Dave Anderson's Blog, page 9

3 Steps to Take After Failure

So Plan A didn’t work! What are you going to do? Failure is not the end of the road. It is just a pit stop on the way to success. But, what should you do on that pit stop? 

Fixing Failure

First off, bravo! At least you were willing to fail! Being willing to fail takes Courage. There are far too many people who let the fear of failure keep them from trying anything outside their comfort zone.

But, now you have failed. You might be dealing with a lot of emotions – dissappointment, anger, or even embarrassment. Plus those emotions may not even be coming from you.  They could be coming from a boss or someone you care about at home.

So what do you do now? It’s time to take advantage of the pit stop.

The 3 Step Pit Stop after Failure

In Nascar or Formula One racing, pit stops are used to evaluate the condition of the vehicle, communicate with the pit crew, and refuel. We can do that when we fail as well.

1.  Evaluate

The first step we all need to take after a failure is to look in the mirror. Playing the blame game, where we focus our attention on circumstances or other people, will stunt our growth. When we avoid responsibility and shift blame, we are basically abdicating our Duty to learn from our mistakes.

What could I have done differently?
What did I not foresee or prepare for?
Were there any warning signs? Why didn’t I pay attention to those signs?

2.  Communicate

Most of our failures do not occur in a vacuum. Other people were involved or at least observing us before things went wrong. They might even have faced similar challenges or are directly affected by the outcomes.

Who has been in my position before? What can I learn from them?
Did I ignore advice? To whom do I need to humble myself and ask for their counsel now?
Who on my team (at work or at home) can help me regroup and find new strategies? 

3.  Refuel

So Plan A didn’t work!  What are we going to do now! We need to see this failure as temporary. It is an opportunity to regroup and move forward with what we just learned from the failure. Having a growth mindset, begins with the outlook that failure is necessary for growth. So the failure part is taken care of! Now it is time for the growth!

Find new perspectives to fuel your growth.
Find new tools to implement because your current tools didn’t work.
Commit to Plan B. And if that doesn’t work, commit to not stopping until you hit Plan Z.

The Bottom Line:

If we think we can get where we want to go in life without experiencing failure, we are delusional. Everything worth having usually involves failure. Set backs are a critical part of the learning process.

Does failure cause pain and discomfort? Heck yeah! But growth is never comfortable. That’s why they are called “Growing Pains”!

To run the race laid out for us and to run it well, we must be willing to take pit stops. We must be willing to Evaluate, Communicate, and Refuel.  Then we must get back into the race.

We can’t compete, let alone win in life, if we stay in the pit area and refuse to get back on the track. Failure is only a pit stop. The race is still going on.

Making a pit stop does not determine our success. What we do with that pit stop does.

Question:

What else do we need to learn from failure?

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).

You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:

bit.ly/LOCBook.

You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post 3 Steps to Take After Failure appeared first on Dave Anderson.

We Need Warriors not Worriers!

Some people stress out and stay put. Others face their fears and move forward. Some people fear the unknown and hold others back. Other people embrace uncertainty and lead others through it. One person is a Worrier. The other person is a Warrior.

Warriors or Worriers

In today’s world, timid leaders are all too common. I see it over and over again when I am working with corporations, non-profits, and even law enforcement. In each of the areas, too many leaders lack the Moral Courage to act.

Moral Courage is needed:

When someone needs to confront a difficult employee. 
When someone needs to tell the boss she is wrong.
When someone needs to inform a customer their timeline is unrealistic.

Unfortunately, instead of stepping up and speaking up, that person gets consumed by worry. They wring their hands and wonder:

What if this employee makes the conversation difficult?
What if my boss thinks I am a negative influence on the team?
What if our customer walks away from the deal?

Are these scenarios possible? Yes!  

The difference is a Warrior sees these negative scenarios as possible.  While the Worrier sees the same scenarios as probable.

The Possible Versus The Probable

When a Warrior recognizes these as possibilities, she dwells on solutions, creates strategies, and gets to work.

When a Worrier sees these as probabilities, he dwells on the negative outcomes, formulates excuses, and waits to see what happens.

Courage

The definition of Courage in twelve words or less so a 12 year old can understand:

Acting despite perceived or actual risk.

