Matador Network's Blog, page 2267

Supercell formation over Wyoming

MATADOR RECENTLY POSTED a photo essay highlighting crazy storms from around the world. I pretty much peed my pants just looking through the pictures in the gallery. And while I’ve lived through hurricanes, I’ve never seen a weather formation as complicated as this.

Mad props to the people who stuck around to watch it build up as well.

The post Supercell formation over Wyoming, caught on tape appeared first on Matador Network.

10 awesome books about travel

Photo: Wikipedia

Humans are not stationary creatures. Our entire history as a species has been marked by movement, reaching back to long before we’d invented our languages or the written word. So obviously, once our ancestors figured out how to scratch out symbols to communicate, they started writing about travel. One of our earliest epics — The Odyssey — is essentially a travel memoir, and the genre has been thriving ever since.

For travelers like myself, probably the best part of any trip is stocking up on the books you plan to read as you move. I will intentionally book trains instead of planes so I can have a little more time to sit and read between actually having to go out and do things. And if you choose your books right, they can make your trip a richer experience: Paris is a new place after reading Les Miserables, and London is all the more fascinating after reading Dickens.

The best travel books, though, go broader than that. They don’t make you just want to go to a place, they make you want you to travel period. Here are some of them.

1. Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer

Chris “Alexander Supertramp” McCandless has become a legend now, 20 years on from his death. He abandoned his school, family, and identity back in 1990 and spent two years wandering around the country; his body was found in an abandoned bus in Denali National Park. Author Jon Krakauer starts us at the bus and brings us through the final two years of McCandless’s life. Read the book before watching Sean Penn’s movie adaptation — Penn tends to glamorize the whole affair, while Krakauer refuses to pull punches on one of the 20th century’s most interesting nomads.

2. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams

I’m still pissed off that Douglas Adams is dead. Because he never had the chance to write an actual travel book (unless you count his awesome Last Chance to See, which focused on endangered animals), and if he’d written about traveling around the world the way he wrote about traveling around the universe, we’d all be richer for it. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy follows a boring everyman around the universe after the Earth has been destroyed to make way for an intergalactic superhighway. And that’s the least ridiculous sentence I could come up with to explain the book. Read it, and your world will feel smaller.

3. A Sense of the World: How a Blind Man Became History’s Greatest Traveler, by Jason Roberts

You’ve probably never heard of James Holman. He was a member of the British Royal Navy at the beginning of the 19th century when an illness struck him permanently blind. While this would usually have meant he was destined to a quiet, boring life as an invalid, instead Holman taught himself echolocation and became one of the most prolific travelers of the 19th century. He went on to hunt elephants in Ceylon, fight slavery in Africa, chart the Australian Outback, and write a number of books — including one on the fauna of the Indian Ocean that would be influential to Charles Darwin. Holman’s real life troubles will make your budget issues seem piddling and small.

Photo: Wikimedia

4. Candide, by Voltaire

Candide is not only one of the best travel books out there, it might be one of the better travel allegories as well. If you aren’t familiar with the plot, basically, a young optimist, who believes he’s living in “the best of all possible worlds,” gets into a series of misadventures that buffet him from one place to the next and allow him to see just how harsh and cruel the world can be. For travelers to developing countries, this will ring especially true — the experience of traveling into impoverished areas is often like having your little bubbles of naivete popped. Reading Candide is a similar experience, but it’s way more fun.

5. The Geography of Bliss, by Eric Weiner

The Geography of Bliss is a great nonfiction book about a grumpy foreign correspondent who is tired of being in war zones, and decides to go to the happiest countries in the world — as well as the unhappiest country. It’s a great look into what makes people happy, and how the definition of happiness and the extent to which it is valued changes from country to country.

6. The Talisman, by Stephen King and Peter Straub

Two of America’s best pulp-horror writers teamed up for this epic fantasy novel, which made me want to hit the road as much as anything else I read during my adolescence. Stephen King in particular has always specialized in epic quests (with his 7-volume The Dark Tower series, and his magnum opus, The Stand), but this one, about a young boy who needs to travel across both the United States and its alternate universe counterpart to retrieve a magical object to save his mother, is like a perverse mix of Huckleberry Finn and Edgar Allen Poe, and is an awesome read for fantasy fans.

Photo: Graphiks

7. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, by Hunter S. Thompson

Every generation has its iconic buddy-travel story, with the most famous probably being Jack Kerouac’s poetic, shambling On the Road. Hunter S. Thompson took this fairly formulaic genre 15 years later, pried open its mouth, force-fed it gallons of illegal drugs, and then dragged it through the desert from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. What resulted is undoubtedly the best buddy travel book of all time — an insane, twisted eulogy for the 1960s. I’ve read it eight times now, and it never loses its electricity. It never lets me stay in my seat.

