Matador Network's Blog, page 2310

You're pronouncing gyro wrong

The only negative consequence of the TV show Seinfeld was the propagation of the mispronunciation of the word “gyro.” They jokingly called them “jy-ros” instead of the proper “euros” (like the currency), and ever since, I’ve rarely heard the word properly said. That’s the problem with subtle humor, I suppose, but FoodBeastTV has fortunately put together a video to educate people how to properly pronounce their food. Do you call pho “fo”? Do you call hors d’oeuvres hors-duh-oovers (admittedly, I occasionally call them that when I want to annoy someone I think is being pretentious, and I’ll call croissants “quassons” when I’m trying to seem pretentious myself)?

Learn how to say these foods properly. I was surprised at how many things I was pronouncing incorrectly, and was also slightly disappointed that they didn’t include an explanation of why New Yorkers and New Jersians pronounce capicola as “gabagool.” But check it out nonetheless. [image error]

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Charleston: Best college town ever

Photo: Joseph Nienstedt

I chose to attend the College of Charleston (CofC) because a guy at Yo Burrito offered to buy me shots after a harrowing campus tour. It was raining, and I listened to two guys named Colby and Colby, both dressed in matching douchebag Lacoste polos and boat shoes, talk about their latest sailing trip.

“I never want to go to college!” I cried into my taco salad, after my mother stormed out, rightfully embarrassed. Once the bartender decided he didn’t care that he was offering alcohol to a minor, I sat there and thought, The people are really nice here. I think I’ll apply.

Charleston is one of the most underrated college towns in America, which I guess makes it the ultimate college town, because it’s so off the radar that when people come to visit, their minds explode from how chill-yet-messed-up this place is. It’s sort of like, “How can you be so polite after puking all over my Tory Burch sandals? I don’t understand, but I like it!”

It’s BEAUTIFUL everywhere, always.

Charleston’s charming as hell. We like our buildings painted in pastel colors, our greenery perfectly landscaped, and our fountains copper-penny-and-piss-free. Residents respect this beauty, and the city is fairly clean. Lots of famous movies, like The Notebook, and Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, were filmed here. Even the ghetto areas are gorgeous, by comparison.

The architecture is ill.

A local ordinance requires homes be maintained in their original style, meaning the outer facades can’t be modified to the extent they lose their original historic value. This means every building you enter has been there since forever, every place has a history, and you feel like you’ve stepped back in time simply by walking down the block.

There’s a serious lack of student housing at CofC; most students move off-campus their sophomore year, reaping the benefits of living in historic houses. Charleston is a wet dream for nostalgic types, which is basically anyone born between 1986 and 1999 (’90s kids unite!).

The locals are so nice.

Coming from NYC, where everyone is an asshole, it’s a dream to see people smiling, saying “please” and “thank you” in a non-sarcastic way, and offering to hold the door for you. People go out of their way to help you if you’re lost, and even the homeless people won’t get mad at you for not giving them change. It makes for a really pleasant college experience; even if no one takes you seriously because of your age, they’ll do it with a smile.

The college has a ratio of 40:60 males to females.

Gentlemen, your chances of getting laid are quite good. Ladies, your chances of snagging a partner (male or female) depend on how well you can make fried chicken.

And those females are some of the best looking on the planet.

The people of Charleston are consistently voted “the most attractive people in America.” Many Charlestonian women are naturally blond and sunkissed, and they all wear sundresses and high heels (even in the dead of winter). They all look like models, and they all have the cutest goddamn Southern accents in the world.

The weather is awesome, in its own way.

Charleston can be extremely muggy, but that’s why we have air conditioning. And I’ll take stifling heat and sunny days over shoveling and having to wear bulky layers of winter clothing. When it does snow in Charleston, everything shuts down and the entire city gets a snowday, not just schools. And when it rains, sometimes it floods the streets, and people break out their kayaks to get around. Charlestonians make the best of their climate annoyances, because they’re too laid back to give it more thought than it takes to shuck an oyster.

There’s always a party going on somewhere.

