Tifphanie Tucker's Blog, page 4

Replacing Stress With Serenity

Are you constantly in a state of stress? Do the pressures of life seem to be getting to you? Everyone has to deal with concerns—both personal and professional—but if you are becoming consumed by yours, it is essential that you address the problem.

Often when people experience high stress levels, it is because they are fretting needlessly. To minimize the needless tensions in your life and consequently reduce your stress levels, try applying these five suggestions...
1. Leave the past in the past.

You may have regrets regarding your past, but nothing you can do can change it. The decisions already made cannot be erased, the words already said cannot be taken back, and the actions already taken cannot be revoked. You cannot change the past, no matter how much you wish you could or how stressed out you become about it.

You can, however, effect changes in the present. You can make new decisions that counteract poor decisions you previously made. You can attempt to make reparation for harmful words you have said. You can take action to atone for past misdeeds. Rather than allowing your regrets about the past bind you, do what you can to rectify your mistakes and accept what you cannot change.

2. Avoid worrying about an imaginary future.

Worrying about false realities paralyzes far too many people. In other words, they use their imaginations to create problems that do not really exist. By worrying about all the things that might possibly go wrong and becoming preoccupied with those worries, they effectively render themselves powerless.

At the same time, recognize the difference between worrying about the future and preparing for the future. It is certainly important to evaluate potential problems and take all reasonable precautions. When constructing a building in a region prone to earthquakes, for example, a contractor must take measures to ensure the building can withstand the shaking. Likewise, a person is wise to save and invest in order to maintain a satisfactory standard of living in the retirement years.

Prepare for your future, but do not become obsessed with worry about it. Instead, give your attention to actual concerns that you can address today. This is consistent with the advice of Jesus to let tomorrow worry about itself: "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6:34, KJV)

3. Recognize the things you cannot change.

There are things that are beyond your control. You may not like to hear it, but it's true. While a great many things in life depend on your decisions, words, and actions, there are many more that you can do absolutely nothing to affect. That being the case, why worry about those things? "Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?" (Matthew 6:27, KJV)

The Serenity Prayer expresses this thought well: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

4. Identify what really merits your concern.

Even when considering the things that you can control, very little warrants becoming stressed. Often, people worry about the smallest of details even when they are meaningless in the grand scope of things.

In other words, don't sweat the small stuff. Most things are simply not worth it. Blowing minor things out of proportion will present no solutions. Instead, it will cause your stress levels to skyrocket and may contribute toward a plethora of physical and mental health problems.

5. Lean into your faith.

A genuine faith in God enables you to let go of your worries and concerns, trusting that God is ultimately in control. "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7, KJV)

When your world seems to be in uproar, remember that He cares for you and can provide you with a firm foundation. As I point out in Women Under Construction, "even during the storms of life, The Master Architect can and will perfect His plans."

Yes, stress is a part of life. However, that does not mean you have to fall victim to exorbitant amounts of it. Instead, you can experience freedom from the constant barrage by eliminating needless stresses and trusting God with what remains.

Do You Feel Like Giving Up?

What do you do when you feel like giving up? Most people face that question at one time or another. Usually, it arises from fear, frustration, or failure. Perhaps what you have envisioned has not come to fruition, and you are not sure that it ever will.

The dilemma is that there are three answers to that question, each valid in its own way...
First of all, when you feel like giving up, you could do just that: give up. For instance, when you have a project at work that has become a money pit and you see no potential to turn it around, you may be wise to cut your losses and terminate the project. There is no shame in putting an end to something that has no prospect of becoming a success.


Jesus addressed this option in a construction analogy about building a tower. He suggested that if it does not appear that you will be able to complete the project, you would be better off never even starting. Therefore, an investment of forethought and preparation in the early stages is essential to your eventual success.

"For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish." (Luke 14:28-30, KJV)

Unfortunately, many people select this first option too quickly. For them, it is not so much an issue of not being able to pay the cost as it is not being willing to do so. There may be some truth to the axiom that "all good things come to an end," but there is no need for that "end" to come prematurely. In almost every situation, you have other options.

Your second choice is to keep pressing on. Sometimes, a little perseverance, persistence, and patience are required if you hope to experience success. Acquiring the necessary building permits, for example, can sometimes take a few extra phone calls. Weather conditions can delay progress, but eventually the weather will improve. In these cases, you simply need to continue pressing on toward your goal. In due course, you will experience a breakthrough.