Worriers tend to spend more time focused on perceived risks than they spend on finding solutions. The amount of time and energy expended on the “What if’s…” that consume a Worrier is far greater than the time and energy a Warrior expends on facing those fears and developing solutions.

There Is No Secret To Becoming a Warrior

Warriors do not take a special pill or drink a magic potion that allows them to exercise Moral Courage. They just have a lot more practice at facing their fears than Worriers do.  

Warriors face their fears instead of avoiding them.

The Bottom Line:

The only way a Worrier becomes a Warrior is by facing his fears. Courage takes practice. It is a Habit of Character.  

The more you choose to act despite the perceived or actual risks you face, the more likely you are to make that choice again. 

It is not easy to turn and face your fears head on, if you are not in the habit of doing it. But each time you make that choice, I guarantee you it will make it easier to make that same choice again.

Soon the people you work with will see you displaying the Moral Courage of a Warrior. And perhaps more importantly, the people you live with will see you practicing the Moral Courage of a Warrior at home as well.

Whether we are a Warrior or a Worrier, our choices influence the choices of the people with whom we spend the most time.

The question is who do you want them to become as a result of your influence?

Question:

How do you want the people at work or at home to see you? As a Warrior or a Worrier?

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).

You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:

bit.ly/LOCBook.

You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post We Need Warriors not Worriers! appeared first on Dave Anderson.

Leaders Delivering Bad News

It was classic Sea Gull Leadership. The boss swoops in. Dumps on everyone. And swoops out.

Nobody liked it when the “old man” showed up at their team meetings. When the boss came in the room, everyone knew they were going to walk out of the meeting with bad news, something to fix, and a lot less motivation.

The quick, daily, stand-up meetings the team had implemented improved communication and productivity. But, when the boss showed up, what started as a good day went downhill fast.

Showing Up With Bad News

Bad news comes in different forms.  New regulations, a delayed shipment, poor quarterly results, new competitors….etc. That type of information has to be shared with our teams. No one likes delivering bad news and no on likes to hear it either.

The unfortunate thing I see in many organizations is the leader is only visible to the teams when it is time to deliver bad news. Whether it is a day shift supervisor in a manufacturing plant, the head of nursing at a hospital, or a local government leader, one of the most common comments I hear is,

“We only see them when they have bad news.”

When we only show up with bad news in hand, we become the demotivating factor that damages our team. News Alert: That is not the role of a leader!

Showing Up with Good News

A simple recommendation is to show up and deliver the good news when you have it. Good news is fun to deliver, and it does not need to be earth shattering to have a postive effect.

Congratulate someone in front of the group on a promotion, a new client, a work milestone (anniversary), or a family milestone (new baby).
Share some positive customer feedback.
Tell of a success story from another department.

Showing Up with No News

Just showing up says something.  It says we care, and we appreciate the hard work of the people who attend those meetings. Our presence delivers a strong message of support, and we that we are not out of touch with the front lines.

An Assistant Police Chief I know makes it his goal to go to a couple morning meetings a week before the officers head out on patrol.  What does he do when he has no news to share?

He says good morning and asks about their families.
He jokes with them.
He thanks them for what they are about to do that day.
He reminds them he is available to them.
He asks if he they have any obstacles he can move that are keeping them from doing their best work. 

Like all leaders he has a lot of administrative work waiting for him back in his office. He is not required to attend those meetings. 

But, he understands the men and women doing the work on the front lines need to know he cares about who they are, what they do, and how they are doing.

The Bottom Line:

Leadership influences employee engagement more than anything else. If we are only heard from when we have bad news, we are exercising Sea Gull Leadership.

When we show up with or without news, our arrival will not create a negative response. People will not scurry away like cockroaches when the lights come on.  

Instead they will gravitate towards us. They will see us as available, approachable, and in touch.

The first time we show up with no news, we may get asked, “What are you doing here boss?”  The appropriate answer should be,

“You’re here, so I’m here. I just wanted to let you know I appreciate your efforts.” 

When they hear that, they will begin to appreciate our efforts as well.

Question:

When have you been a Sea Gull Leader?

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).

You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:

bit.ly/LOCBook.

You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post Leaders Delivering Bad News appeared first on Dave Anderson.

The Difference Between An Excuse and A Reason

Making excuses is a favorite topic of mine when I speak to groups about leadership and character. I am often asked, “Aren’t there legitimate reasons for a failure? Shouldn’t that matter?”

