Chloé Caldwell's Blog, page 11

life is grand

we went and conquered miami, i think. swam in the ocean, went to a strip club, got tattoos, watched CATFISHED, long walks on the beach, drank tons of coffee….etc.

sangria!!!

WOMEN was shortlisted for best novella for the Saboteur Awards. If you have a second, please vote for it, because you could help me win 125 euro Josephine Baker champagne, which would spark joy (inside joke with people who have read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up) in my life. It’s open to vote until May 24.

I’ve an interview coming out with Maggie Nelson (MAGGIE NELSON!!! as the people call her) in Salon about her new book THE ARGONAUTS some time this week, maybe today? This book is really shaking the lit world up–it’s exciting to watch. My only disclaimer is that I had a week deadline to do this interview. I am berating myself for the interview not being amazing and perfect—I’m usually not on this side of the bar, and I now have much more compassion for everyone who has asked me interview questions in the past. It’s harder than it looks! Also–it’s hard for me to talk about writing in many ways. It’s too ephemeral. 

WOMEN was reviewed in WEIRD SISTER:

Chloe Caldwell’s Women Isn’t About Anything and It’s About Everything

Next month, June 23rd, I’ll be reading from WOMEN, funnily enough, at BOOK WOMAN in Austin, Texas with my one of my best buddies Erika Kleinman. Erika reached out to me in 2012 after seeing Cheryl Strayed reccommend Legs Get Led Astray on this Barnes and Noble list. We started emailing and I helped her edit some essays, like this one. Since then we’ve become really close friends and met for the first time this past December when she visited me in New York. She’s a really special friend and I can’t wait to read with her. Erika’s essay, The Perfect Pair, is one of my all-time favorites–I always teach it in my classes.

Also, every time I go to Austin I have a blast. The first time I went was with my brother and dad when I was 20. We listened to Bright Eyes a bunch, took a road trip to Blooming Grove, I bought clothes I vividly remember from Buffalo Exchange and various thrift stores, and my brother and I went to see The Fruit Bats.

The last time I was there was for book tour in 2012 with Mary Miller and Elizabeth Ellen. Dang, I look young! Isn’t it sad how you think you look fat/gross, then you look back and see you actually looked fine? Never mind, I’ll save this for therapy.

Two more days to sign up for my class: Polish and Publish Your Personal Essay. If you want to sign up but have questions about stuff, feel free to email me: cocomonet@gmail.com

Life is good!!! I should get a Tshirt.

“making art about relationships is hard”

The Rumpus published a review of WOMEN in illustration form by the talented Sara Lautman. Check it out here. 

 

 

A reminder that Polish and Publish Your Personal Essay starts MAY 7. The class goes for 4 weeks and we meet on Thursdays, online with a new lecture and assignment from yours truly. It’s an amazing time and we make friends and you end class with 4 essays ready for publication.

But now I’m leaving for Miami w these b******. It’s like a book tour reunion.

a nice old lady with a tattoo

been thinking a lot about this thing i heard desiree akhavan say on a podcast. they were asking her about her movie appropriate behavior (how much is autobiographical? how does your family handle you writing so nakedly?) and she was like, i failed every where else. i had all these tutors and they were like, wtf is wrong with you? i was embarrassingly mediocre every where but my art. to say i related would be an understatement. i started getting bad grades in middle school. i wasn’t on the high honor roll, lucky if i got on the honor roll. in my art i fail, obviously, but i fail less and i fail in a way that doesn’t bother me. it’s like writing is the only thing i’ve seen success in.

the reading at pete’s candy store last thursday was awesome. thanks to everyone who came out!! one of the best ambiance/vibes of a reading i’d done in a long time.  great stage for readings. i remember seeing some music there with my brother in like 2006.

with the loveliest Elisa Albert

my jacket matched the backdrop

sunday afternoon in hudson at courville gallery, i read with abigail thomas, author of three memoirs and two novels. it was such an honor to read with her. i’ve owned her book “thinking about memoir” since i was 22 and highly rec it for anyone writing CNF. abigail read one part where a student described her as ‘a nice old lady with a tattoo’. she was shocked because she doesn’t consider herself nice, or old, or a lady. “didn’t he see me smoking and shooting tequila?” she said.

