Sean T. Poindexter's Blog, page 2
September 28, 2013
MOTH Limited Edition
For those of you who don't know, there has been some turbulence regarding the release of MOTH. The original publisher decided MOTH was too controversial for their line. Fortunately, I was able to find another publisher, Ambrosia Arts, very quickly.
Unfortunately, because of the change in publishers there was/is some delay in getting the book out. Getting the ebook version was pretty simple, but the print version is going to take a little more time. They are predicting late October before MOTH will be available from your local book store. That's the bad news. The good news is, Ambrosia Arts has been good enough to make MOTH available early through Amazon's CreateSpace publishing platform. That means for those of you aching to get your hands on a physical copy of MOTH, you can do so right now, but only through Amazon.
More good news, once the book is officially published the old editions available from CreateSpace will become collectors items. It is a limited edition run only being done because my readers have waited WAY to long for Max Hollingsworth's solo adventure. So grab up as many of these as you can before they're gone here.
Or, you can pick up the Kindle edition here for only $3.99!
And while you're at it, check out my new works page where you can buy copies of all my published books to date.
In case you don't know what MOTH is all about, here's the back cover blurb...
Social Worker Max Hollingsworth is no stranger to the otherworldly. But when he’s called upon to investigate a missing child, he stumbles upon a deeper mystery.
Children are vanishing and no one, not even their parents, remembers them. Suspicion turns to Neo-Nazi vampires and humans running a child slavery ring, but even that is only the beginning. For help he turns to friends, old and new, but even they might not be enough. When new enemies turn deadly, old enemies become allies, including the least likely ally of all: an enemy whose cruelty and evil was almost his end, and haunts him still.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
Unfortunately, because of the change in publishers there was/is some delay in getting the book out. Getting the ebook version was pretty simple, but the print version is going to take a little more time. They are predicting late October before MOTH will be available from your local book store. That's the bad news. The good news is, Ambrosia Arts has been good enough to make MOTH available early through Amazon's CreateSpace publishing platform. That means for those of you aching to get your hands on a physical copy of MOTH, you can do so right now, but only through Amazon.
More good news, once the book is officially published the old editions available from CreateSpace will become collectors items. It is a limited edition run only being done because my readers have waited WAY to long for Max Hollingsworth's solo adventure. So grab up as many of these as you can before they're gone here.
Or, you can pick up the Kindle edition here for only $3.99!
And while you're at it, check out my new works page where you can buy copies of all my published books to date.
In case you don't know what MOTH is all about, here's the back cover blurb...
Social Worker Max Hollingsworth is no stranger to the otherworldly. But when he’s called upon to investigate a missing child, he stumbles upon a deeper mystery.
Children are vanishing and no one, not even their parents, remembers them. Suspicion turns to Neo-Nazi vampires and humans running a child slavery ring, but even that is only the beginning. For help he turns to friends, old and new, but even they might not be enough. When new enemies turn deadly, old enemies become allies, including the least likely ally of all: an enemy whose cruelty and evil was almost his end, and haunts him still.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
September 21, 2013
NEW COVER/BLURB FOR MOTH
With a new publisher comes a new cover for MOTH. It's pretty similar to the old one, but I like it a lot more.
We've got a new synopsis blurb for the back, too:
Social Worker Max Hollingsworth is no stranger to the otherworldly. But when he’s called upon to investigate a missing child, he stumbles upon a deeper mystery.
Children are vanishing and no one, not even their parents, remembers them. Suspicion turns to Neo-Nazi vampires and humans running a child slavery ring, but even that is only the beginning. For help he turns to friends, old and new, but even they might not be enough. When new enemies turn deadly, old enemies become allies, including the least likely ally of all: an enemy whose cruelty and evil was almost his end, and haunts him still.
MOTH will be available for sale on AMAZON on September 25th. It will be available from other sources soon thereafter.Praise Tiamat,
StP
We've got a new synopsis blurb for the back, too:
Social Worker Max Hollingsworth is no stranger to the otherworldly. But when he’s called upon to investigate a missing child, he stumbles upon a deeper mystery.
Children are vanishing and no one, not even their parents, remembers them. Suspicion turns to Neo-Nazi vampires and humans running a child slavery ring, but even that is only the beginning. For help he turns to friends, old and new, but even they might not be enough. When new enemies turn deadly, old enemies become allies, including the least likely ally of all: an enemy whose cruelty and evil was almost his end, and haunts him still.
MOTH will be available for sale on AMAZON on September 25th. It will be available from other sources soon thereafter.Praise Tiamat,
StP
August 23, 2013
Indie Author Mashup in October
I'll be attending this on October 26th in Springdale, Arkansas
More details to come as the event gets closer.
www.indieauthorevent.com
Here are the flyers...
Come out and see me and meet a lot of really great authors.
If you want to participate in the model contest, let me know and I'll put you in touch with the organizer.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
More details to come as the event gets closer.
www.indieauthorevent.com
Here are the flyers...
Come out and see me and meet a lot of really great authors.
If you want to participate in the model contest, let me know and I'll put you in touch with the organizer.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
July 22, 2013
I'm THIS Close to Just Writing My Own Punisher Movie...
Just so when the new one Marvel is making comes out, if it's bad, I can answer the question "could you write a better one?" with a resounding "YES!" and "Fuck you!"
Here are the things I'd do differently:
1. Frank would exist in the Marvel Movieverse with all the other heroes. While
the projected film is planning to do this already, I would make it far truer to
the comic. Other heroes would be mentioned, but not appear. Except for
one: Daredevil. I would use Garth Ennis' take on Punisher vs. Daredevil from
Welcome Back Frank in which Daredevil attempts to stop Frank from killing a
mobster his alter ego represents in court. Frank lets Daredevil beat him in a
physical fight, only to knock him out with an ultra-sonic sound generator and
chain him up to teach him a lesson. I do this because I fucking hate Daredevil.
2. Frank would be a Vietnam veteran. I know this would make him like 70, but
I'll explain that away in a moment. Vietnam is important for Frank. He calls it
the "war where he was born" It's also a metaphor for his entire war
on crime: an intractable quagmire against a ruthless, seemingly unlimited enemy
in their territory. No matter how badass Frank is, he will never win the war.
But he will keep fighting it because it's his war. Most law enforcement would
assume that the current Punisher is a protege of the first, rather than the
same person. However, there would be two people who knew the truth. GW Bridge,
a SHIELD agent assigned to capture Frank, and Gen. Fury, who secretly supports
Frank's war and gives him supplies and weapons.
