Matador Network's Blog, page 2274

English: The only language you need

Photo: kris krüg

In college, I majored in Linguistic Anthropology. I speak five languages — English, Spanish, French, Czech, and Italian. And whenever I travel, I usually make it a point to learn at least a few polite words in the language of the host country I’m in.

Except for Norway. I had planned on learning my ‘basic five’ — hello, goodbye, please, thank you, and Do you speak English? — but the days stacked up with work, and any free time I had prior to the trip was spent with friends and family. I failed to learn anything beyond takk (thanks), and when I got off at Oslo Gardermoen airport, I figured this was going to be a very difficult trip.

* * *

I’ve never not known how to speak the local language.

When I moved to Prague to begin my study abroad program, I spent hours, whole days even, trying to perfect my Czech.

“I don’t think I’ll bother learning Czech,” a fellow student had said, when we were about to board our transatlantic flight. “No one speaks it outside of the Czech Republic. What’s the point, really?”

I stared at her, shocked, disgusted. What’s the point? The point is to show respect for a place that’s not your own. The point is to prove to the world that Americans don’t take other cultures for granted, and that we’re capable of trying to be multilingual, especially when there are people in developing nations who don’t have running water, but could ask for a drink in three or more different ways.

The point is, that every other person in the world learns at least some English before they arrive in the United States. Most of them speak it better than I do. It’s only fair that, as native English speakers, we should do the same.

Knowing at least a little of the host language has gotten me quite far in the past. It’s helped me purchase goods at local prices in the markets of Accra. It comes in handy when trying to get picked up by sexy men in Buenos Aires. I know that if I at least attempt to communicate with people in a form familiar to them, they won’t see me as another American stereotype.

It’s sad, but you can’t deny the McDonalds-eating, faded-blue-jean-wearing, “WHY CAN’T THEY SPEAK GERD DAMN ANGLISH?!” American traveler is very much alive and well. By speaking Spanish in Mexico, Japanese in Japan, and Uzbek in Uzbekistan, maybe I can show the world a different side of my culture.

* * *

The first time I had to rely on speaking English was at the duty-free cash register at the Oslo airport. Here we go, I gulped. Time to look like an insensitive idiot who didn’t bother trying to learn a lick of Norwegian, not even a greeting or two.

“Can I see your boarding pass?” the cashier asked, once I stared at her first Norwegian-spoken request, blank-faced. We exchanged words in English for the rest of the Aquavit purchasing ordeal.

I felt dirty. I felt like my years of training in other languages, and developing an acute ear for picking out dialects and accents, had been all for naught. I hung my head as I walked away, wondering how I’d ever get to my rented apartment if I didn’t know how to ask for directions.

Maybe it’s less about knowing how to conjugate verbs, and more about just not being an asshole.

I try not to assume that the people I interact with can speak English. I think it’s something too many people think is a “given,” and it gets them into trouble. It didn’t matter to me that Scandinavian countries lead the rest of the world in English as a Second Language fluency — if Norwegians were capable of learning English, I was capable of learning Norwegian.

But the more I didn’t speak Norwegian, the more comfortable I felt speaking English to everyone else. I wasn’t really met with animosity for the language I used. Only once did someone roll their eyes at my failure to comprehend what they had said, and even then I didn’t feel so bad, because that’s just a rude thing to do in any culture.

I realized that, while it’s awesome to go all-out and try to become fluent in ten languages, the reality is, English is spoken everywhere. Maybe it really isn’t necessary to “trick” locals into thinking I’m one of them, if it’s only for a week-long vacation. Maybe people can get by in another country just by being as polite as they are at home.

Maybe it’s less about knowing how to conjugate verbs, and more about just not being an asshole.

People from the United States have a huge advantage — in most cases, wherever we choose to travel, someone, somewhere, will be able to communicate with us. Not everyone can say the same.

