B.A. Tortuga's Blog, page 40
May 1, 2015
Housekeeping and Renovation
So, I think anyone who knows me would say that I am a good housekeeper.
A place for everything, everything in its place. I hate the sight of dirty dishes in the sink, I do laundry every day. It’s a thing.
Monday they’re going to start remodeling our master bath. The current bath is beautiful, honestly. There’s this amazing raised garden tub with tile, a lovely arched ceiling. It’s gorgeous.
Gorgeous and useless.
The tub has a huge step up, so J won’t get it. It’s so deep that I can’t get out. It takes 55 gallons of water (we live in the desert). The whole cleaning the jets thing is an utter nightmare.
We’ve been here seven months and we’ve never used it.
Not once.
So, we’re having a walk in shower installed. It’s going to have a built in seat, a safety bar, and a pull down shower head. It won’t be as pretty or as fancy, but it’ll be functional, so yay.
The problem is my house is going to be in disarray starting on Monday.
I hate that.
Hate it.
I hate the idea of the noise, the mess, the chaos, the whole concept of demolition makes me sick to my stomach.
I hope it only takes the 3 days that they promised. By Thursday I’m going to be a wreck.
Much love, y’all.
BA
April 28, 2015
A Daddy story for his birthday
Man, it was tough to come up with a daddy story, because there are so many.
I think today I’ll talk about my daddy’s voice, though, because it’s… immense. Deep and growly and loud. I don’t think Daddy’s ever said a single thing in a whisper, not ever. Daddy lives his life in a shout, right out loud. I’ve heard it in sorrow, in fury, in laughter. I have heard it raised in anger in an argument, I’ve heard him gentle horses, make babies laugh.
One very special day, the day after my stepmom died, I sat in a truck and we sang “If We Can Make It Through December” together and we cried.
You haven’t lived until you’ve heard my daddy sing, “GOOD MORNING TO YOU! GOOD MORNING, I LOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU! GOOD MORNING TO YOU!” at the top of his lungs at dawn when he’s decided you’ve slept enough, thank you very much.
He answers the phone with “Squires”, and I always know if calls someone else baby on the phone he’s either taking to my sister Tiffy or my Aunt D.
We almost lost his voice in March. It’s different now — deeper, huskier, not quite the daddy-sound that I grew up with, but it’s still him, it’s my daddy, just altered the barest bit. Getting old sucks, but it’s better than the alternative.
My daddy told me once that his dad, my grampy, never said “I love you” out loud. Daddy knew Grampy loved him, but I can say that I have never spoken to my daddy once that he hasn’t told me, “I love you” when we parted — in person, on the computer, on the phone. I’ve never doubted, but he wants to make sure I hear it, that’s it’s always the last thing he’s said to me, just in case.
Happy birthday, Daddy.
I love you.
BA
April 26, 2015
One Hell of a Spring
So, it’s been one hell of a spring. Between my daddy having a stroke, traveling to Florida and then to see him, and less than a month later finding out that I had a major blood clot in my left leg which blocked the blood flow to my toes, type I diabetes, and a blocked carotid, things in my life have changed drastically. The man my heart said was invincible proved not to be and my stupid body… Argh!
Daddy’s in rehab. He doesn’t sound like him anymore. I worry about him, every day.
Mornings used to be 4-6 cups of coffee and eggs and bacon. Now mornings are 10 pills, an injection, oatmeal and one cup of java.
I have two toes that may or may not have to be amputated. The big toe looks… less scary than the baby toe.
Then there’s 4 pills for lunch, 4 pills for supper, 2 at bedtime and another 4 injections and 3 blood sugar monitor pokes.
The diet has changed. The rules have changed. Everything has changed and I feel a little like I’m just struggling to catch up. My carotid is 70% blocked (interestingly on the same side and weird placement as Daddy’s and the doctors wouldn’t have known to look if he hadn’t had his stroke) and the doctor is going to wait for me to have a little stroke before doing the surgery. I had to get a medic alert bracelet that said stroke risk.
Every time I go into the cardiac care unit they say, “But you’re so young.” Then they look worried.
I’m worried.
Shit, I’m not worried, I’m scared. We’re self-employed, we write for a living. We write happy endings and I’m trying to work around all the emotions swirling around my brain (and a lot of the possible endings aren’t happy).
I keep telling myself I have a wife and family that loves me, good doctors, a job that I love. I have been reliably informed that I am the most stubborn human being alive, so if I say I’m going to follow what we call the “don’t have a stroke” diet, I will.
I believe in happy endings.
I believe I can do this.
Even if I still want more than one cup of coffee a day.
;-)
Much love, y’all.
BA
March 27, 2015
What I'm Reading
Currently reading Spirit Rider by Cotton Smith. Old West, I’m loving it.
***
1. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett — so far, loving it. So damn funny.
