Kiri Callaghan's Blog, page 10

Returning to Stardust

Today I felt myself again. Today I wandered through unfamiliar streets with no real purpose or direction. Today I held my head up and smiled at strangers.

Today I noticed the little things. An unexplained purple-paint hand print on an otherwise bare concrete wall, the way my shoes sounded a little bit like horse hooves when I click them on the pavement just right, and that particular smell of fresh cut wood and burning metal indicative of construction sites.

Today I didn’t feel drained or scared. Today I felt curious and hopeful.

Today I felt like stardust.

I talk a lot about mental health. Depression is something that has plagued people I love for as long as I can remember. My father, my sister, and my brother, who we lost to suicide in 2013. It has been a hard and painful road, watching them struggle with their own versions of a unrelenting disease. On some level, I was grateful for this intimate insight, because it meant I would be a strong ally to my friends who dealt with similar struggles.

What I did not expect is that understanding and experience could be used against me.

There is a fine line between aiding and enabling. And it’s never easy to see when you’ve crossed it. Usually when you do realize, you find yourself miles away from it.

A few days ago I realized I had spent nearly two years nurturing an unhealthy relationship because I was still trying to save my brother. There were so many red flags. At more than one point this person had threatened me with self-harm, and I had ignored it. There was a continued pattern of disrespect, and I ignored it. I had become a financial and emotional crutch with no effort to ever relieve me of this burden, even after over a year. I ignored this.

And my reasoning behind this was maybe, just maybe, if I tried hard enough, if I sacrificed just a little bit more of myself… I could save someone. I could save someone where I had failed to save my brother, and at the time it didn’t matter if that meant killing myself in the process.

The mental health we don’t often talk about is you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, and if you try, it will destroy you piece by piece. Because that person wants to control you. Because that person has been controlling you.

So I finally left. It hurt, and my mind screamed against me that I was cruel and making a mistake. I felt guilty for days. I felt like I had gone back on everything I’d promised in being an ally for mental health.

My friends were kind and supportive. They let me talk and talked me through what happened. I admitted to things I’d been too ashamed to talk about in regards to this toxic relationship. And then I no longer felt guilty, I felt incredibly foolish.

Then a dear friend offered to take me with her to Chicago on a work trip. And I spent time alone, and in doing so, I found someone I hadn’t seen in a very long time.

Me.

Today, I truly let go.

Today, I forgave myself for loving me.

“Baking Olympics” Comic & Drawing Prompt# 3

If you follow my Instagram, you’ll see that I have decided to take on a weekly drawing challenge inspired by a book that was given to me filled with drawing prompts. This week’s drawing prompt was “Baking Olympics” and the following Lutalica Comic is the second in that series of 642.

Note: Lutalica is a word taken from John Koenig’s Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. While “lutalica” is also a Croatian word for “wanderer”, Koenig’s dictionary really resonated with me, “The Part of Your Identity That Doesn’t Fit Into Categories”.

So thus this comic series was named, and I had a new favorite word.

 

ALSO Check out JP’s version of this drawing prompt, because it’s hilarious.

Have you done your own version of this drawing prompt? Leave a link in the comments!

Want to join in on our drawing prompts? Tomorrow starts a new week. Week #3’s prompt: Snow Golem.

 

 

“A Magical Golden Bag” Comic & Drawing Prompt #2

So if you follow my Instagram, you’ll see that I have decided to take on a weekly drawing challenge inspired by a book that was given to me filled with drawing prompts. The first drawing prompt was “A Magical Golden Bag” and the following comic (series name TBD) is the first in that series of 642 (meep!).

Care to join me? Link your own below! Mind you, you don’t HAVE to do a comic like me, I just prefer that to just drawing something on its own.

Next week’s writing prompt (starting Saturday) will be “Baking Olympics”.

Also be sure to watch my latest “Miss You, Talk Soon“, featuring Sydney Blake and her amazing song “Supernova”!

“Relationship Issues”

If Dragon Age has taught me anything, it’s a dangerous business dating a mage. Just ask my male Warden, Warrior Hawke and Dalish Inquisitor….

Alys – Question 8

Curious about a character? Check out here for a list of questions!

8) What do they look for in a platonic or romantic partner?

Everyone handles trauma differently, but I think there is a sort of caution in the way most abuse survivors approach companionship. Alys is suspicious by nurture, not nature. New people in the house meant a new danger. She bought locks for her door, she learned how to hide and not draw attention to herself. It’s the life of a cornered animal, waiting for the next predator to strike. So when looking for a companion of any sort, she waits for them to show their vulnerability first. Charlie had similar scars. Oswin showed her the watch.