Do we take it for granted? Absolutely. Does it make us bad travelers? I don’t think so. I think there’s more to travel than trying to blend in. It would be nice to be a walking Tower of Babel, but I don’t think we need to beat ourselves up whenever we think an episode of miscommunication has tarnished part of our travel experience.

Maybe that person who works at the Eiffel Tower isn’t insulted that you don’t speak French; maybe she just hates her job, and that’s why she comes off as being less than thrilled to be selling you a ticket.

I ended my trip to Norway the same way it had begun — without learning any Norwegian whatsoever. I had to have menus translated for me. I couldn’t pronounce tram stops correctly. I relied heavily on pictures to help me figure out what the hell I was buying at the grocery store (Norway has many different types of milk), and even then, I wasn’t always successful.

But I did it with a smile, and with lots of apologizing. I still had some very cool cultural exchanges, and I still had an epic time traveling through a new city. Would it have been better if I had spoken only Norwegian?

Maybe. I would have been able to eavesdrop better.

The post The only language you need to know is English, really appeared first on Matador Network.

6 eco-challenges in Southeast Asia

Elephants in Chiang Mai. Photo: Eddy Milfort

SOUTHEAST ASIA IS OBJECTIVELY one of the most beautiful regions on Earth — it’s covered in dense jungle, it’s peppered with gorgeous beaches, and it’s full of incredible wildlife. It also has some spectacular urban centers, recently stimulated by massive economic growth.

Unfortunately, the act of pulling people out of poverty and into the developed world often comes at the expense of the local environment. This is true of all countries in this scenario, but it’s particularly acute for Southeast Asian nations, as their economies — especially the tourism sector — depend so fundamentally on pristine natural resources.

Most of the environmental issues in Southeast Asia are inextricably linked, and working to ameliorate one will often have added benefits for the others. Here are some of the problems, and some things you personally can do to help.

1. Endangered species conservation

The problem: Southeast Asia sits almost entirely in the tropics, and as such, is covered in rich, dense, biologically diverse jungle. As a result of a wide number of factors — from poaching to deforestation — many native species are endangered. One of the most prominent of these species is the Asian elephant. The total number of Asian elephants in the world has sadly fallen to below 30,000, down from 100,000 at the beginning of the 20th century in Thailand alonesrc.

Photo: Dennis Jarvis

Asian elephants are endangered for a number of reasons: First, they have been subject to ivory poaching. Though elephant poaching is illegal, there’s still plenty of demand for ivory, so it happens anyway. Second, they have experienced widespread habitat destruction, which simultaneously makes it harder to get food, and puts elephants into much more contact with humans, which can often result in the death of either the human or the elephant.

Elephants are by no means the only endangered species in Southeast Asia — the Sumatran tiger, the orangutan, and the Javan rhinoceros all face the threat of extinction. Some estimate that over 40% of all plant and animal species in Southeast Asia could go extinct during the 21st centurysrc.

How you can help: The name of the game here is conservation. In the broader scale, this means cracking down on poaching and supporting nature preserves. To help stop poaching, you can do a number of things: Never buy ivory or any other product obtained from an endangered species. Limiting demand is one of the first steps to ending poaching. You can also support organizations like the World Wildlife Fund that supply and support anti-poaching patrols.

Nature preserves are another partial solution. They provide a protected sanctuary for animals, and an area that is more or less safe from habitat destruction. You can support them by either donating to one of them specifically, or by going and visiting them yourself. Also, educate yourself!

2. Air pollution

The problem: Air pollution is a global problem, but Southeast Asia does have among the worst air pollution in the world, only behind East Asia and Indiasrc. The region is prone to relatively frequent “hazes,” which are the result of widespread fires. These fires are generally started intentionally by either small-scale farmers or companies trying to clear land of trees so they can exploit it the following year.

Slash-and-burn haze over the Indonesian island of Sumatra. Photo: NASA Goddard Space Flight Center

The hazes in Southeast Asia have become an increasingly frequent occurrence and can spread across many countries, causing serious health and safety concerns. The 2013 haze — mostly originating from fires in Indonesia — caused problems in Singapore, Brunei, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia. During hazes, it can be hazardous to even go outside, so often cities will shut down, adding economic costs to the list of consequences.