I remember when my friends at other colleges would “live” for their weekends. “We study and work all week,” said my friend Nate, who went to Connecticut College. “We just let loose on Fridays and Saturdays.”

I didn’t get it — you mean there are places in America where people actually study? Despite that, you’ll find most people in Charleston are completely shitfaced even on a Tuesday night, yet still manage to pull off that 4.0 GPA.

There isn’t a football team.

Southern college football is certainly a way to pass the time, but it’s best left to places like USC, Clemson, and UGA, where they have the room to accommodate thousands of well-dressed drunkards. Weekends in Charleston are refreshingly free of any sort of craziness that comes with an on-location football game.

There IS a kickass basketball team.

CofC’s Cougars recently became members of the NCAA Division I Colonial Athletic Association. Charleston is also home to the Riverdogs minor league baseball team, which is partly owned by Bill Murray.

Oh yeah, and Bill Murray lives here.

Mr. Murray owns a house on Sullivan’s Island, and makes appearances around town whenever he’s in the area. He often attends CofC sports events and is pretty gracious, albeit strange, when it comes to interacting with his fans.

Everything is haunted.

Charleston is one of the most haunted cities in America, apparently. But I guess it’s because lots of fucked up shit went down here — we’ve had pirates, slaves, secession, earthquakes, and hurricanes. My college dorm was converted from an old motel that was shut down because too many people got murdered there.

Charleston has the best drunk food.

Pulled pork sandwiches, fried green tomatoes, shrimp and grits — that’s what drunk people in Charleston like to eat. We get off on our boozy brunches at AC’s Bar and Grill, and inhale gooey nachos at Juanita Greenbergs while downing pitchers of margaritas.

While the availability of 24-hour eateries is hard to come by, those that are open after the bars close provide some amazing drunchies. Dell’z Deli, Gee’s hot dog cart, and Gilroy’s Pizza are open-until-3am-or-later lifesavers.

Sweet Tea Vodka was basically invented here.

Firefly blows Jeremiah Weed (which is distilled in Connecticut — give me a BREAK) out of the water. Forget about mint juleps, Charlestonians drink this stuff straight out of the bottle.

It’s one of the most liberal cities in South Carolina.

The rest of the state might be home to the highest concentration of Ku Klux Klan members in the United States, but Charleston’s well known for its openness to the homosexual community, as well as its appreciation for African American and Gullah-Geechee cultures. You can catch drag shows downtown, or join one of the six historically black fraternities and sororities on campus.

Really though — we take everybody.

I have friends who are hippies and have drum circles in Marion Square. I have friends who are total Housewives of Mount Pleasant, with their polos and pearls. Charleston’s got hipsters, punks, princesses, artsy types, sports fiends, feminists, mad scientists, curing-cancer doctors, yuppies, snobs, and social activists. We have Fashion Week, a Kulture Klash, Piccolo Spoleto, and gun shows. Even if you think you fit into some kind of weirdo-niche not listed above, there’s probably a club on campus full of people just like you.

You can go to the beach pretty much all year round.

I once went swimming at Folly Beach during Thanksgiving break — the water felt like a warm bath. People go surfing all year long; it’s pretty common to find surfboards in peoples’ dorm rooms.

It’s easy to get a job here.

If you’re looking to work in the field of travel, tourism, or hospitality, Charleston is full of restaurants, bars, tour operators, and hotels that cater to travelers all year round. Even if you don’t want to do that stuff long term, you can make good money through college by waiting tables, bartending, or dressing up as a Confederate soldier and giving carriage tours to visitors jacked up on sweet tea.

Charlestonians are steadfast in their traditions.

Graduation is held every year on Mother’s Day, in the Cistern (the oldest part of CofC). Graduates dress in white tuxes or dresses, instead of polyester gowns, and carry roses down the aisle. It’s sweet to know there are places in the US where the culture and history are still very much alive.

Anyone outside of South Carolina is considered “exotic.”