8. Bone, by Jeff Smith

Of course there’s a comic book on this list. Comic books are usually written episodically, which makes them particularly well-suited for nomadic characters — you wander into a new place each week, get into some hijinks, and then move on. My favorite of the comic-travel books is Bone, by Jeff Smith. It’s about three cousins who are driven out of their hometown and stumble into a valley full of monsters. It’s often described as Lord of the Rings meets Saturday morning cartoons, and as far as the modern-day epic quests go, it’s among the best.

Photo: YouTube

9. Treasure Island, by Robert Louis Stevenson

As a rule, I hate Victorian literature. It’s stuffy and boring and full of pretentious people who are really worked up about manners. Treasure Island is an exception. It’s exciting and easy to read and full of pirates. You already know the story, but give it a read — especially if you’re traveling in the tropics. It’ll put some swash in your buckle.

10. A Walk in the Woods, by Bill Bryson

Bill Bryson is one of the best — and funniest — living travel writers out there, and pretty much any of his travel books could have made this list. A Walk in the Woods is about his return to the United States after living in Britain for most of his adult life, and his attempt to walk the full Appalachian Trail with his old friend, the overweight alcoholic Katz, to reacquaint himself with his homeland. It’s brilliant writing, and it’s especially good for types like me, who like to think of themselves as outdoorsy, but don’t actually like going outside unless it’s for a barbecue.

The post 10 awesome books about travel to read while traveling appeared first on Matador Network.

How to settle down and love life

Photo: Ben Raynal

When I moved back home from teaching abroad in Indonesia, I had no job and very little money. I kept busy, though, and one day found myself admiring a mural on the street. I met a boy there, we started dating, and I told him of my love for the French language. He smiled walking into the room one day carrying a pen and handed it to me.

“What color would you call this,” I asked as I twirled it with both hands.

“Mint, or a pale sage?”

I thought to myself how the only way I could ever describe to people how living in Paris felt was that it was like seeing pastels. I looked at the pen and realized it was “Ladurée green.” There was no other name for it because the sight of the color should always be followed by the elegant excitement of opening a box of the most special macaroons, so perfect that even children know to eat them in slow, appreciative bites.

“Read the writing on the side,” he said.

The inscription on the pen read as follows:

Photo: Author

lundi: voir un film

mardi: écouter un disque

mercredi: lire un roman

jeudi: écrire un poème

vendredi: acheter un billet

samedi/dimanche: faire un petit voyage

In English:

Monday: watch a film

Tuesday: listen to a record/CD

Wednesday: read a novel

Thursday: write a poem

Friday: buy a ticket

Saturday/Sunday: take a little trip

I laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh. Here I was thinking that every second not finding a job or advancing my career was time wasted. That I was doing nothing. When really, I had been given a gift. And that gift was time to experience la joie de vivre.

La joie de vivre, or “the joy of living,” is a sacred concept that some of you may be familiar with and probably put into your own words. But in French I think you can truly sense its beauty, its legitimacy, and the importance of maintaining it. What’s the point of living if you don’t enjoy it? And enjoyment is born from such small acts or souvenirs that anyone can experience it if only you allow yourself the time.

Before I found a job, I woke up when I wanted and therefore chose to start my day. And I did all the things the inscription suggests and more. I would peruse an antique furniture shop with no intention of buying anything. I would go for a run while listening to music. I would read The New York Times. Whatever I wanted, I just followed my instincts and whims.

I realized that to many people, it seemed like I had accomplished nothing with my day, and in a way I guess they were right. But it felt like that’s what I was put on this earth to do. It wasn’t “nothing;” it was thinking, feeling, experiencing, sensing, creating, observing, admiring, appreciating, loving. It felt like everything. The day felt like a sentimental duration, complete all on its own.

My days feel quite different. Each one feels like an X on a calendar.

With what traveling I’ve done, so many different cultural mentalities are rolling around in my head and bouncing off one another. And then this French phrase always comes to mind: la joie de vivre. So inherent, you would think it doesn’t need explanation, yet somehow it can be lost so easily.

Speaking French eventually got me a job, and don’t get me wrong — I’m very grateful to have one because I do need the money and doing “nothing” gets old. Now I work in a corporate office where I process obituaries for Canadian newspapers. (Strange, I know.) I do a count for the number of public death notices that will be available to the people of Montreal the following day. I see the cost of each line meant to signify the effects of a human life. I work late into the evening trying to call families and funeral directors of this French-speaking city, and they all have the same reaction: You cannot call me after 5pm.

My days feel quite different. Each one feels like an X on a calendar. All that matters about it is that it’s over. (This is what the French call “ennui.”) And I wish these people knew that I don’t want to call them on their personal time to talk about death or money. I want to see only pastels. I keep this pen, this “petite trouvaille” given to me as a gift, to remind me of how much joy there is to be had. I clock out for the day and try to find as much of it as I can.

The post How to settle down without losing the traveler’s ‘joie de vivre’ appeared first on Matador Network.

26 signs you've outgrown music fests

Photo: Caesar Sebastian

1. You actually want to eat breakfast. Not snort it.

2. Your LSD trip is spent happily making a Venn diagram on future life plans. In the woods, away from all music, completely alone.