3. Frank would have a vaguely supernatural explanation for his longevity. This
was addressed in the Born series of comics, also by Garth Ennis. Frank was the
sole survivor of a Marine base called Fort Valley Forge near the end of the
war. It was Frank's third tour and he was a recon captain. During his time
there, he is internally dialoged with a dark voice that never identifies itself
but seems highly interested in keeping Frank in the killing business. It mocks
Frank's attempt to be happy about going home, and tells him he'll only be happy
with a war that never ends. It promises Frank this war, for a price. Frank
differs at first, until a legion of VC attack the fort. Frank then agrees to
the voice's terms, when it offers to keep him alive, in exchange for a price to
be named later. Frank is found by a recon patrol days later, covered in blood,
holding a broken machinegun standing on a mountain of VC corpses. He's the only
survivor. He only hears the voice again when he sees his family, and is
reminded that there would be a price to pay. In Welcome Back Frank, he
references the often (and rightly) maligned Zombisher series, in which the
Punisher died and was brought back by angels to do their bidding. They wanted
Frank to correct mistakes they'd made on Earth by being lazy and letting demons
influence criminals. Frank does it for a while, then tells them where to go.
They show him his family in heaven then thrown him down to earth as a mortal
thinking it will be worse than hell for him. They were wrong, and Frank
promptly resumes his war. I'd find a way to mix these two into one origin,
making Frank still a normal human without any powers, just ageless. He can
still die, of course. Whether he will stay dead is a matter of interpretation
for the audience.
4. Frank would face relatively super-powered enemies. The
crime lords he deals with would get tired of their normal flunkies getting the
ass killed out of them, and would turn to the burgeoning super-villain world
for help. They would present a challenge for Frank, but they'd be outclassed
because Frank is Marvel's Batman. With training and preparation, he can beat
ANYONE. In an alternate universe, he defeated Magneto by shooting him in the
head with a rubber bullet. In another, he killed The Hulk by tagging him with a
tracer, following him until he turned back into Banner, then shot Banner while
he slept. In the regular Marvel Universe, he defeated a trio of Daredevil, Spiderman,
and Wolverine by tricking them into fighting the Hulk. He also defeated Dr.
Doom. That's right, Dr. Doom. The guy who once beat the Silver Surfer got
beaten by The Big Nothing. No, Frank couldn't beat Spiderman in a fist fight.
But if he had to kill Spiderman for some reason, he wouldn't get into a
fistfight with him, just like if Spiderman had to fight Galactus, he wouldn't
throw webs at his face.
5. Anybody saying Frank isn't right for a Marvel Universe movie because he
doesn't have any powers is an idiot who can eat my stool. Guess who else in the
Marvel Movieverse doesn't have any powers? Nick Fury, Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch,
and technically Iron Man and his first two badguys. Frank is WAY more badass
than any of them. During the Secret War, Nick Fury considered putting Frank on
one side of Latvia with all the guns and ordinance he wanted and the Hulk on
the other and telling them to meet in the middle. During the Civil War, Captain
America had to reluctantly allow Frank to help because he was literally the
only person on the planet capable of successfully breaking into the Baxter
Building to hack their teleporters to free the imprisoned heroes in the
negative-zone prison thingy Reed Richards had built. Also, Frank killed Stilt
Man. Fucking STILT MAN beat Spiderman. TWICE. And Frank killed him. With a
Bazooka. He then waited until about fifty costumed villains attended a wake for
Stilt Man at a bar in Queens, poisoned them, barred the door and burned down
the bar. Oh he also defeated the Rhino, and did so in a way that the Rhino
wound up helping Frank fight (and beat) the Wrecking Crew. Yes, the Thor villains. That Wrecking Crew. And he won. With the Rhino.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
Here are the things I'd do differently:
1. Frank would exist in the Marvel Movieverse with all the other heroes. While
the projected film is planning to do this already, I would make it far truer to
the comic. Other heroes would be mentioned, but not appear. Except for
one: Daredevil. I would use Garth Ennis' take on Punisher vs. Daredevil from
Welcome Back Frank in which Daredevil attempts to stop Frank from killing a
mobster his alter ego represents in court. Frank lets Daredevil beat him in a
physical fight, only to knock him out with an ultra-sonic sound generator and
chain him up to teach him a lesson. I do this because I fucking hate Daredevil.
2. Frank would be a Vietnam veteran. I know this would make him like 70, but
I'll explain that away in a moment. Vietnam is important for Frank. He calls it
the "war where he was born" It's also a metaphor for his entire war
on crime: an intractable quagmire against a ruthless, seemingly unlimited enemy
in their territory. No matter how badass Frank is, he will never win the war.
But he will keep fighting it because it's his war. Most law enforcement would
assume that the current Punisher is a protege of the first, rather than the
same person. However, there would be two people who knew the truth. GW Bridge,
a SHIELD agent assigned to capture Frank, and Gen. Fury, who secretly supports
Frank's war and gives him supplies and weapons.
3. Frank would have a vaguely supernatural explanation for his longevity. This
was addressed in the Born series of comics, also by Garth Ennis. Frank was the
sole survivor of a Marine base called Fort Valley Forge near the end of the
war. It was Frank's third tour and he was a recon captain. During his time
there, he is internally dialoged with a dark voice that never identifies itself
but seems highly interested in keeping Frank in the killing business. It mocks
Frank's attempt to be happy about going home, and tells him he'll only be happy
with a war that never ends. It promises Frank this war, for a price. Frank
differs at first, until a legion of VC attack the fort. Frank then agrees to
the voice's terms, when it offers to keep him alive, in exchange for a price to
be named later. Frank is found by a recon patrol days later, covered in blood,
holding a broken machinegun standing on a mountain of VC corpses. He's the only
survivor. He only hears the voice again when he sees his family, and is
reminded that there would be a price to pay. In Welcome Back Frank, he
references the often (and rightly) maligned Zombisher series, in which the
Punisher died and was brought back by angels to do their bidding. They wanted
Frank to correct mistakes they'd made on Earth by being lazy and letting demons
influence criminals. Frank does it for a while, then tells them where to go.
They show him his family in heaven then thrown him down to earth as a mortal
thinking it will be worse than hell for him. They were wrong, and Frank
promptly resumes his war. I'd find a way to mix these two into one origin,
making Frank still a normal human without any powers, just ageless. He can
still die, of course. Whether he will stay dead is a matter of interpretation
for the audience.