My reply: “Yes. It matters. As long as we know the difference between an excuse and a reason.”

An Excuse

An excuse is something we use to deflect blame. We use excuses to be sure others know the circumstances or the people who caused our failure. Notice how that works….

An excuse is used to avoid responsibility. When we shift the blame, we avoid responsibility for a failure, and we also avoid the responsibility for learning from that failure.

Excuses stunt our growth. When we make excuses, we tend to convince ourselves that we could not have changed the outcome, and therefore have no need to adapt for the future. Failure becomes easier to accept in ourselves, and we never grow beyond our current state.

The ease in which we make excuses is a window into our character. West Point teaches cadets that excuses are unacceptable for leader.

Click on the blog title that follows to read more about that:

West Point: How Leaders Seize Responsibility.

A Reason

There are reasons for failures. Circumstances and other people may have played a role in my failures. But my behaviors and my decisions are also part of the equation. For example:

I am late to an appointment.

Circumstances/Other People: Bad weather caused slick roads and slowed everyone down.
Circumstances/Other People: I hit every red light on the way.
My Behaviors/Decisions: I left my house with only a five minute cushion.
My Behaviors/Decisions: I did not take the weather into account.
My Behaviors/Decisions: I did not look at the weather report the night before.
My Behaviors/Decisions: I wanted to get an extra ten minutes of sleep.

My team’s project will be delayed.

Circumstances/Other People: I had a critical team member go out early on maternity leave.
My Behaviors/Decisions: I failed to have a back up plan in case she was unavailable.
My Behaviors/Decisions: I failed to assign her only to tasks related to the first part of the project in case she was unavailable later.

In both of these scenarios, there are reasons that were inside of my control and outside of my control that played a role in my failure. I set myself up for failure through my decisions and behaviors.

To avoid stagnation and grow, we must decide to accept our responsibility in the failure and learn to make better decisions. That is how we will grow in character.

The Bottom Line:

Reasons become excuses when they are used to avoid responsibility. That is the key difference between reasons and excuses.

When we make excuses, we are usually focused on everything and everyone else but ourselves. If we are unwilling take responsibility for our behaviors and our decisions that contributed to the failure, we are making excuses and failing to grow in character.

Our character is our habitual way of operating.  Our good habits and our bad habits form our character.

Making excuses is a bad habit.

The good news is habits are changed one decision at a time. We can decide to own up to our role in a failure and start a new habit. It is up to us to decide to take responsibility and grow or to shift blame and stagnate.

Question:

What is the favorite excuse you or others around you use for failure?

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).
You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:

bit.ly/LOCBook.

You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post The Difference Between An Excuse and A Reason appeared first on Dave Anderson.

Leaders You Don’t Have to Like Your People

 Let’s face it. Some people are hard to like. Sometimes the best thing we can say about another person is “Thank God she’s not on my team, and I don’t have to work with her.”  

Spending time with her is not easy. The way she behaves, the way she talks, her attitude – everything just gets on my nerves. But what if that unlikable person IS on my team? What if I am her leader, her coach or her parent?

Don’t Hire People You Don’t Like

Hiring good people, who have the character to do the right thing and get along with others is a critical step in avoiding the scenario above. I am a big proponent of hiring more than just experience or technical expertise.

Read more on hiring by clicking on the following blog title:

Talent Is Plentiful and Overrated

But the truth is, I didn’t always get to hire the people I led. I took over teams from other people and I went through multiple mergers where people were assigned to me. Plus, we don’t get to choose our family either. So what recourse do I have when I am the leader of someone I do not like?

Love Them

“Wait! Did Dave just say love them? This is the Army guy who talks about leadership right? “

Yes I said love them.
Love them even when you don’t like them.

I am talking about the verb form of the word love that relates to my actions. I may not feel much for the person I am called on to lead, but I still must lead them unselfishly.

Why do I use the word unselfishly? Because many times I can choose how I treat someone based on how I feel about them. As a leader, how I feel about a person is irrelevant. I need to do what is best for the individual no matter how I feel about them.

Notice the pronoun is a “I” in these statements above. As a leader or a parent, my role is not to get to do what I want to do. My role is to do what is best for the people I lead.

It is the Duty of a leader to act unselfishly and ignore his or her feelings. Is that easy? No! But….