3. You realize your music tastes vary greatly from the majority. You stand bewildered in the midst of an arm-swaying, eyes-closed crowd asking, “What is this shit?”

4. You no longer want to do business with the guy in patchwork velour pants. They’re hanging well below his ass. He’s itching his scalp. You can’t tell if he’s tan or dirty. No, you do not want to buy his mushroom chocolates. That he made in his kitchen. With his hands.

5. You start brainstorming ways to capitalize. How much is that kid in the Mexican blanket poncho willing to pay for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

6. You seem to be the only one here without their parents’ AMEX card.

7. You have an epiphany that all Grateful Dead music sounds the same.

8. You brought a book to catch up on during down time.

9. One night of intense partying is actually good enough. Buying a three-day ticket for $350 was maybe a little excessive.

10. You enjoy the late-night bands from the comfort of your sleeping bag.

11. You’re asked to take someone’s vital signs. They are not good.

12. You feel severely under-dressed. You didn’t know that a bindi, feathered headdress, and pleather vest were the required attire now.

13. You seem to be the only one capable of setting up a tent / making a respectable fire. Dude, that flicker of light you keep blowing on is a tad emasculating, no?

14. You’re wondering why no one wants to tour the art exhibit with you. “…Is that just someone’s drug tent?”

15. You’re perfectly content making papier-mâché masks in the family zone all day.

16. There’s no way in hell you’re going to swim in that pond.

17. You don’t see what the big deal is about glow sticks.

18. People start rolling around in mud. You’re appalled. That is manure, people.

19. You brought sunscreen.

20. You came to see a band you like. You offer no opinion on the ones you have not heard of.

21. You’re worried about contracting a UTI from the questionable foam they’re pumping into the dance tent. And from everything else. In general.

22. You see the irony in the abundance of plastic floral crowns at the “Save the Environment!” presentation.

23. You spend a lot of time wondering which country manufactured everyone’s clothes.

24. You keep hallucinating your Nana in the crowd. What is she doing over there by the hula hoops?

25. Tossing the inflatable whale around was fun the first six times. Now it is annoying.

26. It’s Sunday morning, and you are packed and absolutely ready to go.

The post 26 signs you’ve outgrown music festivals appeared first on Matador Network.

11 photos of Whitehaven Beach

Whitehaven Beach is best known for its fine white sands and clear blue waters — together, they create some of the most sought-after beach scenes on the planet.

Not only that, but they combine to make Whitehaven Beach one of the most photographed beaches in Australia. Check out this gallery of 11 amazing photos of Australia’s Whitehaven Beach to see what the buzz is about.

1


Whitehaven Beach can be found on Whitsunday Island, the largest island of the Whitsunday Islands archipelago in Queensland, Australia.


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2


The color of the sand at Whitehaven Beach is due to its composition: 98% pure white silica. Due to the nature of silica, the sand doesn't heat up even in the warmest seasons.


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3


The 7km island beach is accessible by boat, helicopter, or seaplane.


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Intermission





41 photos of the world’s most spectacular waterfalls





59 incredible photos of America’s 59 national parks





21 insanely colorful photos of Texas wildflower season


















4


In close proximity to the Great Barrier Reef, Whitehaven is part of the Whitsunday Islands National Park.


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5


The Tongue Bay, Hill Inlet, and Whitehaven Beach area of the Great Barrier Reef Marine Park is visited by over 75,000 people annually.


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6


At Hill Inlet, the sand is shifted by the changing tides to create a “swirling” pattern.


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7


There are over 70 islands in the island chain of the Whitsundays—Hamilton Island and Whitsunday Island are two of the most popular.


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8


There are campsites on only three islands of the Whitsundays—Hook Island, Whitsunday Island, and Henning Island.


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9


Many visitors consider the lookout at Tongue Point on Whitsunday Island to be the best vantage point for viewing Whitehaven Beach.


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10


Whitehaven Beach won a CNN award for Most Eco Friendly Beach in 2010.


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11


Reports exist of the sand from Whitehaven Beach being used in the construction of the Hubble telescope lens, but these have been neither confirmed nor denied.


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The post 11 pristine photos of Whitehaven Beach, Australia appeared first on Matador Network.

Biking parallel to the ground [vid]

When I ride my bike, I like to imagine I’m turning so tight my hands are brushing the ground. But that’s never really the case. I would say that literally 100% of the time I’m on my bike, I’m perpendicular to the ground.

But I’m not Matt Hunter. Hunter is a Canadian cyclist, and when a photo recently surfaced of him riding his bike practically parallel to the ground, the internet cried “Photoshop!” This video, shot by Anthill Films, proves the internet wrong. The secret to going parallel, it turns out, is being able to take a corner insanely fast, while simultaneously not being a spaz.

The post Yes, it’s possible to bike parallel to the ground [vid] appeared first on Matador Network.