Alys is first and foremost independent both out of necessity and because it simply makes things easier. She picks her friends carefully and once she does, she holds on for dear life. While she is protective of those she loves, she’s drawn to equally independent spirits, where she won’t feel mired down, but also can keep up with her ambition to escape the present.

Obviously there is a difference in who Alys is before she enters Terra Mirum and after she leaves it for the first time. She’s a bit more willing to leave her baggage behind and not let it rule her. That’s part of her whole talk with Charlie.

I’m getting muddled in this explanation, I’m sure, but for Alys, this is a particularly complicated conversation.

Alys saved Terra Mirum. She faced her greatest nightmares. By Changeling (Book 2) she has rebuilt a life for herself. She’s not just independent, she’s driven and determined, and marked for ingenuity. These qualities are paramount in a partner she chooses to spend the majority of her time with. Her partner must be able to exist without her, and rather has chosen to exist beside her. There is no room for co-dependence. Humor, obviously, or they’d be fighting constantly, and in a somewhat ironic sense, someone willing to fight with her. Alys knows she’s become a steamroller over the years, and you need someone who will stand up for themselves if you’re a steamroller. Otherwise they get flattened. If someone is too polite to say they’re not okay with something, it’s never going to work. They’ll never be able to make any decisions together.

Character questions

I found this on Tumblr about DnD characters. Instead I’m posing this to you. You can have any number of questions answered about ANY character I have written.

nomercypercy:

1) What is their full name, and does it have any special relevance? Alternatively, what nicknames do they have?

2) What hobby would they like to be good at?

3) If they played dnd what race and class would they pick?

4) If they could go back in time and change one thing, what would they change?

5) What is their favourite weapon to wield?

6) If you could behove them one magical item, what would you give them?

7) If they didn’t have to adventure, would they stop?

8) What do they look for in a platonic or romantic partner?

9) Do they trust easily?

10) What is their favourite colour?

11) Diplomatic or aggressive?

12) They get arrested, and thrown in jail, how do they escape?

13) Would they leave their party for any reason?

14) If they could own any creature as a pet, what would they have?

15) How have you influenced your characters personality?

16) Do they have any tattoos? If so what? If not, do you think they would get one in the future?

17) Where would they like to be in ten years time?

18) What do they look like? Either description or picture.

19) What genre of music would they be into?

20) What would be the worst thing someone could say to them?

Alys Alert!

The second-edition printing of Alys, to be published through Doce Blant, is set to release in August. The poor editors are backed up so things are bit more delayed than planned. I’ll be posting more info as it comes here and to my Patreon as we get closer to go-time.

Upcoming Music Requests

Hello my loves,

As you know we’re going to be doing a live stream this weekend, and one of the donation tiers is a song request that will be recorded and put on my YouTube.

I figured there should probably be a place where I list that so people don’t request the same song.

So here is the list so far:

A Thousand Years – Christina Perri Cover

Try – P!nk Cover

The Doctor’s Lament – Rerecording of previous song

The Steward of Gondor – Rerecording of previous song

I Dreamed a Dream (of Firefly) – Rerecording of previous song

My Immortal – Evanescence Cover

Hate Is Not Welcome In My Home

It’s been an interesting past few days on social media since the Orlando shooting. I’ve seen people defending the civilian right to semi-automatic weapons over the safety of human lives, and I’ve seen the identities of bigots protected and blurred as news articles report on people applauding the shooter for his chosen targets.


Thankfully, I have also seen great love. People holding vigils, banding together, donating blood. And it light of both this dichotomy, I felt I need to make something very clear about who I am and the community I am fostering as an artist.


For the past few years I’ve been in a monogamous loving relationship with a cis-het man. Because of this, I’m often mistaken for being straight/heterosexual.


 


I’m not. I’m pan. What this means is my romantic attraction to a partner is not gender related or specific. My partners have identified as male, female, queer and trans.


 


I call The Doctor my “partner” or my “companion” rather than “my boyfriend” for multiple reasons, but this is one of them. It helps me feel that even though on the outside I appear heteronormative, I retain my actual identity.


 


If I was straight, my community would still be a safe space for my LGBTQA family, and homophobia or transphobia of any kind would not be tolerated.


But I feel it’s important to let you know this is my tribe. My family. And the vitriol you spew at them is aimed at me as well. This will probably make me enemies rather than change someone’s mind, but it needed to be said. We’re building a safe community, a community founded on open minds and curiosity. This community is my home, and hate of any kind is not welcome here.

Live Stream, Q&A, Music, Raffle & More!