Treating someone better than they deserve is never easy.

Click on the title to read a review of Joel Manby’s book Love Works.

A Leader’s Actions

How does a leader love someone they do not really like?

Here are some ideas:

Talk to her on breaks as much as you talk to the people you like.
Praise her. Do not ignore or gloss over her good performance.
Do not ignore her mistakes, just because you don’t want to spend time with her.
Ask her about her family or her weekend. Show an interest in who she is outside of work.
Have hard conversations with her when it is necessary.
Do as much to help her reach her goals as you would for anyone else.
Don’t give her any more slack than anyone else just because she may be difficult.

The Bottom Line:

A great rule of thumb when you have to lead someone who is not very likable is to treat them better than they deserve. That is a habit that anyone can form with practice. It may not be easy, but leadership is not easy.

Just like I should do with my children, I should always do what I think is best for them to include praise, correction, and discipline.

At different times in their lives, one child may be a lot easier to like than another one.  However, no one in their right mind believes that loving their child is optional even when they are being unlikeable.

The same goes for a leader as well.   We may not like someone we are leading, but we should love them through our actions.

Question:

Who do you not like at work that you need to lead with love?

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).
You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:
bit.ly/LOCBook.
You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post Leaders You Don’t Have to Like Your People appeared first on Dave Anderson.

Two Common and Controllable Causes of Stress

Very few people gravitate TOWARDS someone who is a ball of stress. Most of us like to be around the person who seems to have things under control or at least has a positive perspective on life.  Yet many people walk around strung tighter than a piano wire.

Some people are always stressed, while others always seem calm. Some people are anxious about every decision, while others seem content with the possibility of failure.

As I observe both types of people, I believe there are two self-created issues that set us up for stressful days and nights. They are mindsets that we have control over, yet many of us fail to control.

Being strung tighter than a piano wire is not fun for me or anyone within my blast radius.

What is the stressed person missing? What is it in his/her mindset that needs to change?

1.  No Vision Equals High Stress

An uncertain future can cause stress. The difference between the stressed person versus the calm person is not whether the future is uncertain. The difference is the stressed person’s focus is on the ride instead of the destination.

When we are without a vision for the future, or without an ultimate understanding of what the big picture is in our lives, we only focus on the obstacles immediately in front of us.

When we focus on the far reaching vision and an understanding of what our ultimate goal is, we remain focused on the destination – and today’s obstacles are temporary inconveniences.

If our eyes are focused just over the hood of the car, every pothole feels like a crater! That is what it feels like to have no Vision.

For more on vision click on the following title: Vision: Am I Enjoying The Ride?

2.  Living Contractually Equals High Stress

Some people say, “I am tired of being reactive. I wish I could get out of that mode and be more in control.”

If we look at life as a set of contracts, we will always feel out of control. A contract states, “If you do this, then I will do that.” In that scenario, our actions are always dependent on the actions of others!

With a contractual mindset, we are always reacting! But what if we break the mold and begin to think differently? What if we develop a covenant mindset?

A covenant states, “I am going to do this, no matter what you do.” To live life with a covenant mindset, we have to know what we stand for – what is important to us.

Once we know what is important to us, we can move from being reactive to be proactive. We can make decisions that are based on what we stand for and not based on what other people do! We are in control of our decisions and how we live our lives!

Click on the following title for more on Covenant living/leading: Four Benefits of Covenant Leadership.

The Bottom Line:

Only the immature believe that life should be easy. It is not. But, we can control how we view life by finding a vision for our future and living our lives based on a set of covenant beliefs.

Try an experiment. Ask one of your chronically stressed out friends two questions:

What is your life’s vision – your ultimate goal?
What best describes your mindset in life – contractual of covenant mindset?

I bet they don’t really have answers to those questions.

If you don’t, then I want to encourage you to find your own answers. When you find those answers, the calm person you always wanted to be will begin to take charge of your life. I promise.

For more on eliminating stress from your life click on this blog title:  How Calm People Stay Calm.

Question:

How would you answer the questions above for yourself?

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).
You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:
bit.ly/LOCBook.
You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post Two Common and Controllable Causes of Stress appeared first on Dave Anderson.

The Most Selfish Leadership Move

Leaders are not supposed to be selfish. But, in my job, I spend a lot of time trying to correct the most selfish leadership move a leader can make.  And it is not just the obviously self-centered leaders who make it!