2. The Best Horror of the Year Volume Six, edited by Ellen Datlow — there wasn’t a single story where anything happened. So frustrating.
3. Indian Cooking Unfolded by Raghavan Iyer — great narrative, interesting recipes, but not for a foodie, for someone who wants the very basics.
4. A Morbid Taste for Bones by Ellis Peters — lovely little mystery
5. A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg — absolutely charming and made me cry
6. Joyland, a Hard Case Crime by Stephen King. Loved it.
7. Shadow Man by Cody Macfayden — I have to admit by the end I was furious and screaming. This could have been exceptional. It was not.
8. The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis — nothing I didn’t know, but I needed the reminder.
9. Writing the Cozy Mystery by Nancy Cohen — very interesting. This one’s a keeper.
10. Writing Mystery and Crime by Marg McAllister — for a beginning writer more than an experienced one, I think.
11. The Year of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg — beautifully written, a lovely, warm read that’s like a hug. Gave me a lot to talk about with J.
12. Fermented Vegetables by Kirsten Shockey — cookbook, not the best read, but decent recipes
13. Borderline by TA Chase — loved it. Think the wife will love it, too.
14. In Cuba I Was a German Shepherd by Ana Menendez — a fabulous collection of short stories set in Cuba.
15. Poe by J. Lincoln Fenn — clever as hell, not scary, but viciously clever.
16. The Magpie Lord by KJ Charles — quite adored this one. Clever and utterly charming.
17. Wolf’s Desire by Ambrielle Kirk — Uh. Not my thing. At all. Whoa.
18. Controlling Parker by Sean Michael — KINKY
19. Dark Carnival: An Anthology of Horror, Edited by Jolene Haley, Kristen Jett and Jessi Shakarian — nothing happened. Ever.
20. Blue Collar by Sean Michael — adorable, sexy and sweet
21. Guarding January by Sean Michael — I love the depth of characters in this one
March 18, 2015
March 16, 2015
What I'm Working On This Week
What I'm Working On
Hey, y’all. My daddy had a stroke and I’ve been out of pocket. I’m getting back in the saddle, though. I promise.
Writing:
Tipping the Barrel -- f/f YA novel — Cried a lot.
Musician. Bodyguard. Werewolves.
Wedding Vase — m/m contemporary. These boys are breaking my heart.
In edits/rewrites:
Ace/Kitty in rewrites.
Coke/Dillon in rewrites.
At beta:
nothing
At proofing:
nothing
Subbed:
Go Ask Alice to Hamony Ink
Articles of Release to Dreamspinner
Short story in for Mythologically Torqued.
Next week's plan?
Try not to panic
March 14, 2015
What I'm Reading
I’m about 3/4 through with Dark Carnival, which is a horror anthology (so far, nothing has happened in any story and the grammar is rough).
***
1. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett — so far, loving it. So damn funny.
2. The Best Horror of the Year Volume Six, edited by Ellen Datlow — there wasn’t a single story where anything happened. So frustrating.
3. Indian Cooking Unfolded by Raghavan Iyer — great narrative, interesting recipes, but not for a foodie, for someone who wants the very basics.
4. A Morbid Taste for Bones by Ellis Peters — lovely little mystery
5. A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg — absolutely charming and made me cry
6. Joyland, a Hard Case Crime by Stephen King. Loved it.
7. Shadow Man by Cody Macfayden — I have to admit by the end I was furious and screaming. This could have been exceptional. It was not.
8. The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis — nothing I didn’t know, but I needed the reminder.
9. Writing the Cozy Mystery by Nancy Cohen — very interesting. This one’s a keeper.
10. Writing Mystery and Crime by Marg McAllister — for a beginning writer more than an experienced one, I think.
11. The Year of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg — beautifully written, a lovely, warm read that’s like a hug. Gave me a lot to talk about with J.
12. Fermented Vegetables by Kirsten Shockey — cookbook, not the best read, but decent recipes
13. Borderline by TA Chase — loved it. Think the wife will love it, too.
14. In Cuba I Was a German Shepherd by Ana Menendez — a fabulous collection of short stories set in Cuba.
15. Poe by J. Lincoln Fenn — clever as hell, not scary, but viciously clever.
16. The Magpie Lord by KJ Charles — quite adored this one. Clever and utterly charming.
17. Wolf’s Desire by Ambrielle Kirk — Uh. Not my thing. At all. Whoa.
18. Controlling Parker by Sean Michael — KINKY
March 3, 2015
Guest Post from Michele Fogal!
Enter to WIN a free e-book of Michele's upcoming release! Thanks for having me BA Tortuga! What a pleasure to be here and I'm especially excited to connect with a fellow book lover AND music lover!
Each book in my West Coast Boys series, published by Dreamspinner Press, has its own Soundtrack, and Book 2, King of Rain is no exception.