Hello you beautiful Curiosities, we’ve got some crazy live content coming your way! Why? Well one, because I haven’t been able to do much livestreaming lately. And two, we’re still trying to negotiate with the mortgage company to bring down our monthly payment (the monthly escrow is so unreasonably high so we’re still looking at a nearly $3k payment) and, we had a renter who would have been taking two of the rooms (thus giving us no worries about July’s payment) back out at the last minute.

So more or less, I’m a little worried because things aren’t going quite so smoothly as we’d hoped and prayed. Trying to keep my chin up though because we have NOT come this far to fall now.

So I’m going to be doing some videos and livestreams to help raise a little extra to help us get through July, and I have some donation tiers that I hope you’ll find interesting. If you can help, awesome, if you can’t, I hope you enjoy the show anyway. =)

Livestream Dates:

Friday June 24th, 7pm – 3am PST

Saturday June 25th TBD (May include Harry Potter Night Live Footage)

Sunday June 26th, 10am – 10pm PST

Where will the Livestreams be?

On my Twitch channel.

What will the Livestreams include?

Q&As, Gaming, Raffles and music!

What’s up for raffle?

A variety of donated prizes that we’ll be raffling off individually!

PayDay2 (with all DLC) on Steam

1 ECCC Exclusive Funko Pop Snoopy

1 special raffle Big Ticket Item (TBA after E3)

(This list is still incomplete, so please continue to check back)

The Raffle, How To Enter:

1 Raffle Entry: (Free) Simply post one question you’d like me to answer on livestream in the comments below.

Additional Entries by Donation:

$5 – 1 additional general raffle entry and question.

$15 – 1 hour of gameplay of the game of your choice (Listed below), + 3 additional questions & general raffle entries

$25 – 1 karaoke song* of your choice (We’ll work together to find one in range), + 5 additional questions & general raffle entries, and an mp3 of all my current songs (including Saving April songs).

$100 – 1 hour 1 on 1. Need a voice lesson or just sing karaoke together? Want to talk writing or need some advice? Maybe you just wanna play a game together on a livestream. +20 additional questions & general raffle entries, and an mp3 of all my current songs (including Saving April songs AND other requested karaoke songs)

$200 – 1 video** (Kiriosity, Nailed It, Tutorial, Let’s Play, Review etc) on the subject of your choice (nothing explicit) + special raffle entry for a big ticket item (TBA after E3) and an mp3 of all my current songs (including Saving April songs AND other requested karaoke songs)

In regards to tiers, we’re going to stick to Kickstarter rules, so if you donated $25, but want to pick a tier below it instead, just indicate it in the paypal comments. (Ex. I’d like this to go towards 1.75 hours of Dragon Age: Inquisition gameplay instead of picking a song.)

Additionally, if you have a suggested tier, let me know!

Click Here To Make a Donation!

Note: Please remember to fill in what you’d like in the comments, along with the best email to contact you. 

*Songs will be delivered as received and as we decide on what to sing. This will be also dependent on They will be uploaded to YouTube prior to the live stream (time permitting) and I’ll send you a copy of the MP3. Obviously anything requested DURING the livstream will be uploaded afterwards.

**Videos, due to their time consuming nature of research, scripting and filming (especially in regards to Kiriosities) will be uploaded as I finish them after the livestream.

Livestream will also include a donation counter that I will update as we go so we can track our progress!

Available Games For Livestream:

The 7th Guest

Alice: Madness Returns

Baulder’s Gate: Enhanced Edition

Baulder’s Gate II: Enhanced Edition

Breath of Death VII

Broken Age

Child of Light

Costume Quest 2

CSI: Hard Evidence

Cthulhu Saves The World

Dishonored

Dragon Age: Origins

Dragon Age: Awakenings

Dragon Age 2

Dragon Age: Inquisition

Drawn: Dark Flight

Dreamfall Chapters

Dreamfall: The Longest Journey

DuckTales Remastered

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition

Fallout: New Vegas

Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn

Foul Play

Game of Thrones – A Telltale Game Series

Guns of Icarus Online

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

King’s Quest Collection

Life is Strange

Little Big Planet 3 (PS4)

Mass Effect

Mass Effect 2

Murdered: Soul Suspect

Never Alone

Nidhogg

Ori and the Blind Forest

Overwatch (Ps4)

Oxenfree

Papers, Please

Payday 2 (1 Hour)

Portal

Portal 2

Post Mortem

Sherlock Holmes: Crimes and Punishments

Starbound

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

The Secret World

Still Life

Still Life 2

Table Top Simulator (Cards, checkers, etc) – Not great for streaming

Tales from the Borderlands

Terraria

Until Dawn (PS4)

Violett: Remastered Edition

The Witcher: Enhanced Edition

The Witcher 2: Assassin’s of Kings Enhanced Edition

The Wolf Among Us