People couldn’t get over how I grew up in New York City, and for the first time in my life, I was “the hot girl” because of my Italian/Czech ancestry (the closest thing to Italian in Charleston is a bottle of Prego tomato sauce). In a town full of Calhouns, Phillips, Gadsdens, Hamptons, and Hugers, any last name that ends in a vowel is automatically sexy. [image error]

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How to piss off a Man U fan

The Theatre of Dreams — what an epic label for a stadium, a modern-day coliseum for the beautiful game. Manchester United, the names of greats dribbling off the tongue, a club as synonymous with football as David Hasselhoff is with Baywatch and power ballads.

Watching games with Manchester United supporters has never been that exciting — there’s always an air of suffocating confidence in the room. Not to say they haven’t had anxious moments in the past, but those used to come in the form of nail-biting last-ditch thrillers against Europe’s footballing elite, not in 2-2 draws with the lumbering clubs at the bottom of the Premier League table. This season has changed the atmosphere in pubs and around bum-moulded sofas worldwide. The air is just as tense, but the confidence has shifted into an oppressive uncertainty. If the club stays where it is, it will be its lowest placing in the history of its time in the Premier League (which sounds worse than it is, as it was called Division 1 up until 1992).

So, if there was ever an opportunity to piss off a Manchester United fan in the last two decades, it’s today. They’re incensed with their new manager and are akin to wounded and disoriented red buffaloes. They can be found almost anywhere on Earth and are more loyal to their club than hardened patriots, so tread carefully.

Tell a Manchester United fan on Facebook you’re writing an article on how to piss off a Manchester United fan and want some feedback.

“Fuck off.” That’s the only response I received.

Say, “Oh, you mean Manchester City?”

If you bump into a red-shirted United fan in a pub or bar and other conversation seems to be going well, steer talk towards soccer (make sure you call it soccer to add a heady dose of your ignorance into the mix). Ask them what their favourite team is, seemingly oblivious to their throbbing red badge of pride. When they tell you, say you thought Manchester’s kit was light blue and that you’d also support them because you’ve seen them play and they’re a fantastic team.

Having just lauded and confused them with their rivals, smile and offer to buy them a Budweiser.

Bring them unreasonably far down to Earth.

To relegate one of the biggest clubs in the history of the sport to a battling minnow is sure to get a rise. With a completely straight face, rabbit on about how you always support the underdog because it makes the game more interesting when you root for the little guy. Especially if they have a game coming up against one of the top four clubs. It’s the perfect opportunity to say, “You definitely have a shot, because lower league teams raise their game against the big clubs.”

Then slowly sink your lips into the froth of your beer.

(If they’re English) Tell them you heard they all live in London.

It’ll be hard to feign innocence in this instance, but you could try — in all likelihood it’ll be taken for what it is. Tell them you’ve met a handful of football fans from Manchester and that they all support Manchester City as far as you know. Go on to share that your newfound Mancunian friends told you the last United fans from Manchester left a long, long time ago and all the people who support Manchester United are really from London.

Unless, of course, they live in Japan, China, USA, South Africa, Uruguay, Denmark, or the remotest villages in Papua New Guinea.

Bring up the battle for 4th place.

The top four teams in the Premier League qualify for the Champions League, and Manchester United is currently sitting in 6th. Talk about how it’s going to be a close call between all the teams above them to clinch the spot.

Then casually rope the 7th-, and even 8th-place teams into the conversation about the fight for 4th without so much as a mention of United’s chances. As a parting shot, tell them that at least they might win the league next year…the Europa League (implies not reaching 4th place).

Remind them of the records they’ve broken.

Thirteen Premier League titles in the last couple decades is quite a feat. But you’re not going to focus on those records. As your burly new amigo clutches his fragile pint glass like a stress ball, ask him if it’s true that the last time they lost to Sunderland at home was 20 years ago. Tell him that’s funny because you were six years old at the time. Then recklessly delve into some of the other records they’ve broken in their abysmal season this year.

Praise their manager and ineffectual players.

Pretend to have a deep knowledge of the game and United’s players. After throwing out a few wild formation suggestions that could improve the team’s performance, quote their new flailing manager, David Moyes: “There have been a few twists this season; hopefully we’ll get them our way in the future. You just continue doing the right things. Keep going and your luck will change, there’s no doubt about that.”

