Kiri Callaghan's Blog, page 6

TW: Suicide - Ink & Stardust

I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of suicide and the mentality of the suicidally depressed since the news about the exploitative vlogger disrespecting Aokigahara came out.

I ranted a bit on twitter about it in the moment, because at the time I had been so filled with anger it just sort of vomited out of me. Having taken some time to really mull over these thoughts and articulate them better… At least I hope

We have a common problem when dealing with mental illness, of looking at it from the mind-set of a healthy place and making our judgements there.

We cannot help people without empathy, and you cannot empathize with someone struggling from suicidal ideation with regular logic. You cannot apply your outside-looking-in thinking to someone inside depression.

Depression lies to you. It lies so well and so much.

Which is why you can’t scare or shock a person dealing with ideation out of being suicidal by showing them a dead body. That’s how you shock someone who WANTS to live. That won’t help here.

People who’ve struggled with ideation know what dead bodies look like. Being confronted with the dead isn’t what stops the suicidal from being suicidal. People dealing with ideation aren’t scared of being dead, they long for it. That’s what being suicidal means. Wanting that peace, being out of the anxiety of existing, getting to rest.

The living… THAT is what gives the suicidal pause.

Not living with the people you love. Not getting to see them every day, not being around, knowing on some level you are going to hurt them.

It’s when depression has snuffed those thoughts out… that it wins.

When we have convinced ourselves it would be better on those we love, if we were not around. That we are doing them a favor.

That’s why I get so frustrated when anyone says suicide is the most selfish act a person can do. It denotes a complete lack of understanding of that person’s pain. Because to that person. Depression has convinced them that it is the most SELFLESS thing they could do.

I don’t want you to know what that place feels like first-hand, because it’s not an easy edge to walk away from. But I need you to try to understand from that point of view. We cannot help people struggling with mental illness without empathy, and you cannot help someone through that darkness without realizing they will not be using your logic.

You have clearer vision on the outside. And some people, will be able to acknowledge that. But a lot of people? That Depression has been lying to their brain for so long, they’re convinced the best thing they can do for you–the most loving thing they can do for everyone–is to go away.

No matter how untrue that is.

I walked away from that edge because I saw the absolute devastation my brother’s death left in its wake. The sobs and wailing from my sister on the way to the graveyard, the look in my parents’ eyes. The tremors we still feel today. The discomfort of going out to eat and remembering we’re a family of 4 now, not 5.

You don’t get used to it. People don’t get used to it.

I’ve got a bullet wound that never fully stops bleeding. You get distracted, and you don’t think about it all the time, but then out of the blue, I remember, ‘My brother genuinely thought the world would be a better place without him. That we would be better without him’.

And it hurts again.

Everyone is different, and everyone has different motives, so I don’t want to make a sweeping generalization here… But I have seen an uncomfortable trend with addressing those dealing with mental illness and suicidal ideation with the logic of being on the outside looking in.

And you can’t do that. That’s not empathy. And it won’t help anyone.

Creativity & Healing - Ink & Stardust

January has always been a strange time for me since we lost my brother in 2013. For better or for worse, I find myself feeling very introspective. What I’ve done, what I want to do, how I am mentally.

Joelmas (The self-designated holiday of mental health and self-care celebrated in the Curiosity Community on January 30th), of course is a day for taking care of myself mentally… I always treat myself to something special. Tea, a manicure, a massage, or even just a day free of guilt to play video games.

The importance we put around the new year has always struck me as a bit strange.

“New year, new me”, so many say and make resolutions of how this year will be different than the last. Some they keep, some they don’t.

But the truth of the matter is, it’s not new year, new you. It’s new day—new moment, new you. We’re these ever-evolving creatures, minutely shifting from ever experience we have, and normally we’re changing at a rate that our minds can keep up.

But then something throws us out of balance… We get out of sync.

I’ve been out of sync for a long time now.

I’ve been trying to find a structure I’m comfortable with in regards to creating, and, as I imagine you’ve noticed, I’ve been struggling. I’ve talked a bit about getting out of an unhealthy situation, and I’m sure you’ve pieced together that the past few years have been… difficult.

But I haven’t really admitted that to myself. I’ve been, for the most party, trying to carry on as if getting out was all I needed to do. As if post-traumatic stress wasn’t even a thing I could possibly have to worry about… And that’s been taking its toll.