Abigail Thomas w her lizard tattoo

How lazy I am for SITTING while I read

  uhhh what else. no more readings going on for a bit. how boring are these photos of me standing with a book? do writers really feel that invisible? i explored this a little bit in my essay Microphones, but i find myself thinking about it A LOT lately.  though it wouldn’t feel authentic i guess if i were posting photos of like, animals and landscapes. saw the movie ‘while we’re young’ last night with my mom. funny. this is a little free library in the town i grew up in. i stop at it each time i drive by and yesterday found a copy of ‘on the road’, ‘traveling mercies’, and ‘nine stories’. score, am i right?   at penn station the other day, i did this:

one of these things is not like the other

april readings

some april events. thursday, april 9th in brooklyn. sunday, april 12th, in hudson. see you somewhere, hopefully.

Facebook event is here. Maybe I’ll coordinate my dress with Elisa’s tattoo yet again.

Sunday April 12th with Abigail Thomas. Facebook event.  I’m told the below reading will have nice cheese and wine.

Someone emailed me once many months ago, and was like, bummed out that I don’t sign my website posts “love, chloe” anymore. Haha! I thought that was really funny.

Yesterday I turned 29. Here’s a photo my mom took when I was…..six?

LOVE

CHLOE

shades of bleu

Another anthology I’m in along with Courtney Love, (!!) Pam Houston, and Angela Patel. Releases September 2015, but you can pre-order it now.  

From Amazon:

30 Shades of Blue collects the perspectives of well-known writers on depression, sadness, suicide, and being blue, through stories as personal as they are unforgettable. The silent epidemic of depression affects millions of people and takes dozens of lives everyday, while our culture grapples with a stigma against open discussion of mental health issues. Editor Amy Ferris has collected these stories to illuminate the truth behind that stigma and offer compassion, solidarity, and hope for all those who have felt blue.

Contributors to 30 Shades of Blue include:

Pam Houston
Beverly Donofrio
Matt Ebert
Caroline Leavett
Courtney Love
Chloe Caldwell
Kitty Sheehan
Christine Kehl O’Hagan
Jimmy Camp
Ruthe Pennebaker
Sherry Amanstein
Laurie Easter

30 Shades of Blue brings the conversation around depression and sadness into the open with real, first-hand accounts of depression and mental health issues, offering empathy to all those who have been affected by these issues.

***

I guess I’ll come out of the closet and say I’m almost done putting together a brand new essay collection, titled:

I’ll Tell You In Person. 

***

Anthologies are sort of the best, in some ways. When I was 21 or something I read a tip for writers which was: submit to anthologies. That way you can meet other writers and do readings and stuff.

Also, it was fun to find this anthology at the library the other day because my friend, the late Maggie Estep has an essay in it that I never knew about, called Lisa The Drunken Slut, of course.

I published an essay on Medium called The Laziest coming Out Story You’ve Ever Heard and I was really surprised at the response! I got lots of emails from strangers and friends it was also a top 20 read on Medium. I’m sort of unclear about why. I don’t mean that in a fishing for compliments way. I just mean like, I wasn’t afraid to publish it and didn’t spend a long time writing it like I do with most my essays. So I was surprised it spoke to people, that must say something about labels, the culture, etc. It’s a short version, and the longer one is going to go in my new book.

I saw Elisa Albert and Jenny Offill in conversation at Oblong Books 2 weeks ago and will be reading with Elisa Albert  at Pete’s Candy store in Williamsburg, April 9, 730pm.

mission creek festival

a girl named lindsay wallace wrote an essay called “how women in literature taught me to write fearlessly and purposefully” and it was really touching to me for a few reasons. one is because she lists me with these women, but another is because i could have written the essay. it sounded like me, naming my personal nonfiction heroes, cheryl strayed and anne lamott.

Growing up, I was obsessed with memoirs, creative nonfiction and personal essay collections.

I dove headfirst into books about self-exploration, breakups, human suffering, sexual exploration and addiction. I particularly loved female authors who were telling their stories through their feelings.

Authors like Joan Didion, Anne Lamott, Cheryl Strayed, Elizabeth Gilbert, Marya Hornbacher, Sylvia Plath and now lesser-known female writers, like Chloe Caldwell, Leslie Jamison and Roxane Gay.

I lovingly refer to them as my literary mothers because it’s through them I found my inspiration to write.

Going to Iowa City on April 2nd through April 5 for the mission creek festival.

Let me know if YOU are going to be there, and/or send your friends. I’m reading, so is Jenny Zhang, Lorrie Moore, Sarah Gerard, Porchista Khapour, Ben Fama…. tons of bands and comics.

days like this

WOMEN is reviewed in the print issue of the Spring BITCH magazine. It’s most def a mixed review, starts off okay but gets a little nasty toward the end. They recommend reading “Any Other Mouth” by Annelise Mackintosh inSTEAD of WOMEN, which is ironic, because I’ve been trying to buy that book locally for a few months and it’s hard to find. Now I will definitely buy it. It was rec’d by a friend.