4. Frank would face relatively super-powered enemies. The
crime lords he deals with would get tired of their normal flunkies getting the
ass killed out of them, and would turn to the burgeoning super-villain world
for help. They would present a challenge for Frank, but they'd be outclassed
because Frank is Marvel's Batman. With training and preparation, he can beat
ANYONE. In an alternate universe, he defeated Magneto by shooting him in the
head with a rubber bullet. In another, he killed The Hulk by tagging him with a
tracer, following him until he turned back into Banner, then shot Banner while
he slept. In the regular Marvel Universe, he defeated a trio of Daredevil, Spiderman,
and Wolverine by tricking them into fighting the Hulk. He also defeated Dr.
Doom. That's right, Dr. Doom. The guy who once beat the Silver Surfer got
beaten by The Big Nothing. No, Frank couldn't beat Spiderman in a fist fight.
But if he had to kill Spiderman for some reason, he wouldn't get into a
fistfight with him, just like if Spiderman had to fight Galactus, he wouldn't
throw webs at his face.
5. Anybody saying Frank isn't right for a Marvel Universe movie because he
doesn't have any powers is an idiot who can eat my stool. Guess who else in the
Marvel Movieverse doesn't have any powers? Nick Fury, Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch,
and technically Iron Man and his first two badguys. Frank is WAY more badass
than any of them. During the Secret War, Nick Fury considered putting Frank on
one side of Latvia with all the guns and ordinance he wanted and the Hulk on
the other and telling them to meet in the middle. During the Civil War, Captain
America had to reluctantly allow Frank to help because he was literally the
only person on the planet capable of successfully breaking into the Baxter
Building to hack their teleporters to free the imprisoned heroes in the
negative-zone prison thingy Reed Richards had built. Also, Frank killed Stilt
Man. Fucking STILT MAN beat Spiderman. TWICE. And Frank killed him. With a
Bazooka. He then waited until about fifty costumed villains attended a wake for
Stilt Man at a bar in Queens, poisoned them, barred the door and burned down
the bar. Oh he also defeated the Rhino, and did so in a way that the Rhino
wound up helping Frank fight (and beat) the Wrecking Crew. Yes, the Thor villains. That Wrecking Crew. And he won. With the Rhino.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
July 2, 2013
MOTH Cover Revealed...
Behold, the cover for the first book in Max Hollingsworth's dark paranormal mystery series, Moth -
Here is the tentative summary/blurb for the book -
Social
Worker Max Hollingsworth is no stranger to the otherworldly. But when he’s
called upon to investigate a missing child protective services worker, he
stumbles upon a deeper mystery.
Children
are vanishing and no one, not even their parents, remembers them. Suspicion
turns to Neo-Nazi vampires and humans running a child slavery ring, but the
truth is far more sinister than even Max is prepared to handle. For help he turns
to friends, old and new, but even they might not be enough…forcing him to turn
to the least likely ally of all: an enemy who’s cruelty and evil was almost his
end…and haunts him still.
He’ll
be lucky if he makes it out of this one alive.
Moth is due out this September. Exact release dates when they become available.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
Here is the tentative summary/blurb for the book -
Social
Worker Max Hollingsworth is no stranger to the otherworldly. But when he’s
called upon to investigate a missing child protective services worker, he
stumbles upon a deeper mystery.
Children
are vanishing and no one, not even their parents, remembers them. Suspicion
turns to Neo-Nazi vampires and humans running a child slavery ring, but the
truth is far more sinister than even Max is prepared to handle. For help he turns
to friends, old and new, but even they might not be enough…forcing him to turn
to the least likely ally of all: an enemy who’s cruelty and evil was almost his
end…and haunts him still.
He’ll
be lucky if he makes it out of this one alive.
Moth is due out this September. Exact release dates when they become available.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
June 27, 2013
I Caught Loki
Bang all you want, hoss, you're not getting out.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
June 13, 2013
DEATH METAL BAND NAMES
OVERHEARD: two guys having a conversation about silly death and black metal band names...
ME
You shouldn't make fun of them. Coming up with a good name for a death metal or black metal band is harder than it sounds.
GUY 1
Really?
ME
Yeah, I was in one and we had a lot of trouble with it.
GUY 2
What was your band name?
ME
Well, a little backstory first. We wanted to go with a theme. A lot of our songs were Viking-based, using their mythology and culture. So we wanted to create an image of Viking warriors emerging from the mist, ready for battle, filling all who beheld them with dread. So, we went with a name that tried to convey that.
GUY 1
(Impatiently) Which was?
ME
Foghat.
GUY 1 and 2
What?
ME
Yeah and it seemed to work because whenever we did a gig lots of people came, but oddly it was a bunch of really old guys and they would always get SO pissed as soon as we started playing. So we decided to go a different direction.
GUY 1
Oh, please...tell us.
GUY 2
God, yes!
ME
A lot of bands have biblical sounding names, like Covenant, Testament, Exodus, and Ministry. So, we decided to go with something like that and picked a name from the Bible...
Genesis.
GUY 1 and 2
OH MY GOD!!!
ME
I KNOW! The same god damned thing happened: old people showed up just to get pissed off!
GUY 1
Did you stick with that name?
ME
No, turns out there was already a band called that. And, interestingly enough, there was one called Foghat. Which is weird because who else would think to name a band that? I get Genesis but Foghat? It just doesn't make sense outside the context of Viking death metal, which...to the best of my knowledge...wasn't what the original Foghat did. So we decided to go with the most random, multi-word name we could think of so there would be no possible way there could ever be another band with that name.
GUY 2
Which was?
ME
Huey Lewis and the News.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
ME
You shouldn't make fun of them. Coming up with a good name for a death metal or black metal band is harder than it sounds.
GUY 1
Really?
ME
Yeah, I was in one and we had a lot of trouble with it.
GUY 2
What was your band name?
ME
Well, a little backstory first. We wanted to go with a theme. A lot of our songs were Viking-based, using their mythology and culture. So we wanted to create an image of Viking warriors emerging from the mist, ready for battle, filling all who beheld them with dread. So, we went with a name that tried to convey that.
GUY 1
(Impatiently) Which was?
ME
Foghat.
GUY 1 and 2
What?
ME
Yeah and it seemed to work because whenever we did a gig lots of people came, but oddly it was a bunch of really old guys and they would always get SO pissed as soon as we started playing. So we decided to go a different direction.
GUY 1
Oh, please...tell us.
GUY 2
God, yes!
ME
A lot of bands have biblical sounding names, like Covenant, Testament, Exodus, and Ministry. So, we decided to go with something like that and picked a name from the Bible...
Genesis.
GUY 1 and 2
OH MY GOD!!!
ME
I KNOW! The same god damned thing happened: old people showed up just to get pissed off!
GUY 1
Did you stick with that name?