I still have good days. I don’t want you to think I’ve been in this pit with no reprieve because that’s not true. But much like dealing with actual abuse, the recovery from abuse isn’t all bad days. So you convince yourself you’re fine. You’re not THAT hurt… all the while you’re still sort of emotionally bleeding out.

The past month or so, I’ve… really noticed where I’m still wounded. Where I’ve been using anger or distraction to ignore it.

So I’m currently taking steps to really address those broken pieces. So I can get out of this mostly numb state and back to… well… being me. 100% of the time me. Not disconnected, not blocked creatively save for the few spurts of emotional vomit or what have you…

So what does that mean? For me personally, it means a lot of things, like being a bit kinder on myself for one, and more importantly, reaching out for some professional help.

And it also  means we’re going to wander a bit you and I. Creatively. We’re going to shrug off structure and let ourselves be messy. It means I want to create one new thing a week, and I’m not going to hold myself to what form that has to be.

Maybe it will be a vlog about nothing, or a video about cooking, a song, or a long-form written confession about my latest therapy break through—I’m giving myself that freedom. We’re leaning hard into the ‘whim’ of whimsy and see where that takes us.

At least, I hope you’ll come with me. That’s your own decision to make. But I hope you will. I’ll get back to something more structured eventually—I’d really like to get back to doing regular delves into curious things. Some may even come out of this freeform wander.

But if you want to wait till I get back to that. I understand. Do what’s best for you.

But if you are game to tumble down wherever the rabbit hole leads us…

Well?

Take my hand.

And get ready to jump.

We’ve got a whole lotta worlds to see.

Somewhere Only We Know - Ink & Stardust

Header image provided by Marcus Emerick

It’s been a bit of a whirlwind since we last added to our collection in the Curiosity Cabinet, hasn’t it?

Since then, I’ve talked a lot about managing energy, emotional labor, and working through emotional funks.

So… you’ve probably guessed I’ve been having a hard time keeping up my energy, and that I’ve been struggling with emotional drain and the like. But I’m okay. I’m figuring out what does and doesn’t work for me.

And even if I’ve been a little quiet, I have found some amazing things on my latest travels through the worlds. And many of those were thanks to you!

A post shared by Kiri Callaghan (@kiricallaghan) on Dec 1, 2017 at 12:54pm PST

Curios Found Along My Way:

Turkey Won’t Put You To Sleep

Winston Churchill’s Lost Essay on Extraterrestrials

Elizebeth S. Friedman, Nazi Hunter

Crows, Far From Bird-Brained

Frequencies To Travel By:

Keep Me Warm (feat. Erin Bowman) · The Little Estate

Roots Before Branches · RoomForTwo

Things We Lost In The Fire · Janet Devlin

O.K. Fine · Clover The Girl

A post shared by Kiri Callaghan (@kiricallaghan) on Nov 28, 2017 at 5:48pm PST

Stories Collected:

Irkadura · Ksenia Anske

Murder on the Ballarat · Kerry Greenwood

Life is Strange: Before The Storm (Chapter 1) · Deck Nine

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel · Amazon Studios

To each their own cup of tea, but I thoroughly enjoyed this show. From the wit of the dialogue, to the amazing performances from Tony Shalhoub (who is apparently capable of a death stare that would wither an entire harvest of crops), Alex Borstein (whom I almost rarely get to see on screen rather than voicing a character), and Luke Kirby (Slings & Arrows) who had Lenny Bruce’s mannerisms down pat.

This is not to detract from the work of Rachel Brosnahan’s marvelous portrayal of Midge Maisel. Her comedic timing is perfection to say the least. I’ve yet to watch House of Cards (I know, I know), so this was my first time seeing her work. In short, I binged this entire show in the span of about two days (only because sleep had to happen and there was work in the way) and not only look forward to season 2, but am excited to see Brosnahan’s future and past work.

Current (Public) Projects:

Changeling (ongoing)

Irkadura Audiobook (End of January)

Tree · Wordy Wednesday · Kiriosity

Realms of the Wild (Every Other Saturday)

Adventures with YOU:

Send me a picture of your favorite area to explore/wander near your home!