20 photos of California's redwoods

A FEW MILLION YEARS AGO, the coast redwood (Sequoia sempervirens) covered large swathes of North America, Europe, and Asia. By the 1850s, before the advent of modern commercial logging, this range had been reduced by natural causes to the Northern California coast, though still these forests were robust and dominated the landscape. Since then, it’s estimated that 95% of old-growth redwoods have been cut — only groves situated in steep gullies and other hard-to-access terrain, and those hurriedly protected as people realized how endangered the species had become, remain.

Yet even though their numbers may be a mere fraction of what they once were, when you’re walking through one of the old, mighty groves in Redwood National Park, or Jedediah Smith, Prairie Creek, Del Norte, or Humboldt State Park, their impact is unmistakable. You’re transported to a different world, a different time, one that exists nowhere else on Earth.

Our friends at Visit California asked Matador how we #dreambig in California. This post is part of a series we’re publishing to answer that question. Click here for more.

1

Muir Woods
Many people are introduced to the coast redwood here, in Muir Woods National Monument. Located just over the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco, it's one of the most easily accessible redwood forests.
Photo: Benson Kua





2

Stout Grove
To see the truly massive specimens, however, you need to travel north. Coast redwoods don’t get quite as wide as their cousins the giant sequoia, but 26ft diameters can hardly be considered second rate. This tree stands in Stout Grove, Jedediah Smith Redwoods State Park.

Photo: Author





3

Redwood at Muir Woods
Where redwoods leave the sequoias behind is height. These are the tallest trees on the planet, with the highest so far measured at 379.1 feet. That's over 70 feet taller than the Statue of Liberty, taking into account pedestal and foundation.

Photo: lunaport





Intermission





25 natural wonders that will inspire you to explore





12 places where you will feel absolutely dwarfed by nature





21 insanely colorful photos of Texas wildflower season


















4

Sun setting behind a redwood, Humboldt County
And, stats aside, they're just awesome to look at.

Photo: mason bryant





5

Canopy
The canopy of a redwood grove, out of sight of both earth and sky, has been described as an “unexplored ecosystem.”

Photo: Rick Rowland





6

Cathedral redwoods in Prairie Creek
"Cathedral trees" sprout from a shared base, like these in Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park.

Photo: rachel_thecat





7

Jedediah Smith Redwoods SP
Jedediah Smith is probably my personal favorite of all the redwood parks in California, located just inland of Crescent City, a dozen or so miles south of the Oregon border.

Photo: Paul Hamilton





8

Giant Tree, Humboldt
Many of the tallest trees on Earth are clearly marked and easily accessible on public lands, like this one in Humboldt Redwoods State Park.

Photo: Author





9

Screaming Titans
But the locations of the most serious trees and groves are kept secret, to protect both the redwoods and inexperienced hikers who might otherwise seek them out. This is one such tree, Screaming Titans, in the Grove of Titans, Jedediah Smith Redwood SP.

Photo: H Dragon





Intermission





51 natural wonders so amazing it’s hard to believe they exist





15 natural wonders of the Middle East you’ll have to see to believe





30 incredibly vibrant images of coral reefs and the creatures that call them home


















10

Stitched photo of a redwood
A stitch job showing the full height of a tree in the Grove of Titans.

Photo: H Dragon





11

Our limited perspective
Redwoods are so tall that it's nearly impossible to tell the monstrously high from the merely gargantuan when you're standing beneath them.

Photo: Paul Hamilton





12

Redwood roots
Like any other ecosystem, a redwood forest is constantly in flux. When one of the old sentinels falls, it returns tons of biomatter to the soil and can take decades, if not centuries, to fully decompose.

Photo: Maureen Didde





13

Portola Redwoods State Park
The coast between San Francisco and Monterey is dotted with smaller groves protected in parks such as Portola.

Photo: Dawn Endico





14

A grove in the Santa Cruz Mountains
Another tree in one of those southerly groves.

Photo: Shayan (USA)





15

Massive redwood in Jedediah Smith Redwoods SP
You could easily mistake this coast redwood for a sequoia, its trunk is so stout.

Photo: joannapoe





Intermission





50 stunning ice formations from around the world [pics]





15 weird natural phenomena [PICS]





18 natural wonders of the US that will inspire your next road trip


















16

Boy Scout Tree
We are just dwarfed by these trees. This one is in Jedediah Smith Redwoods SP.

Photo: NAParish





17

Stout Grove
A vertical look at Stout Grove. I'm the red dot at the bottom left.

Photo: Author





18

Chandelier, the drive-thru tree
We treat our redwoods better today than they did in the 1930s. Still, if you ever wanted to drive through a tree, here ya go.

Photos: lostintheredwoods (left), nagobe (right)





19

Redwood forest scene
Equally impressive in fog as in sunlight, California's redwood forests are something you need to experience in person.

Photo: Author





20

Logged redwood, 1900
There's no doubt that trees bigger than today's record holders were logged over the last century and a half. It's not clear whether this was a coast redwood or giant sequoia, only that it was ginormous (note the team of horses on top). Perhaps in another millennium or two, the coast redwood will once more dominate the forests of Northern California.

