H.B. Pattskyn's Blog, page 6

Tentacles and Chain (ch. 8)

I normally post new chapters on Saturday, but due to popular demand (emphasis on the "demand" part), I'm putting this up a day early. (I suppose I started a bad habit, posting early one week because I'd had a sucky day  ;-)  )
Although I also suppose I have been a bit mean with where I chose to end my chapters. Ch. 8 is no exception....
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Chapter Eight
Trellen’s heart thundered in his ears. “What…what do you want me to do?” Master stroked his face gently and his heart started to calm. “I will offer you a choice, sweet.” Master’s voice was as soothing as his touch. “You may ask me to fuck you, or you may ask to be allowed to suck my cock. But,” he cautioned, placing a finger on Trellen’s lips, just as Trellen was about to protest that he couldn’t say those words, “you must use the words I have prescribed. Say anything else, and I promise you, it will be a very long time before I allow you another orgasm.”Trellen’s heart sank at the thought of being denied. He wasn’t a slave to a monster, he was a slave to himself, to his own selfish desires. And maybe that means I really am enslaved to a monster. “Why?”“Why?” Master questioned.“Why do you want me to…,” to debase myself. “To use such vulgar words?”“Words are not vulgar, my Pretty. Vulgar is an idea imposed by people.” He slid higher up on Trellen’s body and rubbed his erection over Trellen’s hard cock. Trellen let out a soft moan of pleasure. Why does that part of my body have to be so damned sensitive? If it didn’t feel so good….Goddess, why can’t I have more self-control?“You must learn to use words with which you are uncomfortable in order to convey your desires,” Master said softly, his lips so close they ghosted over Trellen’s cheek. “You must tell me what you enjoy so that I can make you happy.” He rocked his hips back and forth, so their cocks rubbed together. Trellen found himself leaning up into the movement, obscenely trying to mimic it, desperate for more contact. “Come, my Pretty. You must decide and tell me which you prefer. Shall I fuck you or would you like to suck my cock?” He pulled himself away from Trellen’s cock, so that it was left straining in the cold water, aching. Trellen whimpered. It wasn’t just his cock, his whole body throbbed and ached!  Master caressed his face. “I promise that no matter what you choose, I will allow you to come again, if you only say the words.” “You’re turning me into a wanton!” “I cannot create something if there were no raw materials with which to work, Pretty. But. Are you stalling?”“No.” Yes. “Maybe.”“No more then. I require your answer and I require it now.”Trellen shuddered at the sharp edge to his Master’s tone. He was growing impatient, but how could he expect Trellen to choose? Trellen thought he could do what Master had done to him before, use his hand to bring his Master to completion. That wouldn’t be so bad. But that wasn’t one of his choices and Trellen doubted the wisdom of begging for it. Only to be violated, to have him…. He swallowed back a lump of fear in his throat. Males were not supposed to lie beneath other males. And yet here I am, doing just that. But…. But could he actually bear to be…fucked. The word struck a chord of fear deep inside. Trellen swallowed again and forced his lips and throat to work. “I…what you did to me. With your mouth. I choose that.”“Tut-tut, Pretty. If you wish to be allowed to climax, you must say ‘Master, I would like to suck your cock, please’.” Shame heated his face. But lying there, arms and tail still bound, his body crying out for another release, what else could he do but give in? My soul is already tainted beyond hope. What was the harm in a few vulgar words at this point? He closed his eyes. “Master. I….I would like to…to suck your cock, please.”Master tilted his chin upward, as if looking at him. “Now once more, with your eyes open, Pretty. You know where my face is.” His tone was firm and steady, but without threat or malice. “Make me believe it is what you truly wish.”Trellen shuddered but opened his eyes. He tried to picture the face behind the voice, but his mind couldn’t fathom it. Was the Unspeakable One the monster of childhood’s tales? Or is he like me? Was he handsome? Ugly? Did it matter? “Master. I… I would like to suck your cock, please.”

Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Tentacles and Chain (Ch. 7)

Chapter Seven

Sunlight filtered down from Above, casting a golden glow on the sand beneath the crystal clear water. Laughter filled the air every time Trellen and Lucien breached the waves, each seeing if he could leap higher than the other until at least, they reached the white-sand beach. Still laughing, the pair hauled themselves up onto the sand lay together in the warmth of the sun. A cool breeze blew down from the jungle that stretched out beyond the beach, bringing with it green, exotic scents and strange sounds. Trellen inhaled deeply—contentedly—and turned to face Lucien. Luce’s eyes sparkled in the sunlight and his grin made Trellen’s heart do strange, happy things. Trellen rolled closer to his best friend and let his arm fall over Lucien’s slender back. Luce was slight and dark compared to Trellen’s own nearly-white hair and pale complexion. Trellen traced the line of his friend’s spine and Luce shivered, arching into his hand.  “Hmmmm, that feels good,” Luce murmured. Trellen smiled. There was little he loved more than touching Luce’s skin. It was soft. Smooth. But underneath it lay strong, hard muscles. Trellen let his fingertips play over Lucien’s spine and along his lower back, almost to the place where skin became scales. Trellen’s stomach fluttered. What would it be like to kiss those perfect lips, or feel Lucien rubbing up against him?Lucien’s eyelids drooped. “Trell…I….” But he hesitated and Trellen pulled back. “We should go,” Trellen said, praying Luce didn’t see the shame heating his cheeks. Lucien opened his eyes again and nodded, though several moments passed before he pushed himself back into the waves. Trellen followed.                     Tellen woke with a start, momentarily disoriented by the cold darkness and his body’s state of arousal—then he remembered. The male lying next to him wasn’t Lucien, though the two had spent many nights together before Luce left for the open sea. Kaia watch over him. But why should Trellen pray to a Goddess who had abandoned him?Or maybe I abandoned her when I first touched Luce’s skin. “Whatever you were dreaming about, my Pretty,” said a soft voice that at once made Trellen’s blood pulse with desire and his stomach flip with revulsion, “it has left you in quite a state.” Cool fingertips traced the lines of Trellen’s exposed cock and, much to his own shame, Trellen shifted closer to his Master’s hand. “I believe I like this side of your nature.” Master’s grin was audible. Trellen didn’t respond—but then something warm and soft replaced his Master’s hand and Trellen gasped. He reached down to find out of what he thought was happening was actually happening, but his wrists were quickly restrained, encircled by two of Master’s tentacles. Master pushed Trellen’s arms over his head and snaked another tentacle around Trellen’s tail, immobilizing him. Not that Trellen was putting up much of a fight. He moaned and his eyes rolled back in his head; Master’s mouth was hot, his lips soft, and his tongue skillful. “Please.” Don’t stop.Trellen was sure he felt his Master’s lips curl up into a smile—but then Master pulled back, leaving Trellen whimpering. “Did you enjoy that, my Pretty?”“Yes. Please.” He thrust his hips upward again in a silent plea. Master chuckled. He placed a soft kiss on the tip of Trellen’s cock and Trellen whimpered again. The sounds grew louder as Master began teasing his cock. He licked the tip and around the head, then slowly worked his way down the shaft with his tongue and lips, while Trellen wriggled and moaned, shamelessly trying to thrust his cock forward, hoping Master would take it into his mouth again. “I could keep you dangling on the edge of orgasm all day if I wanted,” Master warned.“Please…don’t.” He laughed again. “Oh, I most certainly will. But not today, my Pretty,” he said. “First I want you to learn to enjoy your own body, then I will teach you the pleasure of denial.”  Why did the threat of being denied something he was quickly coming to crave excite him? Trellen had little time to think about it, as Master once more took his cock into his mouth and began sucking in earnest. “I’m…,” Trellen gasped. He was so close. “Please…I’m going to…it’s….” But it was already too late.  The orgasm crashed through him and he shot his release into his Master’s throat. “I’m sorry!”But his Master didn’t seem to object. To the contrary, Trellen felt him swallow it down before relaxing his grip on Trellen’s wrists and tail. He feathered a soft kiss to Trellen’s stomach and rested his chin there. “Neverapologize for something so lovely, my sweet Pretty.” “I—” But the soft brush of the tip of Master’s tentacle over Trellen’s lips silenced him. “Tell me, Pretty, have you ever kissed another male?”Heat overtook Trellen’s cheeks and he shook his head. “Have you kissed a female, then?”“Once,” he admitted. What use was it to lie?“And did you enjoy it?”“I…it was pleasant enough.” “You don’t sound very convincing.”He shrugged. “What does it matter who I’ve kissed or whether or not I liked it?” “Because I should like it very much if you were to enjoy my kisses.” And with no further warning, he tightened his grip on Trellen’s wrists and tail once more, and hoisted himself up to smother Trellen’s mouth with his own.Trellen struggled—but then submitted. He’d given his word. So when he felt his Master nipping at his lips, he opened his mouth a tiny crack. The same tongue that had only moments ago brought him to orgasm plunged into his mouth. Master was no less skilled at kissing than he was at…at whatever he’d done to Trellen’s cock was called. He tasted salty and sweet—and Trellen realized he was probably tasting himself on his Master’s tongue. But while that revelation caused shame to heat Trellen’s body, it didn’t stop him from moaning into the unexpected pleasure of the kiss. No part of his mouth was safe. Master explored him fully, filling Trellen with uncomfortable sensations that caused his cock to once more swell with need. What would it have been like if Luce had ever kissed me like this? If he’d kissed me at all?At last, Master withdrew, leaving Trellen breathless and trembling. “You enjoyed that,” his Master said, making it sound almost like an accusation, although there was so much amusement in his tone, Trellen had no difficulty imagining the smile on his face. Except he had no idea what his Master’s face looked like. “When can I see you?”Master brushed the hair from Trellen’s face and pressed another, much softer, kiss Trellen’s his lips. “When you tell me what it is you truly fear, I will bring in as many glow orbs as your heart desires. Then and only then will you see me.” Trellen waivered—but then shook his head. To reveal his fears—his real fears, not just the things every Cetacean was afraid of—would be to risk having them exploited. And has he not already exploiting my fear of darkness?Master heaved a sigh. “Have it your way, Pretty. But now,” he shifted, so that Trellen could feel Master’s hard cock against his leg, “it is your turn to satisfy my need.”







Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Tentacles and Chain (ch. 6)

Just in case you hadn't heard, Dreamspinner is having a sale!

That makes this the perfect time to get those titles you've been thinking about.

My friend Shira Anthony just released another Blue Notes book, Dissonance, which I am *so* looking forward to.

Of course if you like mermen, you should check out Shira's Mermen of Ea Series. And, the awesomely talented Gus Li, who did the cover for Tentacles and Chain, has a new book out called Wine and Roses. 
Of course if you're enjoying  Tentacles and Chain and want to read more of my stuff , it's there to  :) Dreamspinnerpress.com
Chapter Six
TRELLEN steeled himself against the inevitable, gripping the chains that secured his wrists to the ceiling. He swore to Kaia he wouldn’t react this time—but it was no use. Master touched the slit covered his pe—his cock—and a shiver ran down Trellen’s spine, causing him to moan. 
Cock. 
It was an ugly, vulgar word, but what better way to describe what was happening to him but ugly and vulgar? His body seemed to have a mind of its own, and one completely devoid of decency, because more than anything, he wanted Master’s hand around his member.
My cock.
His head lolled back against a powerful shoulder and he squeezed his eyes shut as if that could somehow make this all go away. But Master didn’t stop. He slid one finger into the slit and Trellen whimpered. “Please.” Don’t. He bit his lip and gripped the chains so hard he was sure his knuckles were turning white. “Please,” he all but sobbed as his hips bucked forward. 
Master touched his cock, sending a jolt of pleasure speeding through Trellen’s whole body. 
Cock.
Cock, cock, cock.
He repeated the word in his head over and over Maser caressed the organ in question, bringing it to its full length so that it jutted obscenely out of its protective slit. 
“Very nice,” Master crooned in his ear. He took hold of Trellen’s cock and began to stroke it very, very slowly, making Trellen squirm with frustration.
Shame burned in his face, but he couldn’t seem to shop his hips from rocking back and forth in time with the rhythm of Master’s hand. Goddess, what was happening to him? It was like there was a wave inside him, forever mounting, but never crashing against the shore, because somehow, no matter how close it seemed, the shore kept moving further back, making it unreachable.
“Very good, Pretty. You cannot tell me you aren’t enjoying this every bit as much as I am.” As Master spoke, he rubbed his own erection against Trellen’s spine as if to prove how much he was enjoying Trellen’s misery. 
Trellen bit his lip to try and stop the noises coming out of his mouth, soft moans and whimpers, but it was as difficult to be silent as it was to be still. Soft lips pressed against Trellen’s neck and Master slid his other hand around Trellen’s waist. He caressed his stomach…his hip…he slid his hand around to the front of Trellen’s tail. 
“Goddess, please don’t,” Trellen breathed, when Master touched his anal slit. “Please. Don’t. Don’t!” He tried to jerk away from the unwanted touch, but it was no use. Master held him tight and caressed his entrance. “Not there. Don’t touch—”
“Shhhh.” Master continued rubbing his cock, using slow, smooth strokes. “Tell me why I should not touch you wherever I desire.” His tone was gentle. Patient. He feathered another kiss to Trellen’s shoulder. 
“B-because….” Because decent people didn’t do that to one another! “It…it’s a…a private place.” Each word was a struggle to get out. 
“Do you not belong to me in your entirety?” Master asked, as he skimmed his fingertip over Trellen’s anal slit once more. 
Trellen whimpered and bit his lip. He did. “Why do you want to touch me there?”
“Because I wish to make you feel good.”
“But I don’t want—” the sudden intrusion, one slender finger penetrating his most private crevice, made him gasp. 
“But I do,” Master countered. “You are mine. Every inch of you belongs to me and I will touch you where and how I please.” He slid his finger deeper and Trellen’s shame rose—shame at the obscenity being forced on him, and shame in the spark of Lightning that ignited in his veins, pleasure so intense it was almost painful. One finger became two, and Master not only slid them in and out, causing flash after flash of Lightning to course through Trellen’s body, but he scissored them back and forth, splaying Trellen’s opening wide in a vulgar display.
Trellen struggled against the invasion. “Please—oh!” He cried and clutched the chains holding him tight. Was it possible to die of too much pleasure? “Please!” More? Stop? He didn’t know what he wanted anymore. 
“You are mine,” Master whispered into his ear, his tone was tender, despite the abuse he was inflicting on Trellen’s body and soul. “Every part of you belongs to me. And every part of you is on display for my enjoyment. From now on, your pleasure comes only from me.” With that, he inserted a third finger while at the same time pumping Trellen’s cock at a furious pace.
All Trellen could do was ride out the storm of pleasure—shame—until it finally crashed over him, pulling him under. He cried out as his orgasm erupted into the water. 
Master held him as he shook. Sobbed. Trellen had never felt so vulnerable. So humiliated. 
So sated. 
“Shhhh,” Master caressed his chest and kissed the back of his neck. “You are so beautiful, my Pretty,” he murmured. “Truly, there is nothing to be ashamed of.” 
It was only then that Trellen realized he wasn’t the only one who had come. Master’s cock was slack against his back. 
Master’s lips curled up into a smile against Trellen’s skin as if he’d noticed Trellen’s silent observation. “You see what you did to me, Pretty? Watching your ecstasy was enough to bring me to my own completion. But rest assured, the next time I will take my pleasure from you in a far more direct way.” He pressed one last  kiss to Trellen’s neck then slowly unfurled his tentacles and released the chains. 
Trellen slumped to the floor. Next time. 
The prospect terrified him.
Thrilled him. 
He wanted it. 
He hated himself for it.  
And I can never go home again. Despite Trellen’s certainty that it would never happen, a short hour was all it had taken to corrupt his soul. Otherwise I wouldn’t have enjoyed that so much. 
“Come.” Master touched his shoulder. 
This time Trellen didn’t hesitate. He accepted his Master’s hand and allowed himself to be brought upright. “What now?” He was almost afraid to ask. 
“Now you should rest, my Pretty.” He pulled Trellen close and began moving through the darkness. 
“Where…where are you taking me?” Please, not back to that tiny cell. 
“To someplace comfortable. Someplace safe.” 
Which didn’t answer the question, but Trellen was too afraid to push him, so he concentrated on trying to figure it out for himself—but it was useless. He could get no sense of direction in the dark. 
At last, they emerged from the narrow passage—Trellen could reach out and feel the rough, rocky walls—into a larger room. 
“Here we are,” Master announced, loosening his grip on Trellen’s waist.
“Will you let me have another glow orb?” he asked hopefully.
 Master guided him to the far wall and eased him onto a low bed of soft sand. “I will light the chamber when you tell me what you fear.”
“I told you. I fear the dark.”
“And I told you,” he countered, settling in next to Trellen, so that they sat side by side, “All Cetaceans fear the dark. I wish to know what you fear.” 
“I fear you.” 
Master chuckled. “All Cetaceans fear the ‘Unspeakable Ones’.” 
Though there was humor in his voice, there seemed to be something else as well. Sadness? But how could there be sadness? 
“Tell me, my Pretty, what have I done to cause you fear?”
“Besides bringing me here against my will?”
He conceded the point without irritation. “Yes. Besides that. Since you have been here, what have I done that was so terrible?” 
Trellen opened his mouth but then shut it again. What had just happened was terrible. But I want more. 
Master coaxed him to lie down, then he lay next to Trellen, one arm wrapped around Trellen’s body, but the other…if Trellen had to guess, he would say that Master was propped up on one elbow, looking at him. “When you tell me what it is you truly fear, I will light the chamber as bright as you like.” He feathered a soft kiss to Trellen’s temple. “Now sleep. You’ve earned it and tomorrow…tomorrow will bring new pleasures for us both.” 
He snuggled in next to Trellen, holding him close, and that brought a strange and unexpected measure of comfort as the darkness of uneasy sleep replaced the darkness of uncomfortable reality. 