— Kiri Callaghan (@KiriCallaghan) December 5, 2017

 

If I’m on foot, there’s a lot of forest around here. Untouched & abandoned fields. Large enough to explore, small enough not to get lost. Especially early winter they’re nice to wander around. pic.twitter.com/Z1J9xXldjJ

— JP Rakath (@JP_Rakath) December 5, 2017

 

Wandering around town this time last year. That “chocolate quarter” is what’s left of the legendary Frys/Cadburys Somerdale factory that was a massive part of this town until US Kraft bought Cadburys and sold it off for development

Building Your Safe Creative Space - Ink & Stardust

ROBYN BECK/Getty Images





We’ve talked about self-care, and we’ve talked about pampering our brains when they’ve decided, “Nah bra, I can’t deal with the world atm.”

Because we do need to do that. We need to take time to give ourselves extra love, because honestly, the US is kinda a dumpster fire right now, and that makes existing a bit exhausting. Not to mention if you want to do anything creative.

But while ennui deserves to be acknowledged, it is a rather selfish emotion and sometimes it takes up more time than we can deal with. Or, it doesn’t leave after it’s been tended to.

And creating, as we know, can be its own form of self-care. So how does one engage in that life-giving endeavor if they’re too emotionally exhausted to begin?

This is where making a Creative Safe Space comes in. And we do it by tending to the five senses as needed. You may find you don’t need all of these every day, or even any day, but I’ve found soothing each to be a profitable endeavor. In carefully considering each sense and how it can best be tended to in order to give you a safe space to create in, you can create routine, and even use sense memory to your advantage.
Sound

Sound is a huge factor in how we relate to the world around us. Countless studies have dedicated time and effort to investigate how various sounds can soothe or irritate our mental states. Some can help us focus, some provide erratic distraction. So this is a huge one to consider in regards to creating your creative safe space. What do you need in terms of sound to do your art?

For some, they need absolute silence, for others, they work best when mentally tuning out the din of a busy coffee shop.

For me? It’s a storm. The sound of downpour and thunder soothes me into a place of contentment and introspection. Whatever the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder is, that’s me. Shut out the summer sun, I find it exhausting. Depending on the auditory input, I can get overstimulated and overwhelmed, but given the right ingredients, I can tune out the rest of the world, and with a storm and some music to set the mood of the scene I’m writing, I’m good to go.  Of course, I can’t actually summon storms (I was just as shocked as you are), so I use a handy little tool like Noisli.

Sight

Even if you’re ultimately just going to be staring at a screen, or a page of paper, the visuals of what’s around you are incredibly important. Are they too bright, too dark, too garish? Is it cluttered, is it cramped, is it too open?

These are all things to consider regarding your comfort level. I personally have a very hard time working in a cluttered space. If the area around me is full of unorganized junk, my brain is also similarly discombobulated. I’ve found I work best in a clean well-lighted place.

Though “well lighted” can mean many things depending on the person. For me, it’s soft natural light in through my window. And if it’s too late in the day for that, I respond best with soft twinkly lights about my room that give the illusion of candlelight.

Touch

Where are you sitting when you create? Are you better standing? Are you comfortable, or does your back hurt? Do you need a straight back chair, or a cozy nest of pillows? It’s important to consider longevity in regards to this as carpal tunnel and back trouble are no joke, and can create future hinderances to your creative work.

Also I have come to the realization that I REALLY need to get ready for the day, even if I’m not leaving the house. I need that shower and I REALLY need to be wearing real pants. Not cozy pants! Real, I could go out into the world and look like a regular human (within reason) pants. Otherwise I feel like I’m just drifting about until I nap/sleep again. This may not be the case for you, but there’s something about the feeling of ‘ready for the day’ clothes that helps me get to work on my art.

Smell

We all know a little about our olfactory senses and how smell can strongly link us to certain memories or emotions. So creating a scent-scape, essentially, that is you “gonna make some art now!” can be very helpful. For me? I tend to light incense before I get to work. I’m pagan and a bit of a hippie, so I will often use some “banishing” incense to send away any current anxieties or mental distractions. This ritual in itself is helpful to me but I’ve done it often enough that the scent of incense gets me in a ‘let’s get to work’ sort of mindset. Perhaps for you it’s a particular kind of scented candle you light, or perhaps you just avoid this sense all together because you find it distracting.

Taste

This may also be a back burner sort of thing for a lot of people, because it tends to have less of an impact. But for me, routine and ritual are often very  helpful in coaxing my mind into a state it may be reluctant to go. So I always make myself a nice pot of tea before I dive in to writing or filming. Maybe you need that cup of coffee. Maybe it’s a hearty breakfast or meal etc. Again, you may not need it, but it’s good to take some time to think about it.