Self-centered leaders abound in our culture today. You do not have look beyond the politicians, the athletes, or the entertainers in the news to see selfish behavior. A self-centered leader is easy to identify.

Many other leaders try to put others first. They think of themselves as servant leaders.  These leaders believe their purpose is to serve the people they are called to lead.  Unfortunately many of these same leaders are selfish and don’t even realize it. 

The Move

Perhaps the most selfish move any leader can make is also the most widespread. The self-focused and the servant leaders often perform this move with sad fequency. The Move?

Not Coaching Your People

The most common reason someone does not receive the coaching they need is the conversation would make the leader uncomfortable.

“I’m not great at confrontation.”
“He gets so angry if I bring this up.”
“I don’t want to make it a bigger deal than it is.”
“She takes up a lot of my time whenever I bring things up.”
“He’s part of a minority people group. I’m not sure how to handle it.”

The center of each of these excuses is the leader. The leader’s own comfort has just become more important than the growth of the individual.

If we change the words around a bit, the leader is actually saying:

“I know that person needs to get better, but my comfort level is more important than his/her growth.”

When you reinterpret the excuses and uncover the real motivation, it really is an alarming indictment of that leader.

Whether they are an obviously self-centered leader, or a leader who strives to be a servant leader, an unwillingness to coach people reveals a critical weakness in their character – selfishness.

The Bottom Line:

Being a leader is not an easy job. It can push us all outside of our comfort zones. But for the good of the people we lead, we must make the choice to be uncomfortable.  

We must choose to have hard conversations with difficult people.  We must choose to coach high and low performers to the best of our abiltities.  We must put everyone’s growth before our own comfort.

Courage, Humility, Selflessness, and Duty are Habits of Character that must be exercised to be developed.  One of the best exercises for developing all of these Habits of Character is coaching your people.

Read the following definitions and see if you agree.

Courage

Acting despite percieved or actual risk.

Humility

Believe and acting like “It’s not about me.”

Selflessness

Putting the needs of others before my own needs, desires, and convenience.

Duty

Taking action based on our assigned tasks and moral obligations.

Question:

What excuses do leaders often use for not coaching their people? 

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).

You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:

bit.ly/LOCBook.

You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post The Most Selfish Leadership Move appeared first on Dave Anderson.

Staying Strong In A Crisis

Business crisis, family crisis, personal crisis – no matter who I am or how blessed a life I’ve led to this point, I will face a crisis sooner or later.   How I respond in a crisis says a lot about who I am as a person and a leader.

Do I run from a challenge or towards one?  Do I act selfishly or selflessly?  Do I disappoint others or do I lead them?

In other words, do I come through the crisis weaker or stronger?

I believe there is one key factor that allows organizations, families and individuals to stay strong during a crisis.  The key is knowing what I believe in.  What do I value above all else?  

“You have to know what you believe BEFORE you get in the moment.”

-Ross Strader, Pastor/Friend

It’s Too Late – The Storm Is Here

You just got notification of a lawsuit brought against you and your business.

Or

Your teenage son just arrived in the ER with alcohol poisoning.

Or

Your spouse just packed his/her bag and said you both needed a break.

This is not the moment to decide what you believe in. 

In the midst of competing thoughts, the swirl of information and the heart pounding anxiety, it is the wrong time to try to decide what is most important.  It is too late to begin deciding what you believe.

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.”

-John F. Kennedy

The Right Time – Before The Storm Hits

What are the values we believe in as a company?  What are the values we believe in as a family?  What are the values I believe in as an individual?

When the days are calm and the sun is shining is the right time to decide what I believe in.  Knowing I have built my company, my family or my life on a foundation of stone instead of on sand will help me stand strong in a storm.

If I have not spent time thinking through what I believe, I am unlikely to react well in a crisis.  What I believe in is the bedrock that will determine my strength in a crisis.  What does this bedrock, this foundation of stone look like?

Here are some examples:

In Business

Integrity
Teamwork
Service
Leadership
Respect
Excellence

In Families and Individuals

Faith
Integrity
Forgiveness
Family
Selflessness
Humility

Now What?

Just saying I believe in something is not enough to prepare me for a crisis.  I must begin to build upon those things I claim to value.  Another term for this is character development.