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A number of people have asked me why I'm not charging any money for  Tentacles and Chain  and have suggested putting out a virtual "tip jar" for donations.What I'd really like to do is ask anyone who is so inclined to donate a couple of bucks to my fundraising effort for AIDS Walk Detroit. (CLICK HERE to go directly to my donation site and hit the big red "Give Now" button; unfortunately, they only take credit cards *sigh*) Anyone who knows me, knows how important HIV awareness and education is to me. In the past few years, our funding has been seriously cut (along with everyone else's because let's face it, the economy has seen better days). That means that fundraising efforts like this are more important than ever. I know I always feel like my $5 or $10 isn't enough to make a difference, but believe me: every little bit counts, because those small donations (even $1 and $2 donations) add up. If you're enjoying this story and both want and are able to support me, please support a cause I believe in.And if you're not in a position to give money (and believe me, I get that, too!) give some time. It doesn't have to be a big commitment, just take the time to make sure you understand HIV and AIDS, because the more people who understand it, the better off we'll be, not just in terms of stopping the spread of the disease, but in ending the stigma that goes along with it.Thanks, guys!

About Our OrganizationAIDS Walk Detroit provides financial support for programs in HIV prevention, education and services for HIV positive individuals. The organization promotes public awareness through events and activities to ensure people living with HIV/AIDS are treated with dignity and respect. To Contact Us: Phone: 248-399-9255 Fax: 248-399-3458 Address: P.O. Box 1618 Royal Oak, MI 48068-9879Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

This is me, not giving a f*^#

I would say "please excuse my language," but a) that would lessen the message here and b) if you know me, you know that I swear. 

The other night, I was talking to a friend about a workshop I'm considering doing down the road where the material is considered controversial to a small segment of the local community. This is nothing romance related or even writing related--but the conversation about it is relevant to my life as a writer and I realized that my reactions to my friend's suggestion were the direct result of having my work published and therefore put before public scrutiny.
In other words, I've learned how not to give a fuck. It's not always easy. I'm insecure and I don't like upsetting people, and I truly loathe conflict. But I've learned that as much as I might wish otherwise, it simply isn't possible not to piss people off. That might be doubly true in the M/M community.
The conversation with my friend went something along these lines (this is only paraphrasing):
Me: X Group will probably be pissed off by the workshop I want to teach. [They have very specific ideas about certain things and I don't share their opinions.]Her: Okay. Well. How do you intend to mitigate that?Me: I don't.Her:  ??Me: I can't control other people's opinions. Her: Well. That's not completely true. You can change what you're going to teach and how you're going to teach it. You don't want to stir up a hornet's next.Me: No of course not. I'm not planning anything intentionally inflammatory, but I've seen what these guys have to say. I know that some of them aren't going to like the way I'm doing this because we don't share the same philosophy. But that's not my problem. It's theirs.  Her: You can talk to them and ask what you can change to make them less unhappy with your workshop.Me: Um. No. 
The actual conversation lasted at a somewhat painful forty minutes. My friend honestly believes that it is not only possible but advisable for me to change the way a group I don't belong to (and don't want to belong to because of that whole "we don't share the same philosophies" thing) thinks about me. All I have to do is change the presentation of my material to something they find acceptable (or at least a majority of them would find acceptable).  Me? I'm mystified someone (even a good friend) would care so much what someone total strangers think about me. 
Don't get me wrong, of course I want to be liked and respected, but at forty five, I've finally started to figure out that you can't please all of the people all of the time. At best, you can please some of the people some of the time--and that means that you're going to piss off some of the people some of the time, too. 
And this is almost an exact echo of conversations I've had with other writers. When a  reader leaves a negative review or dings an author for something, we tend to get very sensitive to that subject. We ask ourselves and our colleagues "should I do this again?" or we say "My character wants to do THIS, but I know how much readers hate that. What do I do?"
To quote my friend Grace Duncan, the answer is this: Write the story that needs to be written. That may mean pissing off readers who don't like threesomes or cheating spouses. That may mean pissing off readers who don't like angst or too much sex. That may mean pissing off readers who want more sex. That may mean pissing off readers who don't like BDSM or vampires or shifters (but buy your book about BDSM vampires having alternately too much and too little sex with their shifter lovers anyway because no matter what we write, somebody is going to be pissed off about it.)
As storytellers, we have a responsibility to tell our characters' stories. 
And yes, it's easier said than done.
All creative types are sensitive. We want people to love what we produce. 
That's why we're encouraged to grow thick skins because someone, somewhere is going to hate what we've done. We have to learn to shake it off and keep working.
And that's what happened to me the other night with my friend. Of course I don't enjoy pissing people off and I (almost never) do it intentionally, but I realize it's inevitable. 
If people from X Group don't like my workshop, guess what? They don't have to show up for it. Their opinions are simply not my problem (for the record: I'm not saying their philosophy is wrong, I'm simply presenting my own take on a particular subject.)  
I honestly hadn't realized until that moment how much of a fuck I didn't give about what people think of me anymore. And it was very liberating.
Of course as an author, I don't want to intentionally piss off my readers (I love my readers!) Beyond that, when you buy my books, you pay my bills. But I know I can't make every reader happy. I have to write the stories that I need to write. Fortunately, there are enough super-awesome authors out there that every reader can find one or two or ten that they can fall in love with. Likewise, there are enough super-awesome readers out there that one or two or ten can fall in love with me. 
I do believe that as authors, we have a responsibility to be sensitive to certain topics. If you have a story that contains or even mentions acts of abuse, rape (on or off page), self-injury, threesomes, or cheating, or other well-known triggers, it is only fair and appropriate to warn people up front. At that point, the reader can decide for themselves whether or not a book is for them. 
What isn't fair is expect us to walk around on eggshells worrying about who we're going to piss off or worse, expecting us to avoid subjects because they are triggers. (Or change the way I want to teach a workshop--a way that works for me--to avoid pissing off people who seem an awful lot like that loud minority of M/M authors and readers who don't want women writing or even reading M/M.)
I've learned a very important lesson these last few years: (and yes, it is completely at odds with what my friend was trying to tell me the other night):  no matter how hard you try, you cannot control what other people think or how they're going to react. All you can do is live your own life to the fullest, do the things that make you happy, and let others do the same. 
My friend has every right to put her energy into mitigating the opinions of the people around her if that makes her happy. 
I choose to put my energy into writing what I love, teaching what I love, and doing what I love. I choose to not care what others think of me (or at least to continue to growing a nice thick skin and not worry so much about ruffling a few feathers as I dance through the remainder of this life).

I choose not to conform to other people's ideas and opinions but rather to form and value my own. I choose to express myself.

Does this make me selfish? Probably. But like I said, I'm forty five years old. I have a finite amount of time left on this planet. I don't want to spend it worrying about offending other people to the point where I feel the need to change how I teach or what I write. 
I do feel I owe it to my readers, my colleagues, and my publisher to comport myself in a professional manner. I owe it to my teachers to behave in a way that will reflect well on them. I owe it to my friends to be supportive and to be there when they need me.

What I do not owe anyone is to change myself for their comfort.

I don't owe the members of X Group to go out of my way not to offend their sensibilities.

I owe them civility; I owe them courtesy. I certainly owe them the right to their opinion. But I am under no obligation to be swayed by that opinion; I am under no obligation to attempt to change anyone's opinion of me.

Truthfully, I think that would be a disservice to them as well as to myself.  



Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Tentacles and Chain Ch. 5.

Chapter Five

TRELLEN’S heart beat faster as deceptively gentle hands—or at least he presumed the gentleness was a deception—pulled his arms away from his body. Too afraid to do anything else, he remained posed like that, his arms out, his body on display, while the water shifted around him. He had the sense that Master was circling him, like a shark stalking its next meal.

Was it too much to hope that the Unspeakable One would find some fault in him that would make him undesirable?

Or did it matter?