While you shouldn’t need any of these to create, and maybe you can only bring your music with you if you’re on the go, these tools can be helpful. Because when I’m in a state of absolute ennui, I’m then able to create an environment that shifts that point of view. We’re able to sort of exploit our own sense memory into pulling us out of a numb state of defeat. Because even though you might be feeling ‘blah’, your five senses say… ‘wait… no, we gotta wake up.. it’s time to do some art’.

Irkadura – Review - Ink & Stardust

Healing from trauma is a non-linear ever-continuing process. I did not expect this book to become one of many tools in my collection to aid that process, yet here we are, and I’m still at a loss for words, even after days of letting my thoughts digest.

I was warned I would weep.

But, I did not. I wish it had been that simple.

Reading Irkadura, I felt inspired, and heartbroken. Hollowed out with an old wooden spoon, and frayed at the edges. The sort of sadness where you wish you felt like crying, because then it would release, and be gone. Instead it lingers in you like cold on the bones after standing in the chill too long.

Beautifully ugly.

I didn’t find the horrible events described triggering so much as a tool to look at those moments from a distance. Irina’s view of her abuse lends the reader a detached point of view to be able to view their own trauma, and while possibly not intentionally, provides a sort of language that eases the difficulty in speaking of it. A set of some kind of linguistic training wheels for those not yet able to muster the strength to speak so bluntly.

Dark, and grim, but laced with threads of hope in places you’d never think to look, it bleeds vulnerability.

In a few months I might read it again.

And maybe then, with my new set of tools and perspective, I’ll be able to cry about it.

Pulled from my Goodreads Profile.

Emotional Labor - Ink & Stardust

We don’t often give a lot of credit to emotional labor. We sort of shrug it off as this thing that’s really nothing because we don’t have a tangible result from it.

It’s not.

I have to remind myself of that often.

Reason being is I probably do a lot more emotional labor than the average person per day, and it’s an exhausting process, but because I’m without a resulting product, I feel guilty. I feel like I still should be able to write, I should be able to film, I should still have energy to create and clean, and do everything else.

But you don’t.

And I hate that. Because that overly critical voice we all have in our heads makes us feel guilty for actually taking care of ourselves. For actually taking a moment to stop and smell the roses.

It’s a little silly, really. We urge the people we love to take care of themselves, but when it comes to our own personal care… we hold ourselves to this strange impossible standard.

I am, in general, sort of the party cleric in my group of friends. I don’t dislike this. I actually really love being someone people feel safe to speak to. But being that shoulder to lean on… that does take emotional energy.

We live in an extremely volatile time, especially if you’re in the US. So much is in a constant threat from both legislation and the random violence that plagues this country. Our friends, our health, our family, our lives… That takes energy. Fighting with staunch supporters of hateful legislation? Energy.

If you’re fighting for a better world, even if it’s just by talking to and educating the people around you.

So much energy.

Working with or living with toxic people. Energy.

All of it.

No wonder I’m so tired all the time lately…

Two weeks ago, I lost a friend. I hadn’t remotely healed from the two who’d we lost barely over a month prior. I’ve spent intervals fighting with folks about why LGBT rights matter, why they’re being threatened. I’ve fought with people about gun control, transphobia, health, reproductive rights.

I’ve had passing but still taxing disagreements or fights with people I care about.

I work next to a very toxic human at my day job.

It’s exhausting. And yet, I find myself feeling guilty. And I mentally shame myself for not being able to do it. Which just perpetuates this low energy spiral.

And the reason I’m telling you this, is that I hope, you possibly see your own patterns in my behavior. And you take a moment to stop and think, “Man… we gotta stop doing this.”

Because man… we gotta stop doing this.

I’m behind on my writing. I haven’t had energy for it much. This weekend, I fully intend on taking a long walk and being a bit off the grid. Do a little world hopping maybe. If I get some writing done, fantastic. If not? FANTASTIC.

Just because people can’t see that you’ve done something, doesn’t mean you haven’t. Emotional labor is a lot of work. And it’s valid. And you do not have to have a physical tangible product at the end of the day to validate that it was worth your while.

You still deserve that time to refresh… whatever that means to you.

And I say this… because gods know I’m still learning.

I’ll always still be learning.