ME
No, turns out there was already a band called that. And, interestingly enough, there was one called Foghat. Which is weird because who else would think to name a band that? I get Genesis but Foghat? It just doesn't make sense outside the context of Viking death metal, which...to the best of my knowledge...wasn't what the original Foghat did. So we decided to go with the most random, multi-word name we could think of so there would be no possible way there could ever be another band with that name.
GUY 2
Which was?
ME
Huey Lewis and the News.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
May 25, 2013
Excerpt From Moth
Below is a tiny snippet of my upcoming paranormal mystery/thriller Moth. This is the first book in a series following social worker Max Hollingsworth, friend of Megan Crunk and Garrett Terago from The Dragon's Blood Chronicles. Max's books are a slight departure from the Chronicles. They are darker, less fantasy, and tend to focus on Max doing what Max does: investigate child abuse cases that somehow always contain some kind of supernatural element.
In this clip, Max meets for the first time one of his most formidable adversaries: a vampire skinhead named Boone. He is the leader of a pack of human and vampire Neo-Nazi's living on the outskirts of Joplin of whom Max suspects of being child slavery traffickers and meth makers/dealers.
Moth Excerpt
Max and Frank walked around the trailer to
his Prius. The futuristic black car looked out of place. It also had some
visitors. Three skinheads, the two they’d seen setting outside, and a third.
“Is this your faggot-mobile?” asked the fat
one.
“Yes.” Max slid his hand into his bag. “This
is my faggot-mobile.”
“Shit! Ollie,” said other one from before.
He clapped his hand onto the fat one’s arm. “Slanty-eyed little monkey Japs
made this piece o’shit!”
The fat one slapped away his hand.
“Don’t be sayin’ my name!” Max would find
out later that one’s name was Leroy. Ollie was the biggest of the three, but
not the tallest—not the most threatening either. That was reserved for the
lanky newcomer.
“Both of you faggots shut up,” he said to
them without looking. They both shut up. His voice was like a pestle grinding
charcoal, with a thicker southern accent than Max was used to hearing from
people around here.
Ah, the
chief! The tall one was the only one not wearing some kind of jacket, just
a wife-beater and a pair of jeans held up by red suspenders. A thin layer of
bleach-white hair covered the blue veins on his head. He was paler than the
other two, and wore a dark pair of sunglasses despite the overcast sky.
He stepped to Max and lowered his head
enough that his shades slid down his nose. He had small, beady eyes; almost
pink with little blue dots in the middle. He smiled and showed off two rows of
pearly teeth. His nostrils twitched as he sniffed the air.
“You cops?”
“Do we look like cops?” Max closed his hand
around the grip of the little gun he carried in his bag. “Or, smell like cops?”
He grinned and pushed up his shades. Every
finger on his hands sported a different ring—Max saw skulls, swastikas,
shamrocks and a couple of crosses.
Frank pulled out his phone. The leader skinhead
looked at him. Frank didn’t back away any further.
Max looked over at Leroy and Ollie.
“Actually, the Japanese were allied with the
Nazis, so you should appreciate Japanese craftsmanship.” They gave him a
confused look. Max wasn’t surprised he’d confused them. He looked back at the
leader, now inches from his face. It was colder near him than it should have
been. Max knew what that meant….
“You aren’t selling anything.” He lowered
the shades again and fixed Max with his eyes. “What are you doing here?” Max
felt a pull in his brain, like he’d been hung upside down. He felt the skinhead’s
influence stretch and break, snapping out of his brain like a rubber band. The
vampire gave him a surprised look. “Who are you?”
“I’m calling the police.” Frank started
hitting numbers.
“Hey!” Ollie shook his hands. “We ain’t doing
nothing!”
“We’re not trying to start a fight.”
Frank looked at Max. He nodded for him to
stop dialing. Frank nodded back and stopped.
The leader turned his canine eyes back to
Max and pushed up his shades. “We were just walking by and saw your car. Don’t
see many of them around here. We were just curious about it, that’s all.”
“Curious about mileage, and what not?” Max
had the gun in his hand. The vampire skinhead’s lip curled a little, showing
Max he could smell gunmetal mixing with palm sweat.
“You didn’t answer my question. Who are
you?”
“I’m Max. Who are you?”
“Boone.”
“You mean like…Pat?”
He grinned. “More like Daniel.”
“Gotcha.” Max nodded.
Boone stepped away. He saw Ollie was leaning
against the car and slapped him on the shoulder. “Ollie, you fat fuck! Get off
the man’s car!”
Max and Frank looked at each other and
exchanged nervous grins.
Boone looked back at Max as they walked
away. He held up his hands. “Don’t be a stranger! Come on by some time and say
hello!”
“Yeah, sure. Which trailer is yours?” Max
looked past the trio at Nazi flag in the window.
Boone laughed and turned around. Ollie and
Leroy watched as Frank and Max got back in the car.
Boone didn’t turn to look at them until he
was past the fence. By that point Max already had his car going and was backing
out of driveway.
“Why’d he think we were cops?” Frank
whispered. He knew the vampire might be able to hear them, even being in the
car. Max waited until they were outside the park to answer.
“He smelled my gun.” He panted and let his
heart slow. He knew the vamp could hear that too. He’d had to have known they
were scared, but their stubborn refusal to show any outward signs of fear had
earned some measure of respect.
“You’ve got a piece?”
“Yeah, I’ve got the .380 in my bag.” Max gestured
to the black bag in the back seat.
“Dammit, Max.”
“What? You wanted one, too? Remind me next
time, I have a forty-five in the trunk—”
“No, you dick! You know I don’t like it when
you carry guns around me.”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
Frank slapped himself on the head. “Fuck,
Max! What would you have done if they’d drawn a knife or a gun? Would you have
shot them?”
“Yes.”
Frank looked at him for a second before
nodding. “All right. I guess I’m okay with that.”
“Oh, well thank you.” Max laughed. “That
makes me feel a lot better.”
“Are you even allowed to carry a gun?”
“I have a concealed carry permit—”
“I mean for your job. Does the State allow
social workers to pack heat?”
Max turned a corner. “In what sense do you
mean allow?”
“Have been given permission to, and will not get in trouble if.”
“In that sense, no. I’m not—” Max made quote
marks with his fingers “—allowed to
carry a firearm.” Frank laughed. “I can always get another job. I can’t get
another life.”
“Would you be able to live with it?” Frank
asked at length, “If you had to shoot one of them?”
“Easily.”