Photo: David C. Foster



Editor's note: This post was originally published on November 19, 2009.

The post California’s giant redwoods, the tallest living things on our planet appeared first on Matador Network.

12 things you'll experience in Korea

Photo: thomas park

1. Cracked-out soju pigeons

Korea’s known for its vibrant drinking culture. They claim they can drink all night because they do so while eating and playing games. There seems to be a hole in this philosophy: namely, the unconscious people and piles of upchuck — or pigeon breakfast — I step over on my way to work in the morning. Party-going pigeons love to feast on these soju-soaked puddles of vomit until they’re wasted, twitchy, and slamming into walls.

2. Ajummas

An ajumma is technically a married woman, but the word is really reserved for a specific type of the 50+ crowd. Anyone who’s visited Korea can spot these beloved national icons by their short purple perms, unusually large sun visors, floral pants, rubber shoes, sturdy stature, aggressive nature, and near super-human strength. They’re often spotted carrying large sacks of produce. I imagine in the city they hoist refrigerators over their shoulders.

2b. The ajumma scrub-down

Two types of ajummas man the sauna. The ajummas in beige granny undies and thick-strapped bras keep the shower area tidy, while the sexy ajummas in black scour you on a plastic table with a cheese grater and a garden hose as your skin falls off and piles on the ground.

As you lie there naked, next to a bunch of other naked people also being peeled*, you might wonder why this seemed like a pleasant way to spend your Saturday, or you might be totally into it. No judgment. If you already have the smooth alabaster skin of a Victorian virgin, you should be alright. If you have freckles like me, you’re screwed. Or like my African American friend who said they tried to scrub the “black” off.

* Man readers, you too can experience this at the ridiculously strong hands of an ajusshi (male ajumma) in a beige nappie.

3. Pretty men

Grown men sporting fuzzy kitten sweaters, non-ironically, and clutching pencil cases that say things like: “Butterflies play among the flowers.” “I love cookie.” If you like your men more “meow” than “grrrrrrowl,” this is the country for you.

4. Dong chim

I’ve been poked up the butt by small children and the occasional adult more times than I’d like to count. This may seem like inappropriate behavior to some, but in Korea it’s a fun game. How it works: The child clasps his fingers together with index and middle fingers pointing out. He then tries to insert them briskly into your anal region while you’re not looking.

“Dong chim!” Translation: poop house. Sometimes they’ll come at you from the front. I find the vaginal poke even more inappropriate. But maybe that’s just me.

5. The best food you’ve never heard of

Gamjatang
Daktoritang
Manduguk
Samgyeopsal
Dak galbi
Galbijjim
Kimchi jeon
Ddeokbokki

Heard of these? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Most people can’t locate Korea on a map*, let alone name a single Korean food. A part of me wants to keep this delicious little multiple foodgasmic secret to myself, but I’m getting a little tired of constantly being asked, “So did you eat Fido?” As if that’s the only thing on the menu.

* Before you get your knickers in a knot, I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about those other geographically challenged numskulls, the ones who still think I’m talking about North Korea.

6. Beach season

Beach season is for a month sometime between mid-July to mid-August. If the weather is gorgeous in June, and you think it might be nice to take a refreshing dip, think again. Three cop cars, a fire truck, and a rescue boat full of recovery divers will turn up to ‘rescue’ you from the beautiful June weather and calm blue seas. It’s not beach season, moron.

7. Hiking

Koreans love hiking. What they love even more than hiking is dressing to go hiking. They’ve got all the goods: North Face jackets, argyle knee socks, spring-loaded walking sticks, heat-activated gloves, spiky shoe boots, more North Face stuff, you get the idea. Don’t worry if you don’t look the part, they understand you’re a foreigner and find your ignorance amusing.

Enjoy the hike. It’s more like walking slowly in a large herd along a gently sloping and well-trodden path, but whatever. If that’s not enough of a workout for you, stop at one of the many outdoor gymnasiums and swivel your hips on a metal disc like the super-serious elderly man on the disc next to yours. Afterwards, he’ll share his seaweed rice rolls (aka kimbap) and soju with you. It’s like the trail mix and water of Korean hiking.

8. Fan death

I’m not talking about the kind of fans who get stompled* at a Justin Bieber concert. I’m talking about those potentially deadly wind-blowing devices used to cool oneself on a hot summer’s night.

I learned about their deadliness my first year in Korea. My boss had called me into his office to warn me that my fan was plotting to kill me in my sleep. After many discussions on the subject, this is what I’ve come to understand: In a closed space, over the course of a night, the fan will create a wind tunnel that will suck the oxygen from the air so you suffocate and die. My modern Korean friends laugh at the notion…but their fans all have timers.

* Yes, it’s a word.