Remind your friend that there truly is no doubt involved when it comes to a thing like luck, and that you agree 100% with Sir David — all you need is a new set of luck. Maybe that’s why ex-manager Sir Alex Ferguson has been hanging out with the lead singer from Simply Red, Mick Hucknall, at games of late. Ask your friend if the ginger-topped singer is the new mascot for the team in red. Their Leprechaun-like lucky charm. But until that glorious day when luck kicks in, tell her that at least she has reliable, top quality players to keep the team afloat, like Tom Cleverly (not) and the heaven-sent return of Marouane Fellaini (the Sideshow Bob to Moyes’ Krusty the Clown) to look forward to. [image error]

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Powder for Powder: Idaho to Alaska

THE ROAD FROM IDAHO TO ALASKA is lined with powder.

Just over the Canadian border, Revelstoke and its Monashee Mountain culture is becoming the best place on Earth for helicopter skiing. From Revi and BC’s Powder Highway, the ALCAN runs for thousands of miles over frost heaves and tundra to Thompson Pass and Tailgate Alaska, to Paxon and the RV city of Arctic Man, to Haines and a mind-blowing lift into the ultimate powder playground.

For a true testament of what this journey takes, what the road ahead has in store, and what it looks like to score an Alaskan experience of epic proportions, follow Matador Ambassadors Yancy and Wyatt Caldwell as they embark on a self-documented road trip from Sun Valley, ID, north to Canada and Alaska. Loaded to the gills with gear, a couple cameras, and a truck camper to call home, these Idaho bros send it with style and strength into the great unknown, leaving powder for powder at every turn.

Caldwell Collections and Matador Network Presents

Powder for Powder: Idaho to Alaska

A 5-part adventure travel series

The post Powder for Powder: A winter pilgrimage from Idaho to Alaska [vid] appeared first on Matador Network.

Transforming your travel writing pt3

Photo: Éole Wind

This is part 3 of a 5-part series, Transforming your travel writing.

WE LOOKED EARLIER at how narrators describe (or fail to describe) other characters in their stories. To review, the most skilled writers “introduce” characters in ways that:

Give context, explaining how that character fits into the scene
Express emotion, giving a sense of the narrator’s impressions of a character (which can set up powerful opportunities for these impressions to evolve through future interaction)
Give physical details that register on a sensory level
Are built around interaction and dialogue, not just telling how the character is, but portraying them through an exchange

Today we’re going to focus on #3, physical details, and look at how, when presented carefully, they can lead to other layers, particularly expressing emotion.

So often, the physicality of a character is presented almost like a tag, something totally superficial. For example:

“The bartender was tall, tattooed, and wore a bowler cap.”

While these physical details do give us something to imagine (they’re at least one step beyond the total cardboard cutout “smiling taxi driver” or “weatherbeaten fisherman”), they still do not give any true associative information from the narrator. Can you tell from this sentence if the narrator is alienated by the bartender? Admiring? Intimidated by him?

In other words, these details do not give us a clear sense of the narrator’s first impression. But what if the narrator can add a simple association that portrays what he or she was thinking at the time? Ex:

“The bartender was tall, tattooed, and wore a bowler cap, which for some reason made me think of a vaudeville performer.”

How about now? Do we have a slightly better idea of the impression this character gave? Is there room now for this first impression to be subverted by future interactions?

But if you were this narrator, how could you really be sure that the reader gets the actual feeling — let’s say it was one of this bartender being this unexpected goofball — that you felt at the time? What about how he sounded? Can we hear his voice?

“The bartender was tall, tattooed, and wore a bowler cap, which for some reason made me think of a vaudeville performer.

“Whatchall having?” he said in an unexpectedly high and tinny Southern accent.

Note now how the bartender appears as a “real” character — a person with a voice, an accent, a certain look, and a “relationship” (albeit just via the service industry) with the narrator. While this may not be necessary with every character the narrator encounters, they definitely need your consideration if they’ll be part of any important interactions in a story (for example, the bartender will, as the night reaches closing time, regale the narrator and her friends with his life story — and that’s what makes this particular night / experience worth recounting).