And so, that's Max. I'm also going to add some concept art for the cover for you. I don't know for sure that this will be the cover of the book, it's just what the artist is working on right now. It's also not finished. The very talented artist working on it tells me that he's got a lot more to do. I think it looks great but I'm looking forward to the final version.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
In this clip, Max meets for the first time one of his most formidable adversaries: a vampire skinhead named Boone. He is the leader of a pack of human and vampire Neo-Nazi's living on the outskirts of Joplin of whom Max suspects of being child slavery traffickers and meth makers/dealers.
Moth Excerpt
Max and Frank walked around the trailer to
his Prius. The futuristic black car looked out of place. It also had some
visitors. Three skinheads, the two they’d seen setting outside, and a third.
“Is this your faggot-mobile?” asked the fat
one.
“Yes.” Max slid his hand into his bag. “This
is my faggot-mobile.”
“Shit! Ollie,” said other one from before.
He clapped his hand onto the fat one’s arm. “Slanty-eyed little monkey Japs
made this piece o’shit!”
The fat one slapped away his hand.
“Don’t be sayin’ my name!” Max would find
out later that one’s name was Leroy. Ollie was the biggest of the three, but
not the tallest—not the most threatening either. That was reserved for the
lanky newcomer.
“Both of you faggots shut up,” he said to
them without looking. They both shut up. His voice was like a pestle grinding
charcoal, with a thicker southern accent than Max was used to hearing from
people around here.
Ah, the
chief! The tall one was the only one not wearing some kind of jacket, just
a wife-beater and a pair of jeans held up by red suspenders. A thin layer of
bleach-white hair covered the blue veins on his head. He was paler than the
other two, and wore a dark pair of sunglasses despite the overcast sky.
He stepped to Max and lowered his head
enough that his shades slid down his nose. He had small, beady eyes; almost
pink with little blue dots in the middle. He smiled and showed off two rows of
pearly teeth. His nostrils twitched as he sniffed the air.
“You cops?”
“Do we look like cops?” Max closed his hand
around the grip of the little gun he carried in his bag. “Or, smell like cops?”
He grinned and pushed up his shades. Every
finger on his hands sported a different ring—Max saw skulls, swastikas,
shamrocks and a couple of crosses.
Frank pulled out his phone. The leader skinhead
looked at him. Frank didn’t back away any further.
Max looked over at Leroy and Ollie.
“Actually, the Japanese were allied with the
Nazis, so you should appreciate Japanese craftsmanship.” They gave him a
confused look. Max wasn’t surprised he’d confused them. He looked back at the
leader, now inches from his face. It was colder near him than it should have
been. Max knew what that meant….
“You aren’t selling anything.” He lowered
the shades again and fixed Max with his eyes. “What are you doing here?” Max
felt a pull in his brain, like he’d been hung upside down. He felt the skinhead’s
influence stretch and break, snapping out of his brain like a rubber band. The
vampire gave him a surprised look. “Who are you?”
“I’m calling the police.” Frank started
hitting numbers.
“Hey!” Ollie shook his hands. “We ain’t doing
nothing!”
“We’re not trying to start a fight.”
Frank looked at Max. He nodded for him to
stop dialing. Frank nodded back and stopped.
The leader turned his canine eyes back to
Max and pushed up his shades. “We were just walking by and saw your car. Don’t
see many of them around here. We were just curious about it, that’s all.”
“Curious about mileage, and what not?” Max
had the gun in his hand. The vampire skinhead’s lip curled a little, showing
Max he could smell gunmetal mixing with palm sweat.
“You didn’t answer my question. Who are
you?”
“I’m Max. Who are you?”
“Boone.”
“You mean like…Pat?”
He grinned. “More like Daniel.”
“Gotcha.” Max nodded.
Boone stepped away. He saw Ollie was leaning
against the car and slapped him on the shoulder. “Ollie, you fat fuck! Get off
the man’s car!”
Max and Frank looked at each other and
exchanged nervous grins.
Boone looked back at Max as they walked
away. He held up his hands. “Don’t be a stranger! Come on by some time and say
hello!”
“Yeah, sure. Which trailer is yours?” Max
looked past the trio at Nazi flag in the window.
Boone laughed and turned around. Ollie and
Leroy watched as Frank and Max got back in the car.
Boone didn’t turn to look at them until he
was past the fence. By that point Max already had his car going and was backing
out of driveway.
“Why’d he think we were cops?” Frank
whispered. He knew the vampire might be able to hear them, even being in the
car. Max waited until they were outside the park to answer.
“He smelled my gun.” He panted and let his
heart slow. He knew the vamp could hear that too. He’d had to have known they
were scared, but their stubborn refusal to show any outward signs of fear had
earned some measure of respect.
“You’ve got a piece?”
“Yeah, I’ve got the .380 in my bag.” Max gestured
to the black bag in the back seat.
“Dammit, Max.”
“What? You wanted one, too? Remind me next
time, I have a forty-five in the trunk—”
“No, you dick! You know I don’t like it when
you carry guns around me.”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
Frank slapped himself on the head. “Fuck,
Max! What would you have done if they’d drawn a knife or a gun? Would you have
shot them?”
“Yes.”
Frank looked at him for a second before
nodding. “All right. I guess I’m okay with that.”
“Oh, well thank you.” Max laughed. “That
makes me feel a lot better.”
“Are you even allowed to carry a gun?”
“I have a concealed carry permit—”
“I mean for your job. Does the State allow
social workers to pack heat?”
Max turned a corner. “In what sense do you
mean allow?”
“Have been given permission to, and will not get in trouble if.”
“In that sense, no. I’m not—” Max made quote
marks with his fingers “—allowed to
carry a firearm.” Frank laughed. “I can always get another job. I can’t get
another life.”
“Would you be able to live with it?” Frank
asked at length, “If you had to shoot one of them?”
“Easily.”
And so, that's Max. I'm also going to add some concept art for the cover for you. I don't know for sure that this will be the cover of the book, it's just what the artist is working on right now. It's also not finished. The very talented artist working on it tells me that he's got a lot more to do. I think it looks great but I'm looking forward to the final version.
Praise Tiamat,
StP
May 22, 2013
Why Do You Care (about Kate?)
Two days ago I posted a blog about the case of Katilyn Hunt. That blog post has become very popular, garnering over 1700 hits in less than 24 hours. I've also received a lot of feedback about the blog, most of it positive, some of it negative, all of which I have responded to in the comments section of that blog. I've even recieved a threat on my safety, from an anonymous poster, no less. While it's hard to take such threats seriously, I have since disabled anonymous comments on my blog to weed out such cowards. I've also managed to get ahold of the threatener's real name and home city, so in the unlikely event that he carries out his threat--and survives--his identity will be made public. But by all means, threaten me all you want, but best not try to carry it out. I may be a cripple, but I'm always armed and have absolutely no problem using lethal force to protect myself.