9. Toasty floors

Koreans heat their homes through their floors; it’s called ondol. Basically, your entire apartment floor turns into one giant heating pad. Returning home on a blustery cold winter’s night, I pretty much belly flop on the floor and stay down till spring. Bonus: Korea doesn’t do dryers, so in the winter you can lay your wet laundry on the floor to dry. If you’re one of those people who always throws your clothes on the floor anyway, well, it’s a win win.

Warning: My friend was babysitting a couple guinea pigs and she accidentally left the cage on the floor and the heater running while she went to Seoul for the weekend. She returned to roasted guinea pig. She’s still traumatized, and I probably shouldn’t have told you, but I feel it’s my duty to warn you that with the gift of ondol comes much responsibility. I’m like that old dude preaching about my mogwai.

10. The molessage

For my friend’s birthday I got us both molested. I treated her to a Korean massage. Korean massage techniques may differ from what you’re accustomed to. Some of the highlights include: breast jiggling to a chorus of giggles from your ‘masseuse’ and her friends who’ve come to watch and drink coffee, nipple tweaking, kissing the sun tattoo on your ass cheek because it’s so darn cute, and finger probing dangerously close to your nether region.

I felt really bad about the whole thing, but my friend assured me it was the most action she’d had in months. So much like a Shakespearean comedy/tragedy. All’s well that end’s well.

11. Table doorbells

In Korean restaurants, every table comes with a magic button. If you push it a server will instantly appear at your table. If you don’t push it you won’t be bothered. You can push it or not push it as much as you’d like. Why this hasn’t caught on in the US is beyond me.

12. Extreme couple culture

Date night in Korea! Dress in matching clothes down to your matching undies. You’d think the intimate wear would slant toward more of a masculine style; after all, girls look cute in boy shorts. But nope. The men get to look cute in pink bikini bottoms instead.

Head to the local Pizza Hut (this means he really likes you) and order the “couple set.” It involves a heart-shaped pizza, and they’ll even box it up for you with a pretty red ribbon. Nothing says romance like heart-shaped carbs. Next, chew on dried squid while cuddling in the cozy “couple seat” at the cinema. No pesky armrest to impede your blossoming love. Finish the night at Starbucks (he really, really likes you) with perfectly etched foam-heart couple lattes and a slice of cheesecake to split. Revel in your steamy, creamy coupley bliss.

Note: Viewing of the spring cherry blossoms and ice skating are deemed couple activities. In other words, stay home you sad, lonely person.

The post 12 things you’ll only experience in Korea appeared first on Matador Network.

How to piss off someone from Cincinnati

Photo: Steven Gripp

Wear a Reds hat without actually knowing who the Reds are.

I’ve had this conversation countless times:

Me: “Hey, nice hat! Go Reds!”
You: “Huh?”
Me: “Your hat. It’s a Reds hat.”
You: “Oh. I didn’t know that.”
Me: “Then why are you wearing it?”
You: “I like the color red. Also, my name starts with C.”

Turns out, they’re actually probably members of the infamous Bloods street gang. The Bloods’ colors are red, and the “C” is a bit of a poke at their rival gang the Crips. So I’ve stopped talking to strangers wearing Reds hats, which makes life outside the Queen City just a little more lonely.

Knock our chili.

For whatever reason, people always tell me that Cincinnati chili is “not real chili.” Here are the reasons why that is absolutely moronic: First, there’s only one ingredient that must be present for a sauce or stew to be considered chili. That ingredient is chili powder. It can be made of tofu and monkey brains…if it has chili in it, you can call it chili.

Second, Cincinnati chili is not just real chili, it is the realest chili. It is a Platonian form. It is a higher ideal. It is one of those rare spots in the universe where the fabric dividing our plane of existence from heaven’s has been ripped apart by a singularity of deliciousness.

Knock pretty much any of our other food.

Okay, Goetta is an acquired taste. Fair enough. But Zip’s and City View Tavern do amazing burgers, Montgomery Inn’s ribs and sauce are among the best, LaRosa’s pizza is as good as anything outside New York or Chicago, and have you had our beer? My girlfriend (an East Coast native) recently said to me, “When I think of Cincinnati, I think of great beer.” I’ve never been more proud in my entire life.

Tell us Cincinnati sucks after only having been to our airport.

The airport’s in Northern Kentucky, you chode.

Say, “The best part of Cincinnati is in Kentucky/the Ohio River.”

Before I start: There are some pretty cool parts of Northern Kentucky. I’ve had many a good night on Mainstrasse, and I’ve ended many a good night in Newport, particularly at the Hofbrauhaus.

But seriously, bro, fuck yourself. Even without the Banks — which are an addition that didn’t open until after I’d left — there’s a lot of great stuff on the Cincinnati side of the river. Mount Adams can be a little douchey, but the bars are amazing, Over-the-Rhine has MOTR, which might be my favorite bar ever, and Clifton and Northside are both great nights as well.

Tell us Cincinnati is boring.