My essay “Heroin and Acne” is in this anthology, Days Like This, coming in April or May from California Bookstore Day. They’re not printing many and once they’re gone, they’re gone. Stoked to be in a book with Anne Lamott. She’s one of my all time favorites and a huge inspiration since I was a teenager.

I just finished Binary Star by Sarah Gerard. I’ll be reading with her in Iowa next month. I’m re-reading Jonathan Ames and Jonathan Lethem essay collections. I saw Still Alice with my mom (was disappointed, did not do it for me) and watched Red Flag by Alex Karpovsky (love, hilarious, like the male version of Tiny Furniture) and am looking forward to While We’re Young by Noah Baumbach to release this month.

My essay “Learning To Sit Still” is going into an anthology called 50 Shades of Blue, coming from Seal press. There’s rumor that Courtney Love is also in this book….

whereabouts

In March I’m hibernating and writing, but in April I am out and about. Here’s some places I’ll be reading, and I may be adding one more in Mass.

Friday, April 3rd  

(I’ll be turning 29 this day, so feel free to mail me presents)

Mission Creek Festival

Iowa City

Litcrawl
Readings at 5:00, 6:00, and 7:00 in multiple venues throughout the Iowa City Downtown District.

With Sarah Gerard, Jenny Zhang, Amelia Gray and more

Thursday, April 9th

Pete’s Candy Store

730pm

Brooklyn, NY

with Elisa Albert

Sunday, April 12th

Marianne Courville Gallery

3pm

431 Warren Street

Hudson, NY

with Abigail Thomas

I can’t wait for Spring!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m teaching my HIT personal essay class again. It starts May 7th. Sign up! Email me if you have questions about it. All of the information is here. (cocomonet@gmail.com)

writing for money $$$$ confessions

My friend Karina thinks money confessions are the new taboo. So of course if something is taboo I need to write about it. Everything I list below, I did without an agent. There was no book advance for Legs Get Led Astray, and there haven’t been royalties for either Legs Get Led Astray or Women. The only times i really feel like I “sold out” for my writing was the GRAZIA interview and Men’s Health gig. But not even. I’m glad I did those things, they paid my rent. Everything else was written exactly the way i wanted to write it.

Age 25, pre-Legs Get Led Astray, 2011

Masturbating with Moxie, The Frisky, $75
Ortho-tricyclen ruined my relationship, The Frisky, $75
7 Day Sex Plan, The Frisky: $50

(Jobs that year: Worked at my dad’s store, MUSICA, babysat)

Age 26, post Legs Get Led Astray, 2013

Heroin and Acne, Salon.com,  $150
Leaning To Sit Still, The Fix, $150
Five Senses of Sex, Men’s Health, $500
Audible (bought rights to LGLA), $900
The New Age Camp, an ebook by Thought Catalog (I get 40% of sale of this book, and this book doesn’t sell. I got a check from them for $2.35 once and something around $150 once.)
Reading at University of Southern Indiana, $500

(Jobs that year: Nannied/housesat/cat sat for Cheryl Strayed, worked part-time at Powell’s Books, Did some essay editing)

Age 27, pre WOMEN, 2013/2014

Sold WOMEN to SF/LD for $3000
Leaving My Groovy Lifestyle, anthologized in Goodbye To All That, $150

(Jobs that year: Worked at MUSICA, taught personal essay class through Litreactor.com, babysat)

Age 28, post WOMEN, 2014/2015

Interview with GRAZIA, $500
Audio rights to WOMEN, Audible, $500
Ebook rights to Emily Books, $500
Maggie and Me, Vice, $200
Behind The Till, Human Parts/Medium $150
Dyke Shopping, Human Parts/Medium, $150
Roommates, Human Parts/Medium, $150
Urban Eating, Human Parts/Medium, $150
Not My Cats, Human Parts/Medium, $150
Microphones, Thought Catalog, $1500
Soft Butch Blues, Thought Catalog, $175
Reading at The College of St. Rose, $750

(Jobs: Worked at Musica, worked for catering company, taught essay class for Litreactor.com, manuscript critiquing, essay editing, week-long nannying gigs in Portland for Cheryl, work at clothing boutique.)

Not included:

People that buy my books from me at readings or on my website. Random checks Amazon sent to Future Tense Books for my ebook that I would sometimes get part of.

For free since 2009:

The Rumpus, Poets & Writers, Jersey Devil Press, The Nervous Breakdown, Vol 1. Brooklyn, The Sun, Freerange Nonfiction, The Faster Times, Hobart, Everyday Genius, Gloom Cupboard, Smalldoggies, True Tales of Lust and Love anthology, Used Furniture Review, SMITH, Mr. Beller’s Neighborhood, NW Book Lovers.