How you can help: Air pollution is not a simple problem to solve, and in terms of fighting hazes in Southeast Asia, it’s even more difficult if you’re not living there. That said, we all share the same atmosphere, and working to reduce pollution where you are is useful to everyone on the planet. Work to conserve energy in your home, and try to reduce your overall carbon footprint (which, to be honest, is one of the best things you can do for pretty much all of the items on this list).

You can also support palm oil companies — among the worst offenders of the Indonesian slash-and-burn haze fires — that have zero-burn policies, and that refuse to work with third parties who use slash-and-burn techniques. Environmentalist and international pressure have already resulted in the world’s largest palm oil corporation, Wilmar International, taking such a step. You can also support organizations that push zero-burn policies.

3. Destruction of coral reefs

The problem: Southeast Asia is known for its incredible coral reefs, and, subsequently, its incredible diving. The area known as the “Coral Triangle” — mostly centered on the islands of Oceania — is the most biologically diverse marine environment in the worldsrc. Unfortunately, the reefs of Southeast Asia have been seriously degraded over the past several decades.

This is the result of several factors: First, the ocean absorbs about a quarter of all the carbon dioxide we put into the atmosphere each yearsrc. While this actually helps reduce the effects of global warming temporarily, it also means that more of that carbon is going to be converted into carbonic acid, increasing the ocean’s acidity level over time. This acidification fundamentally weakens coral reefs, making them more prone to disease, and less likely to recover from disturbances.

A brain coral showing signs of bleaching. Photo: Carson

The second factor is overfishing. Not only does the widespread removal of fish species harm the coral reef ecosystem, but many of the methods used to catch the fish harm the system itself, such as blast fishing (the use of dynamite), and cyanide fishing (using sodium cyanide to stun the fish and capture them for personal aquariums).

A third factor is actually dive tourism. When divers visit coral reefs, they’ll often interfere with the ecosystem in a way that can damage it — whether by walking on the reefs or taking specimens home for themselves.

How you can help: There are a number of things you can do to protect Southeast Asian (and virtually all) coral reefs. The first, obviously, is to try and reduce your carbon footprint. Less carbon in the air means less carbon in the ocean, which means less carbonic acid damaging coral reefs. You can do this by simply driving less and walking or biking more, and by reducing your energy consumption.

If you’re an aquarium owner, make sure you’re buying ethically bred or captured fish — never buy cyanide-captured reef fish. Another important action to take is to ensure you’re eating seafood ethically. While this may mean reducing the seafood you eat, it doesn’t mean you have to cut fish out of your diet entirely — just make yourself aware of what fish in your area are the most sustainable to eat.

And finally, if you go diving at any of these reefs, be sure to use a dive operator that’s focused on sustainability and is aware of the threats to their local reef. The standard rule is, “Take only pictures, leave only bubbles.” If you’re in the area for a while, try volunteering in reef cleanups.

4. Deforestation

The problem: As cities and populations grow, more land area is needed. Often, this area is created out of forests. In Southeast Asia specifically, given its position in the tropics, much of the forest that’s destroyed is rainforest, one of the most biologically diverse ecosystems on the planet. Rainforests are not only home to more than half of the world’s plant and animal speciessrc, but they also provide over a quarter of our natural medicinessrc, and they absorb over a quarter of our planet’s carbon dioxidesrc.

Deforestation in Riau province, Indonesia. Photo: Wakx

So naturally, the effects of deforestation of rainforests can be catastrophic — not only does it destroy plant and animal habitats, but it also accelerates climate change and potentially deprives us of undiscovered life-saving medicines. Deforestation isn’t an easily solved problem either. Often, it happens because poor families need more space to plant their crops or simply need wood for fuel, or it may be a side effect of unintentional wildfires.