You’re boring. It’s been about four years since I’ve lived full-time in Cincinnati, and every time I go back — every three to six months — it’s gotten even cooler. Cincinnati is going through a renaissance right now. We’re like the Matthew McConaughey of cities. Yeah, we had our Failure to Launch moment during the 2001 race riots, but now is our True Detective moment. You know, without all the ritualistic murders.

Seriously though, Cincinnati is not remotely boring by any city standard. Just because you’re in the space between the Appalachians and Rockies doesn’t mean everything is boring.

Call us racist.

There was an article series on Gawker a few months back that made the rounds arguing that Cincinnati was either the most racist city in America, or was among the top 5. What was particularly frustrating about it was that all of its “evidence” was anecdotal (from internet commenters no less) except for the 2001 race riots. And the race riots were caused by racial bias and brutality among the police. Which is kind of a thing everywhere.

Look…Cincinnati has a checkered racial history, and there are definitely racists in the area. That’s something that pretty much every city in the country has to deal with, though. Come back to us when you have some real numbers.

Assume you know what it’s like to be a Bengals fan.

Being a Bengals fan — nay, a Cincinnati sports fan period, assuming we’re talking about the post-Big Red Machine era — is like living in that prison pit from The Dark Knight Rises. You can always see the light, and you can just about climb and reach out of the hellhole of despair, but you can never quite make it. It’s like Sisyphus — to impotently watch, year after year, as we come so close, just to lose in the first round of the playoffs every goddamn time…well, it’s a type of frustration that can only be expressed in the form of a deep, guttural moan. Which is pretty hard to type.

So yeah, if your team hasn’t won a Super Bowl in three or four years, I have zero pity for you. You’re just waiting in line for your next turn. I’m living through Groundhog Day.

The post How to piss off someone from Cincinnati appeared first on Matador Network.

World's 25 deadliest peaks [pics]

This year saw the deadliest day ever on Mount Everest, with 16 people — all of them Sherpas — killed in a massive avalanche. And while the world’s tallest mountain has certainly claimed its fair share of mountaineers (the total is over 250 as of this year), it’s generally not considered to be the world’s most difficult mountain to climb.

With some of these peaks, you can see directly why in a photo. “Oh, hey, look at that sheer rock face you have to ascend to get to the top. Yeah, I’m gonna head back to the lodge and get some hot chocolate instead.” Others look deceptively easy to the untrained eye. Some of the following may have a lower death rate than Everest, but it should be noted that far more non-expert climbers are on Everest these days, and that technical difficulty may not translate to more deaths when a mountain is the exclusive domain of experts.

1

Mount Everest
Aside from being the world’s tallest mountain and technically difficult, Everest has a plethora of other problems regarding the crowding of the mountain by climbers. The mortality rate for Sherpas on Everest surpasses those of the US's most dangerous industries, like commercial fishing, mining, and the military.


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2

Mount Fitz Roy
Fitz Roy sits on the border of Patagonian Chile and Argentina and is one of the most technically difficult mountains to summit in the world. You can see why. It’s incredibly steep on all sides leading to the summit, and its weather is unpredictable.


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3

Denali
Due to the accessibility of Denali (or Mount McKinley) and its allure as the tallest mountain in North America, amateurs are frequently drawn to it...and it's a pretty dangerous place for novices. Around 100 have died on Denali.


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Intermission





Climb the granite peaks of Namibia





Climbing and admiring Yosemite





32 photos that prove goats are the world’s best climbers


















4

The Matterhorn
The Matterhorn is visually one of the more striking mountains in the world. You can see why it took so long to climb compared to most of the rest of the Alps. It’s estimated that around 500 have died since the first climb, but it should be noted that, being in the Alps, it was climbed much earlier than most of the Himalayas or the Andes.


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5

Makalu
Makalu (the peak with the sunbeam at the summit) is the fifth-highest mountain in the world and is only 12 miles away from Everest on the Nepal-China border. Part of its previous difficulty was that it took a pretty tough trek to even get to the mountain, but now helicopters are often utilized. At least 32 have died on Makalu, and it's considered, along with K2, one of the hardest of the 14 eight-thousanders to climb.


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6

Mont Blanc
Although Mont Blanc is not technically as difficult as most of the mountains on this list, its position on the tourist-heavy border of France and Italy has made it a popular destination among amateurs, which may be why, according to some estimates, as many as 8,000 people have died climbing it.


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7

K2
K2, the second-tallest mountain in the world, is possibly the most dangerous. For every four successful summit attempts, one person has died. It sits on the border of China and Pakistan and has never been summitted in the wintertime.


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8

Cerro Torre
It’s pretty obvious from the picture why Cerro Torre in Argentine Patagonia is such a difficult climb. The first confirmed summit was in 1974. Talons of sheer rock, the crown of the mountain is made more treacherous by a skin of ice deposited by the ever-blowing winds at the top.