Even if he was flawed, he could still be used. Trellen shivered. Why didn’t the monster simply take what he wanted and get it over with? As long moments ticked past, it became harder and harder for Trellen to resist the urge to wrap his arms back around his midsection, to give himself whatever meager protection he could against what he imagined was to come. But he’d given his word.

He would submit without fighting, and what was he worth if he didn’t keep his word? Even when it’s to a monster. It wasn’t the integrity of the other person that mattered; it was his own. The Unspeakable One may violate his body, but he would never taint Trellen’s soul. Never. He would hold onto that no matter what. Because what good is it to plot my escape if I can never return home?

He jumped as a hard, cold metal ring was fitted around left wrist. Instinctively, he started to pull away—but then yielded and allowed Master to fasten the circlet in place. “Very good, Pretty,” he crooned. “I do realize this is difficult for you.”

Absently, Trellen nodded. The other probably did realize it was difficult. And he probably takes sick pleasure in it, too. A moment later, Trellen’s other wrist was similarly fitted and Master raised both of Trellen’s arms over his head, spreading them wide. Something dangled there in the darkness, hanging down from above.

“What—?”

But the tip of one of Master’s tentacles brushed against his lips, silencing him. “Shhhh. You have no need to ask questions. I will not keep you waiting long.” He secured one of Trellen’s wrists and then the other to what Trellen quickly figured out was sturdy chain, hanging down from the chamber’s ceiling.

Fear and anger seized him at once. “Why do you restrain me?”

But the Unspeakable one didn’t answer. Instead he lifted the chain hanging from Trellen’s collar and fastened it overhead as well, though it hung more slack than the taut chains holding Trellen’s wrists.

Trellen struggled against his bonds, but the heavy chain held fast. “I said I wouldn’t fight! Have I not been true to my word?”

Trellen’s only answer was the soft caress of Master’s fingertips, ghosting down his arms. Once again, Trellen was filled with equal measures of delight and disgust. Why must his touch feel so good?

“You have nothing to fear, Pretty. You have been most obedient—but you do still fight.”

“I do not!”

“Shhhhh. You do. But it is all right.” Master continued to explore Trellen’s body. His chest. His stomach. The soft sounds of approval coming from him made Trellen shiver. If he could just close his eyes and pretend it was Luce maybe it wouldn’t be so bad—but when Master came to his penile slit, instinct made Trellen buck and pull away.

Master encircled his tail with a tentacle, effectively putting an end to Trellen’s struggles. “Be still, Pretty, and accept my touch.”

Trellen sagged in defeat. “I’m sorry.” He was sorry he’d gone back on his word and fought, but even more so, he was sorry for the way his body reacted, becoming increasingly aroused as the other male touched his private places.

Master used his other hand to cup Trellen’s cheek and tilt it up, perhaps so he could see Trellen’s face. “You do not need to apologize, Pretty. You have been taught that so many wonderful things are vile and wrong. I cannot blame you for the lies that others have put in your head.”
“But it is wrong.” Only he didn’t sound very convincing, even to his own ears.

“What makes it so?” Master sounded amused. It was infuriating—except it was very hard to concentrate on being angry when Master was tracing the line of Trellen’s penile slit with one fingertip, making Trellen quiver, making his blood surge and his better judgment cloud over. “Is it wrong merely because someone else says so?” Master asked. “What if I tell you it is not wrong at all?”

“But you’re—” He bit his lip.

Master chuckled, clearly unperturbed at the accusation he must know had died on Trellen’s lips. “Tell me, Pretty, do you believe everything your Elders tell you?”

He didn’t. But….but what? He could barely think straight; his whole body was thrumming with need. “Please stop.”

“You should never be afraid or ashamed of your own pleasure,” Master told him gently. “Or someone else’s.” He feathered a soft kiss to Trellen’s cheek and whispered in his ear. “There is much I can teach you if you will allow me, my Pretty, but first you must let go of your inhibitions.” And with that, he withdrew completely.

Trellen cried out at the sudden loss of contact. What was wrong with him? “Please. Just…just do whatever you’re going to do and get it over with!”

Master let out a disappointed sounding sigh and laid both hands on Trellen’s hips. “I will be patient with you,” he said, his tone that of one addressing a petulant child. “For I knew the first time I saw you, that you were a beautiful flower worth possessing. But some flowers must be tended carefully if they are ever to bloom—and I would so love to see you blossom, my Pretty.”

The words ricocheted through Trellen’s head and for a moment the world stopped moving. The first time. Has he been watching me? For how long? But he wasn’t given much time to think about it, for while he’d been stunned into motionless silence, Master had been busy and Trellen suddenly realized that a heavy chain had been secured around his tail, just above his tailfin. He pulled at it, but it was too short to allow for much movement. He was truly helpless.

“Easy, my Pretty.” Master’s voice came from behind him now. “I know that Cetaceans fear being bound nearly as much as you fear the dark—or perhaps, what you really fear are the monsters who hide within the dark.” One tentacle slithered up Trellen’s tail, until it encircled his waist once more. Master used it to caress Trellen’s stomach and at the same time rested both his hands on Trellen’s shoulders. “You fear the unknown, although in that, you are hardly unique.” He slipped another tentacle around Trellen’s waist, this time from the other side, and then another and another, until Trellen’s tail was completely encased.

His heart beat harder and he gulped in water faster than his gills could process it. The creature could crush every bone in his tail if he chose! “Please—”

“Hush, Pretty.” He wrapped two more tentacles snuggly around Trellen’s chest causing fear to explode in Trellen’s heart. Only the chains and the Unspeakable One’s incredible strength kept Trellen from breaking his promise again and thrashing against his bonds.

Master pressed a kiss to the back of Trellen’s neck and Trellen whimpered. Heat rushed through his body. Kisses were so…intimate. And Master’s lips were so soft. So gentle. It was all too confusing.

Master continued to kiss him, to caress his skin, until Trellen’s breathing evened out, until he no longer had the urge to break free. He could hate himself all he wanted, but he couldn’t deny the pleasure he took in the other male’s touch.

But then something long and hard rubbed up against Trellen’s spine and his froze.

“Do you feel that?” Master asked, sounding amused. “Do you know what it is?”

Shame strangled the words in Trellen’s throat and all he could do was nod.

“What is it then?” Master persisted, teasing, even as he began to rub the part in question up and down along Trellen’s lower back. The sensation caused a new flood of uncomfortable desires. “Come now, you can speak. It’s only a word. Will you not say one word at your Master’s command?”

Trellen clenched his fists. It was just a word. I agreed to this. “P—”

But the tip of one of Master’s tentacles pressed against his lips. “Tut-tut. The word I am looking for begins with a different letter.” And the tentacle was gone again. He slid the organ in question up and down Trellen’s spine, past his waist, making Trellen shudder. “Come, my Pretty. What is this thing that causes you so much delight, hmm? I can feel the heat in your skin. You will never convince me that you are not enjoying this.”

“I…please.”

“There is no shame in a word. Words are but collections of sounds used to communicate our needs and desires. Tell me, what is the name of this thing that causes you to squirm so delightfully for me?”

Defeated, Trellen gave in. “Your cock.”

“Very good, Pretty!” He sounded so pleased. “Now, let us find your cock, shall we?” Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Yearnin' For Some Learnin' – RainbowCon 2015

Educational content at GLBTQ conferences can sometimes be particularly slim. Sure, there are all those fun topics about fandom, and you'll probably learn something by attending them, but if you're looking for some content to really sink your teeth into? Most of the time you'll be out of luck. But not at RainbowCon! RainbowCon is a four-day conference that focuses on GLBTQ topics and persons across various media. Our main goal with the conference is to bring people together who love and support the GLBTQ community through all the artistic forms. Our content spans from fiction, television, and movies, to fandom, theatre, and visual media like web comics, all with a decidedly QUILTBAG perspective. With GLBTQ topics slowly becoming more visible in the media, education can be exceptionally important, and we wanted to highlight such content at RainbowCon. Here are a few places you'll see educational material at our 2015 convention, which runs July 16th through 19th, 2015 in Tampa, Florida. First Exposure Panels – We have panels scattered throughout our con schedule that focus on education for topics that might be completely new to some con-goers. There are con-specific panels such as Con Etiquette 101 and Dealing With Con Harassment, for those who are attending a major event for the first time. There are also panels geared toward educating attendees about various parts of the QUILTBAG spectrum that are less visible or misunderstood (e.g. Bisexual Mythbusters, What is Genderqueer?, and the differences between CD/TV/TS). These panels are meant to be introductions to both the con-going and GLBTQ communities. Social & Political Panels – Never ones to shy away from the tougher topics, we've incorporated a number of panels into RainbowCon that deal with social and political areas of the GLBTQ community as well. Stop by for discussions about current events, confronting bullying, how to be an ally, marriage equality, queerbaiting, and even tips for getting kids reading QUILTBAG-positive literature. Workshops – For those looking for education on a skill level, writers can enjoy our offering of several workshops intended to improve various aspects of their craft. Perspective/POV, worldbuilding, dialogue, villains... There are plenty of topics to be covered, and we hope writers will have a fantastic time and find every workshop they take to be helpful with their writing, whether it's a hobby or a full-time career. Just be sure to jump on these when RSVPs open up; space is limited! Field Trip – Our big field trip for the 2015 event is to take a tour at Tampa Bay's Big Cat Rescue, which has been providing a sanctuary to big cats from near and far. Even this trip will be an educational experience, as the guides on the tours share the stories of their various residents and details about the different species that make up this majestic sect of the animal kingdom. Space is limited, so if you attend, be sure to RSVP when you register. There is a small additional fee for this event, since it is off-site, but as residents of the Tampa area who have been on these tours ourselves, we can tell you that it's truly an experience not to be missed! So, whether you're looking for something light and fun, or really want to delve deeper into the more complicated topics of the QUILTBAG community, RainbowCon really is a fantastic chance to expand those horizons in a safe environment amongst others who enjoy and support QUILTBAG art. JOIN US and Celebrate Artistic Diversity!
 
Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Tentacles and Chain (Ch. 4)

Chapter Four
There was movement in the darkness and for a moment, Trellen thought the monster had left—but then the water’s scent turned acidic again and he knew the Unspeakable One was still near.“You will come here,” said the monster. “And lower yourself to me.”Swallowing back a mouthful of bile, Trellen did as he was bidden, slumping to the floor in front of the heavy bars, trying—and failing—not to tremble.“You will not look up.”Trellen merely nodded and lowered his chin, closing his eyes so that he felt rather than saw the arms that pressed between the bars and the hands—the fingers that seemed like his—that fastened something around his neck.A collar.As soon as the hands left his neck, Trellen reached up to feel it. It was slender and made of some kind of metal, like the bars—but it was smooth, not corroded, and held in place by some sort of locking mechanism he couldn’t open.“Hands to your sides, now,” the Unspeakable One said in a gentle, patient tone that did nothing to allay the shame welling up in Trellen’s heart.But he did as he was told. “Can I see you now?” He hated the weakness of his voice.“In time. First you must tell me if you have ever tasted another male’s cock.”Trellen’s breath caught in his throat and he shook his head. Cetaceans didn’t—no one talked like that, asked questions like that! He was aware of his sex, but to speak of it aloud…? Heat coursed through his body. Even when his father had taken him aside to discuss the way of nature, of procreation and pleasure, he hadn’t been so blunt. So vulgar. All in all, the talk had lasted a very short time and left both Trellen and his father feeling uncomfortable.“Has anyone ever tasted your cock, Pretty?” the Unspeakable One asked unabashedly.Trellen shook his head again.Long, thin fingers—fingers that ended in black, hooked talons—grasped his chin and tilted it so he was looking up into the darkness, toward where he imagined the Unspeakable One’s face might be. The glow orb was too far behind Trellen for its light to penetrate the water beyond the bars. All Trellen could see was that the Unspeakable One’s skin was pale, but it was impossible to tell its color because of the orb’s strange green glow.“Have you known any pleasure?” the monster asked.Yes. He knew the pleasure of the Blue, the joy of filtered sunlight on his back. He knew what it was to breach the surface and taste the air, behold the scintillating yellow glow of the sun—it was blinding, but then Trellen would dive back below the cool waves, which felt all the better for the few moments he’d spent in the unveiled sunlight.But that wasn’t what the Unspeakable one was asking, so Trellen shook his head. He had not known the pleasure of another Cetacean’s touch. And it’s doubtful I ever will unless I find some way out of this place.As Trellen’s eyes became more and more accustomed to the never-ending darkness, he thought he could make out the other male’s shape, a shadow against the greater darkness beyond, that was vaguely hominid except for the long, thick tentacles that grew where a Cetacean’s tail would be.“Well?” said the Unspeakable One.Trellen shivered as the monster slid his thumb along his cheek in a caress both pleasant and uncomfortable: the former in that it made his skin tingle; the latter for exactly the same reason. Because if I enjoy the touch of a monster, what does that make me? It was a mightily unsettling thought.The Unspeakable One continued, “This is an interesting turn of events. I had not anticipated the pleasure of breaking you in.”“Wh-what does that mean?”He chuckled. “I’m sure you can figure that out on your own, my Pretty.”  A cold knot of fear congealed in his gut. The Unspeakable one might sound pleased by the prospect “breaking him in,” but Trellen was sure he wasn’t going to enjoy it at all.Trellen was ordered to rise and did so numbly. The Unspeakable One reached attached a chain to his collar, further demoralizing his spirit. Then the hand was gone and Trellen heard strange sounds, metal on metal, and suddenly the bars swung open and there nothing between him and the Unspeakable One.“Come, my Pretty.”Trellen couldn’t move. “The glow—”“Will not be necessary. Come.” He held out his hand—the one not holding the other end of the chain leash—as if he expected Trellen to take it. “Wait. Please.” But he’d agreed to this. He said he would submit, that he wouldn’t fight. It’s the only chance I have to escape. Clearly the Unspeakable One meant to take him from his prison, and that meant he could look for a way out. If I survive that long.  “Y-you never said, what am I to call you,” he said, stalling for time.“Master.”Trellen felt weak.“Come,” the Unspeakable One repeated, gesturing with his outstretched hand, beckoning Trellen to lay his own hand within it. “You’ve given your word. You will submit to my pleasure or I will leave you here.”It took all of his willpower, but he laid his hand within the…my Master’s hand. Master’s skin was cold to the touch and there was webbing between his long, barbed fingers that Trellen hadn’t noticed before. His breath caught yet again as Master twined their fingers together. The gesture was oddly intimate and sent a shiver of pleasure down Trellen’s spine. How could he hate somebody who excited his body with a simple touch?But how can I take any pleasure from a monster who wants to use me, break me in? Because he knew what it meant—or at least he suspected. He will make me lie beneath him. He will force his…. He swallowed hard. There could only be one reason why Master wanted to know if Trellen had ever tasted another male’s member.Master gave a gentle tug to Trellen’s hand, coaxing him forward into the darkness. “Tell me what you fear,” he said, his tone as gentle as his touch.But it didn’t matter how gentle his tone, Trellen felt sure the Unspeakable One would use his fears against him if he admitted them. He shook his head, refusing to speak.“Unless you wish me to become cross with you,” Master warned, “you must answer me when I ask you a question, and honestly, at that.”Trellen swallowed hard and forced himself to speak. “I fear the dark.” It was true enough, especially when he was being led through the darkness by a monster—it just wasn’t what he feared most.But Master snorted out a laugh. “All Cetaceans fear the dark, my Pretty. What do you fear?”He opened his mouth but then shut it again. But he didn’t have a choice, he had to say something. “I fear what you’re going to do to me.”“Yet you accepted my offer.” He sounded intrigued. “And if I am not mistaken, you don’t find my touch wholly unwelcome.”“I can’t help the way my body reacts.” He sounded defensive even to his own ears.“There is no shame in taking pleasure in another’s touch, Pretty.”Trellen tensed as he felt the other’s hand—the one that held the end of the leash—snake around his waist.“The passage narrows. You must let me lead you through the darkness you fear so much. Besides, one thing you must never fear is being close to me. Another is speaking your mind—especially when it comes to pleasure. I’ve never understood the Cetacean propensity to repress sexual desire.”“We do no such thing!”He laughed again. “You blush at the mere mention of the word ‘cock’.” “That’s because it’s a disgusting word.”“Says who?” he asked, continuing to sound amused.“What do you know of…?” But the angry words died behind the lips Trellen shut tight. It would in no way be wise to anger his Master by calling him a monster and demanding to know what he knew of common decency. If Trellen was going to survive this, he would have to learn to curb not only his curiosity, but his tongue as well. “How do you know what Cetaceans think?” he asked in a more civil tone.“I know what I see. Your kind are a sad, repressed lot who take no joy in the beauty of the open sea, but rather hide behind your coral reefs, afraid of boogie men in the dark. All but you,” he added, and stroked Trellen’s chin.It was all he could do not to recoil away from the unwanted affection. “I am afraid of boogie men in the dark.”Master pulled him closer. “So you are, my Pretty. But fears can be unlearned.”Trellen doubted that, but kept his thoughts to himself. He felt another door open, but the chamber beyond was as black as the one they’d just passed through. “What is this place?”“My home. And yours, too.”“Do you never light it?”“I have no need to.”So you really will use my fears against me.Master led him a short way farther and then stopped, turning Trellen to face him, making Trellen wonder how much the Unspeakable One could see. It seemed to be a great deal. “Stay still, just where you are,” he instructed and dropped both Trellen’s hand and the long chain. Then he moved away and Trellen was suddenly very alone and very cold. He wrapped his arms around his midsection, wishing more than ever that he could see something—anything—in the darkness, just so he would know what was happening.There was movement, the clinking of metal against metal. He felt the currents change again as Master moved around the chamber, and the knots tightened in Trellen’s gut as his imagination began to run wild. “What…what are you going to do to me?” he asked, when he couldn’t take it a second longer.Out of nowhere, he felt Master’s fingers stroking his cheek and much to his shame, Trellen leaned into the cold, alien touch.Master’s answer, however, chilled him to the bone: “I’m going to teach you something of pleasure, my Pretty, because it seems to me that your education has been sadly lacking.”