I’ve been writing for publication since I was 24. 

So in five years I’ve made a grand total of:  $10,427.35 from writing. 

Which, if you’re a cup half empty or full person, this could either be incredibly dire or inspirational. I look at this list and think I’ve come a really long way. It’s obvious to say I would like more money.

The writing for free has led me to better opportunities, and I still write for free and think everyone should/has to at least for a little while. Writing for The Rumpus led me to so many friendships and paid gigs later. Etc.

I write often and whatever I want, but I am uncomfortable financially. Nothing I purchase is without panic and anxiety. Sometimes non-writers have seen some press I’ve gotten, and they say to me, “You’re doing so well, how do you feel?” And I begin to act strange, because I’m incredibly broke and unsure what they are implying. I have gotten LOTS of press and reviews, it’s completely true, and I’m eternally grateful for that.

Questions? Comments?

I was listening to James Frey on a podcast yesterday and he was saying he adamantly believes writers are like athletes, they peak and run out of steam in their fifties and sixties or earlier. I sort of agreed with him. He said it gets too exhausting, ambition runs out, and you don’t have it in you to sit at your desk eight hours a day anymore.

In the below photo I am twenty-five years old with my first check for writing–from The Frisky. It’s in my dad’s store, he took the photo.

playboy, conor oberst, sry abt my sucky website

Should be working on some essays right now but feel unfocused so here’s some updates. I also want to acknowledge that my website is mostly a place for me to talk about the press my books get. I feel really self-conscious ACTUALLY writing on my website. I save it all for my books or essays. I’m sorry if this is disappointing. I know some authors, like Maggie Estep for example, would write actual stories or essays or anecdotes. For some reason, I cannot do that on this format. But if you have any ideas of how I could make my site more interesting, email me. Maybe I could talk more about what I’m reading and watching and listening to because I compulsively read and watch and listen to things. Right now, I’m listening to Conor Oberst on Marc Maron! It’s pretty fascinating. I haven’t thought much about Conor since I was 21 and obsessed with him. I’m reading How To Grow Up by Michelle Tea. The movie I want to re-watch is The Beginners, and the movie I am DYING for is Noah Baumbach’s new one, While We’re Young. Oh and my new favorite band is Lucius. 

Playboy put WOMEN on this list. No clue how that happened, but it did so now my dreams of being in Playboy have been met, and I can sleep at night.

10 EROTICA BOOKS BETTER THAN ‘FIFTY SHADES OF GREY’ (THAT OUGHTA BE MOVIES)

I wouldn’t necessarily call my book an erotica book, lol, but, whatever, they put me next to my friend Henry Miller.

First love—it’s something we all can relate to and vividly remember. Mine was Lance Bass from NYSNC, but we all know how that turned out. But WOMEN by Chloe Caldwell amps up this experience with her brave autobiographical tale about unexpectedly falling head over heels for a woman. The story is powerful, hot and will have you thinking 2015 is the year of the lesbian. Plus, Blue is the Warmest Color showed America just how hot erotic lesbian novels can be on screen.

I sold the rights of WOMEN to AUDIBLE, so if you listen to books on tape, you can listen. I’m not sure who will be narrating it, but they said I have some say in all that. I’m gonna push for David Sedaris.

Medium put Legs Get Led Astray on this list:
6 Books That Will Make You Want To Be A Better Human

Every paragraph will make you want to grab life by the horns and then cut the tips off the horns and suck the marrow out of the horns. These are personal essays—some in second-person, like letter-essays. Each is so compact and raw and real it’s like a neutron star. Caldwell doesn’t seem like a ~writer~ as much as a real person who is living her life and telling you the truth.

There’s an article called Sad Girls, about Lana Del Ray and Tragic heroines. It’s a really interesting essay.

Powell’s Books is embracing the notion of sad women who can conquer the world, with their new section of books that celebrate the tragic heroine. In literature, we see countless instances of the tragic hero, especially in Shakespeare, but tragic heroines are not a household phrase. Lena Dunham, Sylvia Plath, Chloe Caldwell and Zelda Fitzgerald find themselves in the tragic heroines section. They are among those who have something deeply powerful to say to the world: We are sad because we are oppressed. Whether a book is about a tragic heroine character or written by a tragic heroine, women are pouring their sadness into their art in order to develop a groundbreaking message.

Here’s a photo from my reading in SF last week. As I stated at the reading, I was in awful shape: jet lagged and sick from drinking margaritas and wine the night before. When in Rome.

Happy Chinese New Year!!!!