Azra Tabassum's Blog, page 129

How do you feel about super drawn in/dramatic eyebrows?

Not to my personal taste but it’s not any of my business how someone chooses to do their make up xx

do you believe in forever?

I believe in forever and I believe in the forevers that exist in the moments that mean something to me and they’re both equally as lovely and important. 

me: I'm queen of hell I'm the baddest bitch look at my eyebrows

me: I'm queen of hell I'm the baddest bitch look at my eyebrows

friends: shhhh u are the world's tiniest puff pastry

me: I WILL FIGHT

friends: stop before u leak strawberry filling

5000letters:We are walking in the park on a quiet evening in mid September. My hands are still not...

5000letters:

We are walking in the park on a quiet evening in mid September. My hands are still not used to the way yours feel in mine so I’m short of breath and red faced. I blame it on the exercise. You laugh and say that we should start jogging and I look at you with so much disdain that your cheeks colour.
The evening settles on my shoulders and you take your jacket and wrap it around me. I level a sceptical glance in your direction and dryly say “this isn’t a romantic comedy, I’m not cold you absolute tool.”
You shrug, rub your arms and murmur “just in case.”
For the fifth time that day I think about how you are too good for me, and selfishly hope that this is something you never come to realise.
“Hey,” I say quietly, scuffing the toe of my shoe in the dirt, “what would you do if I died?”
I’m not looking at you but I can see the sharp twist of your head in my periphery. You stumble and it takes a moment for you to regain yourself. I don’t comment.
“Why would you ask that?” You say sharply, your long ambling stroll has slowed.
I shrug and keep walking, “just curious, I guess.”
“Hey, wait.” You tuck your hand under my elbow and turn me swiftly to face you, cupping my arms inwards. You peer at me through your hair and brush a hand over your eyes. “If you died, I’d forget how to do the simplest things. Like how to count, or ride a bike or make toast.”
You pull me closer to drop your chin onto my head and I can barely hear you now.
“If you died, I could watch the sunset a thousand times and still not be able to tell you what the colour red looks like.”

"‘I am leaving.’ This is the hundredth time I have said this to you. You are sitting with your feet..."

“

‘I am leaving.’

This is the hundredth time I have said this to you. You are sitting with your feet up on our sitting room table and from across the room, I can see two foxes of fear sprint across your eyes. They hold hands, they look at me raw, and disappear. ‘I’m leaving you.’ My nails are digging crescents into my palms.

'But,’ you scrape a hand across your jaw and consider this, 'I love you.’ This is enough. It always is. My insides unroll for you. You tender the wounds and we play chess naked and fall asleep, bodies like olive branches. The next evening, it will be the same again. I will tell you that I am going. You will soften for me. The foxes will cry at the discontent.

We are loving each other futilely. We’re playing Kiss Chase on a knife edge, I say 'I’ve finally got you’ and hold you hard enough to break your back. You let me every time. You say 'you’re mine’ and push me off every bridge you can find. Hold my hand at the last minute and sometimes we go over the edge together. Sometimes the water kisses us. Sometimes it turns us inside out. Either way it’s heartbreaking, either way it’s an adventure.

On the phone, my mother sighs and tells me 'leave him.’ And I cry and hold myself and tell her that I am still trying. My father promises that he will break you into tiny little pieces and you laugh and stroke a finger down your chin and say 'he needn’t worry. You’ve already done that.’ In the evenings I sit on your lap and you lick salt tears from my face and leave handprints on my ribcage.

We argue like acid rain. In our darkest moments we are bitter and hungry and furious. When I am cruel, I leave with no warning and do not come back for days. When you are cruel, you drink and smoke 20 a day. You threaten to fuck my friends. We fall in and out of love with each other like the tides at midnight. I want to say 'here is the door, here is my kiss, pick one.’ I want to say that I love you but I cannot keep breaking my spine for you. Instead, I tell you that I am leaving and you tell me that you love me and we fill and empty each other again.

”

- Azra.T “Praying Foxes” (via 5000letters)

Teach me to be brave, lend me the courage of your conviction. It's been nearly a year and I haven't spoken a word to her.

Secret: I’m scared, I’m fucking terrified. But I’m going to try anyway.

when you’ve been waiting months and months to kiss someone and you get to touch them and rub...

when you’ve been waiting months and months to kiss someone and you get to touch them and rub your thumb across their bottom lip and their mouth opens breathing against your skin and you’re trembling and they’re trembling even though they’re bigger and stronger than you and that elastic stretch of time between your eyes and theirs and your mouth and theirs and how it’s almost enough, standing in that space together, fingertips skating across skin you’ve been longing and longing for and it’s enough. Standing together, shaking and yearning and wanting. together.

always always restless, always running towards somethin’, always trying to make a tiny corner of the...

always always restless, always running towards somethin’, always trying to make a tiny corner of the earth just for myself

I was scrolling through your page with my four year old son on my lap.. He saw you and said, "Mama.. Her face makes me happy. I want to snuggle with her. I can't see her hair but she is beautiful." All the blessings and love in the world xo

Are you serious this is the sweetest message in the whole entire world I have been broody for ages and ages and this has made me want a lil bubba even more!!!! 

Just to let everyone know that I was the embodiment of spring...

Just to let everyone know that I was the embodiment of spring yesterday