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A number of people have asked me why I'm not charging any money for Tentacles and Chain and have suggested putting out a virtual "tip jar" for donations.What I'd really like to do is ask anyone who is so inclined to donate a couple of bucks to my fundraising effort for AIDS Walk Detroit. (CLICK HERE to go directly to my donation site and hit the big red "Give Now" button; unfortunately, they only take credit cards *sigh*) Anyone who knows me, knows how important HIV awareness and education is to me. In the past few years, our funding has been seriously cut (along with everyone else's because let's face it, the economy has seen better days). That means that fundraising efforts like this are more important than ever. I know I always feel like my $5 or $10 isn't enough to make a difference, but believe me: every little bit counts, because those small donations (even $1 and $2 donations) add up. If you're enjoying this story and both want and are able to support me, please support a cause I believe in.And if you're not in a position to give money (and believe me, I get that, too!) give some time. It doesn't have to be a big commitment, just take the time to make sure you understand HIV and AIDS, because the more people who understand it, the better off we'll be, not just in terms of stopping the spread of the disease, but in ending the stigma that goes along with it.Thanks, guys!

About Our OrganizationAIDS Walk Detroit provides financial support for programs in HIV prevention, education and services for HIV positive individuals. The organization promotes public awareness through events and activities to ensure people living with HIV/AIDS are treated with dignity and respect. To Contact Us: Phone: 248-399-9255 Fax: 248-399-3458 Address: P.O. Box 1618 Royal Oak, MI 48068-9879




Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Tentacles and Chain (Ch. 3)

oops... Okay, I'm just going to say it here. I sent this to print without double checking my #1 homophone nemesis.  I apologize. Please forgive me for "lightening" instead of "lightning." I'll get it fixed for the second edition, but winners of the first edition are stuck with the typo. *hangs head in shame* (unless that makes it a collectors edition?  *G*  Seriously, sorry guys!)




And now, back to your regularly scheduled update.... 
Chapter Three
Trellen slumped to the floor. The implication of the words was clear. This was a one-time offer. He could either accept it or…or rot here.But what kind of choice was that? To belong to—to be violated by—a monster, or to never see the Blue again? Blessed Kaia…. But surely the Goddess had turned her back on him or he wouldn’t be there. And what makes me think that if I say yes, he’ll ever let me swim in sunlight again? For all I know, he’ll keep me in this cage no matter what I choose.Trellen wrapped his arms around his tail and tried not to give into growing despair. The thought of never again tasting the air above the waves, never again swimming through the sparkling blue waters, never seeing the sun or feeling its warmth on his skin…. Why hadn’t the Unspeakable One just killed him? Death would be more merciful than this.What does a monster know of mercy?But perhaps, just perhaps, if he agreed, he could find a means of escape. Was it too much to hope for?And is freedom really worth the cost? The Unspeakable One’s desires were clear. He would taint my body. My soul. The worst part was that Trellen wasn’t sure he would hate it. “Can…can I see your face?” Maybe it would be easier to say “yes” if the monster didn’t look like a monster.“If you say agree to be mine to do with as I please, I assure you that you will see all of me, my Pretty, not just my face. If you decline, there is no need for you to see my face.”Trellen swallowed back another lump in his throat. “Can…will you allow me some time to think about it?” “Of course, my Pretty. But I will expect your answer when I return.” The tentacles slipped back through the bars of the cage. But true to his word, the Unspeakable One didn’t touch him. He only dropped a small net full of thick sagren leaves near Trellen’s tail.There was a shift in the current and the Unspeakable One was gone.Trellen was too stunned to move for many minutes. Sagren leaves were his favorite, and they only grew in the Blue. And only inside the reef. Or a reef. Though it wasn’t a common sea vegetable, Trellen was sure it wasn’t unique to his colony. But how far did he bring me? There were no other islands nearby.Trellen picked up the net and unwrapped the leaves.How did he know these were my favorite food? Or was it mere coincidence? But then why seek out one of the rarer leaves when there are so many more common vegetables growing all over the sea? Did the monster have a spark of mercy—or at least compassion—in his soul after all?Impossible….Or was it?Hunger belayed further consideration of the question and he lifted one of the leaves to his nose; it smelled green and fresh, and made his mouth water and his stomach grumble with hunger. He bit into the leaf and sweet flavor filled his mouth. It could truly only have been picked within the last hour; sagren lost its sweetness after the leaves were plucked from their stems. Trellen quickly devoured the leaf and picked up another. Was this a hint of how he could expect to be treated if he accepted the offer, or a trick?But why trick me? He could take what he wanted. The Unspeakable One’s strength surpassed anything Trellen had ever encountered or even imagined. And with tentacles as well as arms—or at least I think he has arms…. Uncomfortable images painted themselves in his mind.Trellen shook himself. No, he had to believe that the Unspeakable One was similar to him, that he had arms and…male anatomy. He shuddered.“If you agree to be mine to do with as I please….”Goddess, how could he agree to that?But would it make any difference if the Unspeakable One were female? If there was a difference between males and females of his kind.Maybe it was both male and female.Or maybe it was neither.Only Trellen doubted that, because it had certainly known its way around his anatomy.Heat rushed to his cheeks again. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t deny the pleasure in the other male’s touch. He couldn’t deny….Lucien. Was that why he’d woken up in this dark, awful place, because Kaia was punishing him for wondering what it would be like to touch his best friend? For dreams over which he had no control?He closed his eyes. Would it really be so bad to submit to something that had felt so good? Especially when it’s my only hope of finding a way out of this place? He could gain the beast’s trust and look for a means of escape. But to let my body be used, to let my soul be tainted…. It was too much to think about. He put down the leaves, no longer hungry. I wish I’d never left the safety of the colony today, never seen those stupid statues.After a long moment, Trellen picked up the tiny glow orb again and reexamined his cell by its dim light.Nothing had changed.The walls were still solid and unyielding, and no matter how hard he hit them with his tail they wouldn’t break. The bars were secure. He was left exhausted and disheartened. As long as he was held here, there was no hope of escape.And no one is going to come looking for me. When he didn’t return, they would all assume that either his curiosity had finally been the death of him or that he’d swum off into the Blue. No doubt his mother would worry and his father would be disappointed; his sisters and little brother would miss him, as would his friends. But it’s not as if I haven’t told them a thousand times how sick I am of the colony and the Elders and all the stupid restrictions they impose. Restrictions about exploring the sunken leviathans. Restrictions about leaving the colony alone.Restrictions about males touching other males.But it wasn’t just the Elders who said it was wrong. It was wrong.Perhaps out in the Blue I could have found…something. Anything to fix all the things wrong with me. Maybe he would have found his True Self, like the heroes in his favorite childhood tales. Few Cetaceans made journeys out to the open sea anymore, but history was full of tales of intrepid heroes and heroines who left home in search of the true purpose to their lives, their soul mates, or simply to seek adventure. He was younger than the heroes in those tales, but he had what his mother called an “itchy tail” that longed to swim free.He looked around his tiny cell again. Free. More than anything, he wanted to be free.But even if anyone suspects what’s really happened to me, no one would dare come to rescue me.Trellen wouldn’t want them to.
It was impossible to know how much time had passed before the Unspeakable One returned. Trellen couldn’t see anything beyond the meager, eerie green light of the glow, but he felt the other male’s presence, the shift in the current, the change in the taste of the water. After a moment of waiting for the other to say something, Trellen finally spoke. “I know you’re there.”“You say that like as if it’s an accusation, Pretty.” There was humor in his tone—irony—but the sound of the Unspeakable One’s voice still made fear trickle down Trellen’s spine. “It’s not as if I’m hiding my presence.”“But you won’t let me see you.”“Whether or not I reveal myself is conditional. That is not the same thing as hiding.”Trellen wasn’t sure he could fault the monster’s logic. “It doesn’t matter.”“You’ve made your decision, then?”He nodded. “I accept. I will be yours to do with as you please.” Kaia forgive me.“And you will not fight me?” He sounded surprised…and…pleased? Trellen’s gut churned. “You will submit to my pleasures? Of your own free will?”Shame flared in Trellen’s cheeks and he dropped his chin. “Yes.” It was the hardest word he’d ever forced passed his lips.




Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Life, Love, and Happiness

I've talked on and off over the past few months about depression and anyone who checks up on me via Facebook knows about the ongoing drama with the new house, the neighbor, and above all the water. (Still not sorted, but I have a much clearer picture of what's "wrong" with Detroit Water and Sewage: they have absolutely no system in place so that one person knows what the last person said or did; there is no communication between departments within the department, and I think their computer system must be related to HAL because it seems to do things all on its own. The people we have talked to are honestly awesome, but the *system* needs an overhaul).
Ahem. But. Today I wanted to talk about some of the awesome things the last year has brought.  :) Like most people, I sometimes (read: often) forget to focus on the positive.
[image error] Although I've been pretty bad the last week and not been to the gym, I've been working out pretty regularly since March or so and have lost about 40 lbs. Someone over the Fourth of July holiday asked me how I'd done it. The answer is really easy: I've watched my diet and gotten regular exercise. For the first month or so, I used a calorie counter online and spent a *lot* of days hungry. But I took off a good deal of weight and felt pretty happy. (Not a scary amount, like four pounds in one week, but the first few pounds are always water weight; if I'd continued losing like that, it would have been bad. My normal average is about one and a half pounds a week--some weeks one pound, some weeks, two.)  
I decided to drink more water and  cut out the sugar (except for in my coffee or the occasional glass of lemonaide). I switched to raw honey for cooking and started replacing a couple of my cups of coffee per day with cups of herbal tea because too much coffee makes my heart beat too fast. I happen to love cooking, so making my own food (i.e. getting away from boxes, cans, and frozen delights) was pretty easy for me. The crock pot became my very best friend in the kitchen. My rule now for packaged food is that if I can't read the ingredients without having to look them up, I avoid it. We never went out to eat too much, but when we do, I opt for the best menu choice possible and refuse to feel guilty over the occasional dish of calamari shared with my husband!
I don't follow fad diets, but I'm aware of things like the glycemic index and try to plan the best meals possible as well as the best possible over-all day for my diet. I practice portion control and eat smaller meals. Grandma used to call this approach "moderation." Grandma was seventy five years old when she died, stood five foot two and wore a size ten. I realize that by some standards she was "heavy" (yeah, right!) but in my eyes, she was lovely. 
I have about twenty pounds to go. I'll decide when I get "there" where "there" really is. Then I'll buy that corset I've always wanted but was afraid to buy because I always knew I would lose weight some day and I didn't want to buy a three hundred dollar corset twice (one for "fat" me and one for "healthy weight" me).  Ergo, I've been dreaming of corsets for fifteen years and probably should have just bitten the bullet and bought one for "fat" me anyway. 
[image error] But see, when you have the notion that you're fat, it can be hard to do nice things for yourself. And I've been living with the notion that I'm fat for a very, very long time, even when I weighed 115lbs (I stand about five feet tall, and really, I *am* big boned--or at least I have a larger bone structure. I have what I've affectionately deemed "good Russian hips, good for making baby!"  *G*)  
Back in high school, I stood exactly five feet tall. And, like I said, I weighed about 115 lbs (it fluctuated a bit, but that was my average weight.) If memory serves, I wore a size 10/12 in junior clothing--or a medium if it was sized that way. (And seriously, women's clothing *does* need to get standardized. Currently, if I'm shopping for day to day clothes, I'm a large or a an XL--still have those big hips!--but if I'm shopping for workout clothes, I'm a two or even THREE X.)
So anyway, back to high school. I looked hot. Okay, maybe I wasn't as thin as some of the other girls and I could have used more exercise, but I looked pretty darned good.
Only I didn't think so.
My aunts (including my aunt June who was... well...not thin) were constantly telling me that if I wasn't careful, I would end up like my mother (who wasn't especially heavy, just not as thin as she used to be.) Every time they saw my mother they whispered behind her back (but within my hearing) "Have you seen how fat Judy's getting???"  Seriously. She *wasn't* fat. She had health issues because she drank and smoked too much, but that's a different story. 
[image error] My self-image was further compounded by my band teacher/flag corps coach who told me point blank one day that I was seriously over weight and at my height, I should weigh about 95 lbs. (I honestly feel sorry for his daughter. Goddess only knows what kind of self esteem issues she got as a result of his attitudes.) I should be on a diet and exercising more. I wanted to grow up to be an attractive woman, didn't I? 
I got the same message less directly from my "peers." You knew who was popular and pretty and it was the skinny girls, the ones always on a diet, the ones on cheer leading and drill team, the ones in basketball and on track. The fit, athletic, outgoing, mainstream girls. 
I tried to lose weight, but I couldn't (maybe because I was smack in the middle of "healthy" and to lose weight would have been bad?) Eventually, I gave up. I stopped trying. I gained weight. Over the years, I gained a LOT of weight. Why? Because all those people telling me, either directly or indirectly, that I was fat made me feel worthless. Ugly. Hopeless. 
All of the ads on the tele didn't help either. You know the ones. Look at how fat I used to be but now I'm a size 0 and I'm happy. I will never, ever be a size 0. It isn't the way my body is made. 
But eventually, I also gained some self-respect, so that when a smart assed cook I worked with said (to his buddies behind the line but loud enough for the waitstaff to overhear) for about the sixth or seventh time that he didn't date "fat chicks" I turned around and said "That's okay, I don't date assholes. Guess neither of us has to worry, huh?" His face turned bright red. The other girls were gobsmacked (I was always the quiet one), but then laughed because somebody finally said what we were all thinking. 
[image error] Eventually, I got pregnant, put on more weight, had a baby, and really learned to love my body exactly the way it was. After all, I got this way all on my own and if I didn't like it, I could do something about it. I made an effort to make better food choices for overall health, but I was going to be happy as a two, sometimes three X and just live my life because newsflash: it's *my* life. Not my band teacher's, not my co-workers, not anybody's. (I also have a wonderful husband who knew me when I was thinner and who never stopped looking at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.)
And now, at 45 years old, I'm ready to take the weight off. Not because of my aunts or Dr. Oz. Not for my band teacher. Not because of the Victoria Secrets underwear models or a screwed up society whose idea of "ideal" has caused so many young women to become anorexic (a society that tells girls to dress up and be pretty but not to be sluts or a tease; the messages sent to young women are only getting uglier). I'm doing this for me. Because it was frustrating to be winded after going up a flight of stairs. Because heart issues and high blood pressure run in my family and I don't want a bunch of problems down the road. Because I want that freaking corset that I've always been afraid to buy because as happy as I said I was (and mostly I was despite the best efforts of advertisers who assured me I wasn't desirable) I always dreamed of taking off the weight, I just wasn't quite ready to do it. 
Because next summer, I'm going to wear a bikini, no matter what my dress size happens to be. 
I have no idea what weight I'll end up at. Like I said, I have a goal, but it's hard to tell how I'm going to look when I get closer to it. I've had a baby and major surgery. My body will never look like it did in high school. But I can go up a flight of stairs without feeling winded (unless I've been on the elliptical that morning!) I have more stamina and I'm happier on days when I work out. I'm lifting weights because I love it, doing yoga because I love it, and hope to get back into the pool soon. (I sort of fried my hair the last time I did it, so I've avoided chlorine for a bit.)
[image error] And last week, I went out and did something I've wanted to do for twenty years. I got my nose pierced. Earlier in the year, I dyed my hair blue (I've always wanted the crazy colors but was never in a position to be able to do it.) I got my hair cut short and funky (thank you, Johnny! I have *the* most awesome hairdresser in the whole world! The "fried" was totally my fault; I bleached it at home, which normally I'm really good at, but then I started writing this hot sex scene....*sigh* the life of a writer. I went in and as Johnny was assessing the damage, he made faces you *never* want to see your hairdresser make. And then he said with confidence that we could fix this and gave me the most awesome cut to camouflage what I'd done to myself. I seriously love the style--it's what I'd wanted when I first got it cut short, by someone else. The first stylist gave me a perfectly nice but perfectly boring cut. Next time I went in, I didn't care who cut it, I just needed *something* done. So I got this sweet guy who saw right through my suburban housewife disguise and pegged me as fun and funky. *G*  He's the only person I'll go to now.) 
[image error] Not really my best pic, but I'm smiling
honest!So it's been a year of ups and downs, but it's getting better. I should be moving into a house I love by the end of the month (although it still needs work, but I'm okay with that.) I'm working on getting back to writing; I have two WIPs and a couple of back-burner stories (one of them with a character whose experiences with weight and weight loss mirror my own). I have Tentacles and Chain with its awesome cover art by Gus Li. And just by living my life, I'm starting to figure out that there are some people around me that I really don't want to be around. They're not toxic per se, but they are toxic to me; I don't need the drama. I don't want it. Time to move on.  








Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Tentacles and Chain (Ch 2.)

If you're here for the BDSM Blog Hop, you want the post just below this, where I talk a bit about how I got into BDSM, my interest in Dub Con (in fiction and role play), and a little bit about the inspiration for my novella  Tentacles and Chain.  (The first chapter is also there, or you can find it here:  Tentacle and Chain archive ). Also, it's still not too late to get in on the giveaway: A print copy of  Tentacles and Chain  (warning: story contains fantasy dub con, light pain play, a splash of bondage, and a virgin merman). 

To enter the give away, simply leave a comment below and make sure I have a way to get hold of you. I'll pick a winner on the 14th. (Book will be mailed out as soon as I get it back from the printer, theoretically in a week or two).
In the meantime, I'm continuing to post a chapter per week right here on my blog (and in the archive).
Thanks for stopping by and don't forget the rest of the Blog Hop. Click HERE for the main page.

Chapter Two
Trellen couldn’t tell if he’d dozed off or not, not when there was nothing but darkness whether his eyes were opened or closed.  It was impossible to even know how much time had passed. Hours? Days? It felt like a long time; he was numb with the cold and ravenous with hunger. Fear continued to claw at his heart while hopelessness ate away at his soul. Perhaps he would die there, alone in the dark. Perhaps death would be a mercy.His childhood had been filled with tales of the Unspeakable Ones, monstrous beings who lived in the dark of Below. But surely those were just tales to frighten children, stories made up to keep young Cetaceans safely within the colony’s reef wall. There was danger in the open sea. Sharks. Men and their leviathans. Those were real. But there was no such thing as monsters.Was there?Who else could have brought me here?Trellen shifted and opened his eyes again—and realized wasn’t alone anymore. He couldn’t see anything, but he sensed it. Feltit. The icy water tasted different. Saltier. More acidic. Whatever it was, it was hovering just outside his cell. Watching. Waiting.  Long moments ticked past, and fear mounted in Trellen’s chest until he was sure he would burst apart if something didn’t happen soon. Finally, he called out, “Hello?” Heart-pounding moments passed by without a response. Was he merely imagining that he felt something there?“Please…is…is someone there?” Still nothing.“What do you want with me?” It was the one question he was afraid to ask, because he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer. “Why did you bring me here?”But still, there was only silence. “Please!”A spark of green light flared in the darkness, making Trellen wince and raise his arm up to shield his eyes. Before his vision could adjust enough for him to make out who—or what—was there, a tiny glow orb sailed through the water and landed next to his tail. By then his eyes was accustomed enough to the unexpected light that he realized it wasn’t bright at all. The glow orb only gave off enough eerie green light to illuminate a very small area—it had only seemed so bright because he’d been sitting in the dark for so long. Tentatively, he picked up the orb and held it out, hoping to see his captor’s face—praying he wouldn’t see anything. Only a monster would hide in the dark. His prayer was answered. The light was too dim to penetrate the black waters beyond his cell. Trellen swallowed back a mouth full of bile and fear. “Who are you? Why did you bring me here?” he repeated. Beyond Trellen’s circle of light, the darkness shifted, came closer. It was moving. The shadowswere moving. He scooted back as far as he could, until his back was up against the rough wall, but still the tendrils of shadow continued to creep toward him.Only they weren’t shadows. They were tentacles. Long and black and thick with muscle, slipping through the bars of the cage. Trellen stared at them for a heartbeat more, then pushed up off the floor, flattening himself against the wall, clutching the glow orb tighter. He slid along the rough surface until he came to the corner—but to turn it would bring him closer to the bars, to the darkness. To the Unspeakable One. “What do you want?”But it didn’t answer. With panic mounting, Trellen went back the way he’d come. The tentacles followed him, moving slow and steady while Trellen’s heart beat so fast, he was sure it explode right out of his chest. There was no escape. “Stay away from me! Please!” Don’t hurt me. He couldn’t wrench the words out of his throat. He swam up to the ceiling, beating his tail against the water—but it didn’t matter. There was nowhere to go. One of the tentacles slipped around the base of his tail and Trellen screamed. In a blind panic, he thrashed against it, nearly dropping his only source of light—his only source of comfort. “P-please! Don’t! Let me go! What do you want!” He pounded against the wall with his fist, hoping to break it. It held fast.The Unspeakable One tightened its grip until Trellen couldn’t do more than wriggle pathetically. How could anything be so strong? He was going to die there, he was sure of it. “Please don’t—”“If I wanted to harm you, little one,” came a soft, calm voice, distinctly male, but so very alien, “I would have done so already. If you do not fight me, I will continue to not harm you.” It was far from reassuring, but Trellen forced himself to be still. Or at least, not to do more than tremble. The creature loosened its grip, but didn’t let go. It took all of Trellen’s willpower not to try to break free or start thrashing again, especially when the tentacle began spiraling slowly up his tail. “Please,” he whimpered. He could feel every suction cup, every ripple of muscle. Goddess, was the creature going to crush him? Trellen bit his lip and stayed as still as he could and finally the tentacle stopped, just above his hips, its very tip resting on the smooth skin of his stomach. Instinctively, Trellen drew his arms higher up on his chest, not wanting to touch it. Wanting it off him. “What do you want with me?”“For right now, I would simply like you to come closer.” And with that, he gave a gentle tug on Trellen’s tail. Trellen’s breath caught and he squeezed his eyes shut. “Come,” the monster coaxed. Trellen gave a shaky nod and allowed himself to be pulled right up to the bars—but even when he opened his eyes again, he still couldn’t see anything but tentacles and black water. “What are you?”His chuckle was a cold ripple in the water. “You know that already. But you…you are a pretty one.” He slid his tentacle higher up Trellen’s stomach and began to caress his skin. Trellen shuddered both with fear and unexpected pleasure at the strange touch. He clutched onto the glow orb as if it could somehow protect him. “Wh-what do you want with me?” “Pretty andpersistent.” He sounded amused and Trellen imagined a wicked smile—did Unspeakable Ones have mouths? They must. How else could they eat? And what did they eat? Please, don’t let it be Cetaceans. “What are you called, pretty?” his captor inquired.He swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat remained. “Trellen.” It was a small triumph that he said it without stuttering. “A very pretty name, too.” There was no mistaking the pleasure in his tone. He shifted his grip on Trellen’s tail so his tentacle rubbed obscenely against the twin slits just below Trellen’s waist. One slit concealed his anus, the other his penis. Trellen’s breath hitched as unwelcome sensations flowed through him. He tried to pull away, but that only made it worse. Heat enflamed his cheeks as he felt desire rising; any second now, his member would slip out of its protective fold and betray his arousal. Goddess, what am I to be aroused by a monster’s touch? Did he have no self-control? “Please. Stop.” Trellen was only barely aware of the tentacles snaking their way around his wrists—but then his arms were pulled wide in a swift, sudden movement. The creature stopped rubbing against him and asked, “Would you prefer that I hurt you?”Trellen gulped in water and tried to pull free, but it was no use. He wasn’t strong enough.  “Please don’t.” If the thing wanted to, it could probably rip his arms off. But the Unspeakable One’s hold slacked, though he didn’t let go. “You asked what I wanted of you.” Another tentacle slid up Trellen’s chest and lightly cupped his chin. The Unspeakable One tilted it, so Trellen was forced to look straight ahead, presumably into the face of his captor.  “Here is my answer: I desire nothing from you. I desire simply you.”Trellen’s eyes went wide. “I-I don’t understand.” The creature chuckled, creating another icy ripple in the water. “Oh, I think you do, Pretty.” He dropped Trellen’s chin and eased his tentacles from Trellen’s wrists, gliding them down his arms, caressing Trellen’s skin. The sensual touch made Trellen shudder from both fear and pleasure—and the fear was as much from his own reaction as from the Unspeakable One’s words. “But the choice is yours,” the creature went on. “You will be mine or not by your own will, not by force.” And with that, he let go and withdrew his tentacles fully from the cell, so that Trellen was left shaking, barely able to stay upright, his traitorous body  tingling everywhere the Unspeakable One had touched it. Why did it have to feel good?“What…what happens if I say no?” Trellen wanted—needed—to know.“Very little. You will not leave here. But I will not harm you any more than I will touch you again unless you agree to be mine. Neither will I coerce you or threaten you, my Pretty. In fact, I will never ask you the question again.” Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author