How you can help: Stopping deforestation altogether is not possible as long as there’s population growth. But there are ways to do it sustainably. For example, we can create international carbon offset programs. The best way for you to help push for this is to call your local representative, or to support an organization working on carbon offset campaigns. You can also make sure you’re buying recycled wood, or are buying from companies that commit to zero deforestation policies.

5. Water security

The problem: The world as a whole may well be close to reaching “peak water,” the point where we start consuming fresh water faster than it can be replenished. In few places is this concern as acute as it is in Southeast Asia. First off, the Himalayan glaciers that serve as the sources for many of the major Asian rivers — including the Mekong, which passes through China, Myanmar, Laos, Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam — are melting faster due to global warming, and rivers such as the Mekong are already heavily dammed, which gives countries upriver huge power over the water supply for downriver nations. As much of this water is used in the growth of crops, this raises food security issues as wellsrc.

The Mekong in Thailand. Photo: Fredrik Thommesen

Of the fresh water that is readily available, much of it is polluted or inadequately sanitized. Indonesia is the worst in the region, with only 30% of city residents and 10% of village residents having access to clean watersrc.

How you can help: This ties in yet again to the other environmental problems listed here. If we take serious action to stop climate change, we can at least cut back on the melting of Himalayan glaciers, while also preventing droughts. Slowing deforestation also makes soil erosion, landslides, and flooding less likely.

On a smaller level, if you’re visiting Southeast Asia, you can participate in voluntourism projects that focus on river cleanup, or on helping install water sanitation in villages that may not have access to clean water otherwise.

6. Increased urbanization

The problem: Southeast Asia is not immune to the global shift away from rural living and towards city living, and this shift carries a good number of potential environmental consequences, especially if it’s not guided by smart and sustainable policies. Urbanization can result in overcrowding, pollution, poor sanitation, and political instability — which in turn could lead to violent conflict, which is never good for the environment. Additionally, if cities are planned poorly, massive urban sprawl is often the result, which in Southeast Asia would bring about more deforestation, habitat destruction, and carbon emissions.

Photo: Prachanart Viriyaraks

On top of this, city dwellers tend to have higher levels of consumption of food, energy, and goods than those living in rural areas, which would naturally put more of a strain on resourcessrc.

How you can help: Urbanization isn’t a totally lost cause — much of the potential environmental harm depends on the behavior of the city dwellers rather than the mere existence of the city. Cities that are planned sustainably are going to produce less of an environmental impact, and cities with low poverty levels can prevent the creation and sprawl of shantytowns, which are sanitation and pollution nightmares.

Some of the things you personally can do is support local small businesses by using poverty-reducing microlending sites like Kiva and Zidisha, and by supporting organizations that foster sustainable development.

Here’s your chance to give back and promote socially responsible travel to Southeast Asia. The Tourism Authority of Thailand is giving three groups of friends the opportunity to explore Thailand and participate in volunteer community projects that are helping make the world a better place. Enter today for your chance to win.

The post 6 environmental challenges facing Southeast Asia (and what you can do to help) appeared first on Matador Network.

Giving is a concept I struggle with

Photo: Λ |_ ν-\ Γ Ø

Giving was a concept my mother tried to instill in me when I was young, but for some odd reason it never quite stuck. If I learned anything from birthdays it was this: It was much, much better to receive than to give.

The first time I gave (willingly) to someone, I was 12. Our family had traveled from North Carolina to Virginia Beach for a craft show. I was helping dad pack up for the day when an old black man in an Acapulco shirt approached me.

“Hey,” he said. “Remember me? It’s Pappy!” I didn’t remember this Pappy fellow. How did he know me? “Say, youngblood, won’t you lend old Pappy a dollar.”

A classmate asked me for ten cents and I’d tell him to get lost. But Pappy had me under a spell. Nobody that old had ever asked me for money. Dad was hanging back, watching as I pulled out my velcro wallet and handed old Pappy a dollar.