Learning from a master

As with learning anything, if you want to learn how to present characters, find a mentor or master. It doesn’t matter if they’re novelists, filmmakers, artists — photographers — what matters is that they inspire you with the way they create a sense of pathos or identity with their characters.

One of my favorites is Alice Munro, a Canadian short story master who recently won the Nobel Prize in Literature. Take these examples:

She was a heavy young woman who looked as if she had given up in every department except her hair. That was blond and voluminous. All the puffed-up luxury or a cocktail waitress’s style, or stripper’s, on top of such a workaday face and body.

- from “The Bear Came Over the Mountain”

What sense does the narrator have of this woman? Does he see her in a way that seems inferior / judgmental? Is he simply evaluating her as a potential sexual conquest? (Note that the protagonist of this story — and the point of view through which the narrator is “seeing” this woman — is an aging philanderer.)

She occupied herself by pretending that she was seeing him for the first time, now. His curly, short-cropped, very dark hair receding at the temples, baring the smooth gold-tinged ivory skin. His wide, sharp shoulders and long, fine limbs and nicely shaped rather small skull. He smiled enchantingly but never strategically and seemed to distrust smiling altogether since he had become a teacher of boys. Faint lines of permanent fret were set in his forehead.

- from “What Is Remembered”

Note the emotional associations evoked in these physical descriptions. What is this narrator really considering in her view (as a middle-aged wife) of her husband? What can we tell about her own dreams and desires through the way she notices the “faint lines” in his forehead or the way he seems to “distrust” smiling?

One last example, my favorite, shows that physical descriptions do not have to be long and complex to convey very powerful associations. The story “Hateship, Friendship, Courtship, Loveship, Marriage” opens with a protagonist, Johanna, and the strong sense of her being a big-boned, homely woman in the midst of some as-yet undisclosed move across the country. All of her interactions with other characters build up a sense of her as this very undesirable, difficult woman, which of course sets up a huge potential for events later in the story to develop and subvert these first impressions.

A less skilled writer might take a character like this and reduce her to a template, describing her as being “loud” or “rude” or “overweight.” But Munro makes it so subtle and visceral. During a conversation with a train conductor, when asking about shipping her furniture, the woman is described this way:

Her teeth were crowded to the front of her mouth as if they were ready for an argument.

In later parts to this series, we’ll look at other elements for transforming your travel writing. For now, consider how the physical descriptions you give characters give rise to emotional associations, a sense of the character as a real person, not just a cardboard cutout. [image error]

Editor’s note: This lesson is excerpted from new and forthcoming curricula at MatadorU’s Travel Writing program.

The post Transforming your travel writing, pt. 3: Emotional associations appeared first on Matador Network.

Watch the history of the earth

When I was a kid, a bunch of Buddhist monks came through our town and spent weeks creating an intricate, massive, beautiful sand mandala. Their work was painstaking: they were using toothpicks on this giant circle with a 30-foot radius. Then, once they finished, they sat back to enjoy their work for a bit, and then took out straws and blew the whole thing away. I remember asking my mother why they would do that, and she told me it was the whole point: to show that nothing is permanent, and that everything that’s beautiful exists only in the span of a couple of moments.

Which is why it feels natural to me that the history of the planet earth should be depicted through the medium of sand art, by artist Jin Ly. If you’ve never seen sand art, check it out: it’s an artform that requires rapid but precise hand movement, and is incredibly cool to watch. [image error]

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50 things you probably didn’t know about the 50 states

A few years back I took a month-long train trip around the United States. After an unsettling experience, where a slightly unhinged woman sitting next to me explained how the NSA was beaming porn directly into her head for four hours straight, I decided that I needed to come up with an effective way to get people to leave me alone. The answer I came up with? Rattling off extraneous trivia about random things. It worked out perfectly for me, because I kind of love trivia.

So if you’re like me and need to keep crazy people from telling you about watching NSA porn (or, you know, if you’re just into state trivia), check out Mental Floss’s video on 50 great pieces of trivia on the 50 states. It should keep the crazies at bay for at least a little while. [image error]

The post 50 things you probably didn’t know about the 50 states appeared first on Matador Network.