Character development follows these steps:

Character begins with my thoughts:  What am I reading?  What am I filling my head with?

Thoughts become my words: Do we communicate our beliefs/values to our team/our families?  Do I spend time talking with people who believe what I believe?

Words become my actions:  The more we speak about what we believe in, the more likely we are to act that way.

Actions repeated become habits:  Each time we decide to take action, the easier it becomes to make that decision again.

Habits form our character:  HOW we are is WHO we are!

If we are not in the habit of behaving in line with what we claim to value during the good times, it is highly unlikely we will behave that way during a crisis.

To read more about Values click on the following title:

Values-What Do You Stand For

The Bottom Line:

Crisis management is a vogue term in board rooms, business magazines and MBA programs.  But crisis management often focuses on tactics in the midst of crisis versus developing a strong foundation that will keep me strong in the storm.

Some crisis’s have an origin that we have no control over.  Circumstances in business, families and personally can knock the air out of our lungs.  How will we behave?  Do we know what we believe?  What do we value?

I believe the key to staying strong in a crisis is being sure of what I believe.  When I can’t breathe and am unsure of my next step, knowing what I believe will allow me to stand up to the storm and walk out of it stronger than when I walked in.

Question:

Are your values prepared for the storms to come?

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).
You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:
bit.ly/LOCBook.
You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post Staying Strong In A Crisis appeared first on Dave Anderson.

Be A Courage Giving Leader

Give Courage!  That is what it means to encourage someone.  Some leaders often misinterpret the whole notion of encouragement.  They believe that encouraging someone is a soft skill or skill that only bubbly personalities use.  But it’s not that simple.

There is a lot more to encouraging someone than just flowery words.  Flowery words will not always result in giving someone else Courage. A leader who only uses “rah, rah” encouragement or only uses stern words will likely only reach 50% of their team.

Different Ways to Give Courage

There is no single way to encourage someone.  It is not that easy.  Some people will need one form of encouragement and some people will need another.  

As a young athlete I needed one piece of encouragement.  I needed “The Look”.  Most of the time I looked in the stands for my dad to give me Courage.  Sometimes coaches were the ones who gave me Courage.  All I needed was a nod of the head and “The Look”.  When I got “The Look”, they transferred confidence to me, and I was ready to run through brick walls.

“The Look” worked for me.  But, it is up to the leader/coach to know what form of encouragement is needed by each individual.  

Examples:

Verbal recognition in front of others.
A private hand written note of confidence.
A simple pat on the back or a knowing “thumbs up”.
A stern challenge to be better and a commitment follow-up with them.
Taking time to listen and confirm your understanding.
A challenge to do something new and then do it beside them.
Asking for feedback and input.

Plus, some people may need a different form of encouragement at different times.  I used to make a direct request to my bosses when I was in the corporate world.  I’d tell them “Give me a kick in the butt if I need it.”  Sometimes I needed someone to tell me the hard truth so that I would be encouraged (given Courage) to get out of a rut.

The Bottom Line:

A leader’s willingness to adapt to the needs of the led will go a long way in determining that leader’s success.  A pat on the back or a kick in the butt may be all that’s needed to give someone Courage.  But if a coach is not willing to meet the needs of the player, no one should be surprised when the player fails to respond.

Our best players need encouragement.  Our average players need encouragement.  Our struggling players need encouragement.  A true Leader of Character knows that it is the responsibility of the coach to give Courage to the team.

Encouragement:

Flowery language and pats on the backs?  Yes!
Stern challenges and a kick in the butt?  Yes!

Why?  Because when we are willing to give Courage to others in the way they need to receive it, we demonstrate that we have their best interests in mind.  That is the leader’s job.  That is the coach’s job.  To give Courage to the individuals so they can be the best they can possibly be. 

Be an Encourager – A Courage Giver!

Question:
Do you know what forms of encouragement work best for your team? For your family?

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).
You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:
bit.ly/LOCBook.
You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post Be A Courage Giving Leader appeared first on Dave Anderson.

The Integrity Ripple Effect

Temptation hits me everyday.  I am tempted by a lot of things I wish I wasn’t:  French fries, Buffalo wings, the SI Swimsuit issue, naps, and sarcasm are just a few.  This is just a sub-set of a much larger list.