Flying Too High – Murder Medics & Maid-hem - Ink & Stardust

Mana Management - Ink & Stardust

Image by WTB Potions

It has come to my attention that I do a lot on an average week. I usually have a lot of things going on at once, many projects in the air, and have been asked a few times how I manage to do it all. I’ve jokingly responded “By systematically sacrificing my social life”, and while that’s true, it’s not entirely the whole story. So I’m going to attempt to talk about that and hope what I’ve learned may be of some use to you.

First, it’s important to realize I don’t get done everything I want to. I’m still learning. For instance, this week my Wordy Wednesday will be late. My Curiosity Cabinet was unable to go up on Sunday like I planned due to a tragedy that struck last week when many of us in the Geek community lost a dear friend unexpectedly. But this happens. Because there are many things we can’t control. And one of those things is time.

Something that has always frustrated me is the finite hours within a day. Equally lamented, is that despite the hours my brain feels are being wasted during the process, I also require rest as my energy is also regrettably finite.

These irritating truths are unfortunately self-evident, so I won’t attempt to argue them. I mean, I have. In the past, and I don’t recommend it because it’s an argument we’re all going to lose. Sometimes in more ways than one.

I work a full time job, I commute, I’m trying to finish my second novel, I have a book club podcast once a month, I attend a tabletop RPG every other Saturday, I have a weekly etymology video and I’m trying to do more music as well. Even looking at this, I’m a bit intimidated.

Which is why accepting that there are inarguable truths about my time and energy that I must concede to. First, for my sanity, but second so I can get things done.

I’m a total nut for a good fantasy video game, so I find looking at it like this helps:

Let’s say your energy is your mana pool, and the things you have to/want to do are all spells. They each have a cast time, and they all have rules, and they all cost a certain amount of mana, regardless how negligible it may seem at first. Some spells can be activated and will go live later, other spells require your total focus, etc.

I have 24hrs in a day, 168 in a full week. 7 of those daily hours are forfeit because of my required rest time in order to restore my mana pool. This number will vary per person, but 6-7 seems to be pretty consistently when my body goes, “okay, we’re ready!”

So we’re looking at approximately 119 Castable Hours.

On an average week, I’m at the office at least 40 hours. It’s probably closer to 44-45, but for simplicity sake, we’ll keep it at an even 40. At the office, for the most part, I’m casting a spell that requires my total attention, for multiple reasons, and cannot multi-cast so to speak.

79 Castable Hours.

I also drive about an hour to and from work, usually a bit more if I encounter bad rush hour. Now, under normal circumstances, this is also something I can’t multi-cast during. However, remember that I mentioned that whole book club thing? Audible has made it possible for me to take care of the ‘reading’ portion during my long commute, and it takes only a few mana points. But it DOES take some. Sometimes I don’t have the mana to listen. Sometimes I need silence. Sometimes I need to sing my heart out. But regardless, that’s 10 hours a week where I can find the casting time to either listen to a book, catch up on a podcast, or de-stress by just singing.

69 Castable Hours. Calculating on top of that things like showering/getting ready for the day, meal prep and eating, basic chores (laundry, dishes etc) … Let’s say I have on a normal week I have 38 Castable hours for creativity, socializing, or anything that doesn’t fall into a typical day-to-day activity. This is probably being generous but I’m trying to make a point without boring you with how nitty gritty I can be when it comes to this.

38. Hours. Out of the 119 I spend awake, I have only 38 to focus on what I want to do vs what I have to do.

Let that sink in a moment. It’s not a lot. Especially, when you consider that the majority of that is Sat/Sun. Which means I have only about 2.5 hours a week night to focus on what I want to do before I start cutting into essentials like sleep. And for me, it usually is sleep that suffers first. That or meal prep and I end up getting take out. This isn’t a good practice, it’s not healthy and I’m trying my best to break that bad habit. And that’s a normal week.

Throw in something like the death of a friend, health complications, work stress etc, you name it and you’ll find those castable hours go down even further. Because when you’re dealing with stress or depression, even though you might have the time, suddenly those things take so much more energy, and you might find you’re out of mana, despite that you have the hours in the day to cast. So really take a hard and honest look at your mana and spell slots. They don’t always match up.

The reason I want you to sit down and really quantify your free time into something tangible, is because the biggest part of managing your energy/time and mana, is being able to put in perspective how valuable it is. I have only an 2.5 hours of creativity/free time a day during the work week. Which means I’m very deliberate in how I spend it.

