Colin Browne's Blog - Posts Tagged "scene"
Let the dialogue set the scene
There are hundreds of ways to scene set in the middle of a flowing dialogue, and finding the right way to execute this really crucial element of the story is one thing that has frequently irritated me.
I hate the idea for instance that you have to break a brilliant (or at least a complete and flowing) monologue in order to present the reaction to the words being said. I don't mean that I don't do that ever, but it seems to me that there is generally a better way of making this happen simply by making your characters more talkative and by being faithful to real-world conversational patterns.
What the hell am I talking about, right?
Well compare these two. The first is a rejected passage from my book The Baggage Handler; the second is what made it into the book:
1) "You wouldn’t believe how I’ve got in my own way here and what a mess I’ve nearly made of this about half a dozen times now," Martin said.
Jake rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, his contempt for the story as clear as the open sky.
"Look if you want my help, start paying attention, because here comes the good bit," said Martin, now irritated.
2) "You wouldn’t believe how I’ve got in my own way here and what a mess I’ve nearly made of this about half a dozen times now. If your intention is to show me contempt openly, Jake, then please continue with the eye-rolling and the sighing. If you want my help however, pay attention, because here comes the good bit."
I prefer the second example, and that's what I used. It doesn't break the monologue, it describes Martin's reaction to Jake's reaction and that's an element that's missing in the first example. And also because truthfully, I can hear myself saying precisely something like that.
What do you think?
I hate the idea for instance that you have to break a brilliant (or at least a complete and flowing) monologue in order to present the reaction to the words being said. I don't mean that I don't do that ever, but it seems to me that there is generally a better way of making this happen simply by making your characters more talkative and by being faithful to real-world conversational patterns.
What the hell am I talking about, right?
Well compare these two. The first is a rejected passage from my book The Baggage Handler; the second is what made it into the book:
1) "You wouldn’t believe how I’ve got in my own way here and what a mess I’ve nearly made of this about half a dozen times now," Martin said.
Jake rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, his contempt for the story as clear as the open sky.
"Look if you want my help, start paying attention, because here comes the good bit," said Martin, now irritated.
2) "You wouldn’t believe how I’ve got in my own way here and what a mess I’ve nearly made of this about half a dozen times now. If your intention is to show me contempt openly, Jake, then please continue with the eye-rolling and the sighing. If you want my help however, pay attention, because here comes the good bit."
I prefer the second example, and that's what I used. It doesn't break the monologue, it describes Martin's reaction to Jake's reaction and that's an element that's missing in the first example. And also because truthfully, I can hear myself saying precisely something like that.
What do you think?
