Michael Thomas Ford's Blog, page 5

It's Beginning to Sound a Lot Like Christmas

At 3:03 this morning I woke up with "The 12 Days of Christmas" playing on an endless loop in my head. Actually, I woke up because Teddy was sitting next to the bed staring at me and using shiba inu mind control to tell me he had to pee. "The 12 Days of Christmas" had been playing for some time before that.

I was stuck on days 9 through 12. I knew they involved lords leaping, drummers drumming, pipers piping, and ladies dancing, but I wasn't confident of the order. Eleven lords a leaping sounde...

Creepy Clown Monday #3: Night of the Clown (1998)

Creepy Clown Monday #3: Night of the Clown (1998)

After watching the first three films for this little undertaking of mine I'm starting to feel a bit like one of those guys who sits in his basement rec room watching old 8mm nudie reels. Not because there's anything remotely prurient about creepy clown films (at least not for me) but because so far the movies I've watched all look as if they were shot on somebody's cell phone then circulated as bootleg copies until the one I got was seventeen g...

Aisle Five, Next to the Flip Flops

When first-time authors ask me if I have any advice, I tell them this: Never google yourself.

Google is a fine tool. I use it frequently, and it provides helpful answers to questions such as "What was the name of the actor who played H.R. Pufnstuf?" (Roberto Gamonet, pictured out of costume at right) and "What was the #1 song of 1968, the year I was born?" ("Hey Jude"). Just today I used it to find out whether or not there was a DVD release of the short-lived television show Glory Days. (There...

For the Love of Dog

Okay, so last week I told you that I put the Yule tree up a little bit earlier than usual. Here's why.

Her name is Lillie. She's four months old, give or take a couple of weeks. She weighs all of 2 pounds.

What? Her leg? I hadn't noticed. She looks fine to me.

You're not going to let it go, are you? All right, but you asked for it.

She had to have it removed. Why? Well, see, the people who originally had her (aka the Colossal Jackholes Who Should Be Thrown Off a Mountaintop into a Sea of Broken G...

Creepy Clown Monday #2: Purvos (2004)

For those just joining us, this is the 2nd installment of Creepy Clown Mondays, in which I review a creepy clown film. Why? Because creepy clowns are awesome!

You know how the pictures on the packaging for frozen dinners look nothing like the stuff inside the box? The picture shows a delicious plate of shrimp primavera, but what you get is two tiny bay shrimp, six pounds of red peppers and snow peas, and a little packet of ick to pour over it.

Take a look at the DVD art for Purvos.

Creepy Clown Monday 2: Purvos (2004)

For those just joining us, this is the 2nd installment of Creepy Clown Mondays, in which I review a creepy clown film. Why? Because creepy clowns are awesome!

You know how the pictures on the packaging for frozen dinners look nothing like the stuff inside the box? The picture shows a delicious plate of shrimp primavera, but what you get is two tiny bay shrimp, six pounds of red peppers and snow peas, and a little packet of ick to pour over it.

Take a look at the DVD art for Purvos.

Merry Christmas, Comrade

[image error]Well, it's all over. Now everyone is fatter and sleepier than usual. Even the dogs are Thanksgivinged out, and they didn't even have turkey.

Neither did we, actually. We had fish and chips. At a restaurant. Our friend Jill had the turkey dinner, though. She's a traditional kind of girl.

Not that we weren't festive. We were. At least I was. I usually wait until the weekend after Stuff Your Face Day to start thinking about the Festival of Hysterical Consumerism and Unmet...

When Bad Sentences Happen to Good Writers

I have written some very bad sentences. I've overloaded them with adverbs to the point where they resembled rococo drawing rooms. I've used seventeen words when two would do. I once compared a character's uncircumcised penis to a sleeping bat.

While it is embarrassing to find these sentences in my own work, I love finding them in other people's books. It reminds me that I am not the only writer who has days when his brain goes on the fritz.

[image error]Every year I go to British Columbia and/or...

Creepy Clown Monday #1: The Clown Murders (1976)

Welcome to the first installment of Creepy Clown Monday, my look at the world of creepy clown films. Each week I'll be featuring a film (and sometimes a television show) that prominently features a clown as an object of horror. For some of you that means any clown, but I'm basically interested in films where the clown is meant to make you scream. You may be surprised to learn that this sub-genre of film is quite large. At the moment I have enough films to take me through an entire year, and I...

Creepy Clown Monday 1: The Clown Murders (1976)

Welcome to the first installment of Creepy Clown Monday, my look at the world of creepy clown films. Each week I'll be featuring a film (and sometimes a television show) that prominently features a clown as an object of horror. For some of you that means any clown, but I'm basically interested in films where the clown is meant to make you scream. You may be surprised to learn that this sub-genre of film is quite large. At the moment I have enough films to take me through an entire year, and I...