I’m trying to finish the second installment of The Terra Mirum Chronicles. This is, as you might imagine, a rather large undertaking. It’s time consuming. And it’s not something I can do while doing many other things. It takes up my major and minor actions. I have occasionally been able to go for a walk between chapters to clear my head and taken notes/dictated on my phone, but never actually written while walking. The day I manage to genuinely exercise while writing is the day I achieve some sort of life dream.

Because of this, a lot of things have to take a lower priority. The first thing for me is usually socializing. It’s a sad truth but writing is a solitary practice. Sometimes it’s nice to sit in a coffee shop and be around people but you aren’t socializing. To be honest having to stop and start with any sort of conversation while I’m trying to concentrate is a strangely quick way to completely burn what is normally an extraordinarily long fuse of patience.

This means being able to tell people ‘no’, which is a skill in itself. Bear in mind, being able to tell people ‘no’ and people being able to not take ‘no’ personally are two separate things. Only one, you are responsible for. I feel artists in particular, perhaps because empathy is such a large part of our creation process, often take that on themselves. We blame ourselves and end up using mana we don’t have to spare feeling guilty because we simply declined a social invitation.

Again, this is why quantifying your mana/casting time (energy/free time) is so important. If you can really internalize the value of your time (because even if your day is rather free, remember even our time on this plane of existence is finite) is valuable.

If you truly do not want to do something, or if you simply need to prioritize a creative endeavor more, be open and honest about it. For the most part, people will understand.

This is one of the many reasons I love National Novel Writing Month. It requires far less explanation to friends why I might not be able to make it to something. I also have nerdy friends who are usually also participating.

“I’m sorry, I’d love to stay longer, but I’ve got to go home and write, I’m behind schedule.” / “I’d love to go, but I just don’t have enough mana tonight.”

Communicating your energy and capability is key, as is being honest with yourself about what you can manage. I’ve also noticed that when you do go to a social event or make plans, you’re far more deliberate with what you want to do. There’s less, “eh, I don’t know, what do you want to do?”. You’re actively engaged in conversation, you cherish your time together.

We don’t get mana potions in real life, so good management is all about being able to honestly look at the numbers and schedule accordingly. And also being prepared to accept that something may throw that schedule completely off. And that’s okay! You’ll get back on track when you can. Healing/getting better/resting/whatever TLC means to you is necessary and worth the investment. And when you’re ready to get back to business? Calculate your mana and casting time.

Track it, plan it, find out what works best for you. For me? I’ve started fiddling around with the concept of bullet journals because I can’t keep it all in my head without forgetting something. It helps remind me that I don’t have all the time in the world. My time has value. My time is rare. My time is not owed to anyone, and I’m allowed to spend what little of it I have how I chose to and with whom.

And on the first day of NaNoWriMo, that seems like an extremely important thing to keep in mind. If you’ve never finished a story, or find yourself starting artistic endeavors but rarely completing them, or even if you want to spend more time with your friends/family but can’t seem to find the time, remember that. Your. Time. Has. Extreme. Value.

How do you really want to spend it?

Very Good Advice - Ink & Stardust

First of all, have I told you how much I appreciate you? I really do. I honestly can’t imagine how bleak my day would be without you in it. Thank you for being you. Always. Of all the worlds I’ve visited through the centuries, I’m very certain this one is my favorite.

Because of you.

And tea. Tea is quite glorious too.

But mostly you.

Announcement: This Halloween, Alys will have been with the wonderful folks at Doce Blant for a full year! What shall we do to celebrate?

This week I got to hear such wonderful things from the Curiosity Community, and I enjoyed it so much, I wanted to capture some of my favorite moments and share them with you.

Here’s what you might have missed this week:

#Curios

Doctors vs. Nazis

Roald Dahl, Storyteller, Screenwriter, Spy

What Started the tension between Spain and Catalonia?

The Art of Being Yourself

 

 

6/7 B&w #nocontext

A post shared by Kiri Callaghan (@kiricallaghan) on Oct 22, 2017 at 1:45pm PDT

 

I threw out a lot of questions this week, but this one had some of my favorite answers. There were so many, it was hard to choose!

What’s The Best Advice You’ve Ever Taken?

