read it here. Or read the series from the beginning here.
As I wrestled my outsized binder down the hall, I passed Diana handing out print samples with unusual energy. “Oh, good, you’re back,” she said in her let's-get-straight-to-the-point manner. “You’re debriefing us at the production meeting. Meeting’s moved to 10. TWO’s running late. Bats.”
Bats?
I was distracted by the familiar “ping” of an incoming MOO. Soon followed the familiar chorus of resigned sighs that seemed to whisper “What now?”
M E M O R A N D U M O F O P P O R T U N I T Y !
From: The Office of the CEO
The Office of the Director, Global Human Resources
To: All Employees
A company-wide web cast has been scheduled for this Friday at 12 noon EST.
While we realize you may have client obligations that will preclude you from attending this webcast, we strongly encourage you to make every effort to attend. We will be announcing important changes we are implementing as we reposition our firm for increased success in the competitive global marketplace. These changes will affect many of our processes and procedures and will impact every employee.
This important webcast will be recorded and uploaded to our employee message board so you can listen to it in its entirety at any time.
A Lotus Notes Calendar invitation with login/dial-in information will be disseminated shortly.
Uh oh! Until now, the new Leadership Team, unable to tell us what we should do, despite the millions poured into their collective purse each year, told us instead what we had done.
The Leadership team, without understanding what was wrong, had apparently now decided to take corrective action.
Nigel was standing in the doorway of Ivy, one of the Cerberus as she read the MOO. “Oh Psshaw!” she exclaimed on finishing.
Ivy was our Miss Havisham, her yellowed, torn dress, the way things were under The Previous; a tattered much read procedures manual clutched firmly to her aging chest, Miss Havisham’s faded bouquet. And like Miss Havisham, Ivy steadfastly refused to believe the world had moved on, her dream vanquished. Dedicated to what had been, she would have had the clocks stopped at the moment The Previous fell if she could.
The Previous was the leadership team who had been summarily dismissed and replaced by the current team led by Lizzie Borden and Capital B. The current team was thus referred to as The After.
“You should come over some time,” Nigel suggested quietly. “You’d like my girls.”
Keep Reading.
Missed Episode 10, Excelleration? Read it here. Or read the series from the beginning here.
As I wrestled my outsized binder down the hall, I passed Diana handing out print samples with unusual energy. “Oh, good, you’re back,” she said in her let's-get-straight-to-the-point manner. “You’re debriefing us at the production meeting. Meeting’s moved to 10. TWO’s running late. Bats.”
Bats?
I was distracted by the familiar “ping” of an incoming MOO. Soon followed the familiar chorus of resigned sighs that seemed to whisper “What now?”
M E M O R A N D U M O F O P P O R T U N I T Y !
From: The Office of the CEO
The Office of the Director, Global Human Resources
To: All Employees
A company-wide web cast has been scheduled for this Friday at 12 noon EST.
While we realize you may have client obligations that will preclude you from attending this webcast, we strongly encourage you to make every effort to attend. We will be announcing important changes we are implementing as we reposition our firm for increased success in the competitive global marketplace. These changes will affect many of our processes and procedures and will impact every employee.
This important webcast will be recorded and uploaded to our employee message board so you can listen to it in its entirety at any time.
A Lotus Notes Calendar invitation with login/dial-in information will be disseminated shortly.
Uh oh! Until now, the new Leadership Team, unable to tell us what we should do, despite the millions poured into their collective purse each year, told us instead what we had done.
The Leadership team, without understanding what was wrong, had apparently now decided to take corrective action.
Nigel was standing in the doorway of Ivy, one of the Cerberus as she read the MOO. “Oh Psshaw!” she exclaimed on finishing.
Ivy was our Miss Havisham, her yellowed, torn dress, the way things were under The Previous; a tattered much read procedures manual clutched firmly to her aging chest, Miss Havisham’s faded bouquet. And like Miss Havisham, Ivy steadfastly refused to believe the world had moved on, her dream vanquished. Dedicated to what had been, she would have had the clocks stopped at the moment The Previous fell if she could.
The Previous was the leadership team who had been summarily dismissed and replaced by the current team led by Lizzie Borden and Capital B. The current team was thus referred to as The After.
“You should come over some time,” Nigel suggested quietly. “You’d like my girls.”
Keep Reading.
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