Pappy shook my hand, and when he was gone dad came up and, in a curious tone, said, “Why did you give him a dollar?”

“He said his name was Pappy. I felt like I knew him.” I felt very foolish.

Twelve years later I was in the strange town of Austin, Nevada. I’d recently quit my first job after college and was cruising around the country, finding myself. Half-crazed from driving and loneliness, I parked on Main Street and took a walk around.

I’d locked my keys in the car. The police didn’t carry slim jims. “They took ‘em away from us,” said the cop behind the desk. “We scratched too many cars.” He wrote down the name and address of a man named Jeremiah. “He can do just about anything,” said the cop.

I climbed a hill and found Jeremiah on a ladder inside a gutted house. He had a beard and very kind blue eyes. “Hello, brother,” he said upon seeing me at the doorway.

I told him my predicament and, after some convincing, we walked toward my car. I don’t know why, but I told him about a girl I was seeing, and how I maybe wanted to be a writer, something I’d never told anyone. I told him this as he broke into my car, popping the lock with a coat hanger.

“Thanks,” I said, and offered him a 20, which for me was a lot.

“No,” he said. “You keep that. Instead, I want you to do me a favor.”

“Okay…”

“Do something kind for someone else. That’s how you can repay me.”

I put my wallet away. Once again I felt very foolish.

It didn’t escape my attention that the universe had arranged this situation, and once again I’d blown it.

Recently, I was clearing out the bottles from my Düsseldorf apartment to return to the market. While placing them in a bag, I found a fortune stuck to the bottom of a beer bottle, which was weird. I hadn’t had Chinese food in a while, let alone a fortune cookie, but there it was.

“IF YOU CONTINUALLY GIVE,” it read, “YOU WILL CONTINUALLY HAVE.”

The message stayed with me as I walked to the market. Where did it come from? Was it a sign?

I was in the cleaning supplies section, looking for dish detergent, when a very old woman came slowly down the aisle. She had grey hair to her shoulders and a shabby pink sweater. In her hands she carried a glossy gossip magazine.

“Guten tag,” she said, stopping beside me. Her eyes were like wet marbles. A single tear had rolled down her face. She didn’t know it was there. She said something in German that I didn’t understand, and then asked for money, which I understood perfectly.

“Zehn euro, bitte.” She was asking for ten euros (almost $14 US).

Dumbfounded, I explained that I didn’t have that much. She searched my face and asked where I was from. I told it, and she tried to bargain me down to nine.

“I want to buy this magazine,” she said, “…and some flowers.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, and walked across the store. As I fed the bottles into the bottle machine, I remembered the fortune and thought, This is too strange to be a coincidence. Suddenly I felt very foolish. It didn’t escape my attention that the universe had arranged this situation, and once again I’d blown it.

After collecting my deposit slip, I decided to follow the old woman. From behind the eggs, I watched her ask a woman in high heels and jeans for ten euro. She said no, as did the man in the pasta aisle. She even approached one of the stock boys. She was anything if not persistent. I thought for sure someone would give her the money, as Germans are usually quite charitable. But nobody did.

I followed her over to the periodicals rack, where she’d returned her gossip magazine. Casually I walked over and said, “Oh, hello again. Any luck?”

She raised her hands as if to say, Hey, what can you do?

“Here,” I said, and handed her enough to buy either the magazine or flowers.

“Five euros more?” she said, raising an eyebrow. The tear was still on her face.

“Bitte schön,” I said, which basically means you’re welcome.

“Danke,” she said.

She eyed the magazine, then walked over to the flower kiosk. As she picked out a small bouquet of roses, I wondered what she was thinking. What kind of person did she think I was? Did she think I was a successful writer who enjoyed handing out money to strangers? Did she assume young people owed her something? Did she think I was being a cheapskate? Should I have given more, or could it be that this whole experience was just practice?