So far, most of the criticism I've gotten for my support of Kate Hunt has been in the form of personal attacks and questions about my motive. I've gotten enough of them that I feel like they should be addressed here. If you're tired of hearing about this, just stop reading now.
[image error] I don't think the law under which Kate is being convicted should be overturned. That law exists for a reason: to protect young people from sexual predators. However, within the law there is discretion. That's why we elect District Attorneys and Judges: to add a human element to the cold, rigid word of the law. Did Kate violate the letter of the law by having sexual contact with a 14 year old girl? Yes. Did she violate the spirit of the law, i.e. is she a sexual predator victimizing a child? As someone who has spent a large part of his life studying sexual predators, and has experience investigating them and working with them in a correctional setting, I can genuinely say that it does not appear to be the case that Kate is a sexual predator. All the evidence present to me at this time, including the police affidavit indicates that this is nothing more than a pair of lovestruck teenage girls. Were Kate a sexual predator, there would be some indication of coercion, coupled with a lack of concern for the other girl's well being. On the contrary, Kate and her family have gone out of their way to protect the younger girl, even when demonizing her or accusing her of lying or being the aggressor in the relationship would benefit them. Sexual predators always blame their victims. That isn't what's happening here. Furthermore, the younger girl has made no allegations of coercion. Sexual predators also tend to have multiple victims at a time. This looks to be the only young girl Kate is involved with. So, it is within the DA's discretion to pursue charges against Kate based on whether he thinks she is in fact a sexual predator from whom the community requires protection. I'm not appraised of all the facts, of course, but from what I've seen I don't find that to be the case. It's my hope that the DA will see that as well. He has already dismissed similar charges for identical reasons, so it looks likely that Kate may be given a reprieve as well.
One anonymous poster accused me of being a pedophile. Well, all I can say to that is: I'm not. Of course, if I were, that's what I'd say anyway, so if you want to believe that about me, go ahead. I have been married to an adult woman for almost a decade, have never been accused of a sex offense against a child, or had any suspicion cast on me by law enforcement. Furthermore, I don't get how saying one teenager shouldn't be legally punished for sex with another teenager makes me a pedophile. I'm not asking to watch them or anything. Furthermore, I'm not advocating abolishing the age-of-consent laws altogether I'm not even saying that Kate didn't do anything wrong. I just don't think she should face criminal charges and a lifetime on the sex offender registry for something that many teenagers do and is part of normal development.
As to the seriousness of childhood sexual abuse, and my feelings towards it, i.e. if I am sympathetic towards those who prey on children to satisfy their sexual urges, I will make a rather personal disclosure right now: I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Until this blog, this has been a highly personal secret that I've shared with only a few close people in my life. I'm making it public now in the hopes that any who read it will understand that I know what real sexual abuse look and feels like. It happened to ME. I was very young, it was not a family member, and it was never reported because I didn't understand what was happening at the time and was told to blame myself. It has haunted me all my life. It will haunt me until I die. You can ask my wife, ask my friends, ask anyone I've ever been romantically involved with, and they will tell you that there is a fear of intimacy there inside me that I don't believe will ever leave. It is burned like a fresh brand on my soul and it still hurts. There are times when a simple, unexpected touch from my wife or a friend causes me to shudder. My life has been good, I have a wonderful family and many close friends, but nothing will ever take that pain away from me. I have learned to live with it, but I will never forget. So to imply that I have some sympathy for or towards pedophilia is not only inaccurate, it's offensive. I can excuse those who made that charge before, not knowing, but any who persist now after making this declaration, to them I say this: you're disgusting.
Then there is the accusation I'm doing this for self-glorification; as in to sell books. If I am, it's not really working out that well. Since publishing my blog yesterday in support of Kate, I've sold three books. Granted, that's an almost 300% increase in sales from the day before, but I doubt very seriously that my support of Kate is going to produce any sort of windfall profits in book sales. I'm not doing this to sell books. I'm doing it because I believe in Kate.
But at the bottom of it all, there has to be some underlying cause for my concern, right? Something that motivated me to stick my nose into this situation as opposed to the thousands of other injustices I see and hear about every day. What was it about THIS one that caught my eye and made me get involved? There is an answer to that, too...
My youngest brother.
A few years ago, my youngest brother plead guilty to a sex offence. Not because he had really done anything wrong, but because he had no chance to beat the charges and a conviction would have resulted in a worse sentence. His situation was different from Kate's in several ways. My brother, who I will refer to as E, was 18 when he went out on a date with a girl he thought was 16. She was not. After some kissing and petting, the girl asked E to take her home because she was tired and wasn't in the mood to play anymore. E agreed, took her home, and left. It turns out the girl had left the house without her mother's permission, and got caught returning to the house. When she told her mother what happened, she called the police. A rape kit was done, but no evidence was turned up because there was no sexual intercourse, just touching. Normally, that would have been the end of it. But, our father is a public figure in law enforcement in that area, and in order to prevent the appearance of favoritism towards a fellow police officer, the investigation continued. E was interviewed by the police, and he naively told them everything that happened...again, because he didn't realize how young the girl was, or that he was being investigated for rape. E was convicted solely on the statement he gave to the police. If he'd stayed quiet or said, "she's lying, I didn't touch her" that would have been the end of it. He was punished for being naive and honest. Yes, E should have made sure the girl was the age he thought she was before he touched her. And for that, her deserves some level of punishment, but being convicted of a sex offense and branded a sex offender has essentially crippled his life. He has struggled to maintain a job because so many people in the community have turned their backs on him. This is a community my father has served for over 30 years, protecting them from the very monsters they now think E is. Like Kate, E wasn't engaging in predatory behavior. Neither of them were lurking around playgrounds or school hangouts looking for vulnerable children. They just made careless mistakes. The kind of mistakes everyone needs to make in order to grow up and become a responsible adult. Now, unfortunately, E's road has been altered so dramatically that he may never be able to progress.
On top of that, I've seen what this has done to my father. E and I have different mothers, he's really my half-brother but I still call him my brother. I've watched my father struggle financially and emotionally with this. He aged years in but a few months. He has lost friends. His career has suffered. His emotional health has deteriorated. I saw the stress and fear in his eyes when he heard E had been assaulted in jail, both for his alleged offense, and for being the son of a cop. Because E's mother is a narcissistic loser, dad has carried the extensive financial burden of E's court cost, probation fees, and mandated therapy sessions.
So I say this to Kate's father, Steven, to whom I've had the pleasure to get to know a little: I understand.