Perseverance can enable you to overcome discouragement, inconvenience, and opposition. This is true in life; it is also true in terms of faith:

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14, KJV)

Third—and perhaps your best option the majority of the time—you can change your strategy. It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same things the same way and expecting different results. Achieving your desired results may mean doing different things and adjusting your tactics.

If you are attempting to fix a leaky faucet in your home but the problem only seems to be getting worse, it may be time to call in reinforcements. This is not quitting; it is choosing to address the problem a different way. If your marriage is failing, a professional counselor can help you discover new relational skills and techniques that restore your marriage to health. This is possible, assuming you exhibit the openness and willingness to change.

In chapter three of Women Under Construction, I describe how the work of a surveyor at a building site can provide calibration, define boundaries, identify problems, and suggest alternatives. This is the role Scripture can perform in your life. The Bible can enable you to calibrate your life according to God's Word, define the boundaries of His Will, identify problem areas (i.e. sin) in your life, and empower you to be changed by His Presence.

On occasion, giving up on a particular task can be a valid option, particularly when there is no hope of success. In most cases, however, especially in relationships, life, and faith, giving up is the worst option you could make. You would be wiser, happier, and more successful if you were to press on, making the necessary adjustments along the way.

Turn Your Vision Into Reality

What is holding you back from pursuing your dreams and seeing your vision become a reality? Is it fear? Is it the cost? Is it some inconvenience? What is preventing you from achieving everything God has in store for you?

Many people have grand ideas, but few actually come to fruition. More times than not, they lie dormant until they eventually begin to fade away. If you have a vision—whether for your business, your family, or your community—what is it going to take for it to actually take shape?

The answer can be found in a simple word: action. You can dream all you want, but until you take action, a dream is all it will ever be. Action is what transforms a dream from fantasy to fact. In Women Under Construction, I describe it this way:
"At some point, vision has to give way to hard work. Envisioning a clean house is one thing, dragging out the bucket and mop is the other side of the coin."

It starts with a vision, but that vision must inspire action. If it does not, you might find yourself looking back years from now with regret over missed opportunities and squandered potential.

"Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone." (James 2:17, KJV)

It is true of faith; it is also true of vision. You may believe in something and have a captivating vision of what could be, but until you act upon it, it makes no difference. The Taj Mahal, for example, was once just an abstract concept that only became a reality because Mughal emperor Shah Jahan commissioned it to be built.

What is required to turn your vision into reality? Beyond the gifts and abilities that you may have, you will need:

1. The courage to face the risks.

As all great innovators know, any action taken in pursuit of a dream requires some degree of risk. Otherwise, their innovations would have never gotten beyond the drafting table. Gutzon Borglum envisioned the faces of presidents carved into the rock of Mount Rushmore, but it took the courageous efforts of Borglum and his team to scale the mountain and sculpt the faces out of the granite. Every great vision is accompanied by risk.

2. The commitment to follow it through.

Far too often, people set out in pursuit of their vision but give up when the going gets tough. Understand from the outset that you will face opposition, you will have disappointments, and you will pay a cost. If you are not willing to pursue your vision in spite of these obstacles, you would be better off not even trying.

"For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?" (Luke 14:28, KJV)

3. The readiness to share a compelling vision.

A compelling vision enables you to draw others around you who may prove instrumental in making that vision come true. Practice sharing your vision clearly and concisely and invite others to join you in pursuing it. Reiterate your vision from time to time, keeping it fresh for those who choose to partner with you.

"Where there is no vision, the people perish." (Proverbs 29:18, KJV)

Acting upon your vision can simultaneously be the most demanding and the most rewarding experience of your life. In your business, family, or community, a passionate, God-given vision can empower and motivate you to accomplish great things.

Doing Right When You've Been Done Wrong

Whether it happens in your business or in your everyday life, it is inevitable that you will encounter opposition from time to time. Often, the opposition will merely be a challenge to overcome. At times, however, the opposition may take the form of a personal attack. When someone launches an attack on you and does you wrong, how do you respond?

In my new book Women Under Construction, I describe how I have learned to cope with difficult people. Because of daily conflicts and personalities clashing on the construction site, I had to discover...
 "the art of dealing with disappointments and overcoming discouragement."

Your best response to the hostility of others is to take the high road and remain above reproach. You can do this by staying true to your values and refusing to say or do anything that would compromise those values. Instead, you can choose to maintain your integrity even if doing so becomes costly. Restraining your desire for revenge will be worth it in the long run, as you will give others no basis for criticizing you or accusing you of any wrongdoing.