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9

Annapurna
Annapurna in Nepal is, by at least one measure, the most dangerous mountain on the planet. 60 people have died climbing the mountain, and only 157 have successfully summitted it, a ratio of 38%, which is worse than K2. Since 1990, though, another Himalayan mountain, Kangchenjunga, has had a higher death rate. Annapurna’s south face is considered among the most difficult climbs in the world. Pictured above is Annapurna South, which is actually one of the lower and easier peaks in the gigantic Annapurna massif.


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Intermission





50 places you can’t reach without climbing [pics]





The 6 best starter ranges for mountaineering





Scaling and land-sailing in San Juan


















10

The Eiger
The north face of the Eiger has been nicknamed the “Murder Wall” due to the 64 people who've died on the wall alone.


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11

Jannu
Jannu, in the Nepalese Himalayas, is renowned for its technical difficulty, as a lot of the most difficult portions of the climb are over 7,000 meters.

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12

Mount Logan
Mount Logan is one of the "Seven Second Summits," a list that refers to the second-tallest mountain on each continent. Mount Logan in the St. Elias Range in Canada is behind Denali in Alaska. Some of the Seven Second Summits are regarded to be more challenging than the seven tallest summits. Climbing Logan is technically no more difficult than Denali, but because of the mountain's isolation, climbers must make a long trek before they can even start.


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13

Dhaulagiri I
Dhaulagiri I, the seventh-tallest mountain in the world, has an above-average death rate among comparable Nepalese mountains. Between 1950 and 2006, 2.88% of all expedition members who went above basecamp died—a total of 58 fatalities.



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14

Gauri Sankar
Gauri Sankar is next to Melungtse, a treacherous mountain in Tibet. It's slightly shorter, but since it's in Nepal, Sankar's seen more summit attempts. Like Melungtse, it's an extremely technically difficult climb.


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15

Siula Grande
Siula Grande in the Peruvian Andes was made famous through the book Touching the Void, an account of a particularly harrowing ascent (and nightmarish descent) of this peak.


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Intermission





Tribute to climbers Micah Dash, Jonny Copp and Wade Johnson





Strong women rock climbing in Brazil





One chance to climb the Guillotine Flake


















16

Baintha Brakk
Only three expeditions have succeeded in reaching the top of Baintha Brakk, a giant tower in Pakistan’s Karakoram Range. This is because its walls are particularly steep and complex, obstacles compounded by the high altitude. It’s nicknamed “the Ogre.”

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17

Mount Vinson
Mount Vinson isn’t technically that difficult. The problem with it? It’s the tallest mountain in Antarctica. It wasn’t even seen until 1958.


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18

Cerro Paine Grande
Cerro Paine Grande, in Chilean Patagonia, is part of the Cordillera del Paine, which harbors many difficult climbs. Part of the difficulty is the very steep—sometimes vertical—rock climbs, while part is because of the extremely unpredictable weather.


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19

Lhotse
Lhotse, the fourth-highest mountain in the world, is directly connected to Everest. Around 20 deaths have been recorded on Lhotse, and under 400 have actually made it to the summit. The biggest difficulty is altitude, breaching the so-called death zone above 8,000 meters, where human acclimation to the thin atmosphere is impossible. Nonetheless, Lhotse isn't as difficult as Everest, and at least one tour operator offers a package that involves climbing Everest and then walking over to Lhotse and climbing it as well.


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20

Melungtse
Melungtse in Tibet wasn’t officially summitted until 1992 and hasn’t been summitted since. Partially, this is because climbing just hasn’t been allowed, but it’s also an incredibly steep mountain.


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21

Gasherbrum IV
Gasherbrum IV is considered one of the most technically difficult peaks in the world, thanks to its height, sheer faces, and the unstable weather in the area. It’s in Pakistan’s Karakoram Range.


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22

Mount Khuiten
Mount Khuiten, in Mongolia along the Russian border, is one of the hardest mountains to get to on the planet. It's on this list mostly because of its remoteness, not so much because of technical difficulty.


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23

Nanga Parbat
Nanga Parbat in Pakistan is the ninth-tallest mountain in the world, but it ranks higher than that for difficulty. It has never been climbed in winter, and the south side flaunts the largest mountain face on the planet. It's nicknamed “the Man Eater” but recently involved a tragedy that had nothing to do with climbing-related deaths: The local Taliban murdered 10 foreign climbers at their camp.


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24

Mount St. Elias
On the border of the Yukon and Alaska, Mount St. Elias is not frequently a target of mountaineers, due to its horrible weather. Just 10 miles from the ocean, and ascending steeply to an altitude of 18,000 feet, Mount St. Elias is constantly battered by harsh Pacific storms.


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25

Kangchenjunga
Kangchenjunga, on the border of Nepal and India, was thought to be the tallest peak in the world until a massive geographic survey of India in the mid-19th century reclassified it as the world's third-tallest mountain. Over time, fatality rates on Kangchenjunga have remained consistently high, even though most mountains have seen a decrease in death rates as a result of improved equipment and meteorology.


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The post 25 of the world’s hardest mountains to climb [pics] appeared first on Matador Network.