I understand the helplessness you feel. The weight that presses on your chest when you sit, and your head when you stand. You find yourself moving around to escape it, but you can't; it follows you everywhere. Anguish builds like sickness inside, filling you until you want to scream at the world. You want to take it all on yourself. You would offer to bear it ten-fold if they would just spare the one you love. You see other families going about their day, carefree of this kind of concern, and it makes your heart simmer. You think about them, the accusers. Dark thoughts creep into your mind. Why should I suffer alone? Why shouldn't they reap what they have sown? You look at implements of destruction and imagine making them red. Then you stop. Calmness and sanity return. You realize you're not a monster. You can't hurt someone else. You're better than that. Better than them. You feel guilty for even entertaining the notion, even if it was only for a second. I'm here to tell you: don't. It's natural to want to protect those we love. We can't help what we feel. Only what we do. And what we will do is persevere. Stand up and fight. We will do so in accordance with the law and conscience. In the end, that is why we will prevail. But knowing that is cold comfort when the one we love, so young and new to the real world, sits shivering in fear of a losing a future they never had a chance to see because of the wicked actions of another.
To Kate, I offer this song and hope it is of some comfort, as it has often been for me in trying times like these...
Praise Tiamat,
StP
So far, most of the criticism I've gotten for my support of Kate Hunt has been in the form of personal attacks and questions about my motive. I've gotten enough of them that I feel like they should be addressed here. If you're tired of hearing about this, just stop reading now.
[image error] I don't think the law under which Kate is being convicted should be overturned. That law exists for a reason: to protect young people from sexual predators. However, within the law there is discretion. That's why we elect District Attorneys and Judges: to add a human element to the cold, rigid word of the law. Did Kate violate the letter of the law by having sexual contact with a 14 year old girl? Yes. Did she violate the spirit of the law, i.e. is she a sexual predator victimizing a child? As someone who has spent a large part of his life studying sexual predators, and has experience investigating them and working with them in a correctional setting, I can genuinely say that it does not appear to be the case that Kate is a sexual predator. All the evidence present to me at this time, including the police affidavit indicates that this is nothing more than a pair of lovestruck teenage girls. Were Kate a sexual predator, there would be some indication of coercion, coupled with a lack of concern for the other girl's well being. On the contrary, Kate and her family have gone out of their way to protect the younger girl, even when demonizing her or accusing her of lying or being the aggressor in the relationship would benefit them. Sexual predators always blame their victims. That isn't what's happening here. Furthermore, the younger girl has made no allegations of coercion. Sexual predators also tend to have multiple victims at a time. This looks to be the only young girl Kate is involved with. So, it is within the DA's discretion to pursue charges against Kate based on whether he thinks she is in fact a sexual predator from whom the community requires protection. I'm not appraised of all the facts, of course, but from what I've seen I don't find that to be the case. It's my hope that the DA will see that as well. He has already dismissed similar charges for identical reasons, so it looks likely that Kate may be given a reprieve as well.
One anonymous poster accused me of being a pedophile. Well, all I can say to that is: I'm not. Of course, if I were, that's what I'd say anyway, so if you want to believe that about me, go ahead. I have been married to an adult woman for almost a decade, have never been accused of a sex offense against a child, or had any suspicion cast on me by law enforcement. Furthermore, I don't get how saying one teenager shouldn't be legally punished for sex with another teenager makes me a pedophile. I'm not asking to watch them or anything. Furthermore, I'm not advocating abolishing the age-of-consent laws altogether I'm not even saying that Kate didn't do anything wrong. I just don't think she should face criminal charges and a lifetime on the sex offender registry for something that many teenagers do and is part of normal development.
As to the seriousness of childhood sexual abuse, and my feelings towards it, i.e. if I am sympathetic towards those who prey on children to satisfy their sexual urges, I will make a rather personal disclosure right now: I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Until this blog, this has been a highly personal secret that I've shared with only a few close people in my life. I'm making it public now in the hopes that any who read it will understand that I know what real sexual abuse look and feels like. It happened to ME. I was very young, it was not a family member, and it was never reported because I didn't understand what was happening at the time and was told to blame myself. It has haunted me all my life. It will haunt me until I die. You can ask my wife, ask my friends, ask anyone I've ever been romantically involved with, and they will tell you that there is a fear of intimacy there inside me that I don't believe will ever leave. It is burned like a fresh brand on my soul and it still hurts. There are times when a simple, unexpected touch from my wife or a friend causes me to shudder. My life has been good, I have a wonderful family and many close friends, but nothing will ever take that pain away from me. I have learned to live with it, but I will never forget. So to imply that I have some sympathy for or towards pedophilia is not only inaccurate, it's offensive. I can excuse those who made that charge before, not knowing, but any who persist now after making this declaration, to them I say this: you're disgusting.
Then there is the accusation I'm doing this for self-glorification; as in to sell books. If I am, it's not really working out that well. Since publishing my blog yesterday in support of Kate, I've sold three books. Granted, that's an almost 300% increase in sales from the day before, but I doubt very seriously that my support of Kate is going to produce any sort of windfall profits in book sales. I'm not doing this to sell books. I'm doing it because I believe in Kate.
But at the bottom of it all, there has to be some underlying cause for my concern, right? Something that motivated me to stick my nose into this situation as opposed to the thousands of other injustices I see and hear about every day. What was it about THIS one that caught my eye and made me get involved? There is an answer to that, too...
My youngest brother.
A few years ago, my youngest brother plead guilty to a sex offence. Not because he had really done anything wrong, but because he had no chance to beat the charges and a conviction would have resulted in a worse sentence. His situation was different from Kate's in several ways. My brother, who I will refer to as E, was 18 when he went out on a date with a girl he thought was 16. She was not. After some kissing and petting, the girl asked E to take her home because she was tired and wasn't in the mood to play anymore. E agreed, took her home, and left. It turns out the girl had left the house without her mother's permission, and got caught returning to the house. When she told her mother what happened, she called the police. A rape kit was done, but no evidence was turned up because there was no sexual intercourse, just touching. Normally, that would have been the end of it. But, our father is a public figure in law enforcement in that area, and in order to prevent the appearance of favoritism towards a fellow police officer, the investigation continued. E was interviewed by the police, and he naively told them everything that happened...again, because he didn't realize how young the girl was, or that he was being investigated for rape. E was convicted solely on the statement he gave to the police. If he'd stayed quiet or said, "she's lying, I didn't touch her" that would have been the end of it. He was punished for being naive and honest. Yes, E should have made sure the girl was the age he thought she was before he touched her. And for that, her deserves some level of punishment, but being convicted of a sex offense and branded a sex offender has essentially crippled his life. He has struggled to maintain a job because so many people in the community have turned their backs on him. This is a community my father has served for over 30 years, protecting them from the very monsters they now think E is. Like Kate, E wasn't engaging in predatory behavior. Neither of them were lurking around playgrounds or school hangouts looking for vulnerable children. They just made careless mistakes. The kind of mistakes everyone needs to make in order to grow up and become a responsible adult. Now, unfortunately, E's road has been altered so dramatically that he may never be able to progress.