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Massive aurora borealis [video]

The aurora borealis — or Northern Lights, as it’s commonly known — is one of the most surreal natural phenomena out there. It’s also relatively unpredictable, a result of solar winds hitting Earth’s magnetic field, and some solar winds are calmer than others. So if you’re trying to plan a trip to, say, Iceland in the winter, and are just taking a few days there with the intent of catching the Northern Lights, you could very well go home without seeing anything, or catching only very weak, mild auroras.

That’s not the case for the makers of this film, taken in Russia. They caught a gigantic aurora on film, and it’s just as incredible as you’d expect.

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7 iconic American road trip routes

THERE ARE OVER 160,000 MILES of highway in the United States. When you’re setting out on your road trip this summer, you could certainly just pick a route at random and probably have an awesome time. Or, if you want a sure thing, take on one of these iconic road trips and find out why they’re considered American classics.

1. Route 66

Ah, the Mother Road. This Illinois-California route was wildly popular post-WWII, and it still has that old-timey nostalgia even today, as evidenced by the stops on this specially curated Route 66 Roadside Icons trip.

Images: 1) Randy Heinitz 2) Thomas Hawk 3) Randy Heinitz

2. Pacific Coast Highway

This All-American road is literally right on the California coast, so it offers some pretty stunning scenery, plus there’s tons of great stops along the way from Legget, across the Golden Gate Bridge, through Big Sur, and down into LA and San Diego.

Images: 1) terratrekking 2) Eric Demarcq 3) jason jenkins

3. Extraterrestrial Highway

Looking for a more offbeat trip? Even though we can’t really travel into space (yet), you can at least travel the Extraterrestrial Highway (aka Nevada State Route 375). It takes you through some pretty unremarkable desert, where some pretty remarkable (alleged) alien encounters have occurred. While we can’t guarantee a close encounter, we can help you find the most out-of-this-world spots with this guide to one of America’s weirdest roads.

Images: 1) John Biehler 2) James Marvin Phelps 3) InSapphoWeTrust

4. Oregon Trail

Had a hard time beating the game? Your chances of dying of dysentery while taking this trip in real life are a lot slimmer. This route (best traveled in a Conestoga wagon) will guide you through history and through some of America’s most gorgeous Western scenery. This guide, inspired by the computer game, takes you past some of the landmarks that aided the pioneers.

Images: 1) Frank DiBona 2) Brett Mosley 3) Kartik Ramanathan

5. Natchez Trace Parkway

This former buffalo trail is now one of America’s more scenic drives. Check out some classic Southern sights, from historical landmarks to diners that serve delicious comfort food, with this guide to driving Natchez.

Images: 1) Kim Jenkins 2) Nietnagel 3) Pratap Sankar

6. Blue Ridge Parkway

This All-American road connects two national parks along a chain of mountains, so you know you’re in for some breathtaking views. Travel it in the summer and spring for hiking and camping, or do it in the fall to catch the colorful foliage.

Images: 1) Matthew Paulson 2) Kay Gaensler 3) zen Sutherland

7. Going-to-the-Sun Road

If you’re visiting Glacier National Park, you’ll have no choice but to take this incredible highway. As the only road that crosses the whole park, you’ll see panoramic mountain views, bright blue glacial lakes, and forested valleys. In fact, parts of the trip may look familiar, as it’s been featured in The Shining, Forrest Gump, and Blade Runner.

Images: 1) Mark Stevens 2) Ryan 3) Bill Gracey

The open road. That’s what it’s all about. Driving down long stretches of asphalt, pulling over at a local diner for some grub, and discovering the most incredible roadside wonders. Roadtrippers is a simple but powerful road trip planner that helps you discover, plan, & book your adventure.

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Drone footage of Alaskan ice caves

While drones for military use are a mixed bag at best, drones for aerial photography are unequivocally awesome. There have been a number of really great videos out recently featuring shots taken from miniature aerial quadcopter drones — shots that would likely not be possible to recreate with humans or larger aircraft. Because of this, we’re getting all sorts of perspectives on the world we’ve never got before.