This can be easier said than done, especially when you believe you have been treated wrongly. No one likes to feel like a victim, so it is an understandable reaction to seek retribution. When others discriminate against you due to your age, status, or gender, your natural instinct might be to strike back.

That is not, however, the best course of action. Rather, showing kindness to others despite how they may have mistreated you speaks volumes about your character. It is not a sign of weakness; it is a show of strength. As Jesus advised, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44 KJV). Goodness always overcomes evil.

Treating others well even after they have mistreated you can have several positive results. Here are three:

First, it can defuse the potential for future hostilities. Returning evil for evil will only serve to feed your own anger and reinforce the ill will. Refusing to seek retribution, however, will put an end to the cycle of animosity and enable you to rise above it. "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Proverbs 15:1 KJV).

Second, your positive response can have a dramatic impact on the perpetrator. Understand that hurt people hurt people. If someone has attempted to hurt you—either personally or professionally—it is likely because he or she has been hurt, too. When you respond to hurtful or hateful people with gentleness and respect, it can have a disarming effect and pave the way for better relations in the future.

Third, being true to your values can enhance your reputation as a person of integrity. Your reputation is built one brick at a time. When your conduct is firmly grounded on a foundation of faith, your integrity will be able to withstand any test. "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold" (Proverbs 22:1 KJV). On the other hand, when your words or actions do not align with your faith, your integrity and your good name will crumble.

Is there a price to be paid for treating others well even after they have treated you poorly? Yes. Primarily, you miss out on the temporary feeling of satisfaction that accompanies revenge. That feeling, however, is fleeting and inevitably gives way to regret. By choosing to respond positively, you will experience no such regret. Instead, you can have the lasting satisfaction of knowing you have taken the high road and been true to your values.

What Do Your Words Say About You?

Words are powerful. Your words can determine where you go in life, shape the opinions of others about you, and build the foundation for your future successes or failures.

Perhaps the most powerful ability of your words, though, is in how they reveal who you really are. Who you are on the inside is expressed outwardly through your words. If you are a person of integrity, that integrity will shine through the words you say and how you say them. If you have a serious deficiency in character, that will become evident through your words, too.

What do the words you say and how you say them reveal about you? Do they contribute toward a good reputation or do they betray you? To help you get a handle on your words, here are four basic guidelines...

1. If it doesn't need to be said, don't say it.

Far too many people use far too many words when few are needed. Often, this reflects a fear of silence. Silence, though, is nothing to be feared. Beware of the self-imposed pressure to break moments of silence with meaningless words. Proverbs 17:28 (NLT) states, "Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent."

2. Never say words to tear down; only say words that build up.

People who are critical of others often shoot themselves in the foot with their words. While constructive criticism can ultimately be helpful, most criticism tends to be destructive. Instead of encouraging others and building them up, it only serves to discourage and tear them down.

Use words that are primarily positive. When appropriate, offer helpful criticism that acknowledges the good points while offering practical suggestions for improving the negative. Then, though the criticism may sting a bit, the recipient will have the opportunity to improve and perhaps even be thankful for your comments.

Will Rogers, the famous entertainer from the early 1900s, once expressed this principle poetically: "Be careful of the words you say, keep them soft and sweet.  You never know from day to day which ones you'll have to eat."

3. Always avoid gossip. Always.

No good ever comes from gossip. Gossip, no matter how unintentional, can destroy a friendship and a reputation. Ultimately, it can destroy the person who is the target of the gossip. For these reasons, you should never initiate gossip nor condone it. If you are with a group who begins to gossip, you should either speak up to put an end to it or simply walk away.

"Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles." - Proverbs 21:23 (KJV)

If you are prone to gossip, perhaps the best solution is to admit it to the person you are gossiping about and offer an apology. Once you do that a few times, you will stop gossiping if only to avoid the embarrassment.

4. Do not say what you have to say; say what the other person needs to hear.

By changing your mindset away from satisfying yourself by "getting it off your chest" to considering what the other person needs to hear, you will automatically begin using your words better. Your words will become beneficial, not destructive. They will reflect well on you as a person instead of revealing a serious character flaw.

This does not mean that your words always have to be nice. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is challenge another person to improve in an area of attitude, performance, or character. However, if you frame your words by considering what the other person needs to hear, you will be less likely to offend. Instead, your words can serve as the motivation for that person to take positive action. Ephesians 4:29 (KJV) states "let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

The choice is yours. Will your words be used for good or for evil? Will they build others up or tear them down? Will they reflect well on you or damage your good name?