“Jiggle the handle” – @Lawjick

“When confused, draw a diagram. If still confused, draw a BIGGER diagram. Repeat if necessary.” – @Compel_Bast

“As long as you’re not hurting anyone then love who/what you love and never be afraid to find your own happiness.” – @rickys_a_geek

“Be your own hero.” – @sa_roux

“Embrace change.” – @TheJamesBJones

“Be ready to give up everything you have to become who you are.” – @_ZenGirl_

“Don’t play games (in affairs of the heart) no matter how harmless it seems.” – @blairbeveridge

“One Day at a Time” – @jubacca51

“Don’t just tell people about it. Do it.” – @SizzlerKistler

“Rewrite the book from scratch.” – @BrianaScribbles

Never regret any decision made with all the info you had available to you at the time. Results may not be expected, but can never be regrets as long as you had all the info. – @JonnyNero

Forgive the language, but everyday you take a shit is a good day. – @WesMan83

“Confidence is quiet, insecurity is loud. Let’s your actions be your proof, not your words.”  –@ItsPixelbitch

“Blood may be thicker than water but even family only get so many chances!” – @FightFan8

Go and talk to a therapist – @Jackery21

“Only work with people that are excited to work with you.” – @ImAaronJ

“Fail. Fail again. Fail in flames. Fail better.” –@rhinosaur

“Be intentional” – Liam Conway

“You’re depressed, get help.” – Darren Vallance

“Embrace who you are.” – Dominic Grancitelli

“It’s okay to not be okay.” – Aaron Burke

“You must unlearn all that which you have learned.” – Ren Cummins

 

 

A post shared by Kiri Callaghan (@kiricallaghan) on Oct 19, 2017 at 8:58am PDT

 

Things that were done:

Participating in Realm FM on Hoopod!

 

Wordy Wednesday

The Writing Habit - Ink & Stardust

A dear friend recently reached out to me for advice that I’m not entirely sure I’m qualified to give. They were feeling overwhelmed with the world, distraught, and finding it difficult to focus on art through their medical struggles and wanted some wisdom on how to push through it.

Every response I can think of honestly feels rather trite.

But perhaps that’s okay. Perhaps things are overused for a reason, but we overlook them because it seems so commonplace and useless. We’re all familiar with “tried and true” but perhaps there is value in the idea of “trite, but true.”

And that’s all I can really offer you during these times of artistic constipation. A small piece of trite but true advice.

Sit down and just do it. Just vomit it out, as if it were no different than doing a dish or tying your shoe. It doesn’t have to be clever or pretty, it doesn’t have to be anything worth anything–you just need to do it. Just put your fingers to the keys or pen to paper and write. It doesn’t have to be relevant, it can literally be just a string of words that aren’t even relevant to your current project–or even ones that don’t make sense!

It’s a bit like jumpstarting a car. When you’ve left it alone for a while, sometimes you need to give it a jolt simply to get it back on track.

And sometimes the best way to do this, I’ve found, is to bleed everything into ink. I had a bad day? I write about it. I have a moment of elation? I jot it down. Sometimes they’re useless little notes in my phone, recently I’ve taken to carrying around a Field Notes journal because it’s small and fits even in my useless girl pockets (truly, why is it the pockets in pants made for women can’t seem to hold anything? What is the point of a purely aesthetic pocket? Yes, the detailing helps keep the garment from looking too plain, but one does want for some utilitarian purpose.)

The point is, if you want to push past the fog, I’ve found the best way is to literally write about everything. The mundane things, the excruciating things, the “wow no one will ever believe me this happened” things, and once you’ve gotten back in that habit–and it is, I’m afraid, a habit–the rest will be much easier. Not easy, mind you, I’m fairly certain anyone who says writing is ‘easy’ is an absolute liar but… easier.

Because you’re training your brain. You’re starting an almost Pavlovian experiment. You have a thought, your impulse is to write it down. You hear a joke? You write it down, without thinking. You are struck with a heart-wrenching, absolute soul hollowing feeling?

You. Write. It. Down.

It may feel crass at first, you’re likely not going to feel very good at any of it, that’s for certain for quite some time. Hell, at this point I’ve been writing for years, have put up a live performance of my work, published works through self-determination and traditional press…

And I’m still not sure if I’m very good at it.

But it’s become a habit I can’t break. It’s become a compulsion that I feel uncomfortable if I don’t follow through with it.

Perhaps that’s all a bit trite and cliche. But it just so happens that I know it to be true.