In this case, it’s of Mendenhall Glacier near Juneau, Alaska. The shots were taken with a GoPro camera mounted on a DJI Phantom — a remote-control quadcopter designed specifically with GoPros in mind. The thing is, the Phantom isn’t particularly unaffordable, as far as drones go, and neither is the GoPro. So I’d imagine we’ll be seeing a lot more videos like this. Hell, if I had one of these, I’d use it to see if there were any bags of Doritos left on the top shelf of my pantry.

Used in nature, though, it’s spectacular — these are sights we just wouldn’t be able to see without having to climb through treacherous crevasses, or hang-glide over a glacier. A whole new world has been opened to us.

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15 signs you’re a freelancer

Photo: TheGiantVermin

1. You have unrealistic concepts of time.

No, that post can’t be written in 20 minutes. That article will really take 3 hours with edits. That blog series will need to be rewritten, twice, so don’t even try to estimate it. Wait, it’s 4:50? I can fit in another draft…

2. You’re actually afraid of hemorrhoids.
3. There’s a novel/memoir/poetry collection/etc. in your digital back pocket.

No writer got into writing so they could do copy or content or columns for the rest of their lives. This was just the thing that paid.

4. Some days, walking to the bathroom is your only form of exercise.
5. You resent portrayals of writers.

Freelancers are a completely different beast from the pigeonholed writers you see on screens, usually somewhere well between the self-destructive Robert-Downey-Jr.-Zodiac journalist and the tortured-academic-Jeff-Daniels-Squid-and-the-Whale novelist.

6. You resent the success of fictitious writers.

Most of us work hoping to eventually make an income that resembles middle class, so when Hannah Horvath gets a book deal or Owen Wilson gets his novel praised by Gertrude Stein, you start making up reasons why it would ‘never happen like that’ in real life — even if Midnight in Paris could feasibly happen.

7. You’re really tired of explaining to people ‘what you do.’

“So, what do you do?”

“…I’m a [muffled response].”

“A what?”

“…I’m a — uh, freelance writer.”

“Wow, that’s cool. I wouldn’t have pinned you for a writer; you look nothing like Ethan Hawke.”

“…”

“So, like, who do you write for?”

“Some websites you don’t know and some magazines you don’t read and a few companies you can pretend you’ve heard of.”

“Cool. I’m gunna wait silently for someone else to talk to me.”

8. You’re really tired of explaining ‘what sort of stuff you write.’

“So, what do you do?”

“I’m a…writer.”

“Cool.”

“…”

“So, like, what sort of stuff do you write?”

“Like, everything.”

“Like, novels and stuff?”

“Uh, well yeah, but, not for, like, work.”

“Oh. Then what do you write?”

“Oh, you know, like — blogs and emails and articles and stuff.”

“That’s a job?”

“…”

9. You’ve had free business cards made so you can enter contests for free lunch.
10. You have a ‘system’ for your clothes.

To go with the sweatpants/shorts and hoodie that are worn constantly and never washed, there’s the comfortable ‘work’ t-shirt and underwear that get cycled once a week, and if I actually leave the house I put on ‘real’ clothes then change back into the ‘work’ ones later, meaning I live in my version of pajamas. Is this just me? Great.

11. You think you’re a lot better at scheduling than you really are.

Whoops, didn’t account for the 16 urgent emails, chatty mailman, extra episode of Frisky Dingo at lunch, and the dog vomiting on the laundry after eating your underwear — the ‘real’ underwear you left out because you only wore them for like an hour yesterday before changing back into your ‘work’ underwear, and you were going to wear them out again tonight.

12. You’re irrationally snobbish about your work hours.

On one hand, you can’t go back to an office job because it’s so liberating to not have to wake up on time or stay late or have a standard workweek — but then you end up waking at 8:30, cutting out at 5, and taking weekends off, anyway. Somehow it’s different, though, I swear.