King of Rain by michelefogal on Grooveshark
The stories are all Male/Male love stories, set in the diverse West Coast culture, against a backdrop of snowy mountains and temperate rain forests.
A consistent theme in the series is how we mix urban technology with wilderness access. Listening to music while running across a suspension bridge is just one example of how these elements can fuse into a new kind of wealth - personal empowerment. We forget how connecting with nature and connecting with art have so much in common, and technology can be the tool that brings things together.
Here's an excerpt scene with its accompanying song (although, hmmm, there is no bridge in this scene, but there are some iconic Vancouver-isms).
Story background: Jeremy has just been dumped by his boyfriend Skyler over the phone, or rather has just realized HOW over their relationship really is, and has decided to go running to escape his own reaction.
Enemies by Hannah Georgas on Grooveshark
Here's the link in case the player doesn't work for you -- http://grooveshark.com/s/Enemies/4PYnLW?src=5
***
I turned off Davie Street pretty quick, though, because it was crowded and ran downhill towards the beach through some low-rise apartment buildings, pushing my body and blanking my mind. The seawall wasn’t packed because it was February and drizzling, but there are always some people there. The seawall pathway has lines to keep the bikes and the runners in their own lanes, and tonight there were enough people to make the lines useful. I set off towards Stanley Park and ran with my tunes cranked and just tried to enjoy looking out over the ocean. The big freighters are always parked in English Bay, like toy battleships in the misty air, and the gut-deep sound of their foghorns stretching out two long notes did something to calm me.
The good thing about running is your mind gets freed up.
The bad thing about running is your mind gets freed up. And it did, of course. I thought about the night I’d first picked Skyler up at Celebrities, his innocent face wide open as he took in the oldest gay dance club in Vancouver.
“Enemies” by Hannah Georgas blasted into my earbuds talking about cuts too deep to mend and making enemies. Is that what me and Sky are now? I ran a little faster.
I thought about the way he’d learned to dance without holding back when we went out together, him with his cute fake ID. God, he was just a sweet kid, and I’d taken him. Yeah, he was in grade 12 and I was only four years older, but they were big years. I’d figured it all out—how to style my hair, how to dress, how to talk, how to smile, when to grind up against someone and turn them on. Had Skyler really had a choice in the face of my onslaught?
And I loved that, didn’t I? The power of knowing I could seduce and take what I wanted? Wasn’t that the best feeling?
I ran harder, wanting to sweat him out of my skin, wanting to stop picturing his smooth skin stretched out on my bed. I hadn’t cared about sharing him. Sure, I didn’t want him to play around without me, but why hadn’t I worried about losing him? Was it because I just assumed he was mine? Some couples played around because their love was so strong that nothing could shake it. That certainly wasn’t it for me. I think I just had this morbid fascination with finding out where his boundaries were. God, what if he’s with a guy we hooked up with! Wouldn’t that just serve me right?
***
You can also see the playlist here: http://michelefogal.com/soundtrack-king-rain/ King of Rain is coming out Mar 13, 2015 so check my website for more on other stops on my Blog Tour, Give-Aways, Excerpts and more.
Comment to Enter: Please comment if you'd like to enter into a draw for a free e-book!
I'd love to know which song you like best on the Soundtrack or what you think about overlapping story and music. I'm always on the look out for love songs, so let me know your favourites too!
Heart! Michele
February 16, 2015
Losing it All
So, I lost a hard drive last week. No big deal, I thought. I had backed up the night before. No worries.
None.
Except that the backup corrupted and I lost everything.
I mean everything. Every email from the last 15 years. Every WIP. Every photo. All the pictures of my wedding. All the files for all the books.
Everything’s gone.
When I figured it out I threw up. Then I cried a little. Then I started to breathe again.
In my family, we’ve lost a house to a fire, to a tornado. When I left an abusive relationship, I had twenty four hours to figure out what to leave and what to take.
Does it hurt?
God, yes.
But.
There’s a freedom in starting over again. What’s gone is gone and there’s no sense wishing for it. Moving on is one of my superpowers, which is damn handy, given I have to do it, every now and again.
Much love (and CHECK YOUR BACKUPS), y’all.
BA
February 15, 2015
What I'm Working On
Had a disastrous hard drive and back up failure last week. Still trying to figure out what I’m going to do.
Writing:
Tipping the Barrel -- f/f YA novel — Cried a lot.
Musician. Bodyguard. Werewolves.
Wedding Vase — m/m contemporary. These boys are breaking my heart.
In edits/rewrites:
Ace/Kitty in rewrites.
Coke/Dillon in rewrites.
At beta:
nothing
At proofing:
nothing
Subbed:
Go Ask Alice to Hamony Ink
Articles of Release to Dreamspinner
Short story in for Mythologically Torqued.
Next week's plan?
Try not to panic