But the most insidious temptation in my life is lying.  What I used to call fibs, white lies, or exaggerations are truly the hardest temptations to beat. 

With lies, one size fits all.  I no longer qualify my lies. As with all lies, the ripple effects of fibs, white lies and exaggerations can cause a lot of damage.

For the sake of clarity, when I refer to lying, I am all-inclusive. These are all lies:

Telling the policeman I didn’t know how fast I was going.
Asking someone else to clock in for me.
Telling my wife I am on my way when I haven’t left yet.
Lying under oath in court.
Claiming a larger role in a project than I actually played.
Pointing to the other end of the court when I actually touched the ball last.
Cheating on my taxes.
Cheating on my wife.

There are no levels based on circumstances or the perceived magnitude of the consequences.  If I do any of these things – I AM LYING! 

The Integrity Ripple Effect

You may have heard the anecdote about a butterfly beating its wings in Arizona causing a dust storm on the other side of the globe.  I am not insinuating that my lies have impact in China.

Unfortunately the impact of my lies, and yours, hit much closer to home.  Circumstances or perceived consequences do not change the impact my lies can have on my character, my team or my family.

My Character

My character is the essence of who I am as a person.  I believe my character is the sum total of my habits – the good ones and the bad ones.

If I succumb to the temptation to lie, no matter the circumstances or perceived consequences – I AM LYING. 

If I give in to this temptation, I am not a man of integrity – I AM A LIAR. 

That is the ripple effect.  Any stone thrown in a pond creates ripples.  A small lie or a big lie creates ripples in my character that change me for the worse.

Each time I give in to the voice in my head that tries to convince me the lie is not a big deal this time, it is easier to lie the next time.  Conversely, each time I conquer the temptation, it becomes easier to beat the next time.

My Team

As a leader, if I have a low integrity threshold, so will my team.  While my company or my team may claim to value integrity, the leader’s actions will do more to determine the integrity of the team than anything else.

However, I am not only addressing  the people with the title.  I am speaking to each of us, because we all wield influence on those we work around.

Whatever title we hold, our lies impact those around us.  The lies of the leader are a straight shot of poison into the bloodstream of a team.  The lies of a team member are just as poisonous but may take longer to kill.

With each lie, the team changes.  Trust becomes a liability instead of an asset.  As soon as anyone identifies a liar, trust across the whole team breaks down.  When that happens, selfishness and politics become the true character of my team and I am to blame.

My Family

I am creating liars at home:

When I do my child’s science project for him.
When I write a note, with a bogus excuse for my child to miss school so we can leave on vacation early.
When I call the coach and claim my child has a headache so I do not have to drive to practice today.

It takes discipline for an over-extended, over-worked and over-stressed parent to fight the temptation to lie in these circumstances.  It may seem to make my life easier at the moment, but the ripples can carry on for generations.

I believe my children will remember my actions longer than they will remember my words.  The longer I am around teenagers, the more I realize how much they hate hypocrites.

If I preach one thing to them but they see me do another, should I be surprised when I lose their respect and they begin to rebel?

I was told a long time ago, that with kids, more is caught than taught.  No matter how much I preach integrity to my children, if they see me lie, they will emulate my actions.

The Bottom Line:

If I believe my lies do not impact my character, my team, and my family, I am not only a liar, I am a fool as well!

I am not claiming it is easy to beat temptation.  There are no temptations that are not common to all of mankind.  The good news is, they are our temptations not our destinies. 

I am always provided with a way out of temptation if I look.  I have choices.  I have a choice to fight for my integrity or to join the common masses who justify away their lies.

I must believe a lie is a lie.  I must believe my integrity is the most valuable and most controllable asset I have in life.  I must fight the temptation to justify my lies with circumstances or consequences.   Only fools use those arguments.

I was that fool for too long.  But at a certain point, I decided I was no longer going to be a lying fool.  I wanted to be a man of integrity.

I wanted to be a man I believed in, my team believed in and my family believed in.  I wanted the ripples of my actions to have a positive effect on my character, my team, and my family.

The ripple effect of integrity goes both ways.  Give in to temptation and I will cause more damage than I can see.  Beat temptation, and I could change the course of my life and that of everyone around me.

Question:

What temptation to lie can you fight today?

Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).

You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:

bit.ly/LOCBook.

You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.

The post The Integrity Ripple Effect appeared first on Dave Anderson.