13. You’re irrationally snobbish about your schedule.

One of the best things about freelancing is working your own schedule. I can work any days I want! Woo! And then you have to have an errand day in the middle of the week under constant, pulse-throbbing anxiety because it’s killing you to take an entire day off.

14.You’ve forgotten how awful commuting is.

One day your internet goes out and you have to drive to a café eight minutes away, and you curse the whole way because of all the time it’s wasting.

15. The idea of buying lunch is absurd.

I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m making a big mistake even when I eat lunch out while traveling. Such is being spoiled by having leftovers and an entire kitchen at your disposal with no set lunch hours.

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Hong Kong & China: new countries?

THE MORE I learn about Asia, the more I realize how much I don’t know about it. It also makes me wonder what other places around the world feel more like a “separate country” than “part of a country.” At least now, after watching this video, I know to plan extra time if visiting China, Hong Kong, and Macau.

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Happy videos make Pharrell cry

An overwhelming response to Pharrell’s video “Happy” from fans all over the world brought the artist to tears on — where else — Oprah Winfrey’s show. Boom. Boom. I think I love this man, despite his Arby’s hat.

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What people from LA really mean

Photo: foxxyz

What they say: What do you do?

What they mean: Do you have any industry connections?

Everybody in Los Angeles is interested in the film industry. Since it’s all about who you know, almost every time someone at a party or meeting (or restaurant) asks about your job, they’re thinly veiling a request to see if you can introduce them to your work colleague the line producer, who just HAPPENS to be working on the next Breaking Bad.

What they say: I’d like a number two, animal style, extra fries.

What they mean: I want my burger with mustard baked into the patty, extra spread, and grilled onions, In-N-Out employee.

In-N-Out, the ubiquitously delicious Californian burger chain, offers a very simple menu pasted on the wall of their shops: hamburger, cheeseburger, French fries, shakes. For those in the know, however, there is an entire “secret menu” that includes variations like number of patties, cooking options, and even vegetarian options for those who don’t enjoy the meat in their cheeseburger.

What they say: Oh, you live in the Valley?

What they mean: Where even is that?

The San Fernando Valley, north of Los Angeles proper, is cheaper, hotter, and further away from the cool stuff happening than most Angelenos want to be. I lived in North Hollywood (nothing whatsoever to do with Hollywood), and it was like pulling teeth to get anyone to come out and visit. Understandable — Pasadena and North Hollywood, two neighbourhoods in the Valley that are literally 20 minutes apart by car, are unreachable by public transit without going all the way downtown and all the way back out again. You might as well be in Northern California, and we all know how Angelenos feel about people from San Francisco.

What they say: It’s so nice to meet you! We’ll definitely have lunch, I’ll call you.

What they mean: I’ve already forgotten your name.

My experience in Los Angeles was that people were very enthusiastic about spending time with you if they thought you had industry connections…otherwise it was all talk, little follow-through. Everyone is pretty busy and time is money; Angelenos know not to expect a real connection out of every meeting and understand that you’re just being friendly. Visitors might think they’ve made a new best friend and get confused over why they never get a text back.

What they say: There was a Sigalert for the 405, so take the PCH to the 10 to the 110 and meet me in Chinatown.

What they mean: Highway 405 is at a standstill, so follow the Pacific Coast Highway to I-10, which connects to I-110.

Every Angeleno I know has extended conversations about directions, literally every time they are trying to get somewhere. Since they spend roughly 80% of their days driving, a lot of recognizable shorthand has arisen. Only people from SoCal refer to freeways with a definite article (“the” 10 instead of “highway 10″) and most will give you complicated directions that vary based on time of day. “Sigalerts” are traffic warnings issued by news media. You’ll never run out of conversation topics with traffic to talk about.

What they say: Let’s get some tacos!

What they mean: Let’s get some tacos!

Everybody likes tacos. And you can often get them from somebody’s abuela on a portable cart on the street corner for a dollar apiece. Her carnitas will melt in your mouth. Yum.

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