Considering the potential consequences, you should choose your words carefully so you will not regret them later. As the old axiom warns, once your words leave your mouth, you can never take them back.

Invest Time Into Your Family

As most of us have experienced, time is a commodity in high demand. There never seems to be enough time for us to do everything we have to do and want to do. We all face expectations and demands, pressures and desires, and there are simply not enough hours in the day to attend to everything.

All too often, our families are the ones who suffer for it. While we have a propensity to focus our time and energy on activities outside the home, those we love the most get the short end of the stick. After expending ourselves for other people and other obligations, many people arrive home, unwind in front of the television, and then collapse into bed without devoting any attention to the others living under the same roof or to prayer.

It may take some restructuring of your schedule and it will require an intentional effort, but it is possible to realign your life so you can give more time to your family. You may need to make some sacrifices and you must learn to say "no," but you can make your family a priority. Here are some suggestions to help you get started...

Designate one evening per week as your "date night." Reserve that time to spend with your spouse and to invest in your marriage. It does not have to be an expensive date, but it does need to allow for open communication about your lives and your family.Establish a weekly "family night." Dedicate it as a nonnegotiable evening for the entire family to have fun together. You can work on a family project, Bible study, play games, go bowling, or participate in any number of other activities. You can even allow a different member of the family to decide on the activity each week.Take advantage of weekend getaways. Whether you visit a nearby city or stay in a local hotel, the time spent together can greatly enhance your family relationships.Go on annual vacations together. Leave your work at the office and devote at least a couple weeks to creating memories and building bonds with your family.Not only do our families need our time; they deserve our time. When they don't get it, our family relationships begin to crumble. As you attempt to devote more time to your family, remember that not all your family time has to be highly structured. While quality time is certainly important, so is quantity. Spontaneity can often do more for a relationship than orchestrated activities.

Intentionally investing time into your family will result in the strengthening of your family bonds and increased levels of satisfaction and joy within your home. Initially, it may seem exceedingly difficult to do and you may have a hard time making the required compromises. Pray for your family and remember, with God all things are possible.

Cultivating the Art of Taking Risks

Proverbs 24:16 For a just man falleth seven times, andriseth up again (KJV)

Taking risks are unavoidable. It's a part of life and everyone must make decisions when faced with problems. The outcome is always uncertain. The risk taken today may fail miserably tomorrow, yet it could be a success when taken six months later.

Risk taking should not be something to fear. Of course the best policy is to minimize the chance of failure by taking all the possible factors into account before acting on a decision. Business executives always weigh their options before making a final decision, but when they do, they don't procrastinate or look back wondering if the decision was the right one.

Whether you're debating on what college to attend or who will be the best soul mate for you...
Accept the possibility of failure. You can't expect all your decisions to come out the way you expect 100% of the time. Failure itself doesn't mean you should give up or that you weren't meant to be successful. No one can criticize you for your mistakes, since they fail as often as you do. The purpose of failure is to learn something from your failure and use what you learn as a springboard toward success. As strange as it may sound, you should welcome failure, as there is no better teacher.

Minimize the Risk. Many people fail simply because they fail to plan. The scripture tells us in Luke 14: 28-30 For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. People know what they want, but they will start building their life and not consider the costs or the consequences. They have no blueprint on getting there. Without a concrete plan, people move in too many directions, few of which get them where they want to go. Before taking any risk, you must have a good idea of the steps you have to take to get there. "Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables (Habakkuk 2:2). Successful people write down their goals and know what steps they have to take.

Get advice. Helpful advice is extremely important before making any decisions, especially whose outcome can be life changing. "Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established" (Proverbs 15:22). Many people get married to the wrong partner. They make decisions on emotion rather than reason. Whether your decision is to choose the right college to attend or investing your money in some venture, you need to seek out those who can help you make the right decision so you stand a better chance of success.

Make it Happen. Once you've come to a decision, it's time to act. Procrastination kills more dreams before they can become a reality. Fear and doubt plague the thoughts of every man and woman. But taking that first step dispels fear. The first step is always the hardest.

Don't Look Back. "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62). When you plow, you have to keep your eyes straight ahead or you will mess up the job. Once you've taken action, you need to get rid of any regrets and focus on the future. If you have planned the course toward your goal properly, you will be able to handle any problem that may stand in your way.

Risk taking doesn't mean you throw all caution to the wind. With the right approach, you are likely to see more successes than failures and you'll be far ahead of those who fear to change at the risk of failing. And remember, you will always find clear direction and wise counsel in God's Word. Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.