On top of that, I've seen what this has done to my father. E and I have different mothers, he's really my half-brother but I still call him my brother. I've watched my father struggle financially and emotionally with this. He aged years in but a few months. He has lost friends. His career has suffered. His emotional health has deteriorated. I saw the stress and fear in his eyes when he heard E had been assaulted in jail, both for his alleged offense, and for being the son of a cop. Because E's mother is a narcissistic loser, dad has carried the extensive financial burden of E's court cost, probation fees, and mandated therapy sessions.
So I say this to Kate's father, Steven, to whom I've had the pleasure to get to know a little: I understand.
I understand the helplessness you feel. The weight that presses on your chest when you sit, and your head when you stand. You find yourself moving around to escape it, but you can't; it follows you everywhere. Anguish builds like sickness inside, filling you until you want to scream at the world. You want to take it all on yourself. You would offer to bear it ten-fold if they would just spare the one you love. You see other families going about their day, carefree of this kind of concern, and it makes your heart simmer. You think about them, the accusers. Dark thoughts creep into your mind. Why should I suffer alone? Why shouldn't they reap what they have sown? You look at implements of destruction and imagine making them red. Then you stop. Calmness and sanity return. You realize you're not a monster. You can't hurt someone else. You're better than that. Better than them. You feel guilty for even entertaining the notion, even if it was only for a second. I'm here to tell you: don't. It's natural to want to protect those we love. We can't help what we feel. Only what we do. And what we will do is persevere. Stand up and fight. We will do so in accordance with the law and conscience. In the end, that is why we will prevail. But knowing that is cold comfort when the one we love, so young and new to the real world, sits shivering in fear of a losing a future they never had a chance to see because of the wicked actions of another.
To Kate, I offer this song and hope it is of some comfort, as it has often been for me in trying times like these...
Praise Tiamat,
StP
May 21, 2013
Dear Ativan
[image error]
How are you? I'm fine. Well, not really but whatever. I have something I want to get off my chest.
We've been seeing each other for a while now. I know you probably feel taken for granted, and I wish I could say that was all in your head but I'd be lying. I know I've taken you for granted. I mean, we cross paths almost every day and I just pop off your lip and throw one or two of you down my throat and wash you away with some grapefruit juice or iced tea, all the time assuming you'll make the little beast in my chest stop clawing at the back of my ribs. Never once do I take a moment to say thank you, or to show any sign of appreciation for what you do for me. In fact, I make jokes about it. One of them, most commonly, is that I don't take you for my protection, I take it for everyone else's. Yeah, funny, I know. But not to you.
The truth it, Ativan, that I love you. Which is conflicting, because I also hate you. No, hear me out. I don't hate you because of anything you did. I hate you because I need you. See, we're all taught that we should be able to manage everything life throws at us. And we do. Until we can't. Some of us have this thing inside us. It's so strange, really. I'm generally regarded as one of the more fearless of my friends and family. Always have been. Big things don't scare me a bit. Falling off a cliff, getting in a plane crash, dying in a fire, being shot...none of it bothers me that much. But stubbing my toe, bouncing a check, missing a bill, or getting a nasty phone call from a collection agency, those KILL me.
What the hell is up with that, Ativan? No, you tell me you're the expert.
It's completely irrational, and stupid. And I don't want my brain to be stupid or irrational. Brains are supposed to be smart. They are supposed to make sense. Why am I not the least bit afraid of getting in a car crash WHILE the car is spinning out of control, but terrified of a papercut? I can have a knife pointed directly at my throat by a guy who I know for a fact has no compunctions about taking human life, but the idea of filing a tax return reduces me to a quivering moron? Who the hell has a brain that works like this?
Well, apparently quite a few people because you seem to have a lot of friends. So, on behalf of them, let me just say thank you. For all that you do. I'm sure they hate you too. But don't take it personally. It isn't really YOU they hate, but rather the weakness inside them that taking you represents. I hope this helps.
Love,
StP
P.S. If you see Effexor, tell him I gave his ties to Goodwill. I got tired of waiting for him to come get them and Prozac kept asking questions about them.Praise Tiamat,
StP
We've been seeing each other for a while now. I know you probably feel taken for granted, and I wish I could say that was all in your head but I'd be lying. I know I've taken you for granted. I mean, we cross paths almost every day and I just pop off your lip and throw one or two of you down my throat and wash you away with some grapefruit juice or iced tea, all the time assuming you'll make the little beast in my chest stop clawing at the back of my ribs. Never once do I take a moment to say thank you, or to show any sign of appreciation for what you do for me. In fact, I make jokes about it. One of them, most commonly, is that I don't take you for my protection, I take it for everyone else's. Yeah, funny, I know. But not to you.
The truth it, Ativan, that I love you. Which is conflicting, because I also hate you. No, hear me out. I don't hate you because of anything you did. I hate you because I need you. See, we're all taught that we should be able to manage everything life throws at us. And we do. Until we can't. Some of us have this thing inside us. It's so strange, really. I'm generally regarded as one of the more fearless of my friends and family. Always have been. Big things don't scare me a bit. Falling off a cliff, getting in a plane crash, dying in a fire, being shot...none of it bothers me that much. But stubbing my toe, bouncing a check, missing a bill, or getting a nasty phone call from a collection agency, those KILL me.
What the hell is up with that, Ativan? No, you tell me you're the expert.
It's completely irrational, and stupid. And I don't want my brain to be stupid or irrational. Brains are supposed to be smart. They are supposed to make sense. Why am I not the least bit afraid of getting in a car crash WHILE the car is spinning out of control, but terrified of a papercut? I can have a knife pointed directly at my throat by a guy who I know for a fact has no compunctions about taking human life, but the idea of filing a tax return reduces me to a quivering moron? Who the hell has a brain that works like this?
Well, apparently quite a few people because you seem to have a lot of friends. So, on behalf of them, let me just say thank you. For all that you do. I'm sure they hate you too. But don't take it personally. It isn't really YOU they hate, but rather the weakness inside them that taking you represents. I hope this helps.
Love,
StP
P.S. If you see Effexor, tell him I gave his ties to Goodwill. I got tired of waiting for him to come get them and Prozac kept asking questions about them.Praise Tiamat,
StP
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