1 more reason to end marijuana prohibition: Environmental impact from pot farms

Pretty eye-opening Google Earth footage here and some common-sense analysis by environmental sociologist Anthony Silvaggio, who narrates this flyover of the impact from industrial scale pot growers. Bottom line: Because marijuana prohibition has created a situation where present-day laws are all over the map, there is no legitimate industry regulation.

According to some estimates, the 3-6 gallons of water necessary to grow each plant–when multiplied by thousands of plants in industrial scale operations–may account for 20% to 30% of the net flows of local waterways in low-water years.

As with everything else, do you know where your ‘produce’ comes from?

Feature image by eggrole.

The post 1 more reason to end marijuana prohibition: Environmental impact from pot farms appeared first on Matador Network.

The social conscience of the Oscars

WHEN THE ACADEMY AWARD nominations are announced every January, there are inevitable outcries from the people watching: “No way that movie was better than this other one I saw!” “I can’t believe they snubbed her again!” “When are they going to nominate that incredible voice-over performance?”

But every so often, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences does something historically or socially valuable, as in 1939 when African-American actress Hattie McDaniel was awarded Best Supporting Actress for Gone With the Wind, or when Marlee Matlin — who is deaf — won Best Actress in 1986. To see someone accept such a glamorous, high-profile award in American Sign Language was a landmark moment in disability representation.

Paying enough attention to the Oscars, however inconsistent they may be, can sometimes mean seeing something progressive and important on international television.

This year, many of the nominated films highlight significant and underrepresented issues. The most prominent is Steve McQueen’s beautiful, tragic adaptation of Solomon Northup’s 1853 autobiography 12 Years a Slave, now nominated for nine Academy Awards. McQueen’s movie is a brutal tale of the kidnapping, enslavement, and abuse that Solomon — a former free black man in the pre-Civil War US — undergoes at the hands of several white men and women. The director, lead actor Chiwetel Ejiofor, and writer John Ridley don’t shy away from some of the most horrific acts of torture in any historical feature ever: the rape and beatings of a young female fieldhand (Patsey, played by Lupita Nyong’o) and Solomon’s lynching at the hands of a psychotic plantation overseer. In refusing to flinch at these sights, 12 Years a Slave has been called the “Schindler’s List of slave films,” in that it matches aesthetic beauty to a story of deep sadness, humanity, and ultimately, of hard-earned freedom.

Another major awards contender, Dallas Buyers Club, deals with the HIV/AIDS crisis in the form of a partnership between homophobic sleazebag Ron Woodroof (first-time Oscar nominee [!!] Matthew McConaughey) and transgender HIV-positive Rayon (Jared Leto). The Academy has a history with HIV-related social activist films, giving significant wins and nominations to films like Philadelphia, Longtime Companion, and How to Survive a Plague. But few movies have brought the deep-seated, ignorant discrimination of the LGBTQ community in US society (and, as the film explores, our federal and state policy) to the fore so openly. As Woodroof evolves from opportunistic leech — selling off-the-grid pharmaceuticals to HIV/AIDS victims around the world — to unintentional Queer Rights advocate, the movie earns as many smiles as it does tears. It seems to be a happier world when the Rayons and the Ron Woodroofs can work for the betterment of humanity.

Perhaps the most important and surprising human rights concerns of the 2014 nominees crop up in the Best Documentary category. Joshua Oppenheimer’s truly disturbing The Act of Killing shows the 1965 Indonesian genocide and continuing historical oppression of the country from the perspective of several key murderers, militants, and psychopaths living without punishment. Oppenheimer’s movie has made such an impact around the world that human rights complaints have been filed since with multiple international policing organizations; and his documentary’s subjects, including “king gangsters” Anwar Congo and Herman Koto, experience moments of poetic comeuppance for their unspeakable crimes.

Another amazing film in the same category, The Square, provides a complex discussion of the ongoing Egyptian revolution that began in 2011. Jehane Noujaim’s film is in fact the most illuminating and honest presentation of a frightening, chaotic situation in modern-day Egypt — watching the movie, one gets the impression of watching a key historical document.

That the Academy should nominate these films, along with several other social-issue movies — like Philomena, about child abuse and corrupt clergy in the Catholic Church; and Dirty Wars, Jeremy Scahill’s investigative documentary on America’s covert military operations around the planet — in 2014 should not be dismissed. The Oscars are one of the most-watched programs on international television, so to see these and other prominent subjects highlighted in the nominated movies means more people will be introduced to the problems at hand — awareness will be raised.

Admittedly, there are years where watching the awards ceremony feels like a trial of our collective patience and interest. But in 2014, it just might be that tuning into the Academy Awards could change your life and others’ lives for the better.

The post Why you might become a better person by watching this year’s Oscar nominees appeared first on Matador Network.

7 signs you're from Pittsburgh

Photo: clyde

1. You are and/or know a yinzer.

Pittsburgh, like the cities of Boston and New York, has its own dialect — most recognizable by the word yinz (plural for “you,” derived from “you ones”). Thus the yinzer is a Pittsburgh native who speaks with the accent and vocabulary unique to this area. You can tell a yinzer by the vowels: double Es become I, and Os are always a nasal AH sound. A yinzer preparing for a Sunday out will say, “Hey yinz, I’m gonna go take a shaher before we go dahntahn n watcha Stillers n’at.”

The yinzer is a dwindling breed. My parents are yinzers, yet I am not. Luckily, there are still a few parts of the city where the accent is alive and well. A map of Pittsburgh highlighting yinzer habitat would look much like a bullseye, with high yinzer activity taking place in the city and outlying areas. The suburbs are sadly mostly yinzer-free.

2. You save a parking spot outside your house with a lawn chair.

In many of the older city neighborhoods, street parking is scarce, and not many homes have driveways. Simple solution: Claim the space in front of your house with an old lawn chair. Nobody will dare move it. Yinzer code.

3. Everything you eat has fries on it.

In Pittsburgh, we love our fries. But we prefer them not on the side, but on top of our food. On all our food. Of course you’ll see this at Primanti Bros., the most famous dive restaurant chain in the Burgh — imagine chewy Italian bread loaded with grilled meat, melted cheese, crispy fries, and vinaigrette coleslaw. But the Pittsburgh steak salad, found everywhere, also better come topped with a mountain of golden fried potatoes.

4. You bleed Black and Gold.

You can’t survive socially in Pittsburgh without some knowledge of how our teams are doing. My husband learned this quickly when he moved to Pittsburgh from England. After years of thinking American football was just a pansy version of rugby, he quickly became a fan of our beloved Steelers. Otherwise, what would he talk about on wintry Monday mornings? Soon, that carried over into baseball and (his favorite) hockey.

Most yinzers follow our teams passionately, to the point where most people you see outside are wearing some form of Pittsburgh sports clothing. Added benefit: You’ll never forget where you are.

5. You can change over three lanes of busy traffic in six seconds.

Heading into the south side of the city from the north, you must cross the Fort Duquesne Bridge. You enter from the left and exit on the right all in about 300 feet. Oh, and there’s also people entering from the right that must exit left. No sweat.

Immediately after exiting the bridge, you then must merge onto the Fort Pitt Bridge from the right, and cross three lanes of traffic to enter the tunnel on the left, while avoiding the traffic entering from the left that needs to exit right. This time, you might have about 400 feet. A true yinzer can do this all with a Primanti’s sandwich in hand and not even drop a fry.

6. You know the view from Mt. Washington is the best skyline vista in the country.

I mean, just look at it.

7. You’re proud of where you’re from, even if nobody else gets it.

The name Pittsburgh often conjures images of smog, smokestacks, and steel mills. This is the Pittsburgh of the past. Today’s Pittsburgh is clean and green — there’s mountain biking in the city’s large parks and kayaking on the three rivers. World-class hospitals in the Burgh employ some of the best doctors in the country, and even Google’s moved into the neighborhood.

Though the mills closed a long time ago, my city owns its heritage. The industrial history lives on in the collective personality of the citizens. We’re proud of who we are: A down-to-earth,

